Is there anything else you can tell us?
Well, like I said before, pal, these things really move.
I'll let you tell you, this is one beautiful machine.
I'll tell you, all that chrome, the way she sits up high like this.
Talk about performance, not to 100 in 2.5 seconds.
The spoilers.
What was Outer Space like?
Outer Space, oh, you can't describe it.
Um, um, unruly, unruly.
Look, I've been to lots of places called the Speedway,
but first, I've seen them all.
But let me tell you, Space is better.
Yeah.
And bigger.
No, mate, no.
Look, I don't want to get physiological or nothing, right,
but we're not ordinary blokes like Prowsey and me.
We get to cruising around in Outer Space
about one million miles away from our home family and loved ones.
You realize that there's only one place where it all really counts?
The pub.
Yeah, tell me.
I'm just in time.
I'm a scientist.
I believe in the logical examination of all physical events.
Actually, he's a Sagittarian.
They love to travel.
I believe in cause and effect.
Oh, throw a pinch over your shoulder, dear.
I reject the notion that propelling sodium chloride into the air
will improve my career prospects.
If you finish your tea, I'll read the leaves.
I reject the notion of herbal prognostication.
It's a bag.
Oh, they're harder.
In short, I believe there is a rational basis
for everything that happens in this world.
You're not going to the office?
Yes.
Oh, but today's the 22nd.
You know the numerologist said 22 was a terrible number for you.
For God's sake, we're adults.
We live in the 20th century, not the Dark Ages.
Now, be rational for once.
And I say that as a Sagittarian.
Now, where's that salt?
Worshipers of Satan, prepare the ceremony.
Step into the pentacle.
Place your left foot inside.
Face towards the Prince of Darkness.
And...
You want your red foot in?
Your red foot in and shake it all around.
Hello, everyone.
Thanks for coming.
Jeff, always a pleasure.
Come in, come in.
Not too cold for you?
No, fine.
A cup of tea? I wouldn't say no.
Marge is just in the living room.
Yoo-hoo! Hello, Reverend.
Hello, Marge.
Has Jeff offered you tea?
Yes, he has.
How are you, Marge?
Fine, Reverend.
Jeff seems to think you're worried about something.
What's the problem?
I'm possessed by the devil.
Milk!
No, thank you.
What makes you think you're...
Oh, little things. Jeff was the first to notice it.
Yes, I was about eight years ago, Reverend.
Is it that long?
Yes, and Ray and Gina's welcome home.
They'd been to China.
Marge had gone on ahead to pick up Kevin and Val,
but they never arrived.
Being late is no crime.
I killed them.
Then she drank her blood.
Does that sound like the devil's work?
Doesn't sound good.
I'm sorry, Tim. It's the Tanniforgies.
On weeknights.
She's been intimate with the Prince of Darkness.
I have, I'm afraid. Twice. No, three times.
Both our children are his.
Children?
Yes, Nick's at Cubsford.
But he'll be home soon and Carly's in the kitchen
playing with the crucifix.
Darling, can you come in here for a minute?
Say hello to Reverend, dear.
Hello, Reverend.
This is the cabbage patch doll.
Would you like to kiss my dolly?
Miss Ariel, house comes, dear.
All right.
You know the Reverend, don't you?
Hello, Reverend.
That's Mr. McKendrick, the Cub leader.
Oh, put a canner over there with his family, please.
It's his little badge.
Oh, don't smoke if you have to
and take your clothes off the table, please.
More tea, Reverend?
Oh, Lord, I beseech thee, cast out.
Reverend, what are you doing?
I'm trying to exorcise the devil.
But that's not our problem.
It isn't?
No, it's the couple next door we're worried about.
They're Jewish.
Speak to us, Percival Blandstone.
Are you there, Percival Blandstone?
Just to have a word would be nice.
I feel a presence.
Is that you, Percival Blandstone?
Yes.
You may speak with your husband, Mrs. Blandstone.
Hello, Perce.
Hello, baby.
How are you?
I'm well.
Good.
And how are you?
Good.
Have you...
After you.
No, after you.
Have you got your rug?
Yes.
But how are the drains?
Fine.
Mrs. Grange-thorn's had another big op.
Yes, I know.
Oh, you know.
We take the sample, put it in here, calibrate this, set that,
adjust that knob and we record which of these lights flash on and off.
What does it do?
Causes the lights to flash on and off.
Makes all the other equipment obsolete, really.
Useless?
Absolutely.
Scrap metal, rubbish, chuck everything else out.
We've got the spurious limits indicator.
That's all we need.
Well, is the indicator useful, Professor?
Useful? Look, it's plugged in.
Turned on, absolutely.
Does it do anything?
Do anything. Look how big it is.
The one before was half the size.
We tossed that one right out.
Why is this one better?
It's twice as big.
Fifty-four.
Any thanks.
Professor, this spurious luminance indicator,
I mean, what is this project all about?
We're trying to find the K-factor.
Oh, is it?
Maybe not. Can't take that risk, though.
Catch 22, really.
What is the K-factor?
If we knew, we wouldn't be searching for it.
108, Professor.
Oh, that's a big one.
I'll tell you this.
The Americans are working on an identical project,
and I do believe we're way ahead of them.
Oh, in what sense?
They don't even know it's the K-factor they're looking for.
Sixty-nine, Professor.
Sixty-nine?
Can he do that?
Standing on his head.
Oh!
This couple were once in quota.
They both, for over eight years,
tried unsuccessfully to have a child.
Finally, as a last desperate measure,
they agreed to sleep together.
I'm sorry when I did manage to have one successful pregnancy
about three years ago,
but I fell over coming down some very steep stairs,
and we lost the child.
You miscarried.
No, it fell out of my hands,
and we never found it again.
That's the world under the carpet.
Have you checked?
No. Hang on a tick.
In a last ditch attempt to bear children,
the Reynolds turned toward the in vitro fertilization program
being run in Melbourne.
Mrs. Reynolds is now four months pregnant.
Oh, look, it's just been great.
The staff have been terrific,
and they've agreed to that it's both me here for the decanting.
I couldn't be happier.
For Gary Reynolds, the program has changed his life.
For years, he was believed infertile,
but with a lot of support, a small test tube,
and some very fine Swedish publications,
Gary may soon be a father.
What do you plan to call the baby?
We decided to name it after its mother.
Pirates.
Ladies, is your womb letting you down?
Have you been childless for years
because your ovum couldn't make an omelette?
Well, have I got a deal for you.
Introducing the revolutionary Test Tube-O-Matic.
Yes, this exciting new concept in home bottling
allows you to enjoy the thrill of childbirth
in the privacy of your own home all year round.
Just look at what you get.
A uniquely contoured plastic womb
designed to fit anywhere,
plus half a litre of top-grade sperm,
hand-selected by our experts here at Brian's Seed Shop,
and two dozen free-range ovum.
Now, how much would you expect to pay
for this exciting home birth package?
Well, don't answer, because with Test Tube-O-Matic,
you also get this obstetric knife set
and matching colander absolutely free.
Trust Brian Seed? Sure can.
So, why wait?
Just state, come and see us at Brian's Seed Shop
and let me impregnate you.
Hi.
I'd just like to show you my new Triple X camera.
It's got all the latest features and a little bit more.
You just can't go wrong with one of these.
Come on, let me show you.
APPLAUSE
MUSIC PLAYS
What's going on?
You mustn't marry that man!
He is the incarnation of all evil.
Is this true? No.
Hey, you'd better taste this thing.
Once again, the force is a good triumph.
Oh, shut up!
SCREAMS
SCREAMS
I'm...
I'm a dead woman!
We're all dead women!
LAUGHS
Let's see the writers get out of this one.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
You're an Australian.
You know the importance of drinking a light beer,
but you still want to experience the full flavour
of throwing up in the gutter after closing time.
New 1.1 Extra Light.
Scientifically brewed to let you sink over 30 glasses an hour
and still make it home to commit acts of domestic violence on the wine.
Now, can you feel a 1.1 coming up?
LAUGHTER
On some planets, they don't have advertising.
It's pathetic, really.
On some planets, they actually believe their taste buds are on the top of their head.
Advertising.
They'd probably notice it more if they could pick up Channel 10.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC PLAYS
LAUGHTER
And now, some exciting scenes from next week's episode.
LAUGHTER
It's beaches, it's sun, it's taking it easy.
Hey, cool guy, what's your drink?
Mine's Tango, flavoured mineral water,
with all the goodness of 95% chemical additives.
Carts! Carts!
Who wrote this dribble?
How do you expect anyone to buy mineral water
if we tell them it's 95% gunk?
Fix it up!
It's beaches, it's sun, it's taking it easy.
Hey, cool guy, what's your drink?
Mine's Tango, flavoured mineral water,
with all the goodness of 5% real fruit juice.
LAUGHTER
Now, I've asked Colin to present to us today
some plans for a nuclear waste complex
to be located in the basement of the opera house.
So, I think without further ado,
I'll get Colin to tell us what he's come up with.
Erm, gentlemen, ladies,
I would just like to say,
when I was first approached to do this job,
I went home and I looked at my wife and my two kids
and I started thinking long and hard
about the consequences of what I'd been asked to do.
And I would like the minutes of this meeting
to record my total and unequivocal abhorrence
to this whole scheme.
But the whole idea is absolutely monstrous.
It poses the gravest possible threat
to the people of this city, to the harbour,
to the ecosystem for now and for generations to come.
It would in short be the most short-sighted act
of lunacy we could ever undertake.
And I would like every word of this protest
to be recorded in the minutes of this meeting
and made available to the public.
Well, Colin, as a fellow scientist,
I respect your opinion.
And I respect your right to voice that opinion.
With the minutes of this meeting,
please note Professor Hugh's objections.
Now, Colin, perhaps you'd like to outline your plans.
Yeah, well, I've put the main reactor under the drama centre
with a toxic waste solution up towards the ground.
They say there's a bear up there,
a big bad grizzly bear with teeth and claws.
And wouldn't he like to get that big black muzzle of his
right into our honeypot?
We need an eagle up there, too.
The eagle will make sure old Mr. Bear never steps out of line.
That's what SDI, Strategic Defense Initiative, is all about.
You probably know it better as the Star Wars project.
But heck, it's not really about war at all.
It's about preventing war.
You know, maybe there isn't a bear up there.
Or maybe the bear's asleep. So what?
If he is, and we have SDI,
boy, we can really bomb the crap out of those Russians.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ron.
I wasn't supposed to say Russians, was I?
Sorry.
Yep, the beautiful thing about this little baby
is its potential for the use against dwarf mercenaries
aiding and abetting the communist menace in Central America.
Dwarves, John?
Yes, sir. This missile explodes horizontally,
releasing a spray of razor pellets and napalm
about yay high above the ground,
wiping the smile off the face of any armed dwarf contingent
that might happen to be in the vicinity of the explosion.
The commies have dwarves?
Trust no one, Carl.
Instead, Director, let's give those short-ass middle-pigos help.
Does this weapon have any negative side effect?
No, but we're aware of.
Is there a danger that it may also kill children?
Our computer boys indicate that 99.8% of children
exposed to this weapon would die from the unavoidable side effects.
What about the other 8.2%?
Exceptionally tall children may escape
with a non-fatal injury to the lower shin.
Is there a moral conundrum here?
I don't see why. Heck, no.
Our numbers people indicate that your average commie kid
grows up into your average commie killer.
So your bomb would stop this?
Yep, 99.8%.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, Rusty, look at my little boy. Isn't he beautiful?
Hey, come and play with Daddy's new toy, huh?
Oh, you know something?
He's really wonderful with children.
Five, four, three, two, one.
Thunderbirds are go.
What is it, Alan?
Bad news, Dad. Australia is under nuclear attack.
This looks like a job for international rescue.
I'll alert the team, son. You keep us informed.
Over.
Virgil, will you come in here, please?
I'm almost here, Dad.
Close the door, son.
Never mind.
Sit down.
What is it, Dad?
Australia is under nuclear attack.
Oh, no.
What is it, Dad?
Australia is under nuclear attack.
Oh, no.
Where's Australia, Dad?
Brains, will you come in here, please?
A new invention, Mr. Tracey.
Two parts gin, three parts vodka.
Brains, where is Australia?
I think it's the capital, America.
I'll check on the map.
Virgil, I want you to look after this one.
Do you count Scott or Gordon Gold?
No. Remember the last mission?
Yeah. They were in the pool at the time.
I want you to take Thunderbird, too.
F-A-B, Dad. I'm on my way.
No.
Australia is a small English colony.
What can we do, Brains?
A map indicates a lot of dead space in the middle.
We could explode it there.
What, the map, Brains?
No, the missile, Virgil.
This looks like a job for international rescue.
We've done it. Let's save Austria.
Another happy ending.
R-R-R.
Austria?
I said Australia, Virgil.
Wah, wah, wah, wah.
Ten years ago, who would have thought we'd be walking about the streets
with speakers on our ears?
But now we have the new Walkman Mark II.
It enables you to listen to full stereophonic sound wherever you go,
and at the same time, enjoy your music in the appropriate atmosphere.
This watch is good for 30,000 feet under the sea.
Platinum casey, accurate within a tenth of a second a year.
A tenth a year.
Can you believe that sort of accuracy?
What is the time?
About our past.
Uh, number five.
23-year-old aboriginal.
God, look at her.
Him, sir.
Well, let's make a start.
Um, extensive bruising to all parts of the body,
broken limbs, nose and skull.
Looks like he's been thrown out of a window,
picked up and thrown again.
Where has he found?
In a West Australian police cell.
They're waiting for the cause of death.
Tonsillitis.
Here we are, alone once more.
I don't know what you left me for.
But now you can be sure.
I want our love to last,
not be buried in the past.
Come to me, I'll kiss your face,
I'll brush away the last of your trace
and put your hair in place.
Our love will never cease,
I won't let it rest in peace.
We're still in love,
I won't let our love just end like this.
I won't let it end without a kiss.
We're still in love.
We're still in love.
We're still in love.
Put your pretty hand in mine,
looking at your fingers,
there are only nines
that we're careful next time.
Our love will never fade,
not while I've still
got a spade.
We're still in love.
We're still in love.
Right, I'm getting a very strong vibration
from this side of the room.
There is someone here called Jeff
who is a mechanic.
No, does anyone know anyone
called Jeff who is a mechanic?
Has anyone ever been to a mechanic?
You have, yes, I knew that,
I knew that all along.
You, madam with the eyeglasses,
you're short-sighted, aren't you?
I can tell that because the aura
surrounding you is very blurry.
I can also sense that you're very unhappy,
darling, you've just lost someone close,
your husband perhaps.
Can you tell me, was it in tragic circumstances?
In the foyer, mixed up with tickets,
right again.
Now, is there anyone in the audience
who has a loved one actually in the other world?
We're looking for a loved one in the other world.
You, sir, and your wife's name?
Doris, how lovely.
When did she pass away?
Just last week.
And you're enjoying the comedy here tonight, are you?
Good for you, sir, lovely, lovely.
Right, now you, darling, I want you to think
of a number between 1 and 10.
No, don't tell me.
No, I'm not getting anything.
Have you thought of one yet?
Do you know a number between 1 and 10?
No? Well, perhaps we'll move on to someone
with a few more numerological skills,
or perhaps I could do an interpretation of a dream.
I do dreams. How about you, sir?
No, don't wake up, darling.
It's much easier asleep.
I can see a train rushing into a tunnel.
I mean, travel.
And I can see corks popping and fireworks exploding
and a young woman sitting on a horse waving a banana.
No, the horse is eating a banana.
No, the woman's eating a banana.
And she's wearing what looks like a school uniform
and waving what seems to be a continental sausage.
No, I've no idea what that could mean. I'm sorry.
I'm happy for us to read your palm, darling.
No, too hairy. Never mind.
Now, finally, everyone, I want everyone to join hands.
Perhaps not you, darling.
Everyone join hands, and we will attempt to make contact
with the other side.
Please join hands, everyone.
Right you are.
Now, all concentrate.
I feel a force. Yes, we are about to summon a voice from the dead.
Is there anyone there?
Yes.
We have a voice. We have someone.
Hello, we have a voice from the dead.
Who is it?
It's the Governor General, Sir Nitty and Stephen.
Good evening. My death?
I'm not dead. I'm not.
Absolutely 100% fighting sick.
Every cell in my body is not dead.
Absolutely 100% not.
Absolutely 100% not dead.
Every cell, every cell.
But that's not dead.
Absolutely 100% fighting sick.
Every cell in my body is not dead.
Absolutely 100% not.
Absolutely 100% not dead.
Every cell, every cell.
Doubling the brain aren't too well, but...
That was the Governor General of Australia.
Thank you.