["Late Night with Conan O'Brien"]
From NBC Studios in New York, it's Late Night with Conan O'Brien!
Tonight, Sid Caesar,
Abathas Soren,
and comedian Tom Agnes,
with Andy Richter and the Max Weinberg Seven!
I think of Conan like a son,
and Andy like a friend of a son.
Now, here's your host, Conan O'Brien!
["Late Night with Conan O'Brien"]
Thank you!
Very nice of you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, bless you. All right.
Now, let's get to work.
Now, there's too much work to do.
I can tell you people are excited.
I can tell you people are excited because Clinton is on a real roll lately, aren't you?
That's why you're so excited tonight.
I can tell. That's what it is.
I've been in show business a long time.
No, Clinton, come on, Clinton is on a roll.
He got NAFTA passed, right?
He's had this really successful summit with the Pacific Rim countries.
Yesterday, he intervened. He settled the American Airlines strike.
All this stuff.
I guess what I'm trying to say is,
I have no jokes about him tonight.
You see, it's very hard to make jokes about a politician when he's doing well.
You know, it's just not that funny.
So tonight, I'm just going to make fun of Dan Quayle.
Gosh, was that guy dumb?
Did you hear they just opened up the Dan Quayle Library?
You should see the card catalog.
It's divided into two sections, Marvel and DC.
Now, forget it.
I can't do that. No, it's not going to work.
I've got to go back to Clinton.
That was a cheat. I can't do it.
But come on, seriously, Clinton's doing a great job, I think.
We have to all admit that.
He's on the cover of Rolling Stone this week.
He is. He's on. She's laughing.
He is. He's in the... Check it out. Go check it out.
He's the first president to be on the cover.
Well, actually, Lyndon Johnson appeared on the cover,
but not for being president.
He was in the Yardbirds, actually.
Oh, he was the bassist way over to the left.
I don't know if people noticed it.
But I think it's clear Clinton is really learning how to play the political game.
You know, in Washington, he's becoming a master at that.
And I know what I'm talking about because, well, I'm kind of the president of this show.
It's really... That's how I see myself, you know?
And you guys, the audience, you're like the Congress, in a way.
The band is sort of like the Supreme Court.
Max is Chief Justice. It gets complicated.
The point is, though, that I'm the president.
You guys are the Congress.
I mean, if two-thirds of you laugh, the monologue passes, right?
That's all I need is two-thirds of you.
It's a very... You know, not as much as you would think.
Now, there are two ways to achieve this.
Two ways... There are two ways to make...
Possibly make you people laugh.
One is with a very funny joke.
Very difficult. Really not my area.
Now... Thank you. Thank you.
Why did Adam use them so much?
The second is to lobby for your support on a joke before the show.
All right? Talk to you. State my case. Offer favors.
Actually, we have some tape of me doing that very thing earlier tonight.
Let's take a look.
And so I say that Bill Clinton's on the cover of Rolling Stone.
And then I say actually Lyndon Johnson was also once on the cover of Rolling Stone.
But not because he was president, because he was in the group the Yardbirds.
Yardbirds?
It's a 60s group, like a rock and roll group from the 60s.
So the... You know, I think it's funny because you would never...
You know, Lyndon Johnson wouldn't be in a rock and roll group.
I mean, that's pretty much the reason it's funny.
So I mean, you'll laugh at that joke?
Yeah, sure. I can laugh at that.
Okay, great. Listen, thank you very much. I really appreciate this and I won't forget it.
Sure.
Can I talk to you just for a second?
Sure.
I do a joke and Bill Clinton, you know, is on the cover of Rolling Stone.
And I say Lyndon Johnson was also on the cover, but because he's in the Yard...
Are you familiar with the Yardbirds?
Not really.
It's a group, it's like a 60s...
I work very hard, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much.
We have a swell show tonight. Sid Caesar is here. It's a real pleasure to have you.
Yeah.
And from MTV, Tabitha Sorin is here.
Yes.
And we have a very funny comedian with us. Tom Agner is going to be here. He's going to perform for us.
It's a very good show.
And of course, as always, the Max Weinberg Seven.
Good boy. Thank you very much.
Andy, how are you? How are you doing?
Oh, I'm just getting ready, starting my pre-binge frenzy that is Thanksgiving.
I just start thinking about stuffing and turkey and by the time that the day actually comes around,
my family has to stay in a different room while the food is spread out.
Food is flying around. You have to see Carboload for that day, I think.
Yeah, I do.
Not many people do that.
I start out with a base of Fluffer Nutter sandwiches.
You're a very sick man. You need a lot of help.
Well, thank you for telling me.
Andy, I think as always, we haven't done this for a little bit, and it's nice to sit here and chat away the evening.
Oh, tell me about it.
But I think we should, it's time that we looked at last night's show and you helped me out a little bit.
Yeah, I actually think it would be a good idea.
All right. Now, as I've mentioned to some of you people before, every night I study tapes of the previous night's show
so as to better serve the network that gave me this great break.
And Andy, you always critique me, you help me, you point out things.
And tonight we're going to look at my interview with René Aubert-Junois, who we had on the show last night.
And Andy, I thought it went pretty well. I think I've ironed out all the kinks.
I think he seemed to have a good time. I was relaxed.
Right. A little too relaxed, I think. Let's take a look, if we could.
Okay. So were the Deep Space Nine fans as enthusiastic as the Star Trek fans?
I see. I got the question right out. He seems interested. He's on, I don't know, I thought this went very well.
It was a very comfortable interview. I mean, you've lost most of your tics, but I think a new one started.
Oh, you think the itching thing was?
Yeah, I mean, it started out, you know, we cut away from it, but then we cut back and it just got a little bigger, you know.
Yeah, I didn't think it was that noticeable.
I didn't think people would really, you know, his anecdote was pretty interesting. I thought most people were looking at that.
Yeah, but I mean, loosening your tie is pretty much a talk show host's no-no.
Right.
As is scratching yourself like a dog.
Right.
And that's something I...
Accessorizing your scratching is probably not a bad, very good idea either.
I was very glad that I had a back scratch there. I tend to keep those under the desk in case something like this happens.
Yeah, I realize that.
But, um, Renee obviously, you know, like you said, he's very polite.
But some of these, bringing the stagehands out, I don't know.
Andy, we pay these people good money, I thought. Why not bring them out and have them come?
I know, but there was a union rep on the floor who was ejected.
I see.
And, um, what? I didn't notice this before.
No, I think that...
No, I think it had something to do with...
With those bonkers ants.
I don't know what his problem was.
Sometimes guests just bring bottles of ants.
Yeah, I know.
I've always wondered what those are about.
I don't know either.
We'll work on that. Thank you.
Alright, we'll be right back with Sid Caesar.
Even the safety of driver and passenger airbags.
This stuff of dreams?
Not anymore.
Like it?
Loved it.
The new Grand Prix Sport Coupe.
Levi's new spitting jeans.
A loose interpretation of the original.
Arch Rival. It's a game with an arch. Air grow the name. Arch Rival.
Games have rules, this is ours.
These go in there. When the arch falls, you lose.
When you win, it's more like the arc de triomphe.
But you don't have to travel to France to play with an arch.
You simply must journey to the happy land of steady handed, tense bodies, balancing fun.
Arch Rival.
Excuse me, can you stop and show me what kind of batteries you have in there?
Sure.
Dura-Sav.
Is there a reason for that?
Yeah, they last long.
Oh yeah, really?
Yeah, I have one other question for you.
Well, I gotta go.
Why do they last so long?
Dura-Sav. No other battery lasts longer.
Oxygen.
If I am what I eat, I'd like to be a Nature Valley granola bar.
You know, a true original.
Basic, wholesome, rough around the edges, but slightly sweet.
Sometimes loud, and oh, always totally irresistible.
Yeah, I'd be a Nature Valley granola bar, alright.
And people everywhere could think of me as the candy bar nature intended.
We're back.
Mel Brooks.
Mel Brooks once called my next guest the greatest comic genius of America.
Let's take a look at an excerpt from one of his classic routines.
Once again, gentlemen, let me say that I am not unprepared at this young age.
Now gentlemen, I've spent over five years in the United States, and I say that with my wisdom,
I'm happy to say that we have a wonderful group of incredible people,
and now our entire corporation will be involved.
We have a wonderful group of incredible people, and we're going to have a great time.
We're going to have a great time.
Please welcome the Kingpin of the Golden Age of television, Seth Jesol.
Thank you for coming.
My pleasure, my pleasure.
Do you look at those old shows much?
Not too much. I look at them when I have to.
We made you.
Yes, they did. But when we were writing the show, we never had time to look at the
chemist's go. We never had time to look at the show, because we were so busy writing
the next show, so we never had time to look at them.
I looked at them years later. That's when I found out.
It's an incredible, you've come up with that much material is an incredible...
Well, you see, not only that the show was an hour and a half, it's also that it was
not 20 weeks or 22 weeks, it was 39 weeks.
If you do 39 weeks, you start to meet yourself coming in.
Now, something that must bring you back, Neil Simon just debuted a new show,
Laughter on the 23rd Floor, which is about, pretty much, he was one of your writers,
about his experience working on that show.
It was about the writer's room.
Was it an accurate portrayal?
Oh, yeah. It was pretty much... When you come to the truth, I always base everything on
the truth, because if you believe it, you'll go with it. If you don't believe it, you won't
associate it, you won't be part of it. So he got right on it. It's a marvelous show.
It really is. The laughter, I mean, and it brought back so many memories.
How do you come across in this play? How were you portrayed?
The truth, you know, about the drinking and the pills and all the other things, and my temper.
You had a legendary temper at the time.
Oh, yeah.
Very... Well, you've been portrayed also in Joseph Bologna portrayed you in my favorite
year, and in that movie, you're a thug. You're tossing people around. I mean, it's very funny.
It's an abstraction.
I thought it was a good movie. I liked it a lot. It's a great movie.
It was my favorite year. And Joe Bologna did a hell of a job, really a good job.
And Miss Nathan Lane does a really wonderful job. I mean, it's...
But that's just based on some truth that you were very physical. You guys were a very physical bunch.
There's a story that you once got kind of angry with Mel Brooks and did something, a little rash.
Well, that was in Chicago. I was playing the Chicago Theater there. I was staying at the Parma House.
And I was doing eight, nine shows a day. If you do eight, nine shows a day, you start to get...
And I can't eat in between because I can't eat when I'm performing. So I saved all my hunger for at night.
So I came home to the Parma House, and I was sitting down, and I looked at my food, and boy, and Mel was with me.
And Mel said, No, I want to go out. I said, What? He said, I want to go out. I want to go out.
I'm going to hang around here. I just don't want to go out. I said, But I just sat down to eat. I want to go out.
I said, Well, you want to go out. Okay.
And I went over and I picked him up. I took him to the window. And I said, How far out do you want to go?
What floor are we on here? This is the...
Eighteenth.
Eighteenth floor. He decided to stay and then have some warm milk.
My brother was with me, thank God. He saved the both of us. Otherwise, the both of us would have gone out.
Now, Mel Brooks was one of... In your writing room, you had Mel Brooks...
Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Larry Gelbart, Woody Allen.
That's amazing.
They all sit in the same room.
Now, did you have any idea at the time that, say, that Woody Allen would go on and become a guy in front of the camera?
No. No, I hadn't. I mean, these men were...
Did they seem like performers to you at the time, or did they seem...
Not really, no. Not really. But I know that Woody was doing stand-up at the time, but he was also a great writer.
Mm-hmm.
He was tremendous. Excuse me.
I was so lucky to get into, you know, to have these writers come to write with me.
It was just, you know, it's like in doing history, like you take art, all of a sudden there's a cluster of great artists, you know, like Rembrandt and Van Dyke and Franz Hals and Titian.
They all came together at a certain period. The same thing with musicians, you know.
There was Haydn, all of a sudden there was Mozart, there was Beethoven. It all comes in a cluster.
Same thing with... And this happened to be just...
A great time.
We all happened to meet at the same time. It was just gold.
Now, that writing room, how much of that... How did you guys work? Did you get... Was a lot of it improvised, that sketch that we just saw where you're, you know, with the hot dog?
Was that the something that came out of improvisation?
No, that was a pickle.
Oh, was it pickle?
Yeah.
Oh.
Big mistake, big mistake.
Times of... Yeah.
I know, quite a bit.
Quality has fallen off in talk shows.
So, was something like that, would it come out of improvisation? Would you guys work together pretty much?
It was everything, you know, because we all... We would get a subject, you know, and we would take it like, let's say, I had a thing like...
I was working and I... We'd have six tickets. My boss would come over and say, I got six tickets, you know, for visiting five, and then come in and we... You want to have them?
I said, gee, that's fine, but just for tonight. It's for Snap Your Guard at tonight.
And you had to, you know, I had to get in touch with this one and that one.
And it all comes to gel because everybody pitches in. Everybody pitches, everybody pitches back.
And then we... You know, what it's on the paper, when we put it on its feet, it takes an entirely different form.
So when you... You know, it may sound good on paper, but when you put it up on its feet, you know, it's not enough language to get here.
There's not enough dialogue to get there. So you have to improvise. And by improvising and the writing, because nothing starts without the writers.
It doesn't take place if it doesn't have the writers. And when you get it up on its feet, you find different things. You find this, you find that.
It's a way of working that you use everybody's brain. Nobody went home until the show was finished.
I mean, they came to the show and they rooted their jokes in and they rooted all their ideas in.
I hear they cut out the minute my back is turned. They're just gone. They don't care.
Work it out yourself, O'Brien. We're going to have to step away for just a second. We'll have more Sid Caesar when we come back.
Hi, everybody. Dave, we're all worried. About what? You haven't ordered your holiday ham from my store.
Or the cookies I made for you. Or your turkey. Or your ragdoll. Or your fruitcake. Yeah, what gives?
Nothing. Wendy's is making a new Big Bacon Classic Combo. It's a quarter pound of fresh beef, three strips of bacon, and the works with Biggie fries and a cold drink.
So this holiday, save your appetite. And I thought you forgot my pool tart. Who could forget that?
Try Wendy's Big Bacon Classic Combo today.
Levi's loose fitting jeans. A loose interpretation of the original.
Some grown-up advice about breakfast. I don't care what your friends do. Eat. What's your hurry? You're not leaving this house.
For all you adults who rush out without breakfast, why not try something new? Two words. Blueberry.
The delicious taste of Kellogg's Blueberry Pop Tarts. Blueberries are our friends.
They're loaded with luscious blueberry flavor in every bite. It's rectangular. They weren't kidding. They're good.
Kellogg's Blueberry Pop Tarts. Real good, real fast. Like that. Someday you'll thank me.
Last year I put up so many lights, I thought airplanes would mistake the roof for a landing strip. This year, I draw the line.
Target makes holiday decorating even more fun with Mickey's Clock Shop for Mr. Christmas.
Mickey and his friends sing 21 different carols for hours of enjoyment. At Target, now just $59.99.
Last year, I thought we had a few bare spots, but 2,000 more of these should do the trick, right honey?
Hosting a talk show is a great ride. It's not always smooth. It's full of laughter and tears and disagreements and compassion.
But it's the moments of understanding when we realize, hey, we're all on this ride together.
That's when I know I have the best job in the world, because we can face all the bumps as long as we're together.
When the feeling's this close, it simply has to be Sally.
We're back. We're here with Sid Caesar. When you got your start, when you first got your start, it was really doing dialects, wasn't it?
That was a specialty of yours when you started out. Well, no, that came later when I started to do foreign movies.
You have to find different things to do. When you're doing 39 shows a year, you have to find different avenues to work on.
But when I was a kid, my father's restaurant, we had all kinds of people.
We had French, Italian, German, Russian, all kinds of people working in the restaurant.
And these were customers. In school, I would come by and I would pick up some dishes for my father and be a busboy.
They would all kind of talk to me in different languages, and they would show me curse words.
I learned them very fast to stay away from them.
And there was things like the French table, Italian table and Russian.
And I said, Monsieur, quand tu asseurs tu asseurs, tu asseurs, tu asseurs, tu asseurs, tu asseurs, tu asseurs, tu asseurs.
Then I woke up at the Italian table.
What should I do? I'm not going to applaud.
I'm not going to give him a
good time.
Right now I understand you're going to, you've got a performance you're going to do for us
tonight.
Yes.
Do you want to set it up for us?
Yes, it's about a boy going to his very, very first dance.
Now if you can remember back to your very first dance, remember that was the first time
you ever held a girl in your arms.
And the first dance was at a place in the school gym.
And all the girls were lined up against that wall, and all the boys were lined up against
this wall.
And in the middle, the middle was no man's land.
That's where the two girls danced together.
So I'd like to take you back and show you how you might have looked in pantomime at
your very, very first dance.
All right.
Now, the same boy five years later.
We'll be right back.
I don't know why, but the worse you treat your 501s, the better they look.
Don't know why everybody who wears me by his 501 jeans seems to stand in it too tall.
It's kind of a 501 mystery that never unravels.
Hi, my name is Tony and I'm a Hyundai owner.