Then that beautiful leaf.
Then I always ask her before I leave to bless me from the head till the bottom of my feet.
And I feel so good.
I'm so happy to do it with you.
For these many years I came with you to do my work with you.
Rain or shine.
Or with the wind and shivering.
I've been more than happy to do.
You bless me always.
I will sing a song of yours.
Halemaumau.
I don't poo poo it, I think definitely.
She's existing.
Oh, I don't believe it, no.
I don't think it's true.
I believe in superstitious to me.
Personally, I'm a Roman Catholic.
This is my story.
Are you superstitious?
Not at all.
But?
But?
Well, there she is.
And come back when there's an eruption and we'll probably convert everybody.
This is for you, Madam Pele.
My aloha for you.
Can you tell whether Pele was happy?
When she's happy, I'm happy.
I wish you and me were only one, she tells me.
I'm happy, I wish you and me were only one, she tells me.
Here are some interesting flippings we got in the mail this week.
Sandy Feldman in Muskogee, Oklahoma sends us this ad from her local paper.
Wanted to buy new rear end.
Most people would just be happy with a facelift.
Yeah, just a thing.
Conrad Dimmingerly of Spokane, Washington sends us this report of a businessman
who was attending a convention and sent his wife the following telegram.
Having a wonderful time.
Wish you were her.
I'll bet when his wife gets through with him, he just might need one of those new rear ends.
From Sandra Saligate of Sierra Blanco, Texas,
here's a report on a guy whose parts still seem to be in working order.
He's 90 years old and still going wrong.
Sounds like he doesn't even need a rear end.
And finally, from Brandy Way to Bossier City, Louisiana,
here's an interesting job opening.
We understand a lot of people showed up just to check out his merchandise.
I wonder what he puts in the window.
I don't know.
Anyway, don't forget, we can't return the clippings to you,
but if we use it on the air, we'll send you a real people t-shirt.
Or a new rear end, one of the two, you know.
So, Real People 48396, Los Angeles 90048.
Time now for Real People in Sports.
All over America, sporting events of every kind are being held.
Some of them are totally serious, some are light-hearted,
but the one you're about to see is completely laughable.
You've heard the expression, a laugh a minute?
Well, in San Diego, it's a laugh every 365 days.
San Diegans love the fact that during winter they're drenched in sunshine,
while nearly all the rest of us are covered with snow and sleet.
So to celebrate the fact that they're warm and you might not be,
they hold a yearly laughing contest.
I attended the fourth annual contest,
where I hadn't heard so much laughter since I told my ex-wife Plenif
that she'd never find a guy as nice as me.
Over 460 contestants were watched by seven judges
who scored them for sincerity, volume, duration and audience response.
I look forward to the ridiculous and the sublime
and the ridiculous kids that come out there.
So much fun to watch.
To me that thing is a serious business.
I look for genuine spontaneity in a laugh.
Serious, genuine spontaneity.
Is this the first time you've been in this contest?
Yeah, right.
But I laugh like this all the time at the house.
You do?
Yeah.
I live in a funny house.
You do?
Well, yes, and this is the best place I've ever been
because nobody's saying, mud!
When the judging was over, I tried to talk to one of the winners.
So what else do you think about politics?
What do you think about the energy crunch?
Linda, there's no more gas.
What do you think about openness?
We'll be right back with more fun and more real people.
Keep laughing out there.
Animal ambulance service in the country.
He started the business when he saw a young boy's dog hit by a car
and there was no one there to pick it up.
His office is a room over his garage,
and in the eight years he's been running his animal ambulance,
he's never had a day off, and in his job,
he's picked up everything from monkeys to hamsters.
It'll be about 15 minutes.
Just don't let him move around so much.
We don't want too much bleeding.
Earl just received a call from the owner of a bar
whose dog cut his paw in a broken bottle
while coming to the owner's defense during a slight altercation.
Earl says he finds people more receptive to him in this role
than as a police officer.
When I go to the house as a police officer,
I'm an unwelcome guest.
The situation sort of reverses after 4 o'clock
because now I go to a house on an animal call
and they meet me at the door with open arms
and say, thank God you're here.
Earl says the animals are also glad he's there.
I think animals do know or have a sense
that you're trying to assist them.
I received a call.
A cat was down chimney or it was an air chute.
I asked how long the cat was down there.
They said 14 days.
The cat was climbing up on the side of the interior wall
and raising his paws so I could get this snatch.
Very cool.
Many, many times when I go into a home,
the pet seems to be the starboarder.
I walk into some houses and they want the pet taken care of.
The children have nothing.
The owner doesn't even have a pair of pants to cover themselves
even though the estimated bill of repairing this dog at the hospital might be $300.
They're willing to pay for it, but yet they wouldn't spend $0.10 for the kid.
I had a call one time in New York, an old man.
He looked like a derelict.
And he said to take the dog out and have it repaired.
Fix him up.
When I explained to him what the cost might be,
he says, Sonny, let me tell you something.
I raised a whole house full of kids
and I don't even get a father's day card.
I feed the dog, he watches the house.
Fix him, get him back here as fast as you can.
People just naturally love animals.
If a person was stuck on a ledge of a building,
another person wouldn't climb down the building after them.
They'd say, no way.
But if a cat was down there, they'd climb down the side of the building
and risk their life and limb to get this cat.
After taking the injured animal to one of the few vets Earl works closely with,
we stop by his house to talk to him and his wife, Marie.
Marie is also a police officer
and she says she helps Earl with the animal ambulance business.
Otherwise, she'd never get to see him at all.
Sometimes I get annoyed because we're all ready to go out to dinner or something
or to a show and I'm all dressed and then he has to cancel it
because he has to run out and go on a call.
While you were on one of your animal calls,
were you ever stopped to help a person?
On the way down the FDR Drive one time,
I seen a big crowd gather around the projects.
Police officer steps out in the middle of the FDR Drive and flags me in
and he says, I have a man stabbed.
Now, it was minorities that were involved in the stabbing.
And I said, take a look at this. This is an animal ambulance officer.
They may take offences.
Somebody might say, what, you couldn't call a regular people ambulance?
You got to call an animal ambulance, my friend?
So I just left there as soon as I could.
Could you possibly be sued like a doctor?
We have consent forms.
We will not handle a call without these consent forms being signed.
Say, Papa comes home with a couple of drinks in him
and he steps right in, some defecation on the rug.
Oops, he says, that's the end of that. That's it. I've had it.
Gets on the phone, calls me, take this dog, bring him down, put him to sleep.
So I come, I pick up the dog, Papa falls asleep on the couch.
Mama comes home a little later, wakes up, hey, where's Fido?
I sent him out to get his nails clipped.
Sent him where? To get his nails clipped.
Call this guy up, then they call me up, hey, where's the dog?
Well, you wanted him to put to sleep.
I didn't want him to put to sleep, I wanted his nails clipped.
Have there ever been times you've refused to take an animal?
Yes, there was times.
There was times that I used to tell them we're not an annihilation outfit.
We don't do this.
It seemed that a police officer didn't want this little dog.
He wanted a dog as big as his ego.
So he wanted the dog put to sleep and they were to buy a German Shepherd.
So my wife brought the dog home.
It seems Bobby's an epileptic, but that doesn't hinder him.
He has seizures maybe once a month.
We give him a Dylantin and he comes out of it.
Earl and his wife have no children.
Because of their jobs, they decided to have rubber ducks and pets instead.
I worked for two years in the juvenile department for the Jersey City Police Department.
And I saw everything that was going on there with children shoplifting,
taking drugs, smoking marijuana, all kinds of trouble they were getting into.
Maybe we see the worst in every child, because we see that they're worse.
What might have gone toward their children is instead focused on their pets and the pets of strangers.
Two hours after taking the dog with a cut paw to the vet, Earl picked it up and returned it to its owner.
That day, Earl's business grossed $35.
As a business, it stinks.
You never make a living on it.
If you want satisfaction, gratification, it's there.
It's there.
There's nothing better than picking up a sick dog and bringing him to the hospital
and then reuniting him with the family after they're better.
There's nothing more gratifying than that.
You know something, though?
One thing that fellow said sure does ring true,
because some people do treat their animals better than they treat each other.
I mean, back in Omaha, there was an old lady who used to constantly argue with her husband about the dog.
So one day she just took him out and had him neutered.
A lot of people have their dogs neutered.
It's the husband.
That does sound like a man in trouble.
You know, it's not always easy to know when you're in trouble, either.
However, Lynn Wessels of La Jolla, California,
John Hoffman, and Bill Trumbull of Arlington, Virginia,
all sent us guidelines that may let you know when you might be in trouble.
They sent us a list, situations headed, you know you're in trouble when.
That's right. For example, you know you're in trouble when you're called the Suicide Prevention Center,
and they put you on hold.
You know you're in trouble when your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
And he wants to become one of the village people.
You know you're in trouble when you wake up suspecting that your waterbed is leaking,
and then you realize that you don't have a waterbed.
You know you're in trouble when your doctor examines you and insists on being paid immediately.
You know you're in trouble when your horn gets stuck as you follow a group of hell's angels on the freeway.
You know you're in trouble when your wife tells you you've just had a person-to-person call from Poopsie.
That's right. He is one of the village people, you know.
You know you're in trouble when you find your blue suit in the closet is wrinkled, and there's a man wearing it.
You know you're in trouble when you tell your psychiatrist you're being followed by Martians,
and the psychiatrist lends you his ray gun.
You know you're in trouble when you bring your new sexy girlfriend home to meet your father,
and they seem to know each other.
And finally, to Len, John, and Bill who sent us that list,
you guys know you're in real trouble when you put on your new Real People t-shirts
and run out to show everybody and find out you forgot to put your pants on.
We recently got a letter from a group of guys in Mount Hood, Oregon,
and they wrote to us, Dear Real People, if you ever do a show called Real Dumb People, come up and see us.
So we went up there to see them and we agreed with them. What these guys do is really dumb.
Deep in the heart of Oregon's Mount Hood National Forest, there's a logging road four miles long, all downhill.
It's a skateboarder's dream and an insurance writer's nightmare.
Bob Marks and Brent Engelstein have been racing high-speed skateboards at breakneck speeds for over a year now.
As far as we know, they're the only people doing this. It's a highly dangerous sport.
They reach speeds close to 60 miles per hour. Why do they do it?
It's, I guess, a rush. I don't know what other word to use.
I gave up skiing, everything. You know, I'd rather do this than anything.
Oh, I've never felt a feeling like this except when I'm doing this.
Yeah, I guess you could call it a rush. Like I said, there's nothing else like it.
Those blocks of wood are brakes, which they drag to slow down.
They steer by leaning left or right, and at over 50, the air resistance is so high, they can turn just by raising an arm.
The critical point is that taking a curve, and if you go over the edge at 50 or 60, you're going to get hurt.
Jim Marks missed a turn, yet amazingly, he only pulled some tendons in his leg.
About 40 miles an hour, I came there, started there, and I slid all the way here.
I tried to take the corner too quick, but that's the break through the game.
Brent Engelstein plans to build one more skateboard and go for the world speed record.