Good evening and welcome to Australia's funniest home video show. Now please welcome your host, Kim Kilby.
Hi and welcome to the show that keeps Australia laughing at itself week after week.
But the thing about this show is all our stars achieve fame with hardly any effort.
And in most cases, without ever intending to. Yes, it's fame by accident.
Hi, darling. Fits you a bit of tongue, wrestling. Know what I mean?
Come on, what's your game, then?
Open it old north and south and I'll give you a bit of a thrill.
Hey, you want a new set of choppers? Me bravo, do you, good price.
Know what I mean, darling? Now give us a kiss.
Hey, kid. Would you like it if a deer came to your place and climbed all over you?
No? Well, neither does he.
Oh, word of advice. I never play snooker with clean for money.
He has hearts with his pet parrot.
I think I smell cat.
Oh, it's wrong. I smell catfish.
Look, lady. It's bad enough that you got me as a pet.
And I have to act cute whenever your friends come around.
But I draw the line and all this washing and grooming stuff.
Enough, Bobby!
Oh, what a time to get my saw.
Oh, it's going to take you forever to cut through this log.
Oh, wow. I hear a turkey.
Oh, yeah, my wub turkey. I hope it's a big, fat one.
Oh, he's big and he's fat and he sure is a turkey.
And shortly in the center ring, Ferdinand the Bull will be ridden by Wrangler Rick,
the fattest cowboy in the territory, 200 kilos.
In your dreams, fat boy. I'm going out.
I got myself a brand-new convertible. It's got to be easier than flying, though.
I saw it has its disadvantages, but nothing I can't overcome.
Oh!
Oh, I ate some salmon this morning.
Oh, now it's trying to swim back upstream.
Well, excuse me.
Not the sort of behavior you'd expect to see at a Buckingham Palace tea party.
But then again, I'm sure Her Majesty's gardeners don't get around like this.
Would you believe it?
Only yesterday these two were a couple of out of work bums.
Now today they're a crack team.
My goodness, what have you got back up your jumper?
Don't worry, Mommy. I'm just auditioning for the next week with the Hylian.
Hello? Is that the palace?
Listen, this is urgent. I've got a leak in my backyard.
Well, go ahead, lady. It's your backyard.
Oh, no.
Are all these men here to see the women?
Or the gymnastics?
When I grow up, I want to be a traffic cop.
Don't panic or adjust your sets.
This is just a stomach that only a mother could love.
Wow, what a bummer.
But we haven't quite hit the bottom yet.
Even though this next kid comes calling me a bummer,
I'm sure she'll be a good girl.
I'm sure she'll be a good girl.
I'm sure she'll be a good girl.
I'm sure she'll be a good girl.
I'm sure she'll be a good girl.
I'm sure she'll be a good girl.
The next kid comes close.
Jonathan! Oh, Jonathan, where are you?
It's time to come in and have your bath.
Jonathan, it's bath time!
Hi, John!
What an interesting bath!
I came up here to see the flying fox,
and that girl ain't no fox.
Yeah, and she's not really flying either.
Watch this.
Hey, Uncle Remo, are you sure this thing is safe?
Safe?
Safe? Why, it's just like a real castle, solid as a rock.
Hey, check it out for yourself.
This kid is wagging science class,
but he's about to learn that two objects can occupy the same space at the same time.
Like a lot of people on this show,
he just discovered that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
And that's the sort of experience that probably left to the writing of this song.
We gotta get out of this place.
You'll be dead before your time, John.
See the daddy and the daddy and the darling.
He sees there isn't very much.
He's been working his name in his life.
He's working so hard.
He's working so hard.
He's working so hard.
We gotta get out of this place.
We gotta get out of this place.
Home is a better life for me.
The most delicious moments in life are flavoured with fun.
Look!
That's why there's Maggi two-minute noodles.
Maggi two-minute noodles, faster to cook, good to eat.
Maggi, delicious moments every day.
If you're thinking of voting one nation,
Democrat, Green or Independent, your preferences will count.
You won't be sending the morbid Sheldon government much of a message
if your preferences give them three more years of sell-offs,
like prisons and other public assets, causing even more job losses.
Be careful. Don't give Mrs. Sheldon three more years as treasurer.
Play it safe. Vote today's Labour.
Both for Spain, Costa Raya or P. Brisbane.
When you wish upon a star...
Every time you buy Western star butter,
five cents goes towards helping our 2,000 Australian Olympic teams.
This is the year of the ram.
What's he doing?
Wow!
Amazing!
That ram's incredible, Mum.
You should see what he can do with a home loan.
Rams, registered Australian mortgage securities.
You will do better at Rams.
Coricolor Natural makes your hair look great.
Its two-step conditioning system helps resist against fade.
The first step conditions while it colors your hair.
The second step steals the color in and holds on tight when it's there.
Yeah, two steps are clever.
Resists fading together.
Coricolor Natural gives you beautiful hair.
Nobody does it.
Nobody does it quite like you do.
Now everybody's looking to the future.
Nobody does chicken like a secret recipe.
Nobody does chicken like KFC.
Nobody does chicken like KFC.
Watch shows got all this and more.
I am a god.
The Drew Carey Show, 8 o'clock tonight online.
Welcome back.
Have you ever wondered where pop music would be without the word baby?
Come to think of it, I wonder where this show would be without babies.
Especially when they're as unpredictable as this charmer.
You know, I always thought crawling would be easier than this.
I can tell you, I'm not looking forward to walking.
My mom, dad, I love this big Easter egg,
but what exactly is the breaking point for chocolate?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I love this big Easter egg,
but what exactly is the breaking point for chocolate?
Ma'am, is Gavin going overseas?
No, why?
Well, he's got all these labels on him.
Look.
What did you do?
What did you do?
This may be cute now,
but one day his future wife will divorce him over the snoring.
Hello.
I'm Little Red Riding Hood,
and I'm picking out on all these lollies.
I don't like that.
When I was at school,
we were told that sport was an important part of the curriculum,
because, among other things,
it promoted a sense of teamwork.
The positive side of that is,
if you make a mistake in a team sport,
chances are nobody will know,
unless there's a video camera somewhere in the crowd.
World Cup soccer coming up soon.
Fans watching it on TV can have a soccer hurl and get home delivered.
This is number 17.
Here's the best move to defend yourself
from your mother's throwery and gentry by your teacher.
Double forward somersault and single backward twist,
but the really hard thing is the approach.
Hey, thrower to him.
Hey, cyclist, you hear me? You run like a girl.
Well, that's it. I've had enough of your heckling.
Dad.
Now, listen carefully.
You've never done this before,
so it's important you do what I say.
When you hear the gun, you go. Got it?
When you hear the gun, okay.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to present my own version of the full splits
while standing on the heads of two other skiers.
And now, the full split.
I'm suspicious of that banner.
Why's that?
Because it was made for his buddy out of teen.
I love deep-sea fishing.
First, we fight it out in the fisher's environment,
but the battle is over when we get him into my environment.
I got news for you, Sunshine. The battle ain't over.
I still got a few tricks left.
And here are some other fine patches
for the lucky finalists in our media grand final.
But you'll need to get your videos in fast
if you want a chance at winning one of these great prizes.
Third prize is $30,000 worth of JVC home entertainment,
including a 61-inch rear-projection TV,
compact hi-fi system, two VHS VCRs,
plus the world's smallest digital video camera.
All of these great products come to you from JVC.
Second prize is the Mazda MPV.
With a quiet but powerful 3.0-litre V6 engine,
the MPV's standard features include dual airbags,
power windows, plus the capacity to seat eight,
and this great car could be yours thanks to Mazda.
And now to our exciting first prize of $75,000,
cash from Minty's.
If you have an embarrassing Minty's moment,
send it to Australia's funniest home video show
in moments like these unique Minty's.
Now here's a young boy who thinks he's got a good chance
at winning the cash.
That's if a fine singing voice counts.
Walkin' by the hill,
Walkin' by the hill,
Walkin' by the hill.
Sunlight on the sand, we've got moonlight on the sea,
mangoes and bananas that you pick right from a tree,
volleyball and ping-pong, a lot of Danny Gaines,
and we're off, and we're gone.
What a perfect angel.
We're so sad to see you all go.
Ladies and gentlemen, live on stage,
it's Peter Paul and Carrot Top.
Oh, we're so sad in our hearts.
Oh, we're so sad in our hearts.
We're so sad in our ears.
Oh, yes, we are sad!
This is what happens when you take the cheap apartment
over the paint factory.
Arriba, arriba!
Send your tapes to Australia's funniest home video show,
Long Bag 009-009,
Closeness, New South Wales, 206-5.
Every Australian video shown on the television
receives a latest release video from one home video
plus a Nintendo Game Boy.
Australia, Australia is with you.
Wednesday, make a little girl's dreams come true.
What do you think? Cool.
Digital technology in the real estate market
and luxury living at Indooroopilly.
Our House with Cheryl, 7.30 Wednesday.
And don't forget the Our House lift out in Tuesday's Courier Mail.
We're going to have a nice rest day.
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
When you need a break, the delicious flavours
of continental cuppa soup will stop the world
for an instant.
Nobody makes soup in a cup.
Next.
The continental cuppa soup.
Now that's the same cake as you get from
Miller.
Miller, the little cake inside.
Music
Last time Labor promised jobs
unemployment went up, not down.
An extra 58,000 Queenslanders lost their jobs.
Now Peter Beatty's promising jobs again.
He'd promise you anything.
Don't risk Labor.
Authorised by Ken Crook and Greg Goble
for the National Liberal Coalition of Brisbane.
Well you only get out what you put in
but you can always help things along a bit.
What you need is high quality proteins
complex amino acids
some power pack formulas.
I've got just the thing for you.
Help those muscles along.
Look at that child over there.
He's been into it for years.
Amazing stuff.
Where do I get some?
When it comes to insurance
NRMA doesn't just cover
your car.
They can also help you save them.
Save an average of
$60 on car insurance.
National NRMA on 132 132.
Welcome back.
It would be nice to think that bad things
only happen to bad people.
Now if that were true, then how do you explain
these nice people as they go about
their religious duties?
This hymn was going so badly
the rest of the choir
slinked out and changed religions.
Baptizing babies is one thing
but baptizing adults takes a whole
different technique.
And while she's seeing the light
we're going to see tonight's final
for Australian videos
shown here in random order.
First up, Feral Ferret.
Then, Drop Start Baby.
Next, Monkey Group.
And finally, Fisherman's Friends.
The fourth prize runner up
receives this easy to use video
director editing system from Hotkey.
The studio audience are really warming
to their task, which is lucky
because right now we have some really cool
videos from the snowfield.
Take a good video of this jump, Harry.
I'm doing something wrong
and I've got to find out what it is.
Picking up speed's okay.
Yes, we do. The walls are at the north.
Take off. Perfect.
I just wonder why I always end up
with my skis embedded in my nostrils.
Be careful, Rowan.
Don't get overconfident.
Why? What could happen?
I'll simply fall over and stop, right?
Wrong!
Oh!
Skiing is just mind over matter.
Oh, did you see that, Fred? Pretty easy.
Because as I always say, skiing is
mind over matter. Mind over matter.
I may have left my mind
in my other skis and it doesn't matter.
There's no business like snow business
except for the business we have at hand.
Giving away tonight's third prize,
which has been won by Fisherman's Branch,
sent in by Kevin Acker
from Castle Hill in New South Wales.
Congratulations, Kevin.
You have just won $2,500
worth of products from Redlow.
Redlow deliver and install
So Just Ring and Redlow
on 132311.
Let's go to the break with a music video
and the band that has the appropriate name
of Blur, which has the second
song on their album, which they call Song 2.
There was a toss-up between that one
and the second from the last track, which is called
Second from Last Song.
I hope we've done the right thing.
Thank you.