You're watching NBC All Night. Now stay tuned for Conan.
From NBC Studios in New York, it's Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
Tonight, Kim, Delaney, Lisa, Renna, Tommy, Tom, Agnes, and another chilling look into the future.
With Nancy Richter and the Black Wiper 7.
Now, here's your host, Conan O'Brien!
That's it!
Welcome to the program, everybody! We have a great show.
A few people tonight. We have a fine slice of television this evening. A thin slice, but a good slice.
And much great guests. Much comedy, right?
Absolutely.
Thank you. He meant that, too.
And also, I thought I'd start off tonight's show.
There's a lot to talk about, but I wanted to ask a computer, sort of talk about computer-related stuff to begin with.
Do we have computer users here? Are there people that actually... Okay.
Alright.
This is... I thought this was pretty fascinating, actually, that I heard this.
It's a recent statistic that was just released about computers, which kind of blew me away.
But according to a brand new report, there are at least 200,000 internet users who are addicted to cyber porn.
Did you know this?
Okay, yeah, well we got one here. Alright.
A guy's like, I am! Help me, Conan!
200,000 internet users are addicted to cyber porn.
Yeah, I actually didn't read the report. I just heard about it while I was in a lesbian chat room.
But, uh...
But I...
My name there is Fiona.
Look for me.
I'm a lot of fun.
Speaking of sex, this is kind of interesting.
A New York doctor claims that he has invented a cream that makes women's orgasms much more intense.
He's done that. Yeah.
Yeah, apparently the cream works best when applied by Brad Pitt.
That helps.
Just actually common.
Really weird celebrity story. According to a brand new book, just coming out now,
Michael Jackson once accused Prince of driving his chimpanzee Bubbles crazy by using ESP.
Yeah.
Yeah, and when reached for comment, Bubbles the chimp said, oh yeah, I'm the one who's crazy.
He's the only sarcastic chimp in captivity.
And then, uh...
That was for me.
And then last thing I'll mention, kind of a strange story, but true, officials at Beaver College said...
Hear me out here.
Officials at Beaver College said they're thinking about changing the school's name because they're sick of all the jokes people make.
That's right.
The only problem is they're changing the name to University of Bearded Clam.
Which, uh...
I thought...
Good night!
I was actually hoping to end there.
Go right into later, but we have more to do.
Let's talk about tonight's show.
A fine program from NYPD Blue.
Everyone loves that show.
And the new movie, Mission to Mars.
Very cool actresses here.
Kim Delaney on the show.
Kim Delaney's here.
We also have another beautiful actress on the show.
You know her from Melrose Place.
And now she's in the new TV movie, Another Woman's Husband, which can't be a good thing.
Lisa Renna on the program.
Very beautiful.
And then a very funny comedian on the program tonight.
Tom Agnew will make you laugh.
Where everyone gets their money back.
And over there, wearing Princess Colors, sort of a purple.
Ladies and gentlemen, Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7 Max.
There you go.
Max, guys, Andrew.
Hey.
How are you?
Very good. How are you?
I'm okay.
I've had a cold lately.
I know.
And now I'm at the stage where the whole cold is mostly gone and it's all in this sinus.
Right here.
And it's kind of painful.
It's all formed like a little knot.
And it's right there.
And I've noticed throughout the day that every now and then I go like that because it kind of hurts.
And people I'm talking to think that I hate what they're saying.
Right.
That's the effect it's had today.
People will be telling me like, you know, I got a corned beef sandwich and I go like that.
And they're like, or not.
I don't care.
But I don't know how to get rid of it really.
Water pick. Right up the nose.
Really?
Blast away at the blockage. That's all you can do.
Where does it go if you shoot the water right up the nose?
You don't want to know.
Yeah. I don't know.
Right.
Heaven?
Yeah.
It goes to phlegm heaven.
Yeah.
If you're good phlegm, you go to phlegm heaven.
I had a cold like that last year and one side of my head, I won't go into the details.
What's the real details?
No, one side of my head all blocked up and then it all kind of broke through at once and it was the best feeling I've ever had in my life.
Really?
Yeah.
It was like, you know.
Better than sex.
Four pounds of wet wool coming out of my head.
All at once.
Fantastic.
And also, I'm not putting you down or anything but...
Big head.
He's got a big noggin.
Got a big, big head.
You can't tell.
People, we actually use a video effect to make your head smaller.
That's right.
If you could see what we see here in real life.
That's right.
It's a huge melon.
And I can't do anything about it either.
The best plastic surgeons have broken wood planes on it.
So there's nothing to do.
It's just there.
You've wanted eight pounds removed from your head at a certain point.
It's like petrified wood.
Yeah.
I thought I had, because I have come from an Irish family and Irish people have, we just have big red heads.
You know what I mean?
Right.
And our heads get bloated as we get older, like bigger and bigger until you hit that Ted Kennedy stage.
Sure.
Where satellites are orbiting your head.
I thought I had a big one and then I met you.
That's right.
And we've actually had a contest where we dip our heads in plaster.
Okay, we did.
No, we didn't.
But your head is what?
It's much bigger than any head I've seen.
I don't, what can I say?
It's big.
We should charge admission.
I can give you a volume.
All right, we can have a contest where people...
If I could fill a beaker with mercury, I could displace it.
See how much I displace?
Or a tape measure.
Yeah.
You be the judge, which is the best use of our time.
I was going to mention something about politics.
Have you been following the primaries?
Yeah, yeah, somewhat.
Because it's been pretty interesting.
Bush did very well yesterday.
Well, Bill Bradley got trounced in the Washington primary yesterday.
He did very badly.
And some people are saying his campaign is on the ropes now.
They're saying that he's through and that he's just going to throw in the towel.
I haven't been thinking about this.
And I actually think Bill Bradley's heart has never really been in this campaign.
And I just think maybe he doesn't have the right temperament for this job.
Really?
Yeah.
I mean, take a look at this clip from a show I did with him a couple of years back.
That's where I got the sense.
See what you think.
Specifically, there are some people that say you should run for president.
Have you thought about that?
Pfft!
Music
Call it a journalistic hunch?
Yeah.
I don't know.
It just doesn't seem there for it.
He hit you like ten times during that interview.
Yeah.
It's hard to tell where, you know.
And I wept like a little girl.
All right.
Well, enough chat about politics and about the size of your head, which is big.
And other unimportant things, Andy.
I think it's time we do something more important now, old friend.
I think it's time that we look into the future.
The future, Conan?
That's right, friend with large cranium.
All the way to the year 2000.
Music
North Carolina will finally agree to remove the Confederate flag from its statehouse,
but will replace it with a flag that says, no fat chicks.
Laughter
Music
The lion will finally step down as king of the jungle,
but will retain his position as president of the Northern Ohio Ford Dealers Association.
Laughter
The popular combination of ham and cheese will break up when cheese finds out that ham's been banging lettuce.
Laughter
Crest toothpaste with natural whitening will be followed by crest with unnatural whitening,
which whitens teeth with the blood of young Mormons.
Laughter
Music
Actor Bill Pullman dies tragically.
Even more tragically, the authorities accidentally bury Bill Paxton.
Laughter
Music
Fidel Castro and Bill Clinton finally strike a deal on the Elion Gonzalez situation.
The boy is allowed to stay in the United States, but only if he's adopted by Cuba Gooding Jr.
Laughter
Music
Catherine Zeta Jones will give birth to a beautiful baby girl,
who will immediately become engaged to the 57-year-old obstetrician who delivered her.
Laughter
Playing the guitar will become Bill Undr-
Laughter
How's the future, Andy?
Laughter
Playing the guitar will become unbelievably easy,
not because babies will start being born with 20 fingers.
No, wait, that's exactly why.
Laughter
Music
Pashmina scarves will fall out of fashion when studies show that they are not made from the silky hair on the underside of Himalayan goats,
but the silky hair from the underside of Mike Ditka.
Laughter
Playing the guitar
In an effort to outdo her Grammy dress, Jennifer Lopez shows up at the Oscars wearing nothing but two aspirins and a slice of mango.
The outfit becomes even more revealing when that big black dude from the Green Mile shows up with a headache and a hankering for some tropical fruit.
Laughter
Music
Darva Conger will once again get married to Rick Rockwell.
Only this time on the Fox show, which one of you gold-digging idiot bimbos wants to marry an a-hole?
Laughter
Playing the guitar
Applause
Well, that's the future.
Laughter
Maybe this past will be easier in the future.
Let's take a break folks. Big show tonight. Stick around when we come back. Kim Delaney is going to be here.
Applause
Music
Music
Alright everybody, we're back.
My first guest this evening is an Emmy award winning actress who stars as Detective Diane Russell on the long running ABC show NYPD Blue.
Starting next Friday she can be seen in the movie Mission to Mars. Let's take a look.
In all our myths, in every human culture, Mars is always held a special attraction.
Laughter
What if that means something? The universe is not chaos, it's connection.
Life reaches out for life.
That's what we were born for, isn't it? To stand on a new world and look beyond it to the next one.
Applause
I disagree. Please welcome Kim Delaney.
Applause
Thank you for being here. Those are amazing pants. What are those made of?
I don't know. It's not any skin or anything like that. I think it's just the pretend skin.
It's pretend. It's faux skin. It's not real. It has a very cool effect. I'm going to get me a pair of those.
You're going to get some of these? They have all different colors.
They will do nothing for me. Well thanks for being here.
Absolutely. I love your show.
I understand that there's actually a talk show related question that I have for you.
Trust me, I'm going somewhere with this. I understand that Jay Leno, the guy who leads the show, Jay Leno apparently almost killed your fiance. Is this true?
They had a little dueling car thing. I don't know.
Dueling car thing. Describe this.
I think it was two guys that are in...one passed one and I don't know which one did it. I think Jay's car was in front of Alan's car and the exhaust was coming out.
So Alan tried to get around them because it was bugging him. So he went around them and then Jay thought Alan cut him off.
So then Jay went around Alan and it was like one of those...and then they got up to the light and they go...they knew each other.
This sounds like Road Warrior to me.
Something like that. I think it was two guys that were...
And what people don't understand is that Jay doesn't drive just a normal car.
Jay was one of those other cars that he has, one of those vintage cars that...
And when most people, when you say vintage car, people think, oh 1950s car. Jay Leno drives 1902 cars.
You know, they run on manure and they have a big horn that goes like, a-wooga, a-wooga.
And he's up there and you can see him in L.A. He's got goggles on and he's driving around and he's like...
It looks like he's on a horse the way you're doing it.
He's like 30 feet in the air and steam is shooting out the back and he's like, get out of my way. Come on, I'm coming through. Coming through. A-wooga, a-wooga.
Oh, it's so great.
I love Jay. It's not about that. It's those crazy cars.
He's got all the cars and the motorcycles and his whole deal, yeah.
And it's really something to be cut off by a guy and a Stanley steamer.
That's humiliating when you're like in a Porsche and a guy who's driving a steam powered car.
I think it was one of those...yeah, some of those mail egos, there's something like that.
But they made up. They're friends now.
They were fine. They were embarrassed when they looked at each other.
Now, what happens to you, let's say you get pulled over. You're actually on a very famous police show.
Do you ever try and use that if you get pulled over?
All the time. Absolutely. All the time.
It works most of the time. There's sometimes where a guy just goes, you know, one of the cops just says, no, sorry.
So I'm on my way to work, you know, NYPD where I work. Nope, doesn't matter.
So that's how you...
But other times they do.
So sometimes you actually say to them, hey, I'm on TV. Give me a break.
Oh, yeah. I'll say, you know, after I give them my license, I said, yeah, I'm on the job like you, but, you know, on TV, not in real life.
But you know the show and those guys let me go.
You're, of course, in the business. You meet celebrities all the time.
I understand you met Bruce Springsteen lately and that that was someone who like when you meet him...
That was pretty amazing.
When I met him for the first time, it's...
Max, you still get nervous when you meet Bruce, right?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You're like, it's Bruce.
The guy I've drummed for for 17 years.
I mean, I do meet a lot of people and it's always fascinating to meet everyone, but I've been a huge fan of Springsteen's for a long, long time.
And I was actually on my way home from working out looking like a slob in, you know, sweats in a ponytail and stopped for a cappuccino.
And I see this guy sitting at this little bar and where I was getting the cappuccino.
And I'm thinking it looks like Bruce, but you know, it kind of looks like everybody.
So you're not sure. He's like kind of the airy guy.
Then somebody comes over and asks for an autograph. So I go, OK, that is Bruce. Yeah, OK.
And then he gives me like one of those little guy nods, you know, how they kind of nod at you.
I wouldn't know my...
My guy nod is not working for me. My guy nod is like, huh?
I get nowhere with it. Very bad.
So you went over to him.
We were right there. He was like right where you were. And I was like here getting the cappuccino.
And he goes, you know, I love you. I used to watch you all the time on all my children.
I used to see you on the streets in New York. And I was like, really?
Well, God, I am a huge fan of yours. And then I just start, gosh, then we start.
We ended up talking for like 20, 30 minutes about...
You don't think of him watching soap operas. Not that anything's wrong with soap operas.
But you don't think of Bruce watching soap operas.
And he said he was like too shy to say anything when he saw me on the streets.
This was a while ago. I was on my way to do a movie in Canada.
And we start talking about the movie and he had just finished Tunnel of Love.
And I think his wife was pregnant again. They already had one kid.
We start talking about kids. We were talking about everything. It was amazing.
But that's just weird. Just that image of him in front of the TV watching a soap opera.
And like getting really hooked into it.
A lot of night time people watch soaps because they wake up and they throw the TV on.
And it's like, you know, a lot of musicians and performers.
I've noticed a lot of his recent songs have like soap opera themes.
They have the...
She doesn't love you. She wants your dance company. Watch out.
No. That's very... He gets good material that way.
It could be something. Yeah.
Well, NYPD Blue, of course, Tuesdays at 10 o'clock on ABC.
Yes.
And Evil Network. And Mission to Mars.
Are you supposed to mention that, are you?
What? No, you always mention the other networks. I want them to do well.
I don't care who does better.
Die, you think. Die!
And I'll get you too, CBS.
And Mission to Mars opens March 10th.
So Kim, thank you very much for being here.
Absolutely.
Yeah, good to have you. Kim Delaney, everybody.
Now folks, Lisa Renna is coming up in just a few minutes.
But first, tonight's show is brought to you by Heineken.
It's all about the beer. Heineken.
All right, everybody, we're back.
Doing the best that I can. All right, everybody.
Coming up tomorrow night, we've got some great people on the show.
You've got to check it out. From the new movie, The Next Best Thing, Rupert Everett's going to be here.
Yeah, it's a big thing right now.
From ABC News, George Stephanopoulos will be here.
And the host of the Ainsley Harriot Show, Ainsley Harriot, is going to be joining us.
And if you're going to get anyone from the Ainsley Harriot Show, get Ainsley Harriot.
It's Harriet Ainsley.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, my next guest tonight is someone who... excuse me?
Excuse me, sir?
Sir, where are you going?
Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I was really enjoying the show, but I'm a doctor.
I have to get to the hospital.
You can't leave during the show.
Well, like I said, it's urgent. I really have to go. I'm sorry.
Well, sir, you just don't understand. You can't leave this room. None of us can.
What are you talking about?
This is probably going to sound crazy, but while our show is going on, the outside world ceases to exist.
What?
Look, I don't understand it myself, but there's honestly, you know, there's honestly nothing out there right now. There's nothing.
That's insane.
What the hell is that?
Nothingness, sir. An endless, gaping void.
I can't believe this. I got a wife and children out there.
Oh, they'll be back, sir. When the show's over, the world will return as it was.
Until then, though, all you'll find out there is nothingness.
Nothingness and a clown.
Nothingness and a clown? What the hell's a clown doing out there?
I have no idea. Seems harmless, though.
There he is again!
Yeah, look, sir, please just go back to your seat until the show's over. All you'll find out there is that clown.
And a cowboy.
A cowboy?
Yeah, sorry, I forgot about the cowboy.
Yeah, forget about him.
Clown and a cowboy? This doesn't make any sense.
I agree with you.
My theory is the clown and the cowboy are too lovable and wholesome to disappear completely.
I think their innocence and goodness helps them survive.
Hitler?
Kind of blows my theory.
Yeah, wow. Never seen Hitler before. That's really weird.
I don't think this is ever going to make sense. Can I just go back and sit down?
Mr. O'Brien, I have the coffee you asked for.
What the hell is that?
Get back, you NBC page of unknown origin.
That's not a real void. It's just some camera trick.
Yeah, yeah, everything's normal back there. You just made all this stuff up so people wouldn't walk out on your crappy show.
Well, he's kind of got us on that one.
All right, we made it. We made it all up. We had to do something. People used to walk out all the time.
It was bad.
Yeah. Well, I'm walking out right now.
Wait, don't go. You'll be attacked by the panda bear from beyond.
Okay, whatever.
Ha, ha, ha.
Jeez, I can't.
Ah!
I like it really.
Well, anyway, I think that panda bear was wearing white athletic socks.
And if this... Yeah.
And he's trying to keep his head on.
And if this is being mauled, I'd like to be mauled.
Woo, you'll get it.
All right, we're going to take a little break, folks. And when we come back, Lisa Rinna is going to join us.
We got Tom Agnew.
All right, everybody, we're back.
You know, my next guest from the Fox television series Melrose Place, on Monday, you can see her in the new movie,
Another Woman's Husband on Lifetime.
It's on Lifetime. That's not the name.
Please welcome the lovely Lisa Rinna.
Hi, that's such a great band. Yeah. I was jamming back there. You were bopping around. Yeah. Oh, you guys are awesome.
So are you. Forced to pay attention to the band.
How are you? You look very nice tonight. Thank you.
Aren't you freezing? It's February and you got that... I am freezing, but, you know.
Thank you. You look very nice. I am. Thank you.
You know, you were on the show once before and so much has happened since your last appearance.
It has, hasn't it? Yeah. You got pregnant. Yes.
And you appeared on the cover of Playboy Magazine, Pregnant. Yes.
And I'm thinking, how does that happen? I know how you got pregnant, but how does...
Andy explained that part to me before the show. Oh, good. Thank you.
Diagram. Yeah. The cabbage man came. Yeah.
But how did you... I mean, how did you decide to do something like that?
Well, it's funny, Conan. I was at the newsstand and I saw a Playboy Magazine and I know it sounds silly,
but I had this revelation. It came through me and something said to me, I have to do Playboy Pregnant.
You know, when you hear a voice that just says, you've got to go do this and do it now.
No voice has ever said that to me. Well, that was it and so I did it.
So, now, how do you do... you just called up the magazine and said... how pregnant were you at the time?
I was six months pregnant. Okay.
So, basically, long story short, we inquire about it and Hef... Hugh Hefner. Hef. I can call him Hefner.
He makes me call him Mr. Hefner. Oh, does he? Yeah.
Okay. Well, he didn't know what I would look like pregnant. You know, you're pregnant, but what do you look like?
So, I was just in a really ballsy mood at this point in my life, I guess. So, I was doing...
Gutsy. Gutsy. Yeah. Gutsy. Yeah. Not really ballsy. Gutsy. That's what I...
Stop saying that. Okay.
So, I was on Melrose Place and I sort of told a white lie to my makeup artist and I said that I needed to take pictures for Harry
for Valentine's Day. I thought nude pregnant pictures. How beautiful that would be. Right.
So, she came in my trailer and stripped off all my clothes and we took Polaroids against the beautiful wood paneling, you know, in those trailers.
You've got that gorgeous wood paneling. That's a classy backdrop to have. I'll tell you. Yeah. That did it.
That's so funny. I'm just good that it wasn't a mistake. Like, you know, it was, you know, Valentine's Day card.
It's good she didn't come back and go, okay, we sent out your Christmas card, you know, all set. Oh, yeah.
We've sent thousands of them out. Yeah, yeah. So, Hef sees these and says, okay, we're ready to go. Yeah.
Very cool. They are beautiful, actually, the Polaroids. They're good.
That paneling has nice lighting possibilities behind you, you know. It looks good.
I really looked at the paneling, yeah. What about the baby? Is it a girl? Delilah Bell, yes. She's a girl.
Delilah Bell. How'd you get that name? Well, it's interesting. Delilah came from Harry just touching my stomach and going, Delilah.
And then Bell, why not? Right. Bell came from Harry's grandfather had a horse named Bell.
It's good it wasn't like one for the money, you know. One for the money, get in here. I can't get a date, Dad.
So, we named her Bell after that. He used to show horses. Right. These beautiful race horses.
Do you have horses? Do you guys have, do you and Harry have horses? No, we do not have horses, but what we do have is a dining room table that his grandfather built to show horses on.
Back up here. He showed horses on a dining room table? Yes, we have this massive dining room table. I mean, you can put like 18 leafs in it. Right.
So solid so that he could show his race horse. I guess when they were having dinner or cocktail parties, I'm not sure, they would come over and check out the race horse.
And they would bring the horse up onto a table. This table holds a horse. I mean, it is not like this. It is a big solid table.
Don't put down my talk show desk. I've had many an animal up here, okay. It holds a pony. So, so he would, so people would like inspect the horse, the horse would, the horse would give a table dance.
What's the horse doing? And now you eat off this table. That's the weird part. It is, it is, it is weird. Do you tell people that just about to, you know, dig into their goulash, you know.
Well, I do. Of course I do. Horses used to crap all over this. Dig in. How is Harry, your husband, Harry Hamlin?
Harry Hamlin is awesome. You know, he's doing a show. Yeah, he's doing it. Movie stars. Yes, yes. That will come on April 2nd. I might as well plug him on here. April 2nd.
Mm-hmm. On the WB. I got to say this one thing about Harry Hamlin is that, you know, a lot of times women will say to guys, they'll say like, isn't that guy good looking?
And guys are going, I don't know, don't ask me. I don't know. But Harry Hamlin is one of those guys who is just, back me up on this Andy.
That guy, when he came out here on the show, he's got a head like you've never seen before. He's just got the handsomest head.
And this is coming from a guy, and trust me, I'm a straight tutor. But this guy walks out and he's like, hello, I'm Harry Hamlin. How are you?
And you're like, his head's like glowing. It's amazing. I know. That guy would look handsome eating a sloppy Joe, you know.
This is an excellent sloppy Joe. I'm Harry Hamlin.
This is really, tell him that for me. That's a high compliment. Oh, God. Oh, sorry.
Another Woman's Husband premieres Monday night at 9 on Lifetime. And they're going to show that like 24 times, right? Yes, 24 times in the month or something like that.
When Lifetime gets something they like, it just goes round the clock. Are you going to watch it? Yes, I am.
Of course. You'll take a look. Sure I will. You came on my show. You were nice to me. I'll be nice to you.
But you have to stay up and watch every one of my shows for the next eight years. Of course I will.
Lisa Rinna, everybody. We'll take a break and we'll come back. Tom Maguire's going to join us.