Good night, Denny. Good night, Lisa. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody.
Good night, everybody.
We've got less than close to those who make you smile.
We'll write a look at each other, you.
Capture all the stars, feel the change that you do.
What other things you do?
Australia, Australia, this is you.
Coming up next is All Together Now, it stars Rebecca Gibney and John English.
Stay with us for that, for all the fun, and remember to stay with mine for more comedy at 8.30 with Who's the Boss?
This program proudly sponsored by Glad Rap.
This program proudly sponsored by Glad Rap.
The following program is classified PGR, Parental Guidance Recommended.
Yesterday was a memory, a mighty being, that rock and roll never forgets, forgives or regrets.
Nothing comes easy, trying to get it all together now.
Yesterday was your hair so long, an old love song, and a photograph of you, singing the blues.
Nothing comes easy, trying to get it all together now.
Just like that, all the stars around, anybody have a one-stop, four-and-down?
Getting this all together now, one of a crowd.
Getting this all together now, come on take a smile, shout it out loud, cause we're all together now.
Schutzen, schutzen. Schutzen, schutzen.
For the auto-prangin' smashin'.
Yeah, mate, I do speak English, yeah.
Well, I was just wondering when it was gonna arrive. Today? That's great, that's great.
Yeah, thank you very much. Hasta la vista.
I'm proud to see you're Russian, Dougie.
It's German, probably.
Oh, hey, your airbag thing, did it get here yet? Schutzen, flutzen.
Yeah, no, but the guy said it's coming today.
Oh, great, geez, you know, the more I think about it, I just can't figure out how we got along without it, mate.
Yeah, what does it do?
Well, it inflates you when you crash.
Oh, you sleep on it? Yeah.
It's for the taxi. You know, it stops your head from going through the windscreen.
Oh, yeah. Like the dummies in that car commercial.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the ones that go, whoa, that's my...
Thanks, mate. Come on.
Come on, let's get it open, eh? See what it looks like.
Wait, wait, wait, this isn't mine, this is for Thomas and Anna Sumner.
Oh, ah, Dougie, you shouldn't have opened it, man.
This is from the Mexican government.
Mexico?
The kids are planning to run off to Mexico, man, I know it.
I saw Thomas eating a taco last week.
See...
It's Beth.
It's Beth's personal effects from the plane crash.
Yeah.
This is really weird, Bobby.
This is the stuff Beth had with her when she died.
Why now? I mean, that was over a year ago, wasn't it?
Well, I was supposed there was some sort of investigation or something.
How are we going to tell them?
Oh, guys, I've had the most fantastic day.
Heaps of new orders, new clients, and uh-oh, who's died?
Oh.
Well, I hope the kids can handle this.
They're only just getting over Beth's death.
Yeah, I know how they feel.
Bobby, I don't mean to be cynical here,
but Beth was just a girl you had a quickie with in 1975.
No way, Trace, no way. Absolutely not.
Yeah, it was 1975, yeah.
So I was right?
No, Trace, no.
Beth and I had a deep, lasting personal relationship.
And that time was the happiest time of my life.
It was a month, wasn't it? Three weeks, day.
Beth's diary.
Tell you what, if this contains half the stuff I think it does,
I don't want the kids seeing it.
Oh, come on, Trace, they're old enough to know.
Skinny Dipping at Sunbury.
Oh, come on, Trace, everyone went skinny dipping at Sunbury.
Yes, but not in the mayor's office.
And how do you think the kids will feel
when they find out how you dumped Beth?
I did not dump Beth!
Well, what would you call it?
Irreconcilable differences.
You left her, Bobby.
No, I didn't, Trace, she wrote her a letter.
No, I didn't, Dougie. Yeah, you did. I remember.
No, Dougie, I didn't write a letter, all right?
Come on, Trace, let the kids see the diary.
It's just full of girly stuff, eh?
Bobby, Beth was 36 years old when she died.
You knew her when she was 20.
Who knows what's in the diary?
Yeah, but Trace, look, look, see?
Thomas and Anna Sumner.
It's theirs now.
Oh, Thomas and Anna Sumner, gee!
How are you, Thomas?
He's doing well, isn't he, looking well?
Yeah, he looks really well.
Well, really.
Nice try, guys, but you're not going to get away with it.
Bobby and I had another huge argument today.
Oh, right. That's good.
Bobby, now can we help you, anything?
Tracey.
If somebody's going to dump you,
you can dump them first.
Bobby's an expert on that.
Thanks, Trace, good.
Well, Thomas, old pal, buddy, amigo.
Um, let me tell you how I handle my relationships,
you know, if it comes on a bit straight.
Thanks, Bobby, I'll work it out myself.
Phew, that was close.
I didn't even notice it.
What's in the box?
How was your day?
Oh, it's rain.
I hope the house is all right.
If you're worried, give Jimmy the ring.
He must be sick to death.
Just ring.
Hello?
Doug?
You put the roof on yesterday.
Well, that should keep the rain out.
Yeah, we'd love to have a look.
9 a.m. tomorrow.
That's fine.
No, no, no, I wasn't worried.
And we can still move in on the 16th.
Right.
You'll always get urgent medical treatment straight away,
and how long should you have to wait for elective surgery?
Mutual Community, we won't let you wait for elective surgery
because your health is so important.
Well, what's in the box?
Aha, Thomas Sumner.
You are a miserable little two-faced creep.
I did not sell that photo of you in the shower today,
or slug it.
What photo?
No photo.
Just joking.
So, what were we talking about?
Look, I have just been at netball practice with Barbie Hayden,
and she's in tears.
Now, what's going on, Thomas?
I don't know.
She's all right.
Well, talk to her or something.
I've tried.
Ho-ho, where's the parcel?
The parcel.
This, got her names on it.
Is that ours?
No, no, not at all.
Why on earth would you think it's yours?
Because our name's on the invoice.
Oh, you mean the box?
Yes, well, the box is yours.
Yes, I thought you meant the table.
The table, that's fine.
No, it's fine.
Well, what's in it?
Oh, nothing, just junk, really.
Mum's bag.
Except for the bag.
Mum's locket.
And the locket.
I gave this to Mum for her last birthday.
Where did this come from?
Mexico.
Oh, it's a pinkrash.
What's that?
Oh, look what she kept.
Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
My two little angels,
Anna and Mr. Chubby Chops.
Eight six months.
Well, it says here there's a diary.
Really?
No, it's not here.
What's going on?
What's going on?
All right, what's in the diary
you didn't want us to see?
I'm on your side, guys.
I wanted you to have it.
Uh, look,
I thought you'd get upset
at reading things like how Bobby and Beth split up.
I did not dump her.
That's right.
He did everything in his power to reach her.
He even wrote her a letter.
A vowel or a consonant?
No, a vowel.
I didn't write any letter, mate.
Can you give me a hand in my room, please?
Bobby, I think this is far more important.
Douglas!
It's on fire.
So, uh,
why did Bobby and Beth split up?
Look, it was a long time ago.
Well, Bobby was performing
in Cairns and he and Beth
had this huge fight on the phone.
Like mother, like son.
She wanted him to come home, but
well, I guess he put his music first.
Talk about a masochist.
Well, what about the letter he wrote her?
I don't remember a letter.
All I remember is he sent her an album.
Pink Floyd's wish she were here.
But she was so mad at him she didn't even play it.
Fair enough.
I mean, who is this Pink Floyd guy anyway?
Well, I suppose we better go
and sit down and read this.
1975.
June.
I can't believe I bumped into Bobby River again.
He's as spunky as he was
two years ago.
What does a girl have to do
to get noticed by you?
Ooh!
Saturday.
Found out what a girl has to do.
Ooh!
I got a bottle of blue champagne, a huge bunch of flowers
and said he was going to take me to the pictures.
We sat for three hours outside the local
electronics shop watching colour TV.
It was the sweetest date I've ever had.
I've never been so in love.
At tonight's concert, the
roadie, Doug Stevens,
had to fill in on backup vocals.
First time I've seen bouncers throwing people
back into a hall.
Well, I had a frog in my throat.
5am and at last it's over.
Twins. A baby boy and girl.
I'm surrounded by people but I've never
felt so alone. Should I have told him?
Wish I could stop crying.
Hope the world's a better place by the time they grow up.
Is there any more?
Thomas is looking up at me
with Bobby's eyes. Black.
9 78 March
Austria.
Franco is a wonderful man
as well as a wonderful ski instructor.
He makes me feel so alive.
I've never felt so in love.
Olaf may be just a shepherd
but he makes me feel so alive.
I've never been so in love.
Anelito is perfect
for me.
I've never been so in love.
Who are all these guys, Tracy?
I've never even heard of them.
And where were we?
You were with me. You're going to school.
I'm getting postcards now and again.
So Bobby, you were in Cairns
for a rock festival in 1975.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
We were really hot.
Good concert, eh?
No, it was summer. We were really hot.
Cairns was the last time
you spoke to Beth, wasn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
I tried to see her when we got back
but she'd split me and gone overseas.
Why didn't you try to contact her?
Thomas, I didn't write her any letter, all right?
What letter?
There isn't a letter.
I'm tired, man. I might go to bed.
Right. Good night, Owen.
I really did love your mum, you know.
What?
Nothing.
Where are you going?
Just for a walk.
So there was a letter.
So there was a letter.
His tactics are questionable.
Paul, I'm going to be brutal about this.
You've got to have a mother, don't you?
Shameful. Yeah.
Coming. Buy her this.
He'll do anything for a sale.
No sale. That's my line. No sale.
No sale.
The boys are in the family room
and Emily is on the phone again.
What's new?
Well, a new house for a start.
We haven't done too badly, have we?
We got exactly what we wanted.
I must admit,
I always thought the Jennings would be pretty good.
You always thought?
It's all right. Between us,
we've built a great house.
In fact, wasn't my idea
to use Jennings in the first place?
Simon! What?
Sometimes.
We've built a great house.
Yeah, and it's going to be a great home.
Mmm.
Oh, stop it!
MUSIC
Hit me with a sandboy chip.
Hit me. Hit me.
Hit me with a sandboy chip.
Hit me. Hit me.
Hit me. Hit me.
Hit me with a sandboy chip.
Hit me slowly. Hit me quick.
Hit me. Hit me.
Hit me!
Ain't nothing hits you
like a sandboy chip.
Hit me. Hit me.
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Warned you about reading Beth's diary, didn't I?
Yeah. Said the kids might get hurt.
Not me.
Oh, Bobby.
You knew Beth as a 20-year-old girl.
Lots of fun, a free spirit.
Very free.
Look, Trace, I really don't want to talk about it now.
She got older, Bobby.
She had kids. She had lovers.
I tried to protect Anna and Thomas from all that.
Beth was a great girl,
but she was also irrational, irresponsible...
Trace, please, Beth.
Bobby, what's past is past.
I'm going back to bed.
Yeah.
Look, before the kids came along,
I bet you never even thought about Beth.
I'm going to bed.
See you, Trace.
Oh, this is crazy.
What's a guy gotta do to get a simple Schutzenflutzen?
Well, I hope it does come today.
Thanks a lot, mate. Bye.
I still don't get it. What's so important about this record?
Bobby gave Mum the record, right?
She's got it here.
And Doug's positive Bobby also wrote her a letter.
So the letter's gotta be in the record.
Don't you think you're getting just a little bit obsessed by this?
Hi, guys. What you looking for?
Uh... Prince. Madonna.
Compilation album. Prince and Madonna.
Together. Oh, well, you won't find it in there.
You'll probably find it under M.
M? For mustaches.
OK. I'll go.
I just don't think we're gonna find it.
Oh, what is that?
It's your bum, Anna.
Pink Floyd. We shall hear. This is it.
Bobby must have...
Ducky!
This must be the Schutzenflutzen, then.
Great. About time.
Hey.
Uh, Doug, since when do car airbags come in flesh pink?
Labelled, I want to give you pleasure.
Edible undies, Doug.
See, Doug?
Do they come in pizza flavour, man?
Wait a minute, guy. This isn't mine.
I ordered a Schutzenflutzen.
Well, what sort of dirty-minded deviant would order this sort of stuff?
Yo, beautiful people!
I was just passing. I thought I'd, uh...
Oh.
You've opened it.
Is this your stuff, Ben? What stuff? That stuff?
No, I've never seen it.
I've never seen it before.
But if that box is annoying you, let me take it off your hands.
No way. No problem. What are friends for?
It's addressed to the householder.
Bobby, what do you want to do with it?
I don't know, man. I'm not even hungry.
Well?
All right, it's mine.
It's part of a course I'm doing.
Swedish Academy of Personal Fulfillment.
And I suppose this is your lecturer.
No.
That's Ingram.
1495. Punch-a-proof. Cash-back guarantee.
What did you get it sent here for, man?
Tax reasons, Bobby. Tax reasons.
Plus mummer opens my mail.
I'm gonna put this in the bin where it belongs.
Oh, Duggee, that'd be silly. Bobby, don't do that.
Bobby, please stop him. I agree with him, man.
We could recycle it.
I'll do it anyway so we can mine.
I put a lot of money for him.
That sneaky hippie must have taken it.
Oh, Thomas.
Think about it. What's the album doing here?
Bobby must have been up all night looking for it.
He must have left it here.
Well, if there was a letter, why would he hide it?
Have you seen his spelling?
Thomas, this is silly.
I think you want to know what happened between our parents.
Well, it's none of our business.
And Barbie Hayden is none of your business either,
but that doesn't seem to bother you.
I forgot to tell you, I've arranged for you to ring her
to sort things out.
Don't forget, she'll be waiting.
Anna, what about the letter?
Beth is her mother, remember?
So what you guys are looking for?
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And it's proved it kills the germs that cause bad breath,
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Yes, you can, you can say no Yes, you can, you can say no
But not to these But not to these
Just say, say, say Why do I like Caleb's cornflakes?
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Well, I like them because they're really yum.
They're really yum.
They like eating it just with milk.
And I don't like eating it with sugar because it doesn't give the corny taste.
You know what I mean?
They're crunchy and they're crispy and they're yummy.
And they're just, I love eating it.
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Thursday night on 9.
Oh, hey.
This is a home hour of fun.
I'm yours.
Lovey-dovey.
Hey, free beer.
Cheers.
Oh, no, Mr. Peterson, fool me once.
Thursday's on 9.
Dear Beth, it kills me that I can't be with you right now.
But like I tried to explain on the phone, we've got to do this gig.
Mick, the drummer, has to have the bread for his dad's funeral.
The last thing I wanted to do was to make you fry.
Cry-bully.
Yeah, cry.
I never felt this way about anyone before.
Thanks, Bobby.
Just read the letter.
He was.
I've never thought about getting married or having kids.
But for the first time in my life, that's the way you make me feel.
Married doesn't have a Q, Bobby.
It's not a Q, man.
It's a Y.
Oh.
I'm sorry music seems to get in the way all the time.
I'm sorry we argued.
If me giving up music is what you want, then I'll do it.
Yours forever.
Bobby.
Bobby.
Wow.
You must have really loved her.
Yeah, I did, man.
And you really would have given up music for her.
Uh, well, you know, that bit.
About giving up music wasn't... wasn't exactly true.
You were feeding our mother a line?
No.
Well, yeah.
I lied a bit.
See, that's why I didn't want anyone to see the letter.
Your mum saw through it anyway.
She never even answered it.
She never even got it.
What?
Tracy told me that Beth never opened the album, which means...
She never got to hear Penc Flaw.
No, she didn't.
I mean, this is so weird.
What could be so important that Beth would have wanted you
to come all the way back from Cairns?
Yeah.
She was pregnant.
Do you realize what this means?
It means somewhere out there you've got a brother or a sister.
Pregnant was these two, Bobby.
Yeah.
She was that mad that Bobby wouldn't come back that she just took off.
Oh, that's silly, man.
She was like that, Bobby.
Imagine what our lives would have been like
if Bobby and Beth had us spent that weekend together.
Oh.
Ah, wouldn't have worked anyway, man.
We were two different people.
I mean, I realize that now.
Jeez, we had some good times together, though.
I forgot to call Barbie.
You're not into dolls, too, are you, man?
No, Bobby.
No, Bobby.
Barbie's this girl at school that I asked out on a date.
I thought she'd say no, so I asked somebody else as well.
Oh, Thomas, you must never lie to a chick.
Great advice, Bobby.
Oh, have you, uh, tried giving her a pink Floyd?
Oh, yeah, I've tried.
Oh, my God.
Guys, I got it.
It's got my name on it.
My address, it must be mine.
What's the airbag thingy?
It's just, uh, out the woodward gisson.
Hang on, Dougie.
This doesn't say for a car.
It says...
Oh!
What?
It's a...
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Remember that mine brings you the exciting final
of World Cup Triggin' tomorrow at 1.50.
Be sure to join us then,
but for now, stay with us for Who's the Boss?
Tomorrow on A Current Affair,
a bureaucratic penny-pinching
cost the life of a nine-year-old child.
I told our students that one day
I'd receive a message that someone had been killed.
A Current Affair tomorrow, 6.30 on Nine.
Newsbreak brought to you by National Mutual.
Hello again.
Police are continuing their search
for the killer of 46-year-old researcher Margaret Case.
Mrs. Case was gunned down late yesterday
and police want to question her ex-husband Colin,
a teacher from a Darwin high school.
Friends of the dead woman say she told federal police
she feared for her life.
Police have organised a counselling session
for witnesses to the killing
at the Rose Park Primary School tomorrow night.
A National Crime Authority report
into allegations of police corruption in South Australia
has found no evidence of widespread corruption.
But it's made a number of recommendations,
including fixed-term contracts for police officers
so that if they don't perform satisfactorily,
they can be removed.
Weather weather details, here's Barry.
Thanks, Deanna.
One more sunny day, maximum of 30 degrees tomorrow.
But we see cloud building up on Thursday.
It becomes a bit warmer, a bit sultry,
and then we'll see some isolated showers
for Friday and Saturday.
Thanks, Barry. That's all from National Nine News.
Good night.
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one of the best investments he'll ever make,
a National Mutual agent can do for you.
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The following program is classified PGR,
Parental Guidance Recommended.
A brand new life around the bend
There were times I lost a cream or two
Found a trail and left the end was you
There's a path to take and a path not take
The choice is up to you, my friend
Night's so long that you might awake
A brand new life, a brand new life
A brand new life around the bend
And one, and two, and three, and four,
and five, and six, hey, whoa, whoa, hey,
all right, here you go, ready?
Getting warm!
Warmer? Warmer!
You're hot, you're hot, you're boiling.
No, no, no, you're cold, you're cold.
You're an ice cube.
Ow!
You're in trouble.
Billy, Billy, you've pinned the tails on Mona.
Why do I win?
Well, since you're blindfolded, how about a firing squad?
Oh, now, come on, come on.
We're just trying to get ready for Billy's birthday.
Oh, I should have guessed the party box.
Dad, look.
Oh, your magic wand, huh?
I made that for her for her 11th birthday.
Remember I cracked you over the head with it
and you had to get eight stitches?
Yeah, and then the next year I tried to drown you
while you were bobbing for apples.
Oh, those were the happiest days of my life.
And you know what? You're gonna have them too.
Because you're getting an old-fashioned, traditional
Miss Sally birthday, huh?
Look what we got, watch yourself, look what we got.
We got...
Drop the clothespin in a bottle, huh?
Wow!
There you see this.
A puppet show, huh?
It's somebody's birthday, I wonder who.
Me!
Look what else we got.
We got party hats, huh?
Ooh, clap hands, Billy.
It's a hee-haw birthday.
I don't believe it.
We're gonna have a party the same day as Billy's.
Who is?
It's Adam's birthday.
You're invited. It's Adam's birthday.
You...
The Harpers.
The neighbors from hell.
Look what they're having, a build-your-own-Sunday bar.
Oh, yeah, and they're watching Home Alone on big-screen TV.
They knew that we were having a party
and it's just like them to pull something like this.
Relax, Angela, let me tell you something.
Billy's friends will come to Billy's party
because birthdays are not about talking cards and bootleg videos.
They're about friendship and family.
Am I right, birthday boy?
I think I'm going to Adam's party.
For the first time, Julia Roberts.
This is too weird. I'm going next.
Fly with us!
Kevin Bacon.
Nobody is going next.
Clear. No!
The astonishing film that takes you beyond the limits.
Freeze!
That one is 8.30 Sunday online.
So, tell me about the job.
Oh, it's great. I won't get it, though.
Why not?
Must have own car.
Travel, big money.
Sounds neat.
What's that? I said, neat pack.
They're my Libraflur tampons. Uh-huh.
With the all-over cover. Really?
There's no safer.
Safer than your best friend.
I told them you're on your way.
I love coffee.
Yeah, yeah.
Somebody's rustled the cows.
No milk.
No problem. Lookie here.
Carnation coffee, mate.
Makes coffee taste smooth, rich and creamy.
Ain't that something?
Maybe we don't need cows no more.
We don't need cows. We don't need cowboys.
Carnation coffee, mate.
You'll drink it till the cows come home.
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Tony, I keep telling you, talking to these people is an absolute waste of time.
Not true. For the last year they've been very nice.
For the last year they've been out of the country.
See, that's nice. Angela, Tony-san, konnichiwa.
Yeah, okay. Thank you. That year in Japan really stuck with you, huh Mark?
Oh, it was the most enlightening tranquil period of my life. I found inner peace.
Please, come in. Thank you, thank you.
Stop! What?
Your shoes. Oh, it's an old Japanese custom.
New carpeting. Great, great. I got a hole in my sock.
Manny! Who's here?
Well, well, well. It's so nice to see you again.
Konnichiwa.
Please, sit down. Thank you.
We have to talk to you about something very important.
Do you know that your sock has a hole in it?
That's why I was wearing shoes.
You see, the thing is that you've scheduled your Adam's birthday party on the same day as our Billy's.
Oh no, this is awful, hon. We forgot to check the date on this cute little invitation.
What good printing. Billy has the penmanship of a third grader.
That's my writing.
Still impressive.
We feel so bad about this scheduling snafu. We really must do something about it.
Let's move Billy's party to next Saturday. That way the other kids won't miss it.
Look, I don't think you're quite getting the point here, Mark San.
He's right. You see, the thing is that Billy's actual birthday is on Saturday and Adam's isn't for another two weeks.
So why don't you postpone your party?
Well, we could, but he's so excited. I don't think he can wait another two weeks.
Not for nothing, but we did send our invitations out first.
Oh, but we ordered ours weeks ago. If we had settled for construction paper and crayons, ours would have been out first.
Those are magic markers.
As you can see, there's nothing we can do.
We wouldn't be making such a big deal out of this, but this is our little boy's first birthday with us.
And we kind of want it to be special, you know?
Well, look, you haven't met him yet, so how can you say no to this face, huh?
Oh, like this. No, no, no, no, no.
Then how about this face?
Tony, Tony, Tony, obviously we have reached a stalemate. Some people are a little stubborn.
We have no other choice but to have our parties on the same day, shall we?
Let's go, Angela.
Tony, Tony, Tony, come on.
My legs are asleep.
Oh, this guy's good, I think.
Voila! A caterpillar!
Okay, well, if you like that one, you're gonna love this.
A cobra!
Well, thank you, Dave. That was amazing.
So, do I get the gig?
Let me put it to you this way. This here's a walking stick, get it?
Hey, I could use this in my act.
You ain't kidding.
All right, Dave, thanks very much for stopping by, dear.
All right, guys, the search continues, but I promise before the day's over, we're gonna find somebody terrific.
Oh, Amazing Dave was here.
Tony, Tony, we have got to find somebody we're running out of time.
I know, I know.
Maybe we should just give up and go to Adam's party.
No way. No way. We're gonna have a party here, and it's gonna be better than Adam's party.
Adam's party. I'll give you Adam's party.
Hiya, hiya, hiya!
It's Bobo the Crone!
That's right. Hiya, Bobo, I'm Tony Maselli.
Oh!
That's an old bit, but he makes it new.
Hiya, hiya, like my corsage?
If that thing squirts me, you won't need a fake red nose.
Whoa!
Bobo, didn't we see you at the mall?
Every Saturday afternoon. What time is it, kids?
It's Bobo the Clown time!
Hey, I think we found our guy.
I'm gonna call all my friends and tell them we found Bobo the Clown!
Yeah!
Look out there!
Hey, I thought I saw the Bobo-mobile outside.
It's Bobo the Clown. Oh, my kid loves your work.
Oh!
Well, Adam's still invited if he wants to come.
I got a hand to tell you, Maselli, you went out and you got the best.
And I tried to warn you there, Harper.
You know, when you go mano a mano with a Maselli,
you tend to get your mano kicked.
You're a great clown, Bobo.
Oh, he's great! He's great!
And behind every great clown is a great actor.
Why, thank you.
Actually, I graduated from Yale Drama School.
Ooh! Ooh! An Ivy League clown!
I guess you did summer stock then, off-Broadway Shakespeare in the park.
That's right.
Five years ago, Central Park Richard III.
Now is the winter of our discontent.
Oh, you were wonderful!
Yeah, and now you're a clown.
Entertaining a bunch of five-year-olds by squirting silt on your pants, huh?
Hey, hey, hey, Harper, don't depress my clown.
I just think it's kind of sad when a guy throws away a dream.
Oh, I haven't thrown away my dream. I'm still an actor.
Yeah, yeah, see? He's still an actor.
Oh, yeah? Then what are you doing wearing these floppy shoes and a fright wig?
You're an actor. Get out there and act.
You're right. No, no, no, no, no, he's wrong.
To be or not to be?
A clown.
Be a clown, be a clown.
I needed a good kick in the pants to get myself back on track.
Goodbye, whoopee cushions. Hello, Broadway.
No, no, no, no, no, he's wrong, he's wrong.
Oh, the world loves a clown.
Da da da da da da da da da da.
How could you stoop so low?
There is a five-year-old boy upstairs right now calling all his friends,
telling them he's got Bobo the Clown.
Billy can come to our party.
We're going to have two clowns.
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, Harper?
And I'll raise you a video game and pony rides
and a rocket ship right to the moon,
if that's what it takes to get them kids to come to our party.
Yeah, well, Harper doesn't back down either, Miss Selly.
I'd like to swing a little kid over here.
Angela, how much are you prepared to spend on this party?
A quarter of a million dollars.
The best news of all time.
National 9 News would not come in Kevin Kreese
as proven itself to be simply the best news for years.
Houston, we're bringing the flag down now.
Roger, we copy you down.
We're setting up the stars and stripes over on this.
Holy smoke.
What the f*** is that?
Is there a problem up there?
We may have a small technical hitch here.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
I've got a gardening problem.
There's a little corner in the back of my yard with very...
Now there is a difference.
Now you have a real choice.
Only the Wella Balsam range gives you the protein derivative Nutri-Lan
with our Balsam and Purple extracts for condition, protection and shine.
Works like a cool charm.
Okay, fine, fine.
So you're definitely taking Donnie to Adam's party.
Okay, fine, yeah, have fun.
I'm sure Adam's over his quarantine by now.
Oh, you haven't heard?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Mumps and Scurvy.
Oh, yeah, it's tough on a kid, tough on a kid.
But you know, it's really a double whammy on a normal day.
Oh, yeah, it's tough on a kid, tough on a kid, but you know, it's really a double whammy on an adult male, Herb.
Great, see you two.
Good, thank you, bye-bye.
All right, we got Donnie.
Hey, that's great, Tony, we're ahead by one.
Yes, and the rest shall follow like lemmings to the sea.
The Harper's Hole party is beginning to crumble.
It's like a child's fragile sandcastle beneath a rising tide.
You've really captured the fun and innocence of a child's party, Dad.
Thank you.
Hey, and here's the birthday boy now.
Come over here, take a look at this spot here, huh, huh?
We got Donnie.
Who's Donnie?
Who cares, who cares?
The Harper's had him, but now he's with us.
Great, so where should I put this?
Pin the tail on the donkey?
That is boring.
But I like it.
But we're past that now.
We got Nintendo, we got Laser Tag, we got a go-kart.
Well, I guess I don't like it.
That's my boy.
Go ahead, you little birthday munchkin, go out and play.
All right, what'd you find out?
Tony, it does not look good.
The Harper's have three kinds of punch.
Oh, those animals.
All right, Sam, Jonathan, go and buy every kind of punch.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, buy all the punch.
That's right, we'll cut off their supply lines.
Ooh, I hope it's a hot day.
Go, go.
A punch for Billy and a straight jacket for Dad.
Tony, here's an aerial shot I took from the roof.
Oh.
Well, at least Mom's keeping it in perspective.
There's something else that's not going to be easy to top.
A ferris wheel.
Oh!
The XT-150 Turbo.
The Ferrari of ferris wheels.
These people will stop at nothing.
Well, one of us could sneak over there
and throw sand in the mechanism.
That's just it, woman.
The XT-150 is sandproof.
What are we going to do?
Don't worry.
Don't worry, I had a feeling that they might try a last-minute curve.
And because of that, I got a secret weapon.
What is it?
You'll see at the party.
Oh, no!
We want to use the gold carpet.
She's been hogging it all day.
Oh, well, now that's not fair.
You get out of there.
You get out of there and let the other children have a turn.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Line up six trash cans.
I'm going for the record.
Mother, get out of there.
Hi, guys.
Sorry about the calliope music.
We're starting on rides now, kids, and you're all invited.
Kids, wait a minute.
See, you're already here.
You're going to have to go all the way around.
Hey, kids, no problem.
Hello!
Mother, mother, where is Tony?
We need him.
I know.
Have no fear, for I am here to help you.
Captain Super!
My hero.
Hold it.
You're being attacked by the dreaded Livonian link creatures.
There.
You're safe now.
Once again, good triumphs over evil.
Works on pet hair, too.
Wow, Captain Super, that's very clever.
Yeah, pretty hard to top, unless you guys want to meet a couple of real superheroes.
Yeah.
It's the American Gladiators!
Nitro and ice!
Nice tights.
Come on, kids!
Okay, okay, okay, don't panic.
Don't panic, it's just a temporary setback.
We got to fight back.
We got to fight back.
All right.
We need a bigger superhero.
We need a bigger superhero.
Who can we get?
I know.
We'll get Batman.
That's right.
I'll call Michael Keaton.
Yes.
That's it.
See, they'll love Michael Keaton.
I love Michael Keaton, but I don't know Michael Keaton.
I'm babbling.
I'm babbling.
Please stop me, and please get me out of this show before somebody sees me.
I think I've lost my mind.
Tony!
You hit Captain Supa.
Doctor, stop, they're feeding us.
Not necessarily.
Happy birthday, Adam.
Mother, where did you get this?
It was easy.
I just told the delivery boy I was Mrs. Harper.
Mother, that's terrible.
I know.
I'm so much better looking than she is.
Well, I did my part, you do yours.
And may I suggest chili powder?
Hey, Mark.
Hey, it's our cake.
What are you doing with that?
It was delivered to our house by mistake.
Well, thank you very much for returning.
Okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
How long you had this cake?
I don't know, a couple of minutes.
Oh, yeah?
How stupid do you think I am?
Very.
Can we go now?
Wait a minute.
Mm-hmm.
This icing tastes funny.
Pammy, taste this.
It tastes fine to me.
No, of course, no, of course.
They wouldn't put anything in the icing.
They'd put it inside the cake.
Right, right.
What is it?
Tabasco sauce, huh?
Wax it in?
Oh, come on, come on, Harper.
I wouldn't do that to the kids.
Of course you wouldn't.
You know how I know you would?
Because I would.
Come on, come on.
There's nothing in our cake.
Shut up, Pammy.
There's something in here.
I'm gonna find out what it is.
There's nothing in here.
That's what we tried to tell you.
Yes, but of course your suspicious, cynical,
paranoid mind wouldn't believe us.
You know, now, what you did to your son's cake,
you should be ashamed, Harper.
Dad, what happened to my cake?
Uh, not enough egg whites, son.
Now, listen, listen, kids.
I got a big cake over at my house,
and Adam, we're gonna put your name on it too,
okay, birthday boy?
Yeah!
All right, go ahead.
All right, Billy, go ahead, go ahead, kids.
Okay, Miss Silly, you won this round,
but I'll have you know a Harper never ever.
Oh, shut up, Mark.
Oh, Perch.
I'm starting to like her.
Thanks, Mr. Miss Silly.
That was the best party I've ever been to.
Yeah, I threw up three times.
That's okay.
My costume was rented.
Well, I guess we showed those old Harpers.
Yeah, we whipped their butts,
those overly competitive losers.
Hey!
Thanks, Tony.
Thanks, Angela.
This was great.
This was the best.
Oh, honey, well, I'm glad you liked it.
Hey, hey, nothing's too good, pal of mine.
Ooh.
Great, because next year I want to have a camel
and fireworks and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Oh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Yeah, we gotta beat him again next year.
Uh-oh, Angela, I think we got a problem.
Not necessarily.
I know the ad agency that promotes his movies.
Angela!
One of the partners owes me a big favor.
Angela!
Oh, do you think if we get Arnold we can get Maria?
I think she's fabulous.
Would you stop, please?
See what we're doing here, what we've done, what we've become?
I mean, we got so wrapped up in having the best party
that we became what we hate, the Harpers.
And what's worse, we made Billy one of them.
Oh, my God, you're right.
Yeah, all right, look, let's go straighten this out right now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, birthday boy.
Pretty good party, huh?
Yeah.
Lots of great presents.
I'm six and I'm rich.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you made a lot of new friends, right?
I haven't found out who Donnie was.
Yeah.
And there was the go-kart and the trampoline
and all the great food.
It was a pretty perfect day.
Yeah.
And we'll never let it happen again.
Huh?
See, honey, we gave you all these things for the wrong reasons.
That's okay.
No, no, no, no, see, see, see,
do you remember the birthday box, Billy, you know,
with the memories and the tradition and the homemade games?
I mean, that's what birthdays are all about, the simple things.
But you put that stuff back in the attic.
Yeah, yeah, I know, but I was wrong to do that
because I got so wrapped up in competing with those Harpers
that I forgot what was important about birthdays.
And what's important is to have a few good friends
and a family who loves you.
That's all you really need to celebrate your special day.
Yeah, so you see what we're saying?
No Schwarzenegger.
No Schwarzenegger.
Then we'll get Pee-wee Herman.
Well, we've got 364 more days to get through to him.
Nobody touch my stuff!
We better get started now.
Next on 9, witness the Bundy Bounce on Married with Children.
Then a 9.30 high-flying adult drama on chances,
followed by The World Tonight on 9.
I love coffee.
Yeah, yeah.
Darn! Somebody's rustled the cows!
No milk!
No problem. Lookie here.
Carnation coffee, mate.
Yeah, makes coffee taste smooth, rich and creamy.
Ain't that something?
Maybe we don't need cows no more.
We don't need cows, we don't need cowboys.
Carnation coffee.
Carnation coffee.
We don't need cowboys.
Carnation coffee, mate.
You'll drink it till the cows come home.
Adelaide's excited, everyone's invited
The motor show is better, it's really all together
Style and innovation beyond imagination
It's the latest and greatest around
There's a fabulous array of new-release cars, trucks and bikes at this year's show.
Don't miss the cars of the future.
Suzuki's innovative cappuccino,
Dahatsu's impressive Opti-sedan
and the incredible Miromachito van
plus Mazda's innovative suitcase car.
Seeing is believing and believe me, it's worth seeing.
Style and innovation beyond imagination
It's the latest and greatest around
You can tell a red-haired woman
You can tell, you can tell, you can tell
Our new leave-in and intensive conditioners
strengthen and protect all day, every day.
...anywhere
Houston, we're bringing the flag down now.
Roger, we copy you down.
We're setting up the stars and stripes over on this.
Holy smoke! What the...
What's that?
Is there a problem up there?
Houston, we may have a small technical hitch here.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
Humorous, touching, electrifying.
I didn't ask to drive you around, I was giving you.
Bob Husskins, one of today's most celebrated actors
in the acclaimed Mona Lisa, Friday, 8.30 on Channel 9.
Hey, you know, Mark, I really appreciate this.
It's beautiful.
Thank you very much.
It's the least I can do, considering you were kind enough
to mend our fences.
As it were.
Considering we share one, I thought it was the thing to do, you know.
Oh, gosh.
You want a ride in it, don't you?
Well, it is the XT-150 Turbo.
Come on, be my guest.
Really, Mark, really?
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, baby.
All right?
Yeah.
That's great.
Oh, let's go, let's go.
Yeah!
That's great.
That's...
Mark.
Good night, Tony-san.
Mark, Mark, that's not funny, Mark.
Mark.
Mark, Mark-san.
Mark.
Pammy!
Pammy!
Angela!
Oh, you dirty...
Hello.
Harper!
Harper!
Harper!
Hey, Mark.
Mark, that's not funny.
Mark, Mark.
Mark, you...
Mark.
Pammy!
Angela!
The following program is classified PGR, Parental Guidance Recommended.
Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage, This, I tell you, brother,
You can't have one without the other.
Love and marriage, love and marriage, It's an institute you can't disparage,
Ask the local gentry, And they will say it's elementary,
Try, try, try to separate them, It's an illusion.
Try, try, try, and you will only come, To this conclusion, love and marriage.
Marry me, Charisse.
You're the only one for me.
But, Blair, you said that to the twins who are secretly your daughters who you fathered when you were in that coma.
You can't really have children with a man in a coma, can you, Mom?
I think there have been two recorded cases.
I'm home and I'm feeling foul.
So let's have a parting of the butts so I can sit up.
Is the fun always over when Daddy comes home, Mom?
Well, it's just suspended now.
It's not officially over till he takes off his shoes.
Kelly, honey, I know you're a high school graduate, but you may be unaware of a new law.
Since 1989, the government only permits one human lump per family.
So I'm afraid the time has come for you to get a job.
Oh, no, Daddy, you're wrong.
Mommy says that I don't have to do anything.
I'm a girl.
Sweetheart, your mother is the last of a vanishing breed.
The Tyrannosaurus do nothingness.
But there's still hope for you, honey.
You can still get up off a couch without it making a suction noise.
So join with Daddy, won't you, please, in actually earning a living?
But, honey, for Daddy's ego, try not to bring home more money than he does.
So I'd say try returning pop bottles.
Let's stop at ten.
They're two cents apiece, you know.
Gee, Your Honor, I don't know where that shotgun came from.
Now, Kelly, honey, you're getting old enough to know now that you can't go on mooching off society forever.
So go over to Marcy's house, steal her newspaper, and bring back the section with the one ads.
Al, did you really mean what you said about me?
You really think I do nothing?
Well, honey, if you did any less around here, it would be called haunting.
Well, then you have a pretty short memory.
It's me who brass knuckles your underwear into that hamper.
And who invented the broomstick with the piece of gum on the end of it to pick up your socks?
I believe it was I.
Now, I do plenty around here.
I want an apology.
And I want appreciation.
Until I get some, I, Peggy Bundy, am officially on strike.
Ha ha ha.
We're happy little Becky Mutt, despite the spark can be.
We all enjoy a veggie Mutt for breakfast like a teen. Our mommies say we're growing stronger every single week because we love our veggie Mutt.
We all adore our veggie Mutt. It puts a rose in every tree.
It's the vitamin B in veggie Mutt that helps release the energy they need to grow up strong.
We're growing stronger every week.
This one?
Pigs.
Why?
There's a whole flock.
Introducing bacon flavored munchie oinks.
Look for the pack with the flock of flying pigs.
Uh oh, let's head for cover.
Now look, here's the new instant money game called Las Vegas.
For five dollars you can scratch yourself a quarter of a million right there and then.
Two, if you've got to scratch, scratch some cash.
Viva! Ha ha ha ha ha.
If you have five hundred dollars or more to invest for three months, chances are you'll get a cool reception from most places.
But at the Co-op and High Marsh you'll get a red hot rate, 7.5% per annum for three months on balances of five hundred dollars or more.
It's the scorcher we've waited all summer for.
I'll put it into your local Co-op or High Marsh branch very soon before there's a cool change.
The new range of Timotei shampoos and conditioners in herb and honey extract, natural kelp extract and natural herb extract,
is the pure and gentle way to bring out the natural beauty of your hair.
Whatever your hair type, Timotei shampoos and conditioners will leave it beautifully soft and shining.
New Timotei, with the best nature has to offer.
I found a job. Listen, pretty girls need it.
No skills, no talent, no experience, no writing.
It's reading, honey.
No reading? Where are they going to find anyone that stupid?
No, but look, four hundred dollars a month. Now that should help out the family, eh, Daddy?
Sweetheart, dear, this is an ad for a modeling school. See, I'd have to pay four hundred dollars a month.
So what's the problem?
Can you describe the difference between paying and earning? What am I asking you for? Of course you can't.
Oh, come on, Daddy, I want to be a model. Hey, maybe I can get one of those neat jobs standing in a store window.
Peg, you want to take this one?
You want to get Dad on your hands and knees and admit I'm everything to you?
Kelly, I'm not paying four hundred dollars a month so you can walk around with a book on your head.
Hey, go ahead, pout all you want. It's not going to work.
I am a model.
I'm not cooking tonight, you know.
Uh-oh, then I guess I'll just have to live on love.
Not with me. I'm on strike.
Oh, no, then I guess I'll just have to live.
Look, Daddy, you thought that your four hundred dollars was wasted.
I'm okay, Daddy.
Sure you are, sweetheart. Honey, now, go sit over there. Sit down, dear.
I am a model.
Good sweetheart. But, honey, you have been a model for two weeks now.
You know, if the telephone rings, I'm not getting it.
Well, darn, if I miss another dinner with the Trumps because of you, I'm going to take it out on the help.
Honey, this modeling thing isn't working out, but I have an idea.
Why don't you take the skills you've acquired at modeling school and get an important job?
When will you meet the public and serve them french fries?
But, Daddy, I can't stop now. Modeling is in my blood.
Even my teacher said that I am a natural born leg-crosser. Watch.
I can do it at will.
Okay, Kel, I did what you asked.
I put all your Garfield cartoons on cassette tape so you can listen to them in the car.
Now, can I meet the modeling babes?
Isn't he pathetic?
Yeah, right. But don't worry about him. Honey, have you seen anything down there Daddy might like?
Yeah. You know, maybe there's a job for a runway model with dirty underwear.
And now, here's Al, looking frisky for fall in his stained boxer shorts
and matching yellowing t-shirt.
Note the holes. New this season for easy access scratchin'.
Oh, thank you, Al.
And walking behind him, his socks.
Resplendent in their no toe or heel look.
Thanks again, Al.
Gee, officer, if I thought my wife was missing, would I be in this bar drinking a beer?
Come on, Kel. I'll do anything.
Well, actually, you could help me study for this job audition at the auto show.
Can you be a car?
Then will I get to meet the babes? Pretty ones as dumb as you?
Dumber.
Oh, man. What kind of car am I?
280 zit.
They better be mighty dumb, Kel.
Okay. Now, you just stand here and car.
Now, my job is to come up with an interesting and exciting way to introduce the new Elantay.
You ready? Ready. Okay.
The new... No.
The new...
The new...
400 bucks.
Wait, I'm getting an idea. I'm getting an idea.
How about this?
The new...
Oh, what's the name of the stupid car?
Kelly, why don't you just write it on your hand like you do your name?
No, wait. Topeka. I have found it.
I don't think you mean Topeka, Kel.
Oh, yeah, that's right. I meant urethra.
How about this?
The new... Elantay.
What do you think? What do you think?
I think you got it.
I know I've got it. I shall be the Elantay girl, for I have invented the Bundy Bounce.
I'm going to be the Elantay girl.
Thursday night online.
Oh, hey. Ow.
Don't miss a whole lot of fun.
I'm yours. Lovey-dovey.
Hey, free beer.
Cheers.
Oh, no, Mr. Peterson, fool me once.
Thursdays online.
Oh, yeah.
We can turn those grey skies to blue.
Sizzler is making lunch across Australia.
Variety in choices, smiles in friendly voices.
Come and enjoy your lunch the Sizzler way.
Sizzler.
Check this out.
Book it.
Australia's greatest guitarist Tommy Emmanuel and his new album Determination.
Thirteen tracks of guitar brilliance as only Tommy can play.
If you think you've heard it all before, Tommy Emmanuel's Determination will make you think again.
Out now.
Elantay.
Elantay.
Wow. I feel like I died and went to Dad's Happy Box in the basement.
I beg of you, Pepe Lapew.
Control your urges and your scent, okay?
Okay.
I'm gonna go practice my Elantays.
Okay. I'm just gonna wander around and see what's biting.
I do believe I seized my supper.
Hello.
I know you models are always watching your weight.
Care for a Bud Light?
I'm sorry, but I think you've mistaken me for someone who would speak to someone like you.
Stee-rake one.
Ooh.
Need some help?
One good turn deserves another.
Stee-rake.
Elantay.
Elantos.
Aluminum.
Kelly.
Elantay.
Hi, Kelly. Been practicing.
Nope. Don't need to.
I'm slam dunking this baby.
You seem pretty confident for someone who got tension headaches during smiling class.
So, what are you doing for your audition?
Well, I come after you, so I guess I'll have to wait till the curly tail disappears.
Well, then, of course, after the cries of Sue Wee die down, I'll do my best to follow in your hoof prints.
Slut.
Skank.
Trap.
Can't accessorize.
That hurt.
With you?
Foul tip.
Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice you undressing me with your eyes.
How would you like to hear my recipe for a love cocktail?
One cup of you, two cups of me. Put it to boil and serve while hot.
Look, I'll let you touch my hair if you go away and leave me alone. I have to audition.
You're wasting your time, babe. My sister's got it locked.
Who's your sister?
Kelly. Anyhow, what do you say to you and me and one of your friends makes three?
What exactly is Kelly doing?
She told me not to tell anybody.
Not even me?
No one.
Not even... me?
It's called the bunny bounce and it goes like this.
The new... Elantay.
Thanks, that's all I needed to know.
You said I could touch your hair.
Okay, everybody. Ladies, attention. Attention, ladies.
The client is here. Let's show them what we can do, all right?
First up, Rochelle Alpert.
The new Alpert.
My name.
Alantay. Alantay.
Very good. Very good, Rochelle.
Incense Berkowitz.
That's Incense.
Next...
Piper Baumann.
Gosh, I'm so nervous.
Well, then perhaps you should have worn underwear.
Just do the best you can, sweetheart.
The new Alantay.
Thank you. I call it the Bowman bounce.
She stole my bounce.
Gee, how could that have happened?
Excellent, excellent. And now as if there was any need, Kelly Bundy.
The new...
Alantay.
That was my bounce.
Don't do anything, huh?
Well, we'll see. I'll break him. I'll break him.
How about you, boy?
Mommy does things for you, doesn't she?
You're not my mommy.
My mother has six nipples and one licked my belly.
You're the only one who understands.
Hey, Payne.
Still on strike?
What does it look like?
You could be on fire and I wouldn't know.
This has been the best two weeks of my life.
You know, the uncertainty is gone.
Accepting your utter uselessness has freed me.
Since I've been taking care of myself, food's better, conversation is better,
and without sex, my hair's coming back.
It's not coming back, honey. It's just growing up out of your nose.
Oh, Peg, would it really make you feel better if I told you I needed you?
Yes, it would.
Well, I don't.
I got my food, got my drink, a few minutes, got my ball game.
Uh-oh.
Remote. Peg?
Yes, sweetheart?
Ball game's coming out in a few minutes.
Where's the remote control?
You mean your shooting iron? Your magic wand?
The only way you could turn anything on?
Yes. Have you seen it?
Well, you know, sweetheart, yes, as a matter of fact, I have.
And I would love to tell you where it is, but, gee, I can't.
I'm on strike.
Fine. Don't need it. Watch TV with me.
There. Game's on.
We'll be back with the kickoff after these messages.
We'll be back with the second half after these messages.
I'm an active gal, and as such, I need maximum protection.
Fine. I don't need it. I'm happy. I have everything else.
I don't need TV. How long has it been?
Ten seconds. Peg, I give up. I'll do anything.
Give me what I need, baby!
Give me my remote control!
And what will Daddy give Mommy?
Well, I already told you I needed you. What else do you want?
Peg, it's light on. For God's sake, we'll be able to see each other.
Honey, we wouldn't want anything to happen to your remote control, would we?
Okay, honey, just a quickie, okay?
No. I want the full minute and a half.
Okay. Okay.
And I want the shoes off.
Oh, God!
Could you easily eat a pack of new Arnett's Wheat and Potato Knick Knacks?
All on your own?
No worries. They're baked, not fried.
They're baked with a little salt and vinegar, cheese and I can get knicks.
Max taste, Nick's worries.
Get back to work!
In Woman's Day this week, Goldie Hawn and other stars reveal the sex scenes that drive their lovers wild,
and Rod and Rachel strip off in Oz.
It's God for life, a family's living hell after a freak fire,
America's gossip queen exposes more royal scandals, and Golden Girls star haunted by AIDS nightmare.
Paul Keating tells why he hates taking his clothes off,
why Effie wants some of our top men eat the foods you crave and lose kilos,
and Athena's magic spells for love and happiness.
Blacktop's a street game. Observe the street rules.
Life is short, play hard, rebuke.
A little iced coffee is always better than none.
Tomorrow on A Current Affair, how bureaucratic penny pinching cost the life of a nine-year-old child.
I told my students that one day I'd receive a message that someone had been killed.
A Current Affair tomorrow, 6.30 on Nine.
How did she know about the Bundy Bounce?
I mean, the only one who knew besides me was you.
How could she find out?
Well, we may as well face it.
We'd never be able to piece this thing together.
Hi, kids.
Did you know your father is hanging from the window, butt bare to the world, screaming for help?
That's okay. Mom's with him.
No, if you'll excuse me.
Someone stole an idea from me and cost me a modeling job,
so I'm going to handle this the only way that us Bundys know how.
With swift and blinding violence.
Oh, no. Now, wait a minute, young lady.
If you've got a problem you think you can solve with violence,
don't you think you should talk to your parents?
You can run, but you can't hide.
Could I perhaps help in any way?
Well, you could wait outside with the engine running.
Kelly, haven't you ever heard the phrase,
you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar?
Yes, but if you pull their wings off, they'll eat whatever you give them.
No, Kelly, wait. Let me put this another way.
You're a woman now, not a child.
You should solve your problems in the mature, sophisticated way of the adult.
Call 911! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
And if your parents were adults instead of stick figures,
I'm sure they would agree with me.
So my advice to you would be to go to this person and appeal to her sense of fairness.
Explain how much she hurt you, and she'll respond to your maturity with maturity.
For women, unlike men, have the capacity to feel.
We talk things out, and when you tell her a cheater never wins and a winner never cheats,
she'll give you that job back.
And now, the car of tomorrow.
New Alante!
Now, please follow me to our next exhibit.
Well, congratulations, Miss Bundy.
But what happened to Miss Bowman?
Oh, stage fright. I mean, fright.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, Bud, I came, I saw, I bounced.
Today the Alante girl, tomorrow slut in a Bon Jovi video.
Reach for those stars, eh, Kel?
You should feel pretty proud, too. You didn't even have to read your hand.
Yeah, but now's the time I have to read my hand,
because I wrote myself a little note.
It says, the one who... oh, what's that word?
Told about the Bundy bow...