Our news is next. Good morning, I'm Edie Donahue. The tax man gets a facelift and that's good news for you. Hi, I'm Steve Doocy. Love is keeping us together, baby. The captain and toenail. Oh, I mean, Tenille are in the house. And I'm the sports guy Brian Kilmeade. That's as close as Steve Doocy will ever get to singing on this show. The washing machine is just ready for la... it's not just for laundry anymore. No matter how you read it, you know what I mean. You'd be surprised at what's going down in the wash. Those stories and more coming up your way now in Stop. Stop, stop, because I really love you. Stop, stop, I'm breaking up you. Look in my heart and let love keep us together. Looks like muskrat love. Okay, they're singing about muskrat love. Oh, we couldn't find one. Shh, shh, shh. We've got an update. It is illegal to show a muskrat on television. Something like that. You cannot use... these are from... I don't know. They've been going at it for two weeks trying to find muskrat. Look at that. This is why I don't want to wear a hat. This is why I don't want to wear a hat. Because I shouldn't be wearing it. Brian, you could be a cop pit with that hat on. I feel ridiculous. We look like the leftovers from the Village People audition. I'm not a hat guy. We've got Captain and Toneel on our program. I know the theme. A little later on. I'd just rather not wear the hat. So we've got hats and the boss, Dennis, said, go get me a muskrat. A muskrat. And you're so afraid of Dennis that you have to wear the hat. I am afraid. So we looked and we looked. We couldn't find a muskrat. They think we look good. But we found a rat and we found some musk. See they wear... Musk rat. Very good. Uh huh. That was supposed to be the muskrat sound. Are we making that thing? Is that that noise? It's moving its mouth. Okay, so anyway, Captain and Toneel are here. That's why we've got the funny hats. I love the Captain and Toneel. They're sensational. I've never heard the Captain speak. I love those really corny songs. I thought they were great. He's like, the Captain is like that guy with Penn and Teller. I don't know which one it is, but the one who doesn't talk. Right, but I can definitely tell the difference between the Captain and Toneel, where Penn and Teller, I'm confused. Hey, we should point out this lovely flower arrangement down here. This comes to us from Tony Randall. Tony Randall was supposed to... Where's the card? Tony Randall was supposed... Oh, be careful, you're going to knock it over. Tony Randall was supposed to be on our show yesterday, but... What'd they say? One thing or another happened and they just couldn't show. My apologies regarding Tony... It's not from Tony. It's from Ted Karras Edelman. His PR guy. Oh, oh, oh. So anyway... He probably didn't even know he was supposed to be on. Well, we told Tony that he had to bring in baby pictures, so I think he's still getting a couple developed. He wanted to have fresh ones. But he will be on when? The 20th? The 20th. Coming up. Hey, listen, in this year program today, you know, the brand new People magazine, we've got it, and we were looking through the pictures of Barbara and James Brolin. They got married. I think these guys out here, the construction workers, are looking longingly at you in that captain's hat. Really? They're thinking you look really hot. Who, me? You think I... Oh, yeah. They're on their way to the site and they're going, man, if I had a hat like that, what kind of whistles would I get? Brian Wilson is with us, ladies and gentlemen. Baa Baa Brand. I like his T-shirt. Alrighty. Anyway, coming back to Barbara Streisand and James Brolin, they got married. The question is, what is he going to call her mom? And that brings up the whole question, what do you call your in-laws? Do you call them mom and dad? Do you call them... You know, at my house, I call them... Because Bill's getting married tomorrow. That's true. Lovely. Bill over on Channel 4. Oh, he's going to get hit by a camera. On camera 4. He's not on Channel 4 anymore. He's getting hit. Yeah, not anymore. And he's so excited. Especially now that he knows going bald is sexy. Oh, Edie, how could you say that? He said it before. Oh, he now? Yeah, he's feeling very stutley about it. So anyway, what do you call your in-laws? Call us up also today. Long distance. I'm not, yeah. I'm not making this up. I'm a little froggy. I was over at Edie's house last night for that kegger. Yeah. Trying to take the gin out of your hand and you go crazy. Who took those flamingos out of the front yard? I don't know. No. She has got the most beautiful double white I've ever seen. Thank you. That looks like permanent skirting around it. It is. It's permanent movement and siding. Very nice. Well, the tires are flat. It might as well be permanent. Today is... Inflate them on purpose. And we have inflated other things. But today is intern appreciation day. A lot of people don't have interns if you're not working in government. So anyway, do you have somebody else that you would like to say thank you to, somebody who helps you through the day? And finally, it is free phones and Photo Friday. Call us up. There is some mental patient outside doing some kind of nutty dance out there. It's free phones and Photo Friday. Call us up with anything that is on your mind. We are, of course, going to send you a free picture of us. And maybe something really good. Maybe. Maybe one of these captain and toenail hats. Anyway, dial us up. Your phone calls in about 10 minutes. Right after Edie updates us on the entire world. I'm telling you. And a big world it is. It starts in Los Angeles, though. O.J. Simpson might be appealing the $33 million civil judgment against him. The Los Angeles Daily Journal reports Simpson's lawyers are asking that the wrongful death judgment for the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman be reversed. Christopher So is the inquiring mind who helped police catch Ennis Cosby's killer. And now he's gotten his national inquirer rewards. $100,000. So what will he do with all that dough? I'm going to donate a portion of the money to the Ennis William Cosby Foundation to help special children. So some of the portion of the money is going to go there. The rest of the money, I guess I'll figure something out. Yeah. So the cops, he told the cops that he heard Mikhail Markosev confess and then led them to the murder weapon. You might call it an unlucky twist of fate for actor Phil Hartman and his wife. They both might be alive today if a drug rehab center in Malibu, California had had an extra bed. It was the same one that helped Robert Downey Jr. Hartman's wife Brynn was unable to book herself into the rehab center just days before she killed her husband and herself. Are we through with the murder stories now? Yes. Because Brian and I have been sitting here patiently. Is that his downer? Yeah, we've been crying. OK. How about drugs? Is drugs OK? It's a little better. OK. With the media as the stage, the curtain has gone up on the biggest anti-drug campaign ever. We're anti-drugs. This is heroin. This is what happens to your brain after snorting heroin. Ooh, that's good. This is what your body goes through. It's not over yet. This is what your family goes through. Whoa. I think we should go back to murders. OK. That kind of looked like Edie last night after we left the house. $2 billion blitz. Half the money is coming from the government, half from business. Hopefully it will help because drugs are a horrible thing. Brace yourself for a new and improved IRS. Shock. The Senate has overwhelmingly approved the IRS reform bill by a vote of 96 to 2. Well, you know, they sent their interns in to vote for it. Not in the picture. It shifts the burden of proof in court cases from the taxpayer to the IRS. Whoo, that's about time. OK, opinion. It also sets up an outside board to oversee the agency. The president says he'll sign it into the law. Also, they've changed the name officially. They are now known as simply the tax guy. Wow, much better. There was a survey in New England, you know, on people's laundry habits, and we thought it was news. The part we think is particularly interesting is the unusual things people say they use washing machines for. For example, putting colicky babies on top to rock them to sleep. We've done that. We've done that. Some use their Maytag to wash cucumbers and spinach. By the way, keep the baby on the top of the washer. There's that big spinning hole. Don't put them in there. That's bad. Exactly. Wash a cucumber? Now, I've heard of bathtub gin, but some people make washing machine gin. Yeah. And finally, some folks lean on the machine during the spin cycle to get a massage. Is that what we're calling it now? Don't you just know some couples admit doing a little more than that. Tomorrow, toaster ovens and funny things we'll be doing. It's the weekend. We'll be doing them with the toaster ovens. That's the story I screwed up in the open. Yeah, and you did a great job, though. But see, people, it's now nine minutes after the hour. People were tube-side to figure out what the heck he was talking about. Yeah. They know, and they're watching Katie and Matt now. Hey, it's time for you to... Yeah, that's sad. Yeah, that's sad. I miss, by the way, in a rerun. Don't watch him. Give us a call, 888-TELL-FOX. What do you call your in-laws? It's Intern and Helper Appreciation Day. It's Free Phones and Photo Friday. And I'm wearing a chapeau that don't fit. Captain and Tadeo, too. We'll be right back with your phone call. Philips introduces the CD recorder, the revolutionary way to make a CD as unique as you are. You already know how important calcium is for your bones, but did you know that 85% of women still don't get enough? So start your day with Total. It's the only leading cereal that's an excellent source of calcium, even before adding milk. In fact, Total has more calcium than the milk itself. No other leading cereal comes close. Simple, low-fat, delicious. So good you can feel it in your bones. Total, Total Raisin Bran, Total Corn Flakes. One bowl, one great source of calcium. Surprise! Ooh, ooh, ooh, I feel my temperature rising Higher, higher Just mix Velveeta and chili together. It's delicious. It's self-delicous. It's self-delicous. I'm just a hunk of hunk of milk and love. Just a hunk of hunk of milk and love. Yeah, yeah, hunk of hunk of. With little helpers, you've got big messes. Try Bounty Rinse and Reuse with sponge-like durability. Ordinary paper towels tear. Sponges can spread germs from previous uses, but Rinse and Reuse can handle the toughest jobs. One sheet is durable enough to rinse, wring, and reopen. It works till the job's done. Then throw the mess away. The Quilted Quinger Maker Upper. Bounty Rinse and Reuse. Over 35 and expecting? Find out how to make yours a safe and healthy pregnancy. Then, male menopause. It's a widely used term, but what exactly is it? And baby talk. It sure isn't what it used to be. Join us Saturday and Sunday for FOX on Health Weekend. Is he staying or going? A live interview with Jordan's superagent David Falk. Then the heavyweights, the real deals, looking for the right deal. And Mike Tyson ropes to get back in the ring. And he's a 49er goldmine, a talk with Jerry Ross. Join us Sunday for FOX on Sports. Welcome back. We are all nursing headaches because we were over at Edie's house last night. I don't have a headache, and I know that you had a designated driver. Yes, I did, my wife drove. So did you. Yes. The makeup girl. We're not going to talk about it, though. It sounds worse than it could possibly be. Well, you know, somehow his wife couldn't make it at the last minute. She never was able to make it. It's a two-hour drive. Whatever, whatever. It's a Thursday night. I wouldn't say Brian was impressed with your double wide, but you know what I found? What? In his bag when he was sneaking out. You took his silverware. You didn't. Brian. Brian was stealing your silverware. What are you talking about? I took that out of your bag. It's good stuff, too. I did not. I didn't even use silverware. Listen to that humminah, humminah, humminah. Yes, you did. Man, desperate times. Time for your phone calls. Let's go out to... Any more props in your bag of tricks, pal? Oh, yeah. Hey, we've already done the rat, the hat, the washing machine. And the cat with the fork. Let's go out to Mary in Pennsylvania right now. Good morning, Mary. Good morning. How are you? Pretty good. Hey, Mary, come on, some excitement. It's Friday. I'm nervous. I've never been on this before. Oh, really? Mary, you want to talk about what you call your in-laws. Well, I usually call them just by their first name, Joe and Shirley. Or else we call them... My daughter couldn't say grandma, so she calls her Gampy. Yeah. So it's Gampy and Pop-Pop. Do you want to call them Mom and Dad? Um... Do you wish you were that close? Well, we are, but... But they never told you to call them? I lost my mom when I was young, and I never felt real comfortable calling her mom. But did you ask them what should I call you, like when you got married? No, no, I just called them Cheryl and Joe. See, women don't have a problem with it. Guys have the bigger problem. I do. I have no idea. Well, my in-laws don't talk to me, but if they did, if they did someday... They're stealing silverware, too. Yeah. No, they don't come visit. They can't steal a thing. Wow. But if I did talk to them at some point, I really would... I wouldn't know what to call them. Really? Yeah. I would call mine Big Daddy and Diamond Lil. And Diamond Lil? Yeah, nicknames. I don't know. I hope she's not watching. Hey, Mary, thank you very much. Have you told one true... That's true. That's what I really call my in-laws. Big Daddy and Diamond Lil. Mary, we're going to send you something nice in the mail, okay? Okay. Now let's go to Boston. We take that as an affirmative. You'll accept it. Thank you. Paul is with us now. Good morning, Paul. Good morning, Steve. How are you? Is Steve? Yes. Good morning, Paul. How are you? Fine. How are you doing, Edie? Good. How are you doing? Not too bad. I love the program, by the way. Excellent. Thank you very much. What did you want to talk about? Well, I was going to talk about my mother-in-law. What did he call you? Her name is Corrine. Okay? Right. And we have been married for about 10 years. You and your mother-in-law? No, not the mother. That's my wife. Oh, okay. Hold on. Yvonne. No, not the mother. That's my wife. Oh, okay. Hold on. Yvonne. Yvonne, who is my wife, who is my mother-in-law. Okay. Okay. We're engaged to get married. Now, does this feel like an episode of Jerry Springer or what? Wait, wait, wait. Okay. You were married for a while. 10 years. To Yvonne. To Yvonne. Okay. And now you're marrying Yvonne's mother-in-law? Yes. Yes. Nice. I'll tell you what, Steve. Tell me those aren't going to be screwed up family reunions. I'll tell you what. Okay. I have spent more time with my mother-in-law than I have with my own wife. Well, there you go. Well, she's about to be your wife. Huh? About to be my wife, exactly. And, you know, it's such a coincidence that we happen to be talking about mother-in-laws today. And, you know, my mother-in-law happens to be the best woman in the whole world. Hey, now, Paul is your soon-to-be ex. She is your ex-wife. Yes. Is she cool with you marrying her mom? Well, I'll tell you what, Steve. Me and the mother-in-law have always gotten along better than I did with my own wife. Oh, obviously. That's why you're marrying her. That's why you're marrying her, exactly. I think David Asman wants to book you on his show. This is too good. You know what, Paul, we're going to... And you know what, Steve? What's that, Steve? I forget, you know, this would be the best way for my wife to find out. Let's hold this guy over. All right. Hey, Paul, thank you very much. Stay tuned. We've got a commercial, and we're going to talk to you about a movie of the week during it. You know, nothing enriches your life like the world's most beautiful music. Now, Time Life Music brings you a magnificent new collection, 100 masterpieces of classical music for just $29.99. Imagine owning the 100 best-loved melodies of all time. 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Take the phone just in case. Thank you. And no contract, no credit check, and no deposit. Got car trouble? My car is broken down. Can you come and help? Help is just a call away. So forget those outrageous phone bills. With Prepaid Cellular Phone cards, buying airtime is easy. Order from home and the phone arrives at your door ready to use. Get the Phillips ISIS Prepaid Cellular Phone. A $199 value. Now just three easy payments of $33. And there's no contract, no credit check, no deposit, and no monthly bills. So pick up the phone, America. It's for you. Now, for only three payments of $33, your guaranteed cellular service regardless of your credit history. Call 1-800-453-3406. Pick up the phone, America. It's for you. Hold on to your seats. Mel Gibson and Danny Lover are at it again in yet another lethal weapon. What is this? 19. Four. And they're not golfing. Fox Entertainment reporter Bill McCuddy joins us with what's hot at the box office this weekend. Is it a hole in one? Well, actually, Steve, Edie, Brian, and everyone else out there in television land, it is not a bad motion picture. Yes, they've trotted back the boys, and some fours, Batman, can kind of suck. But this one is actually pretty good. There's also a couple of other new motion pictures. There's a cute little girl named Madeline and some very small soldiers. Take a look. Gentlemen, start your sequel engines. Riggs and Murtaugh are back in lethal weapon form. Mel Gibson is still nuts, and Danny Glover is still too old for the job. But wait, we'll throw in Renee Russo having a baby. And how about Joe Pesci and Chris Rock to back up and offer comic relief? I never lost my mother's phone. It took you two hours to make a damn long distance call. Chinese crime lord Jet Li is doing some kung fu fighting, but the real special effects is the chemistry between Gibson and Glover. It's kind of like this symbiotic relationship. They both, in some ways, want a little bit of each other in a way. With a lot of these pairings, you see them, you watch them, and the ones that work kind of do their thing and venture into the other's territory a little bit. The ones that don't work is when they're both trying to do the same damn thing. Next, what would happen if the contents of your local Toys R Us suddenly attacked? Something like small soldiers. Just don't call them dolls. A doll? Whoa, hey, I play an action figure. Big difference. Taylor Maid for Marketing Tie-Ins. Look for Major Chip and his buddies at A Burger King near you as well. Finally, hold on to your hats. It's the big screen version of the children's classic Madeline. Frances McDormand is the school marm who tries to keep the girls in line. This is little Hattie Jones' first screen role, so what was it like to act with Oscar winner McDormand? I was a bit nervous in the beginning, but once I got used to acting with her, I was alright because you get used to it. She's adorable. The big news is Madeline is really a good movie to take the kids to. Lethal Weapon 4, probably not the best choice there, and Small Soldiers has the dubious distinction of being Phil Hartman's last big on-screen performance. That's your choice this weekend of the movies. Small Soldiers is, yes. Even though it seems like the toys are bad toys? Yeah, well they learn the consequences of violence in Barbie's Malibu House, so that's the important lesson. Look out, Ken's got an axe! Thank you. Hey, you know what, speaking of amazing things, Bill. Whoops, not my turn. Still your turn. Wow, that is a bad look she's giving you. Yeah, no kidding. Does this happen on a real show? Does Dana ever steal the show from you? Oh no. Bloody Coup is a better term. Do you mind? No, go ahead. The camera was aiming at me. I thought it was a Garth Brooks thing. Edie, maybe you want to use Steve's transition, because the transition work you just had the wrong story. Hey, go steal some more silverware and tableware. I'm holding onto this fork with you on the set. You've got to stop. Don't fork him. We've got more People Magazine pictures from Barbara Streisand's wedding to James Brolin. Nice kiss after the ceremony. They got married two years to the day after their first date. She's holding that really steady. She looks really pretty. She's in white, that's brave. That's the bridal party. Middle next to Barbara is James' daughter Molly. On the far right is his granddaughter Eden. They look pretty. Look at John Travolta. Tom Hanks and John Travolta. Tom's doing the limbo and John is doing his Saturday Night Fever thing. He can use hair and makeup. He's a little sweaty. They said actually Travolta was crying through the whole ceremony. That's what he said. What a wuss. Why? Some kind of a Scientology ritual. So tell us about Garth Brooks. I'm just dying to hear what you have to say. Completely spontaneous here. It's amazing what fans will do to get tickets for a Garth Brooks concert. Just about anything. Take a look at this. These two girls are rolling around in cow manure. Another woman sat in a bucket of worms. One lady shaved her head. But the grand prize went to this kid. He actually ate an entire raw fish. What do they win? Well he gets to go backstage and meet Garth Brooks in person. The question is will Garth want to meet this guy? Only if he brushes. No, no, no. We can't show that again. That's too disgusting. Cut. Turn it off. Turn it off. It's sushi. No. Oh man. That does not happen again on 825. Wait a minute. You're telling me the woman who shaved her head came in second? Yeah. Gross. They're rolling around in the cow manure. We apologize for that. Anybody just taking a Pop-Tart out of the doaster right now. And Pops, that fish looks a little small. They should have threw it back. It probably was undersized. Bon Appetit. What are you, a weekend game warden? I'm just noticing stuff. You're going to write that radio station up on a citation? You realize that means he ate the organs. Yes, I do realize that. I think we were witnessing that. That was totally disgusting and I don't want to see it again. You don't? No, I do not. Roll it. Thank you. I don't want to see it again. No, no, no. Turns out we have mostly fish highlights in the sports. You know, seeing him eating that fish was almost as scary as seeing Edie's daughter, Lauren, trying to pick up my son, Peter. That was, you're not kidding. She was grabbing. She wanted to play house with him and when he said no, she pulled his pants down. Oh my. Totally true. But he had no money. And then she threw a dead frog on you. Yeah, she did. Charming. But she's real sweet and all the Deucey kids are invited back. Yeah, they're great. Well, they're the well-behaved ones. All they've got to do is they just have to figure a way to swim across Edie's moat. Okay, it's time for the tabloid game. Just in advance of the weather and joining us from the great state of Pennsylvania, we have Jerry on the line. Good morning, Jerry. It's Friday. Good morning. What a great show you guys have. Thank you very much, Jerry. You like the fish guts? Pardon? Did you like the fish guts? Oh, I love it. Oh, Jerry, what are you having for breakfast? Oh, I just have a regular breakfast and cereal and blueberries. Some of that very popular Captain Carp. That breakfast is going to taste a lot better when you drink it with coffee out of your Fox coffee mug. That's right. Oh, boy. We'll send that to you along with our photo. Okay, Jerry, here's the tabloid question out of the National Enquirer. Why is Joan Lunden marrying a summer camp owner? Is it A, she's in love, B, she's pregnant, or C, because she can't have Spencer Christian? C. What? C. B? C. No. C. She can't have Spencer Christian. No, she can't, but she's not pregnant either. She's in love, she says. Oh, what a good reason. I know. Who is she marrying? I don't know. Some summer camp owner. Charlie Gibson. No, no, no. Mel Gibson. Hey, Jerry, we're going to send you a mug and we're going to send you a picture. And if Brian steals any more flatware from Edie's home, we'll send you a lovely set. Send me Edie? Send you Edie? Hey, Jerry, this is not one of those dial-in tie-bride things. Oh, that's too bad. The people on TV have to stay on TV. All right. They're Filipino brides. Thanks for the offer. Whatever. Hey, Jerry, it looks like you're going to have a pretty nice day. Temperature is right now in the 70s, nice and clear. It's going to be a little hot out there in Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, we're going to have a little rain through the midsection down along the Gulf Coast and portions of Florida. A little rain in the northeast, nothing much to report, however. Take a look at today's highs, 103 later in Dallas. Meanwhile, 60s and 70s along the coast at the airports in those big towns out there. Denver today, 85, 84, Mary Richards Place and in New York City, 93. In Atlanta, where they're turning on the heat. And the traffic in the nation? And the traffic? Around the nation? It is continuing. All right, that's your update. Back over to you, Edith. Ann? Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, good move. You know, everything was just going straight up until you called me that. I'll put on your hat and pipe it in. I'm not telling you the rest of my name, by the way. Baseball. Brian? Okay, as soon as you find the camera, you can get the toss. Baseball meets the new boss, same as the old boss. No, Steve, I'm not wearing the hat. Come on, come on. It's much funnier. Yeah, I'm looking for funny. There's people who just want hardcore sports. Cue the music, Billy. Brewer's owner, Bud Selig, was elected as the sports first permanent commissioner since 1992. He's been interim leader since then. There isn't much, really, I can tell you that you haven't heard from me over the years. Forget it, let's show highlights then. Cubs and Brewers, top two. Wow, this is slower than I originally thought it would be. 4-3, two outs. Bud Selig now charging twice as much for his autograph. Sammy Sosa, home run number 34. Deucey's like, oh, look at McGuire, look at McGuire. What about Sosa? Look at that guy at the exit. Mr. Big Tough Guy, 12-9. The Brewers end up winning though. Seattle and the Angels, Ken Griffey, Jr., the home run Derby King. He's walking. Home run number 36. Just one behind Mark McGuire. 8-6, the Mariners win. And you'll have to just imagine what the rest of the sports would have been like. Back to the big desk. Steve got four maps in, I get two scores. Fascinating, I'm sure. But we got all the movies. 29 minutes after the hour. Next stop, everybody wearing those stupid hats. And what did I tell you? Comedian Ray Allen joins us for some interesting talk around the water cooler. Also, fire in the sky. We'll show you more on this emergency landing. Please return your tray tables. And you know what? Just because we know you're enjoying the show so much. Write us. And if you're not, email us, call us. Lengthen the sports if you want to write that. Express at FoxNews.com. Do we need sports? I don't think so. No. Today's weather is brought to you by Subaru, the beauty of all-wheel drive. Seems I'm late for our little rec... Short cut. It's got full-time all-wheel drive, just like my other Outback. So I can take it almost anywhere, like my other Outback. In fact, there's only one difference, really. Matilda. It's got this stylish rear end to go with her. Nice truck. The all-new Outback Sport Utility Sedan from Subaru. Wonder how it works? Always Ultra has an ultra-absorbent lock-away core that turns liquid into gel and helps lock it inside. Always Ultra. Less pad, lots of protection. What's the best way to deal with obstacles? Eliminate them. That's why Dell deals direct with every customer. So nothing comes between you and exactly what you want. Dell computers with Intel Pentium II processors. Got an appetite for success? Be direct, Dell. For the Democrats to take control of the House, they need to pick up just 11 seats in November. With scandals brewing in Washington, can they do it? The head of the DNC, Roy Romer, joins me tonight on The Crier Report. I'm Bill McCuddy. And I'm Dana Kennedy. From the steamy scenes of guiding light to the teenage troubles on Dawson's Creek, it's actor John Wesley Shipp. Plus, I'll get up close and personal behind the velvet rope with singer-songwriter Janet Jackson today at 4. He's hungry. He is hungry. He's excited. We have Captain and Tenille on our program in about an hour. We couldn't get a musk rat, but we've got a rat and some musk. And you know, we have to keep the rat now. We own the rat. Really? That rat is not coming home with me. I think technically, a news corporation, the parent company of Fox, would own. So there's a rat in the Fox house. Want me to give it to the NFL guys? Huh? Want me to give it to the NFL guys? What are you talking about? Oh, I don't know. You know what? That rat could drive around in that bus with John Madd. There you go. I knew that. He's afraid of airplanes and rats. And we've got the musk rat here because we've got Captain and Tenille. I mentioned that. And the hat. That's right. Oh, yeah. I was beginning to like it a lot. There she thought she was still at Legs Diamond from last night. Also, we've got these beautiful flowers. I'm just kidding. You gave that job up when you got this one. Right. Beautiful flowers from Tony Randall. He was supposed to be with us yesterday, but he couldn't make it. But he's going to be with us in a week or so. And we're real lucky because a great new rising star. Ten to one odds, by the way, that we spring up the roses. He doesn't know what we're talking about. Sure. Absolutely not. Comedian Ray Ellen is going to be by in just a second. In fact, he's already here at the big plastic picnic table. He's going to talk about the days. Pretend like he's not here until a couple of seconds from now. News stories. Don't even look towards him. I don't see anybody. In the meantime, let's wake up and smell the roses with E.D. Okay. And now they're going to switch the camera, and now she's on TV. This is professional. Fire in the sky over San Juan, Puerto Rico yesterday. Take a look at this. An American Airlines flight to Miami had an engine catch fire 20 minutes after takeoff, 251 people on board. It turned back. They landed safely. I'm flying there day after tomorrow. And let's face it, you got that free trip. I know. We have to stop there. A domestic flare-up in Tampa, Florida ends with a husband shooting his wife with a flare gun. The flare bounced off her shoulder, burned the house down. What's so funny about that? You know, you're getting married tomorrow. Just think about this. What is so funny about that? Even though it did in the house, the wife walked away with nothing more than a burn. The husband is charged with attempted murder and arson. They were young and in love, and now they are going to prison. Amy Grossberger turns 20 today, got two and a half years in prison for killing her newborn baby in 1996 in Delaware. The ex-boyfriend, Brian Peterson, got two years. They were also fined $5,000 each to pay court costs, but they may just spend about 16, 18 months in jail because of previous time served. Could be Monica Lewinsky's chance to turn the tables on Linda Tripp. Sources say Lewinsky may now tell all to a Maryland grand jury that's looking into whether Tripp illegally taped their phone conversations. She may also be a witness if Tripp goes on trial. That'll teach her. That's unlikely. Hard to make those charges stick in Maryland. An upstate New Yorker admitted stealing his neighbor's credit card. What? Nothing. I was throwing away some paper. It looked like I was... Looks like you were doing something else. I'll tell you what, this rat makes more noise than Steve Doozy preparing for his weathercast. You hear how loud this is? No. Really? It's not a rat. It's a must-rat. Brian Doolittle, he must be speaking to you. Very successful movie. Okay. Let me just give you this real quick, because this is interesting. A New Yorker stole his neighbor's credit card for $130 worth of Viagra. Then he went down and used the credit card at a strip club and charged it to his neighbor. He's just showing off. Very interesting. Right now, it's water cooler time. You didn't take anything else from my house, did you? No, I didn't. But I'm telling you, this rat is loud. But go ahead. Here's Ray. It's a must-rat. I know. I got it. I know. And Captain O'Neil are coming. Joining us this morning, a very funny guy. You've seen him on Prime Time Live on Prime TV, comedian and actor Ray Ellen. Hey, everybody. How are you? Good. Nice to have you here. Nice to be here. What were you doing? I'm sitting in Pretty Boy's seat, aren't I? Where is Pretty Boy today? Vacation. He is down in Florida. Louis is gone? He's off being pretty somewhere. This is Pretty Boy's seat. Over there is Sock Boy. Do you know the whole sock thing? Ray's been watching. He's studying. You're like a dude with leg warmers on. I'm wearing the white. You have to wear socks next to their skin? I don't get it. It's Pretty Boy, Sock Boy. I gave up the whole jean look months ago. This is Hot Girl over here. You could be Smart Girl, but Hot Girl sounds better. Smart women are a dime a dozen. Juicy-ducy. Thanks for noticing. Juicy Steve-ducy. It sounds good. Juicy-ducy. It does. Speaking of Viagra, this really has changed people's lives, hasn't it? Yes, it has. That guy is unbelievable. Stealing the credit card? It's the same guy who was leaning up against the washing machines. I'm pretty sure that was him. $130 worth of Viagra. Correct me on this, Brian. I think I have it right. $130, that's about 13 times. It's $10 a pill. Pills. That's how much I pay. 13 times he mailed his neighbor's wife with his neighbor's credit card. I can't correct you. You're right on the money. I think he over-extended his credit by as far as his pants. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I think he over-extended his credit by as far as his pants. Speaking of over-extended pants, let's talk about our nation's capital. Yes. Clint is back. He's back in town. He's back from his Asian booty tour. He was discussing trade over there. Is that what he was doing? That was the cover story. That was the cover story. His version of trade. You need some fine American women over here. I will trade you one of our American beauties for five of your delicious Asian treats. I will give you Linda Tripp. That is a fair trade in weight. That is. One Linda Tripp against five of your ripe, precious little Asian joys. I like that. She came with all that electronic recording equipment. That's a good deal. Batteries included. We are going to talk with Ray in just a moment about the big story from yesterday. Tawny Peaks, a stoner and exotic dancer. He's a great dancer. He's a great dancer. Tawny Peaks, a stoner and exotic dancer who pummeled a man with her you know what. Good friend of the president. Plus your phone call is coming up in just a minute and some weather and very short sports. We'll be right back. By the way, Ray he's going to be at the Comic Strip Club New York City Saturday July 18th, 1030 for tickets. Dial up that number. Do they do rat dances there too? Rat dances? That's extra. We'll be right back. See smile, there's a Crest Kid. Inside this precious package is the photo and personal history of an actual living, breathing wonderful child. A child like Alvie who urgently needs your love. Hello, I'm Walter Coppich for Children International. 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But this precious package is free with no obligation so call now for the photo and case history of one little child that needs you. Call 1-800-345-9900. That's 1-800-345-9900. She has entertained us for years. Now Academy Award winning actress Olympia Dukakis has a heart to heart with Judith. Plus, downtown Julie Brown reveals how it feels to be a Playboy Bunny. How long have you got? Saturday on This Evening with Judith Regan. Factor this, there are real investigations going on into X-File type of stuff. We'll talk to a man who does the investigating. And Susan McDougall, is she a martyr or a con woman? On the next O'Reilly Factor. Okay. Welcome back. It's per near 19 minutes. 18 minutes before the hour. If you got somewhere to go you got 18 minutes if you need to be there at the top of the hour. Very good point. Really related to the masses. Comedian Ray Ellen is with us once again. Ray makes his home in Boston but he travels throughout the country. I live in New York actually. Grew up in Boston. I have really screwed up the whole family tree there. There it goes. It's all across that. You know we were talking before we went to the break about the president and those allegations. Well he doesn't, you know it doesn't bother me that he screws around. Between him and his wife it's okay. What upsets me is his taste in women. He just doesn't care. Kennedy had taste. Marilyn Monroe, his wife was gorgeous. This guy Clint, he's like cruising Jersey Taco Bells. He doesn't care. I'll have a chicken burrito and give me that chick with the big hair. I like that. Let's head to the border. Speaking of taste in women our camera guy, Bill is getting married tomorrow. Hey Bill, alright. You're a fool. What are you thinking? He's really thrilled. You know what? And what's really going to thrill him is his fiance is on the phone right now. Allison are you there? Hey Allison, congratulations. You know Brian mentioned a moment ago that Bill's losing his hair. Brian mentioned, Edie mentioned. I mentioned how sexy your husband-to-be is, that's all I said. Allison, how long have you been going out with this guy for? Eight years. And he finally, who had to propose? He proposed. He did? Yes he did. Very romantic way. He took us back to our first date and proposed right by the water. It was very beautiful. Bill, do you remember where your first date was? We're going to have to get the inside information on that after time out. Also, Ray with the weather. I knew this would happen. There's only one package left. An innocent housewife trapped, she tried to keep the Pillsbury toaster strudel with cream cheese and strawberry a secret. The warm flaky crust, the real cream cheese, the do-it-yourself icing. I should have just given them Pop-Tarts. She underestimated the power of cream cheese. Get your own! They're in your grocer's freezer! Don't miss our great new flavors. There's something for everyone. Chocolate milk? 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Dr. Kugel's Talk Medicine Book and the Talk Medicine Personal Medical Diary come with an unconditional 30-day money-back guarantee and are not available in stores. Operators are standing by for your order. Call 1-888-TALK-MED. The condensed book is also available on CD or cassette. Start to take control of your health care now. Call 1-888-TALK-MED. Welcome back. I'm Bill McCuddy and here's a look at this morning's Talks Real. Actors Uma Thurman and husband actor Ethan Hawke are now proud parents. New York Post says daughter Maya Ray Thurman Hawke, after Ray was born Wednesday in New York. He'll have the counter-reaction at the moment. It could be the best joint production from the movie star duo since Gattaca. Let's hope it's better than that. Maya weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces. 7-11. Hey, Janet Jackson says success. Janet Jackson says success hasn't stopped her from getting depressed. She says life's pretty lonely at the top, but she's getting over it. Janet says her new album, The Velvet Rope, has the song I Get Lonely and that really helped her face depression head on. By the way, she joins us today in Fox on Entertainment. She says she's feeling much better and Janet kicked off her new concert tour last night in Washington. She's gonna be here? Yeah. Wow. Have you met her before? Well, I met her the other day when I recorded the interview. That's fine. You've got Tito and he's given us a meatloaf recipe later. They're all as nasty as they want to be. It was a battle of the Titans and movie director Francis Ford Coppola came out on top. Yep. The director of Godfather Apocalypse now won $60 million in punitive damages against Warner Brothers. That's on top of $20 million in compensatory damages he won last week. All of this because Warner Brothers tried to prevent Coppola from creating a live-action movie of Pinocchio. That's right. He got paid not to make the movie. And as we told you earlier this week, the producers are... I want to get it on that. Yeah, that's a good deal. It's like farmers who get paid not to grow corn. I should get paid not to do the sports. You should. You do every... We were all running to that punch line, weren't we, Ray? Let's leave it to the professionals. He joins us in a moment. Earlier this week, we said the producers of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof wanted Madonna to star as Maggie the Cat. She thought it was Cat in the Hat on a Hot Tin Roof. No, anyway, Madonna has just scratched that. Sorry, she's passed on the part. And that is a look at the Celebrity Fox Reel for today. Back to you guys. You can't do that. We can't do that. That's why you have a pro in here in front. That's right. Speaking of pros doing their parts, you're not going to do the weather? No, Ray's going to be doing some forecasting kind of in a moment. But first, we still have Bill's fiancé. Not your fiancé because your little woman's at home. But Bill, over there on camera four, is getting married tomorrow. And his lovely intended Allison is on the line with us right now. Allison, you were talking about how we proposed. Oh, okay. He took us back to the first place where we dated. And we were walking around. I really didn't want to go. I had too much to do, too many things that I had to do for school because I'm a teacher. Bill's loving this. I know. He loves this story. Oh, you're a teacher? I am. I am a music teacher. We've all had that fantasy. Yeah, his favorite song is Hot for Teacher. So he took me back there. And he got down on his knee. And before I knew it, he was proposing. And then I cried for a half hour and said yes. Oh. Hey, Bill, can we see just a little recreation? Do you mind? Yeah, show us how you did it. Like an America's Most Wanted thing, how you went down on the one knee? No, don't do that to him. Come on. He's got to So, Allison, what's Bill going to call your folks? I got an idea. Oh, I have no idea. I don't know if you need to know about it. Hey, Bill! Is he down? No. Alright, never mind. Later in the next hour, the Captain and Tenille reenact Allison and Bill. Be here. That was a quarter, too. Hey, Allison, good luck tomorrow. Thank you very much. Have a wonderful day. We're pulling for you. You can blow her a kiss. It's okay. Bye. See you next. Bye-bye. She'll have words with you later. This was your bachelor party, basically. That's not sad. Alright. If I were the rat, I'd be scared. Okay, it's time for the birthday game. I don't know what that means. Joining us from Oklahoma, Terry is with us. Good morning, Terry. Good morning. How are you? Fine. Good, good, good. Are you good at celebrities? Sure. Okay, let's try you out on Christie Brinkley's father, David Brinkley, former newscaster. They're celebrating his special birthday, the Archer Daniels Midland Company, sitting in a huge soybean cake. He's not Christie's daddy. Okay, fine. There you go, correcting us. Billy Joel's former father-in-law. No, he's not. How old is Dave? I would say 78. You were exactly right, Terry. Very good. That's fantastic. Alright, let's try. Who's that? Who's that Christie later in life? I called because I have something to say to you. Okay. I love the show. I love all of you. I quote you daily to my friends and relatives. Okay. But you've got to stop calling the hats, hats. They are cats. I looked it up. Oh, you did? Even these Captain and Tenille things, they are also cats. Why? Not cats. What's the definition? If they have a single brim. Oh, you're right. I know I am. If they're brimless or they only have a front visor, they're cats. Or if they're worn to a mark of occupation or rank, they are cats. Wow. How do you define helmet? What do you do for a living? Mrs. Stetson. No, but I'm smart. Yes, I would say so. We have the smartest viewers of any show. Much smarter than the entertainment show. Ouch. No kidding. Terry, our caps are off to you. And we're going to send you one. I'm so glad. Okay. We're sending you a cap. A cap. That's right. They are not hats. White or blue? We will never make that mistake again. I'm white. We'll send you the white one. Okay. Okay, next up, you're still playing the birthday game, Miss Smartypants. Up next, Folk Singer. Put your thinking cap on. That's right. Arlo Guthrie. Folk Singer. That's right. Was he not from Oklahoma also? I believe he was. I believe so. I'm going to say 52. You are really close. He's 51. She is smart. She is? I am. Oh, look. He's wearing a hat. Yes, he is. Okay. He's wearing a hat. And finally, a man who never wore a hat was Barney Miller, but Ron Glass, who was on his program, and as a fine assistant. What was he? Was he on Slippery and Son? He was on Barney Miller. He was in the Odd Couple remake, too. Yeah, he well toured with it. How old do you think Ron Glass is today? 54. Really close. Just one off. 53. Well, she can hardly do much better than that. You just can't. Hey, Terry. Very confident. Yes, indeed. Thank you very much for joining us and bringing up the grade point level here in our program. Yay. You're welcome. Thank you. Our cap's off to you. Certainly. And now, Ray Allen is going to make his world weathercasting debut. Now, roll the tapes. It's the first time he's ever done it, so if you're in doubt, just remember the big numbers and the green stuff. That's accurate. As for what Ray does in front of it, well, we'll just have to see. Ray, over to you. Hey, thanks, Steve. This is very exciting to be in front of a big, big map. A big map. This could be the, I think it's the President's scoreboard. The President nailed 76 women over in Los Angeles area. You can see a lot of activity in the Northeast over here. Oh, wow. A big dose of Southern hospitality down there in Dallas, given the President is exactly what he needed. Wow, this is wild. So basically, if you want to know what the weather is, just look at near where you live and just figure it out. Dad, you're up there. In space? In space. My father's on Jupiter. And, by the way, these hats are very cool. Terry from Oklahoma, you're going to be very pleased when you get one of these. She wants a white one. She wants a white one? Oh. There you go. There you go, Terry. We have another map. Hey, Ray Allen, thank you very much for joining us today. Once again, tonight you're going to be at? Comic strip in Manhattan. And then tomorrow as well? Yeah, comic strip in Manhattan. Just the weather the whole time? I'm just going to do weather. No jokes, just weather. The kids love the weather. And wear hats. That's all we do at the comic strip. Very nice. Thank you. Thanks for having me, everybody. Okay. Great. Ray Allen, the comedy styling. So, from smart viewers to You can give it to Steve, Ray. to sports. Yes. Ray, concerned about the hat distribution. What do we say? I'm watching them all walk out. Don King, how does this guy do it? He needs a hat. How in the world does he get off? I don't know. Excuse me? Here are the headlines. Every single case against him. How does he do it? He's off. He's off again. Boxing promoter Don King, as Edie alluded to beautifully, not guilty of fraud for the second time in the same case. Prosecutors say they won't try to convict him again. This was the greatest jury that I, listen, I have so many, but this was one of the magnificent jury. They were very, very aware, a droid. And that's the nicest thing you can say about a jury. They're a droid. And when you have so many juries to choose from, it's always a great, great thing. If you guys want to speak up, I'll quiet down. So what happens with Mike Tyson? Yesterday was the first day he could call into the Nevada Athletic Commission for reinstatement. Let's take a look. He never called. And that's what's going on with Mike Tyson. Elsewhere, baseball returned to work after the All-Star break, and the time off did the players some good, because they played some quality baseball. And let's see it there. There you see a great play by Billy the Marlin into the stands. He was immediately traded for two little leaguers by the Marlins. Bit of a shock, because it was a nice catch, but there's always a downside. Later on, the Atlanta Braves would pace, yes, the Florida Marlins. No one goes. They traded everyone away. Jim Leela's alone in the dugout. Did they trade the fans? I think so. And by the way, Seattle beat the Mariners. Seattle beat the Mariners. I gotta watch this. Here's Phil Nevin. He gets thrown out for throwing his bat. Watch how many items he throws off. That's two. He threw off a glove and a hat. Later on, he'll throw off his shirt. Four items tossed, including the Battle Bee. Five items tossed. He leaves with just a t-shirt on, and he kicks out some equipment. So if you are angry, it's always good to entertain the manager. If season's not going well, don't be afraid to strip. I think that's what we all do. Back to the big desk. Oh, thanks very much. We've got a great show coming up in the next hour. Captain and Tenille, more strange stuff. Of course, we've got a Musk and Rat. And Musk and Rat. Just for them. Plus, a whole lot more of your phone calls as well. Stay with us. You're watching Fox News Channel, your channel of news and Musk and Rats. Hey, the itch is gone! When you listen to music, what do you hear? Not much if you're listening on a radio. Ordinary music. You're listening on a radio. Ordinary radios shrink the sound. You lose the emotion. All the magic is gone. Now enter the world of the Bose Wave Radio. And hear music the way it was meant to be heard. The Wave Radio gives you bold, full-textured stereo sound, like you've never heard from a radio. Ever. One click on the remote, and you fill any room with the pure, sweet sound of your favorite music. But you haven't really heard the Wave Radio until you hear it in your own home. So call for a no-risk 30-day trial. Satisfaction guaranteed by Bose. 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