Here's that little piggy counting. Where'd you go again?
Oh, geez, there. Now you're over there. There's only five seconds left.
You better get over here and, oh, I hope you're recording.
Huh?
Roll it, dude!
MUSIC
Leave the world outside
Oh, for just a while
And now you're smiling
Oh, we're sending you
Something wonderful
It's for you that we're shining
T
That's the place to be
E
Come on and tap your feet
E
Now that's entertainment
Feeling so right every day, every night
Setting our devotion
Y
T-E-N
That's entertainment
T-E-N
Now we're shining through
T-E-N
Australia's watching
T-E-N
That's entertainment
Come on, everybody, come on, gather around
I wanna tell you about something's gonna shake this town
T-E-N is gonna work for you
So if you wanna stay current, then here's the news
Good morning, Australia!
By Webster's News!
Great new movies!
Radical dudes
Action, romance, drama, mystery
Tools and spills of fame and glory
Dangerous, Easter egg, IA law
Doody cows, man, lost once more
Alienation
The Wonder Year
More great movies, last of the year
Twin Peaks, by night, make a deal
Like Com says, that's unreal
We're gonna make you laugh, we're gonna make you laugh
Yeah!
The feeling's so right every day, every night
Setting our devotion
Y
T-E-N
That's entertainment
T-E-N
We're shining bright
T-E-N
Australia's watching
T-E-N
That's entertainment
Good evening and welcome to Channel 10's special event
Thank you!
Oh, ready, ready, ready, ready
Cindy under the dryer
No, don't get in the shots under the dryer
It's not supposed to be under there
Squirt the roller, squirt the roller, squirt the roller
Squirt the roller
Can we have a different shot but squirt the bloody roller?
I suppose a blow dryer would be pretty exciting
Oh, I'll get that massage, I love that massage
It's really bad now
Standby for rod removal
Oh, bash the camera a little bit more
Oh, John
Oh, mate
Rod removal
Stop cupcake-ing me
I'll bloody spit the dummy
I'll piss off
I hear you guys laughing in the back about the rod removal
Serious business
Are we ready to record this drawing, are we?
Is that the front of a head or the back of a head?
Ha ha ha ha
I'm not using those bars as a reference, are you?
Oh, I was thinking of it but I won't
I'll just use the bars on the bloody poncho that she's wearing
This is an important part, this is it
Don't miss it, John
Keep it steady, don't tell her to smile when this is happening
Smile, smile
That's it, we don't want any pain, no, we're enjoying it
I'll be back
Channel 10
Channel 10, Eyewitness News and MAD Magazine
give you the chance to win these fabulous, magnificent, phantasmagorical teleco prizes
This week's jackpot is a night of fantasy for two
with Debbie Turner at Brisbane's famous health resort and spa
All the nightly prizes of Outer Sight only from KTEL
and a video featuring Michael Jackson in Black and White
So if you can find your personal telecode number, you're a winner
So if you dare, watch 10's Eyewitness News weeknights at 6
So how you doing with girls?
Real good, Grandpa
I want to tell you something
When I was your age and before I came to live here in the nursing home
I did nice myself with girls
You know what I mean
Nice
But that was a time it wasn't like now
Because there are things now I see on TV that makes me worry for you
You could be with a girl, you don't know what
The next thing you have to spot
You have a cough, it's the AIDS
You know what I'm talking
You don't have to worry about me getting AIDS, Grandpa
Look, I worry
I want you should see things, live
That's why I want you should always use something
It's called a condom
You mean a condom
Oh, shh
You know of these things
I know about condoms, Grandpa
You use them?
Good boy
Could you get me some?
MUSIC
We don't know, nobody knows
Thank you for coming
You mind waiting?
MUSIC
Didn't I tell you I was innocent?
They can't prove it
You've got to see the vision
What's the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
What is democracy? Democracy manifest
This is democracy manifest
And then you hear the supply car trying to drag him in
Let go of my penis
Get your hand off my penis
It's amazing stuff
Stand by to receive my penis
Limp, limp
And you sir, are you waiting to receive my limp penis?
Get your hand off my penis
Steve Marshall was warned by his friends not to take his holidays
Jeff Mullins, crime reporter, 10 Eyewitness News
Did you try to win?
Try to win? Well, Christ, you'd rather be...
You'd rather be doing that on the...
It's dry, it's dry, for Christ's sake
Bloody filly Earth move
MUSIC
Multiskilling
MUSIC
Multiskilling, a fine idea, should have happened sooner
Get in here, Turner
When the taste of real fruit juice
MUSIC
Comes with pure deep spring mineral water
The sensation of...
SCREAMS
MUSIC
Deep, deep, deep spring
Deep spring mineral water
Still the source of pure refreshment
The Telecode winner has not been found and Deb is getting impatient
For a second chance, we will throw in a European holiday with stars from E Street
Win with Telecode
MUSIC
Despite the number of bikers that attended the Perga Creek Run, the crowd was amazingly well behaved
MUSIC
We are the Just In See
We are the Just In See
We've got just what you want
And we know how you wanna be seen
We are the Just In See
We are the Just In See
We've got just what you want
And we know how you wanna be seen
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
Hi, join me every Thursday night for a night of fun and game
Hi, join me every Thursday night at Game Bar for a night of fun and game
Hi, join me every Thursday night for a night of good fun and game
Hi, join me every Thursday night at Game Bar, right?
Hi
MUSIC
Sweet as a bun
MUSIC
Sweet as a bun
Join me at Game Bar every Thursday night
GameBarrows, avoid the rush, book now
Royal Deluxe II, a luxury name and a luxury ride at a middle range price
Impossible?
We've come to Temple Beth Shalom in Little Neck, New York
and asked Rabbi Meir Teflitz to circumcise 8-day-old Benjamin Taffin
riding in the backseat of the elegant Royal Deluxe II
MUSIC
Performing circumcision is a demanding time-harmful act
that requires a sure hand and a steady cutting surface
MUSIC
To show you that our ride is possibly the finest, smoothest in the world
we deliberately picked this road because of its rough turning-even surface
This is an actual demonstration
Our speed, 40 miles an hour
The stylish Royal Deluxe II rides smooth because we build it right
The unique hybrid-like suspension system, rack and pinion steering
to ensure outstanding roadability and control
And every new stylish Royal Deluxe II offers a standard equipment, power front disc brakes
SQUEALING
SQUEALING
SQUEALING
Perfect
You may never have to perform a circumcision in a Royal Deluxe II
but if you do, you're sure you'll agree with Rabbi Teflitz
It's a beautiful baby and a beautiful car
In 10 Eyewitness News tonight, Queensland's most wanted man, Glen Taylor
What a wanker
The job of Lord Mayor is very full-time, very hard on, very hands on
Hey, he's trying to make a fool of me
Harry, you don't need anyone to make you look like a fool
You can do it all on your own
MUSIC
Multi-skilling
Multi-skilling? I don't think it's such a good idea
Where's the ignition key go?
The Telecode winner has still not been found and Debbie's getting really pissed off
So for a third chance, we will also throw in this wonderful home and land package
in this most sought after location
Win with Telecode
Don't be fooled by commercials where one battery company's toy outlasts the others
The fact is Energizer was never invited to their play-offs
because nothing outlasts the Energizer
They keep going and going
Stop the bunny, please
and going and going
I love the sound of the rain
And I love the taste of your fresh fruit coffee
Oh, thanks, but it's not fresh fruit
It's new treca
Like we said, nothing outlasts the Energizer
They keep going and going and going
Daddy, Daddy, smell my flowers
Oh, my sinuses
When sinus trouble strikes, reach for nasotene
Only nasotene has fast-acting mucinol
Watch as nasotene
Still going
Nothing outlasts the Energizer
They keep going and going and going
Did you know that Thrifty has lowered the prices on over 3,500 items that people use most?
Somebody had to do it
With 3,500 items
Hey!
They call this area
Look, for Christ's sake, get out of it
I seen lions on the ground there drunk
Which place?
This place there
He's the cameraman, he's never been here before
Hey!
What?
The first time I've ever been in the street
Keeney, Mr. Feelings sure that you were lying drunk here in the street in front of his house
No?
Nick O'Moy
As a public service presents How to Be Swell
An instructional series helping you, the viewer, experience better living through television
Tonight's segment, Are You Prepared for Dating?
Hey Ann, going somewhere?
And Woody, while the fuss
Your first date is mighty important
Hold it right there
Both of you, before you make a mistake, are you prepared for dating?
Dating is harder than you think
Take Sally, she had a date on a school night and came home late
Now she's on her way to jail
And Betty, she had two dates in a row
Now she's insane
Before you experiment with dating, read up on the facts
Talk it over with your gym teacher and don't forget
Look your best
That's right dad, follow these steps and you will be prepared for dating
Won't that be swell, naked night, dedicated to better living through television
Multiskilling
And now it's time for tonight's weather, here's Ross
Multiskilling, bah humbug
Let me out of here
You're all mad
Quick
Oh look at Christopher Skye's sister
She's had her nose done, hasn't she? Look at that
I mean, what kind of woman would hang out with a dad like that?
After finally getting mad dog cocks back into custody, fuck off
One, two, three
Oh ugly fat, ugly fat
Okay, so where the fuck are you?
Look Debbie's finally given up
So for your absolutely last chance we will throw in an all-expenses Mediterranean cruise
Stopping at Lebanon and the picturesque resort of Dubrovnik
Win with Teleco
Oh hi, here in America we eat a lot of spaghetti and meatballs and pancakes
But in Australia you eat a lot of fish and chips
And no matter what you eat, if you eat a lot of it and you don't exercise, it's going to end up right here
And that's why I went in the studio Australia, well not in Australia, I went in America
And I produced this new album called Reach
Well, it comes with a book so you learn how to do the exercises
So you can really get in the shape you really want to be in
You know, life is too short, why don't you pun the...
Oh poo poo, I was a good one and I fucked it up
Hi Australia, next time you want to reach for fish and chips, don't
Reach for the brand new Richard Simmons album Reach
You'll never reach again
Why would you never reach again?
Well I don't know
Okay, well I think we're agreed
As a chief executive officer I get $500,000 per year
Plus the city apartment and the new 7 series BMW
That leaves Kate, now chief executive in charge of production
$300,000 per year and the red Mercedes?
Yeah
Okay, that just leaves Ron, Barbara and Serge
Yeah, well I've been on $175,000 a year along with the use of a second hand BMW
For three years now
Well what would the finance manager of a similar American company receive?
A quarter of a million
I've got no problem with a quarter of a million and an updated car
Great
And as national sales manager to keep me on parity with a European executive in my position
I also need a $75,000 increase
To bring it up to what? That's $225,000 per year, no problem
I think my basic consultancy fee should go from $800 to $1,000 a day
Done
There's one small discrepancy I think we should discuss
And what's that?
This company lost $43 million last year
That makes things really tight
Enough times, enough times
Kate's right, we're really going to have to pull our belts in
I suggest the following
We lay off a thousand workers immediately and put the rest on half pay for three months
That's a fantastic idea
I know, but the border objects
Too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my
Too sexy for my head, what you think about that?
I'm a marb, you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk
Yeah, I shake my little touch on the catwalk
You were once quoted as saying your idea of the ideal man is a woman with a dick
Are you still that way inclined?
As far as I'm concerned, men are the product of a damaged gene
They pretend to be normal
What they're actually doing sitting there with these benign smiles on their faces is they're manufacturing sperm
They do it all the time
They never stop
I mean, we women, we women are more, I mean, we're reasonable, you know
We pop one follicle every 28 days
When we're doing it, I've stopped, you can't even blame me for that
And they are producing 400 million sperm for each ejaculation
Most of which don't take place anywhere near an ovum
Good night everybody, well, even though there are a few storms around the place
Should I say good night, Anne?
No, you shouldn't say good night everybody
Oh, should I? No, stop it, stop it, yeah
Discover yourself at Stafford's
Discover you with beautiful hair
You know, streaking is one of the most skillful parts in hairdressing
Streaks for a long time used to, oh no
Okay
See what you've done to me now?
Straight away
Put the thing in my head
Why would you do it? Why would you say it?
It's worse than death
Well, tell me why you're not doing anti-anti-anti-breathing
Still recording
One of the things I love about the way we do streaks is that
During our form, we like to do streaks in a way that we're done naturally
And when we finish it, it's not going to happen
One of the things about streaks, it's important that it look natural
And to look natural
Turn the camera again
Pamela has got, in my opinion, control of her hair
So many people who don't have control of their hair, control with their hair
She hasn't cut and colored it
It's six months of hair conditioning treatment
It's simple, it's nice, it's natural and it looks just like it
I think you're so...
Six, five
The point is, if you...
The point is, it's 20 past four
Pamela, say Pamela
The way your rinses today
Say Pamela, you bastard
We'll just put a bit of soap around
Pamela, here's Pamela
Pamela, how long does your color last?
Just up to a step
Ready to pan on two
It's great
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one
Zero
Yeah
Woo
We're ecstatic
We're mooting all over the place in here
Time for weather with Ray
And it's still light outside and not a cloud in the sky all day
You did right, Bruce
Bruce, Glenn, Fred
Hello, everyone
I don't know whether I should say good evening or not
Here's Ray Wilkie
And Ray, is the rain here to stay?
Well, let's hope so, Mary Louise
Because we have had a little bit, but not a lot, Mary Louise
We've seen his enthusiasm blossom like the flowers
A storyteller he was, a teller of stories
On the road again
Going places that are very strange
Meeting old people that are sometimes a bit deranged
Gee, it's good to be on the road again
Woo
On the road again
Meeting prospectors, collectors of odds and ends
All the stories about old women and old men
Gee, it's good to be on the road again
Woo
I'm a storyteller, a teller of stories, that's what I am
Woo
I get paid a lot and a lot I get paid to wander this land with my cameraman
Does anybody know why that is?
On the road again
Everything happy
Someday someone should write a story about me
Oh, why not?
On the human highway I'm just a journalist gypsy
Gee, it's good to be on the road again
Come on, everybody sing, you know the words
On the road again
Someday someone should write a story about me
I'm a character as funny as can be
Gee, it's great to be on the road again
Yee-haw
Come on, mate, why don't you just change that last shot, come on
Oh, nothing
Malty skilling
Wonderful stuff, this malty skilling, Stewie
Enjoying myself today, Michael
I feel like Sadie
What's under the bucket, Stewie?
Under the bucket, Michael
My God, it's Bateman
Alan Bateman
What Bateman?
Ah, ah, ah
You tried on Alan
Oh God, look what he's done to Bateman
And he was just a grub
Bateman, who the fuck's Alan Bateman?
The Telecode winner has been found and we lied
You've won a mandatory life sentence at Brisbane's Historic Resort Hotel
And regular visits from the Eyewitness News Team
Win with Telecode
When I started back to work there were not enough hours in the day
Mommy
Hi, sweetie
Mwah
It seemed like my whole life was divided between my job and my family
I was exhausted and run down
So I asked my doctor what to do and he recommended this
Balls off
Hi, honey
I got off work early so I came straight home and fixed dinner
Don't get up, just relax
Non-prescription balls off is safe, gentle to the stomach and it works
Here you go
Why, thank you, honey
Can I get you anything else?
You can get the phone
Sure, I'd love to
Balls off's time release formula lasts a full 24 hours
Two balls off tablets with breakfast and he's home all evening and glad to be there
What's your mother?
I don't want to talk to her
She's busy
Oh, no problem, I would love to take you to the florist
It's easy to use and effective
Here's how balls off works
Hormonal signals build up here in the freedom center
These signals are sent to the brain where they cause pressure and confusion
Balls off effectively blocks these signals, eliminating problem behavior before it reaches the brain
Put it on the table
Thanks
Hey, isn't tonight your poker night?
Yeah, but it's just an excuse to drink beer, smoke big smelly cigars and talk about women
I don't think I need that
Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you
Non-prescription balls off, in regular and new Italian style
SAC Bulletstar Derek Rucker has announced a new venture for 1992
I think we'll introduce David Fordham to get on with that one
Thanks very much, Glen
Instead of shooting baskets, he'll be shooting films
Rucker's won a lead role in a suspense thriller to be released worldwide next year
Did you taste them?
The way we did the sport, I reckon nobody would have picked it
I'd just shoot myself and don't worry about that
Welcome back
Kiwi test Ford Brent Todd will sport new club colors in 1992
He'll trade the Canberra jersey that he's worn in three grand finals
For that of the wooden spoon as the Gold Coast Seagulls
It's been the worst kept secret on the Gold Coast
But this is the signature that Wally Lewis and Larry Maloney have been waiting
to add to that of State of Origin prop Ford Steve Jackson
I was always going to come here no matter what
I made the decision way before the grand final
Well, mainly the Gold Coast is because the shield is a good looking
I want to fuck them all
Fordo
Fordo reads the news like he plays golf
Badly
Fordo
Fordo
Fordo
Fordo
Oh shit, I'm sick of saying his name
Fordo
If you want more sport, stick with Sporto
Fordo
Fordo
Fordo
Fordo's got more hair than Wally
You are fucking kidding
Fordo's a cunt
Fordo
Fordo's got more time for sport
He's fucking always playing, he hasn't got any time for work
If you want more than just the scores, catch Fordo for the whole sports picture
Fordo knows sport and the people who play it
You're in the water off the tee, that's straight from the start
Turn it up
Fordo, he's a good sport
Like shooting
Fordo is a real arsehole, let me tell you
Fuck Fordo
Fordo, what would he know?
Weeknights at 6 on 10's Eyewitness News
The Island Tower
Leniman Island Tower, good morning
This is helicopter X-ray Tango Victor
We'll be operating on film work over the island, not below 500 feet
Ah fuck, that was a big one
Thank you so much
Now here's a very special arrangement
Of a very special tune
And I'd like to invite all of you
To dance along with this song
Rice
Kenny
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Thank you
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark
Dancing in the dark