I love a sunburned country, a land of sweeping plains, of ragged mountain ranges, of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons, I love her jeweled sea, her beauty and her terror, the wide-brown land for me.
Land Cruiser.
What a great day for singing our song.
Good time, great taste, that's why this is our place.
Good time, great taste, on McDonald's.
Good time, great taste, that's why this is our place.
Good time, great taste, on McDonald's.
Good time, great taste, on McDonald's.
Of all the millions of miniature inhabitants of our globe, it is perhaps only the ocean where we find an animal that is subtly shaping our planet.
Beneath the surface of the sea, countless trillions of tiny living creatures are creating coral, a limestone structure inching ever upward by almost imperceptible degrees.
The builders are coral polyps, primitive animals long mistaken for plants.
Free swimming only as embryos, early in life the polyps imprison themselves in limestone castles.
The castles become catacombs as the polyps die, and new polyps begin building upon them.
Ultimately cemented together by a rock hard algae, coral formations are thus born, branching and budding in magnificent colors and shapes.
Coral lives in all seas, but it is only in the tropic shallows that the reef building varieties thrive, gradually, miraculously building reef, atoll, and island.
For every variation in the coral, there is some exotic fish. Every coral hue is matched by the color of some inhabitant of these waters.
For each size and shape of coral, there is a school of fish. The adaptations among tropical fish reflect an array of engrossing evolutionary mysteries.
Under controlled conditions, it is possible to observe the unique protection provided by mouth-breeders for their offspring.
At the slightest sign of alarm, she gathers them inside where they find complete security.
Undoubtedly, there will be one disoriented straggler who heads the wrong way, but the mother will track him down until he is able to join his brothers and sisters in the protective surrounding.
The creatures enveloping the coral beneath the water surface are only a small portion of those who make their homes amid this jagged landscape.
In the ceaseless building of the coral, pushing upward over millions of years, there may come a moment in time when the underwater landscape suddenly breaks through the surface of the sea.
When the ocean, rushing to catch the tide, leaves a bit of coral exposed to sky and sun, then all the exuberant forms of the invertebrates come into view.
The urchins with their shiny black armor.
The sea worms, blooming like the flowers in a magic garden.
The clams, their open valves exposing mantles of emerald blue or orange.
Reef and rock blooming in a riot of color and life.
Crystal and pools of trapped water expose a marine turtle, a visitor from perhaps thousands of miles distant.
Into this teeming world, nature sends forth many of her most fanciful, beautiful, and bizarre creations.
Perhaps the sea imparts to its inhabitants some power and toughness, some tenacity for clinging to life.
As the tide recedes, pulling the water away from the land, it will leave many living things exposed, waiting out of their element.
Barnacles cement themselves to the rocks. They extend feelers to catch foods as the sea washes over them.
Then the water recedes. The barnacles will clamp their door plates shut, trapping enough moisture to survive until the next tide.
A tagula snail roams the tidal zone freely, his body virtually sealed in an airtight shell and thereby protected.
A host of small animals is fixed to the rocks here. Sea anemones bloom while the tide flows and close their petal-like tentacles as it ebbs away.
Not even the roughest wave could dislodge the mollusks that cling tightly to the rock with a single muscular foot.
In this place of unrest at the threshold of the sea, each living thing has found its own method of survival.
While snails have hard outer shells to armor themselves, the soft-bodied hermit crab does not.
It must find a discarded shell of the right size and move in. Thus shielded, it can traverse the tidal strip from dry land to tide pool.
Monday night, Natalie's war begins again as the Nazis condemn her and her baby to a new chapter of turmoil.
War and Remembrance continues 8.30 on Monday night here on Channel 10.
How things have worked, Bob. Good.
But does it have open systems and international standards? Sure? Yeah, sure.
All of the PCs integrated. Thought there were a few problems, though. Not anymore. Great solutions package, Bob.
That's your best reading for years. How did you do it? With a computer.
Hewlett-Packard. Engineered for peace of mind.
You'd think around $18,000 wouldn't buy much of a family wagon. Yet here's a wagon for around $18,000 and it's fully imported.
It's roomy, comfortable, has a generous warranty, and it's four-wheel drive. So it'll go places other family wagons won't.
The car?
Don't miss Keno's $1 million jackpot, available at all Tats outlets.
At the time of the lowest tide, the seashore's most heavily populated community surfaces.
The order of invertebrates begins with relatively simple forms.
There are the sponges and coral structures that splash the tide pools with color and texture.
But more complex life forms are encompassed.
Sea urchins can move slowly over the full floors.
They're spherical bodies protected by rows of prickly spines.
Even within the small universe, among creatures so like and kind, there are life and death struggles.
Here, an abalone fights to escape a predatory starfish.
Color characterizes this zone. There are black, green, and red abalone.
Bright red sea cucumbers. Yellow limpets.
Perhaps most striking in this microhabitat is the liveliness of the organisms.
Everything from the scuttling hermit crabs to the slow snails and starfish to the fixed algae exhibits great vitality, competing for space, surviving enormous changes.
These are the most vulnerable inhabitants of the ocean's realm.
They are delicate creatures poised between dry land and the deep, subject to the dangers inherent in both.
And some, like the beautiful nudibranchs, must survive exposed without even a covering shell.
In accordance with the laws of nature, even the most delicate inhabitants of the tide pools have survived for millions upon millions of years.
Several times each year, millions of Pacific brunnen forsake their home in the water and, worn by waves, come on land to cavort in a highly stylized mating dance.
These remarkable little fish time their landing so that they arrive just after peak tides have begun to end.
Flung high on the beach by incoming waves, they purposely strand themselves on shore.
In her dance of motherhood, the female shimmies tail first into the wet sand.
Here she will deposit from 1,000 to 3,000 eggs.
Curving his body around the female, the male soaks the sand with milk, fertilizing the eggs as they are laid.
The scene is repeated time and again as hordes of brunnen come ashore.
The spawning takes but about 30 seconds, then the fish ride the waves back to sea.
The female must exert tremendous energy to free herself from the sandy nest.
Behind them, the brunnen leave their eggs, where they will not be disturbed by tides until they are ready to hatch.
The timing of the spawning is remarkably precise.
Betted in the moist sand, the embryos will develop rapidly.
Proceeding waves will heap more sand on them and they will be buried inches beneath the surface, protected from the sun, storm, and predators.
The baby brunnen will hatch when the next high tide immerses them in about 10 days.
Monday night on Neighbors.
Please sign.
Okay, I'm with you.
Todd joins his father on the run.
You're not putting out on me, are you?
No, I just feel bad about taking off without saying goodbye.
Neighbors, Monday at 7 on Channel 10.
Hello.
Hi, it's me, Mum.
Hi, darling.
Can I go out for a pizza tonight?
Sandy's mum's taking this.
Well, if you really want to, but I am cooking a lamb roast.
Roast, huh?
That's right.
The one with rosemary and mustard?
Uh-huh.
But don't worry, you go out and have a good time.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
Are you coming?
Sorry.
Invite the family to dinner with lamb.
What's going on in there?
Oh, I was just thinking about our first trip through Europe.
Sure, you mean Europe on a shoestring.
It was fun, though.
Yeah.
I think having to play the pasta was a lot cheaper in those days.
How about the time I should also when I had to call home for more money?
I can't see it, and 2 a.m. in reverse charges, your father wasn't impressed.
Can't blame him.
He was stealing his daughter.
Remember that time we almost split up after that horrible bus ride through the Alps?
I told you a hundred times, she just sat next to me.
You sure moved your haversack in a hurry.
Come on, I'd have moved it even quicker for you.
Would you?
You know I would.
What if you had it to do all over again?
No, I've been too spoiled.
The new fully imported Mitsubishi Galant GSR.
It makes Australia feel like Europe.
Kylie hits the big time with an interview with Julian Lennon.
What's it like being in other's standoff, Lyndon McCartney?
Yes, on The Comedy Company.
Even a large creature like the octopus has its genesis among the miniature denizens of the sea.
The female octopus lays strings of eggs and attaches them to the wall of her grotto.
They will number in the thousands, each one half the size of a grain of rice.
The unborn octopus is nourished by a yolk, which it clutches with eight tiny arms.
During incubation, the embryo develops a heart and nervous system, in fact, two of each.
This process, completely invisible to man, seems the perfect metaphor for the truly miniature world that surrounds him, the microscopic world.
Man has a great deal of difficulty comprehending what he cannot see.
A case in point is the average man's profound interest and knowledge of space.
He is likely far more conversant in discussing the surface conditions on Mars
than he is at analyzing the bacterial content of his glass of water.
What remains true is that his visual contact with the heavens is more constant
than his ability to view the microscopic matter at his fingertips.
The result is that we are surrounded by a sort of inner space,
a sanctum within our own world that withholds some of life's greatest mysteries and dangers.
The strain of bacteria that is completely imperceptible to the human eye
is capable of spreading disease across hundreds or even thousands of miles, and it can affect millions of individuals.
Perhaps the most frightening facet of this miniature world is its ability to multiply in numbers that seem to come from the pages of a science fiction novel.
Assuming that all offspring of a single pair of houseflies survived,
in four months one couple could produce 190 million billion progeny, and their demands on the environment are minimal.
Man, because of his size, requires a large space to move and a great deal of food to survive.
The entire Earth could support possibly as many as 40 billion individuals.
A square yard of good soil may contain more than 10 trillion bacteria.
And how truly powerful is this unseen world?
Thus far, it's proven to be modern science's greatest foe.
Science and technology has shown its ability to level mountains, erect 100-story steel structures, and land on the Moon.
But it has been able to come up with little to combat a flu virus, or for that matter, the common fly.
The stage is set, not necessarily for war, but rather for a kind of détente,
a renewed mutual respect that emphasizes awareness and compromise.
If this doesn't occur, and the world becomes too small for all of us,
it would be best to know the ways of these unseen inhabitants,
for it is their community that we will move into.
And unless we know their ways, the odds of our surviving will be very slim indeed.
That program makes you wonder just how long humans would survive if we were inhabitants of that miniature world.
Not long, I think.
And talking of survival, next week a program that records those wonderful moments of birth, growth, and survival
in the first few weeks of life in the animal world.
Our program is called Baby Animals. See you then.
This week on LA Law, Cusack is repulsed by his latest clients, an accused rapist.
And there's high drama between Arnie and Monica when he represents a beautiful woman in a divorce settlement.
Television's most talked about drama series, LA Law, 8.30 Tuesday night on 10.
But coming up next, a special Mother's Day edition of The Comedy Company
with Carly Mole's probing interview with international singing superstar, Julian Lennon.
I
On page one, the fast track to glory for the little men with big ambition.
That's all you want to do.
You want to win.
You don't want to run second.
Historians say the world is one in a hundred thousand!
Yeah, the moon is one in a hundred thousand!
Photographed, shot andール is getting on to the next
left.
Never forget.
Do I detect a sinful thought, Reverend?
And a young girl's ordeal divides the community.
E Street, Wednesday and Thursday, 7.30 on 10.
Watch Channel 10 each Monday night at 8.30 for the next breathtaking chapter of war and
remembrance.
I want to hold you till I die, till we both break down and cry.
I want to hold you till the feeling of being so sad.
Welcome to this very special Mother's Day edition of The Comedy Company, starring Mark Mitchell,
Glenn Robbins, Mary Ann Feeney, Ian McFadden, Kim Gingell, Chris Keough, Russell Gilbert,
Siobhan Huth, Peter Rose Thorn and our special guest tonight, Julian Lennon.
Well hello to you children. I am Marika, the husband of Con.
This is the dress I bought with the cons bar money, you know. But don't tell Con, you know.
I tell him I bought it in the Jemple sale, you know, for one dollar.
Con Lucy's angry. He said it's a waste of money, but I think it's beautiful, you know.
Today is Mother's Day. It's very important.
You know, the ancient Greeks, they say the first mother was the lady god who gave birth to the whole earth, you know.
I know how she felt because I had to have a guppy, you know.
But every time I think of Mother's Day, a tease comes to my eyes.
Because I think of my own mother, she's no longer with us.
She's living in Geelong.
She said, you know, when she was young, she looked so beautiful in the village where I come from, the heavy beauty contest.
My mother, she come third. My uncle win.
But I must say he was a beautiful man. Remind me of that song, you know.
When I was just a little girl, I asked to my mother, what will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me.
No.
But I'm not complying.
Con's got a beautiful mother, too, you know.
He is her only son. After she have con, she said, no more children.
I don't know why.
Today, Con got to his mother's room in the caravan at the back, and he sing, Happy Mother's Day to you, Happy Mother's Day to you.
And she's smiling, smiling because she know what it mean.
It mean Con love her. And it mean he forget to buy her a present.
Again.
But Con said to her, my gift to you is my voice.
And she say, take it back to the shop because I'm not like it.
But I have a beautiful mother's day. Look at all the gifts I get, you know.
A new iron.
A new duster.
A new mop head. Look at this one.
A new saucepan.
And I get the soap for the complexion, you know.
This one called Sorbo.
And Con, he says, no good me loading the truck, unloading, unloading, unloading, unloading with the bare hands, you know.
So he give me this ones.
But I also get something else, you know.
It's a surprise.
When I put in Con's socks into the drawer, I found the bank book. This one.
This old one here. It's for the joint account, you know, the money from the dowry.
Con said to me that all the money was gone.
But the bank account say four thousand dollars in him.
You know, when we got engaged, Con never buy me the ring.
But I'm not complying.
But I look him into the bank book.
And you know, he's a beautiful ring.
Do you like him?
He only cost four thousand dollars.
Oh, no.
But don't tell Con, please, don't tell him, you know.
We make it a little secret, you know.
Oh, no, it's not funny if he finds out.
Anyway, happy birthday to you children. Good luck to your mothers.
Good evening and here is the news to the minute.
A change of leadership in the Liberal Party could mean the end of an early election.
But the Libs are already planning a new style TV campaign.
Up they go, up they go.
It's the fabulous Liberal Party annual clearance sale.
All stock must go to make way for our new glamorous winter range.
We're gone crazy.
Backbenchers, cabinet members, senators, out the door they go at low, low bargain basement prices.
This month's specials include Excelletor Johnny Howe.
If you ring today, each purchase of John Howe will come complete with a beautiful set of hand carved Wiltshire Stay Sharp kitchen knives.
Now, how much would you expect to pay? Well, don't answer.
Because we'll also throw in a free Ian Sinclair.
You'd have to be a national party voter to miss these bargains.
Written for us by Andrew Picko for the Liberal Party.
World leaders were canvassed this week on their reaction to the Peacock victory.
I admire the way Andrew deals with political adversaries.
I wish I had his hair.
We are pleased.
Andrew has always had strong French ties. Yves Saint Laurent, Pierre Cardin and Christian Dior.
I always have believed that bachelors make the best leaders.
He is a great Liberal leader, a great reformer.
I really admire his tan.
And Victorian Liberal leader, Geoff Kennett, rang Mr Peacock to offer his congratulations.
The Supreme Court awarded half a million dollars damages against a plastic surgeon who grafted a man's wrist onto his head.
The Supreme Court awarded half a million dollars damages against a plastic surgeon who grafted a man's wrist onto his forehead.
Police are still sifting through the wreckage of Brian Bury, who exploded today during a morning weathercast.
Fears are now held for other TV stars. Doctors have already found stress fractures in Jeannie Little and Bill Collins.
And finally, Michael Jackson's been told he may require a new nose.
An ominous Hollywood star has apparently offered to trade noses with him.
And now to list the top stories of the week, here's Wildman Cole.
Alright! Thank you Big Eden and Christine Baby. You're with the Wildman right now, counting down the big hits from 5 to 1.
Alright, a new entry at number 5 this week, the forthcoming Tasmanian election with It's Not Silly Being Green.
Alright, a great musical number down there, excellent band show backing from the boys down there at Tassie. Well done.
Still at number 4 after 3 big, big, big, big, big, big years, the airline safety is with United We Sue.
Alright, shooting into number 3 position, Paul Getting and the Deficit with I Owe It All To You.
Come on Paul, nice work. At number 2, the banks with The House, The Rising Mortgage.
Nice work from the banks there, but rocketing up to number 1 this week, it's a big song, it's got big hits, it's my pick for the week, it's Andrew Peacock with I'm On My Way.
It's a misery and happiness, hey, big, big, big Andy.
Good play, we'll see you next week at the next top 5.
Texas says it's hassling you, looking for a bit of a hideaway? Well here it is, come to Haven Island.
Haven Island is an exclusive resort for a select group of companies.
So, pull up a palm tree, bung in a Fats and bingo, you've got yourself a registered head office.
Take part in our all-inclusive offshore activities, windsurfing, scuba diving, creative accounting and tax evading.
Join in the nighttime fun, wet business ship competition.
There you go!
John Friedman fancy dress night.
Haven Island, it's the haven you've been craving.
It's the place where businessmen get away with murder.
830 Tuesday, the hour that's as real as life itself.
I was poor when I met you, I can be poor again.
L.A. Law.
The only difference between you and your client is that he's the one who got convicted.
830 Tuesday on Channel 10.
Meet Barron Munchausen and his astonishing friends in a new show called The New York Times.
The New York Times is a show that's going to be a hit.
Meet Barron Munchausen and his astonishing friends in a new movie full of action,
daring, bravery, romance,
The Baron's kissing your wife,
and bull.
He was full of it.
The Adventures of Barron Munchausen, a true story.
Commences Thursday at Hoyts and selected suburbs.
No touch
Hey!
No one nicks our sticks
No one nicks our Sticks
No one nicks
No one nicks
No one nicks our Sticks
Sticks!
No one nicks our Sticks
No one nicks our Sticks
Sticks!
No one nicks
No one nicks
Sticks Potato Straws
tomato sauce and salt and vinegar flavours.
Be with you in a minute Paul.
Business looks good Andy.
Yeah well, good product. And good people.
Doing any advertising?
Yellow Pages.
Yeah, we put an ad in when we started, been prominent ever since.
We put the ad in?
Cost a few Bob wouldn't it?
Paul, this ad makes money for us.
More people ring from Yellow Pages than anywhere.
I'll get it.
The Telecom Yellow Pages works.
To be in it, ring this number.
How things at work Bob?
Good. But does it have open systems and international standards?
Sure?
Yeah, sure.
All of the PCs integrate.
Thought they were a few problems though.
Not anymore.
Great solutions package Bob.
That's your best reading for years. How did you do it?
With a computer.
Hewlett Packard. Engineered for peace of mind.
There's my birth certificate there.
There's my marriage certificate there.
This is my parents birth certificates.
This is my drivers license.
This is the lease to the flat.
This is car registration papers.
And last year's tax return.
I'll give these a quick stamp.
Do you have the passport?
Sorry, yeah.
Good.
Alright then.
If you'd just like to smile and look into the lens.
Terrific. You're now a member of this video library.
Fantastic.
There's your video.
And of course if you get that back to us on time, you'll get your wife back.
Thanks very much. See you tomorrow.
See you.
Bye bye.
Dear Comrade Anikus Persim, your subscription fees are now desperately overdue.
We require...
Comrade, sister, gentlest, sexless woman warrior.
We have struck a master blow against the American imperialist, materialist, patriarchal state.
What have you got?
We have completely emasculated the American political machine.
We have captured the American Vice President, Dan Quayle.
Dan Quayle?
Yes.
But Dan Quayle left the country already.
A pathetic ruse, a cover up to save themselves the embarrassment of the kidnapping.
Where did you find him?
He was white dang on a bus stop.
He didn't even have any secret service agents guarding him.
Show me, show me.
That's not Quayle. That's a school kid.
What?
Shame.
Shame?
Let me take my life in atonement for humiliating the neighbors of Asia.
It's just...
Oh, sorry.
No, don't you realize by not kidnapping Quayle you have done very well?
He can do more harm to America than we could ever hope to.
Let's just go for the PGA.
Why not the kid?
Kid, here, we'll let you go and we'll give you this lolly if you promise not to say anything to anyone.
Okay.
Well, that was a close one.
All right.
Okay, Colin.
As part of your application to join the Army, I'm going to give you a test of your general abilities.
Yep, right, sure, yeah, okay.
Okay.
Now, this one is to test your memory.
I'm going to say some numbers and I want you to say them back to me, okay?
Two, four.
What was I supposed to do with them?
Just say them back to me, right?
After I say them, just say them back to me.
Two, four.
Two, four.
Six, five, one.
Two, four.
No, can you say the ones I just said?
When?
After two, four.
Six, five, one.
Good, good, good, okay.
Three, eight, two, three.
Six, five, one.
Let's try something else.
All right.
Which one of these things doesn't fit?
Bed, chair, table, motorbike, wardrobe.
Wardrobe.
Why wardrobe, Colin?
Well, because after I got the motorbike in my bedroom, I couldn't fit in the wardrobe.
Okay, right.
Now, listen carefully.
Foot is to shoe as hand is to...
Six, five, two.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Listen.
Foot is to shoe as hand is to glove.
Do you understand?
A foot wears a shoe, so a hand wears a glove, okay?
Right.
Let's try another one of those, okay?
Cat is to kitten as dog is to...
Dog collar.
No, no.
No, but a dog wears a collar.
Yes, but a cat doesn't wear a kitten.
I'll say, right, you got it wrong.
Right.
All right, no. All right.
Let's look at your vocabulary, okay?
Oh, right.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I just want to test the meanings of some words, all right?
Okay?
Right, yeah.
Just give me the meanings of these words.
Sanctuary.
A hundred years.
What?
Oh, right, you know, we're all living in the 20th sanctuary.
Encomber.
A kind of vegetable.
Retrench.
To dig a hole the second time.
Castigate.
What?
Castigate.
Pass.
Symmetry.
Where all the dead people are buried.
Coincide.
What people do when it's raining.
All right, that'll do.
Sorry?
That'll do.
A noise a rooster makes.
Please.
Guys dressed up in light blue shirts.
No, no, no, I mean stop.
Desist. Cease. That's enough.
No, no, wait, one at a time.
Leave.
Something that grows on a tree.
Committed to the pursuit of excellence.
Page one. Dynamic. Innovative.
Presented by Toyota Camry.
Vital viewing Monday, 7.30 on 10.
It's Witchery's wildest ever winter sale.
$29.99.
Save a big $10 on fine quality pure wool knitwear in four styles.
$39.99.
Team a rib-knit pullover with a drill skirt or pants and save.
$49.99.
Save up to $20 with Witchery's fabulous patterned knitwear.
$59.99.
That's $20 off the essential box pleat skirt.
You'll be wild if you miss these at Witchery's wildest ever winter sale.
End soon.
Has a new man changed Elise Platt's career plans?
Find out only in this week's TV Week.
There's the inside story on Home of the Way's Shock Marriage Buster.
Read about the Neighbour's Girls and their outrageous new video.
And check the photo scoop of Andrew McFarlane's Flying Doctor's comeback.
A top Aussie movie man lashes out at 60 minutes.
Pop star Sting tells why he wants Bob Hawke's help.
Plus, there's a mighty Madonna pinup.
It's all in this week's TV Week.
Packed with great entertainment.
Come as you are.
Great outfits.
Or come as you were.
Real ghost.
Fly in for the week.
I just saw a ghost.
That was the most pathetic excuse for sex I have ever heard.
Or stay off for centuries.
It's a mystery, Jack.
This is too psychotic for me.
High spirits.
You're a ghost. I'm an American. It would never work out.
Time for a break.
Ah, let's have a Kit Kat.
There's no time like the present.
Kit Kat.
Crisp, light wafer fingers.
Covered in delicious milk chocolate.
When you have a break, have a Kit Kat.
I love a sunburnt country.
A land of sweeping plains.
A land of sweeping plains.
Of ragged mountain ranges.
Of droughts.
And flooding rains.
I love her far horizons.
I love her jeweled sea.
Her beauty.
And her terror.
The wide brown land for me.
Land Cruiser.
And you go, darling, and have a great time.
We have got the best maelstrom rent out of you.
Tonight, it is the amazing Alfredo.
He is straight from Las Vegas, 102 kilos of bulging muscle.
Why should the man have all the fun?
I love his fun.
I've got girls in here going.
You'll love it. You'll love it.
You will love it.
You'll love it.
Good luck, Alfredo.
I'll see you tonight.
If he doesn't get a proper strip rent, I'm resigning.
Good night, Mr. Mack.
Don't ever do that.
I thought you might have been playing a trick on me.
I've never seen the inside of your garden before.
I was just doing some weeding.
It needs a bit of work.
You've got a few flowers popping up through the weeds.
Not only that, I had a whole bunch of brand new red roses
just grown here, and now they're gone.
Some people will take anything, Mr. Mack.
So anyway, you're going to see your mother?
I'll see you tonight.
Good night.
Good night.
So anyway, you're going to see your mother for Mother's Day?
Yeah, of course I am.
You?
Yeah, I always look after my mother on Mother's Day.
Breakfast in bed, wash the dishes, cook up the big roast.
And after she's finished all that, we just give her the rest of the day off.
Fantastic, you're fantastic.
Yeah, you should let me have a go at your garden, Mr. Mack.
No, it's all right. I can do it. Thanks, Russ.
Oh, I'm pretty good.
I did be mate's garden once.
Yeah, it looked fantastic, too. Got rid of an old car wreck out the front yard.
Yeah.
And the car wreck was his mum's Tarana.
She got pretty dirty with me for a while, too.
Had to dink around on the back of the bike.
It was all right, except she was in one of those carpools.
Well, they take people to work every day.
Yeah, have you ever tried to have three kids hanging off the back of your bike?
That's dangerous.
Oh, yeah, nearly bent me handlebars.
Anyway, Mr. Mack, I better let you get back to the garden.
Yeah.
Quite a few weeds, eh?
Yeah, you know what I think it is? It's the greenhouse effect.
Yeah? I know a lot about the greenhouse effect.
What do you know about the greenhouse effect?
Well, I've seen one at the end of the street. Do I?
Yeah, they've got a greenhouse, right? Yeah.
And every time they come out of it, they're laughing, singing, eating stuff.
I've seen one of them eating the pizza the other day, boxing all.
Yeah, I know.
I think that's a different sort of greenhouse effect for us, yeah.
Yeah.
By the way, Mr. Mack, what...
Hey, what are you gonna get your mum for Mother's Day?
For Mother's Day? Yeah.
Oh, I bought her a Michael Jackson record.
A Michael Jackson record?
Yeah, she's a Michael Jackson fan. Yeah, she even washes the dishes with one rubber glove.
So you buy her all the records?
Oh, buy her all the records. I might get a stereo next year for Christmas.
Fantastic, fantastic.
Yeah, I've also got her some nice roses, too, Mr. Mack.
Roses? Yeah.
Red roses? Yeah, Mr. Mack.
Red roses? Russell!
Russell!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It's an extraordinary fact of nature
that some human species have so much money
that they can't spend it all by themselves
and require the help of others.
This has given rise to the evolution
of a particular species called the interior decorator.
This species is the result
of cross-breeding a builder with a hairdresser.
Like the cuckoo, it's a species
that prefers to occupy the nests of others.
But in other ways, it's like the bowerbird.
Once it has occupied a burrow,
it proceeds to personalise it
by covering the walls with coloured ochre
and dragging in a host of bric-a-brac
known as decor.
It is a rare and delicate species
which must be treated with great care,
for it is so sensitive
that even so much as two deeper chateaux
can cause it profound distress.
Idiot.
The creature spends much of its time
trying to get things to match,
and when they don't, it's prone to shriek
and go into an anxiety state.
Why me?
Tragically, the constant breeding
required to keep the strains pure
has now taken its toll,
and the current generation of interior decorators
are nearly all suffering from
hereditary colour blindness.
That is why nearly all buildings today
are seen in terms of muted pastels
in over 200 shades of grey.
There are still some of the old school around, however,
which may be found in some of the more expensive
parts of Turok,
Anley and Paddington.
However, if you wish to approach one of them,
just make sure that you're not wearing
stripes on stripes.
Get them closed.
Oh, sorry.
No, I'll read them down.
OK. All right.
Been reading books.
Been watching telly.
I've been reading books about
what to do when you get married.
See?
Oh, good pictures.
Yeah.
Oh, what's he doing?
Oh,
looks hard.
He's fixing the toaster.
Oh, oh, oh, yes, yes.
Getting books on being a mother, too.
I think it's really important.
I'm sending away
this coupon.
Bringing up your children,
Catholic.
Yeah. Been expecting
for ages. Expecting?
Have you? When's it due?
A couple of weeks.
A couple of weeks?
Sorry, didn't know.
We better get married next week, then.
OK.
What about that gaiter party?
We can have that after.
Shags, do you
want to keep it? Yeah,
it'll probably come in handy.
I think maybe your mum
should look after it.
No, she left the last one down the laundromat.
Oh, down the laundromat?
You left a little baby down the
laundromat? No,
the book. Bringing up
your children, Catholic. Oh.
I thought
you were having a baby.
How could I?
I've never even...
...had a baby.
Yeah, forgot.
Yeah, so, do you think
that we should, you know, bring up
the kids Catholic?
Yeah, cos it says so in the book.
Right, so,
I should become a Catholic,
then. Yeah,
I will, too.
Actually, um,
I think my mum's a Catholic.
Is she? Yeah, she's got a picture
of the Pope in the lounge room.
Is he Catholic?
Yeah, I think so.
Did you see your mother from over stay?
No. Oh, she
would have liked that. Yes.
Shanks.
What, Dex?
Do you want a kiss to celebrate?
Celebrate what?
Not having the baby.
Oh.
Weren't you happy when you thought I was having a baby?
Yeah, I just would,
you know, rather do it
first.
Shhh.
Shhh.
Shhh.
Shhh.
Shhh.
Shhh.
Shhh.
Sh
This week on E! Street,
an outing for Ali and Bob turns into
a night they'll never forget.
Do I detect a sinful thought, Reverend?
And a young girl's ordeal divides
the community.
E! Street, Wednesday and Thursday, 7.30 on 10.
Can' you show me how,
Shanks, Shanks.
to cook such a good lookin' chuck?
Gladly!
Gladly.
Can you show me how to bake a perfect cake?
Gladly!
Gladly!
Can you show me how to keep a sandwich fresh?
Show me how to keep a salad fresh?
Gladly!
Show me how to stow this kitchen mess?
Gladly!
Gladly!
Gladly!
I'll do it gladly!
Can you show me how to keep the garbage neat?
Gladly!
Can you show me where to dump this garden junk?
Gladly!
Gladly!
Thanks!
I'll do it gladly!
That's Mum.
And that's Dad.
And this is new Odie Bar from Canterbury.
A muesli bar that actually tastes great.
Can't-be Odie Bars are not made for Mums or Dads.
But because they taste like real fruit juice trapped inside muesli, Mums and Dads will do anything to get a hold of them.
So whatever you do, keep them out of reach of parents.
Mum? Dad?
So, got any plans for tonight?
What, after we knock off?
Yeah.
Don't know yet.
How about a serious game of cards then?
Yeah, works for me.
On second thoughts...
What?
Last time I nearly lost my shirt.
Don't worry about it, mate.
Bet you'll wear the jacket I'm after.
Just you.
Just you.
Just me.
Just me.
Just you.
Just me.
Just me.
Just you.
Just me.
Just you.
Just me.
Just you.
Just me.
Just you.
Just you.
Just you.
Just you.
Just me.
Lucky, we asked Amy.
If you don't ask about Amy's premiums, you'd have to be Quakers.
Lucky, we asked Amy.
Lucky, we asked Amy.
Nobody makes soup in a cup like Continental.
Continental Copper Soup Special in eight varieties.
Continental Copper Soup Special with extra ingredients like croutons and delicious chopped vegetables.
That's special.
Can you show me how to bake a perfect cake?
Gladly.
Gladly.
There's no more stuck cake with Glad Bake and no more tins to clean.
That'll make you glad.
I'll do it gladly.
What time's your due?
Should be out in the next few minutes.
Bloody celebrities.
They don't mind how long they keep you waiting, do they?
I haven't got all day.
Editor's holding the front page for me.
Hey, great shot of Sinatra in the bar.
Oh, do you like it?
Thanks, yeah.
The look of surprise on his face.
He was pretty shocked.
You know how I did it.
They had to put a rope around my ankles and lower me from the fifth floor through the window.
And didn't he look disgusting?
I'm just sitting like a flab everywhere.
It beats me.
You know, you'd think if you were a public figure, you'd worry a bit more about your appearance.
They let themselves go.
Did you get the shot of that guy from home and away, his mother's dying?
No, no.
Wouldn't let me into intensive care.
You're joking.
Oh, sorry, it's private.
It's incredible, you know.
You help them get to the top, when they get there they just ignore you.
So callous.
Oh, here we go.
How?
How?
What are you?
Did you get anything?
No.
What are you going to say?
Oh, the usual, I guess.
Carly snubs press.
How about press photographer was jostled and punched today as he tried to snap Sinatra?
Gary Dare is a celebrity.
Gary's day begins each morning when he drives into his private parking spot in a studio car park.
I think working in television is like being a part of a team.
You feel like you're, well, a member of a big happy family.
First up is a production meeting to discuss today's show.
OK, so that means we've got the singing dog, we've got the snakes, we go to the ant farm and then Thatcher.
Who's that?
Thatcher, the British Prime Minister.
What's his name?
It's a sheep, Margaret Thatcher.
Can you talk to her?
Ah, right, right, can we have that on a card so I don't forget?
Can you put Thatcher on a card?
Margaret Thatcher.
Margaret Thatcher.
And Prime Minister.
I think I always wanted to be a television personality.
I remember as a kid I used to practice in the backyard.
Thank you, thank you.
Now our next guest is Matthew.
How is your billy cart going?
Good.
What kind of wheels do you have on it?
Gary Dare is, what's the word, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody.
What's the word?
Compassion.
Compassion, Gary Dare is compassion.
Is that the word?
Compassion.
Everything must be perfect.
Great.
Dare to be frank, dare to watch Gary Dare.
Every weekday at 10am Gary brings you news.
Gary brings you a special point of view.
So tune in to Gary tomorrow morning.
We Dare.
Great.
Despite a break neck schedule Gary still finds time over morning coffee to discuss yet another one of his projects.
This time a book.
Dare to be me.
Gary Dare story.
With me?
Of course.
That's great.
How's the body going?
The text.
The words.
The words.
Oh the words.
Right, well I've written some headings, some chapter headings.
I reckon if you've got your headings you've got the book.
Well you've certainly got some headings.
What have you got?
Gary Dare to be me.
Dare to win chapter one.
Dare to love.
Dare to succeed.
Dare to be healthy.
Recipes.
Favorite restaurants.
Dedicator.
Yeah, dedicator.
Poems, favorite poems.
And the final chapter, picture this, the final chapter, world peace with Gary Wayne.
Anyway have a look at those and see what you can do with them.
That's terrific.
Sure it's hard being recognized in the street but I guess that sort of thing just comes with
the territory.
Let's go Dare.
It is too.
I think it's important to treat everybody as human beings.
I try to do something special for each and every one of them.
If I can make one person happy it makes it all worthwhile.
He's picked my shirt.
Finally the time comes.
Thanks Graham.
Gary walks into the studio.
Good morning everybody.
This is his domain, his world.
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, thank you, thank you, somebody,
somebody, come on.
Somebody, somebody.
This is the moment when all the hours of production, the efforts of dozens of people will be focused
together to one purpose.
But ultimately it will rest on one man as to whether this show succeeds in the cut throat
jungle of morning television.
Hi, I'm Gary Dare.
Gary Dare, celebrity, star, complete idiot.
David Johnson, heading the best news team in Australia.
Tracy Kuro, in touch with all that's new and exciting.
Mal Walden, understanding what really makes Melbourne tick.
And they're together only on 10 when news comes first.
We interrupt this kiss for some important news.
Close-up toothpaste contains fluoride for strong, white, healthy teeth.
Close-up.
I'm feeling it.
I'm sorry, did you pack my green sweater?
Don't smile.
A change of scene, not too much to ask, just to know it will be even though it won't last.
Lucas, stop kicking.
There are times when nothing should distract you from what you're doing.
Lucas.
And because she'll know they should be where you want them to be, they've developed Australia's
leading network of service stations.
Taking a bit of a break.
It's alright.
It's a long trip, alright.
I got five on my own, I know what it's like.
Shell, they keep you free.
I want to do what you must do best.
Did you know that Nutrisweet is different from sugar because it's an artificial sweetener?
And that artificial sweeteners can only try to taste like sugar because they're developed in a laboratory.
Sugar, because only sugar can taste like sugar, naturally.
Sugar, you're a natural part of life.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, 20% off everything at Suzanne.
This may be the boat you've always wanted, but since Wednesday's Tatsalotto was jackpotted to an estimated $2 million,
this is the boat you could have.
Don't dream it.
Do it.
Hello.
I'm Cecily Beaton and I've got a book on my head.
Can you put a book on your head?
I think you can.
Now, some call me a little bit mad, some call me a little bit wacky,
but let's just say I'm a bit fussy at the moment in the Department of Deportment.
In fact, I'm a bit of a deportment freak because I think it's important, don't you?
You see, this is really ugly, whereas this is really nice, isn't it?
Why don't you find a nice book and sit up straight with me?
No, not the pop-up cameras who try.
I said a nice book.
I said Jane Austen would do very well.
Thank you.
No, there's no need to show off.
Just one book will do nicely.
I knew a little boy once who showed off and he was run over by a Polish ox cart.
Now, I think that speaks for itself, don't you?
Now, on to our mail.
Our first letter reads, Dear Mr. and Mrs. Beaton.
Well, I must say that I think that is tactless,
given that Mr. Beaton passed away in an accident with industrial boning machine.
Next letter.
Dear Cecily, a matter of form.
Does one say I find John Elliot to be a charming man,
or does one say I think John Elliot is a charming man?
The answer, of course, is neither.
If you have any form at all.
Thank you for writing, Mrs. Elliot.
And finally, Dear Cecily,
my husband has an annoying habit of cutting his toenails at the table.
It not only irritates me, but it seems to cause annoyance to other people in the restaurant.
Mrs. Sinclair,
if you will insist on marrying someone who obviously only learned to walk upright this morning,
you're asking for it, aren't you?
Ciao.
APPLAUSE
It was nice seeing Kate and Bill, wasn't it?
Yes.
They're so affectionate with each other, aren't they?
I would have said wet.
Oh, don't be mean. There's nothing wrong with people being affectionate.
I wish we had a relationship like that.
We can have one. Just have half our brains removed.
Stop. What?
Come on, they're lucky. I mean, we never do anything romantic.
Like what?
When was the last time we went for a moonlight walk?
Around here. We get mugged.
We never do proper things. We never go to the movies or anything like that.
Mary Ann, I took you to the movies a little while ago. You hated it.
It was violent.
It was Roger Rabbit.
It's still violent. It doesn't matter if it's toons or people.
The toon's exploding all over the place.
What if I take you to you don't like? It's either too violent, it's too sad, it's too long, it's too foreign.
I don't know. I just wish sometimes you'd show me a bit of affection in public.
What? I do show you affection in public.
No, you don't.
Mary Ann, what does it matter how much you show in public?
You know I love you. I know you love me. It doesn't matter what other people think.
But other people don't know that you love them.
Of course they know I love you. Why would I be with you if I didn't love you?
Oh, thanks very much.
What do you mean?
You're with me because you love me, not because you find me attractive.
How can you turn that into an insult? Of course I find you attractive.
That's why I love you, because I find you attractive.
No.
You mean no.
You just...