It's the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, featuring Kevin Yuvax and the Tonight Show band, and me and Ed Hall.
Tonight, Jay welcomes from Daredevil Michael Clark Duncan, American Fido, the music of Coldplay, and Headlines.
And now, Jay Leno!
Hi, you guys! Thank you!
Thank you very much, and welcome to the Tonight Show!
Yeah, thank you!
Nice to have you all here, let's see what's going on in the world.
I guess you know, President Bush once again getting tough with Iraq.
He said today we have to stop Saddam Hussein from playing hide and seek with his weapons.
Hey, we can't even stop Michael Jackson from playing hide and seek with his weapons.
And as you know, we are currently at what level? We are at orange.
We are at orange, which is high alert.
Orange alert. Doesn't that sound like some new fruit drink with extra caffeine?
See, I don't understand this whole stupid color system.
They always have to explain what the color means, right?
The announcer comes on and says, we are now at level orange, and then they say orange means high alert.
Why not just say we're at high alert?
If you say we're at high alert, does anybody go, high alert, wait a minute, what color is that?
Just say we're high alert.
President Bush said today the goal of these terrorists is to inflict economic chaos on the United States.
Economic chaos.
Well, good luck in California.
We have to go a long way to beat our own Governor Gray Davis.
Yes sir, we have to. Yeah, let's see you beat that one.
Let me ask you something.
Have you seen this Muslim cleric guy on TV?
The guy's name is Abu Hamza. Hamaz. Hamaz. Hamaz.
Abu Hamaz.
Sorry.
Anyway, the guy's got one eye and two hooks for him.
He's got one eye and two hooks, and he's on TV and he says all the bad things that have happened to America are signs from God.
He says it's God's way of punishing us.
Really? What is he called having one eye and two hooks for him?
Okay, yeah. You guys, yeah.
And Iraq said today they approve the use of spy planes by the UN.
I'm sorry, how secretive are these spy planes?
If we have to get permission from Iraq to fly them.
Isn't the whole idea of spying that you don't...
Okay, we're going to be spying now. Okay.
I mean, it seems to me we have to ask their permission.
Can I look through the window at your wife? Sure, go ahead. That's not spying.
Gas now over two bucks a gallon.
Two bucks a gallon. It's so expensive now. Listen to this.
Women in Houston that want to run over their husbands are carpooling.
That's how bad it is. Two or three women in a car get killed.
Run down the garden.
That's a huge story down there in Houston.
That woman accused of running over her husband with a Mercedes.
I guess she took the stand in her own defense.
This is interesting, fascinating.
She said today after she ran over him she felt terrible.
And she tried to revive him with a can of fixaflap.
But no, it didn't work.
That's bad. That's bad.
How many people still creeped out by that Michael Jackson interview?
Man, that was...
Well, Michael himself said he is not happy about the way the documentary turned out.
He said he was shocked when he saw it.
Apparently even he can't believe how creepy he is.
He said, I have no idea.
Well, he heard the latest. Now he wants to give a rebuttal.
Michael Jackson wants to go on 60 minutes, give his version of what happens.
Now this is true.
Boy, that'd be an unusual show, huh?
Michael Jackson, a guy who never grew up, surrounded by guys who never die.
It's like a fashion in that matter and empty matter.
To me, the little kid part was the strangest.
When Michael said he has little boys sleep in his bedroom,
and when he has little boys sleep in his bedroom, one always sleeps on the floor.
One of them always sleeps on the floor.
It's the same arrangement Liza Nellie has with her husband.
When there's one sleep in the bed, he sleeps on the floor, basically.
Did you see him in the hotel room trying to feed his baby with that bottle hat?
I don't think he knew which end to put it in.
Did you see him? He's sitting there going like this.
Then he's bouncing the kid. You see that?
He's bouncing the kid on his knee.
You know what Michael calls that when he bounces a kid on his knee?
It's a lap dance. That's what he calls it.
Right knee, right knee, right knee.
Hey, Smitty, I'll need a rim shot on this one.
Hey, Kev, what does Michael Jackson call a backyard with a kiddie pool?
Temptation Island. Hey, but I want to go.
Enough of those. Enough of those.
Oh, what else?
Oh, in Colorado, state legislators there announced
that they want to change the legal status of cats and dogs from property to companion.
Dog and cat would be a companion rather than property.
Very similar to legislation in North Korea where they change the status of cats and dogs from appetizer to entree.
And in basketball news, some people think that Yao Ming may have had an advantage in that all-star selection,
you know, that whole thing, because people in China can vote now on the Internet.
In fact, they thought that might be the case after the first day of voting when Ming was ahead by over a billion votes.
In fact, Al Gore said today, why didn't I think of that?
I gave money to the Chinese. I should have had that vote for me.
I don't know who's president today.
Oh, look at this.
And Walmart announced today they are recalling 30,000 bean bag chairs because they are defective.
You know, what can go wrong here? It's a bag with beans in it.
What's the problem?
Remember when we used to make steel in this country?
Now we can't fill a bag with beans without screwing up 30,000 of them.
What is that?
Oh, and a company in Oregon has just announced they've created a supersize ambulance
for patients who are too fat to go on a regular ambulance.
See, this is perfect.
Not to drive you. You order your supersize meal, have your supersize heart attack, get caught away in a supersize ambulance.
The circle is complete, basically.
All right.
Here's something interesting according to a study in the LA Times today that the tongue, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body.
Let me tell you something, okay?
If your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body, A, you either need to work out more or shut up more, okay?
One or the other.
You work out, is that true?
Well, you work out, is that true?
It is sometimes.
It is sometimes.
I'm not even going to go there.
Never mind. Never mind.
I'm not just going to get a different perspective, but never mind. Never mind.
Oh, listen to this. Sunday, New York City. Benjamin Curtis. You know who he is?
He's the actor who plays Stephen, the Dell computer guy, arrested for possession of marijuana.
Apparently misunderstood with the government meant by high alert.
Apparently a little confused by that.
So it's like, dude, you're getting a cell. That's what's going on, huh?
More like dude, you're getting a boyfriend, I think is what's happening.
They arrested the Dell computer. That's amazing.
You know, I guess after Nick Nolte, Phil Spector, Bobby Brown, Courtney Love,
we've run out of good celebrities to arrest.
Now we're just down to picking out the few nerds in the crowd.
What else? Oh, the Anna Nicole Smith show, getting ready for its second season.
I guess in the first episode she's going to hook up five guys to a lie detector
and ask them why they want to go out with her.
And of course, she'll be hooked up to a soft serve ice cream machine.
Oh, what else?
And finally, in an interview this week, Evan Marriott, he's the Joe Millionaire guy.
You know, he's Joe Millionaire guy. I guess it's over. Is it this week it's over?
It's over this week.
He said he'd like to continue to be on TV after Joe Millionaire is over.
He said he'd like to do a hip version of the Bob Via show,
the home improvement kind of show.
He wants to combine the Bob Via show with Joe Millionaire.
Call it this old whorehouse.
You know, folks, I don't know if you've heard about this.
I guess it's Bob Vila, isn't it? Vila, Bob Vila.
That's why it wasn't that funny.
Hey, it's Monday. What do you want?
I don't know if you've heard about this. HBO is coming out with another reality show.
This one's going to be set in a trailer park.
This is true. They haven't come out with a name for the show yet,
but they're kicking around a number of possibilities.
And these are a few of the possible names for the trailer park show.
This one's not bad. Eight simple rules for dating my own teenage daughter.
That's not a bad one.
I dream of indoor plumbing. That's not a bad one.
This one is not bad. My so-called teeth.
I like this one. Sabrina, teenage mother of three.
Sabrina, teenage mother of three.
Actually, this next one's not bad either. SpongeBob stretch pants.
They might go with a more serious tone. They could use this one.
CSI, far stoves.
Oh, Dave the cameraman liked that one.
This is more of a sensitive one. Touched by a tornado.
Everybody loves malt liquor.
And finally, the best name for a trailer park show,
the Maury Povich show, ladies and gentlemen.
Be right back with headlines and Michael Clark Duncan.
Say hello to Kevin Eubanks and the Tonight Show Band.
Tonight, all night is being brought to you in part by Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wings.
Okay, talk to me. Why all the trouble?
Well, Marley F. thinks he's all that, but I know he's all flat.
You gonna take that?
I'm much too sensible to stoop that low.
He's just jealous of my sweet frosted deliciousness.
Please, people want the fiber of whole wheat. Give it up, yo.
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Say, don't those belong to the Gorton's fishermen?
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Welcome back. Thank you.
Hey Kev, what happened again?
What's that man?
Me and my cat Cheese were watching the Animal Planet this week.
Alright.
Cause I got like a big giant screen TV,
like as big as a big stupid screen TV.
Alright.
And the windows open, me and Cheese are watching TV, you know.
And so the cat's kind of distracted, you know.
I'm thinking what, you know, meerkats, meerkats are on TV.
Cheese loves watching TV.
And I'm thinking, well, I'm going to go watch the Animal Planet.
And I'm thinking, well, I'm going to go watch the Animal Planet.
You know, meerkats are on TV, Cheese loves watching meerkats.
Three deer are looking through the window.
Really?
And they're watching the Animal Planet with me and Cheese.
Really?
And I tell you, they were delicious.
I don't know, it was cool, me and Cheese are watching the...
That's cool.
Monday night time for head for a buffet restaurant weekend buffet 1199 I like
this children under to eat free children must present ID side he says you're 22
month cab I think I see why you're a vegetarian is a Chinese restaurant menu
fried Chinese pickled with stomach wait a minute is that stomach pork okay I love
this this is like a souvenir thing you know you get it a football game you know
these little you know you put it on you sit in the stands I like what it says
here warning not to be used as protective device don't actually go out
and play with this on
someone sent me this campaign poster vote for horny Richard yes
HMOs they're better if you're healthy reports is free birdwalk and a free
birdwalk in the canyon bring binoculars boots sunscreen and hate
little birds an awful thing to bring to the park here's a heck of a deal 14
aluminum screen storm windows and screen new in 1960 a hell of a deal here's an
ad for Herald publications they print rubber stands brochures look a place
that prints it out we print it out is free fat-cutting gel look at this this
guy says I woke up the next morning one dress size smaller
apparently you lost a lot more than a couple of pounds you know other
countries don't do this we're the only we are so squeamish about saying medical
things or anything to do look at it says headline is syphilis outbreak shaking up
Detroit the syphilis typically appears as a sore can be treated with
penicillin left undamaged can damage the heart look at the top sentence the heart
I brain and other boy parts
let's go the doctor let's see your boy part I love this retire rich and healthy
you want to retire rich extension 61 to healthy here is the definition of irony
porn star soos over rear end collision
maybe that rear end hadn't been moving around so much here's an honest ad Ruby
red binoculars an amazing 5.8 field of vision for tracking any prey great for
outdoor sporting events and concert I never heard of this I'm sure it's a fine
product polygamy bratwurst how many people have touched that is another
weight loss one I don't know this made me laugh yeah it made me laugh I don't
know just about hypnosis after hypnosis her husband said you're the sexiest
woman alive yes dear you are the sexiest oh yes oh baby no no yes
wow this killed me I'm gonna read the ladies quote and a quote really doesn't
make sense until you see the picture as a woman as a secretary she handles all
the duties it says it's just easier to do it myself I've grown up with this
business it's all in my head this is from the Flagstaff newspaper it says do
you think more people use marijuana in Flagstaff compared to other cities
Michael Willett graduate student says I think they do a lot my neighbor sells a
lot to the whole town think the police are on their way to his Amisha the
Misha Willett's house right now here's another one what do you think of judge
William Sessions decision declaring the federal death penalty law
unconstitutional David Lind of Rutland says I believe everyone has a right to
a fair and speedy trial I also believe life is precious so I support the death
penalty someone sent me this from the yellow pages this is under sperm banks
in the yellow pages there are two sperm banks listed Swedish Medical Center
reproductive technology and Woody's Grill and Bar
Woody's Grill and Bar. I ain't going out of Woody's I think I'll make the donation down there
sounds better Ferris State showmanship winner I can see why he and his lamb won
little creepy here are some weddings these are people with interesting names
that just happened to get married here's the golf ball wedding there's the
beaten heart wedding maybe these people live in Houston it's the hanger husband
wedding it's the missing to beer engagement
must have been quite a party feces celebrate 65th we're the feces no never
mind I like this one yes damn it Johnson a leak more wedding sounds like a bad
movie yes it's the hooker and the dummy they decided the hooker and the dummy
it's Ed and wanna hickey be a fascinating wedding it's the veal wacker
wedding it's the butter is nevermind
it's the colon plumber wedding the combs bush wedding
call horrors and it's the killing beavers wedding finally yes my favorite
it's the gay Leno wedding both you have a headline tonight Joe with J Leno 3000
West Alameda Avenue Burbank California 91523 for more headlines and other stuff
go to our website NBC comm slash tonight show be right back Michael Clark Duncan
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central all-new game show moments
instrument I'd have to say guitar the password is smirk only game show
moments NBC Tuesday 8 7 central Tuesday Frazier finds true love but when he
looks at her he sees his high school gym teacher this Tuesday Frazier confronts
his own psychosis USA jury selection advice from Scott Foley one thing that
pretty women hate most is other pretty women are you calling me pretty I'm in
it as an insult you come to NBC Tuesday Thursday a full hour of friends it's a
crossroad for Phoebe I love you but I never want to get married is it the end
or the beginning of something huge you don't want to get married either right
except that I do want to get married then an all-new will and grace and the
event that brings closer together you are sexy and kind how many devil eggs
did you have and finally the arrival of the scrubs baby one question who's the
daddy new comedy NBC Thursday NBC Thursday he asked the question I want to
marry you now will he make it official and the ER gets a trauma there's a
shooting across the street full-blooded robbery homicide that hits too close to
home oh my god an all-new NBC Thursday Sunday an NBC movie event they were just
married but one by one they're being killed neither one is wearing a wedding
band taking the rings could be his signature he's gonna kill again now the
hunt begins they were both shot at close range with a honeymoon killer from the
best-selling novel by James Patterson Tracy Pollan first to die
NBC Sunday eight seven central
welcome back to the show tonight Michael Clark Duncan is on his way out
tonight Michael because sounds like only Miss America contestants and him have
the third name Michael Clark and our canine reality show American Fido
continues tonight with two exciting new challenges this is this is exceeded our
exit this is gotten world-class publicity all over the place
you said people going crazy and of course with two Grammy nominations
Coldplay will get right to it my first guest will see an Oscar nomination well
deserved his performance in the green mile some of the other films include
Armageddon the Scorpion King his new movie daredevil he's great in this movie
what a nasty guy is that nasty guy opens on Friday please welcome Michael Clark
Duncan ladies
good to see you buddy it's good to be back man finally now last night you had
your big premiere the red carpet the whole deal hot date you have a hot date
no I'm solo right now I'm you know it's very ironic that I would be solo around
Valentine's Day I don't know I don't have a female in my life right now
what's what think I'm what you say start looking are you doing it for
Valentine's Day you're gonna have a date no you know what actually I'll be in New
York promoting the movie so I will be all by myself in the Big Apple slaving
away for this movie that I know you guys are gonna enjoy so are you a romantic
guy normally oh yeah definitely definitely a romantic guy yes all I mean
one of my ex-girlfriends I've rented a hotel suite and I had about I had 14
dozen red and yellow roses delivered and I took every petal off each rose and
put it all over the room put it in the jacuzzi hot tub had hot oil balloons had
the champagne and I got into an argument with the guy at the hotel to fake my
girlfriend and I said well this is the only room we had and I can't stand this
hotel and when we open the door the balloons kind of came out there was all
heated in there and everything and I you know it was a kind of interesting night
that night I can see why she's your ex-girlfriend
you must be pretty bad in the sack
everything else is perfect
you know what that's why I don't see this is the reason I don't come on here more for this right here man this is the reason right there
I know but could we move on please if you have to say that
you never let me have an ex-girlfriend never okay can we leave that alone
we'll move on okay move on
can you remember your most pathetic attempt at a girl because every guy has
you know just what you tried yeah oh man it didn't work King High School in high
school yes dude named Larry Kelly told me that I was trying to date this senior
I was a freshman and he told me that I had to be really cool with her her locker
was right next to mine so he told me if I bought this leather suit with this
was leather tam and wore these sunglasses that's what senior women like
leather pants the whole yeah leather pants these boot things like yeah don't
say nothing let me finish so I spoke to this woman every day and she I thought
we had a good vibe going but my friend he said no you got to be cool so I bought
this leather out it's something for 50 bucks and it was very tight because he was
little than me and I didn't even understand
I know but can I finish what I said I know but I don't like to giggle in
between let me finish let me finish everybody's littler than you that you
don't understand anyway I bought this leather suit and when she came to her
locker I cannot inch mine open I said what's up and she looked she said Michael
I said yeah and she said what's wrong with you and I was thinking oh she likes
it huh now I'm getting somewhere and she told me she said you know out of all the
guys in this high school you were the only guy that was different from
everybody else and I started taking off the glasses no no wait no I'm no Larry
Kelly told me to wear this outfit for you and she said no so she said well if
that's the case she means she said then you're a follower not a leader and I
don't like a follower and I never saw that woman again and so for guys out
there be yourself always be yourself you're better off
Now you're stuck for the rest of the day right?
Yes I was stuck for the rest of the day
It was summer
In the hot leather out of your own band
How about your first kiss? Do you remember your first kiss?
Patricia...oh I forgot her last name
Patricia Fisher
You too?
You? That was you?
No good so what was this? Junior High?
No I didn't ah...okay I'm gonna let it out and I don't want to hear nothing from you
I want...
I know cause I get tired of your little quick remarks every time I say something
The last thing I want to do is embarrass you
Okay okay
I won't say anything
So promise
So your first kiss was what?
I was 21 years old when I got...
I didn't...
I wasn't that type of guy to be going out trying to, you know, pick up on girls and trying to do all that type of stuff.
So I waited.
So I waited.
Tell you what...
21?
What?
I will tell you. We'll find out more.
You know, it's fascinating because I would have thought...
I don't want to keep going back to it. I don't want to talk about it anymore.
It's over. Really, it's over.
Do you want to lie down on the couch?
I want to be left alone.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
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Welcome talking with Michael Clark Duncan. Daredevil is a new movie.
You know whenever you and I talk, inevitably, this all seems to happen.
We always wind up talking about moms.
Because your mom and my mom were very similar.
Your mom's about like, she's like 4'11".
Yeah, 4'11", about 100 pounds, really.
But she packs a mean belt.
So, that's why I'm here today.
We were talking about the dressing room.
She lives where? What city?
Indianapolis.
And they can't get the time straight.
You know what I'm saying.
Is it noon there? No, it's six in the morning.
Three hours the other way.
My mother always gets the hours mixed up.
And she'll call me and she'll say, was James not on here?
I'll say, yes he is, mama. He comes on there.
I don't know what time it is, but he comes on NBC.
Well, that's Channel 11 here.
I'll say, well I know, but just look for the NBC.
And just watch it all day until he comes on and you see my face.
So I'm coming on, mama, just be patient.
Now didn't she teach you how to fight?
Yeah, my mother taught me how to fight.
She taught me how to play basketball.
She taught me how to play catch.
It just seems funny to me.
But you see how I start a story?
And then you just cut in with the giggling?
He always cut in with the giggling.
You're entertaining stories.
Tell people how your mom taught you to fight.
This is amazing to me.
You're not serious, now. I don't like when you do that.
Well, then I have to cut in and laugh.
But I mean, you've always been a big guy, right?
Yeah, always, always.
So, okay, you're like this. Your mom's 5'11".
How was she teaching you how to fight?
You know what the funny thing was?
I didn't realize how athletic my mother was at the time.
And she used to come out and play baseball
and teach me how to box and everything.
And I was like, mama, don't do that.
Don't come out in a skirt and pitch to me.
I didn't want her pitching to me,
but my mother was the only woman in the neighborhood
that was able to do that.
And I should have been proud instead of like crying
and wimping. But, mama, I am proud of you
and I love you and thank you very much.
Well...
Now, tell people about Daredevil.
Now, who do you play?
You're the bad guy. Oh, I play the kingpin.
You like being the bad guy?
I love it. I love it.
Because you know what? Because in this movie
I get to beat up the world's sexiest man alive.
And believe me,
it was fun.
Kicking Ben Affleck behind
all over the stage.
You know he wimped out a couple of times,
got his little stunt doubles in there?
It was all me. I have to say that.
Now, also,
your voice,
are you talking in a deeper voice
in the movie? Because it sounds...
Well, I was a lot... Man, I was a lot...
I was 50 pounds heavier.
I weighed 335, 340 in the movie.
I'm down to 285. I spelt.
Was it fun bulking up for that though?
Just go out every night? Yeah, just eat.
Go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.
If you ever need to train like that
for the film again, call me. Because I can train with you.
Right.
Now,
you had some great looking suits.
Even Kevin and I watched the movie and go,
oh, that's a cool suit. Ben had to wear that
rubber thing.
You know the funny thing is, when you look at him and you know the person,
it would be just like you guys picture Jay
in that leather outfit.
See, that's the way I did. I laughed too.
I'm just saying, it wasn't like
you. No, I know.
I know which it was funny.
And I had to get past that because the director kept saying
you're grinning on camera.
And I kept saying, but that's Ben standing over there.
He's not the daredevil.
I look at the daredevil being this
really tough guy and then there's Ben Affleck over there.
But you guys gotta
see it before. I think he pulled it off. I really do.
He did a great job. Describe the outfit. The outfit is what?
It's made out of leather. And
when I read the Daredevil comic books, I always
imagined those two little horns on the head. So I
said, okay, don't laugh at the horns. Don't laugh at the horns.
And the minute I walk out and he has those
two horns on the head, I'm like
And I had to detach
myself from knowing it's
Ben and just thinking, okay, this is Matt Murdock.
And then when I did that, it was a scene
where he says, Kingpin, and he does his cane
out and the cane collapsed on him.
And I said, see, Ben would do something goofy like that.
So that's not the Daredevil.
What's this clip we're gonna see? Do you know this scene we have set up here?
Oh yeah. Let's see what is happening here.
This is the ballroom scene. Oh, this is the ballroom scene.
Now see, now your voice is deeper here.
You got a Barry White thing going on here.
You know, because they wanted it to be light.
Yeah, well, that's very cool. Think about it. Here you go.
I look pretty good. Mr. Fisk.
Hi, Mr. Fisk. It's Franklin
Nelson from Nelson and Murdock. Excuse me.
Hey, yeah, you want to talk to Mr.
Fisk? You make an appointment. Okay?
Wesley.
I know who you are.
You're the blind lawyers from Hell's Kitchen.
Right, actually, actually, he's
the blind one. I'm deaf.
Give him a card, Wesley.
I'm always on the lookout for new blood.
I'm sorry, Mr. Fisk. My partner's a little
overzealous. We can't represent you.
Why is that?
Yes, why is that, Mr. Murdock?
Because
we only handle clients who are innocent.
Innocent, you said. It's pretty funny.
You know, I've learned one thing in all my years in this business.
What's that?
Nobody's innocent.
Nobody.
Yeah.
I like that.
I like that.
You know,
you're the first guest in our history
to applaud their own clip. Really?
Yeah, I believe in myself.
Well, Ben will be here on Wednesday.
Oh, he will? I know you've just got a new puppy.
Can you stick around for American Fido?
Yeah, definitely. Fascinating. Maybe one day you can
come out with your dog and do a trick.
With Matrix? Yeah, with Matrix, your new dog.
We'll work on it.
Yeah, we'll work on it. Michael, always a pleasure.
Michael Clark Duncan.
Be right back with American Fido, right after this.
Corner for 12 rounds is all about
stammer.
That's why I like high endurance from Old Spice.
No deodorant protects better.
And it'll last longer because it evaporates
more slowly.
Want proof? If you're not convinced, Old Spice
will buy you a stick of your old stuff.
Let me put it this way. High endurance
will last longer than I do.
I'm working on that.
What is that
wonderful fresh scent?
It must be the laundry.
With all fabric softener,
my employer's clothes come out smelling
fresh and feeling
soft. Who says you can't
have it all?
A cold sore's coming. How bad will it be?
How long will it last?
Heal it with Abriva. It speeds healing like a prescription
without one. It's the only non-prescription
that's FDA approved.
So, you're you again faster.
Abriva speeds healing like a prescription
without one. Listerine pocket
pocket pack strips have the power to destroy
germs.
The power to crush germs.
And the power to eliminate over
99% of germs on
contact.
Because when you kill the germs, you get an
incredible clean mouth feeling.
Cool mint, Listerine pocket packs
kill the germs, feel the
clean. When I wear black,
even a little dandruff shows. My old dandruff
shampoo wasn't doing enough, so I switched
to Salsum Blue moisturizing shampoo.
Doctor recommended for flakes and itch with
Aloe and moisturizers for healthier hair and scalp.
Never wear black without the blue.
Salsum Blue.
The only thing worse
than being cooped up with a bad cold
is having a roommate
who isn't. Thank goodness
for Kleenex
tissues. Nothing is more soothing than
Kleenex lotion tissues. Well, almost
nothing.
New easy off microwave wipes.
Let the heat activated formula create a mist to
loosen even stock on food. Then wipe it clean.
New easy off microwave wipes
from the oven Kleenex purse.
Alright,
alright folks,
are you tired of those
stupid vapid mindless contestants
you see on all these network reality shows?
If you're tired of that, you've come to the right place.
We have our own reality series.
Can we all let share please?
Ours features dogs.
It's now time for round two
of American Fighter.
Alright, let's meet our first
contestant, Bob Moore and Archie.
Come on out here.
Bob Moore and Archie.
How are ya?
You must be Archie.
Hi Archie, how are ya?
Archie!
Oh, there he is. I found him.
Comedy thinks pretty high.
That's a good looking dog. What kind of dog is this?
He's a peek-a-poo.
A peek-a-poo?
Is that a real name? I never heard of it.
A Pekingese and poodle.
Where'd you get this dog?
I got him five years ago
at the San Bernardino Pound.
So you rescued him?
That's good. That's not the best place to get your dog.
Okay.
And I'm hearing he's a communicator.
You said, what does that mean?
Well, in the morning, before I let him out
he comes and talks to me.
What does he say?
He says, you know,
we want to go outside.
Alright.
He's very generous too.
What is his talent?
Well, he can walk the tight wire.
Walk the tight wire? He's going to walk up here?
I noticed you have two wires here.
He walks up? Okay.
And then, alright, then goes down the slide?
Alright, let's see.
Let's see what Archie can do.
Good boy, good boy.
Alright Archie.
Alright, good boy Archie.
Attaboy. Good boy Archie.
Good boy Archie.
Attaboy Archie, take your time.
Easy does it. Make it look difficult.
Maybe they'll throw money.
Take your time.
Get all the air time you can get.
Easy does it.
Alright.
Alright.
Hey.
Archie. Archie. Archie.
Archie. Archie.
Archie. Archie.
Well Bob, thank you. That was very good.
Thank you Bob. I don't need a treat.
I'm fine. Alright, thank you.
Alright, let's get him off stage here.
Come on, there we go. Archie.
Pretty good.
You never know when a talent like that
is going to come in handy.
Let's meet John T. Jens and Marvin.
John, come on out here.
How are you John?
T. Jens, did I say it right?
You said it. T. Jens.
Who is this guy? This is Marvin.
Marvin, how are you? What a cutie.
What kind of dog is Marvin?
Marvin is Jack Russell Terrier.
Come here Marvin. Come on Marvin.
Good boy. Oh, it's like a disco thing.
Okay.
Where did you get him?
You know the pound guy? He is another pound guy.
Best place to get dogs.
Yeah, that's cool. Okay.
You were telling me these are high maintenance.
Why? He doesn't seem high maintenance.
Well, he is not now. He is 8 years old.
So he is pretty well middle aged and well conditioned.
But normally Jack Russells,
they are very feisty, they are very inquisitive.
They are all over everything all the time.
And they can raise a lot of stuff.
How many dogs do you have?
Actually, I have 14 dogs.
14?
Yeah, I have a custom home.
It is all designed for them.
Really? Yeah, and I sleep with five of them.
And Marvin is one of them.
How about when someone comes over?
I don't have one over.
I think I understand.
What is Marvin's talent?
Marvin actually,
I and Marvin do a non-stop
continuous acrobatic routine.
Non-stop? It shows only an hour.
Alright, I will try and stand out of the way here.
Alright, you ready, Marvin?
Here we go, non-stop.
Okay, here we go.
Marvin, come on. Marvin.
Marvin, Marvin, Marvin.
Wow.
Marvin, Marvin, Marvin.
Marvin.
Marvin.
Marvin.
Wow.
Very good.
Wow.
That's very good, you know.
That's very good.
You know, Marvin could bring you on
my favorite human show. Wow, look at that.
Very good.
Very good.
Very good, very good.
Alright, let's hang right here.
Let's bring out the Baltimore and Archie.
Baltimore and Archie, come on out here.
Alright, now.
Now, one of these dogs
will advance the American Fido
finale on February 24th.
Will it be Archie,
the tightrope walker, or Marvin,
Marvin, the acrobat?
Log onto our website, NBC.com.
Click on tonight's show and vote for who you think
should move forward in the competition.
Next Monday, we'll have two new dogs for you.
Guys, thank you very much. Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you, Bob. Thank you, Bob.
Be right back with Coldplay right after this.
That was good.
مشتكاییه سکنای  surprising
on 8USA jury selection advice from Scott Foley.
One thing that pretty women hate most is other pretty women.
Are you calling me pretty?
I meant it as an insult.
8USA after an all-new Frasier, NBC Tuesday.
NBC West Wing Wednesday.
A California reunion with Sam Seaborn.
The President of the United States.
It's the West Wing in chaos.
Oh my God.
As American peacekeepers are taken hostage,
the President makes a commitment to bring them home.
I've just taken your airport.
An all-new West Wing, NBC Wednesday.
Law and Order, Wednesday's number one drama is all new.
She can make men do anything, but did she make this man kill?
Stupid is not a defense to murder.
How far will she go?
Wait, wait.
To get away with it?
Oof.
That's the twist.
What was I supposed to do?
All-new Law and Order, NBC Wednesday.
Thursday, a full hour of friends.
It's a crossroad for Phoebe.
I love you, but I never want to get married.
Is it the end or the beginning of something huge?
You don't want to get married either, right?
Except that I do want to get married.
Then an all-new Will and Grace.
Hello, girl!
And the event that brings friends closer together.
You are sexy and kind.
How many devil eggs did you have?
And finally, the arrival of the Scrubs baby.
One question, who's the daddy?
New comedy, NBC Thursday.
NBC Thursday, he asks the question.
I want to marry you!
Now, will he make it official?
You'd be lucky to have her.
And the ER gets a trauma.
There's a shooting across the street.
Full-blooded robbery, homicide.
That hits too close to home.
Oh, my God.
An all-new ER, NBC Thursday.
All right.
My next guests have received two Grammy nominations for their latest TV, a rush of blood to the head.
They'll be performing at the Grammy Awards February 23rd.
Please welcome Cold Blood.
Let's go out and I can't be safe.
Tired, so I try to swim again.
I walk me down to pull my knees
Oh, and I beg, I beg and plead, singing
Come out of things unsaid
Shoot and I pull off my head
With a trouble that can't be named
A tiger's waiting to be tamed, singing
You, ah
You, ah
I could not stop that you now know, so I come back and take you home.
So I come back up on my knees, cursed missed opportunities.
Am I a part of the cure or am I part of the disease singing?
You are, you are.
All we know is that there's comparison.
You are, you are.
You are, you are.
You are, you are.
You are, you are.
You are, you are.