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Live with Regis and Kathy Lee, weekdays at noon.
From New York, the handyman's dream.
It's Late Night with David Letterman.
Tonight, Isabella Rossellini, Fred Willard and singer Roddy Frame from Aztec Camera.
Plus Paul Schaeffer and the world's most dangerous band.
And now, a man who makes wallets for friends around the holidays.
David Letterman.
We're going to begin the show tonight.
We're going to do a little special material because it is the holidays.
Paul, that rock and roll Christmas song we've been working on.
Here we go.
One, two.
Thank you.
You know, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to what many people feel is the longest hour in television.
I'm exhausted.
I'm just exhausted.
I don't know what to do.
I'm just, I'm literally just completely worn out.
I spent the entire weekend on the phone trying to talk some sense into Corey Feldman.
How do you do?
We'll be done in an hour, ma'am.
You know, I'm telling you something, the economy, I guess we're in a recession, Paul.
I guess so, Dave.
That's undeniable.
And pre-Christmas business here in Manhattan, here in New York City, has been so bad that
they've already started to put up their shoplifters welcome signs in the stores.
Well, good news.
Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, the madman of the Persian Gulf, has now released all hostages.
Everyone now, the human shields, thank God, are free to come home.
He did, however, say that...
Was that Salman Rushdie up there?
In like a phony beard?
I think there is, there is.
Saddam, however, did say that if any of the hostages wanted to remain, that they would
get free HBO.
So, I don't know.
Whoa.
Hey, is this a show or what?
Let me explain to you who's on the big show tonight.
Fred Willard.
Man, is this guy funny.
Fred Willard is on the program.
The longest 60 minutes on television.
No, no.
Also on the program, Aztec Camera.
Yes, a fabulous...
It's Roddy Frame, actually.
Exactly.
Singer of Aztec Camera.
Roddy, Roddy Frame.
Roddy Frame.
Yeah.
From Aztec Camera.
Fabulously talented.
Division of Polaroid.
Young chap.
Well, yeah.
And, now you're right, you're saying to yourself, geez, that's plenty.
That's plenty show for me, Dave.
Thank you very much.
We've had a plate full of entertainment here tonight.
Well, we're not finished.
Isabella Rossellini is on the program.
Oh, the Fred Paul Schaefer is right over here, Paul.
Hi, Rod.
Thank you very much.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
Very nice to see you.
How are you?
David.
How are you?
Where are you going, David?
I'm just checking to see if this is actual.
No, it's not.
I don't know.
It should have kind of a piney scent to it.
It usually would, yeah.
Is there any scent to it?
No, no scent whatsoever.
No, it smells rented.
Probably is, then.
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you.
How was your week off?
Oh, I had a lovely time.
Yeah?
As you know, last night I hosted that Nutty Billboards...
Oh, the big billboard award show there in Fox.
...award show, yeah.
Yeah.
How did that work?
Some of you saw it.
Thank you so much.
Let me ask you a question.
Did you get paid first?
Why do you ask that?
Well, because it's Fox.
You never know.
Oh, wow.
Did they come to your dressing room and count out the dough?
I haven't actually spoken to my business manager yet.
I better get him on the phone.
Yeah.
And who won the big billboard awards?
Oh, there were a lot of big winners.
Janet Jackson cleaned up and won about a thousand trophies.
Right.
MC Hammer, you know, Wilson Phillips, Nelson, Belle Biv DeVaux, all these people performed.
Right.
And it was a, you know, cute little show.
I co-hosted it with Morris Day from the time.
Hey, it's funny, isn't it?
Nice guy.
He's a lovely chap.
Yeah, yeah.
Lovely chap.
Now, Paul, when you're talking to Belle Biv DeVaux...
Yeah?
How does that conversation go exactly?
What are you getting at?
I don't know.
You don't talk about fishing, do you?
Or do you?
They stand like this, these guys.
And one hand is in a mysterious place down here all the time.
I don't know why.
Yeah, fishing.
And they speak about fish.
Yeah.
Yeah, the old...
That's my college fishing, yeah.
Of course.
Now, let me ask you this.
How did you spend your week off?
I don't remember.
Now, you know, I got my Christmas gift from NBC, and I just want to take a second here
to say something about the Christmas gifts from NBC.
In the past, frankly, they have been really what I think as uncaring, unthoughtful, cheap
pieces of crap.
Yes, you've mentioned this.
General Electric owns NBC, and they give them...they allot for them, I don't know how much money
to give everybody a gift.
And since General Electric took over, the gifts have been horrible.
One year, we got the NBC coaster.
Honest to God.
It was like...we had to call around to find out what it was.
It was a coaster.
And then another year from the NBC, the Christmas gift, we got the NBC glass box.
Yeah.
Which was the companion piece to the coaster.
Coaster.
And then one year, it was, I don't know, thumbtacks and gum.
I don't know.
Whatever it was.
And I would come on here and complain about it.
And believe me, it wasn't the cost of the gift.
It wasn't the expense involved.
I just was insulted because it was such just a dinky, stupid gift.
Like, I'm a 43-year-old man.
You're going to give me a coaster?
Come on.
You're talking about previous years.
Yeah.
Every year up until this year.
Up until this year.
But again, it wasn't the value.
I just thought how just dumb was this.
This year, I get back from California, and there's a package waiting for me at my house.
A gift from NBC, the three people.
Brandon...
Brandon whatever.
Brandon Tartacan.
You know that.
I've seen him.
Brandon Tartacan.
Who else?
Warren who?
Warren Littlefield.
Oh, this guy's a programming genius.
And...
You're being sincere, of course, when you say that.
And Susan...
Kathleen.
Kathleen Tucci.
Tucci?
Yeah, Tucci.
Yeah.
And they're the people who give the gifts over here.
They gave me a lovely sweater.
Really?
Really.
Yes.
That's nice.
I want to tell you something.
I was very, very happy.
Uh-huh.
And I'll use it.
It's something I'll use.
It's something I'll wear.
It's great.
I couldn't be happier.
That's lovely.
Yeah.
So?
Well, no, I'm just saying so it's about time.
So the network has come through for you.
Yes, exactly.
That was my point.
Of course.
Yeah.
Now, the other thing is this boxing thing with HBO and Mike Tyson.
Don't bother us with that again.
Did you see that?
No.
Don't bother us with that again.
Did you see that fight?
They ran the fight.
Yeah, it lasts less than one round.
If you're going to have fights like that, just do it in the gym.
And then when they're over, call in the results to the paper.
But don't get a four million billion dollar deal so we have to watch that crap.
Yeah.
Hey, Hal, are they lighting the tree down there or not?
Yeah.
This is the, let's see, what year is this?
They lighted a big tree down there.
This is the 60th year.
You know, it's the what year?
58th year.
Thanks.
Thank you, kids.
Hal, let's see the tree down there.
And they do this every year.
And it's a big tourist attraction.
And by gosh, you know, they're getting ready to light it.
It's a 75 foot Norway spruce.
This tree is 60 years old.
And they cut it down for three weeks of tourist enjoyment.
Here's smart management of the ecology, huh?
Cut it down.
Oil up the chainsaw and go.
It's from West Norwalk, Connecticut.
Geez, I know that tree.
The tree weighs four and a half tons.
We have 20,000 lights strung on the tree.
And this will be the crowning jewel of the Christmas.
I think they're running out of it.
All right, Hal.
All right, here we go.
Let's now enjoy the 58th lighting of the Christmas tree.
There it is now.
Let's join our young friends, the New York City Schools,
to light the 50th Rock
1, 2, 3.
Let's do our top ten list and then begin the big damn show.
Okay, sounds good to me.
But no, Mike Tyson shouldn't be having those fights.
What do you mean?
Fight a regular guy who can fight, who can go the distance,
eight or nine rounds, and then we'll pay to see that.
But don't knock a guy out in 42 seconds
and then expect to be paid millions and millions of dollars.
I know what you mean.
I've knocked guys out like that.
I don't put it on TV.
I knocked Morty out once up in the office.
Boom.
He went down like a bag of dirty clothes.
Also, here's a television programming tip for you viewers.
MacGyver, the popular show over there on ABC.
MacGyver, I watched it last night.
They're actually now using old dragnet scripts.
Absolutely true.
Why do you say that?
Because last night it was a show about some Christmas show
and it was the same story as they used on dragnet like 20 years ago.
So I only hope that they're paying them.
I see.
But you know, I see Jack Webb rolling over in his grave.
MacGyver over there on ABC, those big shots in second place,
those big second place big shots, they're using...
You're being entertained.
That's how much they care about you.
You're being entertained with old dragnet script.
Let's see, the category tonight,
top ten government euphemisms for a recession.
We're in a recession.
For example, adjustment downward.
That's what they would say.
That would be a euphemism for the recession.
They won't say the actual word recession.
Yeah, they want you to feel better about it.
They don't want you to dwell on what recession might actually mean to you.
So they use other words.
Euphemism, yeah.
Euphemism, I see.
Something that takes the edge off the actual problem at hand.
These would be the top ten euphemisms that they would use.
Look, I have ten right here.
Great.
Top ten government euphemisms for a recession.
Number ten, lifestyle downscaling opportunity.
Number nine, our little problem.
Number eight, the ugly stupid cousin of robust growth.
Number seven, something for you 30s nostalgia buffs.
Number six, cheap meat eating days.
Number five, a treat for our bankruptcy lawyer friends.
Number four, a good time to switch to RC Cola.
Number three, still a hell of a lot better than any country in South America, pal.
Excuse me.
Number two, the national bummer.
I interned there when I was in college.
You did?
Yeah, I was a journalism student.
Oh, was it there?
Yeah, I got an internship with the national bummer.
It was fun.
And the number one government euphemism for a recession, it's crazy dollar days.
Okay, hi.
How are you?
Sneak right in there.
We have to do a commercial and then we'll be right back to do the eye testing.
So come on back.
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Thank you very much.
You see this?
It's a Christmas decoration.
It's beautiful.
It looks nice, doesn't it?
Doesn't it make you feel good to be here?
It puts me in a holiday mood.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
It's a lovely, lovely time of year.
It's the most wonderful time of year, if I may say.
Do you have a song for that?
No, I don't.
All right.
Now, here are the fights I'll go see.
I'll go see George Foreman and the
what's his name, Evander Hollifield.
Yeah.
I'll go see that one.
That would be a good one.
I'll see Tyson Hollifield.
You would see that.
I'll see Tyson Foreman, or I'll see all three of them fight.
But I'm not going to go see Tyson fight Bobby Evans.
You know, I'm not going to go do that.
I know what you mean.
Because it's just, oh, it's over.
Over, yeah.
Yeah, there you go.
And that's true.
The MacGyver script, they did an old dragnet.
I swear to God it's true.
Absolutely true.
At any time did MacGyver say, just the facts, man?
I don't know.
Let's bring out this lovely young lady.
I would love to see this.
As the model for Lancome, our first guest has one of the most famous faces in the entire
world.
Her films include Cousins, Blue Velvet, and most recently Wild at Heart.
Ladies and gentlemen, here she is once again, Isabella Raffocellini.
How are you?
I'm fine, and you?
Oh, I'm great.
You look terrific.
You have a different haircut since we last saw you, don't you?
I'm all made up because I come from work.
Yeah, what were you doing?
What is work for you?
What is a tough day for you?
Today wasn't particularly tough, but I did some photo for Lancome for a campaign that
will appear a year from now.
Is it just your face?
Is it all of you?
What is it exactly?
Mostly it's my face.
I'm up to here.
Very seldom they photograph me.
And these will appear in magazines, on billboards?
Mostly magazines.
I probably won't see you on a bus, I would guess.
And is it fatiguing work?
Sometimes it is, you know.
Sometimes it is.
I don't know what makes it fatiguing because mostly when, but you know people touch you
all the time.
Oh yeah.
That wears me out.
Two hours before we put in makeup they touch me.
Two or three people touch me, I need a nap.
But anyway, geez, you look great.
I think your little short haircut there is very, very cute.
They're longer.
They're not?
They're longer?
Yes.
Longer than the last time I saw you?
Probably.
No.
I don't know.
When were you in Russia?
I came back about six weeks ago.
I was there July, August, September, part of October.
And the reason you were in, was this in Moscow?
I went in, it was, yes, to do a film.
It was a film, it's called, well right now it's called The Siege of Venice.
The City of Venice?
No, The Siege of Venice.
Oh, The Siege of Venice.
But they might change the title because it sounds like a war film, but it isn't a war
film.
Oh, I see.
I know this is naive and silly, but why didn't they shoot this in Venice?
Well, the reason is that I think it costs less to reconstruct Venice in Moscow than
France.
Wow.
They rebuilt the canal, the palaces.
On a big scale?
On a big scale.
We had three canals.
We had two gondolas, three gondolas to create the traffic with the extras.
We had to bring the gondolier because it's very difficult to roll a gondola.
And so when we went, I mean it sounded very strange.
I mean when I accepted the film a year ago, I thought I was going to spend some time in
Venice.
Yeah, that would have been, I think that's a safe guess.
It took a strange turn.
Now how did this happen?
Who is sponsoring the production?
Is this an Italian production, a Russian production?
Italian, French, Russian production, and the Russians since, you know, I guess they don't
have much cash or nobody really wants the rubles.
They offered food, they don't have much either.
And hotel.
They tried to lure you with Russian food?
Turnips aplenty.
Potatoes.
They're gold and there is always kachos and always boils.
And what is the status of the Russian filmmaking community?
Do they make good films?
Do they make a lot of films?
You know, in such a time, they have an enormous studio called Moss Film where we built Venice.
And but you know, it was extraordinary because we bought the lumber, but the lumber was stolen.
So they had the lumber to build it.
So the architect who is a very eccentric Italian architect, they did a lot of old films.
So he's one of these, you know, they know how to make do about everything.
Bought a forest near Moscow, chopped the forest down himself and brought the lumber.
Whenever he needed a tree, he brought a tree in to the studio and built the scaffold in
for the big Venice.
But then they don't have screws.
So everything was done with nails.
Then when it was time to paint Venice, they only have two or three choices of colors.
But to the eye, was it a pretty good job that they did?
Incredible.
I saw the film and it looks incredible.
It's extraordinary.
The miracle of lies, you know, that you can create in films.
Did you have fun while you were there in your off time?
Not really.
Really?
Really, it isn't anything to do.
I mean, I always wanted to work.
And most of the time when I didn't work, I went and just helped building Venice do anything.
Oh, you were helping out.
It was so boring.
And did you have your family there with you at all?
No, my daughter came for about 10 days.
Then she came here and then she refused to come back.
Was that desperate for her?
Yes, she was bored.
We were all pretty bored.
But you know, when you have to work, you don't expect.
Was it a good experience?
You think about it?
I'm glad I did it.
I don't know yet.
You know, they all say it's a good life experience.
I'm waiting for it.
We have to do a commercial here and then we'll come back and continue talking with you.
We'll be back.
We'll talk about our own life.
Journey to the center of the earth.
Far underground arm.
Why do you do this?
You can't explain the experience you get coming into a cabin.
This usually never seems.
There's no chance that this stuff cave in and tops us and kills us all over.
So the name for what you do is cave explorer or spewunk.
I've been scared now.
I've been very scared in a few caves.
If you can have a light, you lose your sense of direction.
What is the ultimate in caving?
To discover a new cabin.
Oh my gosh.
That's a long way down.
Light check.
Check.
Thank you.
Hello.
Do you know I'm The live forget the
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Welcome back to our program Aztec Camera. You know about these guys? You know their music?
No. You can hear me all right though, huh? Fred Willard will also be on the program. You
know Fred. You know where Fred's work. Yeah, of course you do. Now when you
do this Lancome stuff, you get to go to Paris. That must be great fun, eh?
No, that I like a lot. I go to Paris every month. And just run down for me now
the line of Lancome stuff. What do they have? Is it a lot of stuff? Is it a lot of stuff?
A lot of stuff. Like do they have lipstick? They have lipstick, mascara, powder, cream.
You're telling me you have trouble with the powder. You break out or something, right?
I'm always trying to put in trouble with Lancome. I'm resisting.
How about the holidays? And your daughter, how old, you said she's seven? She's seven years old now.
She must just be wild for Christmas or not? Yeah, she is. She's getting older and
wiser. Santa Claus. Yeah, she doesn't really believe. She's always suspicious.
That's most of the time. Do you reassure her or do you just kind of
let her figure things out on her own? No, last year I had to convince, actually she
was convinced still last year. I hope she doesn't see this program. This is my end.
I have to do the vet this year too. But my nephew is a year older than her.
Last year it was convinced that Santa Claus didn't exist.
It was absolutely fake and all that. So I tried to cheat him to convince him that
Santa Claus in fact existed. So I had two Santa Claus. The first one that came home
had a beard made of cotton and it was just dressed with my clothes. Anything
that was red was gone. That's kind of a raggedy version of Santa Claus. Not a great look at.
And was somebody that he knew very well so he came and he laughed and then he
was laughing and saying I knew that Santa Claus didn't exist. The real Santa
Claus came. An actor with the perfect costume, the perfect beard. So after the kid
thinks there is no Santa Claus, the real one shows up. Wow! What the hell did that cost you?
So now that was you did that for your daughter or for your nephew?
For my nephew. Now was the daughter around for this or are you gonna have to do the same kind of thing?
No, she was around. She was still convinced but see he was going around to all the
smaller children in the house saying oh Santa Claus don't be naive.
So that's why I played a terrible trick to him. You know it's great to see you again.
I'm glad you can come here. What are you gonna do for Christmas? Do you have
something exciting planned? I'm planning. I have to find out again. You know the
Santa Claus thing is still intriguing me. I don't know. It's still a challenge this year.
So there's some question in your mind as well. And do you have a gift
that you're interested in receiving or a gift you would like to give something
special either way? Oh I never... hey well actually yes. I've asked. I always want
this very expensive thing so nobody gives them to me. I have to go and buy them for myself.
I want the television that you see all the different cassettes from Europe.
It's called the multi-system. That's the one I want.
But don't you get you like a big dish, a big satellite dish and that comes all over?
No, no. I want to see tapes of old films and stuff like that.
So it's not compatible with the American? No it's not. It's terrible.
I want the television and people. And the people on your list? A lot of face
powder probably going out. A lot of my friends want cosmetic. You know I'm always
trying to think you know original gifts and then they're always disappointed if
I don't give them a whole line of black gold. That's what they want. I'll take that.
I'll take that. That'll be fine. Don't knock yourself out on my list. Listen...