On Friday, a child goes missing.
Dear God, where is he?
We'll find him. You mustn't give in.
Leaving a small town in terror.
There's a man in the alleyway.
It's a community divided by dark secrets.
You satisfied now?
Until another grim discovery.
I hope she wasn't too frightened.
Reveals a deadly past.
I think I know who killed her.
And a desperate woman's anguish.
Why my child?
You're not alone.
Becomes a cry for help.
Am I saving you or are you saving me?
A startling Ruth Rendell mystery with Inspector Wexford, Friday.
I just wanted to do what normal kids do.
G'day Scott.
Do you wanna come and play?
I remember the first night I actually walked into a scowl meeting.
Let's go, let's go.
It was a real battle, not just turning around.
But we did it.
Me and my mates.
Fair name, can.
Scouts can do anything.
They're back and ready for the big time.
Let's go the wrong way.
With all your old favourites and a few new ones.
The Muffet's Tape Manhattan, 6.30 Sunday.
Ten.
Oh, ten.
Give me ten.
Wow, give me ten.
This program proudly brought to you by Kellogg's Coco Pops.
And Peter's Billabong.
Sneaking in right on time.
Only one thing on our minds.
Through the door to another reality.
Any place, anywhere you wanna be.
Change me, me.
Hey, we're stuck in again.
Hey, hey, hey, G-Droid.
Good morning.
I'd like to say a very big happy birthday to...
Alicia Solomon, who's nine years old today.
Well, we got email here.
Birthday.
Email.
Well, this is from...
Well, it says, hello, Jayden, Ryan, our names are Joshua and Nathan-el-David.
Davies, yeah, that's right.
He's 11 years old and comes from Wagga Wagga.
That's Wagga Wagga.
Right now, we'll see you right after Garfield.
Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends.
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends.
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends.
Come on in, Garfield and Friends.
Ah, here it is, my old ventriloquist dummy.
Yuck.
Must have termites down here or something.
Hold your cards up, Odie. I can't see where I marked them.
Garfield, I agreed to do my ventriloquist act at the children's hospital tomorrow.
That's right, make sick kids sicker.
The termites in the basement have ruined my old dummy.
I'm going to go out and buy another one.
Yes, sir, I got a ventriloquist dummy for you.
It's the homeliest, silliest looking dummy you've ever seen.
Ha, ha, very funny.
Do you have any other ones?
Oh, well, I'm not sure. I'll have to go and have me a look around in the back room.
Let's see now, a ventriloquist figure.
Where would I put that?
I guess I don't have one back here.
Oh, well, I... Oh, wait, there's one.
That's funny. I don't remember you, fella.
I must be getting on in years.
I found this. Looks like it's carved out of high quality wood.
I'll take it. This will be great for my act.
It's odd. I didn't see that dummy before.
It's just like it come out of nowhere.
Well, tell me, little Jimmy, what are you studying in school?
My teacher says I'm going to be an astronaut.
An astronaut?
Yeah, she says I'm taking up space.
And now little Jimmy will sing a song while I drink a glass of water.
Ready, Jimmy?
Ready, Mr. Rockbuckle.
Oh, give me a home!
John should never do this act when there isn't a lifeguard around.
You know, that's the most lifelike dummy I've ever seen.
I can't wait to do my act tomorrow. Good night.
Some ventriloquist.
His lips move more in one joke than mine have in five seasons.
Someone's opened the refrigerator. It isn't me.
It looks like I've been in here before.
I'm not sure.
It looks like I've been in here, but I haven't.
Now, what are we going to do about breakfast in the morning?
I didn't. That is, I know it looks like I did, but I didn't, and I...
I suppose you want to blame it on Odie.
He'll do.
I'm really disappointed in you.
I guess I wouldn't believe me either if I were him.
Eh, Odie wouldn't do that.
I don't know who could have done it.
Calling Supreme High Command. This is Agent Colak.
How goes the chest up to disguise?
Excellent, Supreme High Command.
Our physical look and our skin, so resembling Earth's wood, makes for a perfect disguise.
Any problems yet, Colak?
Just one. This stupid-looking guy keeps sticking his hand up my back.
Proceed with the invasion preparation.
Here is a computer projection of our next phase.
All Earth people will be our puppets, doing as they are told.
They will be our slaves, waiting on us.
If they do not, we will lock them up in suitcases.
Oh no, I'd better get to John.
Uh-oh, someone may have spotted me. I must sign off now.
Wake up! Wake up!
I can see the road. What, Garfield?
This had better be important.
There, he's from another planet, and he's going to enslave mankind and womankind, and maybe even cat kind, and he's...
He's alive, really, truly, really and truly.
I wonder if you can trade in a cat and get two parakeets or something.
I know he sounds like wood, but don't forget, Odie's head makes the same sounds.
It won't work, cat. He'll never believe you.
My test is complete. We know now that Earthlings will not suspect us until it is too late.
Huh?
Don't try to figure it out now. We have to save mankind.
A first invasion craft is nearing your location.
Excellent, Supreme High Command. What's that?
Oh, just some termites.
Ha! You think our colonizers are going to be scared by some...
...termites?
Yeah, you know, little bugs that eat everything in the house that I don't, especially wood.
No, no! Get them away from me! Stop!
Help! Help, Supreme Command! Cancel the invasion plans!
Well, Odie, I saved the world again.
But do you think I'll ever get credit for it?
John will probably find something new to complain about tomorrow morning.
Garfield, there are termites in the living room now.
Told you.
I'll have to call in an exterminator. Do you realize how many things in this house are wooden?
Just Odie's head and your acting.
And my new dummy is gone, too. I don't understand.
But I have to go do my show. Where am I going to get a dummy now?
Unless...
Oh, no. Not me. No way.
Okay, kids. Kids, settle down.
Now, we have with us a very special guest today.
Let's give a nice welcome to John Arbuckle and his friend Garfield.
Thank you, thank you! We're happy to be here, aren't we, Garfield?
We sure are, Mr. Arbuckle.
Hey, it's show business.
Say, the garbage man is outside.
Tell him we don't want any!
Cheers, baby!
At first glance, you may think these two all-American families have nothing in common.
I grumble!
But there are some scary similarities.
How is everybody's day at school?
It started out terrible and got worse.
Pointlessly horrifying!
They both know how to deal with life's little problems.
I don't want some strange, hairy things growing in the refrigerator.
Don't talk!
Please don't talk!
In fact, they're so similar, they could be neighbors.
There's butt-sims at home or at a motel?
It all starts with the Brady's Six O'Clock Weeknights.
Hey, how you doing?
You want to hear something way cool?
Yeah.
I was skating down the road the other day.
And this real bad dude broke into my way.
So I turned into a puddle.
Boy, was he in trouble.
And the shopkeeper said,
Take your pick, wrap your laughing gear around a billabong stick.
Billabong, bill, billabong, bill, billabong.
Get lucky in the game of life.
The game of life is better than ever.
Go to school, get a job that's cool.
And the person with the best life wins.
Get lucky in the game of life.
I'm a millionaire!
The Game of Life from Milton Bradley.
Warner Brothers Family Entertainment presents a brand new kids' video for you.
The Pebble and the Penguin.
Come with Rocco and me on the adventure of a lifetime.
The Pebble and the Penguin, a magical musical adventure from Don Bluth.
Yours to own on video.
G'day.
Down at Bowra Pass, we're letting tires go for prices you won't believe.
Like these Australian-made steel flecks for $69.
And balance and alignment for $29.
And these Australian steel radials are just $49.
New car bow.
Nah, just put on the new state sales manager.
Days big promotion. Tires at unbeatable prices.
Call 132381 for your nearest Pro Repairs store.
We were watching Dr. Frankenstein.
His creature had awoken.
He was looking for some chocolate.
Just as the store went broken.
You could pop pop pop.
I'm hungry, I need feeding. I need my breakfast fast.
If I don't get some chocolate, this boy has breathed his last.
I hit the chuck alert. Kellogg's Coco Pops rained down.
We watched the room turn chocolate and a milk to chocolate brown.
Kellogg's Coco Pops. Puffed rice, natural cocoa, five vitamins and iron.
They're parts of your complete breakfast.
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy.
Cheese BB.
Those guys, I can't stand them any longer.
Oh, hi. I'm the only one around right now.
They're all in the bar and having a meeting.
Well, you wouldn't believe what...
Oh, I'm sorry. You just got here.
Now, let me explain to you what's been going on here.
And then you'll understand why I'm so angry.
Earlier today, I got a report that the wolf was lurking around the neighborhood.
Well, I immediately beefed up security.
Frida, Louise, Charlotte, Mabel, hi, Mabel, Valerie, Olivia and Vanna.
That's all the chickens.
Good work. That wolf won't get his mitts on them.
I have Bo building a new fence around the chicken coop.
Wade is installing our new wolf alarm.
And Roy is going to build us a spring-loaded, fully-mechanized supersonic wolf ejector.
Patent pending.
With all these precautions, I don't think we're going to have to worry about that wolf.
That's what I thought. But I was wrong.
You see, the wolf had a sneaky idea how to handle our new security.
Uh, I'm who needs me another disguise.
Building a wolf ejector?
You got it, fella.
You're not going to do it now, are you?
Why not?
Haven't you ever tried procrastination?
You can't talk about that on a cartoon show.
Procrastination means putting things off until later.
I knew that.
Later is the perfect time to start building a new fence.
Later? I knew that. Later is the perfect time to do anything.
Really?
Wade, meanwhile, was attempting to assemble the alarm.
Insert blue wire, curl K, into battery housing 7B,
tap lightly with a green-handled crescent wrench borrowed from a plumber named Al.
My, but they're specific.
Orson, why do we have to build a new wolf alarm?
Why can't we just make do with the old wolf alarm?
We have an old wolf alarm.
Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.
It's where I run around all the time and I go, Wolf! Wolf! Oh, help! Wolf!
Now, you're saying I should learn to procrastinate.
Do things later.
That's right. Later.
The perfect time to do anything.
By now.
Later. Yeah, he's right.
That is the perfect time to do anything.
Uh, this thing I was supposed to build, I'll build it later.
I have time now to do my chores, taking out the trash cans.
Wait a minute. I can do this later, too.
Terrific! Now all I have to do is weed the garden and I can...
Oh, no momento. I can do this later, too.
I'm going to have so much free time.
Roy was positively in love with procrastination,
so much so that he decided to spread his new discovery.
Help! Help, Wolf! There's a wolf in the barnyard or somewhere near!
See, I'm much louder than an alarm, more dependable,
and I don't require six AAA batteries.
Just get the alarm built, Wade.
Okay, okay. We'll try it the high-tech way.
Assemble Outer Flange K-Stroke 11 while watching Andy Griffith's show rerun.
You don't have to do that now, Wade.
Have you ever heard of procrastination?
Oh, you can't talk like that on a cartoon show.
And then they got Bo to join them.
Hey, like, uh, I got a lot of chores to do, man.
Do them later.
Later. It's the perfect time to do anything.
Hey, like a four-star idea, dudes.
They went all over the farm,
convincing everyone to do everything later.
Soon there were so many of them, they decided to form a club.
You know, procrastinators...
Why didn't you put the sign out?
I'll put it out tomorrow.
Oh, you're a good member.
This is the Procrastinators Club.
I'll call the meeting to order later.
Shall we begin with the minutes?
Nah, let's just wait till later.
Good idea. How about old business?
Nah, I don't think so. Let's just wait till later.
Well, then, is there any new business?
Nah, let's just wait till later.
I would like to make a motion.
The chair will recognize Wade Duck later.
But what's your motion?
I'll tell you after the meeting later.
Well, you can imagine how sore I was when I discovered
Bo didn't finish erecting the fence.
Wade didn't finish assembling the alarm.
And Roy didn't even start on the wolf ejector.
They were all in their meeting in the barn.
Now, when shall we have the Christmas party?
March! Fourth of July!
Never!
Roy, you and Bo and Wade have important chores to do.
Hey, like we'll do them right after the meeting, Ors.
Yeah, we'll do them later.
Later! The perfect time to do anything.
Well, you'd better end the meeting now before the wolf comes around.
The meeting can't end until someone moves to adjourn.
Does anyone want to move to adjourn?
Eh, later, later.
All right, I move to adjourn.
You can't. You aren't a member.
Okay, then, make me a member.
We'll do it later.
They've been in that meeting for nine hours now.
Now I have to build the wolf ejector that Roy didn't.
Oh, no! The wolf!
I've got to save those chickens.
Like I figured, only one guy comes right away.
Now, me and the chickens scrams on out of here.
Ta-ta.
Please, I'm beat.
Won't someone propose now that we adjourn?
Hey, that's the wolf! Roy, the wolf's got the chickens!
We have to rescue them!
No, later is too late!
I move we adjourn now. I second it.
All in favor? I motion carried. Meeting adjourned. Let's go!
Hey, like we've for us, man.
We've got to save the chickens.
Aren't you going to run around panicking, Wade?
Nah, I'll do it later.
I should have built the wolf ejector before it was too late.
Men, we have to build a wolf ejector.
Now?
Now! The best time to do anything!
Nothing can stop me now.
Hey, you give me back them chickens!
Ow!
I'll be back! You can't do this to me!
Home safe and sound, ladies.
Like we're sorry, horse.
We should have done our jobs when we were supposed to do them.
Yeah, instead of later.
Well, as long as you've learned your lesson.
You have too, Roy, haven't you?
No, horsey, we can discuss this later.
Bee, bee, bee!
Meet Claudia Selinger.
I'm in the fifth grade.
She's a little kid.
Once I can be my bedroom and the other will be my living room.
Growing up in a big world.
Are we in trouble?
Without parents.
I'm scared.
Get to know her on Party of Five, coming soon to 10.
We were watching Dr. Frankenstein. His creature had woken.
He was looking for some chocolate, just as the storm had broken.
Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.
I'm hungry, I need feeding.
I need my breakfast fast.
If I don't get some chocolate, this boy has breathed his last.
I hit the choc-alert.
Kellogg's Coco Pops rained down.
We watched the room turn chocolate into milk to chocolate brown.
Kellogg's Coco Pops.
Puffed rice, natural cocoa, five vitamins an iron.
They're part of your complete breakfast.
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy.
Australia's sprint car supermen are back from the USA to make hail McClay.
This Saturday night at Parramatta Raceway.
Death is the greatest spectacle in motorsport.
Sprint cars in flight this Saturday night at Parramatta Raceway.
Be there.
Jupiter Furniture are specialists in the manufacture of domestic and commercial lounge suites.
This superb furniture is made on the premises by craftsmen in any combination.
Buy direct from the factory showroom and save up to 50%.
The delightful Bristol three-piece five-seater, top quality with two repliner chairs, $1,599.
The Queen lounge, three pieces, five-seater, now just $1,299.
This high-backed president, not 2,100, paid just $1,299.
This queen sofa bed with two army chairs, $1,450.
Jupiter Furniture are open seven days and public holidays at 276 Hoxton Park Road, Liverpool.
With delivery available throughout the metropolitan area.
Jupiter Furniture, ideal for the home or office at a price you can't afford.
My life's in a rut.
Day after day the same old thing.
Nothing new. No excitement.
Is there an echo around here or what?
I need to do something different with my life.
I think I'm gonna try skydiving.
Skydiving?
Yep, that's it.
I'm going to go skydiving.
There you have it, folks.
John Arpuckel's latest bonehead idea.
The latest entry in a new show we call Great Moments in Stupidity.
That's right, it's Great Moments in Stupidity, brought to you by...
I don't know, but here's the host of Great Moments in Stupidity.
What's his name?
Thank you, thank you, Tom.
You're not my but you're a stupid-looking audience.
Welcome to Great Moments in Stupidity,
the show that shows you some of the stupidest people in history,
like Will Brentwistle, who spent 37 years trying to think of another name for ketchup.
Red Stuff?
No.
Tomato Gook?
No.
Or one-time zillionaire Jackson Freen,
who squandered his entire family fortune on toast.
Well, let's see, I have the sourdough here, rye over there.
Ooh, I'm low on whole wheat.
Or even Oliver Wendell Funnyname,
who due to a power failure was once stranded for 19 hours on an escalator.
You wish I'd get the power back on.
I'm going to be late for dinner.
We're talking stupid here, folks.
But perhaps our favorite examples of stupidity have come to us
courtesy of this man, John Arpuckel.
Thank you, thank you.
Before we view John's latest achievement in the world of stupidity,
let's look back on some of his most memorable stupid moments.
You know, you really are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
How about if you ditch that jerky karate-teaching boyfriend of yours and run off with me?
I don't need to buy a service contract.
These things never break.
That's my pie, Garfield.
I insist that you let me have it.
Lessons? What do I need skiing lessons for?
Three months in traction.
And now here's my favorite from a long time ago.
I can afford to have a cat, Mom.
After all, how much can a cat eat?
Thank you, thank you.
Those were certainly stupid.
Before we see John Arpuckel's stupid attempt at skydiving,
here's our stupid announcer with a preview of next week's show.
Great moments in stupidity, a 90-minute special on the stupidity of dogs.
90 minutes isn't long enough. Clear a week.
We'll see the stupid way a dog will chase his own tail.
And what happens when he catches it.
We'll see the stupid way dogs love to have you throw the stick
so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you throw it again
so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you through it again
so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you throw it again
so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you throw it again
so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you throw it again
so they can fetch it.
Wait a minute. Just who's the stupid one in this picture?
And we'll see the stupid way dogs chase cars....
And the stupid thing that happens when they catch one.
All this and more next week on the... this show.
And now back to our host.
Thank you, stupid announcer.
Pick up your check and get out.
We're here now at the airfield to witness today's great moment in stupidity, John Arbuckle's
skydiving.
John opens the door of the plane.
He assumes jump position, he steals his nerves, and then he leaps with perfect form.
A perfect 19 inch jump.
Garfield, I was just thinking.
If you were thinking, you wouldn't be here.
I'm here to jump out of a plane.
Wanna jump with me, Garfield?
A fine example of a stupid question, but I'll come along to provide our viewers with first-hand
coverage of your demise.
Soon as we're over the jump area, you jump.
You got that?
Got it.
We're coming to you from thousands of feet in the air where John Arbuckle is about to
commit another great moment in stupidity.
Well, Garfield, it's almost time.
It's been nice knowing you.
Let me have the keys to the house.
You think this is a stupid thing for me to be doing?
Dumb as a brick.
You think I'm doing this just to prove some silly macho thing?
No, I think you're doing it because you're stupid.
Okay, Arbuckle, we're over the jump area.
Wait, I've changed my mind.
That's what they all say.
No, wait!
At least let him put the kitty down first.
There you go!
Don't worry, Garfield, I'll just pull the ripcord.
Nothing happened.
Don't worry, Garfield, I'll pull the backup chute ripcord.
Nothing happened again.
Don't worry, Garfield, I'll pull the auxiliary standby reserve chute ripcord.
Can I start worrying now?
Garfield, this is it!
My whole life is flashing before my eyes and I'm not even in it.
Let me get a look at those parachutes.
What's wrong with this thing?
Inspected by number 27.
Number 27, you're in a lot of trouble.
Hurry, Garfield, hurry!
If I pull this, either the chute will open or John's pants will fall down.
Oh, no.
You did it!
We're saved!
I sure hope so.
Garfield, I've learned my lesson.
I am never going to do anything this stupid ever again.
Don't you believe it?
We'll have more of John Arbuckle's exploits on future editions of Great Moments in Stupidity!
Bungee jumping.
Maybe I'll take a bungee jump.
Hold your ears!
I'm dying.
He looks so good.
We were watching Dr. Frankenstein.
His creature had woken.
He was looking for some chocolate, just as the storm had broken.
Coco pop pop pop.
I'm hungry, I need feeding.
I need my breakfast fast.
If I don't get some chocolate, this boy has breathed his last.
I hit the choc-alert.
Kellogg's Coco Pops rained down.
We watched the room turn chocolate into milk to choc-alert.
I'm dying.
A bad bull are all eating a toy store.
Celine Dion, The Color of My Love.
The biggest selling album of 95 with the power of love.
Think twice and next blame out.
Celine Dion, The Color of My Love.
The day Sydney's black house rearranged, democracy was effectively abandoned.
The government said noise monitoring and environmental impact studies were unnecessary.
Authorised by Vicky Riddy, Linfield.
Kitty Rocker, Kitty Rocker, La la la la la la la la la la la.
Kitty Rocker, Kitty Rocker, La la la la la la la la.
Kitty Rocker, Kitty Rocker, La la la la la la la la la la la.
A bad bull are all eating a toy store.
Cheese baby.
Ryan, do you smell that? I can smell surfing in the air.
No, no it's...
It smells like...ooh rotting sandwiches in your bag.
Don't worry about that Ryan. Go channel surfing.
Oh, a brand new video hit special.
That's right, you can catch out the big hits of 95, Denny Hines and Rick Price are the hosts.
Yeah, and you'll see songs that made it big in a chart this year as well.
That's right, take that back for good.
Oh, and Nicky French's Turtle Eclipse. Oh, Celine Dion's Power of Love.
Yeah, and a whole lot more. That is just absolutely fabuloso.
That's a song you know.
Rock the house.
Goddamnit.
Just to freak.
Rock the house.
Come on now, turn it up.
Freak.
Rock the house.
Freak.
Hey, right after the video, big hits of 95.
Here's the Muppets Tape Manhattan.
All your favourite mucks.
Yeah, it's musical Benegary.
Menagerie. Musical Menagerie.
In the Big Apple.
All the dancing, all the singing, chickens, frogs, pigs and of course Gonzo.
But what kind of creature was Gon, Gonzo anyway?
One of those Muppet mysteries, Ryan.
There's nothing like a bit of a channel surf to get your loopy in the morning.
Let's just sit back and watch Cops.
Let's go.
It's crime fighting time.
The case of the criminal mall.
Cops file 68019.
An Empire City's newest shopping mall.
Everything was automated.
Even its theft proof security system, which was operated by a super intelligent computer.
Big Boss planned to steal the supercomputer and use it to override every burglar alarm in Empire City.
Here's how the caper came down.
The beauty of this system is that it's completely self contained.
They have no need for security guards.
Security unloaded. Security unloaded.
Robber in progress.
Ah, you're a knock.
Seems like the jewelry shop has just been robbed.
Now you'll get to see my security system in action.
Ah.
What?
Suspect apprehended. Security system returning to standby.
If I didn't see this with my own eyes, I would never have believed it.
Quite impressive. Although a bit impersonal, Mr. Keen.
As you can see, with my system, we really don't need security guards or cops.
What about human backup, just in case of an emergency?
This system is foolproof. I designed it myself.
There's no need for backup, human or otherwise.
He's awfully confident, isn't he?
Okay, buddy. You're under arrest.
One day, my super security system will replace every security guard in Empire City.
It's a wonderful thing.
That remains to be seen, Mr. Keen.
I sure hope that Keen doesn't break his arm patting himself on the back.
Shoe shine, mister? It's on the house.
Oh, well, in that case.
Say, aren't you Mr. Keen, head of mall security?
Why, yes. I didn't know I was such a celebrity.
Say, may I ask you a question?
Yeah, what is it?
I guess you're going right back to that supercomputer of yours.
How do you know about the supercomputer? It's top secret.
You hear a lot when you shine shoes.
Word around the mall is that your computer's a doozy.
Well, keep it to yourself.
You don't want any info about our supercomputer falling into the wrong hands.
Peachy, Mr. Keen.
You don't know it, but that special paint buzz bomb put on your shoes
is going to lead me right to your precious supercomputer.
Why should you get a tip? Are you kidding? You gave him a lousy shoe shine.
Hi, everyone. Join Denny Hines...
And Rick Price for the biggest international hits of 95.
With special guest appearances by Bon Jovi and Soul Asylum.
And the video that launched Silver Chair in America.
It's a video hits special presentation.
Big hits in 95, 5.30 Sunday.
We're the Nazi, the Jailer, the Whale.
I'm Nutrition. I'm Cabritian. I'm delicious.
We're Hazelmuff. I'm Coco, the Flavor.
I'm Sugarcane, the Energy. I'm Moggy Milk.
Milk for goodness. Mmm.
We look for each other all over the world
to make Nutella in our fond doggo whale.
We're the Nutty, Nutella team. It's Nutty.
Hey, how you doing? You want to hear something way cool?
I was skating down the road the other day
and this real bad dude comes my way.
So I turned into a puddle. Boy, that's hell in trouble.
And the shopkeeper said, take your pick.
Wrap your laughing gear and a billabong stick.
Billabong, bill, billabong, bill.
You can't go wrong with billabong.
I tried to count calories myself and it just wasn't working.
I've never been a big person before I had my children
and I didn't want to stay that way.
Just look at all these delicious meals.
The Diet Factory will prepare everything for you
and even deliver right to your door.
You don't need to shop, cook or calorie count.
It's great to be able to go out and buy clothes that actually fit now.
Mmm.
Phone the Diet Factory now and lose weight the easy way.
If Keen's planning to replace every security guard in the city
with his computer system, we'd better make sure it's perfect.
What do you have in mind, sir?
I was thinking about having cops conduct a test.
You mean sneak into the mall to test security?
Count me in. I just love computer games.
Sounds like this assignment was tailor-made for us, too.
What do you think, Blitz?
Be careful. Once you're inside the mall,
the security system has no way of telling cop from crook.
I got word from the grapevine, Dr. Badmimes,
that you're planning a caper on your own.
How do you know that?
You hear a lot when you're the head crook in Empire City.
Now talk!
Actually, I was just about to steal a super-intelligent computer.
This is a surprise.
Count me in, Dr. Badmimes. Why do I need another computer?
Big Boss, this is not just another computer.
It's the brains behind the new shopping mall's theft-proof security system.
Once I steal this computer,
we'll be able to deprogram every burglar alarm in Empire City.
We?
I mean, you.
In that case, what are you waiting for?
Get out there and bring home the bacon.
Now, you bungling bucket of bolts,
we're not stopping at the deli first.
Bacon's just a figure of speech.
I just don't trust that absent-minded gadget here
and his cross-wired robot sidekick.
If this computer is such a big deal,
the good doctor's gonna need some help.
What kind of help?
Bacircle, take Crusher with you.
Go to the mall and help Badmimes steal that computer.
Yeah, I get it.
Oh, one more thing.
Make sure Badmimes doesn't get any ideas
about keeping that computer for himself.
Oh, no.
First, we've got to break into the mall.
This electronic encoder should neutralize the alarm.
Works every time. No alarm.
Maybe Keen's security system isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Buzz Bomb.
Buzz Bomb, wait. We have no time to play.
Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
Buzz Bomb?
Buzz Bomb, where are you?
Buzz Bomb, stop fooling around.
We've got a computer to steal.
What a useless bomb.
Buzz Bomb, what happened?
Remarkable.
The security system works better than I had anticipated.
Intruder alert. Activate the alarm.
Hey, let go.
Who are you?
Over there.
How dare you?
Who's gravy? What is this sticky stuff?
Freeze. We're cops.
And you're under arrest.
Okay, Blackfoot, you win.
Looks like you got yourself caught up in a sticky situation.
What the? What are they?
Whoa!
They got us.
Well, looks like round one goes to mall security.
Oh, Buzz Bomb, get me loose.
They've got a supercomputer to steal.
Looks like we're the first cops to be put out of business by Keen's security system.
Cheese BB.
Humphrey's Puss.
Dinner is served.
What's in store?
My suitcase got out of the truck.
A recipe for disaster.
We could open a pet shop.
If your pussy's in the mood, have it clipped and then shampooed.
Now you've been served 6.30 Saturday.
Can I have a Happy Meal, please?
It's the RipRacer Happy Meal with Ronald McDonald, Bertie, Grimace and Hamburger.
Get one with your RipRacer Happy Meal.
That's a cheeseburger, small fries and a small coke.
All for $2.95.
So get happy with a Happy Meal.
Hey, how you doing?
You wanna hear something way cool?
I was skating down the road the other day.
And this really bad dude comes my way.
So I turned into a puddle.
Boy, is he in trouble.
And the shopkeeper said, take your pick.
Wrap your life in gear and a billabong stick.
Billabong, billabong, billabong, billabong.
You can't go wrong with billabong.
Oh, you're in a bad way, sport.
We'd better get you to the hospital.
Now don't you worry, we'll get you there, no sweat.
Look, we haven't lost anyone yet.
You never know what the days are gonna bring.
I don't do it all on me own.
When I start my shift, I have a word with him.
We're a sort of a team, Godin, V.
Peace be, mate.
Sometimes life isn't as clear cut as it seems.
But if you make the right moves,
you could get lucky and end up with a winning hand.
Don't gamble with your life.
Let God's love show you the way.
JCCC.
Cops!
Big Boss was right!
Dr. Bad Vibes is gonna need help.
Oh, boy! Dr. Bad Vibes is gonna need help.
Bowser, can you get to your con link to call for help?
No, I can barely breathe.
How about you, Blitz?
I've had it!
I can't walk with all this bubble gum on me!
Buzzbomb, you're going to have to carry me the rest of the way.
What?
Don't worry. It's only chewing gum.
It'll wash off.
There it is, Buzzbomb.
The super electro brain.
Our key to fame and fortune.
This mall is humongous.
How are we supposed to find Bad Vibes?
Simple.
Hey, Dr. Bad Vibes!
Where are you? Hi!
I'll have to admit that's one way to find him.
Wonderful!
Well, to disconnect this, I should cut off the line.
Huh?
No! No, Buzzbomb! You'll destroy everything!
That's better.
Ouch!
Buzzbomb, how could you?
Whoa! What's that sound?
Don't mess that brain! Get away!
Security system malfunction. Request backup.
Repeat, system malfunction.
Security system malfunction. Request backup. Repeat, system malfunction.
Hey!
Time to call in the cavalry.
10-33. Repeat, 10-33. Copse emergency. Over.
I'm not getting through.
Must be the security system.
The malfunction is causing it to jam local radio signals.
I guess it's up to us.
Let's do it.
It's crime fighting time!
Follow him! Don't let him get away!
Look out! Those are non-returnable cans!
Something is going on down there!
Whoa!
Well, Big Boss can kiss this caper goodbye.
Get him!
Hey, that's the super electro brain that controls the mall's security system.
It's got to be put back where it belongs.
It's the only way to end this nightmare.
You heard mainframe Blitz. Go fresh!
Help!
Look out!
Fast-bomb! The brain!
Whoa!
That metallic mat's got the super electro brain!
Blitz! Good work, Blitz.
Here, you take care of the brain.
I'll handle the crook clean-up.
We'd better round up those crooks before they cause any more damage.
I've had it! This caper's a washout!
Listen, Blitz, I've got to get past that door.
Can you help me?
Thank you, Blitz.
Not the lips!
I give up!
Whoa! What is this?
What the...
Whoa!
This is it.
System malfunction. Request manual assistance.
Repeat. Request manual assistance.
Gotta do this right the first time. There's no telling how Keen may have booby-trapped things.
I'm innocent! I just got trapped in the mall after closing time.
Tell it to the judge.
Whoa!
You've done good, BuzzFone.
Ah, piece of cake.
Cheese, baby!
6.30 Sunday.
We've had some job offers.
They're back and ready for the big time.
Let's go to Broadway!
And they'll do anything to get to the top.
I just saw my whole life flash before my nose.
Are they good seats? They sure are.
They're for the next rain out of town.
Don't push it, kid.
They're pulling out all the stops for the show of their lives.
Join Joan Rivers, Brooke Shields, Liza Minnelli in the Muffet's Take Manhattan.
6.30 Sunday.
Our teacher, Mr. Bird.
Bird Ray.
He thinks we're so tiny, Brad, because we're in huge.
The natural benefit of fiber-rich wheat bran.
It's not fair, Eugene.
Like, try to choose mulch, Blake.
Vitamins B1, B2 and niacin.
The last sultanas.
No spoonfuls the same.
Kellogg's Sultana Bran is a valuable...
I am your complete breakfast, children.
Oh, they will be upset. There goes their walk.
Jock it!
Forget the Christmas rush.
The perfect gift ideas are all here at Daycore Plus.
Make it a country Christmas with your selection from the country collection.
Or celebrate the season with a serving of jugs, bowls and platters.
Pottery never goes out of style and Daycore Plus has added to their Aussie range
with originals by Robert Gordon.
Raw time gives the rustic touch that suits so many daycores.
There's a treasure trove of beautiful gift ideas at Daycore Plus,
189 Bayless Street, Wagga.
A beautiful view through a Venetian blind?
Not quite the same, is it?
Now with the Solar Tinting Centre you can enjoy your view,
plus reduce heat, reduce glare and control UV rays
while providing daytime privacy.
DTI Solar Control Film, the world's finest glass tint
exclusive in Wagga to Solar Tinting Centre.
So good it comes with a 10 year guarantee.
The Solar Tinting Centre, 14 Edward Street, Wagga.
Cheese TV
I came as soon as I got word.
Looks to me like you might reconsider some flesh and blood security guards.
Just in case of emergency.
I've learned a valuable lesson.
No computer, no matter how smart, can ever replace a human being.
But there's nothing wrong with a computer becoming man's best friend.
Empire City's new shopping mall was cleaned up and operational in no time.
Security Chief Keen hired a team of security guards
to make sure nothing like this ever happened again.
Cops file 68019, the case of the criminal mall.
Case closed.
Cops, roll call.
Highway, mainframe, long arm, bowser and blitz, sundown, hardtop, mirage, bullseye, mace, barricade,
and they call me bulletproof.
These are Empire City's most wanted crooks.
Berserko, rock crusher, misdemeanor, turbo two-tone, Dr. Bad Vibes, nightshade.
Use caution in apprehending.
Dick.
Dinky Doodles.
Welcome back.
You know, I was just discussing with Ryan how bad your books get this time of year.
I mean, exam time gets pretty, pretty bad.
So what we were thinking here at CheesTV is what can we do for those kids out there with bad books?
And here's what we're going to do for you.
Dinky Doodles.
Doodles are the answer, OK?
If you want to win this Dinky Doodle pack, and Nick, we don't know which one you get,
which consists of this Dinky Notes here, free pen, Dinky Diary here,
Dinky homework book here with free stickers.
That's right.
Don't forget the stickers.
You get texters in this one.
You get a sketchbook so you can...
And like it's got an A to Z thing.
If you look like a bear, you'll get athlete and like D for drum.
And like stickers and stuff.
So if you're really bored, what a better way to just be active.
But how do you win this fantastic prize, Ryan?
What number do you have to call?
005560510.
That's right, but don't forget to get Mums and Dad's permission.
OK.
Hey, we've got this really cool letter.
Hey, check this out.
This is Chris, James, Tim and Shannon.
And they are just the biker kids from hell.
These biker kids are the kids who just roam your streets serving justice
and, you know, generally disrupting the peace.
But they are just cool kids and they've dressed up as biker mice
and this show is dedicated to you guys, the biker mice from Mars.
Rrraaarrr!
Brinch Jockey to helmet heads, come in.
Oh, don't worry, Mum.
I'm looking for a job tomorrow.
Wake up!
What?
Oh, Charlie, you're interrupting my beauty sleep.
Believe me, you need it.
But listen, I'm out here on Expressway 290
and something smells real fishy.
Get here, Pronto!
Ahh!
The Expressway looks so quiet.
You wouldn't even know it was there.
Ahh!
Is this real highway robbery?
Or did we just wake up in Southern California?
You guys, Charlie was right.
This has got the smell of old fish gut all over it.
Yeah, with a side-order grease pit.
Well, let's get this road on the show, bros.
Down and dirty.
Uh-oh, speed trap.
Touch on these goos, heel into the right of way.
Hit it, bros, full force.
You know, my mousey intuition tells me
this is some sort of...
Ahh!
Absolutely prissy, Vincent.
Don't fret, Charlie, babe.
We know paper we see it.
And lucky for you, we just love traps.
Oh, my offenses rank.
It smells to heaven.
Amnodactyly synchrym.
Bird lock at 12 o'clock, bros.
The pavement's about to pound, pound.
Coming up in a big world...
Are we in trouble?
...without parents.
I'm scared.
Get to know her on Party of Five, coming soon to 10.
The Aquanauts have finally found the crystal,
but will they make it to their home base
before the Aquasharks come and snatch it?
Adventure is waiting to be built with the Aquashark submarine
at the action-packed Aquanauts base from LEGO System.
A mega family meal deal.
For just $9.95, you get two whoppers, two hamburgers,
four small fries and four small drinks.
Hey, Jack, I'll have some more of that.
Hey, Jack, got thumb grease.
Like it or not, we're a computer society.
Technology is enhancing our lives in many different ways.
But sometimes it has another effect.
It can make us feel like numbers.
As if we're lost in the system.
You want people to care about you, to know you by your name.
So does everybody else.
The truth is that people need people.
You, me, all of us.
Love your neighbor as yourself, as the good book says.
A more loving community may start with you.
He's frisky.
You're a girl, I kiss you.
He's touchy.
I don't want you to mess with my hair.
Is there something about Bobby we don't know?
Don't ever be afraid to come and tell us something.
Fireworks and lots of slogging on the Brady Band at 6 o'clock tonight.
Find them, find them.
And you're reaching on down, reaching on down, to get to road.
End of the road, drip stick.
We advise you to get off at this exit.
Before you have a serious breakdown.
Like this.
Missed me, Michael Ice.
And the fun ain't over till the fat fella sins.
Fire, you diminished dimwit.
Fire!
Just the high note I was waiting for.
Sure you figured those angles right, Moto.
Hey, bumper booze my game.
Oh my.
Get me out of here.
Oh no, help.
Well, aren't you going to say anything, sweetheart?
Oh, I got a feeling she's going to say plenty when we tie off that game.
Get ready, bros.
Oh, what an absolute debacle.
What can the high chairman do, fire me?
There'd be nobody else moronic enough to take this troublesome assignment if I left.
What, take this left?
Okay.
I'm scared to the seat now.
No!
Mimburger, you plump, caustic milk sup.
What is the meaning of this?
Good morning, my accurate administrator.
I just called to say I'm prepared with my monthly report, but I called back another...
Nonsense.
I've been looking forward to your monthly report.
But first things first, let's address each other properly, shall we?
You couldn't possibly mean...
That's right, Linberger.
Bunny up to the screen for the official Plutarchian greeting.
Now!
Cheek to cheek and sting to sink as Plutarch rose the galaxy shrinks.
How gratifying.
Now, please proceed with your report.
Thank you, my stagnant chamberpotness.
First off, let me begin with the resource harvesting in the southwest quadrant.
Isn't that where a certain landholding continues to elude your grasp?
The last chance garage, isn't it?
One measly parcel of real estate and you can't get at it, isn't that correct, you dubious dullard?
Details, details.
Shall we move on?
Topsoil, 14 pounds...
Tons, I meant tons.
Bedrock, 80 tons.
Ahhhhhhh!
Don't you just love living on the edge, grease-gullet?
Can't put me down, you slew-to-tangle fur boss!
Well, since you asked so nicely...
Ahhhhhhh!
But after careful analysis of Expressway 290, I found its condition to be quite unsatisfactory.
Indeed, maybe even unsafe for your rotund illegalness.
Oh, oh, oh, the good thing this floor broke my fall.
And just what happened to you, my good man?
Nothing! Oh, nothing to worry your wide seat of authority over.
This fool grease pit was simply on the roof doing some...
Falling? I was doing some falling, your high-chairmanshipness.
You see, it was them stupid biker-mices again.
After runinating our Expressway heists and incinerating the Road Raker,
this rat special delivered me here to...
Aha! This is the final worm, Limburger.
Your mismanagement, the continuous loss of costly Plutarch equipment,
and your general oafishness...
Let us not wallow in personal epithets.
All leads me to only one inevitable conclusion.
You know, even a moron like this could do a better job strip-mining Earth than you have.
In fact, Greasepit, if that is your name.
Uh, Grease-E-Pit, it's my maiden name.
Whatever. To that end, I'm placing you in charge over the entire operation.
And, Limburger, you are herewith demoted to Lacky.
Effective immediately!
Boy, oh, boys, all this power at my fingertips to think just by pushing buttons
I can destroy the whole city from right here.
Dum-dum-dum-dum! Dum-dum-dum-dum!
My sentiments exactly.
Hold it! It's the command center.
Four beeps repeated twice.
Strange.
That means we circle around.
Oh, well, quarters of orders.
Ah!
Since this ain't Italy...
Then that can't be the leaning tower of Pisa.
Time for a little sightseeing, bros.
Check the chains, Vincent.
Oh, no. Some days we got it coming from all directions.
Cheese-P-P!
We're the Nazi Nutella Team-Wells!
I'm Nutritious!
I'm Capricious!
I'm delicious!
We're Hazelnut!
I'm Coco, The Slaver!
I'm Sugar Game, The Energy!
I'm Molly Milk, Milk for Good Meals!
Mmm!
We look for each other all over the world
To make Nutella in our pond dog go wail
When a Nutty Nutella team
It's Nutty!
From the start she's been unforgettable.
Now Madonna gives us something to remember.
I'll remember
You said I'm crazy for you
You think that you are strong
Something to Remember
Madonna also features 3D songs including the new single
You'll See
14 of Madonna's greatest ballads
Here's Something to Remember
At Crazy Jim's Mighty Ten
We'll treat you like a friend
And that's the reason why the folks keep coming back again
At Crazy Jim's Mighty Ten
The savings never end
We help out those professionals and also handymen
I might have done some renovations
I might have fixed the floor
I might have done the gardening
I might have painted the door
At Crazy Jim's Mighty Ten
We'll treat you like a friend
And that's the reason why the folks keep coming back again
Never in their wildest dreams did they imagine they'd be so close to nature.
And back home life's also getting a little wild.
I want him held accountable.
And about to get wilder.
So you like my idea?
We'll see you back on Crazy Jim's Mighty Ten
I'll be on call for later Vincent.
I'm afraid there's a more pressing matter to deal with.
All closed?
Every floorApplause
Hey, what are the mice doing there?
Let's make our point.
Fast and hard.
Now Bear Bros is one sad testament to the state of modern architecture.
I think it's time we learned the rules to this new game of Limburgers.
Busy fellas.
Just what I always wanted.
A window seat in the stench central.
Don't think you're getting away with that.
One misspeck of lint on this rug and you've got double commode detail for a week.
Yes, your smeariness, marry a speck.
Grease bit in a smear.
I'm not a smear.
I'm a smear.
Grisbit in a splint.
And limb rhash and mades uniform.
Those dirty devil.
Perhaps with some machinistic manipulation I can aid those meddling mice in defeating
greasepits and then I shall simply reclaim my previous post.
What a cute little toy pletakian.
Kinda, like a house.
How the plight of the domestics.
Sculpture calling the shots.
No wonder nothing's making sense.
Well, let's drop in and pay our disrespects.
Come on, let's go remove that missing link from the chain of command.
Yeah, that greasy gorilla nearly left me with a cleft head.
Gotta check out that action first. Let's rock!
Demon Ride!
Oh man, I don't believe it! That beefy nitwit snatched the garage!
Guys!
Up there!
Now Breezebit's pushing my buttons!
Are you starting to get the hang of this?
That means Chicago is doomed.
Guys!
Chase me, please!
Your auntie Nana?
Lodge.
You do my back?
Me?
You do that side?
You do my back? Me?
It upsets you, you think it ain't good.
Hey, don't make a bad animal!
That simply looks cheap and nasty. So I wondered if you'd like it.
The gentleman wishes to try our address.
I'm free!
This is CLR Clear, an amazing product that instantly dissolves calcium and lime stains that you can't scrub away.
If your shower head is shooting everywhere but down, dip it in CLR and look at the difference.
No amount of scrubbing was able to remove the stains from this coffee decanter, but a little CLR and water gets it crystal clean instantly.
Watch how Clear wipes away hard water film from tile. Make shower doors shine crystal clear.
CLR instantly removes unsightly rust stains from your bathtub, sink and toilet bowl.
And nothing cleans your coffee maker, tea kettle or pots and pans faster or better.
Get CLR. It will work for you or your money back.
CLR Clear. Available from these leading outlets.
From the start she's been unforgettable. Now Madonna gives us something to remember.
I'll remember that I'm crazy for you.
Something to Remember also features 3D songs including the new single.
14 of Madonna's greatest ballads is Something to Remember.
Don't have to be no high roller feet, a family of four for under $10.
Hey Jack, I'll have some more of that. Hey Jack, I'll have some more of that.
You sure get more with Hungry Jack's Mega Family Meal Deal.
For $9.95 you get 2 Whoppers, 2 hamburgers, 4 small fries and 4 small drinks.
What a deal! What a family meal!
Hey Jack, I'll have some more of that. Hey Jack, I'll have some more of that.
Hey Jack, I'll have some more of that. Hey Jack, I've got some Grease.
Cheers, baby!
Hurry!
Time for my report, your lordship. But first...
Put that away, you tatterunga bunion! The official greeting is reserved for Plutarchans only.
No! And I've been practicing it all day.
Come on, fellas! I'm tired of you!
He's near Charlegros.
280 tons of topsoil, 8,000 tons of shale, and then there's that little old garage.
Oh, isn't that simply a glorious sight?
Though relatively in substantial acquisition, it does represent a fine trophy for you, Mr. Greasepot.
The grease pit.
A nice departure from your predecessor's past incompetence.
Ah, I'm blushing.
But I'm nauseous.
And to show you that your achievements have not gone unnoticed, I plan to make a personal visit to your operation in the morning.
Why not invite the entire Plutarchian Review Board to come?
Hey, why not bring the whole Plutarchian Review Board while you're at it?
Oh, splendid idea, Greasepotch! Capital, your political savvy is astounding.
Prepare something simple, tasteful, yet dazzling, won't you?
Oh, certainly my esteemed trattiness.
But I don't got no taste of dazzle.
Anytime, guys!
Guys?
Took you long enough, Ace.
Hey, it was a really fine-looking rescue, though.
Wasn't it?
Hey, give those birds a little tap on the shoulder, bro.
Time to clear the air.
Home sweet home, right, Johnny?
Is it ever.
Good evening.
Hold on, bros. We got company.
At sunrise tomorrow,
Greasepot plans a major land withdrawal at the end of Frontage Road.
That is all.
Wow! Our own personal snitch. How cool!
Bros, I think that bit of info was the cheese on the proverbial mousetrap.
In closings, I just want to say...
Excuse me, shouldn't have had those beans for lunch.
Get on with it, Greasepot!
Oh, yeah. Now for the official like unveiling.
Oh, just lovely.
Lovely.
Yeah, well, that kind of took the fun out of it.
After such a great entrance, too.
Now that our presence is known, let's make sure we're heard.
So sorry to disappoint you, biker mice.
Bon voyage, my shooting stars.
In view of this morning's botched event provided by Cannon Bear,
you, Greasepot, are permanently demoted to Eon.
Wow, another promotion.
Boy, oh boy, I can't wait to call Mom.
While you, Lawrence Limburger, are hereby elevated to High Chairman.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, how utterly delightful.
Tragically overdue, but fitting nonetheless.
But that's my position.
And you, Cannon Bear, will serve out Limburger's term here on Earth.
Excuse me, but look up at the sky. It's a buoy. It's a train.
Mr. Biker Mice.
It's kind of peaceful up here, isn't it?
Well, as they say in the words of that old song...
It's tail-whipping time!
Limburger, get us out of here!
Or I'll have you hanging by your nose over the jaws of a Venus buckdog.
Never fear, Lawrence Locktavious Limburger is here.
Think again.
Gaaaaah!
Limburger, about that promotion.
Never mind!
Gaaaaah!
Oh well. It was ever so sweet while it lasted.
Gaaaaah!
Gee, boys, that's not a good sign.
Gaaaaah!
Woo-hoo! Did you get that fast, quick-draw action, Bruce?
You want to see some fast action? Just put me in front of a plate of chili dog.
I hear that.
Let's rock and ride!
Welcome back.
Welcome back. Last slice of cheese for the day.
So, what can we say? Stay tuned tomorrow, because on Friday we are going to be showing who won the Time Zone pack.
Who could be off to Time Zone with Kennedy, mate?
Yep, we'll be reading some jokes tomorrow as well.
By the way, if you want to send us a letter or an email address, send it to cheesetv.com.au for the internet.
That's right. If you just want to drop us a line, send it to cheesetv.po.box.606.broadway.2007.
Well, that's it for the day.
Did you have a good one?
I did.
I'd just like to say a big hello to my new cousin, Stephanie Fennec.
Well, hello and goodbye.
Bye!
Cheese TV.
Go!
Cheese TV.
Boop! Boop!
Cheese TV.
Houston, we have a problem.
Cheese TV.
They're back and ready for the big time.
Let's go to Broadway!
With all your old favorites and a few new ones.
The Muppets take Manhattan 630.