My body's nobody's body but mine You run your own body, let me run mine
My lungs were made to hold air when I breathe I am in charge of just how much I need
My legs were made just to don't be around I can fly through the air with a roll on the ground
Your body loves you, hell if I Our bodies do just whatever we like
My body's nobody's body but mine You run your own body, let me run mine
It's my body
My body loves you, hell if I
It's been very nice to give me the money So maybe I would say yes
I don't want to be rude to him or hurt his feelings
What do you think, Nick?
I don't think you should do that You shouldn't take money from a stranger
Anyway, even if you really want the camera You can say thank you very much
No, I'd rather go home by myself My mummy's waiting for me
That's good Tell him thank you very much but no
Okay, how would you feel if he insisted on walking with you?
Is that what you mean by a no feeling?
Well, if this man's a stranger then you shouldn't go off with him
And if he gives you the no feeling then go to someone who can help you
Right, well who could help you?
Well, if there's a policeman there he can help
Or I could go into the shop and ask the shopkeeper to call my mummy to come and get me
And if the man keeps bothering me I can tell him to go away
That's right And you don't have to worry about hurting his feelings
Even if he is being kind because you don't even know the man, alright?
Just because he's a grown up does not mean that you have to do what he says
You could say go away please Say it, try saying go away very firmly
Go away
That's good Now see if you can get everybody up and down the street to turn around
And see what's going on, make it that loud
Go away
No, make people right up there hear it, okay?
Go away
You remember I just talked about a no feeling
Well I wanted to find out what makes yes feelings and no feelings when you're touching or being touched
So we went to a school and asked some of the kids, let's start off with the yes feelings
Well I like it when my mum comes home from work and she's happy
And then she grabs hold of me and cuddles me and puts me on the set
Well when my brother does it, it isn't really a tickle, it kind of hurts
But when my dad does it, he flings me on the floor and tickles me around the ribs
And it feels all shivering
Do you enjoy that feeling? Is that a yes feeling?
Yes
I like it when I'm sitting on my grandad's lap and he's picking me up and down like a horsey
That's quite sweet
And when I sit on my mum's lap, it tickles me and feels nice and warm as well
I like it when my mum cuddles me at night and tucks me into bed
And my dad comes up sometimes and I pretend to be asleep
Or sometimes I go under the covers and go the wrong way round so he thinks that I'm asleep
I like it when my sister says, that's good, you've done well at school and they tuck you in the head like that
Well we hold hands really tight
At first because we're lonely, we haven't got anyone else to play with, just us two
So we hold hands and go round and round until we get dizzy
And when the dizzy stops, we do it again
It reminds me of so many yes feelings that I'd forgotten all about
You all understand what I mean, don't you?
Touching can be one of the nicest feelings in the whole world
It's like picking up your baby sister when she's crying, there's a lot more to stop her crying than just talking to her
A yes feeling, it's that feeling that makes you feel safe and loved
But the touches that still give me a no feeling are when people, for example, put their fingers through my hair and ruffle like that
I hate that, or if somebody grabs my beard and pulls it as a joke, it's not a joke to me, I don't like it
When I was a little kid, I know one of my uncles used to give me a squeeze and then he wouldn't let me go
And he'd rub his face up and down my face and all the bristles on his chin when he hadn't shaved were like sandpaper
He thought it was funny, I hated it
Can you think of some feelings, some touches that give you a no feeling?
Yeah, when my mom gives me a good night cuddle she squeezes me far too hard
And that makes you feel uncomfortable?
No, well yeah, well around the back she goes
I like being tickled when I'm bored, but when I'm doing something and then my aunt comes in and sort of picks me up, she throws me on my bed
She starts tickling everywhere, I don't like that
Somebody comes out and punches me like that
I don't like it when people tickle me under the arms
Why?
Well I don't know, it's my granddad always tickles me when I go in to see him
Do you like that?
No
Does he know you don't like that?
Yeah, but he thinks I'm only playing
But you're not?
No
I'm sure we have lots more no feelings, but it is possible to learn to say no to people who are making you feel that way
You know some people, especially grown ups, they just don't listen
They don't pay any attention to you, they don't take any notice unless you actually come out and say no, please stop
And you know sometimes you're not quite sure whether something is giving you a no feeling or not
But it's alright to ask people to stop anyway
Remember our song, my body's nobody's body but mine, you run your own body, let me run mine
Say no, you've got to learn to trust your own feelings
Right, enough of the no feelings, who can give me another yes feeling?
I sit down and I cuddle my little kitten and he cuddles me back
Well let's try and practice what we've learned about yes and no feelings
As I tell you this next story, if something starts to give you a no feeling, tell me that's giving me a no feeling
Because I want you to learn to trust your feelings, and also tell me if it's giving you a yes feeling
Okay, let's pretend that it's after school and you're playing and there's nothing much to do, it's a bit boring
And suddenly these big boys come up and they invite just you four to join their special club
And they say that they'll take you to their secret hideout, how does that sound?
Like a yes feeling, because they didn't invite anyone else and we could find a new place to play
Okay, so far so good, now suppose they say that if you want to join this big boys club you have to promise not to tell anyone else about it
Because if you do tell the club's going to lose its hideout
Now Sophie, how do you think you're going to get to that hideout and still keep it a secret?
I can promise not to tell
Yeah, but what if they didn't want you to know either?
They can blindfold us just like blind men's buff, then we won't be able to tell anyone, even if they ask
I don't want to be blindfolded
If you've got a no feeling Sophie, don't go any further
Me too, it feels creepy, I'm not going
I'm stronger than you are, I'm not feeling anything
Nicky, I don't think you should go
I don't care, I'm going to keep going
Well Nicky, let's see what happens
Now they lead you to a hut in the woods and they take off the blindfold
And they say that if you want to stay in their club you've got to take off your clothes and play a game
No, that's not right, I don't like that
So, what are you going to do?
I don't know
First of all, tell them to stop talking like that
But if they go ahead and make you do it anyway, what can you do?
Like if a man was shot, turn to go away, hit his whole body and shout very loud
Right, whatever you do, don't try to fight with them if they're bigger than you
Just keep talking, keep talking, tell them to stop what they're doing
Tell them you don't like what they're doing, tell them you want to go home
So suppose they agree to stop playing those private games
So long as we keep the secret and don't tell anyone, otherwise they'll beat us up
And then what do we do?
Look, there are good secrets like keeping a surprise for a birthday party
But there are bad secrets and they want you to keep a bad secret
So if you're really scared that they're going to hurt you, tell them anything just to get yourself away safely
Tell them that you can't play now, that you've got to go home, but tell them that you'll be back later
Tell them anything
But afterwards, remember that they want you to keep a bad secret
It's a secret that could hurt other children because they might play those same games with those other children
So you should tell your parents or tell an adult that you trust like your teacher or the school nurse
But I think they really will beat him up
The best way to be safe is to tell enough other people
You want to blow a whistle that everyone can hear
Yeah, like when they set up a fire alarm. It's just like a fire, isn't it?
Right, you sound that fire alarm because you have a right to feel safe
Of course, the best way to be safe is not to go with them in the first place
Now, what we've been pretending so far is about people that we don't know
But you can also get a know feeling from people that you already do know
And it's quite hard to say no to these people because you feel that you're always supposed to be nice to them
Or at least you feel that you should do what they ask you to do
Now, let's pretend, Natasha, that you've gone to visit your friend Jean
And when you get there, she's just gone out shopping
But her dad invites you in to wait for Jean to come back
Okay, there you go
Right, there you are, like that
You did that on purpose
It really clumsies on me, let me...
We'll just take this off
I hope no one ever tries that with me
Right, but he is doing it, so she has to do something
First of all, she should look him straight in the eye and tell him to stop
Stop that
Yeah, tend to go away
Just because you give me drinks, that doesn't mean that you have to take my clothes off
And I'll take it home to my mummy to wash
So you're out of the house, what do you do now?
You have to tell your mummy and daddy
Sure, but how do I tell them? I've never had it happen before, so I don't know how to tell
You could tell mummy when I went to Jean's house, her dad spilled a drink on me and tried to take my shirt off
And it gave me a no feeling
Right, if it's hard to explain, you could always take your dolly
And you could use that to point out to your mummy where you were actually touched, where you didn't want to be touched
Or you could draw a picture
And you could point out on the picture where you were touched
You mustn't be ashamed to tell people that you were touched where you didn't want to be touched
You know, sometimes you can get a no feeling even from somebody you live with in your own house
Back when I fought with my big brother, he punched me in the tummy and it hurts me, it even hurts my feelings
That's one kind of touch you don't like, isn't it? Yeah
Let me tell you about another possible problem
Well that's really too bad that you can't go swimming today Sophie, but don't worry because I'll stay with you
It's just not fair, I'm not that sick
Maybe we could do something special, like a bubble bath and an ice cream
I don't want a bubble bath, I'm too old for you to do that now
Don't be silly, we'll have a little game that'll be our secret, just you and me, if you want the ice cream
Well, alright then
Why did you make me touch you like that?
Because we love each other, it's our little secret
But I don't like it, it's not a good secret
It's still our secret and I don't want you to tell mummy or anyone
If you do, I could go to prison and that would be all your fault
Did that give any of you a no feeling?
Yes it did, me too
It gave me a no feeling a lot
Why Nicky?
I don't know, it just did, just a feeling, I wouldn't have liked it to happen to me
That's right, you don't have to have all the reasons
It's enough to know that when anybody is giving you a no feeling, you tell them to stop
But maybe it's her father or uncle, it's family and you have to obey them
Not if they're doing something that you know is wrong or even if you're not sure that it's wrong
Everybody, that's kids and grown ups, they have a right to their own body, don't they?
What happens if you tell someone and he has to go to prison?
Some people don't act right with kids and they need help
You can't protect them from trouble that they themselves have caused
and it's better to say something so that you and the family can get the help you need
You know nothing gets better by keeping quiet about it
I have a family problem about touching and he told the teacher
But suppose grown ups don't believe kids?
That's a really big problem because sometimes grown ups just don't listen to kids
or they don't believe you, they say rubbish or they say how can you tell such lies, you wicked child?
How dare you say something like that?
You've just got to keep trying and keep trying until someone believes you
Just because it's hard, you mustn't give up
Keep trying, keep trying until just one person hears what you're saying and you feel safe again
And remember, just because the person who caused it gets into trouble
it doesn't mean that it's your fault
You were the one who felt hurt in the first place
and you were the one who has a right to feel safe again
OK?
Right, we've been talking about a lot of very difficult no feelings
Let's talk about some yes feelings because there are a lot more of those
Who can give me another yes feeling?
I get a yes feeling when I lie on the floor my big sister Marissa scratches my back
When I sit on my granny's lap and she reads me a story she smells very nice
Let's sing that song again and this time maybe it'll mean a bit more to you
And remember, most people want to help
So if you can remember all the things that give you that yes feeling
then it'll help you to be able to say no to those people who are really bothering you and giving you a no feeling
Tell them to go away and we'll get all our friends around us and we'll sing a song together
One, two, three, four
My body's nobody's body but mine
You run your own body let me run mine
And again
My body's nobody's body but mine
You run your own body let me run mine
When I am touched then I know how I feel
My feelings are mine and my feelings are real
Sometimes it's hard to say no and be strong
When the no feeling comes then I know something's wrong
My body's mine from my head to my toe
Please leave me alone when you hear me say no
My body's mine to be useless I choose
Not to be threatened or forced or abused
They say my body is wonderful kind
I've got to take care of this body of mine
My body's nobody's body but mine
You run your own body let me run mine
My body's nobody's body but mine
You run your own body let me run mine
Thanks for watching!