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Well, that wasn't bad.
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The Simpsons is brought to you by Rebots.
I am not cleaning that.
Who am I kidding?
Maggie, when you grow up you can suck your pacifier all you want.
Extra mustard for Bart, sliced diagonally, not lengthwise.
Light mayo for Lisa, cut off the crust.
Beveled bologna for a home.
Mom, can you see my lucky red cap?
Mom, where's my lucky red cap?
Mom, I hate those documentary eyes.
I have two sandwiches today, make the bologna sandwiches.
I have two slices of bologna.
One at a time, one at a time.
Double bologna.
Don't forget to make a double bologna because you can hardly eat bologna.
I'm not.
There you go Lisa, no paventos.
Bart, your hat's where you left it, behind the toilet.
Homer, I'll sell your pants but I'm out of bologna.
Thanks mom.
Don't.
Enough!
There you go, Lisa. No pimentos.
Bart, your hat's where you left it, behind the toilet.
Homer, I'll sew your pants, but I'm out of baloney.
Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Mom.
Don't!
The video's to return. Grocery list.
They dipped it for the cat. Homer's dry cleaning.
I think that's everything.
Marge, can you take my ball to Nick's today?
A bottle cap got lodged in a finger hole.
I'm running late as it is. Can't you just use one of the balls at the alley?
Oh, alley balls.
All right, don't whine. Just put it in my left hand.
Kids, hurry up or you're going to miss your bus.
No way.
Never happen.
Nothing happened.
We'll all be damned.
Mom, Bart's making faces at me.
It's a nervous twitch and I'm a little sensitive about it, if you don't mind.
Mom, he's doing it again.
Bart, quit it.
Quit it. Hey, quit it, quit it, quit it, mom!
Cat out.
Fruit weather?
Tree fresh invitation, orange drink.
Krusty brand duck sausage pizza.
Sorry, lady, you've got the wrong Nick's.
One Nick's on the other side of town.
Hey, I don't know what Nicky's telling you. I haven't flushed a bowl in years.
Oh, this miserable stress headache.
Feels like there's a rat in my brain.
It's time for another Bill and Marty. Classic crank call.
Hello, is this Mr. Justin Sherman?
Yes.
Sir, your wife is dead.
Oh, God, no.
That's right. She just walked through a plate glass window. There's blood everywhere.
I just talked to her.
Bart's making faces, my lucky red cap.
Hey, bowl.
Your wife is dead. I haven't flushed a bowl in years.
No!
Look, lady, this better be good.
This is Arnie Pie with Arnie in the Sky.
We've got big problems on the Springfield Memorial Bridge, people.
Traffic going way back in both directions.
And look out at the traffic.
It's a big problem.
We've got a big problem.
Come on, let's go back in both directions and look out at the corner of Forties and Elm,
because I just dropped my bagel.
She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
Want me to flash your lights?
Yes.
Well, I'm fresh out of ideas.
All rise! It's a chance to catch some reeds.
Come on, come on. I've got a body in the trunk.
Mr. Cheney, stop fiddling with the buttons.
Oh, now you've gotten chocolate all over everything.
This is Kent Brockman reporting live from Arnie Pye's Traffic Copter.
But I can assure you this is no mere morning traffic report.
Hi.
Face the facts, Arnie.
An overworked and underappreciated housewife has snapped and parked her car on the bridge, refusing to budge.
This reporter is now going to be lowered down in the Channel 6 Sky Harness for an exclusive interview.
Huh?
Ow!
Hey!
Ow!
Hey, sweetheart. What's the matter?
Not getting enough of the good stuff at home?
Doh!
Dan can throw a disk as well.
Let me through! Let me through! I'm her husband!
Oh, unexplained to look.
Try to talk her out of there. But don't put your lips on it or anything.
Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? Hello?
Homer, is that you?
What should I say?
Well, how about, yes, it's me?
Yes, it's me!
I'm telling your lover.
I love you very much.
Aww.
And, uh, later tonight I think you and I should, uh, snuggle.
Ha ha!
Uh, why don't you just, uh, wrap it up?
Look, Marge, I can tell something's bothering you,
but if you come out of that car, I promise to do whatever it takes to make it better.
Please, honey?
Okay.
Cover, boys!
Off the record, ma'am, all the gals on the force knew just how you felt.
That's nice. You think you can lose to my cops?
No.
Don't you worry, Mr. Mayor.
This little bird will be cracking rocks by the end of the week.
Wiggum, you glorified night watchman, let us in.
But she broke the law.
Thanks for the civics lesson.
Now listen to me.
If Marge Simpson goes to jail, I can kiss the chick boat goodbye.
And if I go down, you're all gonna break my fall.
Word of the wise, Quimby, don't write checks your butt can't turn.
Hear me loud and clear, Wiggum.
You bite me, I'll bite back.
You talk the talk, Quimby, but do you walk the walk?
I hereby declare today to be Marge Simpson Day in the city of Springfield.
They're like trained seals, tossing a fish and watching them slap their fins together.
Well, all is well that ends well.
Good night, Marge.
Many years ago, the Spanish explorers discovered a little piece of heaven
nestled in the Springfield Mountains.
They called it the
Rancho Relaxo, and so do we.
Today, it's Springfield's only two-star health spa.
Swim, play tennis, or just sit and stare at the world.
At Rancho Relaxo, you're the boss.
Remember, you can't spell relaxo without relax.
Homer.
What?
I need a vacation.
What?
But Marge, we just had a vacation.
Remember Mr. Caver's?
I need to unwind.
I know you do, Marge, but come on.
You know what our vacations are like, those three monsters in the backseat.
Are we there yet?
Well, let's face it, I'm no day at the beach either.
Marge, can I have another sandwich?
No, I'm on a vacation by myself.
What?
You mean we're getting a divorce?
Marge, I can change.
No, homie, no, I'd still love you.
A lot of couples take separate vacations.
Well, okay, but you have to swear you're coming back.
I swear.
All right.
Thanks again for taking the children while I'm away.
Don't worry yourself.
We've got six months of maternity leave we're never going to use anyway.
Homer, can you bring Maggie out?
Wish I'd thought of that.
She's starting to give.
Homer, Maggie really doesn't want to leave the house.
Maybe she should just stay with you.
Are you sure that's wise?
I'll probably trade her for a beer and a nudie magazine.
For your information, I can take care of my...
See, got her in the first bound.
All aboard for Shelbyville, Badwater, Kennelskull, Testing Grounds, and Rancho Relaxo.
Goodbye, homie.
Goodbye?
Where's my clean underwear?
Check the dryer.
How often should I change Maggie?
Whenever she needs it.
Marge, Marge, how do I use the pressure cooker?
Don't!
This is Coma.
W-K-O-M-A. Restful, easy listening.
Coming up next, a superset of songs about clouds.
What?
Hello, Maggie.
Sorry, honey.
Mommy went crazy and went far, far away.
So it's going to be just you and me for a while.
Just you and me.
Kids, you haven't touched your tongue sandwiches.
You need something to drink?
We've got Clamato, Mr. Pibb, and soy milk.
That's all right.
How'd they go? Just hit the hay.
It's 12.30 in the afternoon.
I'm aware of the time.
Lisa, you'll sleep in my bed.
Bart, you'll be sleeping with your Aunt Panny.
In your bed?
Uh-huh.
And I should warn you, I'm told I snore.
Oh, divorce court done in 15 minutes.
I'm scared, Lisa.
You think you know fear?
Well, I seem naked.
Look!
Oh, hello.
And welcome to Rancho Relaxo.
I'm Troy McClure.
You might remember me from such films as Today We Kill,
Tomorrow We Die, and Gladys the Groovy Mule.
But today you'll see in my greatest role
your video tour guide to Rancho Relaxo.
Our tour starts in your very own room,
where Relaxo Vision offers you the latest Hollywood hits.
And after midnight, the finest R-rated movies Europe has to offer.
Ooh la la.
Today's selections are...
Selma and Louise,
The Happy Little Albs Meet Fuzzy Snuggle Duck,
and The Erotic Awakening of Essence.
Chef Rodrigo, what are you up to?
A taste for yourself, Troy.
Mmm! That can't be good for me.
It tastes too good.
That's where you're wrong, Troy.
This whole pot is only 14 calories.
Oh, Gregory, where have you been all my life?
Feeling tense?
Then just push 9 on your phone.
Then the pound sign.
Then 483.
We'll do the rest.
Oh, good.
Come on, Mickey.
Nummy nummy num.
Huh?
Mmm.
Um.
Drink peas.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh!
Oh! No!
Let go!
Oh!
At times like this, I'm glad I flunked out of that Mexican med school.
Hi, Bernie. Thanks for keeping me company.
No problem.
Well, hell, well, if it is a little Bart,
remember Uncle Barney?
Hey, hold on. Let me hold him.
All right, but just be careful.
Whoa! Someone smells stinky!
Oh, it's me.
Bart, you really shouldn't be looking through other people's things.
Find anything good?
I said before, and I'll say it again.
Ay, caramba!
Hey, Lee, bang, bang!
Oh, Bart, that's a blackhead gun!
Ew!
Best MacGyver ever.
Mm-hmm.
Richard Dean Anderson will be in my dreams tonight.
Oh!
Go to sleep,
and good night.
Da da da da da da da da.
Doo doo doo.
Merry Christmas,
day,
peace,
night.
Good night, my little pork cutlet.
Oh!
Oh, that's awesome.
Oh!
Maggie?
Oh!
Maggie!
Oh, man!
You want a bad night?
Why do I sleep in a water bath?
It's only a bad night.
Oh, my God.
Why are you sleeping on one of these?
Barney, I've lost a baby.
It's the worst thing I've ever done.
Don't worry. Don't worry.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna make you an omelet.
Just help me look.
Are you sure?
I make them with two kinds of cheese.
Come on.
Whoa!
Hey, Homer, I think I've got her.
Ah! Come on!
Barney, you're gonna pull her arm off.
The sooner I get her out, the sooner we can have omelets.
Ah!
Hmm, so what's the verdict?
Oh, dear God, I can't even put a bag over my head.
Yes, you could.
Hello, I'd like the Department of Missing Baby.
Please hold.
Fungi jumping, kayaking, calligraphy, cigar making, hula dancing.
Hmm, I guess I've done everything.
By now you've seen what Rancho Relaxo has to offer.
Uh-huh.
But remember, we can't tell you how to have a good time.
You have to tell us.
As I said to Dolores Montenegro in Calling All Quakers,
have it your way, baby.
Hello, room service?
This is March Simpson.
I'd like a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream
and some chocolate chip cheesecake
and a bottle of tequila.
Let's get out of here, Thelma.
Kay, Louise.
What do you want?
I came to see the kid.
Wait here, and don't steal any light bulbs.
Hmm.
Dad!
Hi.
You haven't seen Maggie around any place, have you?
No.
Well, I gotta go.
Come on, kids.
Time to rub in Patty's feet.
Hello, Governor.
Lube job while you wait.
Don't touch me.
Hello?
Hi, homie.
I feel much better.
Listen, March, uh,
how would you feel if I told you the dog ran away?
Homer, that's awful.
Oh.
Well, I got good news for you.
The dog didn't run away.
Well, good.
I'm coming home, honey.
You can pick me up at the train station in an hour.
Bring the kids. Bye.
Bye.
Please, don't jump.
I know you're going through some tough times,
but you have your whole life ahead of you.
No, March.
Maggie was very young.
It's not like we got so attached to her.
No.
March, isn't life funny?
One day they're babies, the next thing you know,
they're off on their own.
You a man who reported a lost baby?
Yes.
Can you describe her?
Uh, she's small.
She's a girl.
Bingo!
Oh, Maggie!
Not so fast.
I want it on three counts of criminal neglect.
You found my baby!
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
Ha, ha, ha!
Such.
Just don't do it again, you prick lug.
Ha, ha, ha!
You're not going anywhere.
Hi, did you miss me?
Never leave again.
I missed you too.
And from now on, I hope you'll help me out
a little more than you used to.
You got it, sweetheart.
You have enough naked there?
Well, I could use a little more.
And sometimes I want a little time to myself.
And I expect you to help.
Mom, I think I speak for everyone in this bed
when I say you have nothing to worry about.
Now let's just try and get a little shut out, okay?
Hmm.
Ready for the hockey hero in the mouth?
Absolutely.
Ball out of the lips, golf shot.
Don't try this one at home until you get my video
or look at it a few times.
Wait a minute, I don't, uh...
In the mouth, I don't think I can.
Don't even worry about this.
You're gonna probably hit it the same amount.
310 is what you're looking.
Hit the same smooth shot.
All right, just put the ball in my mouth.
Good.
Just challenge it.
All right.
Relax.
Okay.
Fuji, I don't know if I can do this.
Don't worry.
Piece of cake.
Just concentrate and hit the ball.
Remember, keep head down, lift arms straight.
Just wait.
And...
Oh!
Anyway, let's go to a special edition Drexel's class.
We'll see you in about 30 minutes,
and we'll set up the bike record attempt.
Well, God, I have to admit it was a pretty bitchin' week.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for inspiring me to always carry my Bible.
This was the second time in three weeks I used it to stop an assassin's bullet.
Don't worry, I'll read around the holes.
Well, I guess that's about it, big guy.
Ah, until next week, I'll remain your humble...
teen priest.
I don't know if this is sacrilegious, but that guy has got a great butt.
Well, this is sacrilegious. That collar really turns me on.
That guy's a total snapper head.
I heard on the MTV news that he left his babe waiting at the altar, and he just disappeared.
That guy's a priest, for God's sakes.
Hey, girls.
Daddy, are we ever going to get any heat around here?
I'm willing to contribute my babysitting money if it means that the people down at the gas company will come over here and fix the furnace.
That won't be necessary, honey.
If I were you, I'd start looking for my bathing suit and some suntan lotion.
Dad, are you crazy?
It's 14 degrees in here, the furnace is broken, and the tidy-bo man's playing ice hockey in the toilet.
I get that.
Listen to me, girls. We are going on a cruise to the Caribbean.
What?
Yes.
We're going where?
We just made the semi-shady deal with the travel agent.
I sell ten trips. I get to take my family free.
And all I need is one more person, and we're as good as sitting on those deck chairs.
Next, we'll go to some really bad-looking midwesterner.
Oh, my!
Can I go, Mr. David?
Of course not. This is a classic cruise.
Hey, guys, we got 24 hours to find some sucker with $400.
I just got two weeks back pay.
Slasher.
Ahoy, matey!
Yes!
We're going again!
["Shake It Now"]
All right, you want to know what's shaking? The Elantra.
A sedan so well-built and worry-free, it comes with service and maintenance free.
Yes, free. In addition to the regular warranty, so about all you pay for is gas,
which makes owning anything else seem a little bit shaky, huh?
The Elantra from Honda. Yes, Honda.
Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What do you want with your fries?
The one-of-a-kind taste of McDonald's Big Mac or the big, beefy quarter-pounder with cheese.
Either way, in the McDonald's Extra Value Meal, you always get an order of world-famous fries and a Coke Classic.
But you gotta pick the burger.
Dominique, the lane was yours.
How'd you get inside?
Hey, what can I say?
Dominique, what do you want with your fries?
Hey, now there's a question.
What you want is what you get.
The Extra Value Meal.
At McDonald's today.
What do you want with your fries?
Daddy, we're going to go topside.
Okay, good. Oh, wait a minute, honey. Wait a minute.
Lionel, if you're gonna be in the sun, you need some sunblock, man.
Why don't you try some SPF 1000?
I'll skin my cures with my kitchen on fire and burn a hole right in the hull.
Hey, hey, show me.
All right, once more.
Okay. Oh, listen, honey, honey, if you're going all the way topside, no loogies, okay?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, knock that off. No kissing.
Sorry, Mr. D. Melissa, you heard your father. We have to skip the foreplay.
Hey, hey.
Dad, he's kidding.
Flash, I got an idea. We can have the captain of the ship marry you and me.
Marry you and me? Whoa, the three of us are gonna need a pretty big bed.
Oh, my stupid idiot.
This is a big mistake here.
Yo, Mr. D., look who's on board. It's Humpty.
Dumpty?
No, not the egg, the rapper.
Rapper? What?
What's up, kids?
Hey, how you doing? Hi.
Yo, Humpty's in the house.
Yo, what's up, huh? You guys are my favorite rappers.
I got all the digital underground records. You brothers got it going on.
Yo, thanks, man. That's real deaf for you. Appreciate that.
Yo, check this out. I even got the notes.
Uh-oh.
Otis! Otis, man, guess who I just saw?
Hey, I know. Humpty.
Dumpty?
Not the egg, man. The... Never mind.
No, man. The sports digestant, slip suit, Melissa.
Oh, gentlemen, we must bear in mind that we represent the greater Cedar Bluffs School District while we're abroad.
Talk about abroad.
No, no, no, no, no, no. You're right, Roscoe. We must maintain the dignity of the teacher profession.
Yeah.
You're right. Come on. Absolutely right.
I'm sorry.
Ha-ha! Just as I thought. Look at the cabin he got.
Whoa! Look at the size of this place. Come on, guys.
Roscoe! Here's the ocean!
Oh, my God, give me a break, man.
Come on, guys. Now, I know this looks like a break room, but I got my problems here, too.
Do this. Do this.
Smell that stench? I think I'm right next to some livestock, man.
Oh, I smell that stench, but it's not coming from next door. You spread it right here.
Hey, come on.
Right, Otis. We got cabins down on the lowest deck.
Yeah, way down. My room is so low, Jacques who stole Tag and released me.
Otis Jackson, you are the most reprehensible, double-dealing, flim-flamming jive artist on the face of this planet.
Come on, George, why don't you matter?
Because you're not telling me anything I don't already know.
Thanks a lot, guys. Nice to know how your best friends feel about you.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
You would not believe who is next door to us. Johnny! Andreas!
Andreas!
Shut your mouth!
Johnny, it's Andreas!
What is she talking about? Who's next door to us?
Teen priest. He's in all the magazines.
Wait a minute. The cat who tinnished you from his wedding two days ago.
The entire world is looking for him, and the man is right next door to us. Oh, my God!
Shh!
Oh, no.
You sound like Cap Lloyd City to me.
That's right, Johnny. Andreas in the flesh.
Can't lie at all.
Look, look, I've got hard copy on the other frequency.
You're going to have to top $5,000 to beat their offer.
$500 from a Cap Lloyd?
Wait a minute, man. You're not talking to some loser who gets messages from Elvis in his alphabet suit.
No, no, no. Just hold on a minute.
Suppose I give you a photo of him and the mystery woman he brought on board.
Oh, and if she didn't bring on the mystery woman, I will find her.
Yeah.
Are you crazy?
$30,000?
Sir, you just bought yourself the hottest news photo of the year. Congratulations.
All right, thank you very much.
Yeah, over and out.
Shift to short, 10-4.
Yeah, goodbye. Goodbye.
Where are you going, man?
I'm going to find myself a nice bottle of Lifeboat Power because we going down.
What's the worst part of treating your worst colds?
A cold medicine that leaves me spacey.
Oh, it's a cold medicine that can vaunt me out.
I hate that.
It's like I'm off into ozone somewhere.
Gross, spacey.
If it could help stop the cough and the fever, but not stop me from getting to work, that'd be great.
First Sudafed cough cold and food tablet, and it has nothing but maximum strength ingredients.
All that and it won't knock me out?
Perfect.
Today, Pepsi announced a new slogan.
Mere words, or is the taste of Pepsi so big, America's really got to have it?
Got to have it. It's something I felt for years but never had the words to express.
If it's so popular, how come everybody's drinking it?
Henry's only regret is that he started drinking Pepsi this late in life.
The phrase, got to have it, strikes a chord deep in the human psyche.
Now that everybody's got to have it, Pepsi's not going to need celebrity endorsers anymore.
And that's what I've been saying all along.
I won't wear anything without Cross Your Heart.
Cause Cross Your Heart has cross-shaping. So I always look better, whatever I wear.
Playtex Cross Your Heart Bra.
Don't wear anything without Cross Your Heart.
From Playtex.
The fit that makes the fashion.
Tonight on Fox News, the bottom line on breast implants and their potential dangers.
Important information coming up tonight.
Plus, where to find the best bargains on parts for your car, including stereo equipment.
In our special series, Such a Deal.
And 90210 fans, listen up. We're going to be talking to Jason Priestley about his hit show at 10.
How to build a better body.
Step one. Come to Bally's.
Step two. Prepare to sweat.
Step three.
Step Reebok.
Join Bally's now for only $18 a month.
Pay as you go with no long-term commitment.
Get it all, plus the Step Reebok workout.
This ain't no dance class.
Call 1-800-WORKOUT.
Look, Oudis, your plan is crazy.
We need one photograph of Johnny baptizing some chick on the lips and we're in for a quick, cool fortune.
Yeah? While his big goo squeezes us, then we make a slow, warm puddle.
We're gonna get in near him, man. Are you kidding? No. No.
Right, Oudis?
Here's the camera, okay? Now, when Johnny comes out of there, I want you to follow him around.
If you can't seem to kiss a girl on the mouth, take a picture of it and run like him, okay? Go. Go.
Oudis, what about the big E? He's not gonna hit a little kid.
I don't think.
Okay, man, how are you gonna find some girls?
Yeah, Mr. D, this is the best I can do on a short notice.
Oh, good. Good.
Mr. D, this is Minnie. This is...
Hey, Maxie, right?
Okay, Kenny told you what to do?
Yeah, just have to take a picture.
Yeah.
Do you think this look will do?
Ah, couldn't find anything sexier, huh?
I'll tell you, we're all pressed for time, so this'll have to do, okay? 20 bucks apiece, right?
The short fella said 100 bucks apiece.
Ah.
All right, it's 200.
No, 400.
That's what I call a financial cushion.
Mr. Andreas, sir, you have some gifts.
He's just a bait.
Lionel, come on.
Hey, you.
Whoa!
Hey, you!
Hey, you better not let him go!
I think that's a $50 camera for him.
All right, shut up, you big idiot.
Put him down, Marco.
Put him in the left-of-the-combo.
Give him back his camera for keeping film.
All right, everybody, come on.
The show's over. Let's break it up, huh?
So, you wanted to meet me.
Me? No.
You don't want to meet anybody who hangs out with big goons and hurt kids.
Oh, you've got some spunk. I like that.
Are you Johnny Andreas?
No. Hi, I'm Johnny Andreas.
I'm a teen priest.
I know who you are.
He never misses an episode of your show.
Only because I'm in every single episode of my show.
You mean the two-hour one where you listen to the senators' confessions?
You know, after hearing all those senators' confessions, I had to go to confession myself.
And I think after meeting you, I just may have to go again.
Melissa, don't you think maybe an introduction is due here?
Oh, splash, don't be silly. You know he's Johnny Andreas.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, wait a second here. Wait a second. You're not hitting on my babe, dude, are you?
Because I thought all you priests were, uh, cellulite.
Absolutely. Completely cellulite.
Nothing.
Not even...
Oh, bummer, dude.
Man, you must be tense. I'm talking real, industrial tense.
Well, if you'll excuse me.
I think I'll be seeing you around, young Lee.
It's not a big ship.
I see an interesting picture developing here.
Don't you know those jobs, said Donio? Don't know those jobs.
Now the black girl wants to get her lips up. She says,
I'm a good lips, so I'm a clean figure.
The white girl says, my hips are not big enough.
And yo, Zach and Jack the collagen to make my lips bigger.
All of these still cost 11,000, selling millions of records,
claiming no responsibility. Young girl sees you on a TV show.
She's only six, says, mama, I don't like my nose.
I said, Donio, don't, don't know those jobs. Donio, don't know those jobs.
Donio, don't, don't know those jobs. Donio, don't know those jobs.
Donio, don't know those jobs.
Go, DJ, go, DJ, go, DJ, go, DJ, go, DJ, go, DJ, go, DJ.
Everybody say, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Everybody say, go, Humpty, go, Humpty, go. Go, Humpty, go, Humpty, go.
Okay, okay, 8 o'clock, shuffleboard, 8.30, Kino, 9 o'clock, volleyball.
Before we skip the volleyball, you can just jump up and down for me.
Mr. Drexler, we've completed our surveillance of the 17th Star and your daughter.
Yeah, what'd he say?
Melissa's meeting Johnny on the moonlight deck at 10 o'clock tonight.
Where'd you get your information?
The ladies room.
What?
Lionel's mother still takes him.
There's an advantage to looking like you're five when you're 11.
Lionel, I'm proud of you, son.
There you go.
Melissa, give us a minute.
Thanks.
I honestly didn't think you'd come.
Well, I have to admit, I was kind of awestruck that some big celebrity would be interested in someone like me.
Just forget about all that celebrity stuff, okay?
That's what I run...
That's why I'm on this cruise.
Yeah, and what about your fiancee? She's lesser.
Hey, I did her a favor.
You did her a favor?
That's so self-centered.
Look, the only reason I came up here was to give you a piece of advice from someone who's about to become an ex-fan.
You don't have to behave like a teen priest or anything, but if you acted a little more like a human being, I think it would do you good.
Melissa, I agree with you 100%.
The Johnny Andreas you're talking about is someone that the tabloids invented.
I'm decent. I'm real.
And I want to be with someone who's decent and real.
Like you.
Someone who comes from a real place.
Like...
Iowa?
Like Iowa.
You believe me?
Uh-huh.
Wait, okay.
I'm real flattered by this and everything, but I have someone that I really love, and I think this should stop right now.
No.
You've been up a great chance.
My lips, locked with yours, a breathless kiss under a full moon.
Yes!
Actually, it's only a half moon.
Not if we hold it for two weeks.
Two weeks.
Melissa, get that guy!
Dad!
Dad?
Hey, hey, hey, I'm just getting a little ocean shot.
Hey, hey, hey!
Melissa, it's okay.
Wait a minute.
Come on, come on.
What's the matter with you?
What are you doing?
Big goon.
What are you going to do?
Are you going to sell this to a sleazeball tabloid?
I just might do that if it's any of your business.
Dad, this is the worst thing you've ever done.
I'm embarrassed to be your daughter.
Please, you don't understand.
Just wait till next summer when you're in school in Switzerland.
Then you'll understand.
You're saying you're going to Switzerland?
That's right, pal.
What I wouldn't give to have a father like you.
I go back to Minnesota all my debt to you is about the money.
Daddy.
Look, do what you want with the picture.
It's not about the picture.
When I saw Melissa, I knew that I just had to say hello.
She seems so sweet and caring.
Obviously, your daughter.
Because I want you both to know that I forgive you.
And all this comes from an almost fatherless boy in Minnesota.
Daddy, you've got to give him that picture back.
He blessed us right here on the day.
It's my luck.
I meet my first Hollywood phony and he turns out to be a real guy.
Listen, if Melissa thinks you're great, that's good enough for me.
Here, take it.
Bless you, you schmuck.
What are you calling a schmuck?
He's calling you a schmuck.
I just wondered because the eyes...
I was born and raised in Beverly Hills, north of Sunset.
I've never been to Minnesota and I hope to God I never have to go.
Hey, no problems here, pal.
I'm done with her. She's all yours.
Hope you get further than I did. She's a nice person.
Malcolm, let's get a couple of bimbos and get on the chopper.
Hey, you want this picture?
Have a nice life in... where are you from? Idaho?
It's not Idaho.
It's... Iowa!
Daddy on the phone!
Come on, come on.
We've got the picture.
Does anyone know CPR?
I do.
Alright, get this out of here!
Good God! What the hell are you trying to do?
I was trying to keep you alive.
I'd rather be dead.
You know, to repair guys who are fixing the furnace, you probably suck down a few of the fumes.
I'm surprised it went through those tobacco pouches you call lungs.
We were worried about you.
Yeah, Mr. D, we thought you were done dead, dude.
Dreams. It was a cruise.
Oh, was it a nice cruise?
All of you guys were in the dream.
Hey there, Mr. Drexler, I think we found out what the problem was with your furnaces.
You got a little gas leak under your kitchen there.
They were in the dream, too. You were Humpty, and he was Teen Priest.
Teen Priest? What the hell is that?
Humpty? Never heard of him.
Hey, man, you probably like to be out for a while, pal.
You're a funny guy.
Listen, guys, thanks for coming over, but I think I need a little rest, okay?
Sure, Otis.
Yeah.
Okay.
We're in the center court with Andre Agassi versus David Wheaton.
Nice shoes.
Now, some technical difficulty.
Welcome to McDonald's. What do you want with your fries?
Whether you want the big, beefy quarter pounder with cheese with your world-famous fries
or the one-of-a-kind taste of McDonald's Big Mac,
add a Coke Classic and what you get is the Extra Value Meal.
So what's it gonna be?
With over 90% of the precincts in, we're projecting winners in all but one referendum.
What do you want with your fries still too close to call?
What you want is what you get
The Extra Value Meal
at McDonald's today
What do you want with your fries?
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You're watching the Fox Summer Games.
Don't go away, because in just a few moments,
we'll be switching back to Hawaii where daredevil Super Dave Osborne
will reveal the incredible record-shattering bicycle stunt he has planned for tonight.
That's right, we're talking world record here, folks.
Then, you'll be hitting the beach with the gang from 90210.
So stay tuned.
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But one thing stays the same.
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Tonight on Fox News...
I've become very jaded towards a lot of things here.
90210 star Jason Priestley talks about how his real life is different than his life on the show.
Welcome back to the magnificent Hawaiian Islands.
We're about ready to send Super Dave Osborne on a world record cycling excursion.
Super, are you ready?
Well, I am, Michael. I feel very good and I feel strong.
We just got a weather report that at Makapu Point there are headwinds.
So it may be tougher than I thought, but I feel great being in Hawaii is the best.
Okay, well good luck on the bicycle race.
Thank you very much. We're going to go right now to a special edition of 90210.
And I'll see you soon.
...
The Fox Summer Games are brought to you by Toyota.
L.J. Odom on the Toyota Corolla LE Extra Value Package.
I was drifting in the desert heat like a refreshing wind.
She swept me off my feet.
She filled my heart with salt.
And now she's done me wrong.
She shut me out by barely lifting a finger.
Life's got its ups and downs.
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Critics are toasting The Adventures of the Great Mouse Detective.
It's great for kids and adults, proclaims ABC.
Three and a half stars raves USA Today.
And Joel Siegel says it's magic.
Walt Disney Pictures' The Adventures of the Great Mouse Detective.
Rita G.
And from Hollywood Pictures.
We need help.
Don't you presume to tell me how to follow up?
It's Sean Connery in the year's biggest adventure.
I found a cure for the plague of the 20th century and now I've lost.
Medicine Man, rated PG-13 and The Adventures of the Great Mouse Detective, each playing separately.
Previously on 90210.
Everybody talks about sex like it's no big deal.
And it is a big deal.
Things are happening too fast.
What are you saying?
I need to break up with you.
And now, 90210.
Now the DWP is encouraging the public to use this room.
I'm all packed.
I still can't find my blue shirt.
Honey, I'm sure I saw it in your drawer.
No, I already checked.
Dad, actually I wore that shirt to the beach last week.
Brenda, why do you have to wear my shirts?
Because they look great.
Girl and a guy's shirt, Dad.
There's nothing like it.
My God, that's Dylan's dad.
Turn it up.
By federal marshals.
Jack McKay, who was facing imminent extradition, has been indicted on 23 counts of federal income tax evasion.
The smartest thing she ever did was break up with that guy.
Arlinda Grayson was on the scene.
For the past decade, the name Jack McKay was synonymous with big business in Los Angeles.
There's only a matter of time before they caught up with that crook.
Dad, he's innocent until proven guilty.
Does he look innocent to you?
A millionaire told the court that his liabilities exceed his assets by as much as $6 billion.
McKay's assets have been seized.
Hi, you know what to do after the beeper rooney.
It's me, Brenda.
Are you okay?
Dylan.
Dylan, please pick up.
The tropical storm off the Baja Coast is picking up some wicked sets this morning.
The Coast Guard reports small craft advisories from Point Conception to the Mexican border.
Malibu Beach reports three to five foot waves, good to excellent shade.
Santa Monica reports four to five foot breakers, excellent shade.
Zuma reports eight foot swells from the southwest.
So buckle up for safety and party hard.
Hey, man.
Hey, buddy.
Figured I'd see you this morning. It's pretty fresh in out there.
Yeah, summer storm, nature's gift to surf bumps.
You gonna be dangling later?
I don't know, depends how the waves hold up.
Brenda's been looking for you, man.
We, uh, saw the news.
Yeah, finally caught up with the old man.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, B, don't worry about it, man. He's paying the best lawyers in L.A. to do that.
And what about you? You all right?
Are you kidding?
Surf's up.
Mother, I will not let you use that. It doesn't have any sunblock in it.
Oh, honey, I've given up every vice in the world. Don't take away my tan.
Well, you didn't work this hard to clean up your act to see you could drop dead a skin cancer.
Yes, Mother.
You know, without a margarita to play with, sitting on a lounge chair is really dreadful.
Well, you must not be facing the right direction.
Where?
Maybe there is one more good vice left.
Hmm, check him out.
Not bad.
What do you think about him?
Yeah, well, you can still afford to be picky.
Now, that is more like it.
See? I thought you guys were history.
Not Steve, Mother.
You know, I'm not going to be picking on you.
Kyle Connor.
Youth is definitely wasted on the young.
Well, mystical surf wizard, what does your wisdom tell us about these massive sets of destruction?
I think we're in for a serious pounding.
Anybody who will go out in them has got to be the loony.
So when's his father's arraignment?
I don't know.
Will he postpone?
Andrea, I don't know any more than you do.
Yeah, but Brenda, don't you talk to anyone?
We broke up, remember?
Yeah, I know, but I thought at a time like this...
No, Andrea, Dylan likes to talk. He can call me.
Um...
William Shakespeare wrote his first play in 1590.
Does anyone know what it was?
Yes, Andrea.
Andrea. Uh, Henry VI?
Right, very good, Andrea.
Shakespeare followed that big hit with the world's first sequel.
Anybody know what it was called?
Donna, how about you tell us?
Um, Henry VI part two?
She's right.
You know, in Shakespeare's day, men performed all the parts.
Fortunately, things have changed.
And to honor the bard, we're all going to try some scenes from Shakespeare this week.
Shakespeare? I thought this class was supposed to be fun.
Come on, Macbeth. King Lear, Hamlet.
Well, it was good enough for Mel Gibson.
So which of you ingenues would like to try the role of Juliet?
Donna.
Me?
Yes, you. And for your partner?
The teen heartthrob of all time? Let's see.
Never was there a story of more woe than this of Donna...
and her Romeo.
See something interesting?
Just picking up on some of the finer points.
What, the game or Kyle?
Nice serve.
Thanks.
Um, the ball?
It'll cost you.
Well, what'd you have in mind?
How about some private lessons?
All right. All right, you got it. Private lessons starting tomorrow, early.
Groovy.
Can I have my ball back now?
Oh, sure.
Are we playing or what?
I remember groping my way through Shakespeare in high school.
I was Lady Macbeth in the class play.
You weren't.
Out, damn spot. Out, I say.
Who'd have thought the old pot to have so much dirt in her?
It's a joke.
You know, Macbeth killed the king and there was all this blood and...
Forget it.
I'll get that.
Hello?
Uh, no, Brandon's not here, is this?
Well, where is he? What happened?
What is it?
All right, we'll be right there.
It's Dylan. He was surfing. There was an accident. He's in the hospital.
Oh, my God. Is he all right?
I don't know.
Come on.
I'm sure he'll be all right.
Dylan?
How did you know?
When you were unconscious, the paramedics found Brandon's name upon a murder car.
You scared me.
It was awesome.
Really awesome? Look at you.
You're lucky to be alive.
I'm fine. You look like an angel.
I called you last night. Why didn't you call me back?
I couldn't talk to anybody.
Not even me?
I'm sorry I didn't answer the phone.
Dylan, does your dad know?
Yes, lawyers were here earlier. Somebody had to give him permission to treat me.
I need you, Brandon.
I know.
Everything's gonna be all right.
You're gonna be out of here in no time. I better go.
Don't leave.
You need your rest. The doctor said so.
Brenda?
How's he doing?
Okay, I guess.
Well, the doctor said it's just a mild concussion and a few cracked ribs, but they want to keep him here for a few days because there's no one to take care of him at home.
So I told them we'd take him home with us.
Dylan, I broke up, remember? I can't have him living in our house.
Brenda, I couldn't just leave him here alone in the hospital. And he's Brandon's friend, too.
Okay, it's just for a few days. Let's go.
Bugsy, nominated for more Academy Awards than any film.
Ten, including best picture, best actor, best director, and best screenplay.
Bugsy, rated R, now playing.
I wish it were darker so they couldn't see my skin.
Pitch black would be nice.
Relax. You wash every day with noxema and nothing else.
He is so cute.
It's better than soap.
It dissolves oil without over drying.
Soap doesn't.
I want to tell you that I really look great.
Thanks. For healthy looking skin, you face belongs to noxema.
What kind of food are those?
These are good.
Is this the marshmallow stuff?
No.
Sugar with a crisp corn crunch. Kicks. Kid tested. Mother approved.
Your life was crafted from the finest materials under strict quality control.
Yours may exhibit variations in color, texture, and appearance.
New lives require a breaking in period. Consult your owner's manual.
Battery life may vary.
Caution. There is no rewind or fast forward. Only pause and play.
Getting here.
First, my dad took me to the opening ceremony.
And now figure skating.
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I had the best seat in the house.
Tomorrow night, 90210 continues with another Back to the Beach episode.
That's right, another 90210. Part of the Fox Summer Games tomorrow night.
Oh, Brenda, would you take this up to Dylan for me, please?
Sorry, Mom, it was your idea. I'm the complainancy nurse.
Brenda!
What do you want, Mom? You first you and Dad tell me not to sleep with him, then you tuck him in the next bedroom?
Well, where are you going?
Out.
Sorry I'm taking your room over, man.
Oh, that's all right, Jones. I hope I'll be fine.
Ow.
Gets a couple busted ribs are God's way of telling you you're grounded, huh?
Yeah, that's funny. I'd laugh except it hurts.
What exactly happened out there, man?
I was stupid. Tube started to close out on me, I got jacked from behind. Should have seen it coming.
Well, you got a lot on your mind. It has nothing to do with my dad, Signet.
Oh, that's right. Nothing ever gets to you, huh?
Dinner.
Hey, Mom, come on in.
Roast chicken with rosemary, broccoli au gratin, some new potatoes, and chocolate mousse pie for dessert.
Wow. Yeah, wow.
While taking care of somebody brings out my nesting instincts and my queesing heart.
Is Brenda around?
Brenda? Oh, no, I think, I think she went out.
She's not exactly thrilled with my being here.
Well, you know how she is when she makes her mind up about something.
Yeah. You wouldn't call her stubborn, would you?
Stubborn? Brenda? No. No.
No.
You have some dinner and just try to get some sleep.
Oh, sure. Yeah. Mrs. Walsh.
Yes?
Um, I've forgotten how nice it is to have a family to take care of you when you're sick.
This is very nice. Thank you.
That's okay. She can't help herself.
We all just want you to get well.
What about El Padrino?
Oh, don't worry about him. He's cool.
Brandon, your dad has a lot of things. Cool is not one of them.
Honey, I'm telling you, you're asking for trouble.
I didn't have any choice. He didn't have anywhere to go.
Doesn't the kid have a mother?
No, she lives in Hawaii.
Well, let him go to Hawaii.
Jim, you are not being reasonable.
I am being reasonable. I'm thinking about Brenda.
Brenda's fine.
Well, just lock her door.
Jim, the boy can't even move.
He can move. When it comes to Brenda, he can move.
Hamlet, huh?
To be a bitch or not to be a bitch, that is the question.
I wouldn't say you've been a bitch.
Then again, you haven't said a word to him, and he has been here all day.
I thought that we could stay friends, but that's before he moved in.
Let's go talk to him. Say goodnight or something.
Brandon, this is between Dylan and me.
You know, he's right. You are stubborn.
I am not stubborn.
Come on in.
No.
You're avoiding me?
Dylan, I made a promise to myself.
I need this time.
Brenda, how am I going to get through this without you?
You are the only one that I trust.
I'm not ready.
I need to think things out to be sure about what I want.
Don't make me beg, Brandon. I won't.
Dylan, I'm sorry. I can't.
Can't what?
I can't do this.
I can't.
Oh, no.
Did you go first?
No, it was harder for you to get out of bed, Con.
It's your bathroom, though.
You can have it.
You sure?
Yeah, I'll wait.
Okay. Thanks.
Okay.
Goodnight. Again.
Goodnight.
You did good at the spikes.
This is a little harder. Put your arms together like that.
Parallel. You got it.
Oh, my Lord.
Good. You're getting better.
I'll do one more.
Kelly doesn't get up at the crack of dawn for just anybody, Steve.
That's a summer fling. He can have her.
You know, Kyle told me he had a girlfriend at Beverly,
but she might be transferring to West Beverly.
You don't say, huh?
Well, maybe Kelly Taylor can have everything she wants.
Ouch.
What's wrong?
Oh, I don't know. I think I hit the ball wrong or something.
Why don't you shake it off?
It hurts.
Let me see.
That's much better.
You know, you have beautiful hands.
Thank you.
Kelly, I was wondering,
would you feel like getting together sometime?
You mean off the court?
Yeah.
Like a date?
Yeah, I guess so.
I thought you'd never ask.
Well, how about tonight?
Okay, cool. Give me a call.
Okay, great.
Kelly, did you know he's got a girlfriend?
Steve, did you know you're being a jerk?
He's playing with your mind.
Oh, that'd be a welcome change, wouldn't it?
The sweet bells, jingled out of tune and harsh.
That unmatched form and stature of blown youth,
blasted with ecstasy.
Oh, woe is me to see what I have seen, what I see.
Yeah!
All right, great.
I don't know, Brenda, that was pretty terrific.
You really understand Ophelia.
Maybe it's because I'm sharing a bathroom with Hamlet.
All right, class, that'll be it for today.
Tomorrow we're moving on to Fair Verona,
where we lay our scene,
and the pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.
David, Donna, I hope you're ready.
So, what do you feel like tonight?
Chinese or sushi?
Mom, I kind of have plans for dinner.
A date?
Yeah, Kyle finally asked me out.
Great, so tell me about this Kyle.
What is he, Mr. Super Junk?
Well, he's the best volleyball player I know,
and he plays wide receiver on West Beverly's football team.
Sounds like he has very good hands.
He's not like that.
Not yet, anyway.
But I really like him.
Good.
At least one of us is having some fun.
Mom, you're never going to meet anybody
if you just keep sitting up here at the cabana all the time.
I know.
But it's going to take me a while before I remember
how to be sexy and charming without being inebriated.
Well, it's like volleyball, you just need a little practice.
Honey, I've had 20 years of practice.
I think I'll just lay low,
let you be the social butterfly this summer.
I'm really proud of you, Mom.
One day at a time.
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Oh, uh, shall I hear more or shall I speak of this?
You shall stop.
God, I can't bear this anymore.
You have got to be the worst Romeo I've ever seen.
Well, you're no Sandra Bernhardt.
You mean Sarah Bernhardt.
Well, yeah, her too.
You know, I resent that, David.
This is all your fault. You stink at this.
Well, we're both going to be humiliated here.
Well, not me.
You can be totally humiliated all by yourself because I quit.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Mom!
I'm home.
I'm shopping.
Nobody's here?
Just me and Oprah.
Do you need anything, a soda or something?
Yeah, that'd be great.
Your mom said there are some sandwiches in the refrigerator.
Okay.
An apple.
Okay.
Anything else?
Could I get a blanket?
I'll get it.
And my book's on that table right over there.
Will that be all?
Just one more thing.
What?
You.
Dylan.
Ow.
I'm sorry.
Another hardest thing I ever had to do was trying to stay away from you.
What the hell is going on?
Dad, this is not what you think.
It isn't? It sure looks like it is.
Mr. Walsh, I can explain.
There's nothing to explain.
Except maybe why you decided to take advantage of our hospitality
by taking advantage of my daughter.
Dad, it's not like that at all.
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Come on, honey, it hasn't run since high school.
Oh, my God.
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The bad boys at comedy hit the beach.
Nature's loss is your gain at fast tanning Club Ozo.
On In Living Colors, an all-new episode, Sunday.
Super Dave Osborne attempts a whirl of cycling records, so stay tuned.
Beverly Hills 90210 is brought to you in part by Toyota.
You can hitch a ride on a comet.
You can body surf a landslide.
You can hand glide from an eagle.
You can book a flight on a lightning bolt.
Or you can drive the 1992 Toyota 4x4.
And get it all.
You know what I hate? My mother-in-law?
Actually, she's great.
What I hate is getting my eye makeup off every night,
rubbing with soap and water,
which is why I switched to Almay eye makeup removers.
They take it all off quickly and gently,
and even put on moisturizers and conditioners.
Truth is, I'm not that crazy about my mother-in-law.
Almay, why would I use anything else?
And why would you?
I don't care if he hears me.
It's my house and my daughter.
I told you there would be trouble.
Jim, they were just kissing.
It was a little more than that,
and if I hadn't walked in, it would have gone a lot further.
Jim, listen to yourself. What about us?
We were older.
Well, still, we said we were going to trust Wenda.
Yeah, that was before Don Juan moved in.
You're overreacting.
When is he leaving?
Doctor said he needs at least five days at risk.
Okay, he's been here three, right?
Yeah.
Another couple of days, and then that's it.
Don, I'm sorry.
It's not your fault, Brad.
You know, I always thought you were the hottest girl at West Beverly.
Well, then why didn't you ever ask me out?
I would have gone out with you in a second.
Well, we're here now.
True.
Kyle, is it true that you're dating a girl at Beverly Hillside?
We broke up.
How come?
It was getting too serious.
I can relate to that.
Do you want to have some fun of the not-so-serious kind?
Like what?
Follow me.
Come on, Kyle, don't be shy.
What are you doing?
Wibble-wibble.
Yeah.
Kelly, you're going to freeze out there.
No, I won't.
I'm not going to get my hair wet unless you come in.
Come on.
Forget it.
Give me a towel, would you?
Oh, thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeet.
Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look, Kelly...
That's okay.
There's a lot we can do on dry land.
What?
I'm sorry, Kelly.
I'm not into this.
What do you mean?
I thought you liked me.
I do, Kelly.
You're great, but...
But what?
I don't know.
I mean, you're coming on pretty strong.
Okay, I guess Steve was right.
So you're totally playing mind games with me, right?
Look, Kelly, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.
What did you expect me to think?
You asked me out here.
Fine.
I feel like such a fool.
Kelly, I'm sorry.
Take me home.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Kelly.
I'm sorry.
You're satisfied.
What?
Dylan's gone.
He left.
Are you happy now?
Brenda!
Where are you going?
To find him.
And what'd I do to say I'm sorry for having a father that's such a jerk?
Brenda!
Kyle!
I hear you had a hot day with Kelly last night.
So?
Did you go for it?
Yeah, we had a good time.
Oh, yeah? How good?
Hey, man, he's up, all right?
I'm just curious.
You guys make a great couple.
We're not a couple.
Hold on a second, handsome.
You mean you passed up an opportunity with Kelly Taylor?
What happened?
Nothing.
All right, Steve, nothing happened.
Is that what you want to hear?
Kelly.
Kelly, please, let's talk.
I don't feel like talking.
Summer fling over so soon?
Good luck, Steve.
I already told you I'm not doing it.
Donna, you can't just quit or you'll get an F on the project.
Yeah, well, chances are we can.
As a partner, I'll get an F even if I don't quit.
I know how to put this over, Donna.
Maybe even get us an A.
How?
No way.
Oh.
Not until you apologize and admit that you're just as bad as I am.
Okay, I'm sorry, okay?
And I'm just as bad as you are there.
You know what your plan is?
Come with me.
Come on.
I went to the condo, I went to the hotel, nobody knows where he is.
Okay, thanks.
Yes, we'll call if we hear anything.
Did Dylan say anything to you two about spending the summer with his mother in Hawaii?
Not me.
Me either.
Well, after his father turned himself in, it seems Dylan's mother made
arrangements for him to spend the summer with her in Hawaii.
I mean, the morning of his accident, he was supposed to be on a plane.
Nobody's heard from him.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I feel like I can't even see.
I'm very scared for this world.
I'm very scared for me.
You can't erase your memory.
Here's the scene, you're in the backseat laying down the way.
Dylan, come on out here, son.
You're missing all the fun.
See you right here, Dad.
Don't drop me, Daddy, don't drop me.
I'll never drop you, son.
I promise.
I'll always be here for you.
I'll never let you fall.
I'll always be here for you.
I'll never let you fall.
I'll always be here for you.
I'll never let you fall.
They think they're so grown up, but they're not big enough.
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This sign is unmistakable.
So are these.
In one easy step, Fact Plus will show you a plus if you're pregnant,
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If this movie doesn't touch your heart, then you just don't have one.
It's about real bravery.
And real hero.
It hits home.
Once you see it, you will feel it.
You live these little boys' lives.
It brings me back 25 years.
Once you feel it, you will never forget it.
Really touched me.
Fabulous.
Powerful.
You got to go see it.
Radio Flyer.
Powered by Imagination.
Ready at PG-13 at theaters Friday.
It comes as no surprise that Cracker Barrel Cheddar has won yet another gold medal for taste.
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Judge to be the best.
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Now if Murphy's Oil Soap is good enough to clean this house, it's surely good enough to clean yours.
The Bundys are going to Florida.
Let me get that lizard there for you.
For a weekend of love.
Let's change.
Unmarried with Children, part of the Fox Summer Games Sunday.
Tomorrow night, 90210 continues with another Back to the Beach episode.
That's right, another 90210, part of the Fox Summer Games tomorrow night.
Yikes.
Where's the elevator?
Whoa.
I'll wait in the bus.
It's been called the toughest workout on Earth.
Step Reebok.
Nobody can make you do it.
You just have to be one of those people who believes that hard work will be rewarded.
This is so cool.
Every day this winter, you see some things rising and some things falling.
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I'm going to go get some coffee.
I'll be right back.
I'm going to go get some coffee.
Dylan.
Hey.
The boys were looking all over for you, man.
What are you doing here?
I just needed a place to crash.
You can't crash here.
Henry will call the cops.
Come on.
Hey.
It used to be your cabana?
Yeah.
My parents got divorced when I was about six.
The marks stopped, so did everything else.
One last trip down memory lane, huh?
Come on.
So how come you weren't on that plane to Hawaii?
How'd you know about that?
My mom talked to the lawyer.
Your mom's worried about you.
Yeah, she's the last person I want to see right now.
She's your mom, man.
She loves you.
Brandon, your mom was always there when you needed her.
Mine wasn't.
She was too busy out finding herself.
Come on.
She can't be all that dead.
Man, she's a flake.
Aside from the occasional whacked out late night phone call, I don't have anything to do with it.
Then I would like to keep it that way.
Well, sooner or later, you're going to have to see her, Dylan.
You can't avoid your mom forever.
Dylan, man, didn't expect to see you up and around.
Yeah, well, my convalescence was cut short.
Yeah, hey, we got a game waiting whenever you're ready.
All right.
See you later.
All right, man.
Kelly.
Look, what do you want?
Kelly, please, just...
Forget it, Kyle.
I don't want to forget it, Kelly.
I'm sorry about what happened.
I didn't mean to insult you or hurt you.
Look, I came on too strong, right?
Don't make this any more embarrassing for me than it already is.
Kelly, believe me, it's not you.
I mean, I think you're beautiful.
But I'm not your type.
I don't even know what my type is.
Maybe I'm still thinking about my old girlfriend.
I don't know.
So where does that leave us?
I really like you, Kelly.
I want us to be friends.
All right.
Okay.
Look, I'm getting the game together.
You want to play?
Sure.
Brenda, how many times do I have to tell you,
you put the dinner plate with the dinner plate...
I know how to load a dishwasher.
...and then you put the bowls with the bowls,
and that way you get a lot more room,
you can get a lot more in there, you know?
I mean, come on, Brenda, there's a right way and a wrong way to do things.
And then there's the wash way.
I'm not talking about dishes, Dad.
So far, the wash way of raising kids has worked pretty well.
Maybe we're done being raised.
You think so?
You didn't have to throw him out, Dad.
I didn't throw him out.
You might as well have.
I told him he could stay until he was well.
You did not!
You told him he had to leave in two days.
How do you think that made him feel like he had to sleep on a beach?
I know you care about him.
I do, Dad.
I have to help him. Please help me.
Okay, okay.
It's gonna be all right.
Well, I'll take care of him.
We will?
You just gotta understand, Brenda.
One minute you're my little girl,
and then all of a sudden you're taking pregnancy tests.
Things are moving kind of fast for your old man.
Oh, maybe I'm not your little girl anymore.
You'll always be my little girl.
Ow, Steve!
Steve, what is your problem?
Man, what's the deal here?
Hey, this is an A game.
If she can't take the heat, then she shouldn't play.
You know what your problem is, Sanders?
You just don't know when you give up.
I suggest you get off me.
Mr. Macho, right?
You get a cheap first shot,
and you can't even make it with Kelly Taylor?
What kind of guy are you?
For your information, Steve, I was with Kyle last night,
and he was wonderful.
In every way you can imagine.
David, Donna, come on.
Let's get this show on the road.
Okay, we're ready.
Okay, and curtains.
Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name,
or if thou will not be but sworn my love,
and I will no longer be a Capulet.
Shall I hear more,
or shall I speak as this?
If thy name that is my enemy,
then I shall be your enemy.
And if thou will not speak,
then I shall be your enemy.
And if thou will not speak,
then I shall be your enemy.
Then that is my enemy.
But what's in a name
that which we call a rose by any other name
but command is sweet.
Call me but love,
and I'll be new baptized.
Henceforth,
I never
will be Romeo.
Romeo.
Uh-huh.
Divine, David.
Simply divine.
And Donna,
no Romeo ever looked quite so good in tights.
You went for the easy laugh.
A total cop-out.
But very funny.
Well, I have to admit,
it was all David's idea, really.
Oh, well, that's very clever of you.
I'm glad you're happy.
Oh, well, that's very commendable, David.
But don't quit your day job just yet.
And you're going to do this again.
Both of you.
Only next time, uh,
do it straight.
You know, you didn't have to cover for me back there.
Hey, it's cool.
I'm not the kind of girl who kiss and tell.
Or not kiss and tell.
Kelly, about the other night,
there's something I want to tell you.
Look, you don't owe me any explanations.
Something I've never told anyone.
What?
Kelly,
I've never slept with a girl before.
So you were a virgin.
It's no big deal.
No, you don't get it.
Look, Kelly,
I've never slept with a girl before.
I don't know if I want to.
You mean you're gay?
No.
I don't know, Kelly.
I just know that I wish I would have been attracted to you.
My life would be a lot less confusing right now.
Look, um,
I don't want anybody to know about this, all right?
Sure, I understand.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I trust you.
Oh.
So the other night you were just kind of
testing yourself?
Yeah, I guess so.
That's why I picked the most beautiful girl on the beach.
So, I mean, it's not like you've
turned me down for anything, right?
No, I'm not.
I'm just saying,
I'm not going to turn you down for anything, right?
That's right.
I can handle that.
Dylan, I just talked to my old man.
He wants me to bring you home.
Forget it, he threw me out.
You almost had a change of heart.
Dude, I know when I'm not wanted, okay?
Dylan,
if I don't bring you home with me,
Brenda will never forgive my father.
Ever.
I said never ever.
I saw Dylan's car parked out front.
Hold on, honey. Father's talking to him in the living room.
You're kidding.
Whatever you said worked.
Is he staying?
Well, I don't know.
Let's just take it one meal at a time.
Sounds like your father
got himself into a lot of trouble.
Yeah.
My dad was always the man with the plan.
Now everything's gone.
Do you have any assets of your own?
My car.
Not much else.
Cash?
No.
There must be some
provisions made for your support.
Yeah.
I'm supposed to go to Hawaii and live with my mother.
In October, it'll be three years
since I've even seen her. I'm supposed to just walk in
and say, hi, Mom.
If it'll make you feel any better,
you're welcome to stay here
a little while longer
until you sort things out.
I appreciate that. Thank you.
I'm sorry I lost my temper
the other day.
For a long time now, I've been
the only man in Brenda's life.
It's hard for me
to accept her growing up.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
Why do you always act like I'm not good enough for her?
Dylan, I haven't been
very fair with you.
You have to realize from where I stand,
nobody would have been good enough
for Brenda.
You know, they say that
girls always look for
guys who remind them of their fathers.
Let's not get carried away.
Have you talked to
your father? No.
He might be needing you right about now.
I don't know what to say to him.
Just be honest.
A long time ago, you made a promise to me.
You said you'd always be there,
that you'd never let me fall.
And along the way, even when things got rough
between us, deep down I believed you.
Deep down, I don't believe you anymore.
But it doesn't matter, because I still want
a father. And I hope
you want to have a son again.
Your loving son,
Dylan.
Dylan?
I just want to say good night.
Good night, Brenda.
Sleep well.