You
Laughs are par for the course in the greatest golf show you'll ever see
Watch some of the unlikely and funny exploits of masters of the game including the biosteros Trevino Norman and Langer
And I don't you do that
We got a few tips for the players as to how they could you best use their time here I haven't no
Welcome to the exhilarating world of speed where daring deeds of the order of the day
You'll be amazed at the need for speed that drives people to do the craziest things
Five crazy titles featuring a feast of hilarious sporting moments when everything goes gloriously wrong
Available now from all leading video stockists
You
From the producers of golf gone crazy three highly acclaimed Tony Jacqueline videos volume one keep it simple
From open championship and Ryder Cup victories to original style golf instruction course management and the psychology of golf
Tony says please no paralysis by analysis keep it simple
Volume two in our golf video library series single figures with Tony deals with the long game
As Tony says the world's a better place after a good round of golf
Let Tony lead you into that world and knock shots off your score as he discusses in detail the long game
In volume three the short game the secret of how to save those extra shots from a hundred yards into the green is unraveled in Tony's own inimitable style
Not too dusty eh? Now available
Hamlet presents
Golf Gone Crazy featuring Lee Walk On Water Trevino
Van Har Hole In One Langer and Tony Keep It Simple Jacqueline with Neil our man on the green Tamin
Introducing Ronald Rookie the Fairway Hazard and listen for the first time to Dem Balls Dem Balls the new number one golf hit single
But first let's join one of the senior members enjoying a quiet cup of coffee in the clubhouse
Why don't I play golf?
Oh I don't know it's cheaper than drink lasts longer than sex I think can't remember really
People play golf for all sorts of reasons financial social fun vanity boredom who knows
But as one who has brought the game into disrepute on three continents on a voluntary basis
I want to give you some non-technical non-professional advice about this crazy world of golf
I want to ease you into it by giving you this advice such as for instance stay at home
Now take our friend Ronald Rookie he's gone beyond advice
But we'll be keeping a friendly eye on him during the day
Of course no matter where you go you'll find variations
In Germany for instance please replace divots becomes bitter off the schlager no or as in Stuecke to her Zetson
Which means by the time you've read the notice you're playing off the front teeth
But I was just interested they're looking at the loft on the club of Langer here this looks to be a very lofted club indeed
Certainly an eight iron
159 160 meters this hole
Oh nearly one
Well two holes in one we've seen this week what a well one German does pretty well off the back tea
In Japan they actually have multi-story driving ranges
Which probably tells you more about Japan than you really wish to know
Well you never know who you'll meet it's Madame Butterfly
Brought her on lunch have you wise girl
Own designer outfit too I have a feeling the rest of that costume will arrive shortly
But wherever you are dress counts dress is very important although in Italy where they very rarely talk about golf anyway
They do say it's not a how you address yourself that matter is how you address the ball
But always remember when you miss a putt you should never address the ball as you
Not done old boy you want a bet
Oh dear has he left the straight and narrow
Or is he simply blanching us
Oh dear what a role if a ball come to rest where a steak tree meant to fill with the players stance or swing relief may be obtained and so it shall
Boots and child
Well and archer control the long bow why not a golf
Long
Bow
Still you have to hand it to him he's very meticulous he will go to any length to get things right
He'll not only go to any lengths he'll move the earth of course he's not supposed to because golf is a game
Where in a ball approximately one and a half inches is placed on top of another ball about 8000 miles in diameter
And the idea is to hit one without damaging the other
And balls them balls them small balls knock around them balls them golf balls them balls them balls them white balls they break the heart of the Lord
Tell your brothers what started it all the Lord made the world in the shape of a ball but along came a dude called
Belzebub with a much smaller ball and a very long club he placed the ball on a white wooden peg in line with the heel of his forward leg
Trying to aim of a game is this dear brother you smack the small ball but avoid the other
And balls them balls them small balls knock around them balls them golf balls them balls them balls them white balls they break the heart of the Lord
Of course basically the essential thing about golf is relaxation because the more you relax the better you play the better you play the more you relax
Would you mind looking over there for a minute
I see it's quite simple really some people are crazy about that no need
Dodging the pass again
What's he doing drilling for water why it's all over the place
Oh dear what a pity poor chap
I wonder how the top pros deal with this some go for a paddle others take it on the hop
He didn't really do that did he
Oh yes he did
Now he knows that only Trevino can walk on water coming through Ronald
But it says nothing about going for a swim with your caddy
I think that's a bit left isn't it
He hung on to a touch
Andy are you there
I'm right there and this is a very difficult shot it's nestling right up against the tree in fact
And well he'll never get at that playing right handed
Exactly you'd have to be left handed to get away with that wouldn't you
And he's still walking up towards the ball he doesn't know the grave error that he's made
Exactly that could be his grave in fact
Can hardly see the ball that's it
Who needs to be left handed all you need is flair and intelligence
Ah great minds think alike
Well he was also watching that that's Tommy Nakajima and I don't know if that ball moved or didn't move
And from the looks of the expression on his face which is generally very implacable but one would think maybe he didn't move it at all
Let's see
Well he's got a couple of disastrous rounds to his credit
We go back in time Mark
Well yes he certainly made a 13 at the 12th at Augusta
And also made a 9 on the road hole at St. Andrews after having been on the green in 2
Putted it into the bunker
And he's there here he comes this is what he did a minute ago
Yeah we've all done that you can see the angle of that club he's turned the toe right in
He's playing backwards I believe and he hasn't done anything I think he's lost that way where's it gone up his left trouser leg
Oh dear oh dear oh dear is it under there in there
Meanwhile back on the course the present PGA champion Mike Harwood in a spot of real bother
In fact I don't even think that the ball is actually touching the ground
How on earth do you play this
Get down on your knees and pray
Oh you're going to play it
Ah the great white shark
Oh dear he's beached
The first rule in golf is always keep your eye on the ball
Even if you're a spectator
Them balls them balls them small balls knock around them balls them
Golf balls them balls them balls them white balls they break the heart of the Lord
Those skyward balls cause the Lord to sigh he said tee them low so they won't fly high
Of golf and heathen cried out to heaven it's a powerful hole why should I take seven
For a change just once can I shoot one or nothing
But the Lord replied in tones of thunder God's the only one who makes the eagles fly
But you might get a birdie if you really try
Them balls them balls them small balls knock around them balls them
Golf balls them balls them balls them white balls they break the heart of the Lord
The first rule of golf is always keep your eye on the ball
Even if you're a spectator
You've heard of pressure.
Well pressure is not about sinking seven, eight foot putts for 200 grand.
No, in the words of that great philosopher, Dr. Lee Trevino, pressure means walking onto
the 18th green, one hole down, playing for ten dollars.
And you ain't got ten dollars.
That's pressure.
In she goes, and in she stays.
One thing you'll never be short of on the golf course is advice, whether you want it
or not.
There was a man who found great difficulty in becoming a member of a golf club because
of his lowly station in life.
Let's say this was in the southernmost part of Ireland.
But anyway it was great difficulty.
He did become a member and he was out one day having a practice round on his own because
nobody else could play with him.
And there he was, belting balls out over ditches and into bushes and over telegraph wires and
God knows where else.
When one of the members happened to spot him and he came out and said, I see you're having
your little problems.
Don't worry about that at all.
It's a phase we all go through, you know, and I've been through it myself, you know.
And you know what I find, I find very therapeutic and I suggest this to you now.
It is all psychological, you see.
It's all up there.
That's the main thing about golf.
It's all up in the mind.
It's all there.
What I find is a great help is to play a few holes without any ball.
Without any ball?
Oh yeah.
Well, of course, to be cheap.
No, no, no, I'm perfectly serious about this, you see, because as I say, it's all in the
mind.
I've demonstrated to you now, we play the next two holes without any balls.
Right, now, first of all, I take my ball, of course, I don't have it.
Oh, I know that, you have no ball, but you're going to put it down psychologically.
You've got the idea.
That's it.
Now, here we go.
Now, you keep an eye on this, won't you?
Why will you?
I'll watch it for you.
Here we go.
Oh, look at that for a tee shot.
You see it?
Bissecting the fairway.
You see it?
Oh, it did.
Great shot, great shot, great shot.
Well, let's see what you can do now.
Oh, shut up.
Excuse me, don't like.
Oh, the pants get really tight.
No, here we go.
Oh.
Well, it's not bad, I suppose.
A worker, anyway.
By God, it's bubbling along there.
You're almost up there with me.
We're like two peas in a pod in the middle of the fairway.
Now, let's play our second shot.
So, they walk forward and they say, now, I want you to keep an eye on this because I
have a feeling I'm going to drop this right in the heart of the green.
All right?
Oh, I will.
I'll keep an eye on it.
I will.
Yes, yes.
Now, here we go.
Ha, ha, ha.
Hoo, hoo.
Ha, ha, ha.
What did I tell you?
Heart of the green.
It's running towards the...
Ha, ha.
It's in the hole.
Ha, ha.
You thought, I did, I did, I did.
Great shot.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Tor.
You lose the hole.
What?
How did we make that out?
That was my bloody ball you had.
Great shot.
Good shot.
Great shot.
Let's see if another angle can reveal the secret of Ronald Rookie's impressive bunker play.
Ah, so that's how it's done.
And welcome once again to our series of golf videos, Single Figures, with Tony Jaclyn.
Volume 2, The Long Game.
Hello, and a very warm welcome to another of my series of golf videos, guaranteed, if
you remember, to knock shots off your score.
Not every shot is shown on screen, so let's just pop behind the scene.
Hello, and welcome to another of our golf series.
Knocks off your...
Yeah.
We come to the basis of the game, the feet, the club head, the ball position, balance.
Tell us about those.
Yes, well, of course, the positioning of the ball is just falling off the bleeding team,
is it?
Lovely, of course, over the years, your swing is as well known and famous as some of the
great names of the game, but how long have you had...
I was a great name of the game, remember?
I thought that was going to be...
I think with that swing, you could have won an open if you'd have really practised.
And I've cocked it up, but don't you do that.
Kept the hands going, kept them in front, and it's a load of old bull at the end of
the day.
God bless you, government.
Pleasure to do business with you.
And you've got Ben Crenshaw, who seems to me to stand a tremendous wave.
Well, you see, I don't know anything about it.
All right, cut.
Right, I'm freezing my...
Off here.
Well, Tony, before we actually go out and play a few holes, we're here on the practice
putting green.
We've got a few tips for the players as to how they could best use their time here.
I haven't, no.
I mean, I haven't.
I mean, I can't.
OK, I've given you ten minutes, so think about it.
Well, here's a little aid to practice.
I'm sure any of you who've got lawns at home can just turn the umbrella upside down like
that and just practice a little wedge play, trying to pop the ball into the umbrella from
various distances.
I can't bloody well do it, but you might be able to if you keep working at it long enough.
You're going to knock shots off your score.
I guarantee you that.
And then it's going to be good for all of us, especially me.
I get a lot of satisfaction out of doing this, and I cock it up occasionally.
But don't worry about that, madam, because I don't give a...
Really?
Right, next.
But despite variations of age, sex, dress, race, religion, temperament, all golfers are
agreed on one thing, that golf is a game of honor.
Or in this man's case, a game of honors.
British Open champ, US Open champ, three times successful Ryder Cup captain.
Forget the giggle we had with him earlier.
This is the real Tony Jacklin.
Not too dusty, eh?
Ah, still no luck with the costume, I see.
Chokes for different folks.
Absolutely, and what a bow.
Terrific shot.
We couldn't have set the stage better.
And look at that smile.
One very important aspect of the game of golf is the word deem.
Because things are never what they seem, they are what you deem them to be.
And this can be very useful.
It can work wonders in Ireland, for instance, where you can argue yourself to a win by deeming
your opponent to know even less about the rules than you do.
Them balls, them balls, them small balls, knock around them balls, them golf balls,
them balls, them balls, them white balls, they break the heart of the Lord.
So millions abandon the power of prayer to worship the swing of the golden bear.
Some put their trust in the Serling cover, and every German is a Langer lover.
They ape, they copy and impersonate.
Whatever they feel makes the great ones great.
They give it the lash in 101 ways, but wouldn't break par in a month or Sunday.
Them balls, them balls, them small balls, knock around them balls, them golf balls,
them balls, them balls, them white balls, they break the heart of the Lord.
Music?
Happiness is a cigar-cooled hamlet, the mild cigar.
Music?
Hmm, that's a brand new one.
Must be his.
Much too good for him.
This one is for you, Ronald.
You miserable little pep squeak I will...
Richard Flood is down there.
What's happened, Richard?
Who am I talking to, Sandy?
Yes.
Yeah, it's Richard Flood here.
I'm down here with Brad.
He's hit the ball, it's hit the tree, it's bounced back, it's hit him in the leg.
We need a doctor out here fast.
We do need some help.
That is what happened.
Well, if they're listening up in the clubhouse and there is a doctor...
We do need some help.
Let's get someone to help us.
We need a doctor.
We do need some help.
Let's get someone down there as soon as we possibly can.
What a dramatic climax to this open.
I've never seen this.
This is very unfortunate.
Golf is not a game for the faint of heart.
Courses are littered with hazards to life and limb.
Come on, ladies, Madame Boya.
Knock this one in and we'll all give you an enormous cheer.
Go on.
Get in, get in, get in.
Look at that.
Ah, wonderful.
That's a marvelous effort, I must say.
Half an inch out.
Well done.
One of the ten richest women in the world, 69-year-old Madame Boya.
And she still carries her packed lunch.
Give him a around.
Obviously.
Golf can be not just a lifelong obsession,
but extend beyond the grave as well.
There was one golfer who was so obsessed
with trying to get into the hole on the 18th green
on his own course, because he'd never managed to power this hole,
that he gave instructions that when he died,
he should be cremated, and his ashes poured into the 18th hole.
That way I'll get into that hole one way or another.
So, on the funeral day, as they advanced across the green
with the iron of ashes to pour them into the hole,
as they tilted the iron, the wind blew up,
and it wafted the ashes into the greenside bunker,
and a heavenly voice was heard to say,
now, get out of that one!
I see Ronald is approaching his 18th green.
Let's see how he's getting on.
Grapevine says they're all square, believe it or not.
What's this?
Prode hit first, can it be that Ronald's out-driven him?
Must have.
Oh, that's a fine shot.
Can't see how Ronald getting inside that.
That's the way the cookie crumbles, and this is some cookie.
But will he crumble?
All he's got to do is hold his nerve.
And the clump just this once.
Oh, well done.
Look at that confident stride.
Swelling chest.
The spring in the step.
He has got inside the pro.
Well, well, well, now the cat's among the pigeons.
Are we looking at a man transformed?
That's it, size it up.
Get the line.
Not from that height you won't, but still.
Trepidation in the pro's camp?
Oh, no, he's not going to do it.
I'm afraid Ronald Rookie has been carried away so much by his love of golf.
But he's making unnatural advances.
Well, this is sizable enough, Pup, but it shouldn't present much problems for a man of his caliber.
Oh, dear, bad luck.
But now the moment of truth is approaching for our intrepid warrior.
Hmm, well, on the surface, seems pretty calm.
Cool, collected.
Hmm, putt a firm at her dress.
That's it.
Well done!
What a putt!
What a triumph!
I suspect there's something more than just a simple handshake involved here, though.
Hmm, not as much.
Well, youth will have its fling, lad, and every dog his day.
So, let's get back to the seventeenth.
No eagles, no bodies.
Just a couple of doggies.
Did you perhaps entertain a smidgen of skepticism about this man, Ronald Rookie, top of the order of merit there on the eighteenth?
Nobody's that big a chump, you say?
Well, somebody is, but it ain't him.
Because lurking coyly beneath the tomfoolery of Ronald Rookie is none other than the talented, fun-formenting, supremely skilled, and generously gifted originator and presenter of the Noel Hunt Learn and Laugh Golf Show.
So look, laugh, and learn.
But don't have a bet.
There's some wood there for you.
But ladies and gentlemen, if you want to get control, you have to find time and hit.
Box, box, and box, and box, and box, and box.
Thank you very much.
Oh yes, here it is.
There we are.
It's part one this, yes.
There's fifteen of these.
So, be very careful when you're trying to discover what golf is all about.
Just learn the simple basics that will eventually help you to develop your own style of play.
Like say for instance, you find the ball lying slightly above the level of your feet.
Now then, once again, grip, aim, stance, posture.
Now turn.
What do you want, fade or a draw?
The gentleman here with the glasses.
Fade please.
The draw.
Right.
The moving ball of a high tee peg, can it be done first time?
Draw.
Here she comes.
I think I'll take that one today.
Thank you.
There they are.
Okay.
What else have we got in here?
Oh no.
I've actually got a club here.
It was discovered when somebody banged his club on the ground.
He did this.
And he didn't have another club in his bag so he had to use it on the next tee.
So he got down there and all he had to do was to make sure that at the top of the backswing he wasn't open.
It's true.
He discovered if he can swing a club like this on plain.
Like an arrow.
Any questions so far?
Any discovered?
Oh no.
He had to fade the ball.
All he had to do was open the club face a bit.
One or two people arrived a little bit late so once again we'll show you what it's all about.
It's all about the control of the club head.
Here we go.
Music.