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If I could talk to the animals just imagine it. Chatting with a chimpanzee.
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Our slogan is standing up for South Australians, the people of South Australia.
The exciting thing about it was that it actually was suggested by someone outside the party who had observed the party working politically and I think that's a compliment and we're proud of that slogan.
The state bank is a huge issue in people's minds. They cannot forgive or forget.
And therefore it's quite clear that the people of South Australia are going to reject the Labour government whether it's headed by Arnold or Bannon. They've just had enough.
But they want to feel that there is some hope, some excitement about South Australia and that's what I've been saying to the people I've been talking to in Norwood.
We've got the ideas, we've got the energy, we've got the power to actually help push South Australia away from that black cloud of the state bank.
And people I talk to say to me, what are you going to do if I vote for you? What are you and the Democrats going to do?
And I say we are going to push the initiatives which we believe can return South Australia to prosperity.
The public are very angry with the government and they're not going to forgive them. There's no doubt about that.
But while I speak with people at their doors, they are very nervous about the Liberal Party.
They have not been impressed with them as an opposition and have grave doubts about them as a government.
There's a great deal of cynicism. There's very little trust in politicians any longer.
It's very clear that the two old parties have failed us and I think that's probably best illustrated with the state bank, which of course is one of the major issues in this election.
Because although Labor mismanaged our state finances, the Liberals as the opposition also failed because they didn't ask the questions when they were needing to be asked.
The creation of jobs is the centrepiece of the Democrats' election policies.
We've proposed a number of innovative solutions, including of course the Alistair Darwin rail link,
which is going to provide jobs for at least 300 people just in the construction stages.
And then we have got the trade links that will be built with Asia following that.
One of the most exciting prospects for South Australia, which has been paid insulting lip service by Labor and Liberal but no action, is the Alistair Darwin rail link.
It's waiting to happen. And yet although the Northern Territory has committed $100 million over five years,
I have waited and waited for Arnold or Brown to actually put money where their mouth is so that South Australians can benefit from it.
There are major job opportunities in South Australia. The potential in horticulture is huge and we're moving so terribly slowly in that area.
South Australia cannot have a tourism of the form that Queensland has. Our climate, etc, is very different. We have to make the most of our strengths.
We have a magnificent countryside, the Flinders Ranges, the north east of the state, Rand Lake Head, Kangaroo Island, wonderful, nothing like it anywhere else in the world.
We must take tourists to see it, but we must not allow the tourists to destroy it. And we can do both. And there's great interest.
15 to 30% growth per year worldwide in this sector of tourism.
There is an old furphy that the environment costs jobs. Now it is a furphy because in fact what we're finding is that that is the greatest area for job creation.
There are so many areas that we can go into in that. Some of it is in repair. Take issues such as the salinity in the south east.
We're going to have to find some solution there. Otherwise farmers are all going to have to leave their land.
And there's going to be jobs in the solutions that we create there to clear up that salinity.
In promoting ecotourism, if we're going to have people visiting our parks, we want them to be attractive.
And therefore we need to keep feral plants and animals under control.
And that means that we could very easily provide another 200 range of positions in South Australia.
So there are a huge number of jobs to be found working in the environment.
To create jobs in South Australia, we will be driving into new areas, the ones that have been neglected by Labour and Liberal,
particularly into alternative energy. The solar potential for South Australia is not just that we have lots of sun,
but we have lots of opportunity to convert that into jobs, exportable product and cut our own fuel bills at the same time.
So in almost everything that we're doing, whether we're talking education, environment, economy, we are talking jobs.
Most of the ministers are in the lower house. That is where the government forms.
If we are to question the government thoroughly on what they're doing, if we are to debate with the ministers and the shadow ministers,
you need a presence in the lower house. The impact the Democrats can have there is very significant.
And it gives us a very real chance to make government accountable in the way that government has been accountable for the last decade.
With Democrats in the House of Assembly, the whole tone of the South Australian Parliament will change.
We revolutionised the Legislative Council so that it actually was a productive House of Parliament with sensible debate,
with some contribution to the wellbeing of South Australians through the parliamentary process,
not just a name-calling, point-scoring exercise which has been the tradition in the House of Assembly.
With Democrats as members of the House of Assembly, we will change that pattern so that we will have productive Parliament.
We will insist that ministers answer questions within 30 days.
We will insist that there be a clear record of legislation which has been passed and just left lying on the shelf, which has been the case in the past.
And we will insist that governments are answerable. No shuffling answers to one side.
Promises made will be promises kept because we'll keep them to their word.
The upper house, and I lead the Democrats' upper house team for the state election, is vitally important.
In fact, probably more so in this election than in previous elections because there is a risk that if the Liberals get the sort of vote that they've been showing in the polls,
that they could gain control of both Houses of Parliament.
Now, if that happens, we could see the sorts of draconian legislation introduced here into South Australia that we've seen in Western Australia and Victoria.
We need to have that balance of power, which we have held responsibly for 14 years,
and it needs to be there so that we can act as a check and balance to assure that when legislation comes through from the lower house,
even if it has been rammed through there with the massive majority the Liberals are likely to have,
we need to assure that it is properly considered when it gets up to the upper house so that if bills aren't properly drafted, they get sent back.
And with that balance of power, on occasion, a bill might be knocked back and sent back to the lower house and tell them to start again.
The Democrats are against the wholesale slaughter of the small businesses in South Australia,
the small retail traders, because of the callous extension of shop trading hours by this Labor government in a very sneaky way.
They didn't bring it through Parliament. They snuck it through a minister by exemptions to the big money people from interstate.
Totally insensitive to the fact that hundreds of the small family-owned businesses in South Australia will be sacrificed,
and they will be sacrificed before Christmas if something dramatic isn't done.
We don't have a health system in South Australia. We have an illness system.
Many people in hospitals shouldn't be there. The ageing are going into hospitals, those people with drug problems, mental problems.
They should be, in many cases, being treated in the community and with proper resourcing.
It can be done even more cheaply so that the hospitals can focus on the genuinely ill, something that's not happening.
There are many problems in education in South Australia, and school closes is just one of them.
There has been an underspending on our schools. Water getting into the electrical systems, carpets being destroyed,
and children being asked to learn in that environment. The number of teachers have been slashed.
And there's great uncertainty as to what will happen with a changing government.
Both Labor and Liberal have not made the sorts of commitments which give me any confidence that the children in South Australia are going to get an education that they deserve,
and that the social and economic future of South Australia is going to be looked after.
You can't waste a vote for the Democrats, because if you put number one in the Democrat Square and in Norwood, that would be for me, Gil Fillon.
If I win, you get a Democrat member of Parliament, and that's good news for everybody.
But if I'm eliminated, or a Democrat candidate anywhere is eliminated, your voting paper moves from that heap to whoever you mark number two at full value.
No one does anything with it. I don't change it. No one shuffles it about. It's what you put on the voting paper.
People are looking for a change, and not just a change of government. I think they want a change in the way the whole parliamentary process is working.
They see it failing. They see Question Time on TV an absolute circus. The whole of Parliament is degenerated.
This city is exciting.
Dangerous.
Troubled.
That woman's not wearing underwear.
Is that all you can think about? Food and sex?
Yes. Please, focus.
Look out!
Hey, it's Jay!
No time for small talk. We're late.
Petty, hold the elevator!
I think Louise is so sweet.
I think this woman is wearing underwear.
I think there's too many people in this elevator.
And I think you are all idiots.
That's gonna work.
So last night was Mona, who, by the way, lived up to her name.
Tonight is Chastity, who better not live up to her name.
Morning, Mrs. Peebles.
Oh, hey, Mrs. Peebles. I didn't see you back there.
And tomorrow is Ursula the cop, who comes with her own handcuffs and billy club.
That's the night I resist arrest.
Did it ever occur to anyone that Jay has a problem?
Yes, I think he's obsessed with sex.
Thank God he's obsessed with sex. It'll keep his mind off his problem.
Then a week from next Thursday I got Naomi.
Very good chance of horizontitude.
Easy, Jay.
What?
Well, the sex may be turning into a problem.
Who the hell has a problem with too much sex?
I do. It's a genuine addiction.
I was hooked for years. Had to have it five times a day.
I finally had to go cold turkey. I got a bad ticker.
The doctor said if I kept up that pace, kapowee!
I could go out with a bang and a whimper.
Oh, well, have a good one.
Well, there you go.
There I go. I think I'm addicted to sex.
Hey, they say it's possible.
What's possible?
I can't believe you'd buy into that.
Buy into what?
The whole concept. It's laughable.
I can use a laugh.
Maybe, but Mrs. Peebles takes the concept pretty seriously.
Mrs. Peebles from accounting?
Herman, a middle-aged accountant doing it five times a day is a serious concept.
Research.
Hi, Herman. It's Louise.
What the hell are you guys talking about?
Louise, this is not your problem.
Okay, so you admit it's a problem.
Oh, come on, Jay. Problems are my specialty.
You name it, I've had it.
What's A-Linia?
Herman thinks I'm a sex addict.
Can't help you.
Look, Jay, don't get me wrong. I'm all for sex.
Sex is great, but I think you have a problem.
Wait a minute. So you have sex with lots of women.
What do you get out of it?
Sex with lots of women.
What do they get out of it?
Sex with me.
Oh, you don't have a problem at all.
They have the problem.
You want to tell me what this coffee clatch is all about?
Herman thinks Jay's a sex addict.
Jay doesn't buy it, and Mrs. Peebles gets it five times a day.
Sweet little Mrs. Peebles from accounting.
Herman, I'm surprised at you for spreading that kind of rumor.
By the way, I belong to a support group for sex addicts.
We meet every Thursday.
Drop by just to talk about your problem.
Hello, Paul. That suit fits you very well.
Can I talk the two of you out in the hall, please?
Five times a day, and she's still in accounting?
Mrs. Peebles, there seems to be a misunderstanding.
I am not a sex addict. I'm a guy.
You see the difference?
Could you go a full day without sex?
Of course I could.
We're talking about sex with somebody else, right?
Jay, you have to admit, sex is the focus of your life.
It's not the focus of my life.
It's a large part.
Yes.
Hang on one sec.
Oh, dear. He has a serious problem.
I don't know if it's serious yet.
I do know if Jay goes three days without a woman, he gets the shakes.
Not bad, huh?
Well, I think you might be overreacting slightly.
Mrs. Peebles?
Oh, swell. It's a heart attack.
Come on, we know CPR. Let's give her mouth to mouth.
Mouth to mouth. I'm your man.
Someone call 911!
Come on, Mrs. Peebles, breathe. Breathe.
Mrs. Peebles, can you hear me?
Oh, thank God.
Herman, don't encourage her.
I still can't believe it, Herman. You actually saved her life.
It was just a natural reaction, Louise.
You know, it was just lucky I took that CPR course back in Ohio.
And that's your prophecy. New York CPR is different.
Here, you bend down, tilt their head back, and gently ask,
have you promised your apartment to anyone?
Knock off the chatter.
Herman, I'm sorry I misread what was going on out there with Mrs. Peebles.
What you did was extraordinary, son.
Mr. Waterton himself just called to say you should be rewarded.
That's not necessary.
Those were my words, exactly.
Nonetheless, I'm proud of what you did, but not surprised.
That's the kind of young man you are.
God, I hate it when she gets a swelled head.
Herman, I heard you saved Mrs. Peebles' life, man. Nice going.
Yeah, well, someone had to do it. Where'd you go, anyway?
Oh, I, uh, got lucky with that girl in a green dress.
Catch you later.
Well, well, Jay, but you already...
Where?
In the coffee room.
Someone just started circulating these ten bucks
without the picture of your butt.
I can't believe this.
She's right, Herman. That's my fanny.
See, little mole?
And you don't have a problem, huh?
No. Look, Herman, practicing saves sex.
I'm not hurting anyone, and this was done on recycled paper.
Just remember, any habit can turn into a sickness.
Herman, Lou Gehrig's disease is a sickness.
What do you call enjoying lots of sex?
Well, Chamberlain's disease.
It's basic, pal.
Little envious. I'll catch you later.
He's in total denial. We have to help him.
What can we do for him?
We can encourage him to get involved in that sex addict support group.
What are we talking about?
We're talking about making Jay join a group
that will stop him from having lots of sex.
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
No, really, what are we talking about?
Jay, all I'm saying is,
going to the sex addicts group couldn't hurt.
Oh, Herman, don't bother, Jay.
Can't you see he's perfectly happy?
Thank you, Louise.
And he'll lead a perfectly happy life.
He will continue to use one woman after another
and throw them out like so much old fruit.
And in the end, he'll be another lonely, saggy, single guy
with nothing to show for his life except some memories.
And even those will fade.
That's where you're wrong, Louise. I got pictures.
You're pathetic.
Okay, okay.
When is this sex support thing?
Tomorrow night. Hell, I'll even go with you.
Fine, I'll do it.
I'm stupid, Herman. I don't need help.
And every day I still fight the urge to grab a total stranger
and have relentless, filthy sex with him.
Thank you for helping me, Herman.
Obviously, this obsession puts a serious strain on your work.
Yes, I'm an attorney,
and sometimes I can't concentrate in court.
I'm too busy having erotic fantasies
about every man in the room.
Remind me to go settle that traffic ticket.
Try to take this seriously, will you?
We have hit the mother line!
Well, that's all I wanted to say.
Thank you. Who'd like to go next?
Yes, what would you like to discuss?
Well, actually, I'd like to get back to her problem.
These fantasies of yours,
are they limited to men in the legal profession,
or do you ever find yourself thinking about doing it with, say, writers?
I don't know. I guess I could.
Have you ever done a human sandwich?
Jay, I think you're missing the point.
Actually, I have.
Really?
Were you the bread or the meat?
Would one of you care to stand and speak?
Yes, glad to. Glad to.
My name is...
Excuse me, but in this program, we prefer not to use our names.
Oh, okay. I'll just use my first initial.
I'm Jay.
My...
My phone number is 212-555.
What would you like to discuss?
Well, I also find that I need sexual gratification.
Constantly.
Um, I wish I didn't.
God, I wish I didn't.
Um, I...
I just, uh...
I need help.
You know?
Jay...
Jay knocked it off.
Um...
Come on.
Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late.
Are you all right?
Oh, just a little mishap.
I suffered a slight heart attack at work a few days ago.
Oh, luckily I was standing with a young man who gave me CPR.
He broke a couple of ribs, but he saved my life.
And here he is, folks. This is him.
This is the guy who saved her life.
Oh, great. Now they know our face,
and everyone in this room thinks we're a sexual deviant, too.
It is better to be known as a deviant
than never to have known deviants at all.
Oh, Herman, you came.
Jay came. This is for him.
I-I'm... I'm not over-sexed.
I'm not under-sexed.
I'm... perfectly sexed.
And I-I'm just here to help.
Why don't we take a short break and reconvene in ten minutes?
Hi, Herman. How's it going?
Louise, what are you doing here?
I'm having a meeting down the hall with my virgin support group.
I stopped by to see if the sex addicts
want to play us in volleyball after their meeting.
The agoraphobics didn't show.
How's Jay doing?
Well, I got him here. From now on, he's on his own.
Four times a day? That's terrible.
Have you made your quota yet?
Oh, well, Herman, I guess getting Jay to cut out sex
was kind of a lost cause. Yeah, I suppose.
So why are you doing this for him?
I don't know, Louise. I've just always believed
if you do something for someone else,
you're in the end. Oh, here you are, Herman.
Danielle and I were just talking about what you did to me.
Please, it was nothing.
Well, she doesn't think so.
Oh, really? That's right.
I've advised my client to sue you for breaking her ribs.
Well, I...
The man who must stay away from the 14-year-old girl
he wanted to marry and the salt shaker
who wants to break a speed record.
It was all on Seven Nightly News.
Tomorrow's your lucky day.
Hello there.
I've just been baked with an amazing sweetener
with one-eighth the calories of sugar.
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Reminder of anything.
That's right. Splendour pours and measures
exactly like sugar.
Worse more, you can cook and bake with it like sugar.
So all of these are lowering calories.
But best of all, Splendour's actually made from sugar.
So it tastes like sugar.
How's that for the icing on the cake, eh?
New Splendour. Made from sugar.
So it tastes like sugar.
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Bra's, corsetry, men's and kids' underwear.
Plus no deposit lay-by.
But hurry, before our prices snap back.
Ouch!
Hi, I'm Stan Grant.
A Lousy Little Sixpence is a film
which won Aboriginal filmmaker
Lester Bostock international acclaim.
He's had a long involvement with the media
and performing arts
and has a lot of experience to pass on.
Here we are 15 years later still trying to...
In 1977, he helped establish the National Black Theatre
and later moved on to radio, TV and film.
He's currently running a 20-week film training course
for 24 Aboriginal and Islander students
at the Australian Film, Television and Radio School.
Just remember that I'll be there too.
I'm looking to...
Lester developed the program jointly with the school
and backed by the Department of Employment, Education and Training
is a first in New South Wales.
South is a juvenile justice centre.
This is the story of four bank robbers
and two bubbling detectives.
Yes!
Corbyn Burmson, Fred Gwynne and Ed O'Neill.
Disorganised Crime, 8.30 Friday.
I can't believe Mrs. Peebles is suing you, Herman.
She seems like such a nice lady.
She is a nice lady. She just got coerced by a sleazy lawyer.
But you were saving her life.
What does that lawyer think she could sue you for?
Anyone could sue anyone for anything, Louise.
If you wanted, you could sue me for... for having blonde hair.
On what grounds?
Fraud.
I hope she reams you, serves you right for being too stupid to look the other way.
What are you saying? I should have let her die.
Herman, how many times do I have to tell you?
This is New York, not Ohio.
Watch this.
Wow.
Take another iced tea when you get a chance.
Comprende?
I'll take a burger, a medium rare and a beer.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Jay. How's the sex addicts group going?
It's going well.
Very well indeed.
I mean, I only started it yesterday,
but I am proud to announce that I haven't had sex in 12 hours.
You had sex after the meeting last night?
Jay, I can't believe it.
You slept with a woman from your sex addicts group?
No, I slept with a woman from your virgin support group.
I think her name was Denise.
Not Denise. She was my lab partner.
It's no big deal, Louise. It was over like that.
Oh.
Well, at least her first time was special.
You call this going very well. I'd hate to see you on a binge.
Herman, what are you going to learn?
Stay out of other people's problems. You're only going to get burned.
I am not going to get burned, Eddie, and I'll tell you something else.
I am not going to get sued.
I still believe there are a lot of decent people around,
and Mrs. Peebles is one of them.
If you want to be a jaded New Yorker, fine. That's you.
It is not me.
That's him.
Dear God, she's suing me for all I've got.
That does it.
Today we are a New Yorker.
Hey, hey, watch it.
I'm standing here. I'm standing here.
It's hot degrees in this freaking brain.
Who are you calling a mook?
Yeah, is this Narboni and Flug legal advice at a cozy price?
Good, I want to...
No, I haven't lost a limb or a digit,
but I do have a finger right here for you.
Now, just put a lawyer on the phone.
Herman, line two.
It's Evelyn from the PBS station, returning your call.
Hello, Evelyn.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I phoned in a pledge for $10.
Well, you're not getting it, babe.
I'm keeping the free tote bag. Ha!
Hey, what is the holdup?
It is so weird seeing Herman be a typical New Yorker.
Oh, yeah, he really sells it.
Kind of like watching Akron Community Theater do Goodfellas.
Fine, Mr. Flug, you're hired.
Yeah, that's right. Be at my deposition tomorrow at 10 o'clock.
What do you mean all fees up front? What's your fee?
What? You call that price cozy?
You bottom-feeding son of a bitch, you're fired!
Hey, this is kind of fun.
Herman.
Later, Louise.
I think you're taking Honey's advice too literally.
Buzz off, will ya?
Hey, I'm cute as a button. Don't talk to me like that.
I'm sorry, Louise. I'm a little tense, okay?
I've never been sued before.
Don't worry, Herman.
Mrs. Peebles isn't gonna get anything from you.
You aren't worth diddling.
Hey, Herman.
Oh, Jay, I need you to...
What's with the lollipops?
Oh, it's to help take my mind off my problem.
I'm supposed to pop one of these in my mouth every time I feel the urge to have sex.
Why do you have two in your mouth?
I just passed those twins for marketing.
Look, I want you to give a deposition for me tomorrow.
10 o'clock, out in the hall where it all happened.
10 o'clock, gotcha.
So, what time do you want me to be there?
10, Jay.
I'll be there, buddy.
If I'm late, I'm not the dentist.
Herman, I have to change around some shelves in my office.
You want to step inside, give me a hand?
Who do I look like, Bob Vila?
Pardon?
Suppose I help you put up the shelves.
Then suppose they crash down on your body, so it's mangled and crushed beyond recognition.
How do I know you won't sue me, huh? Huh?
Okay, calm down.
Don't let this lawsuit rattle you.
Right, calm down.
Now, do you have a lawyer?
I just fired him, the blood-sucking piece of suing suing Herman!
Easy, easy.
Wait a minute, Mr. Bracken, you know some law, don't you?
Well, I don't like to brag, but I know everything.
Okay, what number am I thinking?
Seven.
Damn, he does know everything.
Oh, forget it, I'll be my own lawyer.
Herman, you're gonna need a clearer thinker,
and judging from the foam around the corners of your mouth, you don't really qualify.
I'm sorry, Mr. Bracken, please be my lawyer.
Well, I'd be glad to, Herman.
Nineteen.
Oh!
It's eerie.
Now, remember, Herman, I'll simply ask you what happened,
and you answer me in plain English.
And don't worry, this is a deposition, not a trial.
Right.
Then again, I'm a fact-checker, not a lawyer.
You may get your ass kicked.
Hello, Jay. You're looking very dapper this morning.
Here, suck on this.
I remember me, I'm Jay. I'm the...
I'm glad to see you're working on your problem.
I tried, Herman, I really tried, but I have to accept it.
I'm a pig who sleeps with lots of women.
I stopped sleeping with lots of women, and I'm just a pig.
All right, let's get started.
Now, we're having this deposition here so that if need be,
we can recreate the alleged act exactly as it happened.
Oh, boy, can I play Herman?
Louise, Herman is playing Herman.
Why does he always get to play Herman?
Shh.
Now, Mrs. Peebles, explain, if you will,
what happened on the morning of August 8th.
Well, I was standing right there talking with Herman
when I felt a pain in my chest.
And what happened next?
Well, my next recollection is of Herman
placing his mouth on mine in a deep, penetrating kiss.
That's a lie.
Then he began to fondle my chest.
Another lie.
Then he broke three ribs.
Well, you got me there.
Thank you, Mrs. Peebles.
We'll now hear the testimony of Jay Nichols.
Yay!
Jay, tell us what transpired on the morning in question.
Sure. Mrs. Peebles had a heart attack.
Then Herman gave her mouth-to-mouth,
then chest compression, and that seemed to do the trick.
And where were you when this happened?
By that time, I was in the copy room getting collated.
Then how could you have witnessed it?
I didn't witness it.
Then how do you know what happened?
Herman told me.
If he says it happened, I'd believe him.
I said he was a friendly witness.
I forgot he was also a stupid one.
We'll now hear the testimony of Herman Brooks.
Herman, Herman, he's our man and he can do it.
Yes?
I'm gonna send you to your desks.
We're sorry, Mr. Bracken.
Herman, tell us what happened in your own words.
Well...
All right, all right.
I think it's best if you let me present our case
logically, calmly, and with dignity.
You make me sick!
You keel over with a heart attack.
I save your life and this is how you repay me.
I didn't have to give you mouth-to-mouth.
I didn't want to give you mouth-to-mouth, but I did it anyway.
Oh, Herman.
Oh, well, yeah, yeah, fine.
Don't believe me.
But let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
Herman, there is no jury.
Oh, can I play ladies and gentlemen of the jury?
Louise!
Let me tell you one thing.
I'd think twice before I took the word of a raging sex maniac!
Oh, no.
Oh, let her die, let her die.
It's obviously God's will.
No, we have to save her.
We have to give her the Heimlich.
Quick, grab her from behind.
All right.
Oh.
Oh, Herman.
What would I do without you?
You'd die, Mrs. Peebles.
That's true.
Oh, I'm sorry for what I put you through.
Thank you for saving my life, Herman.
I'm gonna tell my lawyer to drop the lawsuit.
Herman, you're just gonna have to face it.
You're a good guy.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Bracket.
Can I have the day off?
No.
I thought you said I was a good guy.
You are.
I, however, am a son of a bitch.
You take half an hour.
So let me get this straight.
I'm the meat?
Would you trust these faces...
That's only $200.
...to find you the perfect date?
I need a pretty young man.
I want you to have a woman.
The hilarious Boys from the Bush.
Then Dennis Waterman's back as a petty crook on the run.
New look knockout.
He's involved with a stunning widow in a whole series of bizarre underworld adventures.
We're not very fond of you.
And the cops are always on his tail.
Come along nice and quietly, son.
You're truly son of a snob.
Stay Lucky plus Boys from the Bush.
Great new comedy double Thursday.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
They don't know.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's marvelous.
Oh, that is remarkable.
A remarkable man.
A remarkable life.
Dear Me, the autobiography of Sir Peter Ustinov,
exclusive in hardback to Angus and Robertson Book World.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, dear me.
Now there's a difference.
Here's something altogether different in a credit card.
No annual fees, low interest, and up to 55 days interest free credit all on one card.
The Co-op Visa card.
Now, what would you like to do with your existing cards?
The Co-op Visa.
An altogether different credit card.
The Black and Decker popcorn maker cooks popcorn without oil,
making it the healthy way to put a smile on the kids' faces this Christmas.
Someone's thinking.
This is about promises kept.
If we promise it gives your skin incredible moisture replenishment.
It will.
If we promise visible smoothing of tiny lines.
It delivers.
If we promise it works like the fluid in young skin.
It sinks in.
If we promise it protects you from daily UV ray damage.
It has to.
Oil of Ulan.
We keep our promise to young skin.
Original and new daily UV protectant.
That would be Miss California from Los Angeles.
Last name LaPonce.
First name.
First name.
First name.
First name.
Why can't I remember her first name?
Well, we have a last name.
We can just look it up.
No, it'll come to me.
Damn, why can't I do it?
I had a good night's sleep last night.
I didn't have anything to drink.
Don't worry, Mr. Bracken.
It happens to every man at one time or another.
It's never happened to me before.
It's okay.
We can just cuddle.
Please.
Sorry.
This is no time for joking.
I can't remember.
Just look it up.
No, I have to remember it.
If I look it up it would be admitting defeat.
Why don't you just make up an answer.
That's what I do.
I was just making a joke like Louise.
I'll be in my office.
Don't hang up that phone.
We'll get back to you, Mr. Wrigley.
So she just called you or it out of the blue?
I know, I can't believe it myself.
Rebecca Woods, she was the most beautiful freshman on campus.
Did you bag her?
Jay, I don't bag women.
I'm sorry, did you nail her?
Jay.
You heard the man.
I need to brag about it.
You are so vulgar.
Why must you debase our beautiful memories?
Remember when we first met her?
She was sitting by Cayman's pond reading poetry.
Yeah.
Remember the first time we made love to her?
What was that position called?
Missionary.
Yeah, I like that one.
Come on, Herm, did you sleep with her?
Jay, this relationship was more than just sex.
You can understand that, can't you?
Okay, forget it.
Let's just say she was a hard stopper and leave it at that.
So why'd you ever let her go?
Well, I didn't let her go.
I was crazy about her.
Everything was going great,
then suddenly for no reason she backed off.
Then at the end of the semester she transferred to Berkeley.
Aw, that's too bad.
Now out of nowhere she wants to see me again.
Well, maybe she realized she let a good thing slip away.
You really think so?
Yeah, now you can get the old fires going.
Find that spark of romance and dump her.
That'll teach her.
Thanks for the help, Jay.
That's what I'm here for, pal.
Herman, I don't care what Jay thinks.
I think it's great that your first love is coming back to you.
Well, maybe your first love will come back to you too, Louise.
I don't think so.
I haven't met him yet.
Although, looking back,
the guy who came to fix my toilet last week was very polite.
Does that count?
Not on Earth, Louise.
Oh, and I suppose you have some great story about your first love.
Oh, my first love was Doug Broder,
a investment banker on Wall Street.
Left his wife for me and asked me to marry him.
Why didn't you?
I saw no reason to be tied down in the eighth grade.
Okay, Eddie, you win.
Everyone's attracted to you and I'm nothing.
I know, isn't it great?
Louise, I got it. I got it.
Get that guy on the phone.
I knew if I had just a little peace and quiet
with no distractions, it would come back to me.
The name of Miss America, 1941.
The name of Miss America, 1941.
It's.
It's.
It's.
It's.
It's.
It's.
It's no use. I've lost it.
I'm no good to this company anymore. I'm nothing.
Oh, it's okay, Mr. Bracken. I'm nothing too.
We can start an I'm nothing support group.
Meet maybe Tuesdays at 7?
I can't. I'm busy.
What are you doing?
Beats the hell out of me.
Hey, what are you doing?
Getting ready for Rebecca.
Aren't you being rather presumptuous?
She just wants to see an old friend.
I got an old friend who wants to see her.
Rebecca.
Hi.
Hi. Come on in.
Nice apartment.
No, it isn't, but it's nice of you to say so.
It's been a long time.
Five years.
It's great to see you. You look really terrific.
Thanks.
Yes, she's taking her clothes off.
We're crying out loud. She's just taking off her coat.
We gotta start solving this.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
She's taking off her coat.
We gotta start somewhere.
So, how have you been?
Fine. Fine.
Actually, no, not so fine.
I just got out of a bad relationship.
She's on the rebound.
This is beautiful!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Relationships can be very difficult.
Are you seeing anyone?
No, no. No, no.
Not seeing a soul.
I'm free and clear.
So, what brings you to New York?
You.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
You have? Why?
Well, I realize that of all the men I've known, you're the only one who really meant something to me.
You meant a lot to me, too.
But what I have to ask you next is very difficult to say.
Well, say it slowly and enunciate, and I'm sure I'll get most of it.
Herman, I want something, and I want you to give it to me.
I gotta go downstairs.
That's okay. I'm open-minded. Just say it. I think I can give you what you want.
I have to admit, what I want is a little unusual.
I heard, I heard, unusual!
That ought to do it.
Fire away.
Herman, I want you to be the father of my child.
Herman, I want you to be the father of my child.
Boy, that came out of left field.
Becca, what are you saying?
I am ready to have a baby. So I thought, who has the qualities that I'd like to pass on to my child?
Rutger Hauer?
No, Herman, you.
Me? Whoa, whoa, let's slow down here.
We haven't seen each other for a long time.
Talking about marriage and babies, isn't that jumping the gun?
Shouldn't we have two or three years of great sex first?
Herman, relax.
I don't understand. When did you decide that I was Mr. Right?
Herman, sit down.
You are not Mr. Right. There is no Mr. Right.
There may, however, be a Ms. Right. I'm gay.
You're a lesbian?
I mean, it's okay if you're a lesbian.
Is lesbian the correct term, or do you prefer to be called gay, or is it African American?
Yes, Herman, the correct term for a gay woman is African American.
I'm sorry, this just took me by surprise. I mean, we've had sex.
I knew I was a lesbian even then. I was just trying to be heterosexual.
Well, it was quite a try.
I mean, even while we were seeing each other, I realized that I could never get what I wanted from a man.
So basically, I turned you into a lesbian?
Yes.
Herman, no. A man doesn't turn a woman into a lesbian.
I don't know what to say.
Say you'll do it. Tell me you'll be the father of my child.
For one summer to remember, the hot movies are on 7.
Two-framed Roger Rabbit.
Is that a rabbit you're popping? You're just happy to see me.
James Belushi, Real Men.
Nick Perendale, CIA.
Nicholas Cage and Cher, Moonstruck.