As the new host of Make Me Laugh, I run a tight chip.
So to fairly observe today's hottest comedians trying to make contestants laugh, I'm laying
down a few grounds.
I will not suck up to the audience for a laugh.
I will treat all contestants with equal respect.
And absolutely under no circumstances will I remove my pants.
It's Make Me Laugh with new host Mark Cohen every Monday through Thursday at 10.30 here
at Comedy Central.
Has anybody seen my dignity?
Are you tired of the game yet?
You know the one where you comb your hair a little this way, a little that way, hoping
no one will notice that you've lost some hair.
Instead of fussing with it, your hair could look like this.
So call 1-800-HAIR-CLUB-NOW and we'll send you our latest free brochure with before and
after photos of clients who've realized the benefits of our latest breakthrough, anonymous
hair technology.
We call it anonymous hair because you can't tell.
It's real hair added in with your own.
So whether you're swimming or if someone's just running their fingers through it, it's
just like your own hair.
Why spend up to 50 grand for transplants or buy minoxidil for the rest of your life to
get a little fuzz up there?
The cost?
It's free.
Just prepay for the one-year club plan and the hair is free.
So call 1-800-HAIR-CLUB for your free brochure, free hair.
And if you call now for a limited time, you'll also get a free round trip American Airlines
ticket good for travel in the lower 48 United States or Canada.
That's 1-800-HAIR-CLUB.
Are you single?
Yes, right now I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, indeed.
Are you single?
I am.
It's got to be out there.
You've got to play it again.
Dating in the city is kind of hard.
I think it's hard everywhere.
Very tough.
I'm pretty sick of the bar scene.
What if I told you that there is a phone service where you can listen to lots of descriptions
of different single men and choose who you want to speak to?
Wow.
Are you single?
And are you fed up with trying to figure out how to meet people?
Then it's time to check out Private Connections.
It's the meeting place of the 90s.
If you haven't tried it, go to the phone now.
It's so easy.
To do that, simply call the number on your screen and you'll be ready to get in on the
fun.
There are always tons of people on the line.
It really works for me.
You'll love it once you try it.
Go on, give it a try.
That's what I say.
Go on, give it a try.
You don't have to be lonely anymore.
Create your own fun and excitement.
Call the number on your screen and get your 15 minutes free right now.
There's an exciting person waiting to talk to you.
Call 1-800-774-5660.
Comedy Central presents South Park, a very special show about four lovable scamps.
On the next episode, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and the boys commit guile.
Visit South Park, Wednesday at 10.
If
love is your question, psychic talk has your answer.
women right now. Oh, man. You think that they won't know they're psychics. Carrying on these
two relationships, you are looking at fatherhood. Is someone pregnant now? There's no way you
could get that right in the money like that. About your husband, he's a very dominating
man isn't he? Yes. He likes to keep you subservient because he's afraid of losing you. Right.
I am very impressed to hear the ladies be right on target really amazes me. I just wanted
to see if he has been unfaithful to me. You already know, you've already had the evidence
there. Yes, he is. Wow, you guys are good. Is there a baby in his life? Because I just
pick up that he begged her to have this baby. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Everything that they're
saying to you right now is everything is true. Wow. This is incredible. I can't believe it.
Try it yourself. We're making our best effort to prove to you that our psychics are real.
Call now. Call 1-800-395-4099. Give your home the beauty of nature real wood from Woody's
Unfinished Furniture. Built to last generations, furniture is unique as you are for your bedroom,
dining room, kitchen and bath. Find that special rocker or bookcase. Let Woody show you how
to finish it yourself and save or let Woody finish it for you. There's no need to go to
expensive furniture galleries. Save money every day at Woody's Unfinished Furniture
in Santa Clarita in the Albertson Center on Sierra Highway and Via Princessa. Even though
Dodge Ram is the bright red gold standard of pickup trucks, we're always improving things.
We've made our available Magnum V8s even more powerful. We've improved the already world
class interior. In all, we've made 130 improvements to the Ram lineup since introduction, including
this one, our new flow through ventilation system. New Ram quad cab at California's truck
stop, the new Dodge.
Fitting in, shmitting in. What the? The new Ram 4. It's not for everyone. Only you. If
love is your question, psychic talk has your answer. Are you seeing two women right now?
Oh, man. You think that they won't know they're psychics? Carrying on these two relationships,
you are looking at fatherhood. Is someone pregnant now? There's no way you could get
that right on the money like that. About your husband, he's a very dominating man, isn't
he? Yes. He likes to keep you subservient because he's afraid of losing you. Right.
I am very impressed to hear the ladies be right on target really amazes me. I just want
to see if he has been unfaithful to me. You already know. You've already had the evidence
there. Yes, he is. Wow. He has a good... Is there a baby in his life? Because I just
picked up that he begged her to have this baby. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Huh. Everything
that they're saying to you right now is true? Everything is true. Wow. This is incredible.
I can't believe it. Try it yourself. We're making our best offer ever to prove to you
that our psychics are real. Call now. Call 1-800-426-8912.
For our new season, I've come up with some ideas that I think will really help the comedians
knock them dead. Number one, use live contestants instead of inflatable dummies. Number two,
stop taping the show in a burnier. And number three, allow the comics to use their own material
instead of transcripts from Nightline. It's Make Me Laugh every Monday through Thursday
at 1030. I'm thinking these incentives will make our new season that much better. Are
you single? Yes, right now I am. Yes, I am. Yes, indeed. Are you single? I am. It's got
to be out there. You got to play the game. Dating in the city is kind of hard. I think
it's hard everywhere. Very tough. Pretty sick of the bar scene. What if I told you that there
is a phone service where you can listen to lots of descriptions of different single men
and choose who you want to speak to. Wow. Are you single? And are you fed up with trying
to figure out how to meet people? Then it's time to check out Private Connections. It's
the meeting place of the 90s. If you haven't tried it, go to the phone now. It's so easy.
To do that, simply call the number on your screen and you'll be ready to get in on the
fun. There are always tons of people online. It really works for me. You'll love it once
you try it. Go on, give it a try. That's what I say. Go on, give it a try. You don't have
to be loamy anymore. Create your own fun and excitement. Call the number on your screen
and get your 15 minutes free right now. There's an exciting person waiting to talk to you.
Call 1-800-774-5660. Hi, Chuck. Here's lunch. Thanks. How's business? Not bad. Yours? It's
okay. Hey, what's that on your screen? Oh, that. QuickBooks accounting software from
the makers of Quicken. I called a toll-free number and got a free trial version. My system
works fine for me. That's what I thought. But if you have bills to pay or customers who
owe you money, you really ought to try this. Yeah, I really don't have time to learn new
software. Well, if you can write a check, you can use QuickBooks. Answer a few questions
and it tailors itself to your business. Now I create invoices like these. Yeah, but my
business is so different from yours. Ah, but that's what makes QuickBooks so great. It's
the number one software for any small business. It has accounts payable, accounts receivable,
even payroll and inventory, and you never have to enter information twice. There's over
60 customizable reports that put you in control. Know if you're making or losing money. Sounds
pretty good. I'm going to get that free trial version. Nothing to lose. Call 1-800-449-1400.
Hello, today's recipe is creating the perfect dining experience like Woody's Unfinished
Furniture. Whether your taste is down home country or you're born with real gourmet,
unfinished furniture in Santa Clarita, the Albertsons Shopping Center. So where are you
going to go this weekend? At Terry York Valencia Honda, there's a car with your name on it.
And it's going places. So where are you going to go this weekend? Terry York Valencia Honda,
where the ride begins. Terry York, a world of difference. Creekside Road, Valencia.