Welcome back.
Neve Campbell is on her way out.
On her way out, so presidential candidate John McCain winging his way.
I understand he was shot down over Glendale.
This guy has the worst luck in those things.
Just one...no, no, no.
He'll be here soon. That'll be fun.
And stand-up comedian Judy Gold is here as well.
And he'll talk about tomorrow night, very funny man, a good buddy Gary Shandling will be here, supermodel Tyra Banks.
Ooh, Tyra Banks. Tyra Banks.
Like you have a shot. And the music...a filter.
Friday, Jamie Lee Curtis and the, uh, that wacky guy from the Ameritrade commercials.
I think it's that guy that puts his head in the copy machine.
Michael Morrone. Yeah, yeah.
See, you think you get famous, you put your head in the copy machine and you're going to be...
And Monday, don't tell McCain, George W. Bush will be here.
We're not here yet, so we're okay.
All right. My first guest currently stars in the Emmy-winning TV show Party of Five on Fox, also starring in Scream 3,
and a new film called Drowning Mona, which opens this Friday. Please welcome the lovely Nev Campbell.
Nice to see you again. Nice to see you too.
I was thinking about your show. Is this the last year? It is, yeah.
You know, I'm thinking it's been on three years. It's not, it's like...six. Six.
It's six. Wow. Yeah.
That's kind of sad. Are you sad?
I am a little. I mean, you know, it's kind of, I'm split.
I'm sad because I've spent so much time with these people and I love them, and it's been fantastic for my career,
but I'm excited to sort of move on to new things.
Well, you know, when you spend a lot of time with people, just odd things are going to happen.
Like, I know someone that works on your show, and I'm supposed to ask you about nose flicking or something.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
What is that?
Well, you know, we get really bored on set, so we flick each other's noses.
Now, what is this? This is not like taking somebody from your nose and flicking at someone. It's not that.
No, it's this game we play, and there are rules to it. Like, you have to, you can flick a person's nose, but they can't know it's coming.
Oh, you actually flick someone else's. You don't flick your, oh, I see.
What is it? What do you do?
You want me to do it to you?
Yeah, all right. What would I do?
You don't appreciate it, but, um, well, see, I'm breaking the rules right now.
By telling you.
I'm going to do it, but I'll do it to you anyway.
All right. Ow! Ow! That's annoying!
But it's really fun to do to people.
No, see, now, see, when I was a kid, that was ear flicking, and it made the transition.
To nose flicking.
No, in the winter when it was, like, freezing, waiting for the bus, and you need a pen or a metal object, and you do this until the ear actually cracks and breaks off.
Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Yeah.
Oh, wow. Well, that is an annoying game.
And also, I'm supposed to ask you about a nickname.
Uh-huh.
What was it?
Foghorn.
Oh, yeah, why do they call you Foghorn? Well, you don't seem like a foghorn.
No, I know. Actually, there was this one time when we were on set, and we were shooting a scene, and we were told to just improv at the end.
Right.
And so I decided what I wanted to say, and they said, action, we did the scene, and at the end of the scene, there, this lawyer sits down with us, and everyone says their lines, like, you know, Claudia said her line, but everyone stole my idea, so I had nothing to say, so I kind of just made this noise, like this really awkward noise.
And what was the noise?
Well, like a foghorn.
Can you make the noise?
Well, it's not exact if I do a few.
Why?
Because it just comes out. It just comes out sometimes, and I can't do it, so they named me that, but it's kind of like a, huh, kind of like that.
But you can't do it.
Yeah, yeah, which was great improv on my part.
But you're an actress. You're an actress.
I know, but it's a tough one. It's not exact. It's, like, not natural when I do that.
Well, we'll try again. Let me just.
Huh.
We could have done this a lot better than that.
Because you know guys at home are going, whoa, what did we miss? You know, that's what I like. Oh, that's, well, that was okay.
Actually, I would have come up with a better name than foghorn, but yeah, that's okay.
Really? Okay.
No, no, and I'm told you're very quirky.
Uh-huh.
You have some odd, something about your feet. What was that?
I have really ugly feet.
You don't have ugly feet.
No, I do. I do, and, you know, I've gotten to the place where I embrace the ugliness of my feet now.
Wait, what's the value of your feet? Are your feet a five?
No, but see, I was a classical ballet dancer, and so you can see, like, horrible blisters and stuff, and then I have big bunions, which is like, if this is the big toe, this big thing that sticks out, and then last year, I had a bunionectomy, where they cut, they cut my bone, they cut it off, and then they shortened my toe, they put a screw through it, so now, like, this big toe is much shorter than that big toe.
Any fantasy I had going over the, uh, the gum out.
Oh, and no, you're like a psycho. You have feet of gum.
No, really, and look, I have a scar there.
You don't have a scar?
Yes, I do. Look.
What guy is looking at your feet?
Look.
Guys don't even care about feet.
Well, no, I realize that now. I'm over it. I embrace it.
Do other women look at your feet and think, oh, that bitch.
What do you think?
No, I don't think anyone can beat my feet.
I mean, your feet don't even know what you're talking about.
Well, look, see, that thing, that huge lump there?
That's called a toe.
That's called a bunion. That's a bunion, and that side doesn't have it anymore because they cut it off.
Isn't that nice?
You know, you need some real problems.
And these are the kind of things that irritate you.
Well, yeah.
Do you have other things that irritate you? Do you have other quirks?
Well, I hate it when people take a fork and they scrape it across their teeth when they're eating.
Who does that?
Well, people who obviously don't go like that when they're eating.
Who goes like that when they're eating?
Well, I do.
Yeah, if you're doing a polyglot commercial, maybe you're sorry.
No, but you know what I'm talking about?
Like, certain people when they're eating, they scrape their teeth, kind of like that, but with metal, and it sucks.
Oh, and it sucks.
Well, yeah.
How about wooden spoons? Do you have the same thing about that?
Who chews on wooden spoons?
More people that chew on metal forks.
So wooden spoons don't bother you.
No, no, no, no problem with that.
See, this was a big thing when I was a kid. This sound.
What?
Because I always knew I was in trouble when my mom would sit down and I'd hear this.
You know, you're making coffee.
Yeah.
No, but it always means, so you go, Jamie, come in here, and it would be this.
Uh-oh.
And I knew like something important or bad was going to happen.
Right?
But it's not the same as yours.
I kind of like that sound.
Do you like that?
Yeah.
Well, not if something bad happened. Not if you got hit every time you heard it.
No, no, this is true. This is true. So this is true.
It'd be like Pablo's, I hear that now, and like Pablo's dog, you're going to get hit in the head.
So it's traumatic for you.
Now, tell us about the movie. Now, you play a quirky person in the movie, which is actually perfect casting here.
Yeah, I suppose. Thanks.
You're a quirky person.
She's like pure white trash, which was a lot of fun, but you know what the weird thing is? Everyone has been coming up to me.
Some people have seen the film, have been coming up to me and saying, you play white trash really well.
You do play white trash well. You do.
Because you know what the primary characteristic of white trash is?
And what?
Bad feet.
Oh, it is?
Bad feet, yeah.
No, no.
That's how I did it then.
Maybe you could do the Tonya Harding story.
No, come on.
Well, you can't get more white trash than that. Hello? Come on, what are you talking about?
No, but see, I like these.
I like little slice of life movies.
Yeah.
Just like a little town where the people, because I grew up in a little town.
There was always like the town crazy guy and then there's the odd, you know, the people just kind of live and let live.
Yeah, absolutely.
And Bette Midler, of course, you work with her.
Bette Midler.
She plays like the meanest person in town, right?
Yeah, well, it's called Drowning Mona and it's all about the fact that she dies right at the beginning and none of us care at all.
Because she's so horrible. She's a really cruel person.
And I got to work with her and it was really exciting.
Yeah.
I was very excited to work with her.
My last day of shooting was actually her first day and we only got to do a couple of scenes together.
And we had this one scene where we had to be fighting.
Right.
And then Casey and I jumped into our car and she was supposed to take this golf club and smash our front headlight.
Right, right.
But she got really into the scene.
Like she obviously gets really into her work and she decided to smash the entire front window and glass shattered all over us.
And then I realized maybe I wasn't so enthusiastic about working with her.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
No, but she's lovely.
No, she's very nice though.
Here we have a clip.
What scene is this?
This is the scene where...
This is the scene where I'm very obsessed about my wedding.
You're planning your wedding.
And Casey, Bobby has just found out that Mona is dead and he's come to tell me.
Let's take a look.
Alright.
Hey, where you been?
Oh, listen, you've got to talk to Mark.
We're going over the menu before and I mentioned the boneless breasted chicken and he's like boneless.
You never said you wanted boneless.
Can you believe that?
And I'm like, hello, you don't serve chicken bones at a wedding.
God forbid someone chokes to death.
The thing is it will cost an extra five bucks a plate and at 100 plates we're looking at half a grand, $500 just to get rid of the bones.
Like we got that kind of money.
Bobby, what's wrong?
Oh, Mona dearly is dead.
What?
You're kidding me.
No, yeah, I mean, no, no, she's dead.
What happened?
It was just a car accident on the road.
Well, we got to celebrate.
Alright, here we go.
The movie's amazing drowning moment and it comes out on the third.
On the third.
On Friday.
Have you met Senator McCain?
Are you going to vote for Senator McCain?
No.
No?
No.
No, why not?
I can't.
Why can't you?
Well, I'm Canadian.
Oh, you're Canadian.
Oh, sorry, you can't vote.
Alright, be right back with Senator John, give him hell, McCain, right after this.
Neb Campbell.
Alright, Manech Ghez, an Arizona senator and a war hero, also considered a maverick Republican,
who happens to be running for president.
He's really making this an interesting year.
Come on, Senator John, give him hell, McCain.
A partial ovation, that's pretty good.
Thank you, Jay.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, Neb.
It's wonderful to see you.
And I'm very concerned about those bunions.
You know, we're looking at a universal health care plan.
Really?
Uh-huh.
Perhaps bunion treatment should be one of those.
You think it should be optional or mandatory?
I think it should be mandatory.
Alright.
You know, I didn't think you were like Clinton at all, but now I see a little bit of it.
My wife is out there.
Now, we played you on with the Star Wars music.
You seem to have adopted that theme, the Luke star or the Luke Skywalker.
Luke Skywalker, getting out of the Death Star, they're shooting at us.
We took another hit.
Tuesday night, we fooled them in New Hampshire, got hit in South Carolina, came back in Michigan.
Now they're back at us.
You enjoy this stuff.
You look like you enjoy a good fight, don't you?
Is this fun?
We're taking on the Iron Triangle, big money, special interests, lobbyists, and they're taking me on.
Boy, we're having a great ride.
Now, the other day, your plane got stuck in the mud, both metaphorically and actually, I guess pretty much.
What a coincidence.
Now, you're a pilot.
Did you?
Well, I raced up there to the cockpit, but three of them tackled me.
Someone had told the pilot, said, I crashed four airplanes and they didn't want me to do another one.
Only four.
You know, if you get five, they call you a black ace.
I was hoping that maybe I could.
But that airplane we got, you know, it's a Russian airplane.
Was that right?
Yeah, it was a pretty cheap campaign.
Yeah, I was going to say.
It's a copy of a 727, but we think it's made in Moscow.
Well, that's interesting.
Yeah.
The All-American there with the communist plane.
There must be something on there.
I'm surprised they haven't jumped all over you for that one.
Well, it's a pretty cheap deletion, a dollar a month.
Oh, yeah, there you go.
In fact, they'd pay us.
Now, I'm going around the dial, C-span.
For half a second, it looked like you were doing an impression of me on some show.
What was that all about?
I have a little routine that a lot of the media that follow me around get a little bored with.
You know, there's communists and Trotskyites in the media, you know, they follow me around.
And I tell a story about the first time I was on the show, you know, hundreds of appearances.
And I said to Jay when he approached me in the dressing room, I said,
I'd like to thank you for having me on because I have a 15-year-old daughter, Megan,
and I really will have an opportunity to impress her.
And so he had his cell phone and he called up our home in Phoenix, Arizona.
And he said, here's my routine.
Hi, Megan. This is Jay Leno. How you doing?
And she said, oh, Dad, will you stop fooling around?
So to this day...
That's a very good impression, by the way.
Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm very glad to have you talk to me.
Thank you.
Well, you're not high enough. You've got to get a little higher.
A little higher? I'm getting higher.
Thank you, man.
Now, when you go on a campaign like this, because I know everybody goes on the road,
comedians, politicians, one and the same.
Are you superstitious? Do you have good luck charms?
I have all kinds. You see these classy looking shoes that I have?
Very... You know, that's really stylish, as you know.
Well, in New Hampshire, you have to wear these kind of shoes because there's snow and ice on the ground all the time.
So we won in New Hampshire. So now I sleep with them on.
Oh, really?
I haven't taken them off since the New Hampshire primaries.
Wow.
And I have all kinds of little lucky charms and things.
In fact, I've got one here that Navajo tribal leader gave me.
Now, what is that?
There's some sacred objects inside of it.
And maybe I didn't have it.
This isn't part of a bowl or something, is it? What is this exactly?
It's a Navajo, former Navajo tribal president gave it to me.
Okay, and you carry that.
Yeah. Guy came up to me at a rally and he gave me this little compass and he said,
oh, you always know which direction you're going. So I carry that with me in my pocket.
Now, you see, that can be frightening because people, the president is ready to meet with the head of Russia.
Wait a minute. I don't have my lucky shoes.
The president had to go back and get his lucky shoes. That could be frightening.
I have a feather that was given to me by the Hopi tribal chairman.
He said that's bound to win.
I have a very long relationship with Native Americans and a guy gave me a penny that had been run over.
He said that's so your campaign won't get run over.
So I've been keeping these. Unfortunately, he wasn't always right.
Yeah, yeah. So, okay, so we got those.
One out of four isn't bad.
And the shoes and the tie and all kinds of paraphernalia.
And what's wrong with it? Being superstitious?
No, nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. It's just a little frightening.
But you know.
You carry things like this?
Now, let me ask you about this.
No, I don't.
I see your critics a little hard.
Now, your critics will sometimes say you're very confrontational.
Yes.
With the other senators. Do you consider yourself a confrontational guy?
Not at all. Not at all.
Every year in the Senate, I win miscongeniality.
Really?
Yeah, it's usually a unanimous vote, especially when I attack their latest pork barrel project, you know, that they sneak in there.
Like one time we spent two million dollars to study the effect on the ozone layer of flatulence in cows.
I kid you not. I never saw the test procedures nor the results, but I've always been very interested in what that would be.
So, yes, I win miscongeniality every year.
And I even have a website where I put their pork barrel project with money in it across the screen.
Now, do you drive your – see, the one thing I get a kick out of you is that you do tend to say what you think.
And sometimes it's politically correct and maybe sometimes it isn't.
Sometimes.
Your staff kind of go, you can't say that. I mean, is that a problem? Do you have to watch?
My staff guy, when he first came to the campaign, he said he felt like the guy on his first day on the job with the Willendish, you know, watch it, Carl, watch it.
And after a while he just sits there reading a book and says, hurry up, we've got to get to Buffalo.
You know, they just know that we're a high wire act. But that's what makes it fun and exciting. It's very exciting. It really is.
In Sacramento the other day, a guy showed up with a sign, hippies from McCain. You know you're on the verge of victory and you have hippies from McCain?
Now you see, that's the kind of thing – doesn't that frighten the hell out of all the conservatives? Oh my God, hippies from McCain. Oh my God.
I mean, doesn't that frighten the – like the religious right?
Now they seem to be – there seems to be a real loggerhead there with you and Falwell and Robertson and Gary Bauer today came out and said, oh, you've got to apologize.
What happens there?
Well, I think that we ought to be the party of Ronald Reagan and not the party of Bob Jones. It's really about that simple.
Right, right.
I think they're taking us in the wrong direction. I think there's wonderful people that are Christian right, family value, wonderful people.
But they've got this guy, Falwell and Robertson. Look, this is a fight about the heart and soul of the party.
We're going to be inclusionary. We're going to reach out to everybody. We're going to realize the American dream, motivate these young people, be part of this great and noble experiment.
We can't have people like that. They practice the politics of division.
I want to practice the politics of addition.
So I would say that is not an apology.
Right, right. No apology.
Because you're doing very well with Democrats, which kind of makes me laugh because it seems to me that would – the Republicans seem annoyed that you're bringing Democrats into the party.
But it seems to me you can't win unless you bring people who don't think like you. No?
You're exactly right. We had the last president really govern with a large coalition was Ronald Reagan, and they had a group of people called Reagan Democrats.
I welcome Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Vegetarians. A lot of people have been showing up with signs, Vegetarians from the K-meet. I'm very honored by that.
But you're a big chicken barbecue guy. That could cause you problems.
We don't have to tell them everything.
No, no. I don't see you throwing tofu on that grill.
No, no. In fact, I'm a big chicken guy in ribs. I love to grill.
And we're going to take out that putting green that the president's put in, and we're going to have barbecue grills all around.
Really? All around the White House? Absolutely.
Maybe a car up on blocks with the tires off in the front yard.
Little Hogsbet.
Well, you are getting more like Clinton. Now let me ask you something here now.
Let me ask you one of – kind of a serious question.
Now, you have Bush here and he's got the delegates. Let's say it doesn't happen. Would you go to the Reform Party? Would you – if they drafted you, is that something you would consider?
Well, Jesse Ventura and I have a lot in common. We were both in the Navy. I was a high school – mediocre high school and college wrestler.
I was pinned in some of the nicest gymnasiums in the East. And I wear a feathered boa around the Senate a lot, just like he does.
So I think we have a lot in common there. And he's a straight talker. He's a straight talker. But now I think I'll stick with the Republican Party.
Stick with the Republicans. Well, good luck to you. I know you've got to run. Your schedule is as tight as it could possibly be. And thanks for taking time out to come visit.
Thank you. Thanks for having me.
Senator John McCain, we'll be right back with Judy Gold right after this.
All righty. My next guest, a very talented comedian. She'll be seen on HBO's new show at the Multiplex with Judy Gold. She'll be performing at the Improv and Harris in Las Vegas March 21st through the 26th. Please welcome Judy Gold.
Thank you so much. How are you? How are you guys doing? I am so excited to be here. Especially, you know, I'm a big fan of politics. I have to tell you that.
In fact, last year I performed at a Democratic fundraiser in Miami Beach. And I actually performed for President Clinton. And I did stand-up comedy for him as well. And it was such an amazing experience.
The country is – we're going nuts now. We got the election and of course the millionaire stuff. Which – do you guys watch it? Do you watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? I love this show. I love this. And you know why I love this show? It is not the suspense and anticipation.
The fact of the matter is no other show in the history of this country has made me feel smarter or more attractive. And that's why I love that show so much. Thank you.
I get such anxiety when I know the answer and they're like fumbling. I can't stand – I get anxiety all the time. I actually went to a psychiatrist and the guy told me that I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was shocked. I had to call him like nine times to make sure he was certain because there's no way that I have – one, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four. That was part of the joke.
But – no, greatest invention for someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder, caller ID. Do you have the caller ID? This has changed my life. Because if you hate someone, you never have to talk to that person on the phone again.
Anytime I see it's my mother's phone number, I pick up the phone and I go, help! Put the gun down! Leave me alone! And then I hang up and it's good for her heart condition and she gets on my nerves and she can be really annoying.
My mother just got an answering machine for her house, right? So I called it while she wasn't at home to see what the message was. First of all, it's like two hours long and it's like the first draft of her really boring autobiography.
You have reached 478-328. I live at 310 Gibson Boulevard. On Tuesdays from 8 to 1130, I go to Bingo at the synagogue to help out. The money is in the top drawer of my dresser in the bedroom. Ma, shut up! She is completely out of her mind.
I call her every day because I need material, but I called her up right after Frank Sinatra died. And I said, Mom, can you believe Frank Sinatra died? It's so sad. This is what she says to me.
Another one of my cohorts? Like, Mom, what are you talking about? Yeah, Frankie, Sammy, Dean, Ruth. That was a nice rat pack, wasn't it? She is out of her mind. I think about her often. I travel a lot.
You know, Jay was talking about how the comics, we go to a lot of places. I actually went to Amsterdam once. And this was an incredible experience because I went to the Anne Frank House.
And it's so emotional. Like, you walk in, the family lived in the smallest space for two and a half years. They couldn't make any noise all day for fear of being called by the Nazis.
Which would have been the demise of my entire family because there was no way my mother would have kept her mouth shut for the entire afternoon.
Judith, I asked you to wash that dish ten minutes ago! Ma, shut up! We're going to get caught. That's right, we're going to get caught. And we're all going to die because you couldn't wash a damn dish!
You're proud of yourself! Very angry. My mother gets very angry. And I think I know why. I think my mother needs a companion.
You know, she needs to meet someone. Not that I want to imagine my mother being intimate with someone. Can you imagine that? Could you try not to move a lot?
I have vertigo and I tend to get dizzy very easily.
Could we leave some water by the bed? My medication makes me dehydrated a little. Can my aide stay in the room in case I need to get up? No, I'm teasing.
But she can't meet anyone. You know, older people in this country have a really hard time meeting companions. I have a solution to the problem. Tell me what you think.
I think they should have a geriatric dating game on television. How great would that show be? Wouldn't that be a great show? I could be the host. My mother could be the first contestant. It would be brilliant.
Bachelor number one. I'm getting an MRI. They drill a hole into the apparatus so that you could whisper something to me.
In your sexiest voice, what do you say?
Bachelor number two. We're at a dinner dance at the temple. I fall and break a hip. Do you A. stay with me on the dance floor?
B. Run and get help. Or C. Leave me there to drop dead just like my kids would do. Thank you guys.
Thank you, Judy Gold. Thank you, Judy. Be right back right after this. Good job. Thank you.
Thank you, Judy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, sir. We got to go. Stay tuned for Conan. He's up next. Bye. See you tomorrow.