Five hundred dollars for cake, that's two hundred and fifty dollars a nostril.
I've seen less vicious hits on Monday Night Football.
I don't know if she's the next to get married, but the Jets took her in the first round.
I hope the marriage lasts longer than the carriage.
Many people turn to prayer for direction.
Okay, it is time once again for our salute to stupidity.
Tonight we tip our hats to a criminal, this is a true story, who rushed into a bank with
a plastic bag over his head and announced it was a stick-up.
He forgot to cut eye holes in the plastic bag.
Brilliant, he didn't get the loot, but he does get our salute to stupidity.
They should take this act on the road.
In fact, here comes their tour bus now.
Bubbles usually go to your nose.
Your insurance rates are sure to go up when you get in an accident in your own living
room.
A runner can be caught running to third, I didn't know he could be caught in a stampede.
Hey guys, look out for hitchhikers.
Did you know that four out of five babies prefer that you don't do this?
Yeah, maybe the bench is telling you, you've eaten enough.
He's got butterflies in his stomach, and here they come.
Well, his choir teacher did tell him to project.
Okay, tonight's assignment America requires a little holiday spirit.
Make your Christmas morning, your kids faces when they pop out of bed, record the fun you
have unwrapping the gifts, maybe even catch that visit from old St. Nick himself.
Just run your camera all Christmas day to make sure you don't miss a thing.
Just ho, ho, ho, tonight's assignment America could make your Christmas even more merry
by adding 10 or even $100,000 to your stocking.
We want you to video your Christmas morning, the fun the kids have unwrapping presents,
the pets playing under the tree, even the visit from Santa, then send your funny family
videos not to the North Pole, but to your friends right here at AFV, P.O. Box 4333,
Hollywood, California, 907-8, or you can send your video by uploading to the AFV homepage
at abc.com.
For full contest rules, log on to abc.com or write the address above.
So be a good elf and send in those videos.
It's all new.
Nice.
We'll see you next time on the ABC.
For a better looking tomorrow, Vicks Nike will cold and flu, the nighttime sniffling,
sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best sleep you ever got with a cold medicine.
For a better looking tomorrow, now also available, Vicks Nike will less drowsy because everyone
sleeps differently.
When it comes to frosting, there are chocolate fudge people, vanilla people, strawberry people,
even chocolate funfetti people, but they're all just pill fairy people, creamy, delicious
pill fairy frosting.
Does your phone alert you when you have a message?
Does it alert you without interrupting what you're doing?
Does it alert you without interrupting what you're doing so you can continue to say,
send a video to someone?
Holding your messages till you're ready to view them?
Droid does.
The notification panel, your own personal gatekeeper.
In a world of doesn't, Droid does.
Amplify your drive in a 2010 Dodge Journey.
An IIHS top safety pick with 25 MPG, all wheel drive, innovative storage, and a sports suspension.
The 2010 Dodge Journey is the crossover of Amplify.
We started with over 1 billion colors, generously added more than 2 million liquid crystal pixels,
combined 960 backlighting LEDs with 240 flawless scenes per second, made it 50% more energy
efficient, and it all came down to one thing, the new 55 inch true LED from Vizio, superior
picture performance, superior price, from America's number one LCD HDTV company.
Another take?
Revlon Double Twist Mascara, a revolutionary two-in-one applicator that combines a thickening
brush with separating combs.
For massive volume and remarkable definition, Revlon Double Twist Mascara.
It's worth a double take.
A girl, a dire, officially retired, came home and said, guess what, 1, 2, 3, 4, not gonna
wear it anymore.
I love my comfy sweater, I love my comfy sweater.
How cute are these boots?
Forget those curly dresses, forget those curly dresses, we're top to the moon.
Boo, ah, ah, ah, boo.
Once again, I don't think that's too much of you, Harry.
Voldemort has chosen Draco Malfoy for a mission.
The plans have been drawn.
Carry out the deed.
The powers have aligned.
You're the chosen one, Harry.
The battle has begun.
You must not fail.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Buy it on Blu-Way, Combo Pack, and DVD, and be the first to see footage from the next
Harry Potter movie.
Her husband's life was cut short, but this wife and mother has taken tragedy and turned
it into hope.
I'm a survivor helping other survivors.
Next.
We can fix something that has been weighing on her shoulders for way too long.
Disney Channel's Selena Gomez and singing superstar Usher will honor his memory by giving
them a new start.
You're gonna really, really be shocked.
ABC's Extreme Makeover Home Edition, all new, coming up next on ABC.
Merry Christmas!
Start a new holiday tradition with an all-new modern family.
In Columbia, they'll stay up till morning.
But as you'll notice from the absence of ghosts in the street, we are not in Columbia.
ABC's Modern Family, all new, Wednesday, 9, 8 Central, on ABC Comedy Wednesday.
Okay, now, let's see who gets some cash stuck in their Christmas stocking.
It is time to meet our three nominees.
First up, Pocket Performance, sent in by the Booth family from Springfield, Pennsylvania.
I think at the next performance, he's going to be in the back row.
The second contender hoping there's a little something extra under their tree.
Street Poaching Pug, sent in by Don Hofstetter from Stonberg, Illinois.
Pugs love treats.
Cats hate sharing.
And the third nominee trying to win the bill, ho ho, praying for a bathroom, sent in by
Tom Daniels from Allentown, Pennsylvania.
Many people turn to prayer for direction.
To enjoy the evening, to party and joy, and to be with us always.
The bell toll is on the left.
Okay, our audience has seen the three nominees, it is time for you all to vote right now.
And while we determine a winner, let's have a look at tonight's, eh, losers, our Honorable
Mansion.
Okay, now the results of our voting, our third place $2,000 winner is praying for a bathroom,
sent in by Tom Daniels from Allentown, Pennsylvania.
And the winner of the $10,000 in tonight's funniest home video is Pocket Performance,
sent in by the Bush family from Springfield, Pennsylvania.
Here we have star Billy, Tom, Aaron, Dad, Bob, and brothers Robbie and, how much money
did you win?
Yeah.
You're not going to share it with anybody?
Uh.
What did you think when you saw your son Pocket Dancing?
I couldn't believe that he was doing it.
I videotaped because Dad was out of town and everybody else was standing still and all
of a sudden he just started dancing.
Yeah, what did you, what were you thinking when you did that?
Um, I was just, I was just thinking that it would be kind of funny and I didn't know
how to skill a show, but somehow I did.
Somehow you did.
Now you already have the $10,000, you can say no to this request, but Maestro, do we
have a little music?
Yes, we do.
Let's play it.
Go ahead.
Thank you very much.
Haven't lost the touch.
That's charming.