morning from the strangest dream it was the biggest crowd that the footy show
has ever seen and we'll march in as one on that road to the holy grail
the biggest army the world has ever seen we will march in as one on the road to the holy grail
start it out seeking for fortune and glory it's a short song but it's one hell of a story
you spend your lifetime trying to get your hands on the holy grail
have you heard about the great crusade we ran into millions and nobody got paid
we were raised on corners of the road from the holy grail
all the locals scattered they were hiding in the snow and we were so far from home so
how would we know there'd be nothing left to ponder when we stumbled on the holy grail
we were full of beans and we were dying like flies and those big black crows they were
searching in the sky and you know what they say nobody deserves to die
I've been searching for an easy way to escape the cold and hide all day
I've been high and I've been low but I've got nowhere else to go
there's nowhere else to go
and I'm telling my angels you gotta take me there and let's go
I followed orders God knows where I've been but I won't come alone no more
I'm still here I'm still looking for the holy grail
I'm the biggest fool that ever ran around the world searching for you
searching for the holy grail
and now your host Eddie McGuire
it's more than a game, it's more than a game, all that comes from the grave
and now your host Eddie McGuire
it's more than a game, it's more than a game, all that comes from the grave
and now your host Eddie McGuire
it's more than a game, it's more than a game, all that comes from the grave
and what a big year it has been in football, 12,000 people here tonight
because we're here for the one day in September, Winston Kilder taking on the Adelaide Crows
Ladies and gentlemen, what a show we've got in store for you tonight
Let's welcome our first panel as usual and one of the unluckiest men in the country tonight
What a champion, he was here at training tonight, let's hear it for Peter, Spider Everett
Spider, welcome to the footy show
Yeah thanks, great to be here
What about training tonight, you were sensational there
We might have a little bit of a look at the vision tonight
Spider down at Morabbin, 12,000 people down there
What was it like being out at training tonight mate?
It was magnificent, it was a crowd like this and you ran out there and they all rose to the occasion
it was absolutely beautiful, it's a wonderful time to be in football and you can't explain it, it's magnificent
It is indeed, how close were you to getting through it?
Well if they draw this weekend I'm probably 80-20 next week
So you missed by a week?
One week Eddie
Alright mate, and the boys, are they ready to go? Tell your fans, are you ready to win the flag?
Yeah they're pumped and they're ready
Alright
Sitting alongside the Spider, last year's Brownlow medalist, he's had a terrible year with injury this year
but he'll be back in form for the Bombers next season, that's it for Jimmy Hurd
Eddie, how are you?
Eddie, well you know what it's like to win in September, it's a great week isn't it?
It is a great feeling Ed, I think Spider's probably the only one that wants to draw
I think everyone at footy would like a result but it's just a huge week in footy
and this weekend will be the climax
And ladies and gentlemen, the skipper of the Hawthorne Football Club, the second greatest goal kicker in history
Let's hear it for Jason Danstal
Oh no
Well isn't it great to get booed by 10 or 15,000 people?
Well it's down this week is it?
Actually I think James got more boos than I did this week, they're turning on it Boog
They're starting to turn
It's a very exciting time of the year, the last two teams in it, it's been a huge build up
Everyone's talking about the grand final and wouldn't you like to be overseas at the moment?
I just want to get away from it
That's fantastic, this is what it's all about in football
Ladies and gentlemen, as usual, behind the bar tonight, let's hear it for Trevor Marmalade
Woohoo
Thank you
Nice game, nice game
Well mate, what can you say, we're battening down the hatches here
We're getting ready as herds, swarms of them come across the border like the plague across to Victoria
And one thing about the Adelaide invasion, it is unsavoury but it is very well timed
Yes
In that here in Victoria we don't have to hand in our automatic weapons until Tuesday
Oh
It started early tonight on the footy show, grand final edition as you can see
No chair, oh there's a chair but no one in it
A lot of people have been speculating whether or not Sam Newman would be part of the grand final edition show
after his outrageous comments last week where he said that he would resign from all forms of the media
He certainly did resign during the week, stop clapping up there, okay
He certainly did resign but we have knocked his resignation back, he has been forced to eat humble crow
So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sam Newman
Music
The crowd has landed, ladies and gentlemen.
Sammy, how humiliated do you feel?
How silly is that?
Well, mate.
Someone said, you've got a peacock.
I said, what do you think?
I squirted out me navel.
There we go.
Right after all the drama you've been through.
What do you think about them?
Yes, the food are magnificent.
What do you think about the crows?
They've finally made it through.
You said that they couldn't do it.
They're there.
We'll have a lot to say about that later, Ed.
We couldn't even contemplate what would happen if they got up.
We're going to think about it while we're sitting here listening to you.
Well, mate, you can't go on too much longer like that.
Go and get changed.
We'll take a break.
We'll be back with more on the footy show right after this.
Let's have a look at some of the friends you've made during the year.
Congratulations.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
Econovan not only has the best turning circle in its class, it also comes with a 2 litre engine as standard. From 18888, it's undoubtedly Australia's lowest priced full size van. Only if you afford truck stop.
That's different. New Cadbury Toffee, crisp almond toffee, covered in milk chocolate.
New Cadbury Toffee.
That's different!
Mum says you'll wear the paint off.
No chance.
Our assessment of the crash site indicates that you were speeding.
It's my sister.
I'm sorry. She never regained consciousness.
You have been charged with dangerous driving, occasioning death.
We can take you home now Mr Carpenter. Your mother has been informed.
Mum? Mum?
I was speeding.
It's full of life, and it's you.
We are certainly faced with complex challenges in our schools. Canberra Grammar School will meet these challenges, but we must think positively, be flexible, adapt, plan, take a lead, market, and never compromise on quality. Whatever else changes, the heart of the matter will surely not change. As we cannot create a future we can't imagine, we must become vision driven planners.
Train my boy McNeill to go toe to toe with the champ. And he did for 89 seconds.
Now there's new cheddar and bacon stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut.
So good you'll eat it backwards. Show them kid.
Hey Beau.
What do you think of the new tire displays?
Saved $60 on a set of Dunlop Steel Radials. Dunlop Grand Prix saved $70 a set, and a set of Dunlop Le Mans saved $80.
I reckon you should move them Dave.
Where Beau?
Out there.
Beau's Out There Sale. Top deals on tires. Call 132381 for your nearest Pro Repairs store.
Welcome back to Melbourne Park 12,000 Screamin' fans in here tonight as we get set for the Grand Final of 1997 between the Crows and the Saints. But beforehand we have to get through a lot of correspondence and now it's time for Sam's Mailbag.
Very very little.
Not much at all.
What?
Keep on with it.
What were you?
Just get on with it.
This is from Justine. This is Polish. Justine Vanderveld.
Or is that Dutch? What's that Dutch with?
It's Dutch.
Dutch.
Justine Vanderveld.
In creative writing, this is from Kiwi Rup Primary School.
In creative writing this week.
Credence.
In creative writing this week.
Sorry Sam. Sorry. Sorry. But look we've got a few Kiwi Rup wits here tonight.
In creative writing this week we had to write a letter to a famous person. I thought who is more famous than Mr Newman who runs the footy show?
That's what it's got to hear.
You were right the first time about the credence.
I thought that would piss you off.
I like you too. She says you are a bit rude, but she still laughs like crazy at some of the bits I don't understand.
I think Justine was a premature baby from an ejaculation by the same name Ed.
See if you understand that Justine.
I am glad there is not much racial abuse now. About now.
My brother said people used to call him a clogwog, but they stopped when he won the karate championship this year.
My school is not open at night so please don't ring. So that's that.
Now you remember that smaller cretin that wrote from Camperdown, which is a, and he just had his name and address and nothing else on the A4 paper.
That's right.
Now this is Polish Week. This is from Ben Van der Kamp.
Dutch.
Oh sorry, Dutch Week.
He's a teacher at St Patrick's Primary School.
On behalf of St Patrick's Primary School and Stephen Fitzgerald, Stephen was the small cretin that wrote it in,
I am writing to object to your treatment of our student. You truly are an idiot and a cretent, C-R-E-T-A-N-T, to use your words.
He deliberately left the letter blank knowing that you would pounce on it and mention it.
I am also certain that the children at our school would like to demonstrate what they can do with A4 sheets of paper.
I have paid good money for seats, now this is the part, I have paid good money for seats for the grand final footy show this Thursday,
but it really hurts me and wonder if it's worth going all the way down to Melbourne just to listen to your bullshit.
Now is Ben Van der Kamp in the crowd? Is he the teacher?
Ben's spelled Cretent, C-R-E-T-A-N-T, you can verify that. Up there, hey Ben?
Come on Ben!
Up there Ben, where are you? Put your hand up.
Up the back, under the forward sign. That's OK, you've got the bad seats.
Don't tell me he doesn't look like a pollock. He's Dutch.
Not only are you constantly, this is from Mrs S Atkinson from Woodville, not only are you constantly criticising Adelaide,
but now also Channel Rex and Talking Footy hosted by Bruce McEvaney.
Their show recently won an award, which you obviously think you should have won.
Surely you both, that's you and me, don't consider yourselves to be in the same league as Bruce McEvaney.
Is that from Norwood?
Oh no, we don't consider ourselves in the same league as Bruce, Christ no.
Geez, we wouldn't be on air if we were.
True.
Where does that letter come from, Sam? Dawker Street, South Melbourne?
Well it says, yeah exactly, could be, it says Woodville. At least Talking Footy does talk about footy.
Where's it from, Woodville?
Woodville.
You know where Bruce is from? Woodville, is he?
He's a good bloke Bruce. But we're going to show you we do not consider ourselves in the same league at all.
Your show is so critical of Adelaide football clubs and the supporters whom you refer to as morons.
And look how they spell cretins. I'll write it out for you. We've got time for this, Ed?
We haven't really.
This is how you spell cretin, just in case you don't know. Geez, how did you ever be able to stuff that up?
Now look, that's how you spell cretin, which one?
Now in case you're going to write it and get it right, we've got cretant and cretin, E-N. So that's...
By the way, Bruce McEvaney was the football captain at Woodville High, so it might have been his old teacher.
Bloody great bloke. Bruce?
Trev?
Yeah, I've got one here. For those of us wondering about the Brisbane Riddell, of course, at the start of the year we were thinking Brisbane was certain East would win the flag,
because they'd merged with Fitzroy, they were so class last year. We were wondering what happened to Brisbane.
I've got the solution in my hand here, a letter from a guy called James from Brisbane, and who reckons, here's the solution,
it was bad luck, A, will we be better next year, but...
It's actually, yeah, he's in close to joking, it's pretty dodgy, but it's not bad.
Oh, go on, have a go.
What do you call a cute Lebanese guy?
I don't know, what do you call it?
As if.
LAUGHTER
CHEERING
Now, just finally, Ed, and a special good evening tonight to all our Lebanese, Dutch and Polish friends out there in the community.
Just finally, Ed, just before you do the best of the lookalikes, have a listen to this for a vein home.
Melanie Brown, I wanted to ask you, as it's your grand final edition of the Footy Show,
could you say hello to myself and my friends Joe, Jess, Elaine, Carly, Marie and Alana, who will be at Jess's house watching.
Now, would you reckon we'd say hello to them?
No, of course not.
Of course you wouldn't.
OK.
I mean, what a ridiculous request that is.
Lookalikes.
Starting with... hey, here are the best of the lookalikes.
I've got to pretend I'm not reading this, Spider.
Starting with the man from the Western galaxy, Jared Nisham, and Yoda.
LAUGHTER
From Star Wars.
Here's the well-groomed Massey Richardson with Chewbacca.
LAUGHTER
Next is the well-read Bill Brownless with the bookworm.
LAUGHTER
And...
APPLAUSE
Here's their own bit of royalty, Ed, with King Willy Wheaties.
LAUGHTER
Ed's got so many chins he has to jack his face up to wash it.
LAUGHTER
I know we're going bad and we're starting to slag each other, Ed.
That's the last reminder call you'll get for the sequence tonight, I can tell you.
The man known as the sentiment Greg Williams with the piano man Elton John.
And the mixed marriage classics, Ed.
Wayne Carey and Ozzie Joe Gutnick.
LAUGHTER
Robert Walls and Kevin Sheedy.
LAUGHTER
Now, that could be a cretin.
And David Boone and Michael Gale.
APPLAUSE
That's it.
The best of the lookalikes and the mixed marriages from 1997.
Now, last week on the Footy Show we had a very emotional scene
when Bob Scilton came on and told us about 15 years ago
when his son Darren was killed in a car accident
how he threw away all his football memorabilia
and 15 years later really, really regrets that decision to do so.
Well, during the week we've had an enormous response.
Before we explain exactly what's happened,
let's look back on what Bob Scilton had to say last week.
Just out of, I'm just curious, out of all the memorabilia
that you burnt or destroyed or were disposed of,
is there anything in particular, I mean, obviously it was all pretty much treasure,
but is there one particular piece or item that you wish you could have back?
Yeah, probably a fact, really.
Well, we received some fantastic phone calls.
One from a guy called Dieter Hoffman,
who in fact was behind Bob at the tip at Springvale
when Bob threw all his gear away
and has a lot of the memorabilia which he wants to give back.
But we've got some of the jumpers. Dieter didn't have a jumper.
One from a girl called Zilla Shannon of Cheltenham in Victoria
who won Bob's number 14 in the Truth Brownlow competition of 1968.
So she's donated it back to Bob, which is fantastic.
APPLAUSE
Another one signed and autographed by Bob, the famous number 14,
from Heather and Skeet Atkinson of Brighton in Victoria.
APPLAUSE
And I tell you what, this could have been Bob's first one.
This one's still got the plastic numbers on the back.
How old's that? It's a beauty.
The old number 14, the Bloods jumper,
and that came from Maxine Hammond from Brahma Lodge in South Australia.
We really appreciate it. Fantastic stuff.
APPLAUSE
Bobby will be sending them down to you during the week.
So great news here for Bob Skilton.
Speaking of jumpers, of course Coca-Cola in their countdown to the finals
have been giving a massive countdown right throughout the season.
And tonight we're going to give away one of the very special jumpers.
This one here, two days to go, as you can see.
It has been autographed by both the Crows and the St Kilda teams.
And, ladies and gentlemen, we want you...
This is going to be sensational.
There are only 12,000 people in the drawer here to stand up,
and under your seat there's a photo of Sam Newman.
If it's under your seat, you get the jumper.
CHEERING
That's it.
CHEERING
There he is.
CHEERING
Congratulations, pal. You get the Coca-Cola Countdown jumper.
Number two. We'll take a break.
If you think all the bloopers happen on the footy show,
check this out back with more from Melbourne Park right after this.
MUSIC
I stood on my mirror. Ask anyone.
Ask anyone.
LAUGHTER
Sam, great day for trading, mate.
You're such a thing, Jack. Are you going to open the door?
Am I allowed to?
F***!
Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya.
LAUGHTER
Oh, shortly I do.
Nya-nya-nya-nya-nya-nya-nya.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
Oh, f***!
LAUGHTER
Thank you, sir.
LAUGHTER
We'll do that.
Yes, Connie, as I speak, I'm on the outskirts of Ballarat
and behind me here are some hills...
WHISTLE
LAUGHTER
How hard is it to say behind me here are some hills
and some f*** are going to come over?
We're on the outskirts of Ballarat and at any moment
over these hills could come an onslaught of migratory inbreds
and flea-ridden f***.
LAUGHTER
Good day, darling. What are you doing today?
I'm waiting for my boyfriend.
He's just inside grabbing me some lunch.
Is he? Whereabouts?
Kegah!
What are you doing?
Oh, I've got no idea what you're doing.
LAUGHTER
Kegah!
Hello, Doug. You sure you didn't want something?
No, I didn't.
LAUGHTER
Can I... Can you tell me to ask him?
No.
LAUGHTER
Good day, darling. What are you doing today?
I'm waiting for my boyfriend. He's just getting me some lunch.
Oh, whereabouts is he?
LAUGHTER
Where are you going?
LAUGHTER
I hope you like this. I hope you like starting.
I do.
Go, Ricky.
Oh, can you do... I can't do that!
LAUGHTER
If I don't watch it, I'll be seeing him in London.
He's just going to embarrass the shit out of me.
LAUGHTER
Hi. I'm Trent.
Feeling a bit alone.
I refuse to kick out.
Why not call me
for all the Collingwood set plays?
LAUGHTER
Mr. Behouden's cat.
All right, thank you, Sam.
LAUGHTER
Oh, I love the way it is.
Oh, you play the music. It's fantastic.
LAUGHTER
CHEERING
MUSIC
That's different.
Yeah. It's a new Cadbury Toffle.
Chris Balmond toffee covered in milk chocolate.
New Cadbury Toffle.
It's different.
MUSIC
K.D. Lang.
MUSIC
A new album is drag.
It makes that you are powerless.
MUSIC
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MUSIC
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MUSIC
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MUSIC
Gun owners claim law abiding citizens
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Because most gun owners are law abiding
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Soon everyone in New South Wales
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Read it carefully
because the penalties can be quite
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a law abiding citizen.
A message from the New South Wales
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MUSIC
That's different.
See capric toffee.
Crisp almond toffee
covered in milk chocolate.
New Cadbury top.
It's different!
It's more than a game.
Every single day.
It's more than a game.
Welcome back to the Footy Show Grand Final Edition 1997.
You heard the voice there of Chris De Heeney, of course, who sings more than a game.
He's got a new single out at the moment, too. It's called Can You Hear the Rain?
As Molly would say, do yourself a favour, get hold of that one.
Get on you, Chris.
Let's hear it for Chris De Heeney and the boys down here singing the song tonight.
Okay, let's talk Brownlow Metals.
What are you doing?
Blake down there, I can't believe it.
Whereabouts?
There's a clown down there in a Adelaide hat and crows jumper.
What?
You absolute moron.
You are a dickhead.
Creighton.
It's typical, isn't it?
There's always one clown that spoils it for everyone else.
And who are you?
I'm your son.
And your son?
You idiot, Jordan, you're my son.
This is my son.
He's a...
Your son barracks for the Adelaide Crows?
Now, you tell him, you're at no foot's up with this, he's barracked for the Crows since their inception.
I've bought him all that stuff over the years.
He got Tony Modra to write to him on his 10th birthday.
Jordan, can I ask you why, when you fail at playing 300 games for Geelong,
you barrack for the team that he despises, the Adelaide Crows?
I'm a new player.
Yeah.
Good answer came from the crowd there.
What do you reckon?
Sit down, I'll belt you to within an inch of your life when I get home.
Which could be about next year, I reckon.
I'm going to say, you won't have to worry about that, Jordan.
All right, let's move on now.
Let's talk about the Brantlow Medal during the week, boys.
We've got a Brantlow medallist over there in James Heard, of course.
James?
Eddie, uh...
Um...
He was a...
Thanks, mate, Jase.
I think that was one of the better Brantlow medallists we've had,
but the AFL probably didn't handle the situation as well as they could have.
I mean, just the way Chris Grant and Robert Harvey were put into it,
I didn't think was great,
but what can you do in a difficult situation like the one we had?
Well, look, last year they were bagged
because they didn't mention Corey McEwen,
and this year they probably gave Chris a little bit too much prominence.
But what about the actual voting capabilities?
So, Trev, what do you think?
I think it's strange that when the AFL got up
and congratulated Chris Grant on exactly what, do we reckon?
Well, they're also saying, congratulations, Chris Grant,
and you haven't won anything.
Now, Ed, and Jason,
you're not leaving the panel till you actually say something,
but this is the way they should have done it.
It was a good night as Brantlow and Middlesco.
They should have read the last section of votes, round 22,
they should have read Chris Grant's vote out first
and said, Chris Grant has now got 27 votes,
but he is ineligible to win the Brantlow medal.
The only two, because that's the way it worked out,
that can win the Brantlow medal
are Robert Harvey and Peter Metera,
and then they should have got it out of the way
and then gone on with it and said...
and read out the votes and said,
Robert Harvey is the winner.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I've got to say, Sam,
for, I guess, one of the very rare times,
I do agree with you,
I was disappointed the way the whole affair was handled.
No disrespect intended to Chris Grant,
but I thought, Robert Harvey's a champion player,
it was his night,
and they detracted from his night.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
James, do you think that they should change it now
to just the best, or...?
Well, a lot of people believe, and I was talking to a lot of football people
during the week who just said, no, it is the umpires' award,
it is the best and fairest, or the fairest and best,
just leave it as it is, and if you get rubbed out,
that's bad luck.
I think that's the way it should be, Ed, it's an exclusive award,
different to every other award, there are awards for the best player
who maybe does get suspended throughout the year in the media,
but the way the votes went this year, I think, was excellent.
I think that probably the best two players in the competition
got the most votes
and it did reflect the umpires did have something
or got something right.
Well, outside of the footy show awards, of course,
the Brownlow is the most prestigious award in the caper.
Hello to Geoff Kenneth tonight.
Sorry about that one, Geoff.
Anyway, let's have a look at how Sam Newman caught up
with a number of people on Brownlow Metal Night.
MUSIC PLAYS
Right through here is the closest Channel Rex allows to...
If you were with Channel Rex, you'd get in, you idiot.
LAUGHTER
That's as close as that man there allowed us
to get the cameras to the 1997 Brownlow count,
but the real competition has been out here in the foyer.
I've never seen more magnificent looking bodies
than not on the footballers.
Would it be out of order to say you look sensational?
Well, thank you.
We were drawn like a magnet to this magnificent looking woman.
Can anyone get any better looking, Shane?
That's what I wanted to know, you put on a bit since we saw you last?
Yes, I have.
Um, I'm actually a bit of a fan of you,
but I'm not sure I've ever seen you in person.
I've never seen you in person.
Can anyone get better looking?
Um, I'm actually pregnant, Sam.
Oh, pardon me, I am. Sorry about that.
How are you bringing it on?
Well, I hesitate to tell you, but it is a man.
LAUGHTER
Can't start, Sam, please.
Were you at the, um... Ground?
Yes, I was.
Shed a tear?
I did a little. Disappointing.
Nice to have women crying over you, mate.
We cried out of our souls.
I'll give you the mullets.
I'll be perfectly honest, Lashall. I'd shed a tear myself,
because that was one of my predictions going down the gopher again.
Earrings?
And what a bit do they make? Underwear Chanel?
Oh, I don't know about that.
No, so you haven't got Chanel...
Not a G-string, I know.
G-string, my God. Isn't that absolutely enchanting?
Are you in the business?
Me, um, I do modeling,
so I know a little bit about fashion.
Absolutely.
Well, thank you very much indeed.
My pleasure. Have a nice evening.
Thank you. I've already had one.
APPLAUSE
Well, of course,
we all acknowledge
Robert Harvey as a champion of the game
and a more than worthy Brownlow medallist.
There's no doubt about that. Let's hear it for Robert Harvey, everybody.
What a champion he is.
APPLAUSE
But...
We also acknowledge that the Bulldogs
have had a shocking week getting put out of the finals,
of course, and Chris Grant has...
Well, he's been a fantastic player,
and remember that the way he was rubbed out on Trial By Video,
he ended up getting three votes.
The umpires elected him the best and fairest player on the ground that day,
only to go down on Trial By Video.
So let's welcome the man himself,
Chris Grant, to the footy show.
CHEERING
MUSIC
And, Chris, you might have missed out on the Brownlow,
you might have missed out on playing a grand final,
but tonight we can present to you
the inaugural Dermott Brereton Award
for the best player,
well, the best vote getter of a rubbed-out player
in the Brownlow.
Thank you, Eddie.
You have most votes of a player rubbed out
and, as a result, the footy show
are going to send you and your girlfriend
away on a holiday.
So congratulations, mate.
Thank you.
Where are we sending him?
CHEERING
Pick up.
I think I'm going to have to start whacking blokes.
All I'm going to have to do is worry about getting the votes, then.
No chance. No.
Whack blokes. They'll only whack you.
Just get straight up.
There's not a bloke you've whacked that's stayed on the ground.
You are a puff nose. How can you talk about aggression?
Can we just get the camera in on his nose
and see what a puff nose is?
Chris, we'll get back to Chris.
Chris, what about the situation?
How was it sitting at home, knowing that you rubbed out?
You couldn't win the award. You knew that sitting in Williamstown.
But as the votes went on
and you knew you were probably a good chance to pick up votes
in the last round and you thought,
I'm going to actually win the Brownlow, after last year
missing out on the Brownlow win in the last game,
your great mate James Hurd over here picked up three votes.
You picked up two and Essendon
had defeated the Weston Bulldogs by three points on that occasion.
So you're probably a bit stiff there.
I don't know about that night.
Last year certainly James
had a fantastic last round
and obviously deserved the last three votes.
It was pretty difficult sitting at home
on Monday night
and we played Waltham in the last round
and I wasn't too sure
whether I'd get too many votes in that game at all.
And after
Robert passed me, I thought
perhaps if I don't get votes I won't have to worry about it.
But unfortunately,
unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever say that again,
but unfortunately
I did get two votes in that last game
and it took me past Robert.
Now Chris, I've got a theory that
the umpires didn't report you,
they had a look at the vision and they didn't report you.
I reckon they kept giving you votes purely because you deserved it.
Usually they drop off people who have been reported.
I reckon they did it
to stick it up the league in the end.
I'm not sure.
Corey McEwen had the same thing last year, so
it's not a whole new situation.
James?
Chris, after the night the Footscray guys
seemed to come round to your place pretty quickly.
Did it end up being a big night in the Grand Household after the Brownland?
Well, well, Melanie and myself
were looking at having an early night, James.
And unfortunately
the guys came round to spoil the party.
Who was that?
Melanie, my girlfriend Melanie.
Melanie, sorry.
Spider, has it been a tough week
since the camp, just the next few days after it?
I think so.
Spider, I think we just had a disappointing
weekend and
perhaps it was the icing on the cake for us
to go down to Adelaide
after leading by so much
and then eventually
come Monday night to really not
be able to win the Brownland medal was a bit disappointing.
But really the focus for me has really
been the disappointment of not winning on Saturday.
Grant, the press conference on Tuesday
I thought you handled yourself very well and
really spoke excellently. Was that your idea or
did the Italian management side do you?
A bit of both, James.
John Andrews, yourself.
We sort of spoke
the day of the Brownlow
just in case something did happen that night.
And we decided that if
I were able to get up and win it
then we wouldn't make any statement on that night.
I think the main reason we did that was because
we didn't want to take too much of the focus away
from Robert. It was a difficult
situation for me to be in and
I'm sure it was for Robert as well.
We thought we'd just make a statement the following morning
and let Robert have his glory.
Alright Chris, forget the Brownlow. What happened in the last 35 minutes
of football for the Western Bulldogs this year?
I wish we knew. I wish we knew, Eddie.
We've had a few days to think about it
now and it's been a really disappointing week.
It's going to be
a long six months before we play our next game
and get a chance to redeem ourselves.
We've had a lot of
the last few days to think about that
and hopefully if it's a learning experience
for us we've seen over the last couple of years with North Melbourne
and Carlton over the last couple of years
it's been more of a learning experience
for them and hopefully we can get up in the next couple of years.
Good on you Chris. Now Greeny, can I
just ask one more question. It was
reported after the game that Terry Wallace
was disappointed with some of the senior players
for the last quarter capitulation. Has anything
been said along those lines? Was it true Chris
that he actually said to you boys you were
talking about...
Is it true that the coach said
after the game... Shut
up. Don't encourage it.
Is it true that the coach said after the game
you blokes were talking about getting tattoos
after the season. Why don't you go and get a tattoo
that we blew at 1997 on your
forehead? I don't know
about the latter but yeah look
it was just a disappointing day for us and
I suppose in situations
like that when you're up against a side
who's looking at playing in a grand final and all of a sudden
you start going down and the
other side starts coming back. You want your senior
players to be able to stand up and be counted and
unfortunately us as a group
didn't stand up and Adelaide overran us.
Well last year runner up
this year disqualified, next year
well the world's his oyster again.
Let's hear it for Chris Cairn from the Western Bulldogs.
And what we have here is as a
result of last week tipping on Sports
Bed Den of the Crown, Sam
got the winner in Robert Harvey
so too did Bobby Skiulton and Graham Teasdale
and as a result we can donate to the Variety Club
a cheque for $1650.
There you go.
Alright.
We're going to go to the
interchange. We want Spider to stay
with us to have a look at the St Kilda side
which we'll be doing in a few moments time.
In the meantime we're going to say Herdy, you can slip off
and prepare for other activities.
Jason before you go of course. Thanks.
Is this the last time we're saying goodbye to you?
Are you going to go to Channel Rex next year or what?
What would you do there?
I have no idea what I'd do there. Probably the same
I do here. Nothing.
What have they asked you to do there?
They've asked me to do nothing Sam.
It's basically just all rubbish that you and
Eddie have made up. It's ridiculous. So you can say
right here and now officially you're staying at nine?
I can't quite say that.
Why can't
you say that? I have no idea what I'm
doing next year. Well why not? Why don't you stick
with us? Sorry for not mapping out my future.
Ladies and gentlemen we know that these two have a great
go at each other. Let's look back on some of the battles
during the year between Jason Dunstel
and Sam Newman.
I've got no problems with
God's gift of
warthogs.
My heart goes out you Sam. I was
whacked at my front door once. Tell you what,
don't upset the Mormons. Whatever you do.
I was shattered when I heard.
I mean a lot of people probably thought I would be
you know, overjoyed by
the thing but
God I'm a poor liar aren't I?
I've got to tell you Sam, I laugh my
guts out.
What are you doing there?
Oh, now I'm getting a
eh? I've just about had enough of you
alright? Now that's fair dinkum.
Sam we haven't really got on to the
loss of license yet. What happened mate? Just
drove around till you sobered up.
You want to hope
they've got short memories?
They might never remember you ever
again.
Keep it up and you'll be a memory in a minute.
I'll stand on this table
next week
with a jock strap on.
If Collingwood
beat Geelong. Any chance of doing something
that we'd be interested in Sam?
Wake up Sam, it'll be okay.
Look Ricky Lake's starting.
Go Ricky, go Ricky.
It's an unfortunate thing for some celebrities.
Some celebrities become that famous
that they can't even go out.
In fact Sam has become so famous he can't even go
home.
How fortunate can anyone be just to be alive?
No really, it's about how it is.
Is this Shangri-La?
Have we died? Are we in heaven?
G'day.
Haven't seen a sheep have ya?
Nah mate.
G'day.
Have you found that sheep of yours yet Ken?
Nah, I reckon it shot through.
Care to join me for lunch?
It's a lamb hot pot.
Hot pot. If you've got the meat
you've got the meal.
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Just like my team said
Treaty end, treaty end, treaty end, treaty end
Treaty end, treaty end, treaty end
A song to celebrate, a song to celebrate
By the way, it's a pain, it's a pain
Treaty end, treaty end, treaty end, treaty end
Treat it, treat it, treat it, treat it now.
And let's hear it once again for Yifi Hindu and Menwa Hunapindu.
Our Aboriginal players tonight. Chris Johnson, Michael Long, Shea Cockatoo Collins, Justin Murphy, Joy Cook, Michael O'Loughlin, Shane Bond and Peter Burgoyne.
and our other players here tonight, Daniel Harford, Gary O'Donnell, Damian Monkhurst, Steve Phoebe, Stephen Tinge, Duncan Kelliway, Ben Gray and Daniel Chick
and how significant with the racial vilification laws really kicking in in the AFL in recent times
to see the two protagonists there and I should speak of Damian Monkhurst and Michael Long
going hand in hand together, that's fantastic, that's what football is all about.
Let's hear it for the Indian, let's hear it for our footballers and let's hear it for the end of racial vilification in sport.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome a couple of new panel members now, we've got Spider who's sticking with us
because in a moment we're going to be announcing the teams for the 1997 Grand Final
but from the Melbourne Football Club, their captain and the great news is he is absolutely training the house down,
he's getting over that back injury and will be back in town in 98. Let's hear it for Gary Lyon.
And from the Hawthorn Football Club, voted during the week as the Spunk of the Year, let's hear it for Shane Corford.
Okay, let's talk Grand Final now and Spider, it was a big night of training tonight, 12,000 people down at Moorabbin
and it was a fantastic atmosphere there.
Yeah, it was a great atmosphere, there's no doubt about it, something we've never experienced before
and just running out onto the ground, it was just magnificent, it was just unbelievable.
All the supporters there, it was just magnificent, it was just something you can't explain.
Yes, there were sausage sizzles going on and this is the Haka, tell us about this one Spider
because at the end of the night everybody put headbands on, was that for your honour there?
Yeah, it was a rest in peace Spider kind of thing I think.
But no, we've done that a couple of times and all the mucked up there but yeah, we've done this for a couple of years
and as we said last week, it just pumped the boys up a bit and got the crowd behind us.
It certainly was, it was fantastic down there at Moorabbin tonight
and joining us in the audience tonight also, one of the great men of the AFL, you have to say that now
because he was the president of the St Kilda Football Club when they were the shockers of the competition.
Now they're through to the Grand Final, please welcome to the footy show tonight, Andrew Plimpton is with us in the audience tonight.
Good to see Andrew down on the front table there.
Good on you Andrew.
Hi Andy.
Andrew, congratulations, good luck to your club on Saturday but gee, it's a long way from the bottom to the top, isn't it?
Where's Bobby?
Yes, it is a long way.
Bobby?
What are you talking about?
Where's Bobby?
Bobby who?
Bobby Hammond.
Bobby Hammond is in Adelaide, what do you think he is?
Let's talk to Andrew first before we worry about sticking into the crows.
Worry about your son, he's barracking for them these days.
We'd tell you to stand up pros but you're probably taller sitting down.
Good sheep.
Well Andrew, this must be almost a dream come true, nearly a dream come true mate.
Well nearly a dream come true, let's wait until Saturday night before we announce it a dream come true.
Good on you Andrew, thanks for joining us on the footy show tonight, Andrew Plimpton, the St Kilda president.
Let's talk to a couple of the boys who are going to be playing, unfortunately the Spiner will be in the stands with us.
But one bloke who will be and what a fantastic story this will be if the Saints can get up.
Because as we all know the Saints have only won one flag in 1966, this could be their second.
In the first one there was a bloke playing in the back pocket by the name of Brian Sirikowski.
And on Saturday there will be a fellow by the name of David Sirikowski in the ruck.
Let's cross out to his bright home now and welcome from the St Kilda football club, David Sirikowski.
Good on you, how are you going?
Well done David. Thank you.
I mean this must be something that you would have been dreaming of as a kid over in WA that you could one day represent the Saints.
And follow in your fathers footsteps and maybe win a grand final.
Yeah look I've, ever since I was a little kid I always dreamed about playing footy for St Kilda.
And now that you know I'm obviously playing league footy with them and to be part of a grand final campaign is just absolutely sensational.
Now Dave as it turns out you're probably going to be the man who the side relies on to negate pitiful Pittman and Sean Wren.
Have we got the handbook out to work out how to do it?
I haven't actually got the handbook out but I've been speaking to crackers throughout the week and a few other guys, Michael Green and...
Crackers eh?
Yeah crackers, that's right.
And a few other blokes just to make sure that I'm switched on and I know what I'm going to do once I get out there.
Dave it's Gary Lyne here, congratulations mate and good luck this week.
Thanks Gary.
What about the fitness, you are a big solid lad. Are you going to be able to run the whole game out in the ruck or will you be sharing the duties with Brett Cook perhaps?
Look there's no doubt that I'll be sharing the duties with Brett Cook.
And running the, as far as running the game out I mean I think my fitness is fine.
I've been training since you know mid October last year with Russell Green and all the boys and my fitness is fine.
This is Grand Final, this is what we do all our pre-season for so you know we're really looking forward to it.
David did you grow up listening to your dad's stories about 66?
Oh dad really only tells me one story about 1966 and that was, he reckons he was best on ground but I've seen the video a few times and I'm not really too sure about that.
Well good luck maybe you might be able to pull off that double as well.
While you're lying there sit back and relax and let's have a look at the teams and there are some interesting changes to both lineups for the Grand Final of 97.
Let's have a look at this and kill the line up first of all.
Coming into the side is Robbie Neal who will obviously have a tagging role and going out Matthew Young who's injured his back which is a tragedy there for Matthew Young going out of the side yet another injured player.
From the back line we've got Justin Peckert, Jamie Shanahan, Jason Cripps, the halfbacks are Max Hudgdon, Darrell Wakelin, Stephen Ziller, Ozzy Jones the all Australian on the wing, Tony Brown in the centre
and Nicky Wynmar who celebrated his 32nd birthday today and of course his father Ilan W.A. has plenty to play for Nicky Wynmar.
The half forwards are Jason Daniels, Stuart Lowe, Matthew Laban, the forwards are Barry Hall, Jason Heatley and Andrew Thompson.
The followers are Brett Cook who of course came from Fitzroy last year seemed to be out of favour early on in the year behind a whole list of tall players.
Suddenly he's the first ruck in a Bremership side maybe.
Harvey of course the Brownlow medallist and Nathan Burke the co-captain, the interchange Rod Kehoe, Robbie Neal and David Sirikowski
and the emergencies are Christian Barsley, Daniel Healy and Shane Wakelin but bad luck there for Matthew Young and Robbie Neal comes into the side.
Let's have a look at the Adelaide Crows now in their very first grand final only in their 10th season it's a sensational performance
and David Pittman comes back from suspension and former Collingwood player Brett James comes into the line up for a grand final
out of course Tony Modro has had his knee reconstructed this week and Trent Ormond Allen who came back from a broken jaw
only now to of course contracted glandular fever so how unlucky is he.
Let's have a look at the line up of the Crows from the back line Kane Johnson, Nigel Smart, Ben Hart.
Then we've got Simon Goodwin, Peter Cave in the centre half back and Andrew McLeod.
The centre line is Matt Connell, Darren Jarman and Clay Sampson.
The half forwards Shane Allen, Matthew Robram and Chad Rentoul.
The forwards are Rodney Jamison, Sean Wren and Troy Bond.
The followers David Pittman who comes in, Kim Costa and Mark Bickley the captain,
the interchange Tyson Edwards, Brett James and Aaron Keating.
In the emergencies are Brett Chalmers, Barry Stanfield and Simon Tragenza.
Pittman in and James, Modro and Ormond Allen out of the side.
Sam what do you think of their respective line ups? There's a lot of no name brand footballers there for a grand final isn't there guys?
Who you'd never dream would have made it through to a grand final.
That is true Ed and I just would like to say in all seriousness we feel for Tony Modro
who we give a bit of a bit to but he's been a fantastic player this year
and that would be an absolute tragedy as it would be for Ormond Allen and the other young boy.
But Tony we really do sympathise with you a bit like Jason last year up in Sydney.
Well he's won the Coleman medal of course and now he's out of the grand final side.
Boys first of all Spider are you happy with the side as it lines up for St Kilda?
Yeah unfortunately for Youngie it's one of those things.
You really feel for him getting admitted obviously tonight and it really opens the door for Robbie Neal.
I don't think he's played seeing us for probably nearly two months.
It would have been eight weeks and it's just a very big opportunity for him and I hope the 21 of them make the most of it.
Alright well let's go back to Cira. Cira you're on the bench at the moment.
Do you expect to start there and just interchange with Cook and run it around that way?
Yeah I think that's probably what's going to happen Ed.
Cookie started off last week and did a very good job on McKernan.
And we sort of switch about half way through the first quarter and just take it from there.
Would it depend on who starts in the ruck for Adelaide? If it was Wren would Cook start and if it was Pittman would you start?
No I don't think it'll change Sam. It's the way it worked last week so there's no reason why it won't work again this week.
Alright let's go to Gary Lyon. Now Gary these two teams are the best kicking teams in the competition.
They get the ball inside the forward 50 more than any other teams in the comp.
Adelaide Crowes got the best defence. St Kilda got the best midfield.
Yeah I think the midfield is going to be one of the key reasons that perhaps I think St Kilda will win Ed.
I think Harvey and Burke's ability to run and run hard from start to finish is going to be a handful for Adelaide.
I just can't see who's going to pick them up. I see Jarman has been named in the middle and Jarman on Harvey would be pretty interesting.
One who's brilliant but spasmodic and the other one who's just a perennial runner.
So that'll be interesting. Sirikowski and Cook's ability to get the footy to ground level is all important.
Croft what about you mate? You play in the midfield. How do you go against these guys?
Let's have a look at the Crows first of all. Can you pick them off do you think? Can the Saints do it?
I think Darren Jarman's certainly the key but firstly I'd just like to congratulate both sides on making the grand final.
It's a fantastic effort and also the Hawthorn Reserves are in the grand final so good luck to them.
We've got a few supporters here and also Eddie I do believe St Kilda will win and I think the Norm Smith medallist will be Andrew Mini-Thompson number 29.
For what reason? Because he does all the one-percenters, he's worked really hard and he won't let this grand final slip away.
Andrew Mini-Thompson. He was St Kilda's best player last week. He'll be the Norm Smith medallist will he?
There you go, you'll probably get him at 50 to 1 at Sportbic. Sportbook I did.
He has had an outstanding year Tom O and I think he kicked the first goal last week.
It'll be great to see him have a big one. Trev how do you think this game will pan out?
It's very difficult to say although the game's changed a lot hasn't it?
From the old suburban league, of course St Kilda taking on the City of Adelaide and it's probably just as well it's gone outside the suburban league.
I live in St Kilda and having walked around the streets there for the last few days I don't think we could really rustle up a team out of the suburb.
Although if we could it would be a tough team but they'd probably be late.
Spider in your considered opinion, yours too Gary and of course yours too Shane.
Would you think that Robert Harvey, the Brownlow medallist, they'll have to do something about him just like maybe St Kilda will have to do something about a couple of the Adelaide key players.
But what do you think they would do with Robert Harvey, the Crows?
Obviously you'd be tagged.
Have you given this a lot of thought mate?
Well I don't really play in Robert Harvey's position, I'm sorry Sam, but I've actually helped David Sirachoski through the week and Brett Cook hoping I can give them a lending hand.
But my opinion is that I think Robert Harvey will be tagged and they'll probably use a two or three man rotation on him which clubs have to because of the amount of ground he does cover.
Let's go for some tips here, what do you reckon Gary, who's going to win the game?
I think St Kilda will win Eddie and win by about 26 points in the end, quite comfortable.
Shane Crawford?
Well Ed I think, yeah I'm the same as Gary but I think they'll win by 27 points.
Oh okay, Sam we'll wait for your tip for a few moments.
In the meantime let's thank David Sirachoski for being on the show tonight, we really appreciate it, appreciate it David and good luck on Saturday and let's hope for your safety and we'll see you later.
Thank you.
You're nice to meet with the Sirachoski's father and son if they can get up the saints.
We'll go to the break and have a look at some of the big stories that have been broken on the footy show this year.
I read the news today oh boy.
Carlton will run on to Optus Oval but they won't be the Navy Blues, they will be the M&M light blues.
It really hits the heart and soul of an Aboriginal person being yourself.
Do you think the board have considered sacking you at any stage of the year?
I think there might have been a few on the board who have.
I thought well if I get caught well surely they've got to understand that I had a legitimate reason for this so that when it eventually did come about that if I told the truth everything would be alright and as it's turned out everything is alright.
I'm still alive and I'm going to miss a big chunk of next year but I've learnt my lesson and drugs in sport are not the answer.
Justin can I ask you what went through your mind when you walked in after the game and there were the drug testers and they said right number 16 over you come, here's your bottle, fill it up.
Well two things, it was after training and I'm number 15.
15 rather.
If they had have said 16 I would have been right.
You're not taking the piss out of me are you?
That was going out of you.
Do you think the umpires are absolutely the wrong people to give Brownlow votes and you were quoted as saying they're unqualified.
The reason why they are umpires is because they didn't have the ability or the courage or desire to become a footballer.
Oh it's amazing the respect you get isn't it.
How are you Doug?
How are you Jago?
Take it from you mate.
Any second thoughts about maybe retiring at the end of last year, do you want to come back and play?
Second thoughts.
Was it your decision to retire?
Second thoughts.
Did you make that decision or was it?
Thoughts, thoughts.
Second thoughts.
That's a rear guard actually.
Most people know what I'm trying to say Sam.
I would dispute that.
I'd say most people have no bloody idea what you're trying to say.
I don't know what he's saying because I played.
Do you think you could have played another year of league football like that?
Second.
Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen.
He has been fighting a debilitating disease called Minnie's disease but of course we remember him and know him well as the Tiger.
Let's hear it for Brent Croswell.
And Ron Barresi was a coach.
He used to play chess with him over the phone.
That would have been an interesting...
It was one of the most boring experiences of my life.
What would happen if you knew the future?
If every morning you could peek into tomorrow.
The newspaper that tells the future.
And by twist of fate know every winner.
Every loser who will live and who will die.
He might never wake up and I could have stopped that.
Just by reading the paper.
What am I supposed to do with him?
You're supposed to do whatever you can.
Open your mind to the possibilities in a brand new series.
What am I supposed to run around a little red cape and save the world?
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The Instagram final of almost three legends, Trevor Mumlade with the top ten skills.
Yes indeed Ed, let's go to the vision straight away here.
Let's go to Doveton Eagles for the Mount Waverley Catholics.
And full bounces by Alan Campbell here.
Has three bounces, has four.
Great shipment from Scotland.
He's got a great goal.
The Eagles are home.
Alan Campbell tops it off to Captain Cokes with a marvellous goal.
Everyone on the field is in there to celebrate that one.
I think he's got a future as a commentator.
We're looking for a big grab here from the North Wengeratta Holt player.
And very nice indeed.
And Duncan Fitzsorke too I think the boy there.
Next we go to Myrtleford v Albury and we're looking for a soccer goal off the outside of the left foot here.
Oh nice starts, beautiful.
Bradley McPherson with the goal off the ground there.
Good effort Brad.
MHSOB vs Masnod and we're looking for Stewie McMullen with the grab.
Well done there Stewie.
That's what you call a hanger there Ed.
Magnificent mark that one Tre.
Alright.
Baldwin v Q here and we see the young player.
He kicks the ball, marks his own kick.
Then plays on, swings onto the right boot.
And all clear, thank you very much.
Lovely play.
He's gone half time.
He's unbelievable, this kid does everything.
He coaches the side and he digs the rest of him to the ground.
Alright, you're OV Shep United here and a big grab.
Matthew Mills the player there.
And there's Matthew Sennier in his own mark.
Well done there mate.
Greensboro vs Moorithy.
And we're looking for the one hander.
One hander there by Glenn Smithers.
And very nicely plucked out there, I think we'll play that one.
He kicks the ball long.
And a big mark we're looking for here.
And one to go on with there as well.
The biker gets up and hates it and just gives him one to go on with.
That's what you need.
Bit of mongrel out there.
Now we, marks his own, there we go, kicks the ball.
Marks his own kick and then puts it onto the chest of the player.
And I see a wish we'd have left that tape run because he actually went past with a handball and the footboard didn't give it to him.
Look at that, beats his own kick in flight.
And then lovely pass to the player on his own.
The truth, our winner.
Our winner for the skills part for the golf club Stingrays vs Chargers is the marked there by Trent Coates.
And very well done Trent.
And congratulations Trent for sending it in.
Our winner of the skills for 1997 is Darren Summers.
Not Darryl but Darren Summers.
Darren, come on in, congratulations mate.
You get all the hey hey jokes do you?
Certainly do.
Did you wear the camera man or did you knock off the tape?
Nah, I was the camera man.
What are you going to do, are you going to share the prize for the bike you took the mark?
I'll see how good he is to me.
You can have a one eye or two eye.
What's a fantastic prize from our good friends of sporting?
It's the top flight graphite clubs worth over $2,500.
Congratulations Darren.
Thanks very much.
Absolutely fantastic.
Alright Darren, take your clubs and get off the stage.
Let's hear it for Darren Summers everybody.
Darren, Darren, he's off for a round.
Our skills award winner for 1997.
Trent, let's go to our major prize now with the big Ford ute on display.
And ready to go for our almost footy legends winners for 1997.
Top 10.
Actually the top 16 this is Ed, we've just put them all in.
The top 16 funniest legends as sent in by the viewers.
Let's go and have a look now.
First up we've got the elephant kicking the soccer ball.
And lines it up, goes back and sticks the big foot into it.
Very nice kick indeed.
A lot of people thought it was Mick Nolan actually.
Absolutely.
And a bit of footy action there from Thailand.
Next we go to our South Melbourne Districts versus North Kew.
And we're looking for the stuffed kick out straight to the full forward
and back over his head for a goal.
And South Melbourne Districts went on to win that grand final incidentally.
He'll be very happy with that.
Wanderers v Warritas and the man on the mark we're looking at here.
And just to put off the player, you'll see him reach for the shorts
and pulls out the wedding tackle.
There it is.
And shows him the agates.
And it seemed to work quite nicely.
Get him right on.
So much for chewy on your boot there Ed.
Alright, the big specky at the wedding got the garter tied to the football there.
And not a bad loop in the full suit and the wedding clobber there.
Alright here now we see the player, the Richmond player here
get the ball and go the wrong way.
He's supposed to be kicking to the left of screen.
He's been shepherded well by his team mate.
Barzle runs behind him.
You're clear, you're clear, you're clear.
Have a shot son, have a shot.
And he puts it through for a point.
And then realises what he's done.
Very well indeed.
He's really got...
Well we saw it there.
The player going for the lovely bounce there straight into the hands of the opponent.
Now watching the kid go arse over here.
Bang, there he goes.
Now yeah, here it goes.
Ball comes over and...
There he is very nice.
Okay watch this.
Handball straight to his opponent who runs into the open goal.
That is a sensational bit of play here.
Let's just have a look at the replay.
Handball to his opponent.
There he goes.
And into the open goal.
Now we're looking for a bit of a collision here Ed.
Three blokes go for the ball.
And no one finishes up with it.
Oh unbelievable.
And completely poleaxed three blokes.
Now we're looking for a hard but fair bump in netball.
Oh through.
But kick the elbow down.
Nothing illegal in that I think.
Alright now we're looking at the traditional rivals here.
Swedish Helsingborg versus Danish Farham.
Bit of an instance there.
One of the girlfriends comes out, the reman straight.
With the man on the mark.
And...
Caught that.
And they love their footy down there in Scandinavia.
Oh they love it.
Now coming to number five here.
Goal umpire we're looking for.
A literary performance by the goal umpire.
Signals a point.
There he is.
It's mine, it's mine, it's mine.
Play goes on.
Back over his head.
And signals all clear a goal.
I should have hit him in the headlight a couple of weeks ago.
Against Jamal.
I think he got relegated from that game to the AFL umpiring panel.
Alright we're looking for a diving mark here from Sam.
Age four.
Here he goes.
He's got the ball on the ball.
And nice little grab by the tacker there.
And very happy with himself too.
That's the way to do it.
Beautiful stuff.
Now we've got the full back kicking out here.
Kicks directly to the full forward.
Who then misses.
Oh the shocking kick straight to Kerry lines up for his first goal and misses.
That could go on all day.
Straight to him.
Back he goes.
Easy as you like.
And thank you very much.
Now we're looking for a bloke here.
Tackles around the head.
And the umpire comes in holding the ball.
There's another Adelaide reject.
Pay no mind.
We'll have another look at it.
There he is.
Holds back to the head.
Umpire runs in.
It's on his blind side.
Directly to the front of the umpire.
And pays home with the ball against you pal.
But our winner.
Here it is.
And look at this for a rover.
This bloke is a real terrier.
And pace.
See the ball kick down field.
Looking for the rover there.
There he is.
And through shot.
But he backs up here.
Good second effort coming up.
Good second effort.
There he goes again.
Oh he's got the ball on his drink.
That's a sensational performance.
And where's the umpire?
No that's fair enough.
No he burrows back in.
Oh he's everywhere.
Fantastic stuff.
Oh I just wanted to play with the game.
Where was he?
Absolutely.
And we have our winners on hand.
We certainly do.
But before we have our winners on hand.
Let's bring on the magnificent prize.
Let's see it now.
Driven on to centre stage here.
The magnificent Ford XR6U.
Valued at over $50,000 with Milly in the empty.
That's a great prize.
Look how beautiful.
To present the prize tonight I'd like to draw on David Denich.
Who's the brand manager of Ford Light Trucks.
Good evening.
David how are you mate?
Good mate thank you.
Magnificent car that thing is.
Oh it's a fantastic vehicle.
Everyone who drives it just loves to drive it.
It's a lot of fun.
Of course.
Even better to stick your friends in the back isn't it?
Absolutely.
Good evening David.
And our winner tonight from North Altona.
Who was able to donate that magnificent video with the dog running mad.
Is Scott Ritelli.
Get on here Scott.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Come on Scott.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Scott is it your dog?
No.
No it's not your dog.
No I was actually umpiring the game myself and my brother were umpiring the game.
And the dog just decided to run on the ground and gave us a zerk.
Who had the video going?
My dad actually bought the video because we were umpiring the game.
It was our first game umpiring together.
And it was just at home I had the flu.
And I decided to clean the video cabinet out and I found the video.
So how much did your dad pay for the video?
I've got no idea.
It's about 12 years old actually.
What do you reckon about 10 bucks or something?
Yeah probably.
10 buck videos turned into a $30,000 car.
Fantastic.
Absolutely fantastic.
What about that?
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Drive safe with the magnificent Ford.
You happy with that?
Absolutely.
Good on you mate.
Congratulations.
That's fantastic.
Almost footy legends a fantastic season all throughout the year.
Trev well done.
Yes very well done and well done to everyone that sent in their legends throughout the
year and we'll be looking forward to them again in 1998.
You better believe it.
Now before we move on to our next break we've got a sensational prize to be given to us
really tonight.
And I'd now like to call on Wendy Perkins who's the public affairs manager for Ford Australia
come forward.
G'day Wendy how are you?
I'm fine thank you Eddie.
I think you must have invited me along to raise the tone of the show.
Yes certainly you've done that right away Wendy.
Now what have you got in your hand?
What have we got?
I have here a cheque for $40,000 made out to the Trevor Barker Foundation.
And we give it to you without half health risk but a thanks large and love interest for
the family.
Thank you very much Wendy.
Thank you and I'd now like to see you fold it up and put it in your wallet for safety.
Yes thanks very much to Ford and also to Channel 9 who are donating the proceeds tonight and
Richard Cameron from Australian Sports Media as well donating all the proceeds at tonight's
live show here at the tennis centre to the Trevor Barker Foundation.
Good to see Melinda Croker here tonight, Trev's fiance and also members of the family.
Good to see Melinda here and also to Jack Barker and Trev's mother also at home tonight.
And how significant to Trevor Barker, of course the great memory of St Kilda in the Grand
Final this week and Sandringham winning the VFL Final on the weekend.
This goes to the Trevor Barker Foundation which is going to hopefully build some holiday
resorts or holiday homes at least for kids and families with cancer to go and have a
bit of a break.
So thanks very much Wendy to everyone at Ford we really appreciate it.
$40,000 by the end of the night will make Sydney.
We'll take a break, be back with more Footy Show right after this.
We'll go to Red Lake.
You can now buy a six cylinder Longreach ute for the same price as a four cylinder Hilux
and from $21,560 Longreach has double the horsepower and a bigger payload area only
at your Ford truck stop.
We'll see it in May about a good year.
Bathurst's a long race though.
Could be different.
Don't miss the V8s when they tackle the mountain at Bathurst for the Primus 1000 Classic.
October 16 to 19.
Phone Ticket Egg today.
Here you either play music, listen to music or move to Utah.
Billy got kicked out of music school.
That's kind of why we hired him.
Sometimes daylight seems out of place here but it does let you get some sleep.
There's no better place to be exactly who you are.
Drop by sometime.
Jack lives here.
Okay we'll see you then.
We're flat out.
It's not hard to figure out why.
We've got a special on.
It's pretty good too.
A full service for $99.
We change the oil, oil filter and spark plugs.
We tune your engine, check your brakes and fluids.
That and much more all for $99.
It's a bad piece of mind too.
Ford trained technicians using Ford approved parts.
And the fact that nobody knows you Ford like we do.
Vertigo blinds, Venetians, Hollands, Fabric and Metal Ordinance, Security doors and grills.
Tear up all other quotes at Wagga Blinds and Ordinance.
Our 7 day sailors on now.
Massive discounts for 7 days only.
Wagga Blinds and Ordinance, your fashion line manufacturer.
Have I obviously broken in here?
No it's always been broken.
Call direct dial now.
131 929 and you'll really save.
Yeah, Murphy's Cry are pretty good but...
Sorry boys.
It's experience this time around.
Don't miss the V8 when they tackle the Mounted Ed Battles for the Primus 1000 Classic.
October 16 to 19.
Phone Ticket Act today.
Welcome back to the Footy Show.
Let's welcome our new panel members now from the Geelong Football Club.
Please welcome Billy Brownless.
The man with tears in his eyes in the commentary box on Saturday as he watched his beloved Bulldogs toss it in in the last couple of moments.
Let's hear it for 350 game veteran Dougie Hawkins.
And while Dougie had a tear in his eye, the man next to him was laughing at him.
Let's hear it for the kid himself, Dan McFaraday.
Well Dan, at the moment on stage you're the only person here who's actually played in a Premiership.
You've played in five of them.
What is it like on a Thursday night ready to go into battle for a Grand Final?
Fantastic. On a Thursday night, if you could get a crowd like that every night of the year at training, you would be the best trainer on the track in the league by far.
You've been to Brownlow every year. It's just wonderful training in front of a crowd that size.
There's no harder efforts either when you've got a crowd that big at training.
Now what about when you run out to play?
What was going through your mind in those days? Was it just single mindedness that this is the big day, you're on centre stage, let's do it?
Very little does actually go through your mind.
I still struggle to remember anything that I was actually thinking with, thinking along the lines of at that time of the day.
You can't remember it, but it is the best feeling in your life to actually, just about, to run a couple of laps and you feel like you're running on air.
The noise of the ground hits you from all parts and actually lifts you off the ground. It's wonderful.
Billy, just before we talk about the Grand Final a bit more, today Gary Ablett retired from football. What's your reaction down in Geelong?
Well, truly a sad day, not only for Geelong supporters, but I'm sure supporters out there because probably one of the greatest players ever to play pull on the boots at Geelong.
I've just got a couple of stats on the great man here. 248 games, Sam.
Base stats.
Yeah, sorry. 1,030 goals, leading goal kicker at Geelong nine times, Coleman medalist three times.
In 1984 in his first year he won the best first year player, runner up four times in the best and fairest at Geelong.
1989 Norm Smith medalist and who would ever forget that highlights. There he is.
Good on you Gary, good to have him here too. And not only that, but Gary Ablett, what a fantastic player.
And also during the week, well yesterday, in rather unsavoury circumstances too with Greg Williams getting the please don't come Monday letter from Carlton.
Then it was retracted. It's been a bit messy down at Carlton.
We believe they're going to find Anthony Kudafetti's $2,000 because he was on the footy show last week without a brand sponsor on his jumper, even though we had it on the week before on Barb.
And of course the Steve Silvani dramas continue. What do you think about Diesel Williams there, Doug?
Well I think Eddie, Diesel in my opinion, I thought he could have played one more year.
I think it's very, very sad to see a champion go at that way and retire, particularly after being rubbed out for those nine weeks.
And to finish that way, he's very, very sad. I mean two Brown and Low medals. In my opinion a great player.
And I'd love to see him play one more season if come, particularly if Justin Manby is on the side now.
The only trouble is Doug, he retired yesterday.
Yeah, well good luck to you Greg.
And I believe they're attaining Gary down at Geelong Bill for some sort of public relations duties. What did you think they'd have in mind for him down there?
An ambassador actually Sam.
An ambassador? What did they think he'd be ambassadoring with?
I'm sure if they're trying to recruit a young recruit to the club, they'll just send Gazza out and he'd come back with a signature on it, you'd think wouldn't he?
You'd think he would.
Yep, I suppose he would.
Let's move back to the grand final now and of course Adelaide are in it for the very first time.
It's a fantastic effort, finishing in fourth position on the ladder this year.
They've had the home finals of course but then they came across and knocked off the Western Bulldogs.
And earlier tonight, because obviously the boys have got to get to bed reasonably early tonight, they're flying over at nine o'clock in the morning,
Sam and I caught up with the captain and vice captain of the Adelaide Crows, Mark Bickley,
an amount who's played every, who he played in the very first Adelaide Crows game and is now in a grand final in Nigel Smart.
Let's hear it for the boys.
Jeez boys, it must have been a big week this week building up to the grand final.
Yes it has been, it's been a fair bit of excitement over here obviously and it was pretty euphoric after the game and we worked out we were going to be in there
and then it started to sink in during the week and now we've prepared pretty well and hopefully just waiting for the big one to come around.
Well could I ask either of you, Nigel is this the biggest thing that's ever happened in South Australia's history?
Yeah I would think talking to the people out in the street, they're certainly very excited that we're playing a game like this.
It gives the state something to look forward to, like they haven't had much to look forward to in the past.
And certainly people are very excited about it so it is.
And would there be any danger that any of the Port Power fans are behind you?
Actually I reckon they're all supporting us.
I think it's taken on very much a South Australian versus Victoria feel about it
and I think most of the South Australian people, even though they do follow Port, perhaps have a soft spot for the Crows being a South Australian team.
Well boys, both of you last week were the springboard for the Adelaide side to get up and knock over the Western Bulldogs.
First of all to Bix, you really lifted in the second half of the third quarter and then continued in the last quarter
and of course Nigel drifted down to half forward and really got things going down there as well.
Yeah, well I had a fair bit of improvement to do ahead. I didn't have a big first half.
So it was just a matter of the whole team lifting I think.
We just started to get our hands on the ball and started to win the one-on-one contest.
And once we did that and we had a few focal points like Nigel and Darren Jarman up forward to finish off for us, it made the job a lot easier.
Well Nigel, you took some great marks in that last quarter.
Would one of them have been as good as Lee Colbert's the week before?
No, that wasn't a mark at all. But Lee Colbert did probably take one of the best marks I've seen for quite a while
and it was unlucky the young players didn't actually see it.
Boys, can I ask you if Sam's been a motivational factor for any of the players?
I think he's more motivational for all the supporters over here rather than the players.
We tend to take Sam with a pinch of salt and...
I'm glad you said salt.
No, you know, it's all a bit of fun obviously.
I've spoken to Sam a few times when I've been on the show and he's a closet crow supporter I think.
Yeah, it could be a closet, a lot of things.
And we noticed a pitiful Pittman's in of course and Sean Wren jettisoned the mattress he had strapped to his leg in the last quarter.
That's a sign of the times.
Yeah, I think he got a bit sick and tired of wearing it and was a bit frustrated with the Scotty wind
and took it off and then started to run around pretty freely.
I don't know whether he'll play with it this week but we'll just have to wait and see.
Boys, you fly out tomorrow to Melbourne about 9 o'clock, then you've got the grand final parade
and of course then all the festivities are out of the way.
You'll have one last training session.
You must be just dying to get out there on the MCG on grand final day.
Yeah, I think that's the big thing.
You do have a pretty big week and the parade over there obviously will be a lot of fun
and we'll look forward to that but once that's finished then just get about your business.
Our routine is we train at the Junction Oval on Friday night so we'll be doing that.
Then we'll sit down and have a meeting like we always do and then work out how we're going to beat St Hilda
and then the big day will hopefully take care of itself.
And I think Bobby Hammond won the toss for which side gets onto the ground first.
I think it's you boys, the Crows.
Would this be a preference?
Obviously it would be because he won the toss and he decided to put you on first
just to get it climatised to 100,000.
We need to get on the ground first.
It was a strategic decision to try and win that toss and run onto the MCG
and get the crowd behind us early so we certainly get a good start.
And Nigel, will you be having the head buffed just as a special treat for the crowd?
Actually I might get up extra early and give her a close shave and shine it up
so I stand out on the ground, mate.
I think we should say, sorry just before we go,
I think we should say we're very sorry to hear about Tony Modra in all seriousness.
Yes, it's shocking that and of course the boys obviously going out to play for Mods.
Before we go, Mark, you've got a big couple of weeks going up as well,
the grand final and a new huge business venture over there.
It's easy to kick things along if you can get a grand final up.
Yeah, that's right.
I've got the franchise for the AFL store in Adelaide.
It's at the Westfield Shopping Town in Marion.
So it'll be good to have a win and win the flag
and know that it'll be very good for business in the first couple of weeks.
One final one to you, Bix as well.
Grand final captain, the first one would just be fantastic for you.
How are you going to beat St Kilda?
I think with Brendan Pippen there, two pretty handy big men.
I think if we can get those guys on top and we can make the most of that
and get it out of the middle, I think that's a big start.
Our defence has been good all year,
so they're probably up against the best forward line in the business.
So it's going to be a real shootout.
If they can beat the best defence on the best attack,
it's a pretty good game to go watch.
So hopefully our defence will win and we'll get our hands on the ball first in the centre.
And Ed, it's a pity they couldn't have got some red tulips to put in
amongst the yellow and blue flowers.
That would have been the flowers and the colours of Adelaide Crow to make you absolutely vomit.
There you go, Bix.
You'll have to go and just pick up there on your flower dressing behind you there.
Knock on the house. How's that?
Sorry, mate. Well, Bix, good luck, mate,
and thanks for all your help on the footy show during the year.
And to Nigel Smart, congratulations, mate, on being one of the original Crows
getting through to the first grand final.
It could be a very historical day for you.
Let's hear it for Mark Bickley and Nigel Smart from the Adelaide Crows.
APPLAUSE
OK, boys, let's have a look at some of the major match-ups now.
And the first one we want to have a look at is Brent Cook from, of course, originally from Fitzroy.
And let's have a look at the stats. 24 years of age.
Over again, Sean Wren, 26, 195 centimetres to 203, 32 to 91, 7 goals to 36 and final 6-1,
with Sean Wren not only getting a start in the major stats there,
but also as an absolute star player.
And he really threw up the mattress, as Sam said last week and got going.
Yeah, look, this is a very important match-up.
This match-up will obviously take place.
I don't think he can put Pittman into the equation.
He'll have to play down back, I'd imagine.
Keating will be the relief ruckman for Wren, but Cook's a good scrapper.
Hawk, you played with him at Fitzroy.
Yeah, Dermot, he's a big, strong lad. He's got a very big heart.
He may lack that ability compared to maybe Wren and Pittman.
But the big concern, if he does struggle, the fact is that Lowe may go into the ruck,
which will leave the Sanof Ford vacant.
So there's a big worry there.
He's got to get the ball going, sorry, he's just got to get the ball going
with a big hit-out going over the Sanof Ford line going Adelaide's way,
just basically clearing the other six players in there.
Sam, you played 300 games as a ruckman, Sanof Ford,
a bit like what Stuart Lowe has to do.
How important is it in the big time, in the big finals,
for the big fellas to really fire up?
Well, it is of absolute paramount importance, Ed,
and people say that ruckman don't play much of a part in this game these days
because the two things that haven't improved in the game are the umpires and ruck work.
But I'll tell you what, if you see what McKernan did
and Wren did against the sides in the finals by thumping that ball, as Dermot says,
30 or 40 metres, the demoralising effect that goes through the side
on the receiving end of that, because they've got to play catch-up football,
they have to second-guess what the opposition are doing all the day.
And if Cook competes, that's all Stan Ellis would want him to do,
just compete with McKernan and nullify him to an extent,
compete with Wren and nullify him to an extent would be what
Ells would be hoping Cook and Sirikowsky could do,
because they won't actually take him to the cleaners in any stretch of imagination
by playing in the ruck.
OK, let's have a look at one of the other match-ups.
Who's going to get Robert Harvey? That's the big question.
Who can stop the star?
We've gone for Andrew McLeod, and as you can see,
they're pretty well matched up in the height department,
but games 178 to 59, goals 107 to 47, finals are only 5-3.
But you have a look at the Swinburne University stats,
the big stats that everyone uses,
and Robert Harvey gets 13 hardball gets on an average,
15 receives, so he gets the hardball, then he runs off and also gets the receives
and averages 13 effective kicks and 10 effective handballs
for 23 effective possessions every week.
He's amazing, isn't he? He is amazing.
And look, you can't equate it straight out to if he receives X amount,
that team will win, but if they can limit him down to 20,
that is a good result for Adelaide.
I don't reckon anybody, though, can run four quarters with him, Billy.
Yeah, they'll have to gangbang him, damn it,
and they'll look at Costa, they'll look at Bickley,
and I'm sure they'll look at McLeod.
So one bloke just can't do it,
because he does run and run and run all day.
Dougie?
Yeah, what Billy was trying to say,
they're going to rotate a few players off of course Harvey,
and they're going to get Costa.
They're going to gangbang him.
Costa's probably...
Gangbang him.
Costa's probably Connell and of course McLeod,
but it'll be a great match-up.
We're looking forward to a few of the other big ones too.
What do you think is going to be the match-up?
We've got Nathan Burke probably and Mark Bickley,
Stuart Lowe and Peter Cavan, and Jason Daniels and Darren Jarman.
Is there one particular area of the game that St Kilda have to be on top of to win,
and vice versa, for Adelaide?
Yeah, look, it's the young crows that got them into the game
out of the centre in the last quarter last week.
They won't match up to the standard of St Kilda's on boards,
but the interesting one is Jarman. Who will go with Jarman?
They gave Cripps the job last week on Roberts just to run with him,
and he's not a super dangerous player, so obviously Cripps needs a job to play well.
He's the kind of bloke you send out there and say,
do this for the team and he'll do it properly.
I've got a feeling they might run with him, if not maybe Jason Daniels for Darren Jarman.
Last time they played was round 15 at Football Park on that occasion.
On that occasion the Adelaide crows got up by 10 points,
but these two teams are completely different now.
There are seven changes to the Adelaide side and five from the St Kilda side who played that day.
Bill, who's going to win the grand final of 97?
Well, I just think St Kilda are going to win very easily.
Ed, I think Adelaide have played their grand final last week.
They've played three very hard games to play in the grand final.
St Kilda are just on fire and they will win easy.
They win the Saints, go marching in, they will just win the grand final.
Go the Saints!
They've totally won me over, the crows. I think they've been fantastic.
So much so that I reckon they can be within striking distance at the 15 minute mark of the third quarter.
From then I predict a nine goal St Kilda win.
Molly Meldrum very happy down there. Good to see Molly fainted last time St Kilda won.
So let's hope Molly can stay up on his feet.
Interesting that speaking to Kevin Sheedy today, he thought that the Adelaide crows with their big man strength would win and win easily.
Sam, who do you think will win?
Well, I see it a little differently from you, Dermot.
I reckon if the crows in all seriousness get away to a good start in the first quarter,
and they have Jarman and Smarton Wren performing and they kick accurately,
I reckon they could only get beaten by about 50 or 60 points.
I just want to say this Ed, this is not a letter, but this is pretty good insight.
This is from a young lad called Trent McIntyre, whose father sent this in on the 6th of May.
Yep, this is a footy book, right? He did a footy book and that's it there.
And on the back, this is what he did, on the back, now can you see that?
He had one and two, crows and St Kilda playing in the Grand Final.
That was in 6th of May.
Pretty about free-metal Richmond and Carlton though, isn't it?
Well, that's not bad, is it?
That is fantastic, yeah, fantastic Sam.
Revening.
I thought that was pretty good and the league have brought these out Ed.
These are, they'll be handed out to the 70,000 of these to be handed out.
These are in the club colours in case it rains and it's meant to.
Okay, good on you Sam. All right, with that in mind.
What else you got?
You shouldn't have done the joke about the chins before.
I'm not going to help you any more tonight, okay?
We'll take a break. When we come back, we'll have the best of Street Talk and this week's Street Talk
and our Grand Final edition of the Footy Show, Player Review.
That's all still to come right here on the Footy Show live from Melbourne Park for 12,000 people.
Yes!
It's Macaulay Galvin to the rescue.
He did it, he's in!
Made that kid for the first time on television.
Let's kick some butt, shall we?
The action-packed through-holiday adventure.
Round one to you Sam.
Richie Rich, 8.30 Sunday on Wim.
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The woof woof for Western Bulldogs has been so successful
that a lot of other clubs are following suit.
Oh yeah, what are they doing?
From now on, after a goal, the Geelong supporters will be yelling meow, meow, meow.
The North Melbourne supporters will be yelling...
The Dockers supporters will be downing tools and going for a smoke-o.
And the Adelaide Crow supporters have been discouraged.
And let's great night at the panel tonight as we talk about football brains on the panel.
We've got Bickleys, Buckleys and none.
This is Josh Woodham.
And this is Nicholas Stonemans.
I'm very glad Brett Heddy wasn't a new arrival.
The other relationship's over, I heard you.
I heard you were a bit crushed.
Pretty sure video, there it is.
Let's have a look at the caption above Sam's head.
Stilwell Ford, we put people in front of cars.
And Sam, his legs held together by a couple of screws, which is in direct contrast to his life.
I was talking to Russell Gilbert recently, Dougie, and he said that he actually saw your last game
that you played for Fitzroy, and he said in the last quarter you actually put your hand down
and it was the only touch you got all day.
To miss his talent you would have to be blind.
Christopher Langford, you're one of a kind.
I just wanted to say to any concerned viewers at home, there will be no poem about Tammy Van Wisse.
I know you're not supposed to laugh at your own jokes, but I've never heard that one before.
Silver Marmalade in fantastic form, as usual behind the bar.
Trey?
Yeah, well how long did that high-lunge package go for?
A minute forty, that was good years work, wasn't it?
Fantastic years work, I can tell you that.
Well one of the most controversial incidents we had on the footy show this year was when Sam decided to
pick up the phone and let the fingers do the walking, and he rang up a young girl called Joanne McDonald in Adelaide.
Well, of course, given the fact that the Crows are into the Grand Final and they knocked out Sam's Geelong,
it's only fair that we go across there, and only fair that we have Sam's, well our second Sam,
Andrew Stanton in the starting blocks there tonight too. Are you there, Andrew?
Yes I am, how are you?
Very well, thank you, mate.
We're just kicking things off over here at Joanne's place, just gearing up for the final this Saturday against the Saints,
and I've got a bit of an old loser sitting next to me, we won't tell you who it is just yet.
He's reading a Crows mag, just catching up on the latest goss, working out what's going to be going on this weekend.
Who are you?
Hello, Sam, good to see you, welcome to Adelaide, you've come to pay me the 10,000 bucks you owe me, old chap.
God love us, you stupid old prick.
Listen KG, what's that shirt you're wearing?
Do you like that, Sammy? That's what you call egg on the puss.
It all came about because of this, Sammy, hold this.
What's this?
Week one, West Coast will bury Adelaide, wrong. Week two, Adelaide have no chance against Geelong, wrong.
Week three, the Western Bulldogs will well up Adelaide, wrong. Win or lose, we made it. Sam, you idiot.
You stupid idiot yourself, KG, I don't need that rubbish.
I want to say to you that Adelaide have a problem playing in Melbourne, especially in the grand final, they've got no one except Jarman who's played a grand final.
What hope have they got, you idiot?
We've got the big pussy, Sammy.
I don't want to talk to you, you can go and get lost. Let's keep moving right along.
Now Sam, I know that I've been doing a lot of stuff concerned with Adelaide last week and this week as well.
You might think I absolutely hate them.
But as a matter of fact I don't and if we can just get this off here we'll show you my true identity, who I actually support. Have a look at that.
Andrew.
Yes sir.
He's starting to annoy me. Now Andrew, is the atmosphere, is the town a buzz, a gog over there as we speak?
It is a gog, Sam, everyone's just keyed up for a big finals game there, just trying to shoehorn them in as you would put it into the grand final.
And of course I'm not the star of the show here tonight, Sam, young Joanne is, I'm sure you'd be keen to say a few words to her, so we'll go over and have a chat to her.
Joanne, how are you going?
Good.
And have you got anything you'd like to say to Sam? What would you like to say to him with the Adelaide in the grand final this Saturday?
Sam, you are an idiot, you can't tip for peanuts. I mean honestly you're just a bad tipper and no matter how much you try the Crows are going to win no matter what you say.
No, my tips haven't been good Joanne, I'll be honest. And I won't go on with that.
Now Joanne what's going on? It's supposed to be a party, come on break out into Dad's grog covenant, spin the bottle, come on let's go. Which boat do you want to pass off?
Well Trev, Trev she may as well go on with me because, well she's about the right age, she probably isn't young enough. Joanne, Trev.
My advice to you Andrew is impersonate, don't emulate.
Yes I like to, don't I? I'll get myself in a lot of hot water Trev if I did that. I'm perfectly happy with a healthy mind, healthy body if you know what I mean.
Now Joanne you've got all your very close friends there, are you going to gather for the grand final there or are you actually coming over again?
No, I can't get over there so I'm just going to sit in front of the TV with my friends and watch the Crows win.
And your dear old Dad too will he be stumped up there with you?
Yep.
Yeah he will. And what's Ken doing? Is Ken and the other, are you coming over Ken?
I'll be over there Sammy, I can't wait, cannot wait for Saturday's big game Sammy.
Alright let's hear it for Joanne there, Andrew Stutton and also Ken Cunningham over there in Adelaide, it's going to be a big week of football.
We'll take a break when we come back, it's the Players Review 1997 style on the Footy Show, live at Melbourne Park with 12,000 screaming fans.
No more of the games, it's one of the games.
It's a new murder mystery every week.
I told you not to come here again.
You've been a naughty boy down.
This one looks like suicide.
He had caps.
Suicide night.
The worst of all poisons.
I didn't even mention you use cyanide.
In this scenario.
Give it, give it.
Everyone has something to gain from the man with the trains.
Life insurance, half a million dollars.
My father wouldn't kill himself.
The cop, you're meant to figure it out aren't you?
Murder Corp, 8.30 Monday on Wynn.
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Everybody down the body.
Is it because super slices are made with creamier milk from happy cows?
Where do you go?
I wanna know.
My lovely.
I wanna know.
Where do you go?
Oh.
Where do you, where do you go?
Waving, waving your coats
I'm back in drag, the race is on
I'm back for you, baby
You gotta stop this f***ing deep inside
You gotta love me, it's the truth
And I saved you
Come back and save me
Thank you, Miami and home!
Move back, baby, down to my jail
I'm out of control
Move back, baby, down to my jail
I'm out of control
Move back, baby, down to my jail
I'm coming out of my jail
Waving, waving
I can't tell you
Oh, now you can't tell me
Can't you tell me
Oh yeah, you say you can't but you don't know
Can't you tell me
Oh, now you can't but you don't know
Can't you tell me
It's easy, it's easy, won't know
You say you just don't know
You don't know, you don't know, no
You, you, you, yeah
And hold on
To the new life
That I've never had
Never had
And hold on
We are the last
Last and only
One of the best
And we drift
In black
Woo!
We love it!
And hold on
We are the last
Last and only
One of the best
And we drift
In black
Woo!
Good God's blessing, why remember that?
Jesse gets me every face to face and make contact
He tried to help but me
Then my beat is what you think you saw
You did not see
So don't think big, what was dead is now gone
Like a secret that my great man was on
Walk in shadow, move to silence
God against extra, dress me in violence
The joke ain't on, no government lists
We straight, don't exist, no names and no use for pranks
Saw something strange punch your back
Did you ever wait until when the F.I.B.'s was at?
Uh, eh
And then it went
In the glass
And I see you
In the glass
So
And when you're feeling the night
You know
Uh, eh
The red and black
Let me see you just bounce it with me
You just bounce it with me, you just bounce it with me, come on.
Let me see you just slide with me, you just slide with me, you just slide with me.
Come on, let me see you take a walk with me, you just walk it with me, take a walk with me, come on.
Make your neck work.
Now freeze.
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Geez we're all ugly.
In all new episodes.
Don't stick your tongue in my ears.
You've got a seat in the front row.
As Angelo and Zoe tie the knot.
Weddings, 8 o'clock Tuesday on Wynn.
Welcome back to Melbourne Park and what a sensational play as a viewer.
Let's go through the line up once again and let's introduce the Spice Girls.
From right to left we have Damien Moncurst, Ben Graham, Brendan Gale, Peter Spider Everett and Roland Rocachelli.
What about these smooth dudes from No Mercy from Hawthorne.
Let's have a look at them.
We have Jason Dunstall, Shane Crawford, Daniel Halford and Tony Watts.
And what about our baby tiger cubs over here.
The Hansons, Nick Dabby, Chris Bond and Matthew Richardson.
Alright ladies and gentlemen they're saving the world.
Let's hear it for our men in black.
First of all we've got Lance Whittenall, Adam White, Daniel Chick, Duncan Kelleway, Matthew Hogg, Mark Graham, Matthew Francis, Michael Mansfield, Justin Madden, Mark Richardson, Darren Hume, James Hurd, Mark Porter, Stephen Phoebe, Lee Newton, Sean Smith, Richard Osborne, Lee Walker, Stephen Patterson, Mel Michael, Josh Money and Stephen Tinge.
With so much football and theatrical talent on display let's get a dose of the real world and look back on Sam's Street Talk 97.
What other words did you learn at school this year besides crap?
More.
Who?
More words.
Yeah what more words did you learn?
I can't say them.
Go on tell them we'll go, we'll go beep, go on, give us your best one.
F***.
Would you like to sniff me?
I have your stamen.
No, no thank you.
I hear other people play with your stamen.
Are you sure you haven't stolen a tea cosy there?
I might have.
Did you?
I sure did.
Shouldn't there be a hole for the spout to come out of?
What your spout?
I'm coming on the footy show.
You're coming on the footy show?
Oh yeah.
You'll have to get some...
You're coming on the footy show I reckon there'll be about 200 others with you.
What do you think about Mr Busy at the Tribunal?
Could you have a message for him or could you say something Mr Busy?
Yes I'm busy in the here.
You're busy here?
Yes I'm busy in the here.
You're busy here?
Are you a Brisbane... you're not 13 are you?
You're a Brisbane Bears fan?
I'm five.
You're a Brisbane Lions fan are you?
You know the Brisbane Lions?
No I just come from...
I just got off my mobile...
Where is she?
I'm an S&M man mate.
And what's your name mate?
Lizard mate.
Why would they call you lizard fool?
I'll show you.
Oh man.
You must make a pretty girl happy with that wouldn't you?
I love it mate.
Just one more with that camera.
Look at it roll out.
Feeding him all the way.
It's a monster.
It is a monster of a tongue.
How are you going?
Just say hello to the man.
I don't know...
I'm f***ing different.
Get him away.
What do you like about the footy show sir?
Just about everything mate.
The weather?
The weather.
That's what I cook me chicken the weather.
I meant to say the temperature.
The weather.
Put this hat on here and do YMCA.
I hope you look like someone right?
You ready?
YMCA.
How's everything going?
I work around, look around.
I visit some city.
I'm here.
Hi.
How are you?
You're a lovely looking woman.
Thank you very much and so are you.
Bye bye.
So I'm a lovely looking woman.
Oh that's fair enough.
Say polka dot.
Polka dot.
No polka dot.
Polka dot.
Sunlight across the pub.
Polka dot.
You'll sneak up on one of the real poor Adelaide men.
How you going there mate?
You're into self abuse are you?
You're into self abuse.
Lately I've been giving it a fearful pounding.
Now this is the real hub of what might go on outside the courts.
Madam you must watch.
I'm not a madam sorry.
I said I'm not a madam thanks.
Madam?
No I'm not.
I'm a fella like you.
You're a fella like you.
Don't want me to prove it to you do you?
Sam I'll bear my bum on this track if he wins this race.
I don't think we've got a wide enough lens mate.
In a girl good in a boy disturbing.
I'm going to go and get a kiss.
Oh Sammy.
I love Sammy.
Harvey I am resigning.
Alright now I'm going into therapy.
And there it was.
A walk down Sam's memory lane.
Trev?
Sam's memory lane.
I wouldn't go down there on a dark night.
We'll take a break and we'll be back with the last segment tonight on the grand final edition of The Footy Show.
Lights, models, guest list.
Just do your best darling.
I thought we'd never start at one stage this year.
Tears running down my legs about June.
Just a group of guys getting together following a basic game plan and it's pretty much making up as we go along.
I think Justin you've got the cross your heart jocks on.
Was that actually your butt or did you have an ass double for that?
It was Justin's post.
He didn't pull his pants up now maybe don't mind.
You are a fabulous wonderful individual.
Absolutely special.
And he just went bang wake up Ron this is exciting.
Sammy's a good man.
I think I'm his old Sammy but it's okay.
As long as you're standing erect and breathing you're a chance.
The riding couple on the floor said, Val, you said good God woman what are you doing?
Arch your back and get Norm's anus off those cold tiles.
You know what I like about their humour?
It's really clever.
It's really sort of almost intellectual.
What would happen if you knew the future if every morning you could peek into tomorrow?
A newspaper that tells the future?
And by a twist of fate know every winner.
Every loser who will live and who will die.
He might never wake up and I could have stopped that.
Just by reading the paper.
What am I supposed to do with him?
You're supposed to do whatever you can.
Open your mind to the possibilities in a brand new series.
What am I supposed to run around a little red cape and save the world?
Delivering Saturday at 8.30 to win early edition.
Stepping out with my pure jazz moods.
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Seven and a half kilo washes.
Want to know who makes one of the quietest?
Easy.
Hoover.
So which one has a four star energy rating?
And a triple A water rating?
Hoover.
And which one is made right here in Australia?
It gets to Hoover.
If that's all true.
Then why do some people still buy imported washes?
Seems like Hoover is the intelligent choice.
For all Australians.
Your AMP can look back and say, we built Australia's first skyscraper.
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All these decisions have been made by Australia's AMP.
And they're working for you.
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From the producers of the footy show cartoon comes the editor's cut of the latest drama to hit the football scene.
See a young Eddie Sky channel develop his media skills under the guidance of that old Jedi.
Use the stats, Eddie. Use the stats.
Gee, that's a hard ball to get if I've ever seen one.
He'll never get his own show this way.
Meet Sam Solo and his alien friend Chew Duggee.
Chew Duggee, take over the controls.
I'll check the engine.
You idiot.
Laugh at the antics of those lovable androids, C3B Brownless and R2 Dunstel.
Hurry up, crime done.
Watch as they defy unimaginable odds.
We're surrounded by monstrous aliens.
See Eddie Sky channel go head to head with Draft Vader.
You call that a weapon?
Piece of ass.
They will kill you.
The action never stops until the final showdown.
And watch out, buddy Joe, it's yibbida yibbida time.
Only one word to describe today, it's special.
Thank your mother for the rabbit.
The footy wars. You'll never know what hit you.
Well we're just about done for season 1997 unless there's a draw and then, I don't know, I don't want to think about it.
Anyway, before we go, a few people we have to thank, particularly the people who work on the footy show, Harvey Silver, Ralphie Horowitz, Drew Whitehead, Coscutter, and Des Dowling, Jane, Amanda and Joe in the office.
Yeah, David Duggee, our editor, Gary Younham, our director, Andrew Pfeiffer mentioned, Stephen Clarke and George Underwood, our cameraman, Roland Rocachelli has been sensational all year, Richard Cameron, Ian Johnson, more importantly, all of Sam's doctors and legal advice.
Congratulations to them. Of course, our fantastic public, Jeremy Cooley does a great job during us doing all the warm-ups before the show.
To all the crew who are the best crew in the entire television world, there's no doubt about that, they win every leg in their caper, the nine crew, the champion data in Swinburne University for the stats, Peter Sullivan for the band, and most importantly of all to our sponsors, Crown, the magnificent Crown, and Ford, who of course weigh in all the time with all our prizes to Crown and Ford.
Thank you very much for everything, boys.
Good luck and good health to the field umpires on Saturday. Hayden, Kennedy and Mark Nash are having their second grand final and Brian Sheen umpiring in his sixth grand final.
The bandry umpires are Alan Cook, Daniel Gooch and Andrew Wheeler. The goal umpires are Rod Davies and Mark Powell. Let's hear it for the men in white. Come on.
Just before we go, for our friends in Adelaide and Perth, they might want to join the footy show Unplugged later this year. In Perth, it's the Burzwood Theatre on those dates, Sunday the 30th November, Monday the 1st December, and at Adelaide at the Barton Theatre on Thursday, Feb. 4th December and Friday the 5th of December.
Make sure you get stuck in on the tickets are selling very quickly there. We'll see you later this year. Boys, before we go, Trevor, your tip for the 1997 grand final.
I think St Kilda, I'll go for 11 points.
Spider Everett, why is your team going to win?
Oh no, they'll win quite easy and I just hope everyone out there gets a little bit of red, white and black and really pump them home this weekend. They'll have a magnificent day.
Billy Brownless.
Yeah, actually, I don't think this is going to be a close one. I'm starting to swing towards the Crows. I think they might go all right.
Doug Hawkins.
I'm a bit with Billy, I think it's going to be a tight game and I think the Crows can win too, but I'm with you, yeah.
I'm actually swinging as well, Ed. I think, who's playing?
St Kilda.
St Kilda by about 45 points this time.
What's happened in the last half hour that's made the Crows firm up as favourites? Let's go to James Heard for a bit of sense.
Well, not these two idiots. Of course the Crows can't win. St Kilda with their midfield and forward line will romp it in, Ed.
Come on, James.
Yeah, as I said before, St Kilda by 27 points and Hawthorn reserves.
Jason, I hope this isn't your last words on Channel 9, mate.
No, the best of good things, St Kilda, 8 or 10 goals, Ed.
Melbourne captain Gary Lyon.
Yes, I think St Kilda quite comfortably. Eddie and Robert Harvey will cap off a magnificent year with the Norm Smith medal.
Let's hear it for our panellists in 1997.
And finally, we asked him before, but for the last word on the 1997, Dremesher, by the way, Sam, think that St Kilda are pretty good things, but by around 18 points it's going to be a tight one.
Your last word on the 97 season.
Well, I wouldn't even bother giving it another few minutes.
Like, best part of that, like, still running down his arm and his leg.
It's been a big year, Ed, and I had a similar experience to Jason. I think it can be epitomized by this.
Jason got home, found his missus in bed with a midget. He said, I thought I asked you to stop cheating on me.
She said, at least I'm tapering off. And that's the way that's the way I'm treating the rest of the year.
I see mouse from mouse productions will be over there as well later in the year.
And it's been a very big year. And I want to thank you and everyone else. And it's been great to be on board.
Good idea, Sammy. Let's hear it for Sam Newman.
Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you've enjoyed the footy show 1997 Live from Melbourne Park here.
To finish off tonight we have got a music exclusive. Molly Meldrum is going to fall off his chair.
We're breaking music stories tonight. Good luck to Molly, by the way, his beloved saints.
Good luck to the Crows as well in the 1997 Grand Final.
Let's hope it's decided by skill and courage and great play and not by umpiring or injuries.
But our music exclusive tonight is that our band, the Hunters and Collectors, are going to break up.
They are disbanding. This is the very start of their farewell tour to finish off the 1997 season on the footy show.
Let's hear it for Max Seymour and the Hunters and Collectors.
I spy your phone, see the teatiles fly. A blind flash, I see you so loud.
Make me whisper in your mouth, so I let it ring out. Behind me now, and I still remember. Do you see what I see?
Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see?
We go north to the ocean, we drove so far. The last days light and shine, and the bad sun.
I'm missing someone in the city that I know. I was around for long, I had somewhere else to go. Do you see what I see?
Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? I see the stainless glass around. I see this down below.
My heart is too empty now. But I'm still waving, waving as I go.
You were gone for a little while, it was a fine, fine life. Between first and second thoughts, we left them far behind.
Now we've barely come to, now the long drive has begun. North to the ocean, higher, higher than the sun.
Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? I see the stainless glass around. I see this down below.
My heart is too empty now. But I'm still waving, waving as I go.
Do you remember? Do you remember? Do you remember? Do you remember?
Do you remember?
Thank you!
This has been another presentation of 9-12 World Sports.
Where are we headed, man?
Where are we headed?
It's the Late Show with David Letterman!
Tonight, from U-Turn, actress Jennifer Lopez,
executive chef from Windows on the World,
Michael O'Monaco,
and comedian Phil Ingvall.
-♪
Plus, Paul Shafer and the CBS Orchestra.
And now, country music entertainer of the year,
Dave Hedlund Herman!
-♪
Whoa!
How do you do?
Hi. Nice to have you here.
My name's Dave Letterman,
and as we say back in Stockholm,
dasvidanya.
Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
How the hell is everybody tonight?
I...
Whoo!
Earlier tonight, right here on CBS,
the big CMA Country Music Awards,
and I'm just wondering, I didn't get a chance to see it,
I'm just wondering, anybody wearing a cowboy hat?
Ha ha ha!
Um...
Speaking of music, you know about this,
the Rolling Stones, God bless them, the Rolling Stones,
opened up their big North American tour this week in Chicago.
Now, how many folks are planning on going to see
The Rolling Stones?
Yeah.
People say that it's a great show,
and if you go, you know, try to sit down front,
so you can, you know, smell the Bengay,
because it's a put on a...
You gotta think about it,
The Rolling Stones rock and roll giants, am I right, Paul?
Rock and roll giants, and things have changed,
you know, obviously, they've changed for everybody,
but they've changed for The Rolling Stones.
Now, you go to one of those big concerts,
and somebody tosses a joint on stage,
you know, it's usually an artificial hip,
but that's...
Oh, don't bother yourself with it.
No, it's fine.
Anyway.
Ah!
Ladies and gentlemen, we're all very excited,
very proud here at CBS,
because last night was the premiere installment
of the Danny Aiella show, De La Ventura.
Ha-ha-ha!
What?
Smash hit for Danny Aiella and CBS last night,
and guest starring on De La Ventura.
Ha-ha-ha!
Mayor Rudolph Giuliani.
Yeah.
It was all, uh, it was all part of CBS's Big Combover Tuesday,
so they moved it.
They moved it.
Big Combover Tuesday.
Whoa.
If you want me, you know where I am.
De La Ventura.
I hate punks.
Thank you.
Now...
I know.
New York City is my town, and it's full of punks,
and they're my punks.
All right, settle down, Danny.
The mayor was good. He played Danny's Aunt Rosa.
Ha-ha-ha!
De La Ventura is actually,
it sounds like it would be a cop show, a detective show,
but it's a mystery show, what it is.
And the mystery is, how does Danny Aiella have time
to autograph 8x10 glossies
for every pizza joint in the country?
That's the mystery.
De La Ventura, what is it?
Hey!
But tonight, you know, we're right in the middle
of all previous seasons, and tonight,
another big premiere television episode taking place
over there on ABC, it was the beginning episode of Ellen.
Ellen, the Ellen DeGeneres Show, and I don't know,
are you like me?
Do you think maybe they're gonna have trouble,
the Ellen people, living up to last year's season?
You know, tonight on the first show,
Ellen calls her friends together and announces
that she's ambidextrous.
It's a little flat, and it's a little flat.
Something.
If you want me, you know where I am.
You know who I am.
Who, who are you?
I'm De La Ventura.
Is that like his first name, De La?
It must be, yeah. De La Ventura.
It's De La Ventura?
Odd, ain't it? Strange.
Yeah, so, Ellen, but tonight's show is pretty good.
Here's what they did tonight.
She meets her old boyfriend,
and they have like a big kissing scene.
And then she goes on like her first lesbian blind date.
You know, just like any other weekend at my mom's house.
I don't even know what that means exactly.
I can't figure that one out.
Former O.J. Simpson girlfriend Paula Barbieri
has written a book.
You folks still interested in O.J.?
It was a big book, yeah.
It's always the balcony, you know.
Those are the people I'm gonna have to fight later, so.
Yeah, Paula Barbieri,
yeah, Paula...
Alright.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And a little piece of me.
De La Ventura.
New York City, full of punks. They're my punks.
They gotta get out of town.
I'll drive them out of town. I'm driving the punks out of town.
Who are you? Huh?
I'm De La Ventura.
Cheers!
So, anyway, Paula Barbieri
has written this book about her life with O.J.
And she's been very candid.
She says that she worked with a ghostwriter on the book,
you know, to help with the spelling.
And that was just...
That ain't even a joke. How about that?
That was just for the book signings.
There you go.
Number one.
Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
Good!
Ghost Writers in the Sky?
Ghost Writers in the Sky.
Man, you're good.
You're damn good, buddy.
In the book, Paula Barbieri says that O.J. Simpson
was not that great in bed.
Too quick! Too quick!
Common male problem, too quick is what she said.
Yeah.
said he was just a little too fast in the sack.
And I'm saying, well, hell, of course.
I mean, my God, the guy can make it from Bundy
to Rockingham in six minutes.
You know he's fast.
I was talking about this.
That's Peppy, ain't it?
Yeah. Nice to see you.
It's Wednesday. We got a big show for you tonight.
Oh, a lovely, lovely woman and a fine actress
in a brand-new motion picture with Sean Penn
called U-Turn.
Her name is Jennifer Lopez.
Be joining us.
From the Windows in the World restaurant
down there at the World Trade Tower,
chef Michael Lomonaco will be joining us cooking.
Something here. Everybody gets a little...
Something.
Very funny comedian Bill Ingvall.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, do me a favor.
Say hello to my good friend Paul Schaeffer.
I'm Bill.
New York City.
New York City is full of punks.
I hate punks.
You know where to find me.
I'm De La Ventura.
I'm going to be there in 60 minutes of that.
And it was a big hit.
Big, big hit for CBS, the De La Ventura show.
Oh, yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's...
I can't really think of a good reason to do this.
I need a good reason to do this.
Why are we going to do this?
There's something about President Clinton.
I have...
Well, no.
Well, we gave up on that years ago.
I have here some photographs taken of President Bill Clinton.
And now, because he's starting...
He's just back from vacation,
and he's just beginning of the middle of his second term.
We thought it would be a good time to take a look
at some of these photos.
See, I don't have a reason.
Sure.
You know?
Sure.
All right.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for our presidential photo file.
Here we go.
We had a little meeting this afternoon,
and the boys came to me and they said,
now, Dave, do you need an introduction
for the presidential photo file?
I said, no, no.
No, I'm De La Ventura.
What the hell do I need?
I'll make something up.
It'll be great.
All right, let's take a look at some of these presidential photos.
In September of 1977, America falls in love with Clinton
and he's a coach on TV's The White Shadow.
Yeah, you know, we can play What About That Guy?
I'd forgotten about this.
We can play a little of that.
All right.
But What About That Guy?
What About That Guy?
It's time to get a manicure, ain't it?
Look at that, Paul.
What is...
What is that?
Maybe a cuticle job and some clear polish.
Man.
Maybe a paper cut.
Yeah, it might be.
Presidential photo file, ladies and gentlemen.
In April 1991, Clinton meets Jacob Evans,
the man who founded Hooters.
God bless you.
Excellent job.
Thank you.
Hillary and I eat there all the time.
Thank you very much.
January 1993, before his first State of the Union address,
President Clinton spends a moment with the White House employee
in charge of wiping gravy off his chin.
Wiping gravy off my chin.
Gala Ventura, we hate punks.
August 1993, Clinton is disgusted
when he's handed the wrong club by his caddy Al Gore.
Gala Ventura right there, ain't it?
Gala Ventura right there.
Sure.
Look at that.
Hates punks.
Yeah, hates punks.
In March, I like punks.
I like punks.
Punks don't bother me.
Because, you know, if I say I hate punks,
you get a lot of nasty letters from punks.
I don't.
I just want to...
I don't either.
No, I don't either.
So, I'm trying now just to kiss up to punks here.
I like punks.
In March 1994, President Clinton takes a moment
to approve for his most recent letter to Penthouse.
I hope these get better.
In a September 1994 press conference with Bill Gates,
the president announces his personal website,
www.bubba.com.
Let's play What About That Guy again.
What About That Guy?
Bill Gates, this guy right here,
Bill Gates is worth $50 billion.
Look at those glasses.
Lens crafters.
$50 billion.
Look at that.
Just about an hour, lens crafters.
Yeah.
Ready in an hour.
And now that we're working on him a little bit,
what about that haircut?
Is that a $50 billion haircut?
I don't think so.
And I really have to get a manicure.
February 1995, President Clinton delights a colleague
with a description of the giant gopher
he caught and devoured in the Rose Garden.
Hi.
Ms. Deleventura, we're here now.
July 1996, Mark Zahn, historic first president Clinton
actually passes a plate of food to somebody else.
Here, why don't you take that.
Yeah, former queen of the cowgirls,
Dale Evans right there.
Yes, he is.
Grabbing a quick nap.
Wow, tumbleweed coming through.
May 1997, President Clinton and Vice President Al Gore
kick off National Chafing Week.
In July 1997, President Clinton proudly announces a truce
in one of the world's most bitter conflicts.
I think we had one of those blackouts, Paul.
I think the power went dead in the middle of this joke.
Yeah, people didn't get to see it
on their receivers or something.
Are we on again?
Are we back up and running?
All right.
That's good.
That happens.
It's like a brownout, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Okay.
At a fundraiser in September 1997,
an overtired and confused Bill Clinton
accidentally hits on his own wife.
There you go.
There you go, that's our presidential photo file.
We'll be right back with tonight's Top Ten List
and Jennifer Lopez.
We'll be right back.
After all these years, they'd kill me.
Mario Buizos, the last dog, sued to win.
Steppin' out with my baby
Pure Jazz Moods.
17 essential jazz classics.
From Linda Ronstadt.
James Morrison.
Louis Armstrong.
Miles Davis.
Grace Knight.
Renée Gare.
Billie Holiday.
Peggy Lee.
Nina Simone.
And more.
Pure Jazz Moods.
Catch the vibe.
New McCain Pizza Perfection.
Hot and fresh from your very own oven.
For a frozen pizza to be this perfect.
It must be a miracle.
McCain Pizza Perfection.
Ah, McCain.
It's a miracle again.
The Eager Cheese tastes better by a country mile.
I certainly find out when I'm painting,
but I trust God because the moment I get into the works
and think I'm painting a masterpiece,
I finish up with a flop.
It's the same thing in life, you know.
I believe that a lot of people trust God.
But God doesn't let them down, you know.
He's the God that's on my door.
Jennifer Lopez on the program, Chef Michael Lomonaco.
Turn on that picture again.
We'll show you where Chef Michael Lomonaco works
downtown. And one of those, you know which one it is, Paul?
The one on the left or the one on the right?
That's probably one. Is it one or two?
We'll find out. And Bill Ingvall will be on the show.
Very funny young man. And by the way, during the commercial,
I don't want you to think that we goof off during the commercials.
We're working pretty hard.
Always.
Came up with a little something for you here.
Watch this. I hope it works.
We just haven't tried this out yet.
I just hope it works.
I'm Dilla Ventura.
That was nice.
Was it nice?
Yeah.
I kind of hurt myself.
I know.
Last night on the program we introduced you to a lovely woman.
Really a very nice person.
One of the best parts of the day here at the Ed Sullivan Theater.
And we've known her for years and years.
She's our makeup artist. Is that what you call her?
Yes.
And we know all of the makeup.
And Paul, that doesn't really require as much makeup as do I.
But without the makeup, and I'll be honest with you,
I'm getting older, as we all are.
And without the makeup, I'm like ugly as homemade shoes.
So she does a wonderful job and she's a lovely person.
And she's about to have her very first baby.
Come on. Michelle O'Callaghan, ladies and gentlemen.
There she is right over there.
You look great. How are you?
I'm fine.
Michelle was ready to have baby and began the maternity leave.
Went home for about a week and a half and decided,
well, nothing's going on. I'm coming back to work.
So now when was the due date?
Four days ago.
Four days ago. All right.
And what do you feel like? Anything?
I feel miserable today.
You feel miserable?
So do you think it could happen any minute?
Yeah.
Okay. All right.
Well, if you don't mind, let's just take a couple of seconds here
to see if anything does happen, all right?
Anything going on there?
A little kicks, but...
All right. We'll try it again tomorrow night.
Okay.
All right. Good luck.
Okay.
I want to tell you something.
You know, and this is an area I don't know much about,
but that's a good-looking pregnant woman, isn't it?
I'll say. Yeah.
Man, was she. That's how she's going.
Look at that.
Ladies and gentlemen, here in my right hand is the old top ten list.
Let's try that.
I'm told we can't do De La Ventura anymore.
Why?
I don't know. Something's busted, so now I'm just practicing.
I'm De La Ventura.
But we can't do it anymore, but that's all right.
This is just for me.
The category tonight from the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska,
Top Ten Things Overheard at the Country Music Awards.
They were held earlier right here on CBS.
Vince Gill hosted the 31st Annual Country Music Awards tonight
from guess where, Paul?
Nashville?
Wild guess.
You are a damn genius, buddy.
Wild guess.
That's right.
Yeah, the Grand Ole Opry.
That's right.
I'm Vince Gill.
You ever watch those fishing shows on Saturday morning?
I've seen them.
Where they hook one of those trout like in the Vince Gill.
Oh, you got him in the Vince Gill.
Yeah, in the Vince Gill.
That's a good place.
I'm annoying myself.
Let's just keep going.
Top Ten Things Overheard at the Country Music Awards.
Here we go, number ten.
Your wife stole your dog and pickup truck.
Hey, me too.
Number nine.
Number nine, you can let go of your wallet, Garth.
You're not in Central Park anymore.
Number eight.
That was some damn fine yodeling, Mr. Letterman.
Thank you very much.
I'm De La Ventura.
Number seven, George Strait.
That's not what I hear.
Oh.
That ain't right.
All right.
This stuff ain't right, you know what I mean?
Number six.
Whew, Willie Nelson's washing his hair in the punch bowl.
Number five.
They have a lot of punch.
They put out the punch bowl for these things, don't they?
Sure they do, yeah.
Punch, punch, punch.
It's all here.
It's the full spread.
The full spread.
It's the full spread, yeah.
Awesome.
Who was that?
De La Ventura.
Oh, of course.
What do you mean it was that?
How silly.
What did you get here?
Well, it was a different take on De La Ventura.
Yeah, I'm slowing down.
Number five, and the Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Kenny Rogers Beard.
Number four, look out, cow in the mosh pit.
Number three, call security.
Jerry Lee Lewis just proposed to LeAnn Rimes.
Number two.
That's not Brooks and Dunn.
That's Dolly Parton and...
The number one thing overheard at the Country Music Awards, I've gotta take a grand old
leap.
Hey, howdy.
We'll be right back with the lovely, talented Jennifer Lopez.
Let's get it.
Sunday night of the movies.
You're gonna be a filthy rich arnels.
Sorry.
He's got everything money can buy.
You have your own McDonald's.
And friends, so...
My name is Claudia.
Yikes.
He's richy rich.
Now, he's gonna teach the bad guys that crime doesn't pay.
Yes!
It's Macaulay Goldwyn to the rescue.
He did it, he's in!
Made the kid for the first time on television.
Let's kick some butt, shall we?
The action-packed through-holiday adventure.
Round one to you, sir.
Richy Rich.
8.30 Sunday on Wim.
Presenting Celine Dion, 1997 Grammy Award winner.
The world's most popular female recording artist.
Now, her latest release, the French love album, recorded in her native French.
The world's most popular artist.
The world's most romantic language.
The French love album.
Magic from Celine Dion.
Out now.
I'm a lucky dog dog.
Lucky dog dog.
I'm a lucky dog dog.
You can keep your dog happy and healthy throughout his life with Lucky Dog.
Because new Lucky Dog is a complete range of specially formulated and nutritionally
balanced dog food for puppies, adult dogs and those dogs over six.
Lucky Dog.
Food for life.
When I met Gianni, I discovered something deliciously exquisite.
Pasta with four cheese sauce.
And now with Continental, I can do it my way.
This is one of our new favorites.
Watch.
First, Continental's amazing new four cheese pasta and sauce.
All that's cooking, this.
In 10 minutes, voila.
That's not Italian.
Mmm.
But this is.
And Gianni.
It's a fantastical.
You and Continental.
Just brilliant.
You want to capture exciting new colors?
Then next time, use the world's best films for color.
Introducing new Kodak Gold with Kodak's painted color technology towards true color today.
If you want this kind of color, put this film in your camera.
I'm Dillivit Pearl.
Not easy.
I've hurt myself twice now doing that.
I've got that disc thing going on.
Like C7 or something like that.
Uh.
Huh?
Our first guest has starred in such motion pictures as Anaconda and Selena.
Her new film is entitled U-Turn and it opens October 3rd.
Ladies and gentlemen, please, a nice welcome for the lovely and talented Jennifer Lopez.
You look wonderful.
Thank you.
You look lovely.
You can tell I'm a newcomer because it's freezing and everybody always says it's freezing,
but.
It ain't freezing.
Don't you think?
It's freezing.
It ain't freezing tonight.
I came in my halter anyway.
You look good.
You look darn good.
Are you really chilly?
I'm all right.
Get her a blanket or a sweater or something like that.
No, no, no.
Get her something like a down parka.
No, I got the dress.
You're going to make me cover it up.
No.
Yeah, I know.
I don't want to have nuts.
How you doing?
I'm good.
Listen, this movie, U-Turn, it's a pretty good cast, isn't it?
Yeah.
Let's run this down.
It's you, of course.
Yes.
It's Sean Penn.
Yes.
Nick Nolte.
Nick Nolte and Bob Thorne.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Now, this is nuts, isn't it?
Yeah.
Tell the folks about the film.
What's the story?
Well, it's about this wander.
Well, it's a film noir, and it's directed by Oliver Stone.
Film noir.
Now, what does that mean exactly, film noir?
I don't really know, but it's a kind of movie.
And basically, like, it has certain ingredients like the femme fatale, like the bad husband.
Femme fatale, right.
Femme fatale's the woman.
Right.
The bad husband.
There's always a bad husband who, like, wants to get the wife killed.
In this one, it's Nick Nolte in this.
Yeah, Nick Nolte's my husband.
And then there's the wanderer who's like, you know, the guy who comes to sit.
The drifter.
The drifter gambler.
The troubled loner, the drifter.
Exactly.
What happens is Sean Penn plays the drifter, loner, wanderer.
And his car breaks down in this very, very small town in Arizona called Superior.
You do not want to get stuck there.
Right.
And then he runs into me, which is even worse for him.
All hell breaks loose.
But you know, there's a great moment in the film between Sean Penn and Billy Bob Thornton.
And which one is that?
This is when he's working on his car and he does something to the car and he charges him
and it doesn't tell him about the work he's done to the car.
Well, I can't.
Oliver's really funny about us giving away the whole...
Oliver Stone.
Here's a guy who's nuts, too.
No, you know, he's not a nut job.
They're all misunderstood, these guys I've worked with.
Well, I don't have time for that.
No, no, no.
You know, I've worked with a lot of people.
Like, I've worked with Jack Nicholson and I've worked with Bob Rafelson, who's a big director,
and just a lot of people, Robert Blake, who are like, have kind of certain, you know,
things said about them.
But I always find that it's better if you just go in with an open mind.
Yeah.
Yeah, hi, out there.
They're doing another show backstage, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, man, it's this Radio Shack equipment.
That's what it is.
I'll tell you something, this wouldn't happen to De La Ventura.
You know what I'm saying?
Look at this guy.
Have another cocktail, Dave, would you?
Have another margarita.
I'm telling you, that face has got happy hour written all over it, doesn't it?
How you doing, honey?
There's more beer nuts here.
Let's tell the folks about you.
Where did you come from?
About how did you get started in big time acting and stuff like that?
No, I'm from the Bronx.
I'm from New York originally, yes.
And I just got into acting by way of becoming a fly girl, really, on In Living Color.
Now tell the folks what the fly girl is, did, what she was, what do you...
A fly girl was one of the dancers on In Living Color.
But once you're a fly girl, you're pretty much a fly girl the rest of your life, aren't you?
I know, people never let it die.
But that means they liked it.
Oh yeah, no, I think people like fly girls.
How did you get that job?
Keenan, they had a big audition here in New York and I wound up getting it and flew out to LA.
And it was great, except all the girls hated me.
Now why?
Because I was from New York.
Really?
Yeah, and they were all from LA and I was like the outsider, you know, girl.
Were there fights? Was there friction?
Well, you know what? It was funny because my first week out there, you know, I'm trying to fit in, you know, I'm friendly, I'm nice, you know, I'm trying to fit in with the girls.
You're the friendly fly girl.
Yeah, absolutely. I'm the friendly Bronx fly girl.
And what happened was, I went out there and it was the first week and one of the girls comes up to me and she's like, you know,
you know that photo shoot we were supposed to do?
They postponed it because they're waiting for you to lose a little weight.
Why? Why did she say that to the poor child?
I said, excuse me? You know, I said, so I got on the phone with Kenan.
Yeah.
And I said, Kenan, I was very New York back then.
I mean, I see interviews of myself like now I have an accent, but back then it was like Kenan, what's up with this girl?
I'm going to kick her ass.
Really? There you go.
I was like, I was very, very young.
How old were you then?
I was young. I was like 19.
Are there people in your family in show business or are you the first?
No, I'm the first.
And how did you decide that you wanted to be in show business?
Oh, you know, it's funny, you're not going to believe me.
And you guys are going to think I'm really corny, but I don't care, I'll tell it anyway.
It was funny because I was going to school to like be a lawyer, you know, which is a good thing.
And what happened was I'm in bed and I have this dream one night.
And I swear to you the dream was that I was supposed to be in show business and I was supposed to be doing certain something.
I don't know who's going to lead me or something.
Anyway, I get up all excited and I go downstairs to my mom and dad who, and I'm in college, and I said, mom, dad,
I had this dream and I'm going to drop out of college and I'm going to go into show business full time because I had been always interested.
And of course, my mom was like, are you a nut job? What is wrong with you?
My dad was more the spiritual, really will follow your heart, you know, do what you have to do.
But my mom was like, right. Yeah.