We're back!
We're going to segment, we love the new load, or is it the other way around?
Red Phasers!
Brought to you by...
McDonald's and here's to me!
Hooray! Welcome to Australia's richest talent...
I've got a part-time job working for Hunter's Toyline, Denise.
Yeah, they gave me a company car.
You are obviously getting nuts for nothing to make yourself look so stupid!
Uh-oh.
Everyone, here's trouble.
Excuse me, do you have any reason for splitting?
Yeah, you press on this accelerator now.
You idiots.
Sorry, Red. What company was that?
What company?
Hunter's Toyline, I believe.
Hunter's Toyline. I should love stuff like that myself.
Anyway, it is Australia's richest talent quest.
$500 first, $250 second, third, $100.
It's only Australia's richest talent quest because there aren't any other ones.
Oh, OK, Denise.
Alright, but...
First up, I did promise you some special judges.
There's one person in particular that is a friend of mine.
Well, what can I say? She lends me books and she's a wonderful woman,
a very, very close friend of Tanya Lacey,
but her name from my local library, Annette!
Yeah!
How are you, Annette?
I'm a bit nervous.
Are you a bit nervous? Don't be nervous. You're amongst friends here.
It's more that you haven't returned that copy of the Kama Sutra
and it's a bit overdue.
Alright. And tell me, how's everything going at the library?
Oh, well, you know, library to library is pretty boring, really.
Anyway, we hope you enjoy judging Red Faces tonight.
Oh, thanks.
Alright, then. Now, an extra special guest that I have known my whole life.
I've known this woman. We've been so close!
It's my mother, Nancy Dreyfus!
Yeah!
Alright!
Nancy!
How are you?
How are you, Nancy?
I'm not bad.
Or should I call you Mum?
But I want to say to Red that I loved him on the Rocky Horror Show.
It was beautiful, but I only gave him one.
Oh, no!
She did. That happened a lot with the Rocky Horror Show.
People would meet us after the show and jump.
Ha ha ha!
Yes.
Are you still fucking cooking?
Yes. No, darling, we've given it away, but I still have one.
This one as well?
Molly, you're in your shop.
I'd rather not be fucking cooking.
Best stuffing this time of the blank stump.
Oh, well.
No one can stuff a chook like Nancy.
Alright, we'd better get down to it, I think,
because we've got a lot of nervous people waiting to come on.
First over, up the top, we have the Singing Yodelour
performing Rocking Over River!
APPLAUSE
MUSIC PLAYS
BING!
We are...
MUSIC PLAYS
You didn't quite make it at the end, were you?
Rockin' over, rockin' over, while I'm singing with the river as I ride.
Rockin' over, rockin' over, while I'm still watered down the mountainside.
Oh, lady, oh, lull-oh, lady, oh, lull-oh, lady.
Lady, oh, lull-oh, lady, oh, lull-oh, lady.
I need a lady, I need a lady to be all...
Oh, my God, this is fabulous!
Very good!
Are you married to that man behind you?
No, no, no.
You're not married?
No.
Single? Is he married to anybody?
No.
Why don't you get together then?
No, no, no.
No, he's heard a scene.
And how long have you been?
How long have you been the odourly?
Oh, for a long time.
Yeah, doing really well.
Now, we'll go...
Annette, would you like to comment?
Oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Annette, would you like to comment?
Oh, that was really my rockin' style of music.
Get down, babe.
Um, that nice young gentleman at the back there,
he can come and check out my stacks any time.
I'll give him five.
Five?
Well done from Annette.
Nancy?
I thought you were very good, dear,
and practice a bit more.
Practice a bit more, I'll tell you.
Greg?
I don't usually use these things,
but they're really good, because if you unplug them,
you can block the sound out of one ear.
I thought you were very good.
Anyway, we'll be back after the break.
Would you like to go to listen to the break?
Please.
Hee-haw!
The police have cleared the wax out of the ears of something.
You're on the old lady, Tim.
We'll be back shortly.
Red Vassals of June.
Here we go again.
Round two of Red Vassals.
I'd like to know, what was she like as a child?
Oh, God, don't ask me, darling.
Dear little pet.
Doesn't sound likely to me.
Don't tell him of the day she was born.
Don't tell him anything.
When did she start developing, Miss Drysdale?
Very, very early.
Oh, it was either going to be a good idea or a bad one.
I think I know where it's going.
Act two is Sandra Butler performing Big Spanner.
All right.
Bring back the yodeler.
In the middle of the shepherd's pie.
Well done.
How long have you been singing?
Oh, in the bathtub, please.
In the bathtub.
And you don't do night clubs or anything like that?
No.
Oh, so you just thought you'd come on and join.
It was karaoke.
Karaoke at the pubs.
I've done a bit of that before.
Now, Annex, what do you think of Sandra?
This isn't actually the score, but if you go to the library and look up that number,
you'll come to the category of entertainment.
Might pay to do a bit of research before the next time.
Thank you very much, Annex.
Next to Nancy Drysdale.
I think five.
Practice a bit, darling.
No, no, no.
Practice.
Can I just say, Sandra, I used to get that all the time.
In fact, I still get it, so, you know.
Mrs. Drysdale, is it true when Denise was really young,
her training brass snapped and she shot down three pigeons?
Ha ha ha!
Back to you, Red.
Red?
I was just thinking, yes, karaoke bars, but now you're sober, yeah?
You can't help looking at those fishnet stockings
and think that you've been trawling for naught.
Oh, please!
Sandra, that's a lovely four of 11.
Eleven in a bit of a day.
Because they can be pretty brutal, can't they?
Thank you very much, anyway.
Thank you.
Get out.
Next up is Axe Tree, Ike and Mike,
and they're performing the Chicken Reel.
All right!
Oh, somebody's left the back gate of the home open again.
We actually think the organ's stuck in his mouth
and he's trying to actually get it out.
Not too loud, Red.
Biggie pickers.
Great rhythm.
All right!
Now, which is Ike and which is Mike?
Just come forward a little.
Ike's got a mouth organ, Mike, and he's eucalyptus.
All right, then, that's...
That's me.
Oh, that's... Who's that up there?
Red Boots.
I think it's your daughter up there.
Yeah, and now I was just going to find out,
just before we go for the scores,
are either of you married?
Oh, he was married.
You were married?
He was married.
You're on your own?
Yeah.
Mum?
What do you reckon?
After all, you can't keep living on your own, Mum.
I'm sure you can find someone. Look at him.
How many guns do I get for a husband?
She's got her own home.
She's got a car?
Yeah, and look, he can play the mouth organ
without any hands, Mum.
Gosh almighty.
Now, let's go to Annette for a score for Ike and Mike.
Oh, I don't know, I'm not really into that rock and roll
sort of music, heavy metal stuff,
but I thought they were quite outrageous.
Six.
All right, thank you.
That's not bad for Annette.
That's...
This is Mike.
Nancy?
Mike.
Mike, Nancy.
How are you?
I've given you eight,
and with a bit more practice
and you get a bit older,
I think you'll make a team.
I think she means a more mature address.
Denise, I don't normally like to butt in on red faces,
but I saw these guys in the original cast
of Hot Shoe Shuffle.
I think you've done an excellent job.
All right, then, now, Red, Mike and Mike.
Tragic old me.
What a great group!
Can I just tell you...
Can I just tell you you've won?
There's one red face with a score of 19.
Next in was the Singing Yoga with 15,
and Sandra Butler, 11.
Come out here, kids.
We want to give you some money on behalf of McDonald's,
but we haven't got it here.
So would you mind taking them in hamburgers
if I give you a couple of hours?
Wouldn't that be all right?
All right, so 500, 250 and 100.
Congratulations and thanks,
and you leave your name and address for now.
I have to say...
Thank you, Annex.
And now I know your very close friend Tanya Lacey
has got a show on Monday night
starting at the Lower Melbourne Town Hall.
Yes, I'm actually going to go down and cut that.
I might go down tomorrow.
Yes, yes, because...
What's it called? All of me.
Tanya Lacey, all of me. We're like that.
Yeah, I know you know her really well.
Well, all the best and give her our love.
Mum, have you got a gig that you want to talk about?
Not really. Only 21 next Friday.
OK, she's 21 next Friday,
and you can see Mum at Marabane's.
Now, Red, you've got nothing you want to plug?
I think I've done enough already.
Russell, you've got something you'd be doing heaps
with the comedy festival, wouldn't you?
No, not really.
But I am on at the Dingley International
next Saturday night. Dingley International.
And I'm playing golf at Cape Shank tomorrow.
OK, we'll see you there.
All right, and we want to say thank you to the Carlton Police.
Oh, you thank all the guys at the Carlton Police Station.
Yes, very much.
That's Red Paces for this day!
Our Red Paces contestants like Waddes the Australian Airlines.
If you'd like to be one and have the chance to win $500,
the Summer's Carrodery Conductors on 008,
O'Reilly, and 7th of the Ball.
Oh, my God!