From New York, this is a Daily Show Newsbreak. Now, John Stewart.
Here's what the gang over at the slag pit is working on for tonight's program.
New York State bans the use of handheld cell phones while driving.
But you can still use the headset because looking like a dork, that's still permitted.
Plus, what kind of state changes its name to attract more tourism?
I'll tell you what kind.
The stupid kind.
Talking to you, North Dakota.
Hey, there's big news at 7-Eleven.
It's the new Big Bite Combo.
Delicious Big Bite Hot Dog made by Oscar Mayer.
With three chili and cheese.
Whatever you want.
Ice cold gulp.
And a big grab of chips.
All for just $1.99.
It's a bigger, better summer.
The earliest currency known to man was the human tooth.
Motors, bicuspids, incisors, all had value.
Of course, given such a limited resource, one had to budget one's teeth.
Some failed to grasp this concept.
They ultimately starved to death.
Some people need help budgeting.
The Discover Card with Budget Management Tools.
To the slightly smarter consumer.
On July 6th, kiss.
Fear.
Goodbye.
Kiss of the Dragon.
Rated R. July 6th.
Only in theaters.
How to speak Australian.
Therapy.
Fear.
Win your chance for 14 days of Australian therapy with Bosteralia 2001.
Thank you for watching.
See you next time.
Therapy, here.
Win your chance for 14 days of Australian therapy with Bostralia 2001.
Look for details wherever Foster's is sold.
Sunday on an all new Man Show, Adam and Jimmy spread their love.
If you could pass a message on to the recipients of your semen, what would that message be?
Wash your hands.
The Man Show, new episode Sunday at 10, only on Comedy Central.
Be a man.
Watch the Man Show.
Comedy Central Sports presents BattleBots is brought to you by Kingsford Charcoal, because
taste is everything.
Does anyone here at the Beef and Bird BBQ Cook-Off use a gas grill?
No, we don't use gas for cook-offs.
Definitely want to use charcoal.
What's it take to win this thing?
Taste, definitely the taste.
So what kind of charcoal do you guys use?
Kingsford.
Seriously?
100%.
Oh, Kingsford, definitely, definitely.
Does stuff grilled on Kingsford Charcoal really taste better than stuff grilled on gas?
A proven fact, just go around and ask everybody around here and they'll tell you.
Yeah, you get a better flavor out of it.
Kingsford, because taste is everything.
Give me Kingsford, you can keep the gas.
No, thanks a lot.
Present from me to you.
On July 6th, kiss, fear, goodbye, kiss of the dragon, rated R. July 6th, only in theaters.
Don't you just love waiting for the sun to go down to use your wireless phone?
I mean, what could you possibly have to say during the hours you're actually awake?
The most whenever minutes, only from Voicestream.
Comedy Central.
This annoying jingle, it's gonna make you tingle.
It's gonna drive you out of your head.
It's got the potential to really drive you mental.
You'll hear it till you wish you were dead.
Comedy Central.
Brand new show.
Comedy Central.
Also with us, Comedy Central, sing their song, make it stop.
South Park, prime time click, the man show at Battle Fox, stand up comedy and movie premieres.
We'll keep singing cause the new number stops.
Comedy Central.
Brand new show.
Comedy Central.
Also with us, Comedy Central, sing their song.
Comedy Central.
Brand new show.
Comedy Central.
Also with us.
On an all new South Park, he's big, he's gay, and he's back.
How are you doing today?
Don't miss the gayest South Park ever, tomorrow night at 10, only on Comedy Central.
Jimmy.
Stand.
You can't.
Bots can.
The bots are back and ready to rock with one full hour of brand new metal on metal action.
Every Tuesday night, more fights, more annihilations.
BattleBots, an all new tournament starts next Tuesday at 10.
Only on Comedy Central, the leader in robotics sports.
You ready for a cold one?
Yeah.
It's cold, but it ain't Coors Light.
Coors Light, tasty.
You don't date much, do you?
Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?
Excuse me?
I speak Atlantean.
Talk?
Disney's Atlantis the Lost Empire has arrived at McDonald's, and so have the fresh eggs,
Benedict McMuffin, and delicious deli style hot ham and cheese sandwich.
So discover our always changing new taste menu, and see Disney's new animated adventure.
Whoa, cool SUV.
Hey, thanks.
What's an SUV?
1-800-CALL-ATT has a new spokes...
Oh, no, not the top.
Our collect calls dial C-A-L-L-A-T-T.
That's not right, is it?
$30,000, mom.
No, it's for a physics book.
No, really.
1-800-C-A-L-L-A-T-T.
Practice, practice, practice.
Uh, doctor, I got a growth.
The way it was written, please.
1-800-C-A-L-L-A-T-T.
Nice job, Carrot Stick.
Save big bucks on every call.
Dial 1-800-C-A-L-L-A-T-T for collect calls.
Can I have your number?
They hate us, you know.
They're humans.
We are suffering for the mistakes they made,
because when the end comes,
all that will be left is us.
Rated PG-13.
Starts Friday.
Hey, there's big news at 7-Eleven.
It's the new Big Bite Combo.
Delicious Big Bite Hot Dog made by Oscar Mayer.
With three chili and cheese.
Whatever you want.
Ice cold gulp.
And a big wrap of chips.
All for just $1.99.
It's a bigger, better summer.
You ready for a cold one?
Yeah.
It's cold.
It's not Coors Light.
Coors Light Tasty.
Phew.
Somebody had fish for lunch.
Keep it here for more metal on metal action
with another episode of Battle Bots,
followed by The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,
only on Comedy Central.
I think my gimmick to interviewing are two basic things.
I don't like to be overly prepared,
and I don't think listening is important.
Primetime Glick with Martin Short.
New episodes Wednesdays at 10.30
after an all-new South Park,
only on Comedy Central.
Introducing new Armor All Protectant Wipes.
Armor All shine in protection, now in a wipe.
The earliest currency known to man was
the human tooth.
Molders, bicuspids, incisors, all had value.
Of course, given such a limited resource,
one had to budget one's teeth.
Some failed to grasp this concept.
They ultimately starved to death.
Some people need help budgeting.
The Discover card with budget management tools
for the slightly smarter consumer.
Why so many Days Inn hotels near airports?
So you don't have to worry about where to stay,
no matter where you touch down.
Days Inn, there you go.
Well, it's that time of year again,
and you're stuck in the heat watching the mercury rise.
Want to make sure that doesn't happen to your summer?
Get you and your friends in or to win
really cool Miller Time trips like these.
In our Miller Lite, get the good summertime promotion.
Pick up your Miller Lite, get the goods entry card,
wherever you see this display.
What are you looking at?
Comedy Central
This annoying jingle, it's gonna make you tingle.
It's gonna drive you out of your head.
It's got the potential to really drive you mental.
You'll hear it till you wish you were dead.
Comedy Central
Brand new show.
Comedy Central
Also with us.
Comedy Central
Sing them songs.
Oh please, make it stop.
South Park, prime time click.
The Man Show at Battlefront.
Stand up comedy and movie premieres.
We'll keep singing cause the new number's up.
Comedy Central
Brand new show.
Comedy Central
Also with us.
Comedy Central
Comedy Central
Sing them songs.
Comedy Central
Brand new show.
Comedy Central
Also with us.
Comedy Central Summer Film Festival presents,
for the first time on network television,
Very Bad Things.
When a bachelor party gets way out of hand,
Is it fun honey?
Friends start to lose their heads.
The network television premiere of Very Bad Things, Sunday at 8.
The bots are back and ready to rock.
Class champions defend their crowds against more than 300 challengers.
Saddle bots.
An all new tournament starts next week at 10.
Only on Comedy Central.
The leader in robotics sports.
Let's look at what makes the dome structure of great importance.
You see, its circular design allows for maximum volume in a minimum space.
An amazing number of people or things can actually fit in a relatively small area.
With such an efficient design, it's a wonder domes aren't seen more often today.
Hey, there's big news at 7-Eleven.
It's the new Big Bite Combo.
Delicious Big Bite Hot Dog made by Oscar Mayer.
With three chili and cheese.
Whatever you want.
Ice cold gulp.
And a big grab of chips.
All for just $1.99.
It's a bigger, better summer.
Now you can see the benefits of BF Goodrich tires in a digital readout.
Now through August 31st, get a free G-Tech Pro Performance Meter when you buy a set of four BF Goodrich performance tires.
BF Goodrich tires, take control.
The Roman aqueducts have stood here since 145 B.C.
Able to endure centuries because of an engineering marvel.
The arch, a curved structure, so incredibly strong that even when great pressure is applied to it, it holds its shape.
A design with such strength and integrity that to this day, modern man has yet to improve upon it.
Up next, it's the Peabody Award-winning The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
Then it's Saturday Night Live, only on Comedy Central.
You ready for a cold one?
Yeah.
It's cold.
But it ain't Coors Light.
Coors Light, tasty.
I need new friends.
Now you can rent all new releases or anything else for five days.
Really?
Yeah, so you can just enjoy it at your own pace.
At other video stores, you only get one day on new releases.
So you can't enjoy it because you're too worried about getting it back on time.
And then you've got to fly out the door in order to get to the video store before it closes.
And then the kids are screaming, we want ice cream.
And you say, well, there's no time.
And they say, well, you don't love us anymore.
And the clock is ticking and the phone is ringing and the late fees are piling up so high.
He's really into special effects.
Five-day rentals on everything at Hollywood Video.
Hey, my kids lost their lunch on that roller coaster you built.
Oh, I thought they'd like the 17 loop-de-loops.
It's Roller Coaster Tycoon.
Fill the amusement park of your dreams.
There's plenty to eat in your park.
But where are your bathrooms?
Oh, please, bathrooms and concession sets to keep your customers happy.
I doubled the bathrooms.
Built some incredible new roller coaster rides and lowered ticket prices.
Tourists.
Now ramp up the thrills with loopy landscapes for a whole new twist.
More rides, more landscapes and new exciting challenges.
Rated E for everyone.
Buy a Whopper, get free fries.
Buy a Whopper, get free fries.
I think we need to go to Burger King.
Sure.
Whopper says free fries are like a dream come true.
Burger King fries taste better than ever and now they're free when you buy a Whopper.
Great Whopper.
Yeah, and free fries.
In the land of burgers, the flame-broiled Whopper is kickin'.
You ready for a cold one?
Yeah.
It's cold, but it's not Coors Light.
Coors Light.
Tasty.
Oh, man, my can is cold.
You can become a distributor of the country's best-selling government money books.
They're my books.
I've written over a hundred and I've sold millions.
I can set you up in a home-based business that's fun, easy and helps other people.
You can make a bunch of money at this and it costs less than a couple of nights out in the town.
But listen, I need your help because I can't keep up with demands for my book.
You can do it full-time, part-time, with a computer, without a computer.
You even get your own website.
I give you an easy turnkey operation.
As a distributor of my books, you can start using all your energy and talent just like I do.
And you can start showing others how to tap into government freebies
and even get paid doing it just like I do.
Call now, but only call if you want to help others and you want to have some fun.
Life is too short and I only want to work with people who want to have fun.
Call and find out how you, too, can start making money in the information economy
and ask about our free government grants book.
Coming up next, schools, forcing children to play a deadly game.
Jim Platt should not be Lord of the Flies.
Stephen Colbert's heart-hitting dodgeball expose.
Get the guy in the gym!
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, coming up next only on Comedy Central.
Comedy Central Summer Film Festival presents, for the first time on network television,
Very Bad Things, when a bachelor party gets way out of hand.
Is it fun, honey?
Friends start to lose their heads.
The network television premiere of Very Bad Things, Sunday at 8.
You ready for a cold one?
Yeah.