Day 2
We want the lightning
Laugh and think that this is Australia
I'm sorry if I seem a little nervous, but this is only my second interview.
My first one really didn't go well.
Who am I kidding? It was a disaster.
It all began with an unrelated but amusing conversation Coach Lou was having with a little boy.
Don't deny it, Steven. I know you were betting on your matches.
Now what are the rules about gambling at the Academy?
The house gets 10 percent.
That's better. Let's go. Get out of here.
Yes. You wanted to see us, Lou?
Hey, Doolin, it's always a pleasure to see you. Has anybody ever told you you look like Catherine Deneuve?
No.
Well, that's only because they can't pronounce it.
I mean no to whatever you're buttering me up for.
What? Me?
Even I'm not falling for it and I'm notoriously gullible.
No, I mean it.
Oh, okay.
Look, this is the deal.
After Angela's first place finish in the regionals, the Sunday supplement called and they want to do a story on her.
You know, the young phenom angle.
Well, I think...
I know what you're going to say, but I think it's time she started dealing with the media.
Fine.
What's that supposed to mean?
Angela can do the story.
Why are you being so cooperative?
Tell me the truth. Was it the Deneuve thing?
I just think it'll be a great opportunity for Angela. She works hard. She deserves a little recognition.
And it'll be great publicity.
I don't want to do it. Why not?
I don't want to be interviewed. I'm a tennis person. I'm not a talkie person.
Hard to argue when you put it like that.
Are you sure?
It might be fun.
Listen, Angela, I know where you're coming from. I've been there. Read this ball.
Best wishes, John, Mac and Ro.
Wow.
This is the winning ball from his first Wimbledon title. Mac wanted me to have it.
You see, he had a problem with shyness, too, until I turned him around.
How'd you do that?
Well, I told him when someone intimidates them, just picture them with their underwear on.
That's what you told Mac and Ro?
That's what I told them.
That's what they told Marsha and the Brady Bunch.
Well, they got it from me. I used to date Florence Henderson.
If you promise to do the story, this ball is yours.
Really?
Really.
Cool.
You got yourself a deal.
Thanks, kids.
Yeah. Just let us know when and where.
And thanks for the Mac and Ro ball, Coach.
Did you give her the Mac and Ro ball?
Oh, thanks for reminding me.
I got a four o'clock with that Richardson kid. Little pep talk. I better make another ball.
Tonight, a big heroine blasted Adelaide Airport, and we speak with the mother of a young jockey who's fighting for her life after a sickening race fall.
Oh, getaway. Getaway to Getawayville. Getawayville. The caravan, camping and off-road show. 28th of February to March 4. Wayville Showgrounds.
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Daily DePunch's lead vernell jetty at 8am. Hurry, it definitely ends February 29.
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Alright, KFC. Yeah.
One Super Family Feast? Sure, that's 10 pieces of chicken, 2 large chips, large coleslaw, large potato and gravy, 4 rolls and a strawberry cheesecake.
All for just $16.95. And for another $5 get 5 more pieces of chicken.
5 more pieces for $5? I like it like that.
KFC's $16.95 Super Family Feast. And for another $5 get 5 more pieces of chicken.
$13.33. $13.33. Here's good news for car buyers. The official Ford factory clearance sale is on now.
Ford dealers must clear their 95 stock with massive savings on all Ford light trucks like couriers from $16.99,
Australia's lowest priced van, a Connovan from $17.77 and Falcon Ute from just $19.99.
Plus thousands of quality used cars at bargain prices.
See your Ford dealer during our once a year official Ford factory clearance. You may never buy a new Ford for less.
Oh getaway. Getaway to Getawayville.
Getawayville. The Caravan, Camping and Offroad Show. 28th February to March 4. Wayville Showgrounds.
What should I wear when they take my picture? Oh honey, this article's about Angela. I doubt they're going to take your picture at all.
Mrs. Doolin, they're going to take everybody's picture. You will be lucky if the photographer doesn't make the whole family form a human pyramid.
Oh yay, I get to be the apex. That's the point.
Pictures, roots, Brian, you got to run to the drug store for me. Go get me some hair color.
See, this is just the kind of stuff I was talking about. Get some money from my purse and get me Clarel Harvest Sun.
If they don't have that, just get a bottle of Clorox.
I give up. I don't know what to wear. Okay, okay, it's time for the master to take over.
No leather, no cleavage.
Don't worry, God's already taken care of that.
I get it. I got it. At last, another man. We'll talk later, alright?
I don't like it when he says that, especially when he's carrying a purse.
Just keep it. You got to forgive him. We're all a little whacked out tonight, you know, nervous about the photographer and the reporter coming tomorrow.
Well, I thought you might be. That's why I came over to set your mind at ease.
Good. Now, the sports writer handling this story is Jeff Paulson. If he can't find any dirt on you, he'll make it up.
He is the biggest lion rat alive. Good friend of mine.
I should have known. Angela will be just fine. I'll only give you one piece of advice. Don't say anything.
I'm going to have some guy following me around asking questions and I'm not allowed to talk.
Well, you can talk your little head off. Just don't say anything.
You see, there's a difference between publicity and actually saying something.
That is so cynical. So I should just answer yes or no?
Yes. And knowing Jeff, he'll probably want you to elaborate. So we should practice. Sit down and I'll ask you a couple of questions.
What's been your biggest problem in tournament tennis?
Being confident?
No. Finding a great coach like Lou Della Rosa.
And what if he asks what's been your biggest thrill of your young career?
Winning the 16 and under championship.
What are you, dense? Finding a dedicated, caring coach like Lou Della Rosa?
And then try to throw you a curve and ask you something personal like what's your favorite food? Which you will say.
Pettichini Della Rosa?
You are so coachable.
All the self-serving answers. Just answer the reporter's questions honestly and be yourself.
And remember, Della Rosa is two words, not three.
Goodbye, Lou. Don't call us. We'll call you.
I'm counting on you, kid.
Listen, why don't you do your daughter a favor? Do something about your hair.
And so my big day began with a flash.
Looking good. Looking good.
See, Angela, I told you you'd do fine.
Thank you, sir. May I have another?
Lou!
Do you always have everybody pose like this?
Well, I ask everyone. You guys at first didn't refuse.
The photographer took a lot of pictures of me.
It was great. I even showed him how I do a crab hand.
Hello, Doolin.
Oh, man, am I psychic or what?
Another roll-by seduct.
Oh, yes.
Then the reporter arrived.
And she seemed like a nice enough person.
Hello? Is anybody home?
Hello. Hi.
Sorry, I'm late. I cannot pass an ice cream store without stopping.
You must be Angela, and I hope you like chunky monkey.
Thanks.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm Betsy Martin from the paper.
I'm filling in for Jeff Paulson.
Oh, what happened to him?
Oh, he had a sports injury.
A shot putter didn't like what he wrote, so now Jeff has a kind of a blockage.
Oh, great.
I mean, I...
Hello.
Hi.
Mom, this is Betsy Martin. She's filling in for Jeff Paulson.
Oh, oh.
Relieved to meet you.
Everyone was just standing around like a bunch of dorks until I arrived.
I mean, I love this family, but you have to admit they're not very swift.
Sometimes talking to them is like talking to broccoli.
So why don't you come on in, Bets, and take a load off?
Brian, school.
Just pretend I'm not here. Everybody else does.
Yes, yes, pedal on, little paper boy.
What interview?
This is my brother, Brian.
All right, so let's talk about school.
You're what, you're a sophomore?
Yes, but we hang out with a lot of seniors.
Betsy, I'm in the third grade.
Great. Now, you're going to be getting your driver's license pretty soon, right?
Oh, not for another seven years, but once my mom let me start the engine in the driveway...
Dog, dog, dog, dog.
So how many hours a day do you practice?
Well, I play whenever I can.
Which is about 14 hours a day, except when he has a job.
Yeah, but those don't last very long.
Don't you have a home?
Could you be shut up?
Why are you hooking up with my living room?
Guys, guys, guys, can I talk to you for a second?
Look, this is my interview. Would you please leave?
I think Betsy's kind of interested in us.
Yes, she's been asking us questions.
And I think we're doing pretty good.
Okay, how can I put this? Phenom, non-phenoms.
Ooh, someone's been reading the dictionary.
Yeah, it stinks in here anyway.
Oh, Betsy, I'm really sorry. They have this thing they're working on upstairs.
That's okay, I understand. I had five brothers and sisters and they drove me nuts.
No way, you mean?
I think it's better with just us two girls anyway.
Coffee's ready.
Oh, so where'd everybody go?
Well, actually we wanted a little privacy.
Oh, that's a good idea. Why don't we go sit around the kitchen table?
I made some rice crispy squares.
Oh, you mean not me. Of course, I'm sorry.
Oh, come on, I mean her mother. You can say anything in front of me.
Angela can say anything in front of me. Isn't that right, Angela?
Bye, Mom.
See? Well, I do have some shopping to do.
Okay. So your mom seems pretty cool, huh? Why don't you tell me a little bit about her?
Uh, well, I practice after school, weekends, about 35 hours a week.
Phew. I want to win Wimbledon, but school comes first.
Don't laugh, I'm serious. Mariah Carey smashing pumpkins. I think I'm talking too much.
Sinatra looks down and says, you dumb broad, you misquoted me.
I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
You think that's bad? That is nothing.
Okay, I'm 13 years old, I'm playing in this huge tournament, and I'm wearing a halter dress.
I hit this overhead smash, and my boob fell out.
Oh my God.
Yeah, you win. That is more embarrassing.
No, no, that's not even the worst part. I didn't realize it until the linesman shouts out, it's out.
I said, what are you nuts? It was in. He goes...
You know what really worried me?
What?
Winning meant so much that I almost didn't care.
It scares me sometimes how much I want to win. It's like nothing else matters.
That's understandable.
Yeah.
I had the weirdest tan line.
I bet you did. You probably looked like the hour gang dog.
Are we still doing the interview, or are we just talking?
I don't know about you, but I'm having a great time.
Oh, yeah. You know, this is nothing like I pictured it. I'm so relaxed.
I'm glad.
Do you want more ice cream?
No, thanks. I shouldn't be eating this when I'm in training.
Oh, come on. I brought it just for us. Besides, who else is gonna know?
All right.
What I didn't like about Betsy was this divide and conquer technique she had.
I know what she was doing with the kids. I'm a mother. I do it all the time.
The first meeting of the I Hate Angela Club will now come to order.
You don't hate Angela, Mary Margaret.
I know, but it just felt good to see that.
You know, if it was me being interviewed, I would really want my best friend to be around.
I'd want my little sister to be around. But no, Angela has to be the only star.
Brian, why are you mad at Angela?
I'm not mad at Angela, Mary Margaret.
Why should I care if the entire house revolves around her and her tennis and her interviews and her trophies and her disgusting...
Oh, it's so hard to be special humility.
Do our readers know that Angela is so socially retarded that she only this year got her first kiss?
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.
Did you know Angela picks her nose and eats it?
Oh, that's a good one, Angela picks her nose.
So what? Who doesn't?
I was just kidding.
So was I.
Hey, it sounds like you guys are having fun.
Do you mind if I ask you a couple questions about Angela?
Oh, oh.
So what did you get then?
Oh, the usual burger and chips.
Oh, yeah.
What about you?
I got a Kentucky barbecue quarter pack.
Kentucky barbecue? Mmm.
You get a quarter Kentucky barbecue chicken, chips, plus coleslaw and a Pepsi. All for just $4.50.
$4.50? Uh-huh.
New Kentucky barbecue quarter pack, just $4.50.
I know what I'll be having tomorrow.
Hey, I like it like that.
We are the babies, we like it small.
Say hello to BabyCo for big specials.
English imported silver cross pram stroller in classic European fabrics at an ever to be repeated price, $359.95.
Series 3 car seat, $94.95. BabyCo layback stroller, $89.95.
Cam ritmo high chair, $79.95. Backpack, $69.95. Cam porticoat, $69.95.
BabyCo big specials for our special little people.
BabyCo!
I like aeroplane jelly, aeroplane jelly for me.
I like it for dinner, I like it for tea.
A little each day is a good recipe.
This summer you'll get 20% more aeroplane jelly at no extra cost.
Aeroplane jelly for me.
Now you can command a vehicle with more on board management systems that house more computer power than the spacecraft that took man to the moon.
A vehicle with safety and performance technology that is so advanced it's never been seen in a car before.
New Mercedes-Benz E-Class.
How's it going? I like some of your best salmon.
Sorry, you're too late.
But you just got here, you haven't even unloaded yet.
Look at all these beauties.
Rejects.
Rejects?
Dry, tired looking.
Who says?
John West says.
Why, John West haven't even set foot on this dock.
Who says they need to?
John West, the best.
Two weeks later the article is about to come out and I couldn't sleep.
No one could.
This, this is what happens when man goes against nature.
That's it?
They killed the monster with salt water?
Don't look at me. If you guys got any good channels we could be watching sex right now.
Okay, that's it. I'm gonna sit down and stop waiting for the newspaper.
Is that monster dead yet?
What? What are you guys doing up?
We're having a waiting for the article about Angela on the newspaper party.
Mom, I can't sleep. I'm so excited.
This is the first time someone's written an article about me.
Angela, just remember one thing.
No matter what this article says, you're still the same great kid inside and out.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
That's exactly the kind of thing you say when everything's about to turn to crap.
I heard a car.
Oh, it's the paper boy? It's Lou.
I was just on my way home from judging a beauty pageant and I knew you'd all be up waiting.
I need the paper.
Oh, this is so...
I'll be right back. I left something in the car.
What does it say?
Hey, look. It's a pyramid picture.
Angela Doolin is a tennis star on the rise.
Thank you, Betsy. But stars burn the brightest right before they burn out.
It is the all too familiar scenario for young sports stars to succumb to the pressure of winning at all costs.
According to Brian, a sibling starved for attention, Angela is socially maladjusted.
I never said that.
Well, it's right here in print and you have to admit you are kind of starved for attention.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. At least I'm not her Zoftig best friend Monica who claims if it weren't for me she'd have no one to eat lunch with.
Zoftig? I'm not Zoftig. I'm Greek Italian.
And I didn't say that either.
Okay, I said it.
We don't mind eating spam on Thanksgiving as long as Angela can have the best tennis gear possible.
Okay, I said it. But I juggled. Like this.
She misquoted all of us.
There was a reporter? At our house? When?
I didn't know you broke your training diet by putting candy in Mary Margaret's underwear drawer.
When did your boob fall out in the middle of a tennis tournament?
Oh my God.
I told her that when we were just talking like friends.
I always thought that there was this law among women that anything you say over a bowl of ice cream is private and confidential.
Guess I was wrong.
Angela, it gets worse.
Her desperate need to be liked is oddly touching.
In her mind, a casual afternoon with a reporter becomes a deep friendship.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Say hi to Miss LeBraya Tarpitz.
What? She's narcoleptic.
What does that mean?
Lou puts her to sleep.
So, how'd we do?
Terrible.
Let me see.
Blah, blah, blah, repressive Catholic upbringing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, broken heart.
Ah, here we go.
Coach Lou Delarosa, the center court stallion, is known as much for his womanizing as for his brutal training methods.
He has no regard for the fragile egos of his young prodigies. Not bad.
Not bad.
She has my friends and family saying all these horrible things about me.
Well, that's what reporters do. They manipulate what you say to make a better story.
But we never said any of those things.
It doesn't matter. It's about selling newspapers.
Look, this is just a life lesson, part of your training, at no extra charge.
Thanks.
Look, kid, I'm sorry you got blindsided, but don't take it so hard. It's only a newspaper.
Tomorrow another one will come out and somebody else will be humiliated.
Tonight, its bite can make you very ill and the culprit could be lurking in your home.
And a two-time Olympian with more fight than most.
We're national on you, get me sure
At late oval, March 3rd, the Rams meet the Warriors. Imagine what it'll be like.
You can't imagine because it hasn't happened before. But here's a hint.
R-A-S-S, bam bam satisfaction.
Oh, the mighty Rams.
Well, you can stop imagining Rams versus Warriors from 10 bucks a hit.
Tickets at best outlets. Imagine if you missed it.
You can do it.
When the surf's big, you need as much energy as you can.
You can do it.
People are saying organics is the best shampoo and conditioner they've ever used.
But it leaves their hair soft and easier to manage.
They say they can see their hair has body and shines with health from the roots up.
They even say it happens overnight.
How do we know this?
Because they've told us.
Try organics. If you're not satisfied, we'll refund your money.
The nose. Right there on the nose.
New Johnson's Clean and Clear Invisible Blemish Treatment.
Pimple creams. Like wall paint.
An invisible medicated gel that absorbs right into the skin.
Yeah, you can't say it. Not like that skin colour stuff.
I'd like to ask whose skin colour it is.
To visibly treat and help prevent pimples. Flaky.
Without flaking or drying. The only flakes I want are the ones I have for breakfast.
For a beautifully clear skin.
It disappears right in. Pimples disappear right out.
Johnson's Clean and Clear is what you want your skin to be.
Alright, KFC.
One super family feast. Sure, that's ten pieces of chicken.
Two large chips, large coleslaw, large potato and gravy,
four rolls and a strawberry cheesecake. All for just $16.95.
And for another $5, get five more pieces of chicken.
I can't leave without saying one thing.
You charmed me and my family into letting our guard down
and then you used only the bad things we said, none of the good things.
You pretended to be my friend and you betrayed me.
Angela, my job is to tell the truth
and I don't want to feel betrayed by that, I'm sorry.
But that's the kind of reporting that got me that shelf full of awards.
Okay, here's a quote for you.
You can't treat people badly without having it come back and bite you in the butt.
Sometime, somewhere, somehow, you're gonna get what's coming to you.
Angela, how you doing, honey?
I'm better. I shredded up the article and used it to line Brian's rabbit cage.
A rabbit cage?
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about this whole thing.
I admit, I'm not the typical tennis mother
and the first time I push you out into the spotlight, everything turns to crap.
I should have protected you better. I should have let Lou help you more.
Refused to let me do the story?
No.
I'm glad you did the story.
See, Angela, you're a really good tennis player
and you're gonna be a big star, bigger than Martina or Chrissy or Steffi or any of them.
Says who, my mother?
Well, yeah, but so does everybody else.
Coach Lou, the other players, even that reporter makes you rot like a pig in hell.
The point is, this is your future.
Next time, you gotta be ready.
So, I got you a little present.
Thanks.
Keep that with you. Next time you get interviewed.
At least you'll know what you said.
Or what everybody else said about me.
I think we learned our lesson.
How does this thing work?
Testing one, two, three.
Angela picks her nose and eats it.
That's gold!
By the way, don't even try misquoting me.
The monster's after me!
Everybody run! Run!
He's after me!
You fools!
Why would you learn the song when it doesn't kill the monster?
Okay.
It's alright. It's just a dream.