Tonight, why is boxing great Thomas Hitman Hearns upset?
Why does football hero Lyle Alzato look so concerned?
And totally homemade videos, all with a special sports theme.
Stay tuned.
It's Totally Hidden Video.
And now, here's the host of Totally Hidden Video, Steve Scrovan.
Thank you very much.
Welcome to Totally Hidden Video.
And tonight, we have a special show devoted to sports.
We have football stars, baseball stars, Olympic stars, boxing stars, and the Laker Girls.
Alright.
Well, thank you for being here, girls.
And why don't you kick off our first segment for us?
Let's do it.
We went to Slammer's Gym, where boxing great Thomas Hearns goes to keep in shape.
This man is a new employee who's been hired to work in the outer office.
Thomas is in there getting ready to do some training.
Just basically going to have you answer the phones, take some messages.
No problem.
Maybe he'll feel differently when Hearns and his trainer come in and ask him to be a volunteer.
Let Nick wrap your hand so I can see how well Nick wrapped his hand, okay?
Because Nick is trying to get this new job.
That's right.
Our phony trainer is going to put boxing gloves on the new employee.
And he's going to tie them so that there's no way the new employee can get them off.
Which is unfortunate, since Hearns and the trainer are called out of the room suddenly.
Thomas, Nick, we need you in the ring right away.
Please hurry.
Phone, rain, answer, okay?
And you take messages and you know, take it.
Yeah, loosen one of these.
You gotta loosen one of these off.
I'll be right back, alright?
I'll be right back.
This is serious, but we gotta go.
And so he's left alone to take care of the office, which could be a little difficult
with big clumsy boxing gloves on.
He's in the way.
Oh, let's not be negative right off the bat.
We'll start off with some easy tasks.
Joe, can you hear me in there?
Yes, I can.
Listen, I need you to help me out.
I'm still finding these guys from the IRS and I need you to find a receipt for me.
There's a big stack of receipts on the desk in front of you there.
Do me a favor and find the one with Caesar's palace, please, and let me know when you got
it.
I'll try my best.
How can they do this to me?
Oh, please.
What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sorry, Joe.
I'm sorry.
Wow.
Joe, how's it coming with that Caesar's palace receipt?
It's going a little slow.
I got boxing gloves on.
I'm trying my best.
I went through every one of them.
There's no Caesar's palace here.
Okay.
In the Rolodex is the name Pinkford Associates.
If you can find that, there's a number there.
And let me know when you find that.
Check.
Tommy, I love you, but I don't know.
I'd like to give you a rise up right now.
It can't be too easy looking through a little teeny Rolodex with boxing gloves on,
but he's actually managing it.
Looks like we're gonna have to make things a little tougher.
Do me a favor and type a memo for me.
This is very important.
Dear Mr. King, please advise me of the date for the meeting as soon as possible.
Thanks for your help.
Sincerely, Al Corrin, Hearns & Associates.
Mr. Corrin, I think this is one that is gonna be impossible for me to do.
This guy's bad. I told you he can't...
I have trouble hearing you.
Just please, Mr. King, advise me of the date for the meeting as soon as possible.
Thanks for your help. Sincerely, Al Corrin, Associates.
And let me know when you're done. Thanks.
Let's get it together, Joe.
Let's look at this as a learning experience.
Tell me I can't do it.
Was there no end to this man's ingenuity?
We decided to push him to the limit.
All this sparring can really work up a man's thirst.
Joe, can you hear me?
Yes, Thomas is asking for a glass of orange juice.
Could you just pull in a glass and get it out there for him right away?
Thanks.
Oh, simple.
Oh, man, I don't want to get this on these drugs.
He'd better be careful not to spill, because Hearns might get mad.
And you don't want to get the hit man mad.
What took you so long?
You all right, man?
Having quenched his thirst, Hearns asked the new employee to fill in for the trainer and hold the punching bag.
So how you like your job, Joe?
It's kind of rough over here.
Oh, you, what, do you like your job?
Oh, I have a job, all right.
I got an important package coming.
It's a statue, okay?
It's very important.
I look, I call for all the money, okay?
Listen, so I want you to go back to the office.
When it comes, sign for it.
And after you sign for it, come back and tell me.
All right, I'll see you later.
Hmm, valuable statue.
Hope nothing happens to it.
The final round.
I have a delivery here.
For Thomas Hearns.
Correct.
You want to sign?
Yeah.
Here we go.
Okay, it's going to be a little tricky, but I think I got it.
Not as tricky as our phony delivery man, accidentally knocking over the valuable but worthless statue.
Oh!
Oh, no!
I'm sorry about that.
I'm sorry.
I can't help you.
Oh, be careful.
You won't believe what happened, Tommy.
Oh!
I told you, man!
I told you!
No!
Was Thomas upset?
Would the new employee be able to explain his way out of it?
Tommy?
Come in.
Tommy, I'm telling you, buddy, this was definitely not my fault.
I didn't even touch it.
I mean, I didn't even touch this thing, okay?
Was Thomas buying it?
Was the new employee in trouble?
Was this totally hidden video?
You're a totally hidden video.
Oh!
I am out!
We have more special guests when we come back.
Coming up, find out why these people are hiding from Lyle Alzado.
Imagine a Disneyland as big as the city of San Francisco.
A Disney world with a surprise around every corner.
43 square miles of tropical paradise.
The spectacular Disney MGM Studios theme park.
And the incredible Epcot Center.
Imagine yourself here.
Walt Disney World in Florida.
As big as imagination gets.
Conventional automotive wisdom has it that aerodynamic styling is often achieved at the expense of creature comfort.
Which brings us to the unconventional new Dodge Monaco.
One of the most aerodynamic cars on the road and the roomiest car in its class.
Japanese or American.
It lets you be a big fish in a big pond.
They went to El Salvador on a mission of love.
It took my life.
Now it's becoming a test of survival.
An all new 21 Jump Street, Monday.
You know, we all dream of hitting the ball like Kirby Puckett or slam dunking like Michael Jordan.
But as we'll see in this week's special sports home videos, it's a long, long way between the dream and the reality.
Before we see this week's totally homemade video entries, let's take a look back at some past highlights.
Remember that beautiful wedding?
You know, the one where Wayne rang the church bells with such grace.
How about that time the goose tried to goose that girl in the park?
Or the duck who seemed to know exactly where to bite that boy.
Or the treetop that didn't want to cooperate.
Ah, yes.
Those were the days and who knows what the future holds for your totally homemade videos.
This week they deal with sports.
From the backyard to the front yard and everywhere in between.
It's fun for everyone.
Ouch.
Well, almost everyone.
Turning our attention to skiing, let's see what's happening on the slopes.
Ouch.
Ooh.
Yikes.
Well, enough of these painful wipeouts.
Here's one from Tommy Thompson of Georgia, his first ski fall ever.
Doesn't look so bad and it didn't hurt him at all.
But watch what happens when he tries to retrieve his ski.
Whoops.
Say goodbye to Mr. Ski.
He's going off to shush on his own.
Let's go now to track and field.
Here's Michigan's Carl Kresge getting ready to attempt to break the world record of pole vaulting over his own two daughters.
Don't worry, no one was hurt.
But if you're ever in Michigan and a guy named Carl approaches you with a big stick, just say no.
On to baseball.
Here's one of tomorrow's stars at practice.
You are out.
Hit the showers, not the camera.
On now to a motocross race that must have been held in the Bermuda Triangle.
Watch closely as this rider goes over the jump, only to disappear into thin air.
My, oh my.
If that's not bizarre enough for you, try this skateboard incident on for size.
First, this guy's knocked over the fence.
That's not so strange, but take a look at the embarrassing result of his fall.
His pants are stuck to the top of the fence.
More proof you should listen to Mom, always wear clean underwear.
Let's get away from all of this bizarreness and relax with a nice game of horseshoes.
Well, that wraps up this totally homemade sports report, and remember, whether you're just a benchwarmer
or the next Rocky,
this cheer is for you.
Watch the girl in the black skirt very closely.
Let's see that one more time in embarrassingly slow motion.
Picking our $10,000 winner isn't going to be easy, but that's just what our judges are going to do later in the show.
And while they get to work, we'll take a break.
Tom Hanks is about to dance his way into Meg Ryan's heart.
You want to marry her? Yeah.
You want to marry him? Yes.
You'll marry him.
Joe versus the volcano rated PG.
Starts Friday, March 9th.
The cough medicine doctors recommend most contain codeine, but codeine has narcotic side effects.
If you want relief as effective as codeine without narcotic side effects, you want Vicks Formula 44.
All the relief without all of the risks.
Did you hear the one about the four lumberjacks who fit in a Dodge Dakota pickup?
Or are we stretching our credibility?
The new Dakota SE Club Cab, now available in your neck of the woods.
Call the $2,000 guaranteed at Dodge and ask about our $50 test drive.
I got just two things to say about this cereal.
Boring. It's too simple.
These days you gotta add oats or straw hay or something.
This is nothing but flakes.
Oh, all right, the taste. The taste is good.
I'm kind of shocked at something this simple. The taste is good.
You know, I think your simplicity angle will work after all.
This cereal might just make it.
It's a little bit of a bug's cornflakes.
Cornflakes? Hey, can I pick a winner or what?
Taste them again for the first time.
Lisa, you look lovely. Bart, assume the position.
Were you going to listen to rock music in Sunday school?
Maybe.
The kick is up. It's got the distance.
It's good! It's good!
I've got much to say to America's youth.
If I could just help one kid not marry, my job is done.
And all new Married with Children right after The Simpsons Sunday.
Good time, great taste
Turn the mouse back, wait for you But not for long, it's sad but true
I'll be back like my bud Cheddar cheese, sauce and grilled onions
One more time
Turn the mouse back, wait for you But not for long, it's sad but true
Don't hurry into McDonald's fast Cheddar melts here but it won't last
The Cheddar Melt Meal with Large Fries and Large Coke.
Three great tastes, one great meal. Get it now at McDonald's.
Our next video features a former All-Pro defensive lineman, Lyle Alzato.
Now Lyle's the biggest star we've ever had on this show.
Literally, he's 6'3 and weighs 280 pounds.
Now there are a couple of places you might not want to bump into Lyle unexpectedly.
Like say, his living room?
Hollywood, the dream factory.
And this vaguely familiar looking tour guide is about to take some lucky visitors on a tour through Beverly Hills to see the homes of the stars.
So, good evening folks, welcome to Custom Blanket Tours.
My name is Kevin, our driver's name is Andy, we'll be your tour guides.
And these lucky tourists don't know how lucky they're going to be because our tour guide has a surprise in store for them.
The housekeeper of Lyle Alzato's house is a good friend of mine and I'll go ask.
We might be able to actually go inside and just think of a little...
Wow, a chance to actually go inside famous footballer Lyle Alzato's house while he's out for the day.
After checking with the maid, it's time for the tourists to go see the house.
Go ahead and look around, listen, there's a picture of him with the browns.
Don't touch his helmet.
Oh, the only thing we haven't clued them in on is that this maid works for us and Lyle is going to help give these ladies a tour they won't forget.
Where are you guys from?
Boston.
The girl in the orange was smart enough to bring her video camera with her.
And of course, we were smart enough to bring ours.
Is that him when he was a baby?
Yeah, that's him when he was a baby with his brother.
This was a tourist dream come true, but it was about to turn into a nightmare when the tour guide showed up with some disastrous news.
He's home!
They'd better hide because if they're caught trespassing, there's no telling what somebody as fearsome as Lyle Alzato might do.
Luckily, our tourist is capturing the entire event on her camcorder.
Lucky for us, she gave us permission to use the astonishing footage.
He'll go upstairs.
Here, please, this is my job, you guys. You gotta help me out.
What are you doing?
Hi, how you doing, Lyle?
Lyle, how you doing?
Good.
What's up?
I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower and then you can...
While he's upstairs, might be a good time for the girls to try to escape.
Okay, I'll be down in a minute.
Okay.
It looks like the path is clear.
Marisa?
You know what, I'm gonna read the paper, relax.
You're gonna return those calls though, right?
Alright.
Luckily, her camcorder was still capturing all the action for the folks back home.
You know, I'll be down in just a minute.
Okay.
Okay, okay, cool.
Would their escape be successful this time?
Uh, you know...
Oh!
What is this?
Lyle, I'm sorry, yeah, right, these are my cousins.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Hi, how are you?
Listen, this is Sandy.
Cousins?
Well, that gets them off the hook for now.
Meanwhile, Lyle was making some other unexpected arrivals.
Oh my god, he's home.
No, listen, no.
You have to hide.
You go, you hide.
Yeah.
He's gonna go upstairs.
You hide over here.
You hide here.
Oh my god, oh my god.
Wait a minute, you guys, you gotta hide.
You gotta hide.
Listen, get down on the ground over here.
How are you today?
Fine, I'm okay.
Well, the tourists have been such good sports that it was time to get them in the huddle
and tell them what the real score was.
You know what?
Right through that mirror?
Yeah.
That's the hidden...
Camera of totally hidden video.
Of totally hidden video.
Oh my god!
Ladies and gentlemen, Lyle Alzino.
Thanks for helping us out, Lyle.
Steve, it's a pleasure to see you again.
I remember seeing you in Cleveland and now you're out here.
Hey.
What's going?
Great.
What's going well?
Good ties, lovely.
I'm sorry.
You're welcome.
We've got a special guest.
Next, we sent our cameras halfway around the world to find out if this secretary will
react when her bosses pull through the wall while working out.
And stay tuned for tonight's $10,000 totally homemade video winner.
Let's go.
I have pressure and pain in my sinuses.
I want my Sin-Aid now.
I want you to try something new.
It's stronger than your Sin-Aid tablets.
I really don't want to.
I'm happy with Sin-Aid, but I'm willing to try it.
Ada doesn't know it, but she's trying new maximum strength Sin-Aid tablets with 53% more
sinus pain medicine.
Well, I'm amazed.
I really am.
I feel fantastic.
I like to know it is.
It's new Sin-Aid.
No wonder it works so well.
You've made a trusted friend better.
New maximum strength Sin-Aid tablets, stronger than ever for better than ever relief.
Hey, Vince, want to talk to your wife?
Talk to you, home soon.
Do you hear that?
Hey, who ate the pretzels?
You always eat them all.
Yeah, honey, how about the sandwiches, huh?
Hey, but I'm out of Miracle Whip.
I fold.
I'm out.
I gotta go.
Come on, guys, where are you going?
I'm going to the zip of Miracle Whip or Miracle Whip Lite.
Not a bad love.
Conventional automotive wisdom has it that aerodynamic styling is often achieved at the
expense of creature comfort, which brings us to the unconventional new Dodge Monaco,
one of the most aerodynamic cars on the road and the roomiest car in its class, Japanese
or American.
It lets you be a big fish in a big pond.
Sunday.
Booker plans to hit the slopes, have a little fun and stay out of trouble.
Two out of three ain't bad.
An all-new Booker, Sunday.
The reporters take their hidden cameras to Japan to expose mob-controlled businesses
that import women and sell them into slavery.
And the reporters next.
Now for totally hidden video from around the world.
As we see in this clip from Dutch TV, the fitness craze has touched people everywhere.
Here at this office building in Holland, this busy executive believes in getting a lot of
exercise while he's working.
But Helga, his new secretary, is about to find out that a little exercise can go a very
long way.
Don't worry.
Our boss is safe, sound and nowhere around.
Well looks like this is going to be a light day for her.
Meanwhile, the boss was doing his workout for some other secretaries.
She was
not
very busy.
Now it's time to give away the big bucks.
Our judges have looked at this week's Totally Homemade videos, and here are their top picks.
The cheer gone wrong.
The skateboard spectator who lost his pants.
And the disappearing motocross rider.
Well, tonight's winner is the skateboard spectator who lost his pants, sent in by Steve Aikens
from Wichita, Kansas.
Congratulations, Steve.
Now, if you'd like a chance to win our $10,000 weekly prize or our $25,000 grand prize,
send your homemade videos to Totally Homemade Videos, P.O. Box 7321, North Hollywood, California,
91603.
And make sure you write your name, address, and telephone number on your tape.
Well, as Yogi Berra would say, it ain't over until it's over.
Guess what?
It's over.
And I wanna thank Lyle Elzeido, the Laker Girls, and all of our special guests.
See you next week.
Good night.
Take us home, girls.
This year's a jam for all the fellas Try to do what those ladies tell us
Get shot down cause you're overzealous Play hard to get, and females get jealous
Okay, smarty, go to a party Girls are standin' and cryin' showin' body
It took walks by, you wish you could sex her But you're standin' on the wall like you was
poin' Dexter Next day's function, high-class luncheon
Food is served in your stone-cold munchin'
Tomorrow night, discover why America's going wild over television's funniest new family,
The Simpsons.
Then, Al Bundy tells America's youth to just say no to marriage.
Feel the light crunchiness of grain in toasted clusters.
The crackle of sw-