Come here, kitty!
Chow-chow-chow!
When my cat eats Purina Cat Chow, everybody's happy.
Purina Cat Chow! Chow-chow-chow!
He's a happy cat, because he loves these six yummy flavors.
And I'm happy because he gets a good, solid meal.
So, with Cat Chow, we turn on every meal.
Chow-chow-chow!
Chow-chow-chow! Purina Cat Chow! Chow-chow-chow!
Now, there's our happy cat.
One, two, three, wait for me.
Chow-chow-chow!
I guess it was about a year ago something really different happened to me.
The inventor of this machine, the Torso Track, asked me to give him one minute of my time.
I did, and for one minute I did this exercise.
I could have done more, but he said, that's enough.
Well, the next morning, when I woke up,
my stomach burned, my abs burned, my chest, obliques, and my back.
I felt like I had spent hours at the gym.
I knew I had to have one of these machines.
Well, it has been a year now with my Torso Track,
and I just want to say I'm in the best shape of my life.
It doesn't matter if you're just starting to work out,
or if you're Frank Zane, three-time Mr. Universe.
Torso Track will adjust to your fitness level.
Now, how about giving me a minute of your time?
Call, and we'll send you a Torso Track to try, risk-free.
Call now, and we'll send you a Torso Track to try in your own home for one month, risk-free.
If you decide to keep it, we'll give you a year to pay, interest-free.
Order your Torso Track today.
Call 1-800-821-2498.
Wow! Isn't this neat?
Hurry up! I'm on another runway!
She's such a prima donna.
Now, if you feel that you can't go on
All of your hope is gone
And your life is filled with much confusion
Reach out, reach out for me
What will life be like for our children 20 years from now?
I'll be there
That all depends on what we teach them today.
And I'll be there
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.
Nice Internet connection, Terry.
I've seen paint dry quicker.
And you know a faster way, Howie.
Well, as a matter of fact, Radio Shack showed me high-speed Internet access.
High-speed?
Yeah, you can load pictures, graphics, and videos fast as some people can think.
In some people's case, maybe even faster.
It's fast, and it's always on.
Come see high-speed MSN Internet access available at the new Microsoft Internet Center at Radio Shack.
Let's call our new puppy Jack.
Yeah!
Uh-oh, paw prints.
Uh-oh, he got into the garbage.
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. It's from Clorox, so it's more than clean.
And now, introducing our new paper towel-size wipes.
This year, over 400,000 aluminum radiators will corrode and fail.
But Prestone Antifreeze bonds with aluminum, forming the Prestone Zone of protection against corrosion.
It's your car. Protect it in the Prestone Zone.
In one weekend, you're guaranteed 135 differences of opinion, 76 straight-shootin' similes.
I'm gonna get after you like thunder after lightning.
And one no-nonsense marshal.
I want you out of town in one hour.
You get it all on Gunsmoke Fandemonium Weekend.
It's 48 hours of the best because every episode is fan-selected at tvland.com.
Sure sounds good.
Gunsmoke all this weekend for TV satisfaction guaranteed only on TV Land.
This holiday, break with tradition with a terrier's chocolate orange.
Which chocolate with a touch of orange flavor you whack and unwrap?
Terry's, the original chocolate orange, smashing good taste.
Here's another breakthrough from Craftsman.
It's the Clench Wrench, available only from Sears.
All jobs become easier when you have the right tool.
For stubborn nuts and bolts, you need super gripping power.
With the Craftsman Clench Wrench, the harder you pull, the tighter it grips.
As you apply more pressure to the handle, the pivoting jaw holds the bolt tighter and tighter.
And Craftsman's headlock design grips nuts and bolts on the flat,
away from the corners for less damage or rounding off.
The Clench Wrench automatically self-adjusts to 15 popular standard and metric size nuts and bolts.
So there's no guesswork.
This convenient tool can do the job of all these wrenches.
So you only need one tool for dozens of household and automotive projects.
At 1999, the Clench Wrench is a real value.
And because it's a Craftsman hand tool, made in America, it's guaranteed forever.
Its heat-treated, laminated steel plate construction provides maximum strength and durability,
so the Clench Wrench can take on the toughest jobs.
Even an old bolt with rounded corners is not a problem for the Craftsman Clench Wrench.
And the contoured, rubberized handle is easy on your hand.
Its pivoting jaw leverages more grip to the bolt, so the job is done tight, done right.
With its spring-loaded jaw and easy-open thumb lever, the Clench Wrench is a snap to use.
Once in place, it's self-ratcheting.
Just swing the handle back and it automatically resets.
You don't have to remove and reposition it after each turn.
And its versatile, one-handed design works in either direction.
Just flip it over.
Socket wrenches don't always fit into tight spots.
The Clench Wrench is a slim half-inch wide, perfect for narrow places.
Finally, a self-adjusting ratchet action wrench that not only fits, it actually grips.
Sears, the good life at a great price.
Guaranteed.
Have your Sears or other credit card ready and call 1-800-593-9559
to order your Craftsman Clench Wrench for only $19.99 plus shipping and handling.
Call 1-800-593-9559 now.
A fun can begin.
Showtime original pictures for all ages.
Award-winning stories the whole family can enjoy
with top Hollywood stars, directors, and writers.
Share the adventure. Share the fun.
Showtime original pictures for all ages.
The place where imagination knows no age.
Only on Showtime.
Part of the Showtime Package.
Just $15 more with any total choice package.
The Showtime Package.
Nine channels, 700 programming choices.
What television should be.
A different movie every hour.
A package that offers you movies, specials, championship boxing, kids' programs, and more choice at a great price.
The Showtime Package.
It's why you love TV.
Part of the Showtime Package.
Just $15 more with any total choice package.
It's a daily grind.
Dealing with the dregs, the bitter, the sour.
Something funky's always brewing at the 12th Precinct.
Nick Yamana's coffee.
It's a crime.
I would hesitate to call our coffee a crime.
A shame, maybe.
Oh, that's a crime.
New York's finest drink the world's worst coffee.
On Barney Miller.
Weeknights at 8 only on TV Land.
These are the songs that change the face of pop and R&B.
Now, for the first time, you get 16 number one hits on one incredible album.
The Face Records presents The Platinum Collection.
The Platinum Collection has one million selling smash after another.
You'll find all of your favorite artists delivering the biggest hits of their career on The Platinum Collection.
TLC, Whitney Houston, Pigs, Toni Braxton, Usher, Boyz II Men, Outkast, Don L. Jones, and more.
Order The Platinum Collection now through this exclusive TV offer and get 16 hits that went straight to the top of the charts.
These are the songs that you love from the hottest stars and contemporary music.
You're gonna want to call your friends and tell them this is the one collection that's got it all.
Every song, a certifiable smash.
Call now and order The Face Records presents The Platinum Collection.
1598 cassette, 1898 CD.
It's a greatest hits collection that lives up to its name.
Call now.
Now you know his name.
Scratch is here.
Scratch is there.
Watch out.
They're everywhere.
You'd have to pay a professional hundreds of dollars to repair this damage, right?
Not anymore.
Introducing CBX 3000, the professional secret that makes scratches disappear in just seconds.
Stay tuned and you'll find out how you can get this revolutionary new scratch remover absolutely free.
Call right now and you'll get CBX 3000 absolutely free.
Just for filling out a simple survey to help us launch CBX 3000 in our retail stores.
CBX 3000 bonds with your car's finish to remove marks and scratches and restore your car's showroom finish.
Watch how it works.
Just rub CBX 3000 into the scratch, buff it, and the scratch is gone.
The secrets in this new revolutionary formula.
CBX 3000 is made up of a super fine crystalline matrix that bonds with the surface of the paint to eliminate scratches, swirl marks, water spots, even road star and paint.
Watch what happens when we key this new car's surface.
Would you do that?
But right now, with CBX 3000, just buff it on and the scratch is gone.
And CBX 3000 works on all color cars and all kinds of finishes.
And here's the best part.
Call right now and you can get CBX 3000 absolutely free.
That's right.
Before we introduce CBX 3000 to retail stores, we're giving it away absolutely free.
All you have to do is call the 800 number on your screen.
When you receive your CBX 3000, you'll be asked to fill out a simple survey form and you'll receive a free bottle of this revolutionary new scratch remover just for participating.
You'll get CBX 3000.
And as a special bonus for ordering today, you'll receive a free 30-day trial membership in America's Advantage Discount Buying Club, guaranteeing you the lowest prices in the country on more than 250,000 products and services.
I just saved $250 and best of all, it's free.
To get your free CBX 3000, have your credit card ready. All you'll pay is $495 shipping and handling.
And call the number on your screen.
You'll get your free CBX 3000 plus your 30-day free trial membership in the America's Advantage Discount Buying Club.
Sorry, no CODs or personal checks.
Don't delay. Call and get your CBX 3000 scratch remover today.
The comedy's heating up.
This month, a direct ticket pay-per-view.
Getting his man means becoming a woman.
Big mama be here.
A big woman.
Martin Lawrence.
Nia Long.
Damn, you fine.
Big mama's house.
They're not your ordinary men of God.
Shabbat shalom, everyone.
And she's no ordinary angel.
Ed Northam.
Ben Stiller.
And Jenna Alfner.
Keeping the faith.
And she had a heart transplant.
She's looking for Mr. Right.
Look how natural it looks.
And everything's going wrong.
This is Bob.
His wife is dead.
David Duchover.
Mini Driver.
Return to Me.
He was their hero.
Now there is only David Marquez.
Scott Conn.
Ready to rumble.
When East meets West, there's no telling what direction they'll go.
Jackie Chan.
Owen Wilson.
Shanghai Noon.
Comedy that's in your face.
This month on Direct Ticket Pay-Per-View on Direct TV.
Why does a Tootsie Roll last such a long, long time?
Because it's all chewy part.
When you chew the chocolatey outside, you're really chewing the inside.
Because the chewy inside goes all the way through to the chewy middle.
From your first to your last chew,
a Tootsie Roll is chewy all the way through.
In fact, inside every big Tootsie Roll, there are exactly 700 chews.
Exactly.
Boom, baby.
On December 15th, beware.
You threw off my groove.
You've thrown off the emperor's groove.
Sorry.
What happened?
I threw off the emperor's groove.
Whoa, no touching.
The rhythm in which he lives his life.
Oh, yeah.
His pattern of behavior.
Ah.
Tasty.
I threw it off.
Now I feel really bad.
Bad llama.
Don't throw off his groove.
Disney's The Emperor's New Groove, rated G.
Beware the groove.
In theaters December 15th.
You can clean and clean,
but the first thing people notice when they come into your house is,
does it smell clean?
That's why I use PineSaw.
I get the cleaning power of PineSaw, plus long-lasting scents.
Because, honey, that's what PineSaw is all about.
Mommy, Daddy, Santa's here.
Hurry, hurry.
Whoa.
Those must have been some cookies you left, Santa.
I didn't leave them cookies.
I left them cheese.
Ah, the power of cheese.
This year, over 400,000 aluminum radiators will corrode and fail.
But Prestone Antifreeze bonds with aluminum,
forming the Prestone Zone of Protection Against Corrosion.
It's your car.
Protect it in the Prestone Zone.
Hey, Bob.
Morning.
When you have a cold, even small tasks are a big pain.
So get back your focus.
Get DayQuil, the daytime non-drowsy congested stuffy head,
sore throat, coughing, aching, fever,
so you can get back your day medicine from the makers of NyQuil.
Good move.
So even if you're watching TV because you can't sleep,
why would you want to buy a home gym at 3 in the morning?
No half-hour infomercials, actual TV shows all night long.
Reason number 27 that people turn to TV land for TV satisfaction.
Keeping the faith.
And she had a heart transplant.
She's looking for Mr. Right.
Look how natural it looks.
And everything's going wrong.
This is Bob.
His wife is dead.
David Duchovic, mini-driver.
Return to me.
He was their hero.
Now there is only home with David Arquette, Scott Conn, ready to rumble.
When East meets West, there's no telling what direction they'll go.
Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Shanghai Noon.
Comedy that's in your face.
This month on direct ticket pay-per-view on DirecTV.
I am starving.
Well, I'm eating.
Eating what?
It's pasta any time.
What is?
What I'm eating.
You take it out of the cupboard, three minutes.
It's pasta any time.
It's what?
It's pasta any time, new from Classico.
Now it's easy to get in shape and stay fit in the convenience of your own home
thanks to Sears, America's number one fitness source.
The Sears Exclusive Life Flex Home Gym is a total body workout machine
with a compact, space-saving design.
You can perform over 90 body-shaping exercises.
And its convenient folding design is perfect for my small apartment.
From beginner to advanced workouts, the Life Flex Home Gym helps you achieve
the fitness results you want.
Sculpt your arms, chest, back, and shoulders.
Firm and flatten your abs.
Trim and shape your hips, thighs, and legs.
The Life Flex Home Gym is just $5.99.99 with free delivery.
Because it's from Sears, you know your satisfaction is guaranteed
or your money back.
It's a great way to get lean, toned, and more flexible.
And you can build all the muscle you want.
Work every major muscle group from a single station.
Switching between exercises takes only seconds.
It's really easy to use.
The Life Flex Home Gym's solid construction and cast iron weight stack
are the same quality you'll find at the health club.
The adjustable seat ensures proper form and comfort
and doubles as a sturdy free weight bench.
And you'll also receive the angled arm pad for an intense bicep workout.
The low row bar to sculpt your arms and back.
The ankle strap for targeting the inner and outer thighs.
And the ab strap to really flatten your stomach.
The Life Flex Home Gym is available only from Sears,
America's number one fitness source.
Look and feel your best with the Total Body Workout Machine
that fits easily in your home.
Now we get to spend more time together,
doing something that's good for both of us.
Sears, the good life at a great price, guaranteed.
Call 1-800-414-9988
to order your Sears exclusive Life Flex Home Gym with free delivery.
Have your Sears or other credit card ready.
Call 1-800-414-9988.
Open wide.
In your mouth, not on the floor.
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes.
It's from Clorox, so it's more than clean.
And now, introducing our new paper towel size wipes.
Your weekend will never be the same
because the show always will be with Fandemonium.
One show, 48 hours, for TV satisfaction, guaranteed.
Only on TV Land.
Why is she dancing?
With her cat?
New Fresh Step crystals.
It controls odor five times better than regular litter.
That's why they dance.
New crystals from Fresh Step.
Always a step ahead.
This is my mom.
Another perfect holiday.
I was seven and mom was amazing.
She always knew to make Chex Party Mix.
The good stuff, all seasoned and toasted fresh from the oven.
I ate it with both hands.
So did my uncle.
You know what's great about the holidays now?
It's my turn to be mom.
32, 33, 34, 45, 46, 47, 50, 451, 452.
Cold symptoms keeping you awake?
What?
Get Nyquil.
The nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head fever
so you can get to sleep, you need to feel better, Madison.
Little body, foo, foo.
Now when I was a young boy
At the age of five
My mother sent me a bee
The greatest man alive
I'm a man
I'm a four grown man
I'm a man
Nature replenishes herself four times a year.
We recommend six.
Because the fresher your river filter
the cleaner your water.
Coming to Showtime.
A young experiment frees Molly from a lifetime of autism.
Hello, Buck.
Now she's a child of three.
Molly, hot, hot.
A woman of 28.
Will you be my date?
Yes.
And a miracle waiting to happen.
Something extraordinary.
Elizabeth Chu.
Getting smarter by the minute.
Erin Eckhart.
She is not going back to being a vegetable.
Molly, this month only on Showtime.
Part of the Showtime package.
Just $15 more with any total choice package.
A movie of historic proportions.
Prehistoric.
The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas.
Playing this month on direct ticket pay-per-view on DirecTV.
What is it?
Is everyone in the world a teenager?
Shows with grown-ups in them.
Reason number 43 that people turn to TV land for TV satisfaction.
Planning a big family holiday?
Club Party of Six.
Better make some room at the table for Eddie Murphy.
And the ho, ho, ho, clump family.
From our family to yours.
That's right.
Yeah, that's right.
Spend the holidays with the biggest family hit of the year.
Circling, circling.
Maddie Professor II, The Clumps.
Own it on video and DVD.
Home for the holidays December 5th.
Look what I got for dinner.
Ooh, language.
Daddy, can I start dating?
Of course you can start when you're 28.
Mom, can I have another Manwich, please?
Of course, honey.
Make it Manwich and make it fun.
Introducing New Bounce Color Smart.
Finally, color protection in your dryer.
It helps keep your clothes looking fresh and bright every day.
New Bounce Color Smart.
When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love for spark
And have a little faith in me
It's easy to feel lost in this world.
Have a little faith in me
But through others, you can often find yourself.
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.
Mommy, Daddy, Santa's here.
Hurry, hurry.
Whoa.
Those must have been some cookies you left Santa.
I didn't leave them cookies, I left them cheese.
Ah, the power of cheese.
In one weekend, you're guaranteed 104 quick changes.
22 insinuations.
You get the impression you're leading a double life.
And the one man who makes Lois weak in the knees.
I know.
Superman.
You get it all on the Adventures of Superman Fandomonium Weekend.
It's 48 hours of the best because every episode is fan-selected at tvland.com.
Superman all next weekend for TV satisfaction guaranteed.
The comedy's heating up.
This month, a direct ticket pay-per-view.
Getting his man means becoming a woman.
Big Mama be here.
A big woman.
Martin Lawrence.
Neil Long.
Damn, you fart.
Big Mama's House.
They're not your ordinary men of God.
Shabbat shalom, everyone.
And she's no ordinary angel.
Ed Northam.
Ben Stiller.
And Jenna Alfman.
Keeping the faith.
And she had a heart transplant.
She's looking for Mr. Right.
Look how natural it looks.
And everything's going wrong.
This is Bob.
His wife is dead.
David Duchovic.
Mini Driver.
Return to Me.
He was their hero.
Now, there is only David Arquette.
Scott Conn.
Ready to rumble.
When East meets West, there's no telling what direction they'll go.
Jackie Chan.
Owen Wilson.
Shanghai Noon.
Comedy that's in your face.
This month on direct ticket pay-per-view on DirecTV.
You're guaranteed gun smoke all weekend long.
Sure sounds tempting.
For TV satisfaction, guaranteed with another TV land fan pneumonia weekend.
In 1964, four men from Liverpool came to America and changed the world.
Oh, yeah, I'll tell you something.
I want to hold your hand.
The Beatles won the ultimate collection from the greatest band in history.
Twenty-seven of the Beatles' number one hits available on one CD for the first time ever.
It's been a hard day and night.
Help, I need somebody.
Help, not just anybody.
Help, you know I need someone.
The Beatles won. Seventy-nine minutes and twelve seconds that brought the world together.
Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes.
Special packaging includes the famous Richard Avedon photos of the Beatles and a 32-page full-color annotated booklet.
Hey, Jude, don't make it bad.
Oh, get back together.
Get back the way you once were.
The Beatles won.
Twenty-seven number one songs that started a revolution and changed the sound of music forever.
The Beatles won.
Twenty-seven of the Beatles' number one hits available on one CD for the first time ever.
If you want to order The Beatles won, call the number on your screen or send 1898 for CD or 1198 for cassette plus shipping and handling to the address below.
Call now.
Ladies' love, Stan the Man, Wojo.
Oh, he won't leave me alone, Martin.
He's got the threads, the foxy, too.
The smoothest rap in town.
All right, freeze!
Yes, Wojo's got mojo.
I'm a prisoner of my biological urges.
We like to call him Mojo Poets.
Oh, you mean because I sleep around a lot.
For TV satisfaction, watch Mojo's Mojo-A-Go-Go on Barney Miller, weeknights at 8, only on TV Land.
This year, over 400,000 aluminum radiators will corrode and fail.
But Prestone antifreeze bonds with aluminum, forming the Prestone zone of protection against corrosion.
It's your car.
Protect it in the Prestone zone.
When we asked some denture wearers why they don't use an adhesive, they didn't have a whole lot to say.
I don't need it.
Our dentures fit fine, thanks.
I've not a problem in 15 years.
But then they tried Fixident, and they couldn't say enough.
Makes them feel a lot more natural.
I just plain forget I have them.
They actually fit better.
That's because Fixident gives even the best-fitting dentures a better fit.
It just proves you never know until you try.
Fixident and forget it.
There are those that say you can't please all of the people all of the time.
To which Walgreens would reply, well, we're going to try anyway.
With everything from the very latest technology that makes your prescription records available immediately
at any of more than 2,500 Walgreens pharmacies from coast to coast,
to service that's literally around the clock.
What's more, with TouchTone WeFill and auto-prefill services,
your prescriptions are ready when you want them.
And while all of this still may not please all of the people all of the time,
we're happy to report a warm reception from some very important segments of the population.
Transferring your prescription to Walgreens is easy.
Call 1-800-WALGREENS, we'll do the rest.
These colors, they're dull, they're stained.
They're perfect.
What?
For me, Clorox 2.
What Clorox Bleach does for whites, I do for colors.
These colors are bright.
They're perfect.
Clorox 2, the Clorox Bleach for colors.
Good evening, chaps.
This evening's targets are mom, mom's apple pie, and mom's garbage pail.
So, good luck and good eating.
What a raid this is gonna be.
What a what?
Raid!
Raid, house and garden bug killer, indoors or outdoors.
Okay, bombs away.
No, bugs away.
What kills bugs dead?
Get raid.
The comedy's heating up.
This month, a direct ticket pay-per-view.
Getting his man means becoming a woman.
Big mama be here.
A big woman.
Martin Lawrence, Neil Long.
Damn, you fine.
Big mama's house.
They're not your ordinary men of God.
Shabbat shalom, everyone.
And she's no ordinary angel.
Ed Northam, Ben Stiller, and Jenna Alfman keeping the faith.
She had a heart transplant.
She's looking for Mr. Right.
Look how natural it looks.
And everything's going wrong.
This is Bob.
His wife is dead.
David Duchovic, mini driver.
Return to me.
He was their hero.
Now, there is only David Arquette, Scott Conn, ready to rumble.
When East meets West, there's no telling what direction they'll go.
Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Shanghai Noon.
Comedy that's in your face.
This month on direct ticket pay-per-view on DirecTV.
Re-watch-ability.
This is the story I've been telling you.
Now, that's what I call music volume five.
Absolutely the best music of the year with nine days and in sync.
Maybe when you find the beat, you get to know somebody.
It's gonna be your favorite CD.
It's gonna be me.
It's my life, and it's now or never.
Now, that's what I call music volume five.
The biggest hits from the biggest stars.
Doesn't really matter what they say.
Cause I'm in love with you in the beginning.
Doesn't really matter what they believe.
What matters to me is you're in love with me.
Maybe when you're laying at home.
The club is full of ballers and their pockets full of gold.
Nineteen hits on one jumpin' CD with Destiny's Child, 98 Degrees, and Cisco.
Now you know my life is...
Complete your collection with Janet, Bon Jovi, and Jessica Simpson.
I think I'm in love.
All on one amazing new CD.
I'm in love with you.
Got me doing silly things when it comes to you.
Give me one more love.
When you order Now 5 with your credit card or by check debit,
you'll also receive this limited edition car visor CD holder absolutely free.
People all around you got to get it.
Everyone together sing it loud.
I'll get it.
Get your copy of Now That's What I Call Music, volume five, right now.
Now 5 is here with today's biggest artists and biggest hits,
including Britney Spears, Three Doors Down, and B.B. Mack.
All the hits, all the music on one super CD.
It's never sounded so good.
Now That's What I Call Music, volume five.
To order Now That's What I Call Music, volume five, call the number on your screen.
Or send $18.98 for CD or $15.98 for cassette plus $4.95 shipping and handling to the address on your screen.
Rush delivery available, so call now.
We vote because I say we vote.
Go online to tvland.com today.
Look what I got for dinner.
Ooh, manwich.
Daddy, can I start dating?
Of course you can start when you're 28.
Mom, can I have another manwich, please?
Of course, honey.
Make it manwich and make it fun.
In 1964, four men from Liverpool came to America and changed the world forever.
The Beatles won the ultimate collection from the greatest band in history.
All 27 of The Beatles' number one hits, available on one CD for the first time ever.
The Beatles won 79 minutes and 12 seconds that brought the world together.
The full packaging includes the famous Richard Avedon photos of The Beatles and a 32-page full-color annotated booklet.
The Beatles won 27 number one songs that started a revolution and changed the sound of music forever.
The Beatles won.
To order The Beatles won, call the number on your screen or send 18.98 for CD or 11.98 for cassette plus shipping and handling to the address below.
Call now.
Now you can own Three's Company on home video.
Oh my God!
Over 16 episodes of Jack, Janet, Chrissy and all their friends.
You looking for me?
Yeah.
You can buy Lucille volumes of four episodes or 16 episodes in a special collector's box set.
And receive the best of Three's Company, hosted by Lucille Ball, absolutely free.
Hello.
So call 1-800-852-9680 or visit our website at threescompany.com to order Three's Company today.
Introducing New Balance Color Smart.
Finally, color protection in your dryer.
Keep your clothes looking fresh and bright every day.
New Balance Color Smart.
While most people claim to watch PBS, documentaries and financial news, the rest of us like to watch movies.
That's why there's the Movie Channel.
It's 24 hours of movies that are funny, goofy, charming, dramatic, scary, nutty, exciting, sad, quirky, thrilling, haunting.
120 different movies a month.
The Movie Channel.
Part of the Showtime package on DirecTV.
A fun can begin.
Showtime Original Pictures for all ages.
Award-winning stories the whole family can enjoy.
With top Hollywood stars, directors and writers.
Share the adventure. Share the fun.
Showtime Original Pictures for all ages.
The place where imagination knows no age.
Only on Showtime.
Part of the Showtime package.
Just $15 more with any total choice package.
You're watching Fandemonium on TV Land.
For TV satisfaction guaranteed.
Exercise is great, but it's hard.
Say goodbye to getting hot, sweaty and tired.
With the Jiggle Bell.
This scientific system works by shaking your fat.
It's fun and easy.
Just listen to this convincing, unsolicited testimonial.
Jiggle Bells. The pounds will melt.
The Jiggle Bells. You should excel.
The Jiggle Bells as seen on TV Land. TV satisfaction guaranteed.
Let's call a new puppy Jack.
Yeah.
Uh-oh. Poor Prince.
Uh-oh. He got into the garbage.
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes.
It's from Clorox, so it's more than clean.
And now, introducing our new paper towel size wipes.
Who believes Crest MultiCare Whitening really works?
They do, of course.
All the protection of Crest MultiCare will also help whiten with every brushing.
Crest MultiCare Whitening.
Take your healthy smile all the way to bright.
Don't let your teeth be left in the dark.
There's a toothpaste that fights cavities.
Stingy tartar buildup freshens breath with every brushing and it's so complete, it whitens, too.
Crest MultiCare Whitening. Now that is a bright idea.
What can you do for yourself and your career that's like putting money in the bank?
Simple. You can invest in yourself by training at home for a better career.
At Harcourt Learning Direct, more than 10 million men and women have trained for job promotions
and new careers without ever setting foot inside a classroom.
And now, at home in your spare time, you can get your career diploma
or even your specialized associate degree from the Center for Degree Studies.
Choose from any one of these courses.
High school, home inspector, medical transcriptionist, auto mechanics, electrician, bookkeeping,
medical office assistant, PC repair, private investigator, veterinary assistant, medical insurance clerk,
motorcycle repair, PC specialist, legal assistant, pharmacy technician,
or get your specialized associate degree from the Center for Degree Studies.
You can major in business management or accounting.
Here are those courses again. So call right now for free information.
There's absolutely no obligation.
Call 1-800-664-4151 for free information.
There's no obligation. That's 1-800-664-4151.
Are you nuts?
Don't you get it? I'm gonna smell like fresh wildflowers.
Sorry, boys. Only Clorox gives you the new, clean scent of fresh wildflowers
with the whitening power of Clorox bleach.
Nice try.
Try new fresh wildflowers, Clorox bleach.
Close your eyes. Look at your hair.
Ew.
Slime worms?
Why, it's plastic worms and purple slime.
Snakes are too big.
Open your hands.
They can't be alive.
They're slime worms.
Close your eyes.
The white worm.
I love it.
Aww.
Slime worms comes with six plastic worms and it's new from Mattel.
The comedy's heating up.
This month, a direct ticket pay-per-view.
Getting his man means becoming a woman.
Big mama be here.
A big woman.
Martin Lawrence.
Neil Long.
Damn, you fart.
Big Mama's House.
They're not your ordinary men of God.
Shabbat shalom, everyone.
And she's no ordinary angel.
Ed Northam.
Ben Stiller.
And Jenna Alfman.
Keeping the faith.
And she had a heart transplant.
She's looking for Mr. Right.
Look how natural it looks.
And everything's going wrong.
This is Bob.
His wife is dead.
David Duchovny.
Mini driver.
Return to me.
He was their hero.
Now there is only home.
David Arquette.
Scott Cahn.
Ready to rumble.
When East meets West, there's no telling what direction they'll go.
Jackie Chan.
Owen Wilson.
Shanghai Noon.
Comedy that's in your face.
This month on Direct Ticket Pay-Per-View on DirecTV.
This weekend, TV Land is Aunt Bee free.
Ooh.
Stay tuned for more of this 48-hour gunsmo.
Fandemonium Marathon only on TV Land.
You wanted the hits.
You asked for the hits.
Now get the hits.
Totally Hits 3, the awesome new hits collection.
The year's biggest hits from the year's hottest artists, including Madonna, Matchbox 20, and the latest smash hits by Kane.
Totally Hits 3 is not just what you want, it's what you need.
Call the number on your screen and order Totally Hits 3 right now.
Totally Hits 3 is the only collection that gives you hits by Toni Braxton, Next, Vertical Horizons, Christina Aguilera, and the new singing sensation Dido.
Totally Hits 3 hits everything you want.
Just call the number on your screen right now and get this year's hottest hits collection.
Totally Hits 3 hits the bomb, baby.
To order Totally Hits 3, call the number on your screen or send 1898 for one CD or 1598 for one cassette by shipping and handling to the address on your screen.
Fresh delivery available. Call now.
Okay, okay. What if I don't want to watch an hour-long drama at 10?
Half-hour comedies at 10.
Reason number 15 that people turn to TV land for TV satisfaction.
Planning a big family holiday?
Club Party 6.
Better make some room at the table for Eddie Murphy.
And the Ho Ho Ho Club Family.
From our family to yours.
Spend the holidays with the biggest family hit of the year.
Eddie Professor 2 The Clubs.
Own it on video and DVD. Home for the holidays December 5th.
Well, the family's out tonight.
Yeah, mine too.
I am starving.
Well, I'm eating.
Eating what?
It's pasta anytime.
What is?
What I'm eating.
What you're eating is what?
It's pasta anytime.
It's what?
It's simple. You take it out of the cupboard. It's perfectly sealed.
Three minutes, you got a great pasta meal. It's amazing.
So it's pasta anytime.
Exactly.
What is?
It's pasta anytime.
It's what?
It's pasta anytime. New from Classico.
A facial? Well, how's three weeks from Thursday?
Sorry, she's booked.
Impossible.
Introducing Olay Daily Facials Cleansing Cloths.
Oh, please.
Oh, I'm sorry. No, no, no. That's impossible.
Textured clods proven to cleanse and massage like a facial.
Also improve skin's condition day after day.
Sorry, she's booked.
Sorry, she's booked all month.
I have an opening Sunday morning at 6 a.m.
New Daily Facials Cleansing Cloths from Olay.
Proven to cleanse and exfoliate like a facial.
We've combined serious drain cleaning power with technology of the future.
It's Liquid Plumber Foaming Pipe Snake.
Clear slow drains, cleans pipe walls.
Liquid Plumber Foaming Pipe Snake.
This weekend, TV Land is completely Aunt Esther-free.
Watch it, sucker.
Take Esther's advice and watch it.
Watch this 48-hour Fandomonium Weekend Marathon only on TV Land.
My kids call it the red mask.
This red thing on my face.
My grandkids kept staring at me.
It's red.
It's just a red mask.
My grandkids kept staring at me.
It's red.
It just wouldn't go away.
All over my face.
Yuck.
I could feel it.
I didn't know what it was.
I thought it was sunburn at first.
I mean, redhead.
Sunburn.
Thought I had a skin allergy.
Getting acne in my 50s?
It's weird.
I felt a little paranoid.
So I'd be sitting across from the client.
He's not listening to me.
He's looking right here.
I felt ashamed.
Millions of people have it, but don't know what it is.
It's called rosacea, and it can get worse if it's not treated.
So if there's redness on your face that doesn't go away, see a dermatologist.
And call this toll-free number for free, helpful information.
Plus a list of dermatologists in your area who can treat rosacea.
Treatment was simple.
I'm definitely looking better.
No more red masks.
See a dermatologist and call today.
Isn't it time you got your face back?
This is what I'm supposed to look like.
Looking pretty good these days.
You look hot.
Well, what do you think?
Stay tuned for more Big TV Satisfaction with TV Land's Fandomonium Weekend.
CBX 3000, the professional secret that makes scratches disappear in just seconds.
Stay tuned, and you'll find out how you can get this revolutionary new scratch remover absolutely free.
Call right now, and you'll get CBX 3000 absolutely free just for filling out a simple survey
to help us launch CBX 3000 in our retail stores.
CBX 3000 bonds with your car's finish to remove marks and scratches and restore your car's showroom finish.
Watch how it works.
Just rub CBX 3000 into the scratch, buff it, and the scratch is gone.
The secret's in this new revolutionary formula.
CBX 3000 is made up of a superfine crystalline matrix that bonds with the surface of the paint to eliminate scratches,
swirl marks, water spots, even road star and paint.
Watch what happens when we key this new car's surface.
Would you do that?
But right now, with CBX 3000, just buff it on, and the scratch is gone.
And CBX 3000 works on all color cars and all kinds of finishes.
And here's the best part.
Call right now, and you can get CBX 3000 absolutely free.
That's right, before we introduce CBX 3000 to retail stores, we're giving it away absolutely free.
All you have to do is call the 800 number on your screen.
When you receive your CBX 3000, you'll be asked to fill out a simple survey form,
and you'll receive a free bottle of this revolutionary new scratch remover just for participating.
You'll get CBX 3000, and as a special bonus for ordering today,
you'll receive a free 30-day trial membership in America's Advantage Discount Buying Club,
guaranteeing you the lowest prices in the country on more than 250,000 products and services.
I just saved $250, and best of all, it's free.
To get your free CBX 3000, have your credit card ready.
All you'll pay is $495 shipping and handling, and call the number on your screen.
You'll get your free CBX 3000, plus your 30-day free trial membership in the America's Advantage Discount Buying Club.
Sorry, no CODs or personal checks.
Don't delay. Call and get your CBX 3000 Scratch Remover today.
Suzy Chapstick has changed her name.
Call me Suzy Chapstick.
Hey, Suzy Chapstick.
This is real Chapstick weather, so Chapstick is the only name for me.
Chapstick Lip Balm helps keep wind and cold away from your lips.
Suzy Chapstick!
It keeps the natural moisture in, helps heal chapped lips, too.
So when it's Chapstick weather, just remember me, Suzy Chapstick.
These are the songs that changed the face of pop and R&B.
Now, for the first time, you get 16 number one hits on one incredible album.
The Face Records presents The Platinum Collection.
The Platinum Collection has one million-selling smash after another.
You'll find all of your favorite artists delivering the biggest hits of their career on The Platinum Collection.
TLC, Whitney Houston, Page, Toni Braxton, and more.
Order The Platinum Collection now through this exclusive TV offer and get 16 hits that went straight to the top of the charts.
Don L. Jones and more.
Order The Platinum Collection now through this exclusive TV offer and get 16 hits that went straight to the top of the charts.
Whatever you want from me, they're giving you everything. I'll be your favorite tonight.
These are the songs that you love from the hottest stars in contemporary music.
You're gonna wanna call your friends and tell them this is the one collection that's got it all.
Every song a certifiable smash.
Call now and order LaFace Records presents The Platinum Collection.
1598 cassette, 1898 CD.
One, break my heart, say you love me again.
It's the greatest hits collection that lives up to its name. Call now.
The Showtime Package. Nine channels, 700 programming choices. What television should be. A different movie every hour.
A package that offers you movies, specials, championship boxing, kids programs, and more choice at a great price.
The Showtime Package. It's why you love TV.
Part of The Showtime Package. Just $15 more with any total choice package.
Thanks for the movie generation.
Cool and timeless. Movies you love. Movies you remember. All your favorites all the time. Check us out.
Thanks for the movie generation.
Part of The Showtime Package. Just $15 more with any total choice package.
Always something on. TV satisfaction guaranteed on the double. It's a twice as nice morning with back to back episodes of your favorite shows right here on TV land.