Hey, David Letterman, you just finished your big 90-minute prime time special.
What are you going to do now?
What am I going to do now? I'm going to Disney World.
Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave.
No, Dave, you're not going to Disney World.
What do you mean, Biff? Of course I'm going to Disney World.
No, you've got to do another show tonight.
I do?
That's right. You do another show tonight, and then you come back and do another one tomorrow.
Yeah, but what about next week?
I'm afraid not, Dave. You've got to do shows next week and the week after that.
We won't have any time off for quite a while.
No, no, I'm going to Disney World. I'm going to ride Space Mountain.
I'm going to see the Country Bear Jamboree, and then I'm going to Gatorland, and then I'm going to Monkey J-
From New York, home of the throbbing headache, it's Late Night with David Letterman.
Tonight, actor Omar Sharif, musician Harry Connick Jr., and beer collector Bill Black,
plus Paul Schaeffer and the world's most dangerous band.
And now, a man who believes the common cold can only be cured by watching Cosme, David Letterman.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hi. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Hi. How you doing?
Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen, and God bless you.
Something tragic occurred at my house last night.
One of the security guards forgot to lock the gate, and a few of my relatives sneaked in.
Hey, hey, that went off by itself. I didn't even-
And then, you know, it's the hair trigger. I did something really nice.
I hate to say nice things about myself, and I seldom do them, so it's not much of a problem.
But I did something really nice this morning. I was coming in on the subway. I take the D, and I-
I come in on the D, Paul? I think you take the D every morning.
I come in on the D, I'm taking the subway, and it's, of course, rush hour. It's very crowded.
And so I decided I'd just get up my seat and let Lady Di sit down.
I think, you know, because she's- Oh, Dave.
You know, I don't get that many laughs. You could have waited till that one was done.
Excuse me, Dave. Yes, miss. What is it?
I'm sorry, I've been a-
Steph Henderson out here. Yes, miss.
I'm sorry, but I have a question for you.
I know you do. Oh, okay. I'm just wondering, is Tony Randall on the show tonight?
Tony Randall? Yeah.
Let me see, Kevin. No.
He's not? No.
Okay, excuse me. One second. One second.
Sorry, Tony. Not tonight. Not tonight. Not tonight.
Maybe he will. We'll see. We'll see.
Aww. You know, that Biff sure is acting odd lately.
Here's an interesting fact, ladies and gentlemen. Edgar Allan Poe in his entire life- excuse me.
Hal, could you kill my mic for a second? Thank you.
Edgar Allan Poe in his entire life never once uttered the words, L.A. gear.
Hal, turn the mic back on, can you?
Sally Jesse Raphael, she has a talk show in the morning.
I've seen the show, yeah.
She's now going to dress up as a hooker to get some insight as to what it might be like in the world of prostitution.
And I think she also feels that that way she could possibly get an interview with Jimmy Swaggart.
But it's still-
And here's some sad news.
A man was arrested for indecent exposure in Times Square today, and in his defense he said he was just celebrating Groundhog Day.
Something about a shadow there, but let's not pursue it.
We- gosh, we got a good show.
Omar Sharif is with us, Harry Connick Jr., and Bill Black, a man who collects- a man who collects hair.
And here's our good friend Paul Schaefer over there, kid.
Hello, boy. How do you do?
So glad to have you here.
Well, Dave, I understand that it was one year ago today.
Yeah.
Is that correct?
No, no, no. We were talking about this earlier.
No, it was seven years ago.
It was actually seven years ago this very day.
This very day.
I mean, the anniversaries don't exactly fall on the day they should, but this represents, unless I'm incorrect, seven years of 365 day years, or did we have a 366 day year in there?
I believe we did. There was a leap year.
Whatever it was, it was seven years ago tonight that the show went on the air.
Went on the air.
Right? You were here.
I was here.
Sid was not here.
Sid was not here.
Will was here.
Will was here.
Anton was not here.
Anton was not here.
Doc was here.
And I did not join the show until the fourth year.
That's true.
Doc was here.
Only for a brief period.
I'm gone now.
But it's odd to believe, isn't it?
Bill Murray was a guest?
Yes.
Mr. Wizard?
That's correct.
Who else?
That was our opening line-up.
And the Peacock Girls from the Rainbow Girls.
That's right.
And there was somebody else.
Was there someone else?
Calvert DeForest was here.
And Warren Zivon was supposed to be here, but was not here.
Warren was not here.
Warren was here.
But it was seven years ago this very night.
Well, congratulations.
You know, and I was thinking, oh no, no, no, I'm not doing it to bait you poor people.
Lord knows you've endured enough already.
Seven years ago, I was 34.
Which makes you...
41.
41.
But don't you think 34, why is this network giving shows to punks like that?
34 years old?
I knew how to run a show at 34?
That is hard to believe.
Seven years ago, I was 17 years old.
And who would...
Why would anyone give this job to a 17 year old kid?
I don't know.
Now I'm 53.
I don't know exactly how.
So anyway...
Excuse me, I have something in my throat.
Turn off your mic.
Yeah.
Let's...
We have a little gift, I believe, from General Electric.
These are the people who a couple of years ago took over NBC.
And we make jokes about them from time to time.
But I think tonight they have been quite generous.
They have given us a little token of their appreciation for our work for them.
Bring it out if it's back there.
There it is.
Alright.
You know...
That's a pretty good look, lab coats and sneakers.
Anyway, this thing weighs over 600 pounds.
It is made from 18 dozen eggs and 2200 cups of flour.
It contains almost 11 miles of internal wiring.
It's powered through a step-up transformer to draw 150 amps at 3500 watts.
I'm sorry, 3500 volts.
This cake includes types of bulbs from every major product line in the GE inventory.
Including incandescent, fluorescent and halogen light bulbs.
There it is.
It's our seventh anniversary cake.
It's a beauty.
From the famous folks of General Electric.
Very nice of them to do that.
What the hell is that?
Maybe have a loose bulb or something.
Oh!
Good job.
The hell is going...
My God, run for your lives.
Oh!
I never thought you had these works.
Are you all right?
I just...I'm never quite sure how these things operate.
Okay, now...