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Oh.
Is it divorced or separated every year?
Millions and millions and millions.
More people than the entire population of the city of New York.
Young people?
Old people?
People in Africa.
In Britain.
In Alaska.
In Australia.
People in almost every corner of every country you can think of.
So many people that it would take a computer to count them.
And lots of those divorced people have children.
Just like your parents have you.
If there were ever such a thing as a school for the kids of divorced parents,
it would have to be the biggest school in the world.
With more girls and boys than you could count in a month of Sundays.
Okay, now hands up everyone whose parents are divorced.
You see, you're not the only ones.
Divorce is not unusual.
Nothing that happens millions of times is unusual.
But why does it happen so often?
Why does it happen at all?
To find that out, we have to go back to a long time ago,
before you were born, and see what happened to your mother and father.
The day that they met each other, maybe by accident,
they liked each other.
They started going out together.
And whatever they did, they seemed to have a good time.
Being together was fun.
So they saw each other more and more.
Until they were seeing each other nearly every day.
Now this next part may be hard for you to believe,
but your mother and father fell in love.
They wanted to be together all the time.
When you both feel like that, living in separate houses is no fun at all.
So, what did your parents do?
They decided they wanted to share a home and live together.
Not only that, they thought it would be great to have children too.
To be one family instead of two people.
And for most people, the way to make that official is to get married.
The tradition of men and women being married before they have children
goes back a long, long way.
Men and women were married in the same year.
They were married in the same year.
Men and women were getting married 3,000 years ago.
And ever since then, people all over the world have been getting married.
It's one way of showing that the man and the woman want to live together
and raise their children together.
Of course, they don't always get married, but most people do.
And that makes us different from many other living beings.
Birds, for instance, often don't have much of a family.
They're very happy to be married.
Birds, for instance, often don't have much of a family life.
Father bird may not even see his own baby,
and the mother's left to raise them on her own.
And after quite a short time, just a few weeks, she's usually had enough.
The young ones are given a friendly hint to go and take care of themselves.
That's the way it is with dogs...
or cats...
or most other animals.
But people are different.
First, because both parents help to raise their children.
And second, because the children might live with their parents for 20 years or so.
And by the time they leave home, they're not children anymore.
They're young adults.
But as you're finding out yourself, it doesn't always work like that.
Because instead of staying married, your parents got divorced.
Even though they never thought they would.
Even though they tried to stay happily married.
Even though they still love you.
And if you think that sounds crazy,
wait till you see some of the things that people have said were reasons why they got divorced.
Some of them are silly, and some of them are serious.
He's so grumpy at breakfast. He's like a bear with a sore head.
Bear with a sore head.
Why does she always leave the cap off the toothpaste?
I think he smokes in his sleep. It's like being in bed with a chimney.
She reads my mail.
He eats too much.
She eats too much.
She talks too much.
He never notices what I wear.
She snores.
He snores.
All these things are just little problems really.
But they become bigger and more annoying when two people aren't happy living with each other.
What you find funny when you love someone can drive you crazy when you don't.
And that's the real reason for divorce. Not enough love.
Just as two people can fall in love, they can fall out of love too.
If that happens, like it has with your parents, it's very, very hard for two people to live together.
Why is it that people fall out of love? Because they change.
As you know, we all change physically as we grow up. We change mentally too.
Adults are supposed to have got through most of their changing by the time they get married.
They're supposed to know what they want and how they want to live.
For a time, most married couples want the same things.
Your mother and father both wanted you, for instance. But over the years, they kept on changing.
They started to want different things. And that's where the problems can start.
These changes can come along so fast and be so big that suddenly it's like being married to someone you hardly know.
Two people who used to be in love have turned into strangers. And you're in the middle of it all.
If your parents stayed together, you'd all be unhappy. So they decided to split up and hope that they, and you, will be happier because of what they've done.
It's hard to believe that now, but wait and see. They could just be right.
As if there weren't enough reasons why people get divorced, here's one more. And it's important enough to tell you about separately.
It often happens when two people are going through their changes and problems.
Right out of the blue, with no warning, one of them meets and falls in love with someone else.
This makes life more difficult for everyone. If you're the parent who has fallen in love with someone else, how can you explain that to your kids?
If you're the other parent, you feel more unhappy than ever. If you're the someone else, you know you're making extra problems for everyone, especially for the kids.
Nobody plans it, but that's the way it sometimes is.
Whatever the reasons were for the divorce in your family, you end up living with only half your parents, or sharing your time between the two of them.
Let's suppose it's your father who's left home. It's easy to feel that he doesn't love you anymore because we've walked out.
And yet, when you think about it, the family home is for the family.
It wouldn't be fair if your father kept the home just for himself, because then you'd all have to find somewhere else to live.
The other thing to remember is that most fathers are not very good when it comes to cooking, or dealing with the washing machine.
Or cleaning the house, or generally doing all the things that mothers do better.
And mothers are sometimes not too good at doing what dad used to do.
When you start doing things you've never had to do before, it takes a bit of time to get them right.
But somehow or other, each of your parents has to cope with all of the problems of running a home.
And somehow or other, one of them has to look after you, as well as everything else.
So just remember, it's not a question of which parent loves you more, it's which parent can take care of you best.
You've probably noticed that for as long as you can remember, whenever you get upset or angry, it's always somebody's fault.
Divorce is something that makes everybody upset and angry.
So what does everybody do? Blame everybody else.
But it's not as simple as that.
Divorce isn't their fault.
It's certainly not your fault.
It's partly his fault.
It's partly her fault.
But they didn't get married with the idea of getting divorced.
They're even more sad than you are.
Try not to blame them too much.
No matter how you feel right now, one day you'll understand that divorce is hardly ever just one person's fault.
So try not to take sides.
Who knows, divorce might not be all bad.
At least your parents won't be fighting each other.
They may even have a little more time for you.
And when you spend time with your father and your mother separately, something interesting happens.
You start to see them as people rather than parents.
They start to see you as a person rather than one of their kids.
It's a bit like making friends with two new people and trying out two different kinds of life.
And after a while, that can be fun for all of you.
You might even find that one day, because people often get married again, you'll be the proud owner of a brand new pet.
It's going to feel strange at first. Living with someone new always does.
There's someone new in the bedroom.
Someone new in the bathroom.
Someone new coming home every night.
But once you get used to each other, that can be fun too.
Because a new person in your life can get you doing all kinds of new things.
Spending some days underwater.
Having picnics in the rain.
Taking rides instead of driving.
Making movies where you star.
So you see, divorce may not be all bad.
Because it can sometimes end up making everybody happier.
But right now, you have a job to do.
While your parents are living separately, chores that used to be shared have to be done by one person.
Your mother has to take care of everything in her house, and it's the same for your father in his house.
Not all the extra work. They're both worried about you.
Will you be okay? Will you be able to cope with school?
Will you be able to cope with the divorce? Of course you will. And this is where your job comes in.
Part of it is doing your share around the house.
Oh.
Ah.
The most important part though, is to let them know you love them as much as they love you.
And they'll still love you even if one day they meet someone else.
But at the moment, they're feeling pretty sad because they know they've made a mistake.
And they've been unlucky, just like millions and millions of other parents.
You've been unlucky too, just like millions and millions of other kids.
In time though, they'll all come through it. So will you.
And so will your parents. You'll see.
Oh.