Very nice. Okay, tomorrow we're gonna put my cards in the envelopes. Trying to save a little time this holiday season? Then come to Best Buy, where you'll find gifts for everyone on your list, all in one place. Best Buy, this holiday, turn on the fun. My doctor says I'm healthier than he is. I swim every day. It takes your mind off your troubles. If you suffer from arthritis pain, speak to your doctor. The lake is good for your soul. Tylenol Arthritis Pain, the strength to provide all-day relief with just two caplets. And it's gentler on your stomach. When I swim, I'm free. Tylenol Arthritis Pain. The perfect gifts to give this holiday are Walt Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. And for the first time, all your favorite Disney characters in one movie, Mickey's Magical Christmas. Bring home any two Disney videos or DVDs plus Snow White, and you can get a fourth one free. Shopping for the fellas. Does everybody have the sweater they gave their husband last year? Pass it to the girl on your right. Box it, wrap it, and let's go to McDonald's. Get to McDonald's now for the new chili cheese McDouble. Hearty chili and tangy onions make this a double cheese, sure to please. Made just for you on McDonald's new taste menu. Maria, I love it. Theo has one just like it. Unexpected new tastes at your favorite place. Now on McDonald's new taste menu. McDonald's, a worldwide Olympic partner. Okay, guys. Sam Adams of the Baltimore Ravens helps the United Way by participating in first aid training developed to help kids succeed. Apply gentle pressure. Sam knows the meaning of the word success. Check the pulse and do not panic. Panic. They were both underdogs. Now Texas battles Colorado for a BCS bid. The Dr. Pepper B-12 Championship Saturday night at 8-5 Pacific on ABC. On this day in AFB history. May 31st, 2000. Oh, yes. Let's face it. Being a teenager is painful and you don't even need a drum in the face. No matter how cool you pretend to be deep down, you're insecure. You're awkward. From the age of 13 to the age of 20, you feel like you're just a pimple in a sweater. Lovely poetic image, wasn't it? Yes. Here are some teenagers behaving adolescently. One of the good things about being a teen is you're surrounded by all your friends. One of the bad things is you're surrounded by all your friends. When you're a teenager, your body goes through so many changes, you never know when a growth spurt is going to hit. And for a small percentage, there is the embarrassing problem of water retention. Laura's really been looking forward to going to the zoo. Poor kid. This day couldn't get any worse. One thing about teenagers, they thrive on excitement. Oh great, now the engine's flooded. Why would you wear your glasses in the tub? I guess it's to see how clean you got. And when you're a teenager, your friends are an important support system, so don't be afraid to let them see what you're really made of. While you were watching those clips, I was making the acquaintance of R2, who is from Armenia, and you told me you don't speak much English, right? You know, you'll be happy to know I'm much funnier when you don't know much English. R2 agrees. Now be it Armenia or somewhere else, we'd all love to take an exotic vacation, but it costs a fortune, and all you want to do when you get there really is eat a cheeseburger and find some good old American plumbing. Now we're going to take you traveling, it won't cost you any money, and you don't have to get out of your chair. Just enjoy. R2, you'll love this. You've heard Australia's koala is one of the sweetest animals on Earth. It's a myth. Grandma, say hi. Hi. Where are you? Mexico. No, China. Golfing on the Great Pyramid, tut, tut, tut. Wave. Wave. Winter cruises are nice, but book early because seats go fast. And remember, some resorts have a penalty for late checkout. And Seamus is peeing on you. I hate you, Seamus. I just want to mention, R2, you don't have to know English to appreciate a clip like that. The universal language, a dog taking a leak on its master at the beach. In the interest of anybody else who might be having trouble with my introductions, we're going to go to a minimalist introduction for these next clips. Cameron, is it? You're going to help us out. Just read what's right there. Remarkable, astonishing, amazing, incredible, really, really neat this next clip. Look at this, look at this. It makes sense. Everyone wants their dreams to come true, whether that's being a movie star, walking on the moon, or even looking good in overalls. The best way to make your dreams happen is to go back to sleep. Yes. Hello, I'm a videotape and I'm stuck here in your video camera. I'm lonely. I need to be shared with the world. There's something funny on me. I just know it. The kid's birthday party, that vacation, maybe a wedding. The sad part is I could be worth $100,000, but no one will ever know if I'm not sent in. So please put me in an envelope and send me to America's Funniest Home Videos, P.O. Box 4333, Hollywood, California, 90078. And for full contest rules, log on to abc.com, keyword AFV, or write this address. Please take me out of here and send me in. We'll both be so much happier. Julie's really suffering. Yeah, she's getting a bad cold. Head all blocked up. Stiff and achy all over. Better get that new Alka-Seltzer Plus. Oh, yeah. Introducing a new Alka-Seltzer Plus with a new effervescent cold fighting formula to break up nasal congestion and release you from your worst cold misery. New effervescent Alka-Seltzer Plus breaks up your worst cold. And now there's two new great tasting flavors, Alka-Seltzer Plus Orange Zest and Cherry Burst. Buy one, get one half off. On anything? Yeah, buy a pair of mules, get loafers half price. Buy boots for your husband, get a pair for yourself half price. It's the buy one, get one half off sale. Good on everything in the store. I've never seen this side of you before. Doesn't it feel good? Pay less. They're mine! They're mine! They're mine! They're mine! I say all four are mine. Now when you buy a Whopper value meal at Burger King, get a Lord of the Rings Light Up Glass Goblet just $1.99 each. Collect all four. They're mine! Guys, collect all four. That doesn't mean there's only four. There's plenty. Oh. But supplies are limited. They're mine! The adventure begins here. Great. Credit card bill. Look at these fees. Honey? One rate for purchases, higher rate for cash advances, and those telemarketers. Relax, we switched to Capital One's new no-hassle card. Introducing Capital One's new no-hassle Platinum card. No balance transfer fees, no telemarketing, one low fixed rate. Honey? What's in your wallet? Water sucks you in. Weather spits you out. Wave Race Bluestorm. Only for Nintendo GameCube. Rated Everyone. A television event that's been building since it first premiered. A turning point has arrived. A new alias, ABC Sunday, 9, 8 Central. Brett Farvin Company aimed a bag of Jags. But these cats might have a trap on the pack. Hackers, Jaguars, are you ready? Monday Night Football at 9, 6 Pacific. A stolen car with a child inside. Tonight at ABC 7 News at 11, live coverage of The Surge. And his music changed people's lives. The Bay Area remembers George Harrison. I'll say your weekend plans may be rained out. Spencer's actually with a forecast at 11. Denteen ice. Sub-zero flavor inside. Delicious cold minty shell outside. The gum that puts your breath on ice for a long time. Denteen ice. Nothing's colder than ice. It's very clear. Our love is here to stay. Heading home for the holidays? See your Chrysler dealer first. For the security of 7-year or 100,000-mile powertrain protection on any new Chrysler. Plus, we've extended 0% APR on Select 2002 through January 8. We're here. Our love is here to stay. And now your host, Billy Sardell. Well, the pizza heritage, it spans 40 years. It comes as no surprise that Roundtable makes a magnificent veggie pie. These guys don't just pound out a pizza, throw on some veggies, and take a nap. They use the highest caliber dough, three blends of cheeses, and only the freshest of vegetables. I must say I'm impressed with this pizza. And I'm a meat guy. Taste the classic Guinevere's Garden Delight, available only at Roundtable. The latest lift to turn back the clock. Dr. Dean Adell reports at 11. Some kids are truly angels, are always well-behaved, doing what they're told. Other kids, you swear you can see the horns sprouting from their foreheads as they poke at you with their pitchfork. Lucky for you, we caught those little devils on tape. Please calm down. You are so silly. I know, you are being bad. I know, but you're being silly. You know mama's coming back. With any group of kids, there's usually one clown who ruins it for everybody. Hey, go lick on someone your own size. You know what they're fighting about, whose dad is tougher. Do nice. Older brothers can resent younger siblings and they have ways of keeping them down. Sally loves being an only child and wants to keep it that way. And any child can be devilish given the right tools. At the start of the show, you may recall I was speculating about my own future. Everyone is obsessed with the future. Years ago they said by now we'd be traveling with jetpacks or meals would be in pill form. Farms would be filled with electric sheep. That's really the great thing about predicting the future. In most cases you're not around to be wrong. In the future. In the future people will travel to work by personal hoop craft. Luckily this man works in the field. I'm going to clean your nose now. In the future babies will have off switches in their ears. The future will see the invention of the self cleaning campsite. And the month of March will come in like a bunny and go out like a lamb. In the future mobile homes will be totally collapsible. And babysitters will be replaced by giant water slugs. Some people have diaries or as we men say journals to keep track of what they do every day which is great until their little brother steals it out of their underwear drawer and reads it to all of his friends. Some keep video diaries. If one of these is yours, talk to your little brother. Fluorescent lights just aren't healthy for you. See, they sap you of your strength. When rollerblading the proper equipment is essential. You need pads, a helmet and a four cylinder hatchback. Maybe it's me but I just don't understand Mexican television. I'm going to fling the door wide open. Did you know that Humpty Dumpty had kids? Danny and Dorothy Dumpty. My favorite part of that whole clip package was that the kid singing in the bathroom was singing I'm singing in the bathroom which is great. That was a lovely little ditty. You can only wonder what the B side is of that little single. Every now and again we like to introduce some new sponsors to the show and here they are. Tired of your house smelling like fresh lemon or pine? Maybe it's time for you to try new Box O Skunk. Order now and you'll also receive Bag O Bird, Cup O Squirrel and Tubo Dog available wherever fine odors are sold. It might feel like life is a beach but it's really a stage. It'll all be fine when AFV returns. Your favorite family adventure is back. Littlefoot and Sarah and all their friends return in their all new adventure The Land Before Time, The Big Freeze. You are going into the mysterious beyond? No, yes, maybe. Your hands on your hips, shoulders back. All new songs. Stomp your feet in the dirt. The Land Before Time, The Big Freeze. The latest chapter in the adventure series your family has known and trusted for years. Available Tuesday on video and DVD rated G. Here in Italy there's a place where the chicken marsala is so good you never forget it. And now Chef Neary has taught our Olive Garden chefs the secrets of her recipe so they can make it for you tonight. Olive Garden, when you're here, you're family. Why do I like holiday shopping at Office Depot for my friends and family? Because they have a shipping center right in the store. So I can choose any of their great gifts, wrap and pack them and Office Depot sends them anywhere in the world. That means I can get just the right thing for everyone on my list. It's empty. Office Depot, proud sponsor of the 2002 U.S. Olympic team. Women want you to believe they have to suffer to stay in shape. But what about Kellogg's Special K? Does that look like suffering to you? Delicious, lightly toasted flakes in only 110 calories? It doesn't sound so bad to me. Maybe it's time for me to do the Special K thing. Kellogg's Special K, looking good, never tasted so great. A sponge can hold germs. Paper towels don't disinfect. Dish rags get dirty. Try Clorox disinfecting wipes. They clean and disinfect in one easy step. Clorox disinfecting wipes, the better way to wipe up. Ow. So you think Santa will like these red and green M&Ms? I don't know. I never met the guy. He does exist. They do exist. Uh, Santa? Wouldn't it be perfect if kids were always ready to go and sausage would cook in under a minute and taste like fresh cooked? New Jimadine Fresh Taste Fast Sausage. You'll get Jimadine taste in less than a minute. Fresh taste fast, guaranteed. I want to say a few words about a friend of mine. Well, we're rooming together? His name is Brian Piccolo. Honey, have you seen the girls? Yes, the rarest form of courage. Brian is sick. I can't lose him. I love Brian Piccolo. Tonight, please ask God to love him, too. Brian Song, Sunday at 7, 6 Central on ABC. Tuesday, Dharma gives Greg the OK to see a Vegas Curly Show. There's just one catch. Only one's featuring large, Slavic women. A new Dharma and Greg, Tuesday on ABC. Thursday on ABC, it's a Charlie Brown Christmas brought to you in part by Welch's. Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown! Watch and enter the online Charlie Brown gift of giving sweepstakes. Top prize a $10,000 shopping spree and a matching gift for charity. That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. A Charlie Brown Christmas, Thursday on ABC. Charlie Brown and Welch's, both family traditions for decades. Here's a package we like to call boats, dogs, babies, beaches and brooms. Watch closely and see if you can find out why. The only thing Terry loved more than his new boat was his old hat. Once a dog gets a taste of pajamas, he'll never go back to dry food. He's had a really long day. Two, two, two naps in one. It's the same old me, colder in here. Well, at least now his head's warm. Those sandwiches are a little dry. Oh, no! A twister! Run! Oh, yes. When we go shopping, we usually don't give much thought to how the products made it to the shelves. Well, tonight, AFV salutes one link in America's chain of commerce, the product testers. These babies are checking the chairs for durability and, in a moment, for absorbency. These new roller skates can be converted into shoes. But they're still working on the transition. No professional football player would wear a helmet unless it was thoroughly tested by a three-year-old. Another product that's still being checked before it makes it to the marketplace, the steam-powered television. The baby wants to test the hose, but first he has to catch it. Bob would love to test the durability of sheetrock. He just didn't know when to stop. The old Bob O'Rourke trick. When it comes to food, this country used to be strictly meat and potatoes, but now our palates are so sophisticated, we'll pretty much try anything that fits in our mouth. Here are some eating habits, though, that will make you think twice before you swallow. This dog must be important. He's got a human to test his drink for him. This kid's trying a new product. I can't believe it's not a heart attack. When I said rare, I had no idea. Oh, sure, anybody can use chopsticks if the food can hold on for itself. They say you should never look inside the kitchen of your favorite restaurant. Have you eaten all your ham, Quinn? Remember you have. What's the big deal? It's going to end up there eventually. Are you eating all your ham? When you're too tired to tickle, there are alternatives. When television was first introduced, the whole family would gather to watch the same program. There was something for everyone, from a rock singer to a mouse who spoke in a bad Italian accent. Today, though, there's a specific channel for everything, and I'll prove it to you. Polka Planet. The Chiropractor Channel. Toilet TV. The Belly Button Network. The Fashion Channel. Yeah, he's got it going now, see. Tin Ear TV. Alright, America, you have been holding out on us. Now, we know you have some funny tapes tucked around the house of your kids' ball games, the wedding you were in, the vacation you took last year. Send them to us. Just as an example, one woman had a tape sitting in the VCR for years. She finally sent it in, and it changed her life. Now she's married to a prince. She lives on a yacht off the coast of France. Okay, that's not true. My point is, a tape could change your life, but you've got to send it to us. Jess, talk some sense into these people. I'll try, Tom. Okay, we've had these talks before, and I thought you were listening, but apparently we have to do it again. We want your videotapes. VHS, mini-TV, hi-8. We're not fussy, we're just greedy. We want them all, as long as they're funny or amazing. And you know what? That tape could win you $100,000, 100 grand, 100 large, 100 boxes of ziti, but it won't be worth diddly-squat if you don't send it. So get on with it and send it to AFV, PO Box 4333, Hollywood, California, 9078. And for full contest rules, log on to abc.com, keyword AFV, or write this address. If you don't, both Tom and I will be very disappointed. You kids want some chicken nuggets? Hey, you're not the real Santa. What? A phony Santa giving away mystery meat nuggets? Not today! Freeze, Claus! Stuff that in the stocking. Now, taste the holiday cheer of all-white meat KFC popcorn chicken. KFC popcorn chicken is back. Crunchy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Get an individual size for just $1.99 or a party size for just $6.99. Popcorn chicken to all and to all a good night! Underneath my graceful exterior lies the interior of a computer geek. I mean, check out the camcorder and power book I got at CompUSA. I can record myself dancing, then add effects and edit on the power book and still have created a masterpiece. And then, you know, edit some more. Now at CompUSA, buy any notebook or desktop and get an Epson printer free. I remember the first time I ever had wolf juice grape juice. Ever since, I always drink it nice and slow. Mmm, wolf juice is 100% grape juice. See? Nice and slow. That way, I never miss a taste. Water sucks you in. Weather spits you out. Wave Race Blue Storm. Only for Nintendo GameCube. Rated everyone. A gift from K means you can be assured of two things. First, the K diamonds are hand-selected for exceptional beauty. And second, that you'll absolutely love it. This holiday K's beautiful diamond earrings start from only 99.95. Every kiss begins with K. It was fascinating. Hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho. Everyone has a memory of Walt Disney's most beloved classic. He just kissed her and she woke up and we said yes. Bring home the newly restored Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, now available on video, also on Disney DVD. Sex? Sex? Is there something in the air? I'm in favor of it. Or is everyone just a little frisky? Without it, I start to go crazy. But let's face it. I sure would like to be seduced one day. Everyone's got a fantasy. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. Really? A new once and again tonight at 10, 9 Central on ABC. ABC Sunday. Sloan's having me followed. Set your clocks for 9, 8 Central. That reporter may well be a casualty of his own curiosity. A television event that's been building since it first premiered. But then we found our mole. A turning point has arrived. A new alias. ABC Sunday, 9, 8 Central. Bicycle. Good, honey. Bicycle. Bus. Mm-hmm. That's right. That's a bus. Airplane. Mm, yeah. That's a plane. What the? Chrysler P2 Cruiser. You might not know what it is, but you'll love it. Now get Chrysler P2 Cruiser starting at just 16.8. Plus seven-year or 100,000-mile power drain protection. ABC 7 is proud to partner with Safeway for the 10th annual Share Your Holiday Food Drive. Please join our employees and help hungry families in the Bay Area have a happier holiday. ABC 7 will broadcast live from Safeway stores around the Bay. You can donate food at your neighborhood Safeway and make this holiday season a little bit brighter. The Safeway Share Your Holiday Food Drive, Monday, December 17th on ABC 7. A group of clips is a lot like a poker hand. A couple of practical joke clips, a pair of aces, a bunch of baby clips, a flush. And when you play AFV poker, every hand is full of jokers. The real story of Mother Goose was nag, nag, nag. No shirt, no shoes, no balance. Sorry, I got distracted. What am I looking for again? Well, his doctor did tell him to get more greens in his diet. Where's Tanya? The world's biggest whoopee cushion. Whoopee! What's the matter? Remember the great feeling you'd get riding your bike in the backyard? It is always a risk seeing live theater. Before I see a play, I like to read the reviews so someone else can make up my mind for me. But then, when I see the ads for the play, I notice they only print the good parts of the review. I'll show you what I mean. Gator dance makes a trip to the dump look like great theater. When it comes to musical mysteries, Smoke on the Daughter stinks to high heaven. Bouncing veloxy blues is the worst trampoline play ever. You can't wait for screaming Mimi to end. Romeo and Juliet must die has put Shakespeare in his grave for good. Up, up and no way is a super loser. You won't believe a man can fly. I know what you're thinking. It's got to be easy introducing all these tapes, right? It isn't. It's tough, especially when there's really only three words to describe them. Tapes, which I've just used, videos, and clips. So I've come up with a new word to help me out, all right? Everybody relax and enjoy these thingamabobs. Hey, what's that dog eating? I think he's rabid. He's foaming at the mouth. I know about cats and dogs, but how can you tell if a snake likes you? Hey, it's all perfectly legal. He's not using his hands. Truth is all horses can talk. They just don't have anything interesting to say. Look, he's got a butterfly. See, cats usually start with something small before they go for the bigger game. I know what you're thinking. There's a guy who's into the club scene. Well, you're right. Not nightclubs, though, or country clubs. There's only one club that I care about, the AFV $10,000 Club. Come on, let's rub shoulders with the winners and see if some of the magic rubs off. Yeah, it's getting late, you guys. It's time to get out. Okay. Take the inner tube off, Jamie. Jamie, take the tube off. It's stuck. It can't be stuck. Michael, stop it. Michael, take the tube off. Michael. I'm going to show you how Jamie got stuck. Okay. Are you going to live that way the rest of your life? I'm going to go get some margarine. All right, now try to get it off. Okay, now pull it off. Pull the tube. Pull the tube. Why do I have the feeling we just saw the beginning of years of therapy right there? One of the mythic figures in American culture is the cowboy, roping, riding, and collecting things like Belgian lace and listening to opera. Mr. Cowboy, we tip our 10-gallon hats to you. Okay. Okay. Children, of all the clips you've seen tonight, you had to choose three of them. Well, we already imagined, and here they are. Pet peeves, sent in by Teresa and Zach Casey from Odessa, Texas. The breeder claims that Fluffy likes children, but I think he means as part of his diet. The Quad Squad, sent in by Steve and Allison Mathias from Lexington, South Carolina. And the slip, sliding away, sent in by Jim and John Murphy from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Winter cruises are nice, but book early, because seats go fast. All right, audience, pull the curtain on your imaginary voting booth and vote now. Whose pockets will be lined with the $10,000? Will it be pet peeved? The Quad Squad? Or slip, sliding away? Tell you what, let's meet back here in a moment to find out. It's the gift of a grandchild's life. It's the gift of a sister's advice. It's the holiday gift they'll really love, time together, thanks to Verizon Wireless. Now get 3,500 total monthly minutes for just $35 monthly access on select digital plans. So you can call anyone, anywhere in the U.S. and talk all you want, with nationwide long-distance included. And get a free Ericsson phone with activation after mail-in rebate. To give your loved ones the gift they really want, you, Verizon Wireless, join in. They say it started very small, as most dreams do, and the dream began to grow and come alive. Such in every one of us, lighting up the sky. Join us this year as we celebrate the 100th birthday of the man who started it all. Make your plans at DisneyWorld.com. We share our dream come true. Are you dreaming of the perfect gift? Swing in to Old Navy for sleep bottoms at a sweet price. They're at the top of everyone's list, with so many to choose from. We got you covered. Get a jump on the season's best gift at a great price, just $12.50 to $16.50 for the whole family. Only at Old Navy. Okay, girls, shopping for the fellas. Does everybody have the sweater they gave their husband last year? Pass it to the girl on your right, box it, wrap it, and let's go to McDonald's. Get to McDonald's now for the new chili cheese McDouble. Hearty chili and tangy onions make this a double cheese, sure to please. Made just for you on McDonald's new taste menu. Maria, I love it. Theo has one just like it. Unexpected new taste at your favorite place. Now on McDonald's new taste menu. McDonald's, a worldwide Olympic partner. It's that time of year again. We wish you a Merry Christmas. The best commercials you've never seen. Holiday Edition, next on ABC. Eight o'clock, eight o'clock, Damon's on it, eight o'clock, eight o'clock. And 7 Central. My wife and kids on Wednesday night. Here's the time. Oh, really? Then up next there's more fun to find. Jimbaloo, she's on with According to Jim. ABC Wednesday night. See you then. Will your weekend be a washout? Spencer has exactly where to forecast at 11. All righty. Time now for the results of our voting. The second place $3,000 winner is Pet Peeved, sent in by Teresa and Zach Casey from Odessa, Texas. And the winner of the $10,000 and tonight's funniest video is The Quad Squad, sent in by Steve and Allison Mathias from Lexington, South Carolina. Well, well, well. Hi, Steve, how are you? And Allison, how are you? Uh-oh. Oh, mean host man, give me $10,000. I'm vexed. I have to ask with the kids, did you know you could do this beforehand or was this just an experiment? They started doing it like 10 minutes before and I said, hey, I need to get the camera, so I ran and got it. They continued to do it. And we also have Grandma Sarah and Diane helping out here. Who's the one who's crying? Right now is Grace. Grace, do you think maybe we could recreate the video to put her in better spirits? I don't know about that. That would require me making a fool of myself. You already have. Well, why don't you, who's this? This is Emily. Can you hold on to Emily and Grace? And we'll see if we can get Grace in better spirits. See if Dad can recreate this. All right, so come over, stand over here with me. All right. And you, you can take the microphone. Come over here so we can get a nice close-up. All right, give it your best shot. We're not taking the 10 grand back if this doesn't work. All right, go ahead. Look at Daddy. Hey, he's batting $750, huh? That's not bad. Thanks a lot. Thank you. Have a seat. I want to mention to you, not only have you won the $10,000, but now you're all eligible for the $100,000 drawing later in the series. So good luck on that. It was great to have you all here. Thanks so much. Thanks for helping out. Congratulations. All right, that is it for tonight. But that doesn't mean you can't watch more videos. Just go to ABC.com keyword AFV to see some legendary videos and some that have never been seen on TV before. And keep sending those tapes, because if you get it on tape, you could get it in cash. Good night, everybody. Good night. Tomorrow, ABC Sports brings you a great college football doubleheader at 1 Eastern, 10 a.m. Pacific, No. 1 Miami Battles Virginia Tech. Then at 4.30 Eastern, 1.30 Pacific, Oregon State faces No. 5 Oregon, or some will see Notre Dame versus Purdue.