I said at one point I said I don't think you understand me and he said use smaller words
However, you have to tell them because they can't read our minds
We think they can and they didn't read the same books
In fact, a lot of them haven't read any someone behind the scenes is clapping back there
People are gonna start yelling testify pretty soon. No, you have to tell them they can't figure it out for themselves
You want it and how you want it and when you want it
Well, and I think there's another important part here, too
I think that women are used to men just coming on to them and they go use the men taking me a sort of role
What did what should they do?
I leave I leave book. Yeah, that's how I learned how to have sex in the first place
I can only have it with myself and a book but at least you know, I got that part down
What do you say to men when you want to tell them, you know?
I want it
You just say how about it
I think it has to be touching. I think it has to be reaching out
And I think that women have never learned how to touch men to turn them on
Well, you know why because they understand that it's just like the restaurant business
There are only three words for having sex with a man location location location
The right spot and often
We're gonna talk about the right spot in a little bit
We're also gonna talk about this their fake diamonds fake fur fake leather and you can be happy with all of those
But what about the big foe? Oh, thank you orgasms and a whole bunch of other stuff when we come back
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Oh
Men tell us that they really think about those sex survey. We get a little freaky on the show tomorrow on the British Berry show
We're back and real women are responding to sex
Okay, you want them but you can't always get them. What are they?
Orgasms
Guess what percentage of women say that they always have orgasms or that they have orgasms
Well, we're gonna tell you right now
82% of all the women said that they have orgasms the interesting thing about this is the why I mean
You know how often how I was that's as well. I was a statistician. Oh, how many?
Okay of those who had the orgasms Joey if you can show me D
46% always have them
36% occasionally have them and 16 rarely have them
Let's go to the real women first this time do you what's going on here?
46% always have 36 occasionally 16 autumn. Where do you fall?
Well, what this first of all, but this 46 always have them 46% of these respondents are constantly having orgasms always shopping is what I'm having
It's a good
Simultaneous it not much. No, it's the best way it really is
Richard Jenny has the funniest line. He said well women, you know how the cigarette pack says don't smoke or you'll have spontaneous things
And he's like having one right now
I think that's a good question. What does it mean?
If you were to answer this kind of survey and it said always have them occasionally have them rarely have them
Would you know how to answer? I would say always just to be incredibly macho
Do you think that that's what happens that sometimes there are women who actually always have orgasms
And I don't want to know them and they probably were like
70s when there are whole manuals telling you how to have orgasms, you know
It was a mandate you had to learn how and I learned very well
Yeah
What percentage of the women do you think fake orgasms? So we're gonna look at that. It's E
61 percent said that they fake orgasms now. They don't take them all the time
We asked the question. Have you ever faked an orgasm 61 percent have faked an orgasm? I think that everyone has
done that at some point because after a while it's just like all right, he's not gonna leave me alone until it's over. I have
I
Read in your pre-interview that you have faked and and can do it quite well
I think only professionally in my personal life and this is what this will be reassuring to my boyfriend
I think I like explain that to me. Well during a very illustrious a phase of my career
I wrote point scripts for the nine seven six numbers which consisted mainly of ooh, it's so big. Oh, it's so hard
Ooh, ooh, ooh. It was like, you know every other word
Oh, I was convinced by that
Throbbing rod that was another thing that occurred. So you had to fake orgasm
I had to write these scripts and then sometimes I had to like voice them
That was the technical term as well
And I got kind of good at this because they would say no you need to approach the top more gradually
You need to stay at the top longer. How did you down? I'm sorry. I put you on the spot. Okay, okay
Um, I have to like put my hand over my face. I have to put it somewhere
So might as well be over my face to do this
I'm so scared by autumn. I'm being led by an onion. Oh
I mean it's real
So unreal
That's so unreal cause there's no, you know
Get the cat out of the room
Ouch! Get off my leg
You know there's no reality there
Bonnie, when you got the respondents why did they tell you the why and what were some of the reasons they gave?
The main reason was to get the guy off
I mean to get him to stop
to get it over with.
To get it over with, yeah.
When I'm too long.
I'm too long.
I have to do laundry, I have a lot of...
I do too.
So if this many people, if they're faking orgasms, why do they want sex more frequently then?
Well, no, the other women didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Right.
That was actually the main reason.
This brings us back to the beginning.
It's faking interest in the guy in the first place, right?
Going from the...
No, and landers who think women want to be hugged and snuggled and all that kind of thing.
Yes, exactly.
Sometimes you have to do the big nasty to get it.
It's so hard.
Well, you can't.
For sex.
For the most beautiful moment of your life.
Or sometimes they do take too long.
They take too long.
It's like two days.
How long do you take?
Too long.
Can anything take too long?
20 minutes, 30 minutes?
Yeah.
I don't care how long it takes.
An hour is too long.
You notice I'm just kind of standing here going...
Go ahead, have the show.
I'm just learning.
Well, I don't think an hour is too long.
An hour is too long.
I thought I was saying an hour is too long.
It's like you're getting a child in such a way.
Yeah, you have to call the doctor afterwards.
So did you all...
I don't know if everybody is different, but it's too long for whoever it is.
So the women who respond to you, they say they don't want to hurt his feelings.
But can you tell that these are the same women, that's a good question, who said that they're
not getting it enough?
No, we can't tell that they're the same women.
You can't tell?
So they're unhappy about it, they're tired of it, they say, just leave me alone?
And how do they tell?
Now remember, this is women who have faking orgasms.
These women aren't faking orgasms every time they have sex with a guy.
They enjoy sex, they want more sex, but every once in a while they're faking orgasms.
Okay, what of our real women respondents...
What do you think?
You're a real woman.
We're real women too.
But you're the expert, completely alone.
We're real women.
Oh, that's right.
We're complete women.
We're complete women.
Of the real women, of our real women...
You know I'm already brazzled just talking about it.
Okay, so of you, I mean, what is the funniest thing you've ever heard or said at the point of orgasm?
Can I tell you the funniest thing that a friend heard?
Yeah, sure.
Well, as being a comedian, we spend a lot of time in hotels and there's nothing ickier
than hearing other people having a better time than you, okay?
And this one friend said he was in a hotel and this couple next door obviously was some sort of acrobatic something.
Things were going on there for days.
He was disgusted yet compelled to listen.
And all of a sudden, you know, the screaming stops, the hotel is once again quiet,
and the woman yells, you kidnappers are all alive.
It was sort of...
Very weird.
That was the little game that they were playing.
They were checking out.
That was the little game that they were playing.
What stories have you heard?
About orgasms and things like that.
Well, we didn't quiz them really on the orgasm thing, but...
Did you hear a lot about multiple orgasms?
Was there a lot of response about multiple?
No.
Why not?
Well, we had it in a little quiz form.
The interesting thing is...
It's the visual.
It's the visual.
Multiple orgasm people had to write an essay.
The truth is we had tons of essays about other things, about their sexual fantasies and their experiences.
There were pages and pages and pages we had to go through.
They went on and on.
Okay, I'm going to tell you one of the funniest ones.
I'm sitting there at 3 o'clock in the morning reading the whole thing.
One woman is writing about her sexual fantasies and experiences, and she goes,
and now I'm getting turned on by writing this.
Okay.
Planes, trains, and automobiles, the name of a movie? No.
They're the places you've had your best sex, and we're going to talk about it when we come back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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We're talking about real women responding to the sex surveys and I was impressed that
women actually wrote in and said some of the things that they said.
I'm even more impressed that our guests today are saying them live and on TV which is real
great.
Okay we're talking about best sex right now and you all got tons of letters about people
with people describing the best sex that they had ever had.
What was some of the most interesting letters Bonnie?
Some of them involved like having sex in a glass elevator, doing it on the beach, a lot
of them were into the beach.
These are not fantasies.
These are not fantasies.
These are real things.
The sand was an issue.
The sand was an issue.
My husband had a terrible case of poison, I have to tell you about it.
We thought it was going to be one of those things but it wasn't.
But the most bizarre story had to do with going to the beach and having a wonderful
time with my boyfriend and taking our pet snake.
We didn't publish that one.
You didn't publish it so you thought you shared it with us.
No that is not me.
That was one of our readers.
Best sex you've ever had?
Well it was great a few minutes ago.
That guy right?
No I'm still thinking about it.
I'm still waiting although I did have unforgettable sex once in a cemetery in Boston.
I had written a book called Wild Women actually and there was a woman who was in the book
who was buried in the cemetery and I had sex on her tombstone.
Another person was involved, a Libyan person was involved.
That's all it said.
I like it that way.
It was great.
Seriously it was something death defying about making love which can lead to making babies.
I'll talk to her in the green room afterwards.
It's beautiful.
Can you tell us in California?
By the way I'm glad you pointed out that she had a live partner because I practice
environmentally safe sex.
I always make sure that my partner is biodegradable.
Or at least degradable.
One of you said that it was best with strangers.
I know a lot of people.
I know why you said that.
Have you had your shot?
This was before AIDS.
I'm talking about my past.
I'm involved in a long term relationship now but I spent nine years living in Aspen
before the AIDS epidemic and having a wild crazy time.
I always felt that a stranger is someone you just met.
There was the wild excitement and the new exploring someone etc.
Now that's if you can separate love and sex.
That's the best sex.
Now there's also the best kind of romantic sex which is the kind that I have with my
boyfriend and that we built up for eight months knowing each other and then you know in front
of the fireplace with beautiful music.
So there's the two kinds of sex but that's pure raw sex and I think it's best with a
stranger.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to moan audibly.
I mean I have since this happened.
Can I talk to you about this?
Yes please.
Okay because I saw the little man with the sign.
And I actually have had a relationship, a long term relationship, not now because well
he was snatched by dingoes.
I was opening for a singer in Las Vegas and it was really really boring and I just happened
to meet a trumpet player who many years later my therapist said I had to use his name but
not on TV.
And he did things to me.
I mean at first I could say no no there will not be any penetration.
There won't be any and the next day as I tried to stand up and then just had to kind of sit
back down real quick he kind of laughed at me.
It was amazing.
It was amazing.
Do you have flashbacks?
Well yeah and every once in a while I used to go see him just to kind of refresh my memory.
He was my service man for many years.
He was my number one service man.
You know and he did not wear a uniform is all I can tell you.
Well I think sex with strangers is like it can be great because you can say anything,
you can do anything.
They don't know.
You know they haven't met your parents and they're not going to.
Tell me if you brought up a good point that the point about when it's without romance
is the most, do your writers tell you that the best sex is the most romantic sex?
Yeah they still want it.
Definitely.
But they don't know what romantic sex is.
But every once in a while see the guys will like lie to you because well they're used
to it.
But I'm not bitter.
And they don't need to do that.
Men think that they have to do that and they just don't need to all the time.
Okay but I also read in the survey that women fantasize about romantic kinky stranger things
with the person that they're in love with.
What's going on here?
Yeah little bottles of shampoo from hotel rooms really turn me on because when you're
married for 11 years that's what you have to do.
No sex is as good at home as it is away.
You have to pretend that your husband is a stranger.
I don't think about Fabio ever.
I come right out with that.
What is this story?
I don't like anybody who has better hair than I have.
I often get used to those shampoo bottles.
But they do need to jazz it up.
I mean I think when couples have been together for a long time.
I mean one of the things my boyfriend and I do is just spend several days apart because
we have separate homes and then the excitement builds up again.
Okay people talk about the best sex and the worst sex.
We didn't ask you what the worst was.
Anybody want to share a worst sex story?
The worst sex is like with myself when I get bored and I go to sleep.
Or maybe like when they make funny little animal noises and you just really can't get
into it because you think God I wish I taped this to sell to him.
My worst sex has always involved body odors that I noticed during the act.
Yours or theirs?
Theirs of course.
How do you make it better?
How do aside from staying apart for a while and coming back together.
How do we make it more romantic and more wonderful every time?
You ask their last name.
You take vacations like she said.
More romance.
More romance.
And I think this is one place where women have to get into the romance area.
We're used to being romanced.
And I think women have to.
One of the things I've done is make special music tapes that my boyfriend and I like and
have those on at certain times.
And I think women have to start setting the stage.
So we've moved beyond the saran wrap wrapping yourself into things that are more romantic.
Yeah but not the garter tape.
The garter tape.
Well don't use polyester.
My bad.
But they actually, I just forgot what I was going to say.
I was just looking at all these cute guys in the audience and I kind of forgot where
I was.
It's okay.
But special things, by making it special on our own, I used to think well maybe if a guy
is going to come I shouldn't have too frilly of sheets or anything like that.
And then a woman told me once that men like kind of frilly things because it makes them
feel kind of wicked.
Yeah not in their bedroom.
Not in theirs.
Not in your bedroom.
In your bedroom they kind of like to snuggle up in there.
Okay we've got more.
Okay tell me about this.
Mel Gibson, Denzel Washington and Katie Lang.
What do all of these celebrities have in common?
You're going to find out when we come back.
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Today, Real Women are talking back to the latest sex survey conducted by Complete Woman Magazine.
Bonnie Krueger is editor-in-chief of the magazine and therapist Carolyn Bouchon helped complete the survey.
Comedian Carrie Snow, humorist Kathy Crimmins and writer Autumn Stevens say that the results may be a little skewy.
Okay, sexual fantasies. Joey, show us who we say we have fantasies about.
The Real Women say number 10 is Garth Brooks, 9 is Prince, 8 is Katie Lang.
And these are women. These are women. These are women. Katie Lang has been constant craving.
That's right. What's going on here?
I mean, okay, in your survey, what percentage of the women have fantasies involving other women?
21%.
Yes.
Now, these are all heterosexual women. They've all said we are heterosexual women.
And some of the women said, I don't know why I have these fantasies. I would never act on them. It confuses me.
And what it's about, I mean, I assume that...
Help me, please.
I'm a German shepherd.
Yes. What it's about is that a lot of women are with very macho, chauvinistic kind of men, and they can't imagine having soft, warm sex with their mates.
So when they fantasize about soft, warm, touching sex, all they can think of is doing that with a woman.
Is this a castration fantasy, then?
Some of them are castration fantasies. Some of them have to do with a woman being so angry at men in her life that at least in her fantasies, she doesn't have to deal with them.
That's right.
They identify themselves as heterosexual.
Yes.
But they're fantasizing about something else.
They're fantasizing about just women, or they're fantasizing about women and men, group sex.
It's a fantasy.
And sometimes, in fact, a couple of them have to do with the woman saying, I would like to see my boyfriend watch me handle a gorgeous blonde in a bar.
See, that makes me kind of feel like I want to take a shower right now.
Do you think that this is accurate for the real women that you know 21%?
It seems high to me, but maybe I'm just hopelessly heterosexual.
Nice alliteration. I like that about you.
I don't think so, and I don't think Floyd would say so.
I think Floyd would say that his whole polymorphous publicity, I can allure it, too. I can't say it, but I can do it.
That everyone has those tendencies, and you just are sort of more towards one end or another end of a continuum.
Okay, let's look at the rest of the celebrity list and see who else they were fantasizing about.
That's Gee Joey. Seven was Julio Iglesias.
Six was Patrick Swayze.
Five was Denzel Washington.
Four was Billy Ray Cyrus.
I guess I just wanted to man his achy breaky heart.
Three was Mel Gibson.
Two was Mickey Warke.
You like Mickey Warke?
Yes, I do.
Do you ever fantasize about him?
I do. When he was a nine and a half weeks.
Oh, it's the nine and a half weeks that they're fantasizing about.
And one was Michael Bolton.
Oh, now I know that he's bogus.
Michael Bolton is gross, and he cares about his own hair much too much.
We had the best fantasy about Michael Bolton that came in.
We didn't print it because it was too long, and I'm not going to read it because it was too long, but this woman who was a hairdresser in Connecticut, that's all we had about her, wrote this.
I didn't edit a word out of it. She did it so beautifully. They went into a restaurant. She went into the bathroom.
She picked his hair.
She comes back to the table. Michael isn't there.
She trim all his icky ends off of his hair.
No, she thinks her hair. She's sitting at the table. She can't find Michael, and she feels something under the table.
And she goes detail by detail, very, very seductively about him touching her legs and her arms.
And moving up anyway, but I'm not a bad guy.
But I have to tell you the climax of the story. I know you wouldn't like that. No.
I have to tell you, she is sitting there, and she is finished, so to speak, and she looks around the room looking for Michael again, and he's sitting over there smiling with those steely blue eyes or whatever knowingly.
Oh. I just kind of got to chill though.
You know what? I want a guy to know what he's done.
I know. I pulled that one out, and I called all my girlfriends and read it to everyone. Turned it to everyone of them on.
Okay, well who would it be, Carrie, instead of Michael Bolton for you?
I don't really conjure up celebrities. I just, you know, mine's more reality based, sort of a greatest hits kind of a thing.
But I do have a friend who many years ago was with two straight guys in a hot tub.
And it's never really been able to leave. Well, I don't even think her circuits really have plugged back in. You know what I mean?
She was a really smart girl, and she just sort of wanders around aimlessly now.
A lot of women fantasized about that.
Yeah, you had a question.
Yeah, you had a question.
It wasn't really a question. It was about the orgasm. The reason a lot of women fake orgasm is because men fake foreplay.
Oh. Good point.
Jennifer, please.
I was just wondering about the use of music in the act and whether it's generally favorable or unfavorable or just some of your opinions.
I think it's nice, but I don't think you should sing along.
Did you get anybody talking about setting the mood with music or what have you?
Somewhat, but we had more questions like what sexual toys do you use?
Okay, we're going to talk about those things and the ways women light his fire and keep the fire hot right when we come back.
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We're talking back to sex surveys and we found out from the sex survey what women use to turn on their men.
Joey, if you can show me that it's Jay.
Other techniques women use to turn on their lovers, 30% stimulate him by stroking or touching,
21% stimulate a man by kissing and 14% by talking dirty.
This is interesting because they always ask the women what they do for men.
You can't miss the show tomorrow because we're going to have the men talking back to the sex surveys.
I'm always interested in knowing what the women do for themselves to turn themselves on or the men do to turn on.
In your survey you asked a very interesting question.
It's Kay for me, Joey.
What percentage of women watch sex videos?
67% said they watch my sex videos.
That seemed high to me. Was that a surprise to you?
It wasn't until the beginning that they listed them.
Many of our readers prefer the soft porn kind of stuff. It's like nine and a half weeks.
I told people it took nine and a half minutes.
What did they show on television?
When you look at what they said, what they wrote in was they wished there were more soft porn.
They don't like the really hard core.
My very best friend had her favorite part of nine and a half weeks when he told her she didn't have to cook or clean or do housework.
She moaned audibly in a movie theater.
My husband likes them and I find them really boring because the men are really ugly.
They're cats for their penises and then they come attached to them.
Why didn't you say the P word?
They're not very choosy when they pick the men.
They're not choosy when they pick the men?
You don't want the icky men watching you.
You look like normal middle America. How many of these have you seen?
I've seen maybe a dozen or so.
How many do you own?
Do you own them?
No, but there's one that I want to that I heard about that was produced by a woman in Northern California.
She's a little bit older like me and a little bit younger like I like.
I think he's naked and there's a tool belt involved.
I heard it was really nice though.
They made it sort of on a lark and it's gotten a lot of play.
I want to buy it and if the person is out there watching, I would be your spokesmodel for the video.
I've heard that gay porno is much nicer for straight women because the men are better looking in the porno films.
But they like each other better and you're all dressed up and no place to go.
I think women like to see women in the films and if it's just two guys, how are you going to get into that?
On the other hand, you don't want to see a film with a woman who has a better body than you.
I don't know who these 67% of these women are, but I hope I don't know.
By the way, a lot of the women enjoyed watching Women Together 2, which was surprising and ties in with the fantasy part that we talked about.
Settle down.
The percentage who said that they watched them, did you ask them how often?
No, we didn't ask them.
We were just wondering what type of readership this magazine caters to.
These questions and results are kind of weird.
How do you mean weird?
Excuse me, I think one of the things is that our reader is a little bit older.
She is 29 years old.
She comes from all walks of life.
Because we were a print survey, we are a print survey, a lot of times people feel they're a little freer in expressing some things that they might not if you have a mic in front of you.
And I think that was kind of the response.
Sometimes it's interesting to see what happens.
I think some women even used it to brag.
To brag, right.
You get the feeling that they were like, you bet I'm going to...
Do you think they're fantasized?
I think somewhat.
I can't agree with the results.
Like which one?
In particular.
Okay, about the orgasms that they're faking, do you think that most of them are?
That one wasn't too bad, but one of the first...
Okay, about fantasizing about other women, do you think they're...
I think they're high.
I don't know.
21% you think it's high?
Yeah.
Another real woman.
It's kind of out there, but what kind of readers do you have?
It's a good question.
They come from all walks of life and again they are older.
They're women, they're not girls.
And many of the surveys that you look at are younger girls.
They're like 18 to 24 and our woman is a lot older.
We have a lot of divorced readers, maybe 45% or higher.
And again when we asked about the fantasy and the woman fantasy, it was 21%,
but they didn't say they were doing it all the time.
They maybe, one, maybe the man broke up with them.
Maybe she hates men, you know, and it's one.
Okay, if you could change one thing about your sex life, what would it be?
The results will surprise you.
We're going to talk about it in a bit.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
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We'll bring you on the show tomorrow on the Bertice Barry Show.
Okay, the real women are responding to the sex survey.
Carol Newt said you had another reason why it may seem skewed.
These are women, like she and I were discussing, women who were wanting to talk about cooking or cooks would respond to a cooking survey.
These are women who are focused on sex.
Sex is very, very important to them.
In fact, one of the shocking things to me was the masturbation issue, which we're not going to really talk about today.
My computer lady called me and said, how far do we go with this?
Some women are saying they masturbate five times a day, and I'm like, get a life.
Oh, the issue that we're not going to talk about today.
I hope their life interferes with that.