We're out!
Critics agree.
Steven Seagal is funnier by accident than most comedians are on purpose.
Did you really beat a suspect on contest for a dead cat?
No.
The cat wasn't dead.
Exit Wounds. Coming up next on TBS.
I need 480 tons of plaster.
I need 70 more rolls of paper.
All small businesses have one thing in common.
They need things.
We need to get six tickets for Tokyo.
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I need an ultrasound machine.
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I need to call Italy two or three times a day.
I need to ship 42 glass bowls.
You'll also get the service you deserve from OPEN, the small business team at American Express.
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A $75 savings.
I need a better way to buy what I need.
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Call 1-888-565-OPEN for yours.
I never thought it would be so much work!
Watch out! I think there's a pitfall up ahead!
Selling your home shouldn't be this hard.
At RE-MAX, you'll find an experienced agent to take on the job.
And make your life a whole lot simpler.
Paper cut.
Yeah.
Let's stick with RE-MAX.
Nobody's gonna be able to do it.
Nobody sells more real estate than RE-MAX.
When I was a baby, I had sensitive skin.
Still do. Even my scalp is sensitive.
But now I know how to take care of it.
New head and shoulders sensitive care.
Its formula with aloe moisturizes to gently soothe irritated, sensitive scalp.
Yet still leaves your hair 100% flake free.
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Pro football.
A game for the ear and the eye.
A three hour carpool of color, sound and action.
NFL Sunday ticket provides the most NFL games anywhere.
Up to 200 in total. And it's only available from DirecTV.
For the player, victory makes the game glorious.
For the fan, glory is the game.
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Call 1-800-DIRECT-TV.
Really? So, lunch?
A nice salad.
Oh, maybe some soup.
Okay, soup, salad, breadsticks.
It's lunch at Olive Garden featuring our homemade soups, our garden fresh salad and warm breadsticks.
All you want for just $5.95.
It takes an impressive display to turn the female's head.
Color will catch the eye of some while others are drawn to elaborate patterns.
For every variation, there is a female who will find it irresistible.
The best brands and styles. DSW.
Some things men don't want to talk about.
Like prostate problems. But I learned one in three men will have them.
So I switched to one a day men's.
A complete multivitamin plus lycopene, which Harvard studies suggest may help prostate health.
Some things are healthy to talk about.
One a day men's.
I had a toothache on my wedding day.
I needed immediate relief. That's why Oragel was the right choice for me.
Pain relief pills can take up to 30 minutes to work.
Oragel works in a flash.
Oragel takes the ache out of toothache immediately.
We feel different about what type of chocolate we like.
I go for the almonds. Little crunch every now and then.
I like the original chocolate.
Break it off. Put it in my mouth.
I got some chocolate.
I'm not going to knock you, but the Hershey's with the almonds, bro.
There are millions surfing the web with Net Zero for less than 10 bucks a month.
Are you one of them?
If not, then it's time to switch to the Internet service, the ranks higher than AOL and customer satisfaction.
Join the millions. Switch to Net Zero.
Go to NetZero.com.
Here's a job. It's in Arizona.
I don't want to move to...
You'll love Arizona. Nice dry heat.
Okay. Anything local?
Ooh, here we are.
Pictures of Arizona.
Looking for a local job?
OregonLive.com makes it easier with more local listings from more Oregon employers.
Look at all the cactus.
It's cacti.
Right.
The best local jobs on OregonLive.com.
Moving is hard.
Having your cable installed is easy.
Before you move, call Comcast and we'll get you connected to your new cable company.
Sign here.
Also sign here.
Sign here.
Initial there.
Sign here.
Initial there.
Sign here.
Moving is hard. Having your cable installed is easy.
Call Comcast and learn how to get a valuable offer from Lowe's just for movers.
Coming to TBS.
One in Rome.
Two as the Romans do.
So go ahead, throw your hands up in the air and wave them like you just don't care.
Kick it old school with Russell Crowe and Joaquin Phoenix.
Gladiator, Friday, September 30th at 8, 7 Central on TBS.
Introducing the new all-wheel drive Subaru B9 Tribeca.
The end of the SUV as we know it and the beginning of what an SUV should be.
Visit your local Subaru dealer for a special introductory lease offer on the all-new 2006 Subaru B9 Tribeca.
Finally on DVD.
Not now, honey. Mommy's threatening daddy.
It was a season of dangerous betrayals.
I am pregnant and it's all your fault.
Steamy secrets.
I'm pregnant and it might be yours.
And shocking discoveries.
Bring home all 23 sinfully seductive episodes on a six disc set.
Come on, let's go shoot something.
Let's go!
Jasper at Housewives, the complete first season.
Own it this Tuesday on DVD.
What kind of street do you live on?
You've waited, you've dreamed and now it's finally back.
Endless Shrimp at Red Lobster.
The only time of year to enjoy all the shrimp you can eat.
Don't miss Endless Shrimp right now.
Only at Red Lobster.
We feel different about what type of chocolate we like.
I go for the almonds.
Little crunch every now and then it's fine.
I like the original chocolate.
Break it off, put it in my mouth.
I got some chocolate.
I got some.
I'm not gonna knock you, but the Hershey's with the almonds, bro.
Alright, alright.
No pad is drier than always, Maxi.
So you don't have to run for cover.
Have a happy period.
Always.
The artist, Mrs. Laura Bender.
The art, homemade chicken noodle soup made with Swanson broth instead of water.
Swanson starts with real chicken stock perfectly blended with vegetables and seasoning.
Swanson broth, replace water with flavor.
Get ready, the syrup's come.
Get ready.
Never met someone who makes me feel the way that you do.
Yeah, alright.
Whatever I mess up makes my dreams real, I tell it you do.
Yeah, alright.
Sweetly deep, sweetly dull.
Look out, baby, cause here I come.
I'm bringing you a lobster soup.
Get ready.
Blue skies, yellow lemons.
One perfectly refreshing day.
Minute Maid Lemonade.
Made with real lemons.
For people who know lemonade, it's Minute Maid.
It's no contest.
For faster pain relief, Advil Liquid Gels are faster and stronger on tough pain than Tylenol Rapid Release Gels.
And Advil Liquid Gels are the only leading brand with real liquid inside.
Advil Liquid Gels.
Liquid fast, Advil fast.
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You'll find that many of the designer suits that we sell for $200 are made with the same quality and care as those that others sell for twice as much.
Which probably explains why we can sell so many of them.
Which in turn explains why we can sell them for $200.
100% wool, $200. Men's warehouse.
You're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.
To contact the store nearest you, call 1-800-776-SUIT.
Portland's top talent takes center stage on Dick's McKenzie Ford, Gimme the Mic.
Presented by Comcast.
One singing superstar will drive off in a 2005 Ford Escape from Dick's McKenzie Ford.
This week, Jenna, Sharon, Jodie and Brandy compete in the semifinals along with Ross, Travis, Chris and Tar Sheen.
Saturday night at 10 on News Channel 8.
Or watch it on your schedule with Comcast On Demand.
Tonight, I could do that with a blinking eye.
Well, why don't you show us?
Exit 1. Followed by Shaft.
Starting tonight at 8 on CBS.