You're on the Sci-Fi Channel.
Here's what's next.
This is the Inside Space Report for Tuesday, September 10, 1996.
A space mission with a French accent.
Last month, French space-genote Claudet André De Hea blasted off for the Mir space station.
André De Hea, along with Mir 22 cosmonauts Valerie Corzon and Alexander Callery, joined
Shannon Lucid and the Mir 21 crew two days later.
It's really wonderful to be there.
It's great and I can say that really the dream is alive for me.
André De Hea's 14-day mission could be the last of France's short-term stays on Mir.
The French are now planning for six-month flights to prepare their space-genotes for
life aboard the International Space Station.
Inside Space, Friday nights at 10.30 and Sundays at 12.30.
This Inside Space Report is brought to you by Jeep.
Using the new special edition Jeep Cherokee Classic.
Hi, I'm Sally Kirkland and you're watching the Sci-Fi Channel.
Thank you.
We've seen a lot of God's miracles on our voyages through space together, Mr. Snorhud.
But I think she's the list.
Scientifically speaking, Captain, there is nothing miraculous about the human.
The chemical composition is actually 94% water, 2% carbon.
Mr. Snork, there are some things science simply cannot explain.
You, young man, you have been warned.
And this could just be one of them now.
Gentlemen, battle station.
Mr. Snork.
What is that?
Fascinating.
Scientifically, this is not possible.
We've seen a lot of God's miracles on our voyages through space together, Mr. Snork.
There is nothing miraculous about the human.
You may be an experienced publisher, but your publicist don't have a firm grasp on life
of the world.
I should be interviewed by Time, a newsweek economist, not read cheap periodicals that
celebrate gore.
I am deconstructing the foundations of modern mythology.
I know my book was called Satan's Sex Slaves, but that's not the point.
Would you plaster Irving Stone across Big Hooters Monthly because his book was called
The Agony and the Ecstasy?
You would?
What is the point in booking me to speak at a science fiction convention for some tawdry
sixties TV show?
You only be on 25th anniversary.
This is not my audience.
My audience is at the International Symposium for Mythological Research in the Bahamas,
which is where I should be.
All expenses paid.
Welcome on your new book, Agony and the Ecstasy.
No!
You're the guest we invite to Mordor Hotel.
I've got no business with you.
I absolutely, positively agree with you.
This is for the world.
Yes, he's thrilled.
Yes, he can't wait.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Beyond the Beyond.
What are you talking about?
Beyond the Beyond.
Come on, it's the single best television series ever made.
I've seen every episode about a hundred times.
I see you have a rich, rewarding childhood.
The darkest reaches of space.
The furthest boundaries of adventure.
One starship journeys into the unknown, exploring the mysteries that lie beyond the beyond.
We have to go.
We?
You don't really think that Beyond the Beyond fans have an abiding passion for mythology
for exploring the factual basis of legends?
Did you see the episode where Mr. Snork gets his brain stolen by Aphrodite?
I'm not going.
You can meet the stars.
I want to meet illustrious scholars.
You could find a whole new audience of eager readers.
I want to gain the admiration of my peers.
You can get a free room, all you can eat, and a big honorarium.
I want...
to meet the stars.
To embrace a whole new audience of eager readers.
I'll go pack.
Don't worry, I'm almost there.
That's what the Donner Party said.
Just before they asked, is anyone hungry?
Come on.
Would you relax?
We could possibly go wrong.
You'll have a great time.
Promise?
Yes.
One of these days.
Do you think we'll be able to find my car?
Not now, definitely in the spring.
Glad to see you still have your sense of humor.
Welcome, Earthling.
Your car wasn't very good to go.
And you didn't have to trek five miles through the blizzard,
carrying a two-ton valise.
I also didn't bring 50 copies of my book instead of a change of clothes.
The bare minimum.
Besides, you don't need a change of clothes if you intend to spend all your time in the sauna
sipping daffodils.
It's a shame that this blizzard doesn't let up.
My only solace is the possibility there might actually be people here
who appreciate the study of mythology
and embrace my systematic deconstruction of the Mephisto fallacy.
Hey, can't you do the hideous face-draught of ungluck in episode 13?
Randy?
I believe I was wearing a red shirt when we landed on Altaïr.
No, no, no. I was wearing the red shirt.
No, you weren't.
Well, I always wear the red shirt.
No, you had the week off. I had the red shirt.
Oh, yes, of course. It's quite right.
And what about when you landed on Borloff?
Now, the next question, but only one for customer, please.
Next.
Yes, the young lady.
Why do the nymphs of Zontar have six breasts?
Oh, oh, oh.
Uh, because, um...
Because they're young, uh, very hungry.
Next.
Ow!
Who are these lunatics?
You know, in the Dory chase,
the serial number of the Starship Explorer had been changed.
It was NCE-748.
Shouldn't it have been NCE-174F?
See, that's Conrad Stipe.
He's the creator of the ship.
These are all the world-famous stars of Beyond the Beyond.
In the week between episodes,
the ship was repainted by the Wallerts,
repulsive creatures who were notoriously bad at spelling.
You mean the washed-up has-beens?
Can you say that?
These people are the guests of honor at a convention
celebrating the 25th anniversary of their show.
Exactly.
What?
We're leaving as soon as the roads are possible.
But we just got here.
And I already fear for our sanity.
This is a convention for the mentally ill.
You're being too hard on these people.
Think of it as cultural appreciation
or a celebration of art.
For a limited time,
a genuine replica of Captain Pierce's conglomeration belt buckle
for only 20 pounds.
And the light works.
Wow.
Oh, be serious, Randy. It's just a piece of plastic junk.
It's your turn, young man. I was here first.
I have absolutely no interest in buying one of those.
I'll tell her.
You? Randy?
What are you doing here?
How much did you say this was?
20 pounds.
Yes. What are you doing here?
I'm being held against my will by the ravages of nature
and the ignorance of my publishers.
What's your excuse?
Where else can you get a Captain Pierce belt buckle?
Weren't you the hideous space sloth from Umbluck in episode 13?
No, I was not, you awful...
...beautiful young woman.
No, you weren't.
Ian Matheson, professor of mythology.
Nicolae Huston, if you want her autographed, it's five pounds.
Weren't you reduced to a cube and crushed?
No wonder.
Don't worry, it's not loaded.
It's not real.
It's just an incredibly detailed replica, a startling accuracy.
Of a Martian sprinkler.
No, silly.
It's the laser cannon the muckdurables of Pitchook use to defend their cloud city.
Of course, I should have recognized it immediately.
I'm Jim Minkler, grand high sorcerer of a beyond the beyond appreciation society.
Here, aren't you Professor Ian Matheson, author of The Face of Fear?
Why, yes, you know my work.
I know your face from your book cover.
You know, you look just like the guy who played the hideous space sloth of Umbluck.
For you, is this the laser cannon the muckdurables of Pitchook use to defend cloud city?
Yes.
Wow, that's great.
Good, isn't it?
Yeah.
I insist you charter a helicopter and get me out of here.
It's not my problem if it costs more than my book will ever make.
This is your force.
Hello?
Cowards hung up on me.
What am I going to do now?
I'll take you to start working on that speech.
What do I possibly have to say to these people?
Wait, how about it's only a TV show, yet a life?
There's no shame in seeing a psychiatrist.
This has fascinated scholars for years.
And so we must ask ourselves, are the interstitial matrices of the ethno-bio-centric underpinnings real or simply contrived?
Yes, it's an amusing little conundrum.
I see.
When I created this show 25 years ago, I thought it'd last 13 weeks and then disappear before I ever got a residual check.
The network had no idea what they had on their hands.
The first thing they said to me was, lose big nose, get us a guy with pointy ears.
And yes, despite low ratings and network incompetence, we made it through 67 episodes.
And now, thanks to you, the show is a bigger hit in reruns than it ever was.
Hey, you done already?
Mine can only take so many standarations.
And now, finally, we can show our appreciation to you, our loyal, devoted fans.
The darkest reaches of space, the furthest boundaries of adventure.
One Starship, journey into the unknown, exploring the mysteries that lie beyond the beyond.
I'm proud to announce, beyond the beyond, The Motion Picture, an all-new adventure with an all-new cast.
Is he?
He's dead, Jim.
Jack in to the dominion in the home of science fiction on the web.
Welcome to the edge.
She's a smart dresser.
Would it be too forward of me to say, whoa, baby girl?
She's a smart aleck.
I didn't get my mail yesterday, and I would just like to file a small complaint.
This fall, you can get smart.
Even Plato had to learn from Socrates, didn't he?
With Fran Dresser and Rhea Furlman, they're the crème de la femme.
You're really in love with yourself.
Sadly, it isn't reciprocated.
It's Comedy's Smartest Hour.
This is what they call slightly irregular.
The Nanny and Furl premiere this fall on CBS.
Hello, I'm Mary Major, and these are real people, not actors, who are taking advantage of PRN's exceptional psychics.
I'm about to find out how it's going.
Michelle, how was your pre-sample read?
It was excellent. I'm shocked.
Basically, all I told her was my name and my birth date. That's it.
And she told me everything else, and she made me believe her.
He was like, well, they could have been mother, mother to be, and I said, well, I am pregnant.
She told you things that nobody would know about you unless they knew you personally.
Exactly. I felt like she was just right with me and knew my life as soon as I picked up the phone.
It was nice. We laughed and everything.
She made you feel comfortable, and it was great. It was nice.
They told me everything about my life, every step that I'm going to take, and I didn't even tell them anything, just my name, my birth date.
She's just telling me everything from there.
Looks like you guys found the right people. For one, someone's found the right people.
For your pre-sample reading, call now, 1-800-799-0610.
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Watch, match, and you can win a 1997 Chevy Blazer or one of these other exciting prizes by playing the Weather Channel's No Weather No Limits game.
Look for an official game card in the September 28th issue of TV Guide.
Plus, you can enter a special sweepstakes from the Weather Channel in your cable company.
One lucky subscriber from this system will win a Magnavox Color TV.
Look for an entry form in your cable bill this month and mail it in right away.
Don't miss your chance to play and win.
You sure gave us quite a scare, young lady.
I don't know how to thank you, doctor.
You already did by getting Suzy the Medic Alert Bracelet.
It told us of Suzy's allergies and helped us provide the right treatment fast.
If you have allergies or take medications, call Medic Alert. It could save your life.
Call now for free information.
I don't understand it. I made it myself. It's just a hollow replica.
How did that get there?
I guess it was more authentic than you thought.
The storm is raging, the telephone lines are down, the roads are closed and the murderers are put.
A traitor to the conglomeration.
We're on our own, Watson.
Where's he in?
He said something about checking out and ran off.
What?
Be prosperous and multiply.
No.
Instead, I find it's a snake bit.
No, I was not.
Calm down.
Calm down? We are surrounded by maniacs and at least one of them is homicidal.
How long is this going to take?
Think.
Randy, I don't want to think. All I want to do is check out and get away from this madhouse.
And I don't expect to be charged for the two hours in my room.
But...
But case closed.
I shall be studying my next few credit card bills very carefully, so don't try anything funny.
Coming, Randy?
Where?
Where do you think? The planet Zontar?
Well, we might as well be because all the roads are closed and all the phone lines are dead.
And you just checked us out of our room.
Our... free room.
Oh.
I see.
Perhaps I was a little hasty before.
I've decided to give this excellent establishment another try.
Did I mention I was the hideous space sloth from Umglock in episode 13?
Professor Matheson.
Have we met?
Your reputation as a scholar and writer precedes you.
You are the author of Satan's Sex Slaves and the script adaptation as well.
You mean Ian Strike, a professor of danger for monumental pictures?
A profound, stirring adventure that leaps off the page, grabs you by the throat and shakes the tar out of you.
That's the one.
How would you like to write the cinematic event of the century?
I should have listened to him.
But you did. You all did.
No, before that. He was helping me arrange a convention.
It was then that he told me he was receiving death threats.
What kind of death threats?
Make the movie and you'll be chopped up into bits and fed to ravenous dogs.
If the movie opens, your casket closes.
Eat hot death, you maggot!
Those kind of death threats.
He was very concerned.
He wanted to call the convention off, but I convinced him his fans loved him.
They would never dream of hurting him.
Now all we have is his boots.
But who would want to kill Conrad Stipe?
All he wanted to do was make a movie.
With an all new cast.
But I don't know anything about the series.
But you know more authentic monster stuff than anyone can ever make up.
I knew my doctorate would do her something.
Besides, once News of Conrad's unfortunate demise gets out,
the publicity will steamroll this picture right back into production,
no matter how bad the script is.
I want to leave here on Monday with a script to capitalize on the momentum.
Aren't you jumping the gun just a bit?
This is a matter for the heirs to decide.
You're looking at him.
He willed the rights to you?
The series was a bomb.
Ten years after it was canceled, I met Conrad.
A drunk, a loser.
I gave him a few bucks.
He gave me 50% of the show.
You ripped him off.
I pulled him out of the gutter.
I controlled merchandising.
He controlled the creative end, which was worthless.
Or it was.
Thanks to my creative merchandising savagely,
people started to look at the reruns again.
Pretty soon, it was a phenomenon.
Anyway, in the event of death,
all the rights go back to the survivor.
C'est moi.
Oh.
The answer is...
No.
I'm a distinguished scholar, not a hack writer.
I have a reputation to consider
the highest professional standards to uphold.
You're homeless.
You're facing a long, cold night in the boiler room
and the worst weekend of your life.
On the other hand, I happen to have $30,000,
an extra suite, a full, wet bar,
and sauna privileges waiting for the right man.
Oh, no!
Suddenly...
I feel inspired.
Every single episode of the damn series,
feel free to steal liberally.
Smashing!
Now, you don't happen to know the room service number offhand, do you?
I slip one in the VCR for you.
You're a writing machine.
Slugger.
You can kill me, but humanity will prevail
because we have one thing your race never discovered.
Love.
No. Skip. No.
I've had my voice dubbed so many times,
people are beginning to believe that I am an Italian.
No.
We know that one of these people is the murderer,
but what tarot tale could separate a murderer and a normal person?
If we knew that, we'd have a killer.
Precisely.
You've got to get me apart
in an American movie!
I don't care what that has been, Stipe said he's dead and I'm glad.
We must study each one as if we're pairing through a microscope.
We all look perfectly normal,
but one of these kind faces has got her violent souls.
Yes!
If you do this to me, Skip, I'll kill you.
I swear it, I'll kill you.
Eventually, the violent soul will show itself.
It may only be for a moment, but show itself it will.
We must be vigilant, so when it happens, we will recognise it.
Look at Guy Goddard.
If you send me one more Italian script about a maniac with a meat axe,
I'm going to use a meat axe on you.
Well, what do you think?
I think we can get Captain Pierce's autograph much later.
We've got a man to solve.
Hello there, little lady.
Mr Snork.
A pretty girl like you can call me Snorkle.
Wow. Pleased to meet you.
I've seen the Crab Nebula from close to and the Milky Way
from a million miles, but I've never seen anything as beautiful as your eyes.
That's from the episode where you get emotions,
and then you discover that they're fatal to Snorkies, right?
To Snorkies.
And sometimes to mortal men.
Would you allow the honour of letting me buy you a drink?
All right. Just as long as it's not Kertone and Brandy.
I know what that does to your cut.
You have nothing to fear from me.
Space date 2312.
The Starship Explorer has encountered a massive space brain that eats planets.
Don't touch me.
I like you. Not because you were in Beyond the Beyond.
In fact, when you offered me this drink, I didn't even recognise you.
Listen, really, I'd still like you even without the nose.
Yes, of course you do. That's what they all say.
But I know women. All they care about is the fact I've got a big trunk.
Sometimes I wish I'd never put on this nose.
Then why don't you just take it off?
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Yes. To tell you the truth, I would.
Because usually when I have a drink with a guy, he looks like a human being.
You're with him. Don't deny it. I know.
With who?
With that nose-stealing viper, Stipe.
He wanted to take my nose away. They all did.
He even got a court order to stop me making public appearances as Mr. Snork.
I lived on those shopping mall openings, sci-fi conventions and nasal spray endorsements.
Now what have I got?
But you know all about that, don't you?
Excuse me, I have to be getting back to Planet Earth now.
Now you tell your bosses that there's only one Mr. Snork, and if they mess with my nose, they're going to end this.
Got it, girly?
Did you hear that in that case?
I heard it all. And?
Well, if you want a man to respect you, you should have fallen in him like that.
Now, if you finish flirting with the alien, we have a murderer to catch.
Randy? Randy! Randy!
Aye. Aye.
Ooh. Written my part yet?
No. In fact, I haven't written anything yet.
Ooh. Then I got here just in time.
In time for what?
To impress upon you the importance of my character in the movie.
But you were reduced to a cube and crushed.
No, no, no. No, I've been restored. I'm more of a woman now than I ever was before.
That explains why your uniform is so form-fitting.
Let me inspire you with an audition.
Well, I suppose a little inspiration wouldn't hurt.
I could revive my career.
Sorry, Kent. You just aren't bankable.
I am Snork.
You're a guy with a rubber nose. Come to think of it.
Our nose.
Ah!
A court order, you know.
You've got to have Natherson put me in the script.
Oh, Mr. Snork is in the script. It's just that you aren't.
You've got to convince the staff.
You've got to convince the studio that I am the only one for the part.
You can't disappoint the fans.
It's just not in the budget.
On the other hand...
There might be a way.
If you could kick back some of your studio salary my way,
I could reinvest it in the production and alleviate some of the deficit.
How much?
Oh, I don't know.
61%?
Fine.
See you on the big screen.
The plot sickens.
Or sickens. Come on.
See you later, Elstapp. Okay?
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
Writing?
You call this writing?
I'd like to.
In case you haven't noticed, there has been a murder.
And I'm breathing deeply.
No, you're not.
You're writing the screenplay for a prime suspect while romancing some has-been actress.
I am not.
Ian is putting me in the movie.
Actually, I don't think so.
It would stretch credibility.
You know, like the way your butt stretches your little space pants?
You put me in a different part.
Sorry, no parts for intergalactic space sluts.
You wouldn't.
Yeah.
Ah! Ah!
Ian!
Don't forget to wash behind your ears.
Oh!
Imagine. Her. Her!
Thinking that she can sleep her way.
Ian. Ian.
Look at you.
You're lounging here drinking champagne, and there is a murderer out there.
Marvelous, isn't it? Vintage champagne.
You know, I thought this weekend was going to be a complete washout.
Look how it's turned around.
This is good.
Wait a minute. A man is dead.
I know. And the convention is over.
The police can handle the murder while I wrestle with the room service menu.
How can you, in good conscience, write this screenplay?
I can't write it at all. It's garbage.
But that doesn't mean I can't soak a Winthrop for a few days until the greedy twit realizes.
The man is a murderer.
He killed Stipes so that he could get his share of the Beyond the Beyond rights.
Now he's going to soak this project for every last buck.
Uh-uh. A snake he is. A killer he isn't.
Oh, God.
Who locked in?
Then again, I may have mis-touched him.
Oh, my God.
Is it my imagination?
No.
I'm not going to tell you.
Is it my imagination?
Or is it getting older?
Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear.
Think your counter's clean enough to eat off of?
You bet.
Well, you have two choices.
Make lunch here, where we used your cleaner, or here, where we used Clorox Cleanup.
Mine's fine.
Okay. But look at the germs your cleaner left behind.
Ugh. Mine doesn't disinfect?
No, but Clorox Cleanup does.
It has Clorox bleach to kill 99.9% of household bacteria and viruses, even Salmonella.
So which side?
Are you kidding?
Why take chances? Disinfect while you clean with Clorox Cleanup.
It's a tradition that began 30 years ago.
But after three decades, prepare for a turn of events that will make your head spin.
Captain!
For this crew, the ultimate turning point is coming this fall.
Fire!
Because that's when the battle to take back Voyager begins.
The battle that will test the limits of every crew member.
Move! Let's go!
Ahh!
But it's a battle they all won't survive.
Star Trek Voyager.
Only on UPN.
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Introducing the Infinity year-end sale celebration.
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There's this thing going around called sniffing.
You think you're getting high, but the dizzy fuzzy feeling is just what happens when your brain doesn't get oxygen.
The chemicals get in the way.
So it's like you're not breathing.
That's how sniffing causes brain damage and death.
So when you think you're sniffing, your brain thinks you're drowning.
And your brain is pretty much right.
This is why I never order a lobster.
Because you might get locked in the sauna.
Because I can't help wondering what it would feel like to be cooked alive.
And now I know.
Look at the bright side.
What bright side?
It's just you, me, alone, scantily clad.
Sharing a glass of champagne.
Steam rising from our flesh.
You mean searing our flesh.
For small detail.
Causal deaths.
Spoilsport.
There you are.
What did you think you were playing at?
There's been a murder.
We know.
Another murder.
What an incredible loss to fandom.
An incredible loss to my wallet.
Fandom?
The whole community have devoted Beyond the Beyond fans who've lost another guiding light.
A blinking light.
It was a tragedy, an unbelievable horror. Wither, Beyond the Beyond.
Whatever are you talking about?
Who has the rights to the series now?
Ian.
What's the valid question?
You do.
Me? You?
Yes. I think you are the fans' honest answer.
You see, in lieu of cash, as part of Ian's screenwriting deal with Winthrop, he has been given Stipe's interests in the series.
I am a very good agent.
This is a nightmare.
You're telling me.
And now that Winthrop is, well, dead, all the rights revert to Ian.
Now, hold everything.
Yes, yes, please. Everybody give Professor Matheson complete solitude as he has a screenplay to write in a merchandising empire to manage.
What are you doing?
Just pushing things along.
Pushing me into a grave. If the killer finds out I have all the rights, I'll be the next victim.
Exactly.
I'm so sorry.
Yah!
I knew it was you.
Who else could it be?
You came here to kill him.
I came here to seduce him.
Again?
I came here to seduce him.
Thanks.
For part, of course.
Ah, now that he has complete control over beyond the beyond, he can cast whoever he wants.
You want to cast her?
Well, that's an idea.
Shh.
Wait.
I think I should search her first.
Oh, thank you.
Mr. Snork.
How dare you?
You don't treat an international celebrity like a common intruder.
But you are a common intruder.
I merely came for a word with Professor Matheson.
A last word?
You didn't.
No.
Hmm?
Write a startle easily.
You thought he was writing in the dark?
Definitely.
He had to be to even consider cutting me from the picture.
So you came to kill me.
Oh, I merely came for a peek at the script.
I had to know if you were still in a white mind.
And if I wasn't?
Well, then I would have, uh, I would have spoken to you, man to man.
Don't go.
Bits player has been...
Shh.
I can hear somebody coming.
Get up.
Shh.
Get up.
Shh.
Get up.
Shh.
Get up.
Randy, Mike.
Quiet, everybody.
Get him in.
Quiet, you girls.
Get him.
Get him, Malthauser.
Who is it?
Ella Manchin, Mrs. Hawke.
This is the intrepid Captain Pierce, AKA Guy Gottmark.
How'd you know?
There's no one else left.
Wow.
Surprise.
When you get up this early, you need real coffee.
Fulgur's Coffee Singles.
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Because real coffee makes real good mornings.
This precision instrument must search for tenacious deposits to clean perilously close to your
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A procedure for gingivitis.
Fortunately, gingivitis may be avoided.
Use Listerine.
Gum disease is caused by germs.
Listerine kills them.
It's the brand, the only brand clinically proven to help prevent gingivitis.
All procedures should be as easy as this.
The power of prevention.
Listerine.
The Beatles' anthology.
The complete, untold story.
Available now for the first time ever on Home Video.
You know what dirty pots and pans call for.
But what about dirty glasses?
Dishes?
Silvoware?
Introducing the new S.O.S. Scrubber Sponge.
With a new shape for hard to clean places.
A thicker, long-lasting sponge side.
And an S.O.S. Tough Scrubber side.
The new S.O.S. Scrubber Sponge.
Now every kind of mess calls for S.O.S.
Mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this.
Mama said, Mama said, Mama said, Mama said there'll be days like this.
When your stomach feels bad, reach for Pepto-Bismol.
It's all your stomach needs.
Spirit of the night.
An 11-hour event.
So steeped in mystery.
So drenched with horror.
It could only happen on one date.
Friday the 13th.
Shh.
Are you having fun?
Celebrate Friday the 13th with the SyFy Channel's Friday the 13th series.
Marathon.
Friday beginning at 7 p.m. Eastern.
You sure gave us quite a scare, young lady.
I don't know how to thank you, doctor.
You already did by getting Suzy the Medic Alert Bracelet.
It told us of Suzy's allergies and helped us provide the right treatment fast.
If you have allergies or take medications, call Medic Alert.
It could save your life.
Call now for free information.
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
Me? Disappointed?
Well, I'm thrilled.
Shooting a movie would be so joyless without you.
The laser, the explosion, the smoking boots, it was all in a lisp.
I'm sorry.
The explosion, the smoking boots, it was all an elaborate trick.
Yes, and free too.
The effects guys on the movie did this as an audition.
Incredible. He's even cheap about his own murder.
Could you just please give me an explanation?
Simple, Riri. Somebody wanted to kill me.
Can't imagine why.
I wanted to smoke the bugger right before he succeeded.
Of course, I was convinced he was winter.
Everything he did after my tragic death only served to bolster that.
So that's why you killed him and came to off Ian.
Off Ian?
No, no, you got it all wrong.
I came here for your help.
Wait, you don't expect us to believe this story, do you?
Believe it, bimbo.
But you get that?
Cleavage has its advantages, but then you wouldn't know about that.
I told you I should have searched her first.
So it was you who was trying to kill me.
Imagine my joy when someone beat me to it.
But why? I was always so kind to you.
I slept with you.
You promised me a role in the series.
And I gave you one.
You reduced me to a cube.
No, technically a dodecahedron.
No, Mr. Snow!
You rushed me.
And in my career you wouldn't even put me in the movie.
And neither would Winthrop.
Wait a second, boys.
Cowards!
Go ahead, hide!
I've got all night!
All night! And I've got enough bullets for all of you!
Hide! Hide! Hide! What I'll kill with my bare hands!
Go no further, Earthlings.
You have been warned.
Show yourself!
You have entered the nebula of no return.
Prepare to fire on alien lifeforms.
Oh my God.
Nice shot!
How tragic. How horrifying.
How fitting.
What do we do now?
I'm going to the typewriter.
I think I'm finally getting the hang of this stuff.
What?
You, Mr. Snark, Captain Pearson,
your inventions seem to have survived rather nicely.
Well, when you've traveled together to the furthest boundaries of space
and encountered the strangest creatures in the cosmos,
an under-arranged killer doesn't faze you.
What about the movie?
A firm go with the original cast.
Watching your back?
No, watching the account ledgers.
And all the publicity that this little escapade has brought us,
we don't need big-name actors, after all.
Which brings us to the screenplay.
Ah, yes.
I've worked out a few figures and contractual points for Ian's contract.
Well done.
I call it the Amoeba Lolman of Leia Nebula 9.
I've been writing it all night.
I'm really grateful for everything you've done,
including the screenplay, but I've already hired a screenwriter.
I call it the return of the muck-jerbils.
Ripping, I'm sure.
After all, no one knows more about the show than Jim does.
Me, of course.
But we don't want you to go away empty-handed.
Pearl.
You're now commodores of the Galactic Conglomeration.
Wow.
Now aren't you glad you came?
The darkest reaches of space,
the furthest boundaries of adventure.
One starship...
...churning into the unknown,
exploring the mysteries of life beyond and beyond!
Attention all passengers and passengers riding to a cabin,
please watch out for the
Put the roses on the truck.
All right.
Thanks.
It's allergy season, and I'm always congested.
But the last time I took a strong medicine,
it caused side effects that knocked me out
and overdried my sinuses.
This time I took Sudafed instead.
Big difference.
Sudafed drains sinus pressure, clears nasal congestion,
with no over-drying, no drowsiness.
No congestion, no problem.
For strong relief with no unwanted side effects.
Take Sudafed instead.
Ah!
Oh!
Twice the suspense,
twice the terror.
Uncontrollable adventure beyond your imagination.
The Outer Limits and Poltergeist the Legacy.
See listings for date and time.
Ready, Dad?
When the game starts this early,
you need real coffee.
Folger's Coffee Singles.
Real mountain-grown coffee in a real coffee filter
for one freshly brewed cup.
Folger's Coffee Singles.
Because real coffee makes real good mornings.
Here at Post, we figure we're a lot like the rest of you.
We get up too early, we work a little too hard.
Then we try to have something left for the really important stuff.
Yeah!
So for us, Energy for Life isn't just a slogan for Grape Nuts.
It's for real.
Ray over there, he likes to remind us
that everyone at Grape Nuts has about twice as many carbs as Wheaties.
Even if there is no famous athlete on the box.
Everyone has their Grape Nuts today.
Yeah!
Apparently not.
And they're off!
Last clock sprints ahead with Formula 409 running hard in second.
Down the stretch, neck and neck at the wire,
and the winner is New Windex No-Drip!
We've got the competition on the run!
Time is always delivering us something new.
That's its beauty.
Things change.
But not everything that time brings us is welcome.
Terminal illness is something that a family can feel forever.
That's why there is Hospice of the Valley.
Medical, emotional and spiritual support helps families survive.
Life keeps going.
That's its beauty.
I'd like to come back here in a few light years
and see how everything turned out.
Imagine an entire planet
modelling its society on an ancient playboy magazine.
Fascinating.
I don't know what to do.
I've got to get to the bottom of it.
And Scandinavia can grand forgotten.
It's an old playboy magazine.
Fascinating indeed.
Females would evolve with staples across their waists.
But think what would have happened
if the merchant ship had crash landed
into the cargo of those ancient slasher movies instead.
One discarded artifact can reshape
a species,
a planet,
an entire universe.
Oh my God.
What is it, Captain?
I left a pair of my trousers in the Queen's boudoir.
Your Herculite trousers?
Yes!
Herculite is the basic material from which Argulon is formulated.
And Argulon is the basic component of our Toctonian warp drive.
Are you saying that because I left a pair of my trousers on that planet,
the aliens could develop warp drive and colonize the cosmos?
I'm saying, Captain, that in a hundred light years,
they may be wearing the pants of this universe.
Great!
Wasn't that great, Ian?
Ian.
Be prosperous and multiply.
Coming for Friday the 13th, the series next on the Sci-Fi Channel.
Satisfaction. We thought you'd give the trophies.
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Satisfaction, we thought you did the trophies.
Introducing the Infinity Year-End Sale Celebration.
Thanks to corporate support, this could be your best opportunity to receive great celebration lease rates and financing packages on every highly acclaimed...