Twilight
Once again, God makes a joke, he goes over everybody's head but mine, huh?
That's because you're so tall.
I think your partner's in a little trouble here.
Yeah, I know, with the sexuality.
But I'll love him till the day he dies.
That's sweet, and that could be any second now.
Ta-da!
Very impressive.
Well, I had a hell of a scare, but I better get back on the horse.
The man will never learn.
Hey, you take that back!
Well, how do I look?
Look great. Oh, by the way, Malaysia called. They want their flag back.
I don't care what you think. I'm a beautiful woman, and beautiful women should wear bright, beautiful colors.
Yes, but not all of them at the same time.
Why do you have such a poosan, Ford? The bus station is beautiful and all things to do.
I didn't do anything.
Oh, you sure did. You got the city to call this dump a historical landmark and pay for all this.
My great contribution to life, huh?
Oh, there you are, Oscar. Gene took a big box of your stuff that we were pulling out of the phone booth. You might want to look through it.
You know, it's hard to believe you actually lived in there all those years. Must have been a terrible time in your life.
Are you kidding? It was liberating. It was my salvation.
What, are you trying to tell me that you enjoyed walking around the bus station all day saying, got a buck, got a buck?
Boy, this place looks pretty good, doesn't it?
Boy, you just called me boy?
You know, it's something next to you have been looking for.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're not going to tell me that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You know, it's something next to you have really got a problem, and you can't even relate to people your attitude is so colored.
Oh, now I'm colored with an attitude.
Well, I guess I've picked a bad time to chat.
Look, I'm a little upset here.
Cops done ripped me off this renovation and slowed down my business.
It's like, yo, I'm trying to make something of myself.
And if you can't understand that, then you ought to take a look at this book a man once gave me.
Yo, I'm trying to make something of myself here.
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Hi. What are you doing?
I'm surprising you.
Oh.
Very good. I thought I'd bring you picnic lunch.
Really? Why?
Well, because it's been six months since we broke up and I thought we should celebrate.
Well, it coincides. Your next week, my first wife and I were celebrating our silver breakup.
I'm serious. I'm really proud of us. I mean, we're state friends. I think that's because we have this really deep connection. I feel like I've known you forever.
Yeah, me too.
Now, I wonder if we've ever crossed paths before. Like maybe I was at an airport getting off a plane, you were getting on one, we bumped into each other, but we didn't speak.
I don't think so. I think I'd have remembered you if I'd have met you before. Of course, it was one of my holiday periods.
Holiday periods?
Yeah, how can I put this? In my mind, John Travolta went right from welcome back cottage to pulp fiction.
Yes?
It's clean.
What's clean?
What do you think?
No!
What is it?
Go see for yourself.
It's clean.
It's clean. What? It's clean.
The men's room.
Clean?
Clean the men's room.
You clean the men's room?
It's clean.
I'd rather clean.
You're not supposed to clean the men's room.
Clean the men's room.
Clean the men's room.
Clean the men's room.
What?
You know, over the last few years, I've had but one goal. Well, two if you count quitting this nasty habit. That'll never happen. So, behold, the men's room.
Oh, boy.
Oh, Gene, it is beautiful.
Yes, I know. So, let's all just enjoy this moment. This perfect, pristine moment.
It's not what you think. I was just flushing away a fish from Captain's aquarium.
What? One of my fish died?
No, but he's on the adventure of a lifetime.
Oh, Gene, it's beautiful. I don't know why you stopped cleaning it in the first place.
You know, I don't even remember what the final straw was. I just remember one night walking in here and just giving up.
Well, I'll tell you, you've done a great job. Look at these fixtures, man. Everything's sparkling. Clean sinks. Even the, you know, you polished up the old change machine.
Oh, my God. I've been in here before.
You have?
I've been in this bathroom before.
Well, do you work here?
No, no, no. I'm talking about like, like nine years ago, before I ever worked...
Yes, of course. The magazine rack. The lunch counter. I... And you, you're the ticket lady. And you're that black guy. And you're the other black guy.
You saw it coming back to me. It must have been blocked out before.
What, the scene in that bathroom brought it back to you?
Yes, it was... 1987. I came right through those doors. 1987.
On television, Shelley Long had just made the mistake of her professional life.
I just had a big fight with Gretchen, my wife, so I left her. Decided to just take a stand of my own.
But soon I'd spent all the money she'd given me and I was on my way back to her. And I walked up to the shoeshine stand.
Shine, mister?
No, no, son. Maybe later, huh? Maybe later.
Tell you what, five bucks says I can tell you where you got those shoes. And nice shoes they are.
Okay, you're on.
You got those shoes. On your feet in this bus station in front of my shoeshine stand.
You know, something I saw that coming, but I like your spunk, young man.
Hey, Dexter, cut the chatter and stick the shinin' shoes.
Yes, sir.
Come on, you take that kind of crap from the man?
I don't look at it that way.
Suit yourself. Where can I talk to somebody about my ticket?
Oh, right over there, sir.
Hello, pretty lady.
Whoa, hold on a second. Is that some sort of law against underage people working the late shift?
I'm not underage.
Could have fooled me.
Yeah, well, you can't fool me. What do you want?
Ticket to Kansas City.
Kansas City, here I come.
$38 leaves in two hours.
Yeah, how far will $38 get me?
Wichita.
Not far enough.
You know, you're a very beautiful woman.
I saved your breath. I'm not a beautiful woman.
Everybody tells me I look like that new comic, Roseanne.
You're just about a million times prettier, all right?
Hey, let me tell you something about Roseanne, too. She's gonna last about three minutes.
Now, call her Poundstone. She's gonna be a big TV star.
That's $58 to Kansas City, Romeo.
Hello, Crossroads.
I'm here to get you that money.
Oh, hello, Stewie.
Uh, what's wrong with the phone? I can barely hear you.
What do you mean you're not at home? Where are you?
Hey, say, pal, you got $20 you could loan me?
Uh, $10, you got $10? Come on, $10.
All right, all right, you got a buck? How about a buck?
Sorry, I don't believe in handouts.
Right after my own heart.
So where are you headed?
Chicago. Where are you going?
Kansas City. To see my pretty, pretty wife.
What were you doing in St. Louis?
Trying to get the hell away from her.
What do you do for a living?
I'm in junk bonds.
Parasite.
What are you, you're bankrupt, schoolteachers, children, charities.
Come on, just between the two of us, why can't some of those dimes march my way?
All right, I'm not proud of it.
Matter of fact, I hate myself.
Well, I got no room to talk.
I've been living off my wife for years, you know.
I tell you, I got all these gorgeous clothes, big cigars, fancy houses.
I hate them all. I can't enjoy them because I despise the way I got them.
I feel exactly the same way.
I would love to just do this trash, all of this, go over to that foam booth over there, call my wife, get myself out of this horrible situation.
But it's too late for me.
Well, it's not too late for me.
Yeah, go for it, go, do it.
How does it feel?
Cold, I think this is a big mistake.
Ah, no, you know what, here, you take my coat.
It's 20 bucks. It's worth it for my dignity.
That's right. Now I won't be in tomorrow.
You can get somebody else to sell your junk.
What? Where am I? I'm... home.
I need a cup of coffee.
Oh, damn.
What the hell happened to my wallet?
I think you could buy me a cup of coffee.
Hey, get lost, pal.
Sorry, I was just talking to...
Yeah, my girlfriend.
Oh, terribly sorry. In that case, could you buy us a cup of coffee? You know, one I love, chili dogs.
I said eat it.
Go easy on him, he's just trying to hustle something to eat.
Listen to that, your voice is like music to my ears. I bet you're a singer, aren't you?
Hey, hey, hey, get away from her.
Hold on a second here, a woman this beautiful, she deserves a compliment now and then, don't you think?
And an intelligent man like you was worthy of a little self-respect.
I said, get the hell away from her!
Are you okay?
Oh my God, John, I was there that night.
What?
That was me.
Oh my God, oh my God, are you okay?
Air Research, an aerial mapping company, wanted to expand their business overseas.
So they spoke to their business banker about a business asset finance loan.
Hey, what's Indonesian for cheese?
Cheese.
From a bank that didn't need bricks and mortar for security. Which bank?
Cheese.
Commonwealth Bank.
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They say the pure shock to your system would be too much.
Well, well, here goes.
Wow, cool.
Cool.
That was you, you were the woman in the bus station that night?
Well, I don't know, I think it was me. Before I met you, I'd only been here once and that night, the stool got broken.
Who was the guy you were with?
Oh, that was my boyfriend, Tim.
So what happened? Did you and this guy Tim mix it up?
Don't put it this way, I mixed it up.
Isn't that your lucky day, pal?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
You must be great in the sack.
No time for that now, sweetheart. I gotta get this guy a cold compress.
Gee, I remember it a little differently.
Okay, okay.
As I recall, Tim pushed John and...
Oh, my God, are you all right?
My tongue.
I think I bit my tongue.
Y-yickling.
Y-yickling.
That's not how I recall it.
I see my powers of recollection have impressed no one.
Well, the truth is probably in there somewhere.
Anyway, after you left, the real fight started.
Well, I hope you are happy, Tim.
Stop, Miss Bleeding Heart. That guy's a loser.
And I got a lot on my mind. You know, the residency...
Tim, you are a doctor. That is a person.
You're supposed to care about people who are in trouble.
I can't care about people who don't care about themselves.
I just can't believe I'm hearing this.
I feel like I'm dating somebody that I don't even know.
Fine, then why don't you go date the deadbeat?
Maybe I will.
Catherine, that is low.
All right, well, I'm sorry, but it's the truth, you know.
I would rather date that pathetic freeloader than to go to Chicago with you.
So in a weird way, I was responsible for you guys breaking up.
Well, someone was. I'm not 100% sure it was you, though.
No, it was me. It was me.
Although a pathetic freeloader is a little harsh, I think.
I wasn't that bad.
You know something? You are a pathetic freeloader.
Just look at you acting like a happy-go-lucky big shot.
You know what? You're miserable.
You know why? Because you're going back to a woman you don't love
just so you can live off her money.
And as a woman out there, you've just met his kind and caring.
You can never have a woman like that.
I need a sign.
Change.
I need some change for some condoms.
Mr. Thomas.
You've got to change, man.
It could be a big moment, a big turning point in your life.
Epiphany.
You know what? You can't go back to Kansas City.
You can't go back to Kansas City.
You know what? You can't go back to Kansas City.
You've got to get some money, get something to eat.
Just come on, clean up your act.
If you don't mind me, I just want to wipe down these faucets.
Yep.
Boy, this men's room is like my pride and joy.
I'm as devoted to this place as Jim Baker is to Tammy Faye.
Praise the Lord!
Sam, would you like to, um, buy a cigar?
Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?
No, no, no. Cigar, man. Cuban. Monte Cristo.
I paid 34. I'll let you have it for, um, 10.
Well, I don't really smoke cigars.
But I mean $10 for a Cuban.
I suppose one won't hurt me.
Say, could I have a ham and eggs? Over easy on the eggs?
Hey, how about a shine, mister?
You're on.
Yep. You sure dress nice, mister.
Yeah, well, I figure if you can't dress the part, you should.
If you can't dress the part, you shouldn't be in the play.
Oh, man. I wish I had your confidence.
But then again, that's why I'm just a shoe shine boy.
Tell something I can tell something about you.
You're an incredibly bright young man.
You don't have to be a shoe shine boy all your life.
Matter of fact, you know what? Here. For you.
What's this?
It's a book. It's called, yo, I'm trying to make something of myself here.
You read that, you never want to shine another shoe as long as you live.
Yeah, I could use something to read.
Hey, thanks, mister. You're okay.
You won't think so after you read the book.
I asked you a question earlier.
There was a beautiful woman sitting there with a guy.
What happened to them?
You mean the one that was fighting with her boyfriend?
They were fighting.
What's it about me?
Are you the pathetic freeloader?
That's me.
Oh, man.
They were fighting about everything since the second they came in here.
She wanted a red scarf from out of a window down the street, and he was like, no.
A red scarf? Tell you what, I'll get the shine later.
Hey, where you going?
I'm gonna go buy a red scarf for the next lucky, lucky lady in my life.
Hey, thanks, mister nice guy.
I love you.
I love you.
All right, hold it. I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
I'm shining shoes and you're laughing.
No, I don't buy it.
It happened, and that's when I went out, bought the scarf, I came back.
That's when I saw you guys.
Hand me my eggs up.
Here you go.
Hey, out, out.
Boy, we blew it.
That's big time.
You know those cheeseburgers we had about an hour ago?
Yeah.
We only paid you for hamburgers.
We owe you 50 cents.
Actually, Eggers, we owe them 52 cents.
There's a little something in this con they call tax.
Would you guys watch the counter for a second?
We're here to protect and serve.
Boy, tough day, huh?
They're all tough eggy, but you know what?
What?
Makes it all worthwhile when you can do something nice for a kid like Dexter.
Hey, Dexter, how about a shine?
Man, shine your own shoes.
I'm tired of kneeling down buffing them fat feet of yours.
What in the name of Pete is wrong with him?
Oh, I guess that's just the burden of being a cop.
Put your life on the line every day.
Nobody respects you.
They're not gonna respect me?
I'm not gonna respect them.
That's stealing.
No, it isn't.
This is payback time.
We're cops.
Yeah, we're cops.
Sorry, excuse me.
You know, before there was a girl sitting out there, blonde, brown hair,
black leather jacket with a guy.
Did you see what happened to him?
That's where she got going left 10 minutes ago.
Well, so much for changing my life.
I guess I'll go back to Kansas City, try to apologize to my wife,
forget tonight ever happened.
Kansas City is boarding now.
Okay, thanks.
You okay?
My husband just called to tell me that he's running off with a babysitter.
Sorry.
So am I, and so are my four kids.
Oh, Jessica, you have your ticket.
You don't have to put on an app for me.
Listen, let me tell you, you know what I think?
I think you're gonna be fine.
I can see that you're a strong woman.
I also can see that you're a very beautiful woman.
Here.
It's for you.
You gotta try brightening yourself up a little bit, you know?
I don't usually go in for flashy colors.
I'm not that kind of...
Maybe I'll see you again sometime.
Cute guy.
I'll tell him to lose a beard.
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Hey pal. There you are. Thought you ran out on me. Your ham and eggs are up.
You know what? I'm so sorry. I'm out of cash right now.
But you know what? I'm going to send you a check.
That's cute. You break my stool, walk out without paying,
and then the cops tell me you stole a couple donuts?
What? No, no, no. Listen. I don't know what you're talking about, alright?
Fair enough. Okay, thanks.
Oh my God. Can I get you a glass of water or something?
I think I'm going to be sick.
I'll hold the box for you. And as for you, this is the last time you are out of here.
Good luck trying to find someone to replace me.
I can do it.
I don't know.
Yo, I'm trying to make something myself here.
Find extra at the lunch counter is yours.
Oh, free at last. Thank you Mr. Nice Guy.
Oh, that's it. That's it. That's it. I'm not cleaning that up.
I'm never cleaning that bathroom again. I'm not.
You're doing the right thing. As long as I'm in charge, nothing can go wrong.
Nice to start. That'll be the first thing I fix.
I am telling you, this is absolutely true.
So what you are saying is that it was you, and only you, that changed everybody's lives around in about 22 minutes and 29 seconds?
Well, hold on a second. How do you explain I know so much about everybody?
Well, it might be true, but chances are you probably just heard these stories over the years and just put them together in your mind.
The only problem is I've only been running this lunch counter for six years, not nine.
I've been to become corrupt cops in just one afternoon.
Yeah, it took years of graft to develop this level of slot.
And I'm sure that a Stewie left me in 89, not 87, and I still think that you were a pussycat inside.
Well, with any consolation, that's exactly how I remember it too.
Except with a lot more pageantry.
Hey, I'm gonna run to the bank. Hey, Oscar, get that box of your old phone booth stuff out of here.
It's so strange. I mean, I can't remember it so clearly.
Oh, I loved it, especially that part about you falling in love with me. I thought that was very realistic.
Yeah.
Come on, let's go have some lunch.
Okay.
Okay.