Every year we have this banquet to honor the best manager of the year and well this year
it's going to be Joe, Joe Blake.
I wanted to help out because I wanted everything to go just right.
I like Joe.
He's helped me a lot.
He has this knack of really focusing in on your problem just by listening.
To have someone who really listens, it draws you out.
Oh yeah, yeah, she is totally right.
I mean my dad really listens.
You see he takes the time to get the whole story whether you want him to or not.
I respect Joe a lot and it's not just because he's my boss.
Now your head clears when you talk to Joe.
You get a different perspective on things and you know why, it's because he listens
to you.
Very nice meeting you.
I'll see you again.
Bye.
You want to know about Joe Blake?
Well I'm his boss and I can tell you he's the best.
He always seems to make the right decision, always has good information.
Why is that?
Because he knows how to listen to people.
That's why I'm here, that's why we're all here, in honor of Joe Blake.
Thanks for telling me, that's great.
Who are you?
Oh no.
Come on Joe.
All right, all right.
I am Joe Blake and I appreciate all these kind words but really there's no big secret
to what I do.
Yes, right.
No, I listen to what people say.
Of course you have to learn how to listen and you have to practice what you learn.
Most of us get so caught up with what we're going to say, well we forget to listen to
the other guy.
But once you hear what people are saying, what you were going to say changes anyway.
You just have to know what to listen for.
First you should listen for the content of the message, the facts that people tell you.
Hiya Joe, congratulations.
Excuse me.
How's it going?
Oh fine, thank you Murray.
Hi Joe, nice to see you.
Hi Joe, good to see you.
Oh we're sorry, where's the food?
Oh, right over that way.
The facts, such as where the food is, who's coming to the meeting, who's coming to the
press, who's coming to the meeting, what time the report's due.
Second you have to listen for feelings.
Messages often have a feeling part too, and to hear the complete message you have to listen
for the feelings behind the facts.
How do you know a message has feelings?
Sometimes you can't miss it.
Hey dad, how's it going?
Pretty good.
Greg, how's it going with you?
Good.
I need, I need to talk to you though.
I hope you won't be too upset that I had a little problem with the car.
Oh.
No, it's probably not too bad though.
It's just that you might be a little upset.
Well tell me about it.
Okay, this is going to be upsetting.
Well you're pretty uptight.
Yeah.
Is it fixable?
Probably.
Well then it can't be too bad.
You seem a little worried about what I'm going to say.
No, no.
It's probably not even hurt that bad.
Probably.
Well, I mean all we have to do is find it.
They usually do.
They?
The police.
But I had to call them when I found out the, the car was stolen.
I don't have to work too hard to get that message.
But other times you have to go on intuition, be alert for clues that something else might
be going on.
Like when you're surprised by someone's reaction or when something doesn't make any sense to
you.
I'll give you an example.
When Sarah joined the company, one of her first jobs was to help set up the new plant.
Thanks.
Excuse me.
Sarah, Joe Blake.
We met when you first came on board.
Oh sure.
Hi Joe.
How are you?
Fine, thanks.
I actually, I need a little help.
They've asked me to do a work-up.
on the security system and I was hoping you'd give me some information.
Joe, it was my understanding that I would be handling the entire facility here, including
the security system.
I think management just want to free you up so you can concentrate on the physical plant.
I realize there have been some delays, but we are catching up.
And the security design won't take that much of my time.
However, I can get the information you need, but I'm pretty busy right now.
You don't need it right away, do you?
What I really need is a cup of coffee.
Could we have a coffee now while we're talking?
Sure.
Great.
Sarah's reaction seemed off the wall.
Something was going on.
Okay.
If I listened only to her facts, only to the words she was saying, and didn't pay attention
to her feelings, we'd get nowhere.
The whole security project would stall.
I had to draw her out to get some kind of clue about what she was feeling.
You sure seem under pressure.
Well, I've put a lot of hours in on this plant.
I want to see it through.
Just because I'm new here doesn't mean that I can't get the job done.
I really don't work well with someone looking over my shoulder.
You think they sent me to check up because you're new?
No wonder you resent my being here.
Resent?
No, not exactly.
I admit I was surprised when you showed up, Joe, but I don't resent you.
Joe, I'd appreciate it if you would be straight with me.
Is the front office worried about my ability to handle this project?
I have never heard that.
With these construction delays, I'm worried about how they make me look.
I see.
I just want the job to go well.
I mean, I know how to do this.
I know that I can do a great job for this company.
When you appear, and, well, so maybe they think I can't cut it.
Sarah, you're feeling pressured because you're new, because you want to do a good job.
Don't worry about the delays.
They're going to happen anyway.
From what I've seen and heard, you're already doing a great job.
Really?
Really.
Oh, thanks.
I guess I let it get the best of me.
Hey, no problem.
Okay, you want to look at the security system?
By listening carefully to the facts and the feelings, I was able to understand what was
really going on.
So that'll give you some idea of what to listen for.
Now, you've got to know what to do before you listen.
Before you listen, tune in to your own listening patterns.
Maury, it's so great we're all here for Joe, and he really deserves this.
Maury?
Don't daydream.
I mean, he's so great to work with.
Hey, isn't that Phil over there?
Don't interrupt.
Maury.
Are you listening to me?
Oh, sure, honey.
I'd be glad to.
Don't respond automatically.
How about if later we pick up the kids and maybe we could go out...
I don't want to go to another baseball game.
I was going to say movies.
Don't anticipate what people are going to say before they say it.
I can't figure out what time to pick up the kids.
I've just got so much to do.
You know what you ought to do?
What?
And finally, don't offer advice.
It's better to let people arrive at their own solution.
Now, all this doesn't tell you how to listen.
That's a whole other story.
Here, let me set a scene for you.
Phil's group has been under a lot of pressure.
They're on a killer schedule, and Phil's really feeling it.
Phil!
How are things going?
Phil.
Look, you've got to do something about these ridiculous deadlines.
You start by getting ready to listen.
If the message is long or emotional, commit to the time.
Hold my calls, will you, please?
Eliminate interruptions.
Make sure there are no physical barriers between you.
And depending on what's happening, make certain your own emotions are under control.
You can't deal with someone else's feelings until you've dealt with your own.
We're killing ourselves for nothing, Joe.
That's the problem.
When you listen, listen for feelings as well as facts.
Feeling clues can be non-verbal.
A flushed face, defensive posture, lack of eye contact, or feeling clues can be verbal.
An angry tone, choice of words, speaking louder than normal.
And then I see the stuff just sitting around and shipping days later.
To get the whole story, I use door openers, responses that encourage people to talk.
I see.
Makes you wonder, you know, what are we breaking our backs for?
And show that you're paying attention.
Nod your head, lean forward, keep an open body posture.
And if I thought there was a chance things might change, that'd be one thing.
It's not gonna happen.
Things are just too disorganized.
Make non-committal responses like, really?
Is that so?
I see.
It just can't go on, Joe.
Encourage people to continue talking by saying things like, let's discuss it.
Or?
Well, tell me more about it, Phil.
There's only so many hours in a day.
Now, if I don't get more people, there's no way I can continue to meet the schedule.
Getting pressure from above, and then we see the stuff just sitting around.
Keep the door open by acknowledging people's feelings.
I know it's frustrating, Phil.
And these deadlines must seem unrealistic.
And we do have shipping problems.
Well, it's getting harder and harder to put up with the way things are being run around
here.
Ask questions to clarify what you don't understand.
Questions reassure the person that you're listening.
They also help you confirm that you're getting the message.
How is your department handling this?
Great difficulty.
Ask one question at a time so you don't take over the conversation.
They feel the pressure, too.
I can say that again.
To make sure I understand, I summarize in my own words what I've just heard, the facts
and the feelings.
Begin with the word you.
A good formula to use is you feel because you're feeling frustrated because of the shipping
delays and angry because it takes so long to change the way we do things.
The changing procedures does take time.
Well, I just don't see how we can keep up this pace or any reason to.
As I listen, I try to understand the feelings as well as the facts.
Phil was frustrated about the shipping bottleneck, but I felt it went deeper than that.
He'd faced deadlines before and hadn't cracked.
You seem to be feeling the pressure a little more than usual.
Sometimes just showing you've heard the feelings can be the key.
Yeah, well, I've got other things on my mind right now.
Bingo.
Silence also acts as a door opener.
It gives people time to think and lets them proceed at the wrong pace.
Like my son, Sammy, you know, if the kid were dumb, that'd be one thing, but he doesn't
even try.
He'd rather be the class clown.
I've been trying to find time to meet with his teacher, but with all this overtime.
Look, Joe, I realize that this is not the best time, but a few hours off sure would
make a difference.
I got no problem with that, Phil.
There's not much that's more important than your kids.
Listening is critical.
Whether you're at work in sales, supervising, customer service, or even at home with your
family, the principles stay the same.
And I can tell you, it feels good if you've got someone who's good at listening, listening
to you.
Greg and I had filed a claim on the stolen car, but a month had gone by and we'd heard
nothing.
So I thought we'd better phone and straighten this thing out and transfer it again.
Again?
That's three times, right?
Maggie Tuttle claims representative.
Ms. Tuttle, Joe Blake, yeah, I hope you can help me.
Hello, Mr. Blake.
I'll sure try.
What can I do for you?
Well, I hope something.
Ms. Tuttle, this is the third time I've been transferred.
Oh, Mr. Blake, I'm sorry.
I know it's frustrating.
Tell me the problem and I'll do my best to help, not transfer you.
You mean tell the whole story again?
Yes, I hate to ask you to, but Mr. Blake, my other phone is ringing.
May I put you on hold for a second?
I'll just ask them to hold my call so we can talk without being interrupted.
Oh, sure, sure, I would appreciate that.
Listening for feelings on the telephone can be tough.
You only have verbal clues to help you listen, voice tone, pitch, pace, and so on.
Okay, Mr. Blake, go ahead.
Our car was stolen, we filed a claim, and we've been waiting for over a month for it
to go through.
Uh-huh, I see.
Yeah, and I haven't heard a word from anybody over there.
Plus, I'm paying for a loaner.
I'm getting a little upset.
You must be upset, and you filed through this office?
Yes, I did.
Well, Mr. Blake, can I have your claim number or the date you filed?
Uh, just a minute.
Oh, yeah, here's the date.
We filed a month ago today.
My wife wrote it in and gave it to somebody, I don't know who.
We should have heard something by now.
Oh, I feel like you're caught up in the old bureaucratic red tape, huh?
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
Well, I'm glad you had the date of the claim.
It makes it easier for me to check.
Now, can I ask you to hold just one more time while I look this up for you?
Oh, sure, sure, thanks.
This woman did all the right listening things.
She heard and acknowledged my facts and my feelings.
She calmed me down, made me feel like I was being taken care of finally, and she shared
information with me about what she was doing so I didn't get impatient and angry all over
again.
Hello, Mr. Blake, right now your claim is being processed.
Now I know you feel frustrated because of the delays, and I realize you've been transferred
around.
Our system is rather cumbersome at times, but these things, Mr. Blake, do take time.
Now your adjuster's name is Bill Whedon.
Look, if you don't hear from us by, say, the 15th, why don't you give him a call?
Here's his phone number.
That lady was terrific.
After she listened, she followed through.
We got our money in 10 days.
Thanks.
She heard our facts and our feelings.
Of course, the question is, do you always want to listen for feelings?
Louise and I were meeting with somebody, and when they left, Louise raised just that question.
So, you always listen for feelings?
No, not if the message seems strictly factual.
See, sometimes there's no point.
Yeah, but if you think the message is an emotional one, then you try to respond to the feelings
behind the information.
That's pretty much it.
Why the doubtful face?
Well, I'm a pretty good listener, but there are situations where I don't have the time
or the inclination to deal with people's feelings on the spot.
Sure, that happens.
But I always acknowledge the problem.
Say something like, I know you're upset, but I'm under a lot of pressure myself, would
just hold until the afternoon.
Yeah, but even when I have the time, Joe, strong emotions mean things can be said that
I don't want to hear.
But the emotions are still there.
Better to get them on the table, I think, otherwise they're just getting away.
I understand the importance of dealing with people's feelings, but it's hard to avoid
becoming a counselor.
Dr. Blake, I presume.
No, look, once I hear the feelings, then I have to decide when and if it's appropriate
to address them.
It depends where I am and who I'm with, but I always address the feelings.
If I don't want to get involved, then I may refer the person to whichever person or department
seems appropriate.
Given your track record, it's hard to argue with your approach.
Sure.
Well, let's order.
Okay.
So, now you know how to listen.
Remember, a message can have two parts, facts and feelings.
Before you listen, tune into your own listening patterns.
Commit to the time.
Eliminate all interruptions.
Deal with your own feelings first if you have to.
When you listen, listen for feelings as well as facts.
Listening clues can be verbal and nonverbal.
Use door openers to encourage people to talk.
Keep the door open by acknowledging people's feelings.
Ask questions to qualify what you don't understand.
Summarize in your own words the facts and feelings that you hear.
After listening, follow through.
Make sure you do what you say you'll do.
You can practice these principles no matter who you're with or where you are.
They'll work in any situation.
You'll be surprised how well listening, really listening, works.
We're here tonight in honor of a man, Joe?
Joe, where are you?
I gotta go.
In honor of a man who really hears what we have to say, Joe Blanks, manager of the year.
Joe Blanks, manager of the year.