Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the funniest of them all?
Very typical darling.
I'm kidding.
I'm fine thank you.
I'm fine too.
Audience know that don't you?
Very nasty Pekingese.
Who are darling?
I could have butched Gorilla.
You were never old chooks.
I just thought of goats.
They'd have to be the loudest.
Yeah.
What do you mean?
You're gonna be kidding.
Get into the boat of Blankety Blank's Five-Thirty Weekdays on nine.
In the cities of Europe and America there's now a new concept in typing, a video typewriter.
So advanced it shows you everything you're doing.
So smart it has two computers and can print out the last project while you work on the
next.
So retentive it's too many disks can store an average sized novel.
So simple it probably has fewer keys than the typewriter you use now.
The ease of video typing is here, created by Olivetti, and typing will never be the
same again.
Okay.
But you know what, Joey?
We'll be okay.
Mail call!
Clark, there's something here for you.
Is it in a plain brown wrapper?
Better.
It's perfumed.
Wow, it's from my dad.
Sure, what shade pantyhose does he wear?
My father always writes me through his secretary.
Oh, that's terrible.
His personal secretary.
Well, I think it's really very sweet of your father to take his valuable time...
I mean, his personal secretary's valuable time...
Never mind.
He's coming.
Who?
My fa... father.
Clark, did you stutter?
I used to, but I don't anymore.
My dad is actually coming here.
Well, won't that be nice?
No, it won't.
He's coming here to meet and have dinner with me and my lady.
Clark, I didn't know that you would find... who is she?
Well, you see, that's kind of interesting.
Anyone I know?
Clark, you didn't.
Now, wait a minute. It's not what you think.
You mean you didn't tell your father that I was your girlfriend?
All right, it is what you think.
Clark!
Gloria, please, would you just let me explain?
Do you actually think I wanted to tell him my girlfriend was you?
What?
What I actually meant to say is...
Save it!
Hey, are we buddies?
Or am I crazy?
Smart money says crazy.
Clark, why couldn't you have told your father that someone else is your sweetheart?
Excuse me, kids. What the hell are you two fighting about?
It's a lover's quarrel.
Forgive her. She's a little on edge because my dad's coming to see if she's worthy of my love.
Your dad's visiting?
Friday night, 5 o'clock. Don't embarrass me.
Did you follow that?
Sure, he wants to impress his daddy.
Oh. Well, couldn't he impress him more by his competence on the job?
Not without a lot of help.
Gloria, please. All I'm asking for is one night. Pretend that you like me.
I do like you, Clark.
Pretend I'm a major hunk.
I do like you, Clark.
Gloria, you don't understand.
Gloria, you see, good money...
Back up, Clark.
Sorry.
See, when my dad sees what a knockout I have for a girlfriend, I know he's going to be very proud of me.
Did you say knockout?
See, all while I was growing up, I got the feeling that I didn't measure up to his standards.
What gave you that idea?
I used to say, son, you don't measure up to my standards.
Clark, say I do pretend to be your girlfriend for just this one night. Then what?
Then he'll go away thinking that I'm man enough to win a woman's heart.
Clark, even out of friendship, I'm not going to marry you.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You see, later, I'll tell him I dumped you. Then he'll be sure I'm a real man.
Boy, you sure know how to turn a girl's head.
What do you say?
You promise to never mention me again in your letters?
I promise.
Then okay, tell your father it's a date.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll owe you for the rest of my life.
Longer.
One thing, though, you aren't going to wear your hair like that, are you?
The prizes on sale at the Sentry are no laughing matter.
Isn't it incredible? Can it make tea?
But here's one that will make Tim happy.
Here's $200 cash.
Tony was talking his language.
Nikasa Naruimahi Sikihwa.
In other words, be watching 7 o'clock tomorrow night on 9.
Wait!
Mr. Busbicker.
Here's a hand we'll catch in a minute courier.
Oh, preacher, like this. Courier will take it.
Okay, Reverend.
We'll take the shortcut.
Can't be I-powered, right?
We're taking a charge, Sundays.
Very good, my son.
Tough little son of a truck, I-power.
The new Ford Courier 1 Tonneau.
They don't come any tougher.
Today I'm launching my very own label.
So we're celebrating with the one label that's always in fashion.
I'm getting plenty of orders, too.
Especially for this.
After all, they're all true Scotchmen.
Or not Scotchmen, Scotchmen.
And they always insist on Johnny Walker.
We must see more of your label.
Your red label.
Johnny Walker Red Label Old Scotch Whiskey.
The first choice of true Scotchmen around the world.
Double, double, double, double, double.
Double, double, double, double.
The big news from the big one is you get another go.
Double auto is easier to do.
Double, double, double, double.
Double up your chances, give yourself a show.
Get your coupon in, it's up to you.
Double up, double up, it's easy.
Double up, twice and three.
Double up, there's twice the chance to win.
All of New Orleans.
He has already proved to be one of the most dynamic young yodlers in Australasia today.
His new LP, Yodeling Man, is sure to establish him as one of Yodeling's top recording stars.
She taught me to yodel.
I let her lead, lead, lead.
Yodeling Man, the new LP from Roger Tibbs.
Rockin' over, oh rockin' over.
Yodeling Man from Roger Tibbs, a real landmark in the recording career of a great new talent.
Five o'clock, where is he?
Relax, Clark.
Boy, Mom, you look great.
Oh, gee, thanks, Joe.
Whatcha doin'?
Earning a dollar from Dr. Adams.
I'm supposed to warn him.
Warn him about what?
I can't say, but if I'm a good enough actor, it'll be worth five big ones.
It's a minute late, I'm calling the police.
Oh, come on, Clark, let's give him at least another 30 seconds.
Gloria, tardiness is one thing Dad can't tolerate.
I was three minutes late to my 10th birthday party,
so he said I was forbidden to turn 10 until I was almost 12.
He's here.
Okay, everybody be calm.
Red alert! This is not a drill!
Boy, I'm so nervous. I hope he likes me.
What am I saying?
A limousine? Clark, is he rich?
Of course, he works for the Reagan administration.
Okay, okay, just act casual.
Well, I'll try.
How's this?
No good.
How's this?
Perfect.
I hope you're not embarrassed by emotion. It's been a long time.
Well, hi.
Son?
Dad?
I need a hanky.
Dad, this is...
Gloria!
Right.
Fuck you, Lee.
So, who's the little girl that turned my boy's head and plucked his heart strings?
You're short, damn short.
Yes, and from down here I can see right up your nose.
Isn't she terrific?
Clark.
Oh, Maggie, Maggie, this is Pop. Pop, this is Maggie.
A full-size woman.
It's nice to meet you, Mr. Uly.
Buck.
Pardon me?
My name.
Oh.
I thought you were Clark Senior.
I haven't used that name since 52.
Hey, that's the year I was born.
That's right.