The turn after these messages.
The average cost of this luxury car is $37,000.
The average cost of the American home is $134,000.
Yet the cost to examine this magazine is nothing.
Call now and we'll send you Money Magazine to examine risk-free.
If you like it, do nothing and we'll continue your subscription
with articles on ways to live better, invest better, save better.
Call 1-800-950-2600.
If you find money is not for you, then just write cancel on the bill and send it back.
The issue is yours to keep free.
Otherwise, we'll continue your subscription with 11 more issues for a total of 12,
payable in four installments of just $799 each.
And while your taxes average $4,800, these financial guides cost you nothing.
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And while the average phone bill is over $45, this phone call will cost you nothing.
Money's Risk-Free Offer.
1-800-950-2600.
Trying to tighten that tummy struggling with ordinary sit-ups?
Now, work smarter with the Abdominizer, the intelligent alternative to sit-ups.
Look, the Abdominizer targets the proper abdominal muscles,
so each and every sit-up is made more effective, safer too.
You can have a tone in your tummy in weeks.
Best of all, it's so simple.
The unique rocker mechanism lets you rock. Rock. Rock your way to a firmer stomach.
Look, ordinary sit-ups can torture your tailbone. It's not worth the pain.
I designed the Abdominizer to produce an automatic pelvic tilt,
which better isolates the abdominal muscles and makes exercise safer for your lower back.
The curl works upper abdominals. Raise your knees and tighten lower abdominals too.
The Abdominizer, just $19.95. The intelligent alternative to sit-ups.
Get smart. Call toll-free now.
To order your Abdominizer, call 1-800-848-9000.
Use your credit card to avoid COD charges or send check or money order for a $19.95
plus $3 shipping and handling to Abdominizer.
Department 4200 Canton, Ohio. That's 1-800-848-9000.
Okay, here comes your night to remember!
USA is throwing a New Year's Eve party.
We've got something you'll all want to see.
New Year's Eve is a marathon porkies party.
I sat through every disgusting frame of this bill.
Twice.
Ham it up with Porkies! Porkies 2 the next day and Porkies Revenge.
A USA special presentation tomorrow starting at 8, 7 Central.
We now return to Porkies Revenge.
Porkies Revenge will return after this.
One more night left, two years, one more night left.
Do that to me one more time.
Hi, if you like soft rock music like we do, you'll love Sessions' new album called Secret Love.
It has 48 soft rock classics by the original artist.
Just listen.
So I'm saving all my love for you.
Baby, come to me.
If ever you're in my arms again.
Love will lift us up where we belong.
I'm never gonna let you go.
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever.
These songs really bring out the animal in some people.
You also get great hits by Billy Ocean, James Taylor, The Commodores and the Moody Blues.
Nights in white satin.
I've been waiting for a girl like you.
She's the love we have.
Sessions sent you other...
Secret Love can only be ordered through this special TV offer.
Remember, you get 48 original hits on four stereo records.
For only $19.95.
We're united and it feels so good.
All I need.
I'm all out of love.
I'm so lost without you.
When I need you.
That's four records or three cassette tapes for only $19.95.
Three compact discs only $29.95.
Credit card and COD customers call toll-free 1-800-USA-1000.
Or save COD fees by sending $19.95 for four records or three cassette tapes or $29.95 for three compact discs.
Plus $3 shipping and handling to Secret Love P.O. Box 4200 Omaha, Nebraska.
Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to tell how old most Oriental women are?
Our secret is called pearl cream and it's made from real pearls.
Pearl cream actually made my skin glow like a pearl.
I can hardly see my wrinkles anymore.
Genuine precious pearls are pulverized into a lustrous powder.
Special Oriental ingredients are then added to make this incredible skin treatment.
I've only been using pearl cream for a few weeks and my grandchildren think I've had a facelift.
A 30-day supply of Oriental pearl cream is only $19.95.
Try it for 10 days. If you don't look and feel years younger, if your friends don't actually accuse you of having had a facelift, simply return the unused portion for a full refund.
Call 1-800-453-9000 or send $19.95 plus $3 shipping to Pearl Cream Box 1313 Burbank, California.
Or call 1-800-453-9000. That's 1-800-453-9000.
We now return to Porky's Revenge.
The USA special presentation of Porky's Revenge will return after these messages.
Our dentist gave us the word about healthier teeth and gums.
Baking soda. So we tried new Arm and Hammer dental care, the baking soda toothpaste with fluoride.
A recent survey shows two out of three dentists and hygienists recommend baking soda for healthier teeth and gums.
Mmm, dental care leaves my mouth feeling fresh and clean.
Tastes minty.
Try new Arm and Hammer dental care, the baking soda toothpaste, or concentrated powder, for healthier teeth and gums.
Greetings, TV viewers, VCR owners, Couch Potatoes.
Would you rather rent Short Circuit 2, starring me, America's most electric leading man, with comedy,
Percy and Tom, action,
and sci-fi out-of-space adventure,
to the moon, Alice,
or this generic video cassette featuring test patterns and snow?
Bad human.
Most humans prefer Short Circuit 2, now on videocassette. Got that, bozo?
Capture the spirit of 88 people style in People's Year in Double Issue, featuring this year's 25 most intriguing people,
paparazzi shots that catch the stars off guard, and much, much more in this extra big double issue of people. That's what we're all about.
Christina, be a pal, loan me $100 the next week. Okay, make it 50 on Friday. Okay, make it 20, I'll pay you back in an hour.
Don't you love it when they beg? Watch Diamonds on USA.
Somebody at 9, 8 Central. Come on, I'm on a mission. I'm on my knee.
Today, there's a diet pill that can help you lose weight without being hungry and without caffeine to make you nervous.
I lose weight because I'm not hungry, and Dexatrim's caffeine-free, so I don't feel nervous or jittery.
Dexatrim's amazing. I lost weight without being hungry, and that never happened before.
Just one caffeine-free Dexatrim works all day, morning through bedtime, to control your appetite and help you lose weight.
The pounds came off, and I feel great.
You can lose weight, feel great, with today's caffeine-free Dexatrim.
Blunt. I don't stay on cases when I'm not told the facts.
Smart. I'm nobody's husband. I'm a P.I.
Funny. Did you apply to Sacramento for your license, or do you classify this thing as personal jewelry?
Sexy. I can't disagree with you. Tough.
Blow that thing again, and I'll wrap it around your neck.
Some guys have it all. You could be right.
Power's booth is Philip Marlowe Private Eye on USA premiering January 8th.
Hello. Oh, hi, Harvey. Dinner on Monday? Let's see.
I don't think I can make it on Monday. Tuesday? That's my night out with the girls. Wednesday?
Oh, yes! No, I mean, no, I got a date on Wednesday. Thursday?
There's only one vice worth having. Miami Vice on USA. Weeknights at 7 and 11.
Harvey, I gotta go. You have a vice day.
And now, the conclusion of Porky's Revenge.
This is the Wall Street Journal Consumer Update with Bill Bruce.
How does the Player's Club card work? Like magic.
In Las Vegas, Atlantic City, the Caribbean, Reno, Lake Tahoe, even on cruise ships.
Just show your Player's Club card and save on room. Show the card and save on show. And save on food.
And how about two free room nights in Las Vegas or Atlantic City when you use our Super Saver Airfare
for the most exciting times of your life called Player's Club. Now.
Good evening. The battle is heating up in the International Express Delivery business.
Federal Express is making inroads in Japan while United Parcel Service is now working in 19 countries it hadn't served before.
DHL Worldwide Express pioneered international deliveries nearly 20 years ago.
But now it's using increased advertising to boost its presence in the U.S. I'm Bill Bruce.
Is Elvis alive? Judge for yourself by calling the 900 number on your television screen.
Hear what could be the incredible Elvis phone call. Listen to the newest and longest recording ever.
Just released from the original taped conversation purportedly of Elvis recorded about four years after the 16th of August, 1977.
Call 1-900-909-ELVIS. Call now. Experience what may be the most shocking story of our time.
Hi, I'm Andy Gurion. From all of us at Dance Party USA to all of you, Happy Holidays!