Don't!
The Simpsons is brought to you by Rebots.
I am not cleaning that.
Who am I kidding?
Maggie, when you grow up you can suck your pacifier all you want.
Extra mustard for Bart, sliced diagonal and not lengthwise.
Light mayo for Lisa, cut off the crust.
Beveled bologna for a home.
Mom, can you see my lucky red cap?
Mom, where's my lucky red cap?
Mom, I hate those mental things.
You make me gag.
Mom, I just put my pad to guess.
Could I have my pacifier?
I just put my pad to guess.
Could I have two sandwiches today?
Make the bologna sandwiches too.
Could I have two slices of bologna?
One at a time.
One at a time.
Double bologna, double bologna.
Don't forget to make it double bologna because you can hardly take the bologna.
Enough!
There you go Lisa, no pimentos.
Bart, your hat's where you left it, behind the toilet.
Homer, I'll sew your pants but I'm out of bologna.
Thanks mom.
Thanks mom.
Don't!
The video is due to return.
Grocery list.
We did a lot of work.
Homer's dry cleaning.
I think that's everything.
Bart, can you take my ball to Nick's today?
A bottle cap got lodged in a finger hole.
I'm running late as it is.
Can't you just use one of the balls at the alley?
Oh, alley balls.
Oh right, don't whine.
Just put it in my left hand.
Kid, you're not going to get it.
You're going to get it.
You're going to get it.
You're going to get it.
You're going to get it.
You're going to get it.
Kids, hurry up or you're going to miss your bus.
No way.
Never happened.
We'll all be damned.
Mom, Bart's making faces at me.
It's a nervous twitch and I'm a little sensitive about it if you don't mind.
Mom, he's doing it again.
Credit, credit, credit, credit, mom!
Get out!
Fruit weather?
Three fresh invitation orange drinks.
Crusty brand duck sausage pizza.
Sorry lady, you've got the wrong Knicks.
One Knicks on the other side of town.
Hey, I don't know what Nicky's telling you.
I haven't flushed the bowl in years.
Oh, this miserable stress headache.
Feels like there's a rat in my brain.
It's time for another Bill and Marty classic crank call.
Hello, is this Mr. Justin Sherman?
Yes.
Sir, your wife is dead.
Oh, God, no.
That's right.
I just walked through a plate glass window.
There's blood everywhere.
I just talked to her.
Oh.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Bart's making fangs, my lucky red cap.
Really, boy?
Your wife is dead and flushed the bowl in years.
Ah!
No!
No!
Look, lady, this better be good.
This is Arnie Pie with Arnie in the Sky.
We've got big problems on the Springfield Memorial Bridge,
people.
Traffic going way back in both directions.
And look out at the corner of 14th and Elm,
because I just dropped my bagel.
She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
Want me to flash your lights?
Yes.
Well, I'm fresh out of ideas.
All right.
It's a chance to catch some rays.
All right, it's a chance to catch some rays.
Come on, come on.
I got a body in the trunk.
Mr. Cheney, stop fiddling with the buttons.
Oh, now you've gotten chocolate all over everything.
This is Kent Brockman reporting live from Arnie Pie's
traffic copter.
But I can assure you, this is no mere morning traffic report.
Hi.
Face the facts, Arnie.
An overworked and underappreciated housewife
has snapped and parked her car on the bridge,
refusing to budge.
This reporter is now going to be lowered down in the Channel 6
Sky Harness for an exclusive interview.
Huh?
Ow.
Hey.
Ow.
What?
Hey, sweetheart.
What's the matter?
Not getting enough of the good stuff at home?
No.
Oh.
Dan can throw a discus.
Let me through! Let me through! I'm her husband!
Oh, that explains a lot.
Try to talk her out of there.
But don't put your lips on it or anything.
Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? Hello?
Homer, is that you?
What should I say?
Well, how about, yes, it's me?
Yes, it's me.
I'm telling your lover.
I love you very much.
Aww.
And later tonight, I think you and I should snuggle.
Why don't you just wrap it up?
Look, Marge, I can tell something's bothering you,
but if you come out of that car,
I promise to do whatever it takes to make it better.
Please, honey.
Okay.
Cover, boys!
Off the record, ma'am,
all the gals on the force knew just how you felt.
That's nice.
You think you can lose to my cuffs?
No.
Oh, don't you worry, Mr. Mayor.
This little bird will be cracking rocks by the end of the week.
Wigam, you glorified night watchman, let her go.
But he broke the law.
Thanks for the civics lesson.
Now listen to me.
If Marge Simpson goes to jail, I can kiss the chick boat goodbye.
And if I go down, you're all gonna break my fall.
Word of the wise, Quimby, don't write checks your butt can't turn.
Hear me loud and clear, Wigam.
You bite me, I'll bite back.
You start the talk, Quimby, but do you walk the walk?
I hereby declare today to be Marge Simpson Day
in the city of Springfield.
They're like trained seals, tossing a fish
and watching them slap their fins together.
Well, all is well that ends well.
Good night, Marge.
Many years ago, the Spanish explorers discovered
their little piece of heaven nasaled in the Springfield Mountains.
They called it Rancho Relaxo, and so do we.
Today, it's Springfield's only two-star health spa.
Swim, play tennis, or just sit and stare at the world.
At Rancho Relaxo, you're the boss.
Remember, you can't spell relaxo without relax.
Homer.
Homer!
I need a vacation.
What? But, Marge, we just had a vacation.
Remember Mystic Caverns?
I need to unwind.
I know you do, Marge, but come on.
You know what our vacations are like,
those three monsters in the back seat.
Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Well, let's face it, I'm no day at the beach either.
Marge, can I have another sandwich?
Marge, can I have another sandwich?
No, I mean a vacation by myself.
What? You mean we're getting a divorce?
Marge, I can change.
No, homie, no, I still love you.
A lot of couples take separate vacations.
Well, okay.
But you have to swear you're coming back.
I swear.
All right.
Thanks again for taking the children while I'm away.
Don't worry yourself.
We've got six months of maternity leave we're never going to use anyway.
Homer, can you bring Maggie out?
Wish I'd thought of that.
She's starting to give.
Homer, Maggie really doesn't want to leave the house.
Maybe she should just stay with you.
Are you sure that's wise?
I'll probably trade her for a beer and a nudie magazine.
For your information, I can take care of my...
See? Got her in the first bound.
All aboard for Shelbyville, Badwater,
Kennelskull, Hesley Grounds and Rancho Relaxo.
Goodbye, homie.
Goodbye? Where's my clean underwear?
Check the dryer.
How often should I change Maggie?
Whenever she needs it.
Marge, Marge, how do I use the pressure cooker?
Darn it!
This is Coma.
W-K-O-N-A. Restful, easy listening.
Coming up next, a superset of songs about clouds.
What?
Hmm?
Hello, Maggie.
Sorry, honey.
Mommy went crazy and went far, far away.
So it's going to be just you and me for a while.
Just you and me.
Kids, you haven't touched your tongue sandwiches.
Need something to drink?
We've got Clamato, Mr. Pibb and soy milk.
That's all right.
Should I go just hit the hay?
It's 12.30 in the afternoon.
I'm aware of the time.
Lisa, you'll sleep in my bed.
Bart, you'll be sleeping with your Aunt Panny.
In your bed?
Uh-huh. And I should warn you.
I'm told I snore.
Oh, divorce court's done in 15 minutes.
You scared me, Lisa.
You think you know fear?
Well, I see naked.
Look!
Oh, hello.
And welcome to Rancho Relaxo.
I'm Troy McClure.
You might remember me from such films as Today We Kill,
Tomorrow We Die and Gladys the Groovy Mule.
But today you'll see in my greatest role
your video tour guide to Rancho Relaxo.
Our tour starts in your very own room
where Relaxo Vision offers you the latest Hollywood hits.
And after midnight,
the finest R-rated movies Europe has to offer.
Ooh la la.
Today's selections are
Thelma and Louise,
The Happy Little Albs Meet Fuzzy Snuggle Duck
and The Erotic Awakening of F.
Chef Rodrigo, what are you up to?
A taste for yourself, Troy.
Mmm. That can't be good for me.
It tastes too good.
That's where you're wrong, Troy.
This whole pot is only 14 calories.
Oh, Gregory, where have you been all my life?
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Feeling tense?
Mm-hmm.
Then just push nine on your phone.
Then the pound sign.
Then 483.
We'll do the rest.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Come on, Mickey.
Nummy, nummy, num.
Ah?
Mmm.
Mmm.
Um.
Um.
Drink peas.
Take me to my favorite
Come order a free day
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh!
Let go!
Mmm.
Oh.
March, it's times like this.
I'm glad I flunked out of that Mexican med school.
Hi, Bernie.
Thanks for keeping me company.
No problem.
Well, how well.
If it is a little bird.
Remember Uncle Barney?
Hey, Homer, let me hold him.
All right, but just be careful.
Whoa!
Oh, boy.
Be careful.
Whoa!
Someone smells stinky.
Oh, it's me.
Barg, you really shouldn't be looking through other people's things.
Find anything good?
I said before it'll say it again.
Ay, caramba.
Hey, Lee, bang, bang.
Oh, Barg, that's a blackhead gun.
Ew!
Best MacGyver ever.
Mm-hm.
Richard Dean Anderson will be in my dreams tonight.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Oh, boy.
Ah.
Go to sleep and good night.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Doo, doo, doo.
Doo, doo, doo.
Merry Christmas, Davey, night.
Can't sleep…?
Good night, my little.
あああああああ
ベーダー
Maggie?
Maggie?
Maggie?
Maggie?
Maggie?
Maggie?
Maggie?
Oh man, you're on a bad night.
Why are you sleeping on one of these?
Marty, I've lost a baby.
It's the worst thing I've ever done.
Don't worry.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to make you an omelet.
Just help me look.
Are you sure?
I make them with two kinds of cheese.
Come on.
Whoa.
Hey, Homer.
I think I've got her.
Come on.
Marty, you're going to pull her arm off.
The sooner I get her out, the sooner we can have omelets.
So, what's the verdict?
Oh dear God.
I can't even put a bag over my head.
Yes, you could.
Hello, I'd like the Department of Missing Baby.
Please hold.
Fungi jumping, kayaking, calligraphy, cigar making, hula dancing.
I guess I've done everything.
By now you've seen what Rancho Relaxo has to offer.
Uh-huh.
But remember, we can't tell you how to have a good time.
You have to tell us.
As I said to Dolores Montenegro in Calling All Quakers, have it your way, baby.
Hello, Room Service?
This is March Simpson.
I'd like a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and some chocolate chip cheesecake and a bottle
of tequila.
Let's get out of here, Thelma.
Kay, Louise.
What do you want?
I came to see the kids.
Wait here.
Don't steal any light bulbs.
Hmm.
Dad!
Hey, kids.
You haven't seen Maggie around anyplace, have you?
Well, I gotta go.
Come on, kids.
Time to rub in Patty's feet.
Hello, Governor.
Lube job while you white?
Don't touch me.
Hello?
Hi, homie.
I feel much better.
Listen, March, uh, how would you feel if I told you the dog ran away?
Homer, that's awful.
Oh.
Well, I got good news for you.
The dog didn't run away.
Well, good.
I'm coming home, honey.
You can pick me up at the train station in an hour.
And bring the kids.
Bye.
Bye.
Please, don't jump.
I know you're going through some tough times, but you have your whole life ahead of you.
No, March.
Maggie was very young.
It's not like we got so attached to her.
No.
March, isn't life funny?
One day they're babies.
The next thing you know, they're off on their own.
Oh.
You a man who reported a lost baby?
Yes.
Can you describe her?
Uh, she's small.
She's a girl.
Bingo.
Oh, Maggie.
Not so fast.
You wanted on three counts of swimming on a glass.
You found my baby.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
Ha, ha, ha.
Sucks.
Just don't do it again, you prick lug.
Ha, ha, ha.
You're not going anywhere.
Hi.
Did you miss me?
Never leave again.
Never leave again.
I missed you too.
And from now on I hope you'll help me out a little more than you used to.
You got it, sweetheart.
You have enough naked there?
Well, I could use a little more.
And sometimes I want a little time to myself.
And I expect you to help.
Mom, I think I speak for everyone in this bed when I say you have nothing worth it.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You see, you have nothing to worry about.
Now, let's just try and get a little shut out of here.
Ready for the hockey hero in the mouth?
Absolutely.
Ball.
Out of the lips.
Golf shot.
Don't try this one at home.
I'm gonna continue to get my video and look at it a few times.
Wait a minute, I don't, uh...
Okay, get a ball.
...in the mouth, I don't think...
Don't even worry about this.
You're gonna probably hit it the same amount.
310 is what you're looking.
Hit the same smooth shot.
All right, just put the ball in my mouth.
Good.
Just balance it.
All right.
Relax.
Okay.
Fuji, I don't know if I can do this.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Piece of cake.
Just concentrate and hit the ball.
Remember, keep head down, left arm straight, just wait.
Turn and...
...punch!
Wow, that was sensational.
Oh, yes, super.
That looked great.
Well, that was real great.
Anyway, let's go to a special edition of Drexel's class.
We'll see you in about 30 minutes, and we'll set up the bike record attempt.
Well, God, I have to admit it was a pretty bitchin' week.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for inspiring me to always carry my Bible.
This was the second time in three weeks I used it to stop an assassin's bullet.
Don't worry, I'll read around the holes.
Well, I guess that's about it, big guy.
Ah, until next week, I'll remain your humble...
...teen priest.
I don't know if this is sacrilegious, but that guy has got a great butt.
Well, this is sacrilegious.
That collar really turns me on.
That guy's a total snapper head.
I heard on the MTV news that he left his babe waiting at the altar, and he just disappeared.
That guy's a priest, for God's sakes.
Hey, girls.
Daddy, are we ever going to get any heat around here?
Look, I'm willing to contribute my babysitting money if it means that the people down at the gas company will come over here and fix the furnace.
It won't be necessary, honey.
If I were you, I'd start looking for my bathing suit and some suntan lotion.
Dad, are you crazy?
It's 14 degrees in here, the furnace is broken, and the tidy-bo man's playing ice hockey in the toilet.
I get that.
Listen to me, girls.
We are going on a cruise to the Caribbean.
What?
Yes.
We're going where?
I just made the semi-shady deal with the travel agent.
If I sell ten trips, I get to take my family free.
And all I need is one more person, and we're as good as sitting on those deck chairs.
Next is some really bad-looking midwesterner.
Can I go, Mr. D.?
Of course not, this is a classy cruise.
Guys, we've got 24 hours to find some sucker with $400.
I just got two weeks back pay.
Slasher.
Ahoy, matey!
Yes!
We're going again!
Come on over, baby, a whole lotta shaking going on.
Evenin' on the shakin'...
All right, you wanna know what's shakin'?
The Elantra, a sedan so well-built and worry-free, it comes with service and maintenance free.
Yes, free.
In addition to the regular warranty, so about all you pay for is gas, which makes owning anything else seem a little bit shaky, huh?
The Elantra from Hyundai.
Yes, I'm dead.
Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What do you want with your fries?
The one-of-a-kind taste of McDonald's Big Mac, or the big, beefy quarter-pounder with cheese.
Either way, in the McDonald's Extra Value Meal, you always get an order of world-famous fries and a Coke Classic.
But you gotta pick the burger.
Dominique, the lane was yours.
How'd you get inside?
Hey, what can I say?
Dominique, what do you want with your fries?
Hey, now there's a question.
What you want is what you get.
The Extra Value Meal.
At McDonald's today.
What do you want with your fries?
Daddy, we're going to go topside.
Okay, good. Oh, wait a minute, honey. Wait a minute.
Lionel, if you're gonna be in the sun, you need some sunblock, man.
Why don't you try some SPF 1000?
Skin like yours might catch on fire and burn a hole right in the hull.
All right, once I'm off, okay?
Oh, listen, honey, honey, if you're going all the way topside, no loogies, okay?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, knock that off.
No kissing?
Sorry, Mr. D. Melissa, you heard your father.
We have to skip the foreplay.
Dad, he's kidding.
Flash, I got an idea.
We can have the captain of the ship marry you and me.
Marry you and me?
Whoa, the three of us are gonna need a pretty big bed.
Oh, my stupid idiot.
This is a big mistake here.
Yo, Mr. D., look who's on board. It's Humpty.
Humpty?
No, not the eggs of rapper.
Rapper? What?
What's up, kids?
Yo, Humpty's in the house.
Yo, what's up, huh?
You guys are my favorite rappers.
I got all the digital underground records.
Your brothers got it going on.
Yo, thanks, man. That's real death for you. Appreciate that.
Yo, check this out. I even got the nuts.
Uh-oh.
Otis! Otis, man, guess who I just saw?
Hey, I know. Humpty.
Dupty?
Not the egg, man. The...
Never mind.
No, man. The sports digestant,
slurps and mollusks.
Whoa.
Oh, gentlemen, we must bear in
and keep in mind that we represent the greater
Cedar Bluffs School District
while we're abroad.
Talk about abroad.
No, no, no, no, no. You're right, Roscoe.
We must maintain the dignity of the teacher profession.
Yeah.
You're right. Come on.
Absolutely right.
I'm going in.
Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff.
Mm.
Ha-ha! Just as I thought.
Look at the cabin he got.
Whoa! Look at the size of this place.
Come on, guys.
Roscoe!
There's the ocean!
Give me a break, man.
Come on, guys.
I know this looks like a break room,
but I've got my problems here, too.
I'm going to go get some water.
I'm going to go get some water.
I'm going to go get some water.
I know this looks like a break room,
but I've got my problems here, too.
Do this. Do this.
Smell that stench?
I think I'm right next to some livestock, man.
Oh, I smell that stench, but it's not coming from next door.
You spread it right here.
Hey, come on.
Right, Otis.
We got cabins down on the lowest deck.
Yeah, way down.
My room is so low, Jacques who stole Tag
didn't release me.
Otis Jackson, you are the most
shy artist on the face of this planet.
Come on, George, why don't you matter?
Because you're not telling me anything I don't already know.
What's the matter, guys?
Nice to know how your best friends
feel about you.
Oh, please, please!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
You would not believe who is
next door to us.
Johnny and Andreas!
Oh, my God!
Johnny and Andreas!
What is he talking about?
Who's next door?
Teen priest. He's in all the magazines.
Wait a minute. The cat who
tennisued from his wedding two days ago.
The entire world is looking for him.
And the man is right next door to us.
Oh, my God!
Shh!
Oh, no.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
It's like tabloid city to me.
That's right, Johnny and Andreas in the flesh.
Can't lie at all.
Look, look, I've got hard copy on the other
frequency. You're gonna have to top
$5,000 to beat their offer.
$500 from a
tabloid?
Wait, wait, wait a minute, man. Look, look, you're not talking
to some loser who gets messages from Elvis
in his alphabet soup.
No, no, no. Just hold on a minute.
Okay, look, suppose I give you a photo
of him and the mystery woman he brought on board.
Oh, and if she didn't bring on the mystery woman?
Oh, my. We'll find her.
Yeah. What, you crazy?
$30,000?
Sir, you just bought yourself the hottest
news photo of the year.
Congratulations. All right, thank you
very much. Yeah, over and out.
Shift to short, 10-4.
Yeah, goodbye, goodbye.
Where are you going, man?
I'm going to find myself a nice bottle
of life-full powder because we going down.
What's the worst part of treating your worst colds?
A cold medicine that leaves me
spacey. Oh, it's a cold medicine that can vaunt me out.
I hate that. It's like I'm off in the
ozone somewhere. Grob. Spacey.
Introducing Sudafed Severe
Cold Formula. If it could help stop
the cough and the fever, but not stop me from
getting to work, that'd be great.
First Sudafed cough cold and food tablet
and it has nothing but maximum strength
ingredients. All that and it won't knock me
out? Perfect. New Sudafed Severe
Cold Formula. Maximum strength
without drowsiness.
Today, Pepsi announced a new slogan.
Mere words or is the taste of Pepsi
so big, America's really got to have it?
Get ahead. It's something I felt for years
but never had the words to express.
If it's so popular, how come everybody's
drinking it? Henry's only regret
is that he started drinking Pepsi this
late in life. The phrase, gotta have it,
strikes a chord deep in the human psyche.
Now that everybody's gotta have it, Pepsi's
not gonna need celebrity endorsers anymore.
And that's what I've been saying all along.
I won't wear anything
without Cross Your Heart. Cause Cross Your Heart
has cross-shaping. So I always
look better whatever I wear. Playtex
Cross Your Heart bra. Don't wear anything
without Cross Your Heart from Playtex.
The fit that makes the fashion.
Tonight on Fox News, the bottom
line on breast implants and their potential
dangers. Important information
coming up tonight. Plus, where to find
the best bargains on parts for your car
including stereo equipment
in our special series,
Such a Deal. And 90210
fans, listen up. We're gonna be talking to
Jason Priestley about his hit show
at 10. How to build
a better body. Step
one. Come to
the valleys. Step
two. Prepare to sweat.
Step three.
Step Reebok.
Join valleys now for only $18
a month. Pay as you go
with no long-term commitment.
Get it all, plus the Step Reebok
workout. This ain't
no dance class.
Call 1-800-WORKOUT.
Look, Otis, your plan
is crazy.
One photograph of Johnny baptizing
some chick on the lips and we're in for a quick
cool fortune. Yeah? Oh, his big
goo squeezes us and we make a slow warm puddle.
I think it's in near him, man.
Are you kidding? No. No.
I'm sorry.
My ice cream. Here's the camera,
okay? Now when Johnny comes out of there, I want you
to follow him around. If you catch him kissing
a girl on the mouth, take a picture
of it and then run like hell, okay? Go.
Go. Otis, what about the
big E? He's not gonna hit a little kid.
I don't think. Okay, now
you're gonna fire some girls. Hey, Mr. D, this is
the best I could do in a short notice. Oh, good.
Good. Mr. D, this is Minnie.
Maxie, right?
Kenny told you what to do? Yeah.
Take a picture. Yeah.
Do you think this will do?
Ah, couldn't find anything
sexier, huh?
I'll tell you, we're all pressed for time, so this will have to do, okay?
20 bucks apiece, right? The short
fellow said 100 bucks apiece. Ah.
200.
Now 400.
That's what I call a financial cushion.
Mr. Andreas, sir, you have some gifts.
He's just a bait. Lionel, come on.
Get back.
Hey, come on.
Whoa!
Hey, you better have a minute.
That's a $50 camera for you.
All right, shut up, you big idiot.
Put him down,
Loco.
Give him back his camera
for keeping film. All right, everybody,
come on. Show's over. It's break it up,
huh?
So, you wanted to meet me.
Me? No.
You don't want to meet anybody who hangs out with
big goons and hurt kids.
You've got some spunk. I like that.
Are you Johnny Andreas? No.
Hi, I'm Johnny Andreas.
I'm a teen, Chris.
I know who you are.
He never misses an episode of your show.
Why? Because I'm in every single episode of my show.
You were talking to the two-hour one?
Were you listening to the senators' contestants?
You know, after hearing all those
senators' confessions, I had to go to
confession myself.
And I think after meeting you, I just may
have to go again.
Melissa? Don't you think maybe
an introduction is due here?
Oh, splash, don't be silly. You know he's
Johnny Andreas.
Oh, yeah. Hey, wait a second.
You're not hitting on my
babe, dude, are you? Because
I thought you pre-swear, uh,
cellulite.
Absolutely.
Completely cellulite.
Nothing.
Not even...
Oh, bummer,
dude. You must be
tense. I'm talking real
industrial tense.
Well, if you'll excuse me.
I think I'll be seeing you around,
young Lee. It's not a big
shit.
I don't need to tell you, but
I see an interesting picture developing
here.
Everybody go to the house and stick out my DJ.
Go DJ, go DJ,
go DJ, go DJ,
go DJ, go DJ,
go DJ.
Everybody say, oh yeah,
oh yeah, oh oh,
oh oh, oh oh,
go Humpty, go Humpty, go.
Go Humpty, go Humpty, go.
Okay.
Okay. Eight o'clock.
Shuffleboard. Eight thirty.
Kino.
Nine o'clock. Volleyball.
Why don't we
skip the volleyball? You can just jump
and down for me.
Mr. Drexler, we've completed
our surveillance of the
certain team star and your daughter.
Yeah. What'd he say?
Melissa's meeting Johnny on the moonlight deck
at ten o'clock tonight. Where'd you get your information?
The ladies room.
What?
Lano's mother still takes them.
There's an advantage to looking like you're
five when you're eleven.
Lionel.
Proud of you son.
There you go.
Melissa.
Give us a minute.
Thanks.
I honestly didn't think you'd come.
Well, I have to admit, I was kind of
awestruck that some big celebrity would be
interested in someone like me.
Just forget about all that celebrity stuff, okay?
That's what I run.
That's why I'm on this cruise.
Yeah, and what about your fiancee?
She's left her.
Hey, I did her a favor.
You did her a favor?
That's so self-centered.
Look, the only reason I came up here
was to give you a piece of advice from someone
who's about to become an ex-fan.
You don't have to behave like a teen
priest or anything, but if you acted a little
more like a human being, I think it would do you
good.
Melissa, I agree with you 100%.
Johnny Andreas you're talking about is
what the tabloids invented.
I'm decent.
I'm real.
And I want to be with someone who's decent
and real.
Like you.
Someone who comes from a real place.
Like Iowa?
Like Iowa.
You believe me?
Uh-huh.
Wait, okay.
I'm real flattered by this
and everything, but I have someone that I really
love and I think this should stop right now.
No.
You've been up a great chance.
My lips locked
with yours.
A breathless kiss under
a full moon. Yes!
Actually,
it's only a half moon.
Not if we hold it for two weeks.
Malcolm, Malcolm, get that guy!
Dad!
Hey, hey, hey, I'm just getting a little ocean shot.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Come on, come on.
What's the matter with you?
Big goon.
What are you going to do? Are you going to sell this to a sleazeball
tabloid? I just might do that
in the middle of your business. Dad, this is
the worst thing you've ever done. I'm embarrassed
to be your daughter. Please, you don't understand.
Just wait until next summer when you're in school
in Switzerland. Then you'll understand.
You're saying your daughter's in Switzerland? That's right, pal.
What I wouldn't give
to have a father like you.
I call back to Minnesota all my debt cares
about is the money. Daddy.
Look, do what you want
with the picture. It's not about
the picture.
When I saw Melissa,
I knew that I just had to say
hello. She seems so
sweet and caring.
Obviously your daughter.
Look, I want you both
to know that
I forgive you.
And all this comes from an almost
fatherless boy in Minnesota.
Dad, you've got to give him that picture back.
He
blessed us right here on the day.
It's my luck.
I meet my first
Hollywood phony and he turns out to be
a real guy.
Listen,
if Melissa thinks you're
great, that's good enough
for me, pal.
Take it.
Bless you,
schmuck.
He's calling you schmuck.
He's calling you schmuck.
I just wonder
because the eyes. I was born and raised in Beverly Hills,
north of Sunset. I've never been to
Minnesota and I hope to God I never have to go.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
no problems here, pal. I'm done with her.
She's all yours. Hope you get further
than I did. She's an expert.
Malcolm, let's get a couple of bimbos and get on the chopper.
Hey, uh, you want this picture?
Have a nice life in, uh,
where you from? Idaho?
It's not Idaho!
It's
Idaho!
Cut the picture!
Does anyone know
C.P.R.? I do.
Alright, get this out of here!
Good
God!
What the hell are you trying to do?
I was trying to keep you alive.
I'd rather be dead.
You know, to repair guys
who were fixing the furnace, you probably
sucked down a few of the fumes.
I'm surprised you went through those tobacco pouches
you call lungs.
You know, C.P.R.,
we're not going to do that.
We're not going to do that.
We're not going to do that.
We were worried about you.
Yeah, Mr. D, we thought you were done dead, dude.
Oh,
dreams.
It was a cruise. Oh, was it a nice cruise?
All of you guys were in the dream.
Hey there, Mr. Drexler,
I think we found out what the problem was with your furnace here.
You got a little, uh, gas leak under your kitchen there.
They were in the dream, too.
You were Humpty
and he was Teen Freest.
Huh, Teen Freest, what the hell's that?
Humpty? Never heard of him.
Hey, man, you might like to know for a while, pal.
Ha ha ha!
You're a funny guy.
Ha ha ha!
Listen, guys,
thanks, thanks for coming over,
but I think I need a little rest, okay?
Sure, Otis.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh.
Oh.
Center Court with Andre Agassi
and Mr. David Wheaton.
Nice shoes.
Some technical difficulty
in the network.
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You're watching the Fox Summer Games.
Don't go away,
because in just a few moments,
we'll be switching back to Hawaii
where daredevil Super Dave Osborne
will reveal the incredible record-shattering
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That's right,
we're talking world record here, folks.
Then you'll be hitting the beach
with the gang from 90210,
so stay tuned.
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Tonight on Fox News,
I've become very jaded towards a lot of things.
90210 star Jason Priestley
talks about how his real life
is different than his life on the show.
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Welcome back to the magnificent Hawaiian Island.
We're about ready to send Super Dave Osborne
on a world record cycling excursion.
Super, are you ready?
Well, I am, Michael. I feel very good
and I feel strong.
We just got a weather report that at Makapu Point
there are headwinds.
So it may be tougher than I thought, but I feel great
being in Hawaii is the best.
Okay, well good luck on the bicycle race.
Thank you very much. We're going to go right now
to a special edition of 90210,
and I'll see you soon.
[♪techno music playing
and wind blowing in the background.
We get started with a great and exciting
actualned chase.
Here's who'll win,
we'll turn it into a competition to see who sphere
and who start.
Come give it your best shot.
Hey Paul,
They can't both be excited and they can
but is that exciting?
My little size is Tom Webster and with another
come up.
We'll see,
each crew will be based on the best
teams.
Complete.
The Fox Summer Games are brought to you by Toyota.
L.J. Odom on the Toyota Corolla LE Extra Value Package.
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Critics are toasting
The Adventures of the Great Mouse Detective.
It's great for kids and adults, proclaims ABC.
Three and a half stars raves USA Today.
And Joel Siegel says it's magic.
Walt Disney Pictures, The Adventures of the Great Mouse Detective.
Rita G. and From Hollywood Pictures.
We need help.
Don't you presume to tell me how to follow up?
It's Sean Connery in the year's biggest adventure.
I found a cure for the plague of the 20th century and now I've lost.
Medicine Man, rated PG-13, and
The Adventures of the Great Mouse Detective, each playing separately.
Previously on 90210.
Everybody talks about sex like it's no big deal.
And it is a big deal.
Things are happening too fast.
What are you saying?
I need to break up with you.
And now, 90210.
Alright, I'm all packed.
I still can't find my blue shirt.
Honey, I'm sure I saw it in your drawer.
No, I already checked.
Uh, Dad, actually I wore that shirt to the beach last week.
Brenda, why do you have to wear my shirts?
Because they look great.
You're rolling a guy's shirt, Dad, it's nothing like it.
Oh my God, that's Dylan's dad, turn it up.
The smartest thing she ever did was break up with that guy.
He's on the scene.
For the past decade, the name Jack McKay was synonymous with big business in Los Angeles.
There's only a matter of time before they caught up with that crook.
But I need to end it, Jack McKay found...
Dad, he's innocent until proven guilty.
Does he look innocent to you?
A multi-millionaire told the court that his liabilities exceed his assets by as much as six billion dollars.
McKay's assets have been seized.
Hi, you know what to do after the beeperoonie.
It's me, Brenda. Are you okay?
Dylan, Dylan, please pick up.
A tropical storm off the bar on the coast is picking up some wicked sets this morning.
The Coast Guard reports small craft advisories from Point Conception to the Mexican border.
Malibu Beach reports three to five foot waves, good to excellent shape.
Santa Monica reports four to five foot breakers, excellent shape.
Zuma reports eight foot swells from the southwest.
So buckle up for safety and party hard.
Hey, man.
Hey, buddy.
Figured I'd see you this morning. It's pretty fresh in out there.
Yeah, summer storm, nature's gift to surf bumps.
You gonna be dangling later?
I don't know, depends how the waves hold up.
Brenda's been looking for you, man. We, uh, saw the news.
Yeah, finally caught up with the old man.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, B, don't worry about it, man. He's paying the best lawyers in L.A. to do that.
And what about you? You all right?
Thank you. Surf's up.
Mother, I will not let you use that. It doesn't have any sunblock in it.
Oh, honey, I've given up every vice in the world. Don't take away my tan.
Well, you didn't work this hard to clean up your actus so you could drop dead a skin cancer.
Yes, mother.
You know, without a margarita to play with,
sitting on a lounge chair is really dreadful.
Well, you must not be facing the right direction.
Where?
Maybe there is one more good vice left.
Hmm, check him out.
Not bad.
What do you think about him?
Oh, come on.
Yeah, well, you can still afford to be picky.
Now that is more like it.
Steve? I thought you guys were history.
Not Steve, mother. Kyle Connor.
Youth is definitely wasted on the young.
Well, mystical surf wizard,
what does your wisdom tell us about these massive sets of destruction?
I think we're in for a serious pounding.
Anybody who will go out in them has got to be the loony.
So when's his father's arraignment?
I don't know.
Will he postpone?
Andrea, I don't know any more than you do.
Yeah, but Brenda, don't you talk to anyone?
We broke up, remember?
Yeah, I know, but I thought at a time like this...
No, Andrea, Dylan likes to talk. He can call me.
William Shakespeare wrote his first play in 1590.
Does anyone know what it was?
Yes, Andrea.
Andrea. Henry VI?
Right, very good, Andrea.
Shakespeare followed that big hit with the world's first sequel.
Anybody know what it was called?
Donna, how about you tell us?
Um, Henry VI part two?
She's right.
You know, in Shakespeare's day, men performed all the parts.
Fortunately, things have changed.
And to honor the bard, we're all going to try some scenes from Shakespeare this week.
Shakespeare? I thought this class was supposed to be fun.
Come on, Macbeth.
King Lear, Hamlet.
Well, it was good enough for Mel Gibson.
So which of you ingenues would like to try the role of Juliet?
Donna.
Me?
Yes, you. And for your partner?
The teen heartthrob of all time? Let's see.
Never was there a story of more woe than this of Donna...
and her Romeo.
See something interesting?
Just picking up on some of the finer points.
What, the game or Kyle?
May I serve?
Thanks.
Um, the ball?
It'll cost you.
Well, what do you have in mind?
How about some private lessons?
All right. All right, you got it. Private lessons starting tomorrow, early.
Groovy.
Can I have my ball back now?
Oh, sure.
Are we playing or what?
I remember groping my way through Shakespeare in high school.
I was Lady Macbeth in the class play.
You weren't.
Out, damn spot. Out, I say.
Who'd have thought the old pot to have so much dirt in her?
It's a joke.
You know, Macbeth killed the king and there was all this blood and...
Forget it.
I'll get that.
Hello?
Uh, no, Brandon's not here, is this?
Well, where is he? What happened?
What is it?
All right, we'll be right there.
It's Dylan. He was surfing. There was an accident. He's in the hospital.
Oh, my God.
Is he all right?
I don't know.
Come on.
I'm sure he'll be all right.
Dylan?
How did you know?
When you were unconscious, the paramedics found Brandon's name upon a murder car.
You scared me.
It was awesome.
Yeah, really awesome. Look at you.
You're lucky to be alive.
I'm fine.
You look like an angel.
I called you last night. Why didn't you call me back?
I couldn't talk to anybody.
Not even me?
I'm sorry. I didn't answer the phone.
Dylan, does your dad know?
His lawyers were here earlier. Somebody had to give him permission to treat me.
I need you, Bren.
I know.
Everything's gonna be all right.
You're gonna be out of here in no time. I better go.
Don't leave.
You need your rest. The doctor said so.
Linda?
How's he doing?
Okay, I guess.
Well, the doctor said it's just a mild concussion and a few cracked ribs, but they want to keep him here for a few days because there's no one to take care of him at home.
So I told them we'd take him home with us.
Dylan, I broke up, remember? I can't have him living in our house.
Brenda, I couldn't just leave him here alone in the hospital. And he's Brandon's friend, too.
Okay, it's just for a few days. Let's go.
Bugsy, nominated for more Academy Awards than any film.
Ten, including best picture, best actor, best director, and best screenplay.
Bugsy, rated R, now playing.
I wish it were darker so they couldn't see my skin.
Pitch black would be nice.
Relax. You wash every day with noxema and nothing else.
He is so cute.
It's better than soap.
It dissolves oil without over-drying.
Soap doesn't.
I want to tell you that I really look great.
Thanks.
For healthy-looking skin, your face belongs to Noxema.
What kind of food are those?
Kicks.
These are good.
Is this the marshmallow stuff?
No.
Roan sugar with a crisp corn crunch. Kicks. Kid-tested. Mother approved.
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Caution. There is no rewind or fast-forward. Only pause and play.
Getting here.
First, my dad took me to the opening ceremony.
And now, figure skating.
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Tomorrow night, 90210 continues with another Back to the Beach episode.
That's right, another 90210. Part of the Fox Summer Games tomorrow night.
Oh, Brenda, would you take this up to Dylan for me, please?
Sorry, Mom, it was your idea. I'm the complaint answer nurse.
Brenda!
What do you want, Mom?
You first, you and Dad tell me not to sleep with him, then you tuck him in the next bedroom?
Well, where are you going?
Out.
Sorry I'm taking your room over, man.
Oh, that's all right, Jones. So po-po-po-po.
Ow.
Gets a couple busted ribs are God's way of telling you you're grounded, huh?
Yeah, that's funny. I'd laugh except it hurts.
What exactly happened out there, man?
I was stupid.
The tube started to close out on me and I got jacked from behind.
Should have seen it coming.
Well, you had a lot on your mind.
This has nothing to do with my dad.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Well, you had a lot on your mind. This has nothing to do with my dad, Sigmund.
Oh, that's right.
Nothing ever gets to you, huh?
Dinner!
Hey, Mom, come on in.
Roast chicken with rosemary, broccoli au gratin, some new potatoes, and chocolate mousse pie for dessert.
Wow. Yeah, wow.
Well, taking care of somebody brings out my nesting instincts and my queezing heart.
Is Brenda around?
Brenda? Oh, no, I think, um, I think she went out.
She's not exactly thrilled with my being here.
Well, you know how she is when she makes her mind up about something.
You wouldn't call her stubborn, would you?
Stubborn, Brenda? No.
No.
You have some dinner and just try to get some sleep.
Yeah. Mrs. Walsh?
Yes?
Um, I've forgotten how nice it is to have a family to take care of you when you're sick.
This is very nice. Thank you.
That's okay. She can't help herself.
We all just want you to get well.
What about El Padrino?
Oh, don't worry about him. He's cool.
Brenda, your dad has a lot of things. Cool is not one of them.
Honey, I'm telling you, you're asking for trouble.
I didn't have any choice. He didn't have anywhere to go.
Doesn't the kid have a mother?
No, she lives in Hawaii.
Well, let him go to Hawaii.
Jim, you are not being reasonable.
I am being reasonable. I'm thinking about Brenda.
Brenda's fine.
Well, just lock her door.
Jim, the boy can't even move.
He can move. When it comes to Brenda, he can move.
Hamlet, huh?
To be a bitch or not to be a bitch, that is the question.
I wouldn't say you've been a bitch.
Then again, you haven't said a word to him, and he has been here all day.
I thought that we could stay friends, but that's before he moved in.
Let's go talk to him. Say goodnight or something.
Brandon, this is between Dylan and me.
You know, he's right. You are stubborn.
I am not stubborn.
Come on in.
No.
Are you avoiding me?
Dylan, I made a promise to myself.
I need this time.
Brenda, how am I going to get through this without you?
You are the only one that I trust.
I'm not ready.
I need to think things out to be sure about what I want.
Don't make me think things out.
I want what I want.
Don't make me beg, Brenda. I won't.
Dylan, I'm sorry. I can't.
Can't what?
I can't do this.
I always wake up as I'm falling down.
I'm only careful as I hear the drum.
And when I wake up, there's no one around.
Did you go first?
No. It was harder for you to get out of bed, kind.
It's your bathroom, though.
You can have it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You can have it.
You sure?
Yeah, I'll wait.
Okay. Thanks.
Okay.
Goodnight. Again.
Goodnight.
All right, Kyle, you did good at the spikes.
Now this is a little harder.
Put your arms together like that.
Okay, parallel.
You got it.
Oh, my Lord.
You're getting better.
Okay, ready, one more.
Okay.
Kelly doesn't get up at the crack of dawn for just anybody, Steve.
That's a summer fling. He can have her.
You know, Kyle told me he had a girlfriend at Beverly,
but she might be transferring to West Bethel.
You don't say, huh?
Well, maybe Kelly Taylor can have everything she wants.
Ouch.
What's wrong?
Oh, I don't know. I think I hit the ball wrong or something.
Well, just shake it off.
It hurts.
Hmm.
That's much better.
You know, you have beautiful hands.
Thank you.
Kelly, I was wondering,
would you feel like getting together sometime?
You mean off the court?
Yeah.
Like a date?
Yeah, I guess so.
I thought you'd never ask.
Well, how about tonight?
Okay, cool.
Give me a call.
Okay, great.
Kelly, did you know he's got a girlfriend?
Steve, did you know you're being a jerk?
He's playing with your mind.
Oh, that'd be a welcome change, wouldn't it?
The sweet bells,
jingled out of tune and harsh.
That unmatched form
and stature of blown youth,
blasted with ecstasy.
Oh, woe is me to see
what I have seen, what I see.
Yeah!
All right, great!
I don't know, Brenda.
That was pretty terrific.
You really understand Ophelia.
Maybe it's because I'm sharing a bathroom with Hamlet.
All right, class.
That'll be it for today.
Tomorrow we're moving on to Fair Verona,
where we lay our scene,
and the pair of star-crossed lovers
take their life.
David, Donna,
I hope you're ready.
So, what do you feel like tonight?
Chinese or sushi?
Mom, I kind of have plans for dinner.
A date?
Yeah, Kyle finally asked me out.
Great!
But tell me about this Kyle.
Are you Mr. Super Jock?
Well, he's the best volleyball player I know.
And he plays wide receiver on West Beverly's football team.
Sounds like he has very good hands.
He's not like that.
Not yet, anyway.
But I really like him.
Good.
At least one of us is having some fun.
Mom, you're never going to meet anybody if you just keep sitting up here at the cabana all the time.
I know.
But it's going to take me a while before I
remember how to be sexy and charming
without being inebriated.
Well, it's like volleyball.
You just need a little practice.
Honey, I've had 20 years of practice.
I think I'll just lay low.
Let you be the social butterfly this summer.
I'm really proud of you, Mom.
One day at a time.
Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo?
Oh, uh, shall I hear more
or shall I speak of this?
You shall stop. Scott, I can't bear this anymore.
You have got to be the worst Romeo I've ever seen.
Well, you're no Sandra Bernhard.
You mean Sarah Bernhard.
Well, yeah, her too.
You know, I resent that, David.
This is all your fault. You stink at this.
Well, we're both going to be humiliated here.
Well, not me.
You can be totally humiliated all by yourself because I quit.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Mom!
I'm home.
Mom's shopping.
Nobody's here?
Just me and Oprah.
Do you need anything? A soda or something?
Yeah, that'd be great.
Your mom said there are some sandwiches in the refrigerator.
Okay.
And an apple.
Okay.
Anything else?
Could I get a blanket?
I'll get it.
And my book's on that table right over there.
Will that be all?
Just one more thing.
What?
You.
Dylan.
Ow.
Sorry.
No, it's okay. Don't stop.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was try to stay away from you.
What the hell is going on?
Dad, this is not what you think.
It isn't? It sure looks like it is.
Mr. Walsh, I can explain.
Except maybe why you decided to take advantage of our hospitality by taking advantage of my daughter!
Dad! It's not like that at all!
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Come on, honey. It hasn't run since high school.
High school.
Oreo. Unlock the magic.
New Zing's Cracker Chips from Nabisco.
Sesty Little Z's Zingy Flavor. Original Cheddar and Ranch.
The bad boys in comedy get the beach.
Nature's loss is your gain at fast tanning Club Ozone.
On In Living Color, an all new episode, Sunday.
Super Dave Osborne attempts a whirl cycling record, so stay tuned.
Beverly Hills 90210 is brought to you in part by Toyota.
You can hitch a ride on a Comet.
You can body surf a landslide.
You can hang glide from an eagle.
You can book a flight on a lightning bolt.
Or you can drive the 1992 Toyota 4x4.
And get it all.
You know what I hate? My mother-in-law?
Actually, she's great.
What I hate is getting my eye makeup off every night.
Rubbing with soap and water.
Which is why I switched to Almay Eye Makeup Remover.
They take it all off. Quickly and gently.
And even put on moisturizers and conditioners.
Truth is, I'm not that crazy about my mother-in-law.
Almay, why would I use anything else? And why would you?
I don't care if he hears me.
But my house and his wife's daughter.
I told you that would be trouble.
Jim, they were just kissing.
It was a little more than that.
And if I hadn't walked in, it would have gone a lot further.
Jim, listen to yourself. What about us?
We were older.
Well, still, we said we were going to Trump.
Well, still, we said we were going to Trump.
Yeah, that was before Don Juan moved in.
You're overreacting.
When is he leaving?
The doctor said he'll be in at least five days' bed rest.
Okay, he's been here three, right?
Yeah.
Fine. Another couple of days, and then that's it.
Jim, I'm sorry.
It's not your fault, Brad.
Jim.
You know, I always thought you were the hottest girl at West Beverly.
Well, then why didn't you ever ask me out?
I would have gone out with you in a second.
Well, we're here now.
True.
Kyle, is it true that you're dating a girl at Beverly Hillside?
Kyle, is it true that you're dating a girl at Beverly Hillside?
We broke up.
How come?
It was getting too serious.
I can relate to that.
Do you want to have some fun of the not so serious kind?
Like what?
Follow me.
Come on, Kyle, don't be shy.
What are you doing?
I'm going to get my hair wet.
You're going to freeze out there.
I'm not going to get my hair wet unless you come in.
Forget it.
Give me a towel.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Yee!
It didn't seem like a good idea at the time.
Look, Kelly...
That's okay.
There's a lot we can do on dry land.
What?
I'm sorry, Kelly. I'm not into this.
What do you mean? I thought you liked me.
I do, Kelly. You're great, but...
But what?
I don't know. I mean, you're coming on pretty strong.
Okay, I guess Steve was right.
So you're coming on pretty strong.
Okay, I guess Steve was right.
So you're totally playing mind games with me, right?
Look, Kelly, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.
What did you expect me to think?
You asked me out here.
You're fine. I feel like such a fool.
Kelly, I'm sorry.
Take me home.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I hope you're satisfied.
What?
Dylan's gone. He left. Are you happy now?
Brenda!
Where are you going?
To find him.
And what I do to say I'm sorry for having a father that's such a jerk.
Brenda!
Kyle, I hear you had a hot day with Kelly last night.
So?
Well, moonlight on the beach, fireside picnic.
You made all the right moves. Did you go for it?
Yeah, we had a good time.
Oh, yeah? How good?
Hey, man, ease up, all right?
I'm just curious. You guys make a great couple.
We're not a couple.
Hold on a second, handsome.
You mean you passed up an opportunity with Kelly Taylor?
What happened?
Nothing.
All right, Steve, nothing happened. Is that what you want to hear?
Kelly. Kelly, please, let's talk.
I don't feel like talking.
Summer fling over so soon?
Good luck, Steve.
I already told you I'm not doing it.
Donna, you can't just quit or you'll get an F on the project.
Yeah, well, chances are, with you as a partner, I'll get an F even if I don't quit.
I know how to put this over, Donna, maybe even get us an A.
How?
No way.
Not until you apologize and admit that you're just as bad as I am.
Okay, I'm sorry, okay?
And I'm just as bad as you are. There, you know what your plan is?
Come with me. Come on.
I went to the condo, I went to the hotel, nobody knows where he is.
Okay, thanks.
Yes, we'll call if we hear anything.
Did Dylan say anything to you, too, about spending the summer with his mother in Hawaii?
Not me.
Me either.
Well, after his father turned himself in, it seems Dylan's mother made arrangements for him to spend the summer with her in Hawaii.
I mean, the morning of his accident, he was supposed to be on a plane.
Nobody's heard from him.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Dylan, come on out here, son. You're missing all the fun.
Don't drop me, Daddy, don't drop me.
I'll never drop you, son. I promise. I'll always be here for you. I'll never let you fall.
I'll always be here for you. I'll never let you fall.
They think they're so grown up, but they're not big enough for an adult dose of cold medicine. New pedi-care chewables for ages 6 to 12. Just the right strength for an older child's cold. New pedi-care chewables.
This sign is unmistakable. So are these. In one easy step. Fact Plus will show you a plus if you're pregnant, minus if you're not.
Fact Plus. Easy to read. So you know for sure.
Listen. Here. If this movie doesn't touch your heart, then you just don't have one. It's about real bravery and real hero. It hits home. Once you see it, you will feel it. You live these little boys' lives. It brings me back 25 years. Once you feel it, you will never forget it. Really touch me.
Fabulous. Powerful. Smooth. You've got to go see it. Radio Flyer. Powered by Imagination. Rated PG-13. At theaters Friday.
It comes as no surprise that Cracker Barrel Cheddar has won yet another gold medal for taste. What may surprise you, it's for Cracker Barrel Light, with one-third less fat. Judge to be the best.
Not long ago, a group of ladies wrote us, singing the praises of Murphy's Oil Soap, the pure natural cleaner that's safe to use on almost any wooden surface. Now, if Murphy's Oil Soap is good enough to clean this house, it's surely good enough to clean yours.
The Bundys are going to Florida. Let me get that lizard there for you. For a weekend of love. Let's jam. Unmarried with Children, part of the Fox Summer Games Sunday.
Tomorrow night, 90210 continues with another Back to the Beach episode. That's right, another 90210, part of the Fox Summer Games tomorrow night.
Yikes.
Where's the elevator?
Whoa.
I'll wait in the bus.
It's been called the toughest workout on Earth. Step Rebock. Nobody can make you do it. You just have to be one of those people who believes that hard work will be rewarded.
This is so cool.
Every day this winter, you see some things rising and some things falling. But one thing stays the same. Low key buy prices at Lucky. This week, save on Pepsi Cola, Diet Pepsi, or caffeine-free Diet Pepsi.
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Dylan.
Hey.
Hey.
We're looking all over for you, man. What are you doing here?
I just needed a place to crash.
You can't crash here. Henry will call the cops. Come on.
Check this out.
This used to be your cabana?
Yeah. My parents got divorced when I was about six. The marks stopped, so did everything else. One last trip down memory lane, huh? Come on.
So how come you weren't on that plane to Hawaii?
How'd you know about that?
My mom talked to the lawyer.
Your mom's worried about you.
Yeah, she's the last person I want to see right now.
She's your mom, man. She loves you.
Brandon, your mom was always there when you needed her. Mine wasn't. She was too busy out finding herself.
Come on, she can't be all that dead.
Man, she's a flake. Aside from the occasional whacked out late night phone call, I don't have anything to do with it. And I would like to keep it that way.
Well, sooner or later you're gonna have to see her, Dylan. You can't avoid your mom forever.
Dylan, man, didn't expect to see you up and around.
Yeah, well, my convalescence was cut short.
Yeah, hey, we got a game waiting whenever you're ready.
All right. See you later.
All right, man.
Kelly.
Look, what do you want?
Kelly, please, just...
Forget it, Kyle.
I don't want to forget it, Kelly. I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't mean to insult you or hurt you.
Look, I came on too strong, right? Don't make this any more embarrassing for me than it already is.
Kelly, believe me, it's not you. I mean, I think you're beautiful.
But I'm not your type.
I don't even know what my type is. Maybe I'm still thinking about my old girlfriend. I don't know.
So where does that leave us?
I really like you, Kelly. I want us to be friends.
All right.
Okay. Look, I'm getting the game together. You want to play?
Sure.
Brenda, how many times do I have to tell you, you put the dinner plate with the dinner plate...
I know how to load a dishwasher.
...and then you put the bowls with the bowls, and that way you get a lot more room, you can get a lot more in there, you know?
I mean, come on, Brenda, there's a right way and a wrong way to do things.
And then there's the wash way.
Well, it works for me.
I'm not talking about dishes, Dad.
So far, the wash way of raising kids has worked pretty well.
Maybe we're done being raised.
You think so?
You didn't have to throw him out, Dad.
I didn't throw him out.
You might as well have.
I told him he could stay until he was well.
You did not! You told him he had to leave in two days.
How do you think that made him feel like he had to sleep on a beach?
I know you care about him.
I do, Dad.
I have to help him. Please help me.
Okay, okay.
It's gonna be all right.
Well, I'll take care of him.
We will?
You just gotta understand, Brenda.
One minute you're my little girl, and then...
all of a sudden you're taking pregnancy tests.
Things are moving kind of fast for your old man.
Oh, maybe I'm not your little girl anymore.
You'll always be my little girl.
Ow, Steve!
Steve, what is your problem?
Man, what's the deal here?
Hey, this is an A game.
If she can't take the heat, then she shouldn't play.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha!
You know what your problem is, Sanders?
You just don't know when you give up.
I suggest you get off me.
Mr. Macho, right?
You take a cheap first shot, and you can't even make it with Kelly Taylor?
What kind of guy are you?
For your information, Steve, I was with Kyle last night,
and he was wonderful.
In every way you can imagine.
David, Donna, come on, let's get this show on the road.
Okay, we're ready.
Okay. And, curtains.
Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Deny thy father, and refuse thy name,
or if thou wilt not be but sworn my love,
then I will no longer be a Capulet.
Shall I hear more, or shall I speak as this?
If thy name that is my enemy, but what's in a name?
Thou which we call a rose by any other name,
but now is sweet.
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized.
Henceforth, I never...
Oh, we'll be Romeo.
Uh-huh. Divine, David, simply divine.
And, Donna, no Romeo ever looked quite so good in tights.
You went for the easy lap, a total cop-out.
But very funny.
Well, I have to admit, it was all David's idea, really.
Oh, well, that's very commendable, David.
But, uh, don't quit your day job just yet.
And you're gonna do this again.
Both of you.
Only next time, uh, do it straight.
Oh.
You know, you didn't have to cover for me back there.
Hey, it's cool.
I'm not the kind of girl who kiss and tell.
Or, not kiss and tell.
Kelly, about the other night,
there's something I want to tell you.
I don't owe me any explanations.
Something I've never told anyone.
What?
Kelly, I've never slept with a girl before.
So you were a virgin.
It's no big deal.
No, you don't get it.
Look, Kelly, I...
I've never slept with a girl before.
I don't know if I want to.
You mean you're gay?
No.
I don't know, Kelly.
I just know that I wish I would have been attracted to you.
My life would be a lot less confusing right now.
Look, um, I don't want anybody to know about this, all right?
Sure, I understand.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I trust you.
Oh, so the other night you were just kind of testing yourself?
Yeah, I guess so.
That's why I picked the most beautiful girl on the beach.
So, I mean, it's not like you've turned me down for anything, right?
That's right.
I can handle that.
Dylan, I just talked to my old man.
He wants me to bring you home.
Forget it. He threw me out.
You almost had a change of heart.
Dude, I know when I'm not wanted, okay?
Dylan, if I don't bring you home with me,
Brenda will never forgive my father.
Ever.
Did you say never?
I said never ever.
I saw Dylan's car parked out front.
Hold on, honey.
Father's talking to him in the living room.
You're kidding.
Whatever you said worked.
Is he staying?
Well, I don't know.
Let's just take it one meal at a time.
Sounds like your father got himself into a lot of trouble.
Yeah.
My dad was always the man with the plan.
Now everything's gone.
Do you have any assets of your own?
My car.
Not much else.
Cash?
No.
There must be some provisions made for your support.
Yeah.
I'm supposed to go to Hawaii and live with my mother.
In October, it'll be three years since I've even seen her.
I'm supposed to just walk in and say, hi, Mom.
If it'll make you feel any better,
you're welcome to stay here a little while longer
until you sort things out.
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
I'm sorry I lost my temper the other day.
For a long time now, I've been the only man in Brenda's life.
It's hard for me to accept her growing up.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
Why do you always act like I'm not good enough for her?
Dylan, I haven't been very fair with you.
You have to realize from where I stand,
nobody would have been good enough for Brenda.
You know, they say that girls always look for guys
who remind them of their fathers.
Let's not get carried away.
Have you talked to your father?
No.
He might be needing you right about now.
I don't know what to say to him.
Just be honest.
A long time ago, you made a promise to me.
You said you'd always be there, that you'd never let me fall.
And along the way, even when things got rough between us,
deep down I believed you.
Deep down, I don't believe you anymore.
But it doesn't matter, because I still want a father.
And I hope you want to have a son again.
Your loving son, Dylan.
Dylan?
I just want to say good night.
Good night, Brenda.
Sleep well.