Hi, I'm Jack Del Rio of the Minnesota Vikings.
And I'm Linda Del Rio.
Today's program is about unconditional love.
Jack and I have been married for four years, and it's no better feeling than knowing he
really loves me.
Unconditional love is such a powerful Christian principle.
It can not only revolutionize your life, but also improve your marriage.
However, too many people feel like they need to earn their spouse's love, as if love were
a reward for being good.
Thankfully, Linda shows her love and support for me through the good times and the bad
times.
It's a love that makes our good marriage even better.
That's right, Linda.
So stay tuned and discover how three couples work through their tragedies by using unconditional
love.
Many times I thought, stop the car, let me out, and when you get a real job, you come
back.
Another woman, I felt, accepted me for who I was at that point.
And because of that, that's when I had an affair.
I wanted a divorce, and I didn't want to go on with the marriage, because at that particular
time I felt it was easier for me.
Hi, I'm Rick Nielsen.
Welcome once again to our video series, Marriage for Lovers Only.
What would you do if there was no friendship or romance in your marriage?
How should a wife deal with an abusive husband who comes home drunk late at night after being
out with the boys?
And what happens to a marriage relationship when financial disaster hits or health problems
bring you face to face with the possibility of death?
Well, today we're going to hear from three couples who have dealt with those heart-wrenching
situations in a remarkable way.
Here we were in a marriage, and it started off stormy.
He didn't trust me, he hadn't given me all of his love.
We tried to communicate, but it didn't work.
All he was telling me was, I want you to do this, and if you do this for me, then I'll
love you.
And I was saying, well, if you love me, then I probably would do those things for you,
because I would feel loved and secure in our relationship.
And so it was a constant battling of wills and a constant battling of expectations, and
neither of us got our expectations met at all.
I wanted her to almost be my savior, per se, and I wanted her to meet my every need.
He decided that since our marriage wasn't going well, that he would try to destroy it
and end it somehow.
I mean, I was abusive, both physically and verbally, and then eventually I left her,
because I just, I didn't want to be around her.
And I knew that if I was to stay around, I'd probably end up in jail, I mean, because it
had gotten that bad.
Six months into the marriage, where I just said, Lord, I just want out of this.
Some physical and emotional abuse had already started.
He would get angry with me and just, you know, be physically abusive, not necessarily punching
me or giving me black eyes or broken bones.
Not that tough of physical abuse, but grabbing me, putting his hands around my neck, pushing
me, and things like that.
And just a lot of emotional and mental abuse, too, a lot of cutting down and saying, I don't
want you anymore.
I became very hurt, very embittered, and then found myself starting to, how do you say,
look to the world to satisfy my needs, because then it was like no matter what I did, I felt
accepted.
If I was going to a bar, everybody accepted me.
I could joke around, have a good time.
Everybody accepted me.
At my job, it was a secular job.
I could say whatever I wanted to, I could joke around, and people would laugh, and that
made me feel good.
And because of that, my relationship with my wife, it just drove a wedge between us.
And basically, I couldn't relate to the things that she would share with me, and I felt like
she wasn't really listening to me.
And because of that, that's when I had an affair, because another woman, I felt, accepted
me for who I was at that point.
When I found out that my husband was in an adulterous affair, he told me about it eventually,
and he knew that it was wrong, and he said that it would stop.
And I believed him, and then I found out that he was still seeing her.
And I just felt so deceived.
There had been so many lies told.
I had to decide right then and there, am I going to show my husband God's love, no matter
how I feel, no matter what I'm going through or not?
And at that point, I decided I had to.
And then I saw that the Lord really was doing a work in her, in Danai, and that she just
started praying for me, and just dropped all her expectations.
The Lord dealt with her as far as loving me unconditionally.
And I know that that was hard, because I was not an easy person at that point to love at
all.
After something like an affair, it's hard to trust.
And it wasn't easy in the beginning.
If he would talk to a woman on the phone, or if he looked at another woman, I thought
he's just looking at her because he's interested in her.
I know one thing for sure, put a lot of insecurities into her.
And that's one thing that I've had to reinforce as far as my love for her now.
I love her unconditionally, that I am committed to her, no matter what.
No matter if we argue, it's like I kind of joke with her sometimes, I say, maybe sometimes
I don't like you and you don't like me, but I love you, and I'm committed to you,
no matter what happens.
One of the things that the Lord showed me was that I did have to forgive him.
And that's not always easy to do, because there's so many hurts.
The words, I'm sorry, are okay, but I think it's an action.
It's not just the words.
So, of course, I had to say, you know, will you forgive me?
I think it was more so just, you know, I'm sorry, but will you forgive me for committing
adultery, for saying what it is, you know?
Will you forgive me for breaking that trust that you put in me, you know?
That bond, by degrading that bond that me and you had made to each other.
And in my actions from this day forward, I will prove to you my love for you, my commitment
to you.
So, it's more than just saying, I'm sorry.
It's actions.
It's been a slow and gradual process, but now that I look back, and it's been a year
and a half, I've seen so many hurts been healed.
When I have needs now, he sees that somehow that they're met.
He cries out to God for me now, and it's so wonderful because it's something that I never
had with him in the beginning.
Although Danai endured years in a loveless marriage, she made the choice to love her
husband no matter what.
And it wasn't easy.
There are many situations in life that make the decision to love seem so much harder,
like abuse, infidelity, or a life-threatening illness.
I remember coming crying, leaving the doctor's office, and all I could think about was not
cancer or not me, but it was why did it have to happen to him.
And I thought about how I would look, I thought about the surgery and if there was going to
be any changes in my physical features, and I just really felt that he deserved more.
And I can remember us sitting on the floor and crying together.
And I think what that did is it kind of got the focus off of what I was feeling, and I
really looked at him and I thought, he's hurting as much as I am.
The next day we went to talk to a surgeon, and he indicated, yes, she has cancer, so
it was confirmed.
At that particular time, it was like to us, it was like the world was coming to an end.
It was like, why us?
I remember telling him that we should get a divorce.
I remember saying that, that I wanted a divorce, and I didn't want to go on with the marriage.
Because at that particular time, I felt it was easier for me to not have to take him
through that.
And I felt that I just didn't want him to go through that.
And I remember my greatest fear, believe it or not, was losing my hair.
And how would I look to him, and I couldn't face him, I just couldn't do it.
She was concerned about my love for her, that it would change, but I told her just what
I'm telling you right now, that when I married her, it was unconditional, and I love her
now more than ever, because I feel that God put me into her life for this particular moment.
And after the surgery, you know, I was very blessed in that I didn't have to have a mastectomy,
but even with the incision, I was very hesitant to want to, for him to see it.
And I remember the first time he kissed the incision, and he said, you're just beautiful.
This is nothing, you know, this is nothing.
And then we were able to laugh about it, and joke about it, and, you know, just make
light of the whole situation.
And this is just another hurdle.
It was just a little stumbling block, but instead of us stumbling over, we kicked it
and continued on, and that's what we're doing.
We're just moving on to another stage of our life.
Sometimes I wish for words to tell him how much he's meant to me.
And it just, there aren't any.
There just aren't enough words to tell him.
And so all I can do is just try to show him, you know, how much he means to me.
And there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for him, because he's done it for me.
Doctors say that a patient's frame of mind plays a large role in conquering disease.
Thankfully, with Leroy's love and support throughout her treatment, Rochelle doesn't
have to say she has cancer.
She can now say she had cancer.
You know, financial pressures plague many families today, and the fear of financial
failure can create anxiety and tension.
Seven years ago, we had bought our own business and fulfilled one of our greatest desires,
to work together and bought our own business and put everything, every asset that we owned,
anything that said asset, it went in, and knowing that when you get your own business,
you're laying everything on the line.
And we had to file bankruptcy.
That was the hardest time when we had our business, and we bought the business not knowing
it was fraudulent, and we put everything, our lives into that, assets, and there was
nothing else to give, so we had to file bankruptcy.
And that was the very hardest time for my wife, because she was basically running most
of the business, and it put a tremendous emotional, physical strain on her.
With, through filing bankruptcy, and the feelings, the emotions, the stress, the depression that
can come, I know I cried for a week afterwards.
And when it was all over with, she unwound like a clock, a wind-up clock, and she was
in the hospital for a couple of days just to unwind from what they didn't know what
was wrong with her.
I would say the most stressful aspect of bankruptcy was starting completely over.
We lost everything, furniture, all we had was pots and pans, dishes, towels, and clothes.
That was it.
No home, and no charge cards, no checking account.
I could have become a very bitter woman.
Many times I thought, stop the car, let me out, and when you get a real job, you come
back.
When you've got it all together and you've reestablished your credit or your credibility,
or, you know, when you have some things, you come back and I'll be ready.
And I thought, how devastating that that could be, because I didn't marry him in things.
I married him as a person, and we made a commitment till death do us part, and for richer or for
poor.
And we've been rich and we've been poor.
Rich is better, but while we were poor, we had to just still keep going on in that relationship.
We realized they can take everything else away, but they can't take our minds, they
can't take us, and our love for each other, and that's what kept us together, was that
love.
Through financial disaster, life-threatening illness, abuse, and adultery, the power of
unconditional love is evident in every one of these lives.
But agape love isn't a magic wand that you wave over a troubled marriage or when times
get tough.
It is the cornerstone of the marriage vows.
So we have asked best-selling author, Dr. H. Norman Wright, to help us understand how
unconditional love should work in every relationship.
In our last program, we discovered that the ancient Greeks had at least five words to
define the various meanings of love.
And as you apply those five types of love, you can actually revitalize your marriage
relationship.
They are that powerful.
Let's go back over the four Greek words for love that we have already discussed.
Eros, which means romance, storge, which provides a sense of belonging, phileho, which is a
friendship type of love, and epithumia, which is expressed through sex.
And now on today's program, we are going to look at the fifth Greek word for love,
agape.
Agape is unconditional love.
You already know how powerful unconditional love can be from the three stories we have
just watched.
So let me give you a few thoughts about unconditional love.
First of all, it is an action that you make happen.
It is a love that you determine to give.
It is not fueled by your emotions or based upon the other person's performance.
Agape love, that is your choice.
Second, you love whether or not they deserve your love.
When things really get rough in a marriage, agape love becomes essential because unconditional
love goes on even when the other person becomes unlovable.
It may be the only thing that keeps your relationship going.
And even in the smoothest of marriages, unlovable characteristics can show up in both partners.
But a person's emotional security comes from being totally accepted.
So there is no substitute for unconditional love.
Third, it requires knowledge.
You may love and accept your spouse unconditionally, and yet they may not feel loved.
You need to find out what makes your partner feel loved.
Is it by the time you spend together?
Is it physical affection?
Or is it constant reassurance of your love and loyalty?
Ask them.
Discover what your spouse wants.
Find out what your spouse desires, and through consistent behavior, meet those needs.
Finally, agape love expects nothing in return.
Let me explain what I mean by that.
The other types of love we have talked about, such as romance, friendship, or sex,
these all require a response from your spouse.
But agape love, that's a gift.
You are seeking to meet the needs of your spouse without demanding that your own needs be met.
It is an absolute commitment to an imperfect person.
So in conclusion, let me say that it's not enough to just say, I love you.
The ultimate test is, by your actions or your behavior, does your spouse feel your love unconditionally?
Sometimes society's idea of love seems pretty selfish.
But you and I have a choice.
We can choose to love without conditions and without rewards and without expectations.
And I realize you may not see many examples of unconditional love in the world,
or you may even be in the midst of a loveless period in your marriage.
So if you and your spouse need help, talk to a friend, talk to your minister, or go to a marriage counselor.
Because in a secure marriage relationship, there can be no conditional clauses.
It makes me feel secure to know that there's one person out there that loves me for who I am.
That no matter what happens, she's going to be there with me.
And no matter what happens, I'm going to be there with her.
It's just a matter of knowing that he's always there and that I can talk to him about anything.
Thank you for watching!