When I was a boy, we only ate chicken on Sunday.
Now people want to eat chicken every day.
So Wendy's has a lot of different chicken sandwiches.
Our whole breast chicken filet, our chicken club with bacon,
and our chicken parmesan with rich tomato sauce and mozzarella.
That's that Italian cheese.
My daughter Wendy said, Dad, chickens are happening.
Chickens are happening?
Shits. Come into Wendy's.
We've got the best chicken sandwiches in the business.
Hey. I have to get ready for the party too, you know.
I don't know if I'm going.
Is something wrong?
I'm kind of sick.
Oh, diarrhea?
Mm-hmm.
I know what you need. It's in the medicine cabinet.
Pepto.
Here it comes, the soothing relief of Pepto-Bismol,
the one that coats is the only one you need.
Feeling better?
Let's party.
Which spread tastes more like real butter?
My shit spread country crock, right?
Parquet.
Parquet?
A national taste test proved it.
Parquet spread does taste more like real butter than shits.
No wonder you're so quiet.
Parquet.
Isn't that kind of a weird idea?
No, it absorbs odors, doesn't it?
No, I know.
I think it makes perfect sense.
You stay free.
No, with odor-absorbing baking soda inside every pad.
It's protection like nothing else.
I have pressure and pain in my sinuses.
I want my SinAID now.
Introducing a new SinAID with 53% more sinus pain medicine.
It's new SinAID.
No wonder it works so well.
New Maximum SinAID.
No wonder it works so well.
New Maximum Strength SinAID tablets.
Stronger than ever or better than ever relief.
Now we can eat jello gelatin with our bare hands.
Introducing Jiggly.
A fun way to make and eat jello gelatin.
The recipes on the box.
Make jigglers.
They're a handful of fun.
Touchstone Pictures presents Ernest P. Warrill.
He's getting a taste of the law.
And giving justice a new face in an all-new adventure.
Excuse me, sir, are you alright?
I just lied, thank you.
Ernest Goes to Jail.
Rated PT.
Starts Friday, April 6th at a theater near you.
Individuals.
Performing together.
Listening.
Arranging.
Building.
At Northwest, our performance is helping you do business.
Getting you wherever you need to go on time.
Creating new ways to make things work.
For you.
Because our job is helping you do yours.
No mother.
I don't want to go to a foster home.
You're not.
No father.
Don't you ever listen?
Just three brothers who have only each other.
We used to get along okay before mom and dad died.
That's when you were just his brother, pony.
Now you're his responsibility.
Together, there's never been a family quite like them.
This is a decent home environment.
It's just messy.
The Outsiders.
Executive produced by Francis Ford Coppola.
Series premiere tonight.
Stop!
You're not going to lose weight by going to the refrigerator during this commercial.
Go to the telephone instead.
That's right.
Now, pick it up and call Diet Center.
And ask about a quick and easy way to lose weight that won't cost you an arm and a leg.
What have you got to lose?
Get serious.
Call Diet Center.
Call your local Diet Center today.
So did you bring the Coca-Cola Classic?
Who was supposed to?
Not me.
Michael.
Michael!
Michael, Phyllis will buy the Coca-Cola Classic.
Coming right up.
Can it be that?
Feeling your best?
Yes!
From the Coca-Cola Classic.
That's my Michael.
Can it be it's a real thing?
Listen up.
McDonald's fries surprise is so easy to play.
A rude omega could figure it out.
Buy a large or a medium fries or a hashbrown.
Then peel off the sticker.
You win every time.
Like a Big Mac for 69 cents.
Ten thousand dollars?
Or fly anywhere in the world until the airlines goes.
If that's not terrific, I'm not a member of the tuber family.
So play McDonald's fries surprise today.
It's the game with a peel.
A peel?
I love potato humor.
When your nose is stuffing, should you take a cough drop?
You should if it's a Hals cough supressant tablet.
Because Hals are the ones with the vapor action formula to help the stuffy nose feel clearer fast.
That's why they're called the Hals of Medicine.
Kevin Klyer.
I cheated on my wife.
Tracy Omba.
I shot him.
Joan Plummer.
Yes, I shoot him.
River Phoenix.
No comment.
William Hurt and Keanu Reeves.
What?
In I Love You to Death.
You should have a tube-boosting race.
Graded R.
Starts Friday, April 6th at the theater news.
Tonight's Peg's birthday and Al's going all out.
You look fabulous.
You're gonna knock them dead at the bowling alley.
What's more romantic than a night at the Lanes?
You can't beat.
A bowler.
It's a celebration that will warm your heart.
Is there no limit to how low you'll go?
I wouldn't kiss you on the back.
An all-new Married with Children, next.
Everything the busy working woman of the 90s needs, together under one roof.
The Working Women's Expo, presented by K-Lite 96 FM.
They all come together for one night, Wednesday, March 28th, from 49 p.m.
at the Shiloh Motor Inn in Richland.
Health and dental care, music, travel, insurance, fitness, diet, and personal transportation.
Absolutely everything the working woman can never seem to find enough time for.
Join K-Lite 96 FM for the Working Women's Expo.
You don't have to hurt.
In an age of excess, a chiropractor gets back to basics.
Dr. Ruth Martinez offers drugless therapy to relieve pain.
Headaches, backaches, neck pains, and numbness in the arms and legs.
And it's all drug-free.
Many injuries can cause pain.
Even childhood accidents can create problems that may not be obvious until later in life.
Chiropractic care could be the answer.
You don't have to hurt.
Call Ruth Martinez, chiropractor, at 735-4250.
Mark Twain takes a European vacation.
And American enthusiasm is let loose on the continent.
The Innocence Abroad.
Monday afternoon at 1 on your Fox station.