The Channel 9 Show with Roy and HG is rated M for mature audiences and contains material which may offend.
From the STW9 studios Perth, The Channel 9 Show.
With the Carrot Affairs, The Richard Coulton Experience.
Special Guests, Richard Coulton, Wendy Harbour, Richard Geyer and Tom Berlinson.
And now our Hosts of the Show, Rampaging Roy Slaven and HG Nelson.
Yes, if you keep this up we won't be able to start. So stop, stop, stop. Thanks very much indeed Ian Terpstappy. Thanks very much indeed The Carrot Affairs.
And thanks very much too to The Richard Coulton Experience. Hi there Consumers and welcome to The Channel 9 Show for another Tip Top Sunday Night.
It's an attractive leg of lamb media special that is roasting to perfection in the oven here at the 9 HQ this evening.
But before we suck it and see and jump into bed and pull a newspaper over our head or float a coop to walk on the wild side till dawn.
Rampaging Roy Slaven who or what's been sticking the bongs up out of the trout pate down your end of the spread this week's Squire.
Thank you very, very, very much HG Nelson. Look obviously it's been a difficult week.
What with the budget, less said the better. With India having a bomb, tremendous news. The prospect of Pakistan having the bomb and Sri Lanka getting the bomb.
Jakarta's bloody well virtually been bombed. Very hard to find what I'd call or what Axiom would describe as a little rave sunshine.
But we did when we went to the Clary Grimmett auction of Clary Grimmett memorabilia. I know you were there, I was there.
I sneered a very, very attractive pair of Clary Grimmett's underpants.
And they say underpants tell a story and they bloody well do. I don't know if you can get a close fix on the Grimmett gusset.
But bloody hell you can see he put a, what I'd describe as a fair bit of work on the, on the blow.
So I got those, I think it was $6,849. I sneered those four.
What did you get?
Well look I got lot 147 and this set me back the best part of $14,000.
But I was so pleased to get it because it's a pencil. It's a Clary Grimmett pencil.
And I don't know whether the cameras are sophisticated enough to pick up this little signature here simply written Clary on it.
So I was pretty convinced it was one of Clary's. And it's got obviously teeth marks in it as well which I'm getting a forensic dentist to have a look at during the week hoping to match with the dental record.
But you can always tell Clary from his smell. That's Clary.
I was told in the notes that accompanied this lot that this was the pencil that scored the Don's 302 at the SCG against I think it was New South Wales v Queensland at the time.
So it's a pencil with history.
We might give these away at the end of the night. I'd like everyone to go home with a little bit of Clary.
So we'll cut this up obviously I'll keep the gusset and we'll give away the rest.
Very generous offer Roy.
And now our customers can you welcome to the Channel 9 show a man who is one of the few magicians left in Australian media.
Years ago there were heaps of them now he's the one left.
Niners can you start ticking like a 60 minutes clock as you join the Richard Carlton experience laying down that heavy beater welcome for Richard Carlton.
Is there blood on your hands was his classic probe now with 60 minutes he struts the globe.
He learned his crap at the ABC and cashed the check on commercial TV.
Richard Carlton dressed in black.
Big dick Carlton can't resist a crack.
He's got this. He's got the face mention mobile.
He can still smell the change.
Here's our see Richard Carlton.
I see.
Richard Carlton.
Mr. Slaven. Yes. Mr. Nelson. Yes. I'd like to thank you both very much indeed for coming here to the studios tonight.
Mr. Packer asked me that I extend to you. Was that senior or junior?
I extend to you the appreciation for you giving up the Dapto dogs tonight and coming here on this special occasion.
I wanted to ask you in the circumstances that Miss McFeast finds herself presently.
Do either of you feel at all embarrassed by the blood on your hands?
We do Richard. We do and I'm glad you've asked that question because you know your questions haven't improved over the years.
You know you can sit there with that idiot.
Give me five.
Speaking of that magic bit of television we've actually got that queued up. Let's have a look at it now.
Now to Brisbane and Mr. Bob Hawke. Mr. Hawke could I ask you whether you feel a little embarrassed tonight at the blood that's on your hands?
You're not improving are you? I thought you might be.
No it's ridiculous questioning. No it's ridiculous. I have no blood on my hands. I was not involved in the discussions that Bill Hayden's fellow leaders had with him.
I hope the standard of your questioning improves.
When I went into that executive this morning I had no knowledge whatsoever that he was making his decision.
Now Mr. Carpenter you can sit there with your silly quizzical face. You've got a reputation right around this country.
You've got a reputation for your impertinence, your refusal to accept people at their face value to try and ridicule the integrity of people.
Now I don't mind my integrity being on the line against yours.
Yes.
It of course went on in that vein for some hours. How do you get on with Bob these days?
I don't call him. He doesn't call me.
How did you get on with him in his period of prime ministership?
Obviously that was a starting step towards him becoming prime minister. How did the next ten years go?
Not too good.
And of the current lot of politicians are there any that you actually like talking to?
No.
And with the development of politics say through then you've maintained probably a fairly consistent line in your approach to interviewing politicians?
Probably.
Have you ever overplayed your hand with them? Have you ever done something where you thought...
Not with politicians, no.
You can't.
No, never. But I probably have in other areas, yes.
Have you ever found yourself in a circumstance with a report for 60 minutes where you thought, oh, I've gone a bit far here or...
Yes, after the event.
Right, right. And where and what?
There was an occasion over in Perth with a dole bludger. And he'd been on the dole we thought, well factually, longer than anyone else.
And I had him up against a wall and I said to him, you're not much of an excuse for a human being, are you? And he wasn't, but he didn't need me to tell him.
No.
And that's probably where I went too far.
He must have been a pretty soft target, wasn't he, Richard? Was that the stick choosing soft targets?
No.
Because a lot of politicians would like to punch you in the head.
Has it ever struck you that you've got the sort of head that people want to punch you in?
I mean, we find it obviously an endearing body, but a lot wouldn't. Can you appreciate that?
Do you ever look in the mirror and think, bloody hell, why do so many people want to punch this head in?
I don't care.
Oh, well, that shows. Why don't you care?
You're going to ask my mother, I suppose. I just don't.
You don't? You've never cared?
Not really, no. I mean, I like to think that I approach it responsibly and that sort of thing, but I don't really see why I should show.
There was a 60 minutes sort of maximal credo some time ago to divide the nation, multiply the nation.
By ratings, yes.
Do you believe that? Is that a...?
Well, there's no doubting that, not in 60 minutes, but in the ABC and everywhere else, that you have good controversy, you have people fighting, and the numbers go up.
So you don't mind that sort of combative sort of circumstance?
I've made my living out of it. I mean, in this very room.
Do you have to engineer that sometimes, though? You know, you get a number of people who largely...
Well, they don't ask two bunnies to come in and run around the place.
No, no, but what I mean is sometimes they go a bit quiet, don't they? The stoolies who you've got in there for want of a better expression.
You've got to cheer them up with a prouder bit, don't you?
Well, you mean when you have an audience? Oh, of course.
Yes, yes, yes. And what are some of the techniques there?
Well, you look for the person that's got a view to express, and you get them to express it, and then get someone else to knock them down.
Right. Of the incidents in the world this week, and there's been a few, which ones do you think...
Well, which one would you like to cover for 60 minutes, of the big ones that hit the front pages?
Well, India is the thing that matters to the world, but Indonesia is what matters to us.
You try getting a visa for either of the places.
Yes, yes.
And if you were going in there on a sort of parachute mission, how do you, you know, how would you start and who would you talk to of the people that you can see from Australia?
You may find some people up in the hills who have a different idea, but of the big figures, who would you like to get to talk to?
In Indonesia?
Say, starting off.
Wukwari Antew, surely.
Yes, of course.
I mean, he's the kingmaker. He's painted as the kingmaker, and ask him.
Yes, yes.
Who have you got in mind, son?
Now, with 60 minutes, the one story that I think has caused some comment is, amongst many of course, is the James Scott incident in the Himalayas.
The Iceman.
The Iceman. Now, the story ran, for those who may have forgotten, was that the lad lived in a cave in the Himalayas on a couple of Mars bars.
No, no, it wasn't Mars bars at all.
Cadbury's.
Cadbury's, that's right. Cadbury's made in India, not made in Tasmania.
Right.
With a hell of a lot more sugar, one would imagine.
I believe so.
Yes, I believe so.
So he lived, what, for 43 days or something?
Something like that.
Yes.
Now, you were highly suspicious, I think it's fair to say, of this achievement.
No, I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't. What happened was, interviewing the bloke, and he gave inconsistent – I'm getting him to tell his story.
I'm leading him down the path. What happened next? What happened then? What happened then?
He gave an inconsistent answer to two similar questions. And when he gave the second answer, he knew, he knew, by the way, he rose up like that, that he had made a mistake.
Right.
Because he was trying, on Harry Miller's instructions, to protect the possibility that he could get an endorsement for Cadbury's. And so he held that back.
And I, from that moment on, not before, from that moment on, when it had been shown to my eyes anyway, to be inconsistent, I was suspicious.
Yes.
And you don't have any idea of what might have happened up there for 43 days?
I don't care.
No.
Well, maybe he was only up there for half an hour.
There's not a story down there.
It was really cold, he had the chockeys, and managed to be found, really luckily, within the half hour. Is that more likely?
Look, I knew his story because the previous week I'd met the guy that he was hiking with, and I'd done an interview with that guy that had played on the previous week's program.
He'd told me the whole story. So it was for James to tell his story. I had no – there was no inquisitorial role on my part.
No.
I just let him down the line.
And did his story equate with the other chap's?
Up to the chocolate, yeah.
So there might have been a downside more than the chocolate one imagines possibly.
Oh, no. I don't think so. I don't know.
Well, why haven't Cadbury's got him and said, you know, here he is?
I think Harry put too big a price on it.
Oh, I don't know that. I think that.
Look, you're a member of the Australian Skeptics.
Yes, he's good.
That's fine. You don't like gullibility, do you? Do you like people?
Because you hate the gullibility of people, don't you?
I mean Geraldine Dougue says of you that you had enormous optimism which changed to awesome cynicism very, very quickly.
Fred Hollows says of you that you don't believe in anything.
Do you like people or not? You don't. Because they're suckers, aren't they?
And you dabble in magic so you can exploit – and enjoy exploiting the stupidity of people.
Do you think people are stupid? Is that fair enough?
Where's the question mark?
That's – it's not rhetorical. It's – I'm asking the question.
Do you think people are stupid?
Of course not. No, with Fred – I went to Eritrea with Fred.
Yeah.
And told him he was being stupid.
I did not. I mean, it was plain as the nose on your face that the Eritreans then were getting arms from Saudi Arabia.
Yeah.
And there was a price attached to it. There was a price attached to it.
The Eritreans were to influence their country's vote when they became a country against Israel.
I mean, that was the politics. I mean, anyone that is deeply interested in that knows that.
Fred would not accept for one moment that the Eritreans had won Kalashnikov from anywhere other than the taxi drivers in New York and Washington who were sending money over for the good cause.
I support the Eritreans. They have a wonderful cause. They're a wonderful people. But I thought Fred was a bit silly to imagine –
But Fred was just helping out people who were blind.
Exactly. A wonderful man. A wonderful man.
You leave a lot – when he died, the number of happy people he left behind were millions more than the number I were.
And I accept that and acknowledge that. He was a great man and a great Australian.
Right.
But it didn't stop me arguing with him when he was playing wrong.
Right.
Now, you're a great hobby magic magician. I think you bent a spoon for Sharon Stone at one stage.
I dropped a hankie for Margaret Thatcher once.
Yes, but when you picked it up there was something else in it.
No, no, let me tell you the story. It's one of these silly little things. It's silly. Anyone could do it. They're tuppence at a magic shop.
I pushed this red hankie in here and then lent her over and sent her a blow. And she bent from the waist and then she went back and she said,
Why should I? I said, Oh, well, because if you blow it will disappear.
And she said, Oh, I expect it to disappear. I'd be much more impressed if you could turn it blue.
Could you do that? Could you? That'd be some bloody trick, wouldn't it? Turn the bloody thing blue.
Wouldn't you wish you could have made Aunt LaBloody do that? That would have made her look stupid.
I think the blue hankie trick is a five dollar trick at any magic shop.
But what I wanted to develop was the connection between magic as a form of entertainment and current affairs as a form of entertainment.
And I think there is a bit of a link here. I think you perpetrated the so-called Carlos hoax some time ago.
And, you know, I know I was speaking with you before concerning a fraud,
which I concerning that with the scacing positioning of a film on an arrival network concerning the filming of Barcelona and pretending it was where Scace lived.
That was just fraud. There was no magic about that.
No, no. But my point is more is that have you adapted ideas out of the, you know, the world of presenting magic to the world of presenting current affairs?
No, but I will admit that in, you know, occasional difficult circumstances,
if you've got a bit of a frontary and you go up to a soldier and say you dropped his hankie, mate, look here now, blow, can I get through the roadblock?
Frontary and you go up to a soldier and say you dropped his hankie, mate, look here now, blow, can I get through the roadblock?
You've got a bit of chance if you haven't got a hankie and you've got a kangaroo badge on his lapel and that sort of thing.
So it's not really magic. But look, I mean, what I do is, you know, for round the dinner table, I'd never get to compete.
I don't want to present myself as competing with the pros.
No, no, no, I accept that. I accept that. It was more the more the ideas behind, you know, some of these things of, you know,
directing the gaze in that direction while you're fiddled about here before the crowd turns back, that sort of thing.
I think that's a very standard thing.
No, no, no, no. In current affairs, I mean. In current affairs.
There are a lot of cameras in current affairs.
Yeah, I know. But as a standard, pulling the head, so-called, is a standard aspect of magic.
Now pulling the head, I think it could be, you could claim there was a standard aspect of current affairs as well.
I don't know. Pulling the head in magic, may I say.
Oh, well, you just divert the gaze of someone.
Oh, I see.
While you are able to, yeah, while you're able to complete the trick.
Yeah, it's a long bow.
A long bow.
Quite a lot.
Mates of yours say that you do magic around the dining room table when people come around for dinner because you don't like talking to them.
Yeah, I know that's been the case. That's right.
Is that the case?
Well, amongst the half dozen pro magicians I know around the world, most of them are, you know, sort of slightly, you know, not right.
I didn't know that.
It tends to be a trade.
When are we going to get that story on 60 Minutes? All magicians are lunatics.
And you've got to be very careful with that sort of thing that you don't use it as an excuse for not talking to people. You've got conversational, haven't you?
Yeah, yeah. Well, we've got conversation tonight, but only because you didn't want to do a magic trick.
Yeah, well, I mean, that's because I'm portraying myself as a magician.
No, but we're not expecting Penn and Teller here.
We're expecting Mr. Teller.
But you saw Penn and Teller on the Carlos show.
You did. Yes, that's right.
They're a great duo.
Yes. Now, Richard, obviously you more than most would realise that we do have commitments here at the Channel 9 show and Australia.
Can you keep that clock ticking as a way of thanking Richard Kelton?
We've been together since way back when.
This year is going to be a winner again.
But I want you to know after all these years,
We're still having fun.
We're still the one.
We're still the one.
We're still the one.
We're still the one.
We're still the one.
We're still the one.
We're still having fun.
And we're still the one.
We're still the one.
We're still the one.
We're still the one.
Japanese, Italian singing water.
The drink that's looking for a fight.
Princess Di, Kurt Cobain, Michael Hutchins, Frank Sinatra.
In this 60 Minutes exclusive, we track down the celebrity killer.
Yeah, I did him. I hired him.
I'm Richard Kelton.
I'm Liz Hayes.
I'm Louis Nutter.
And I am HG Nelson.
All these stories and more tomorrow night on 60 Minutes.
Channel 9.
Yes, the Australian automotive industry or the automotive world in Australia was rocked this week by the news that Peter Brock is a bit bored of sitting around the house and is going to get back out and do what he does best.
And that's drive cars are bloody quick.
And Roy, what's Brocky up to?
What's he got on the cards?
What's the agenda?
Yeah, look, I don't know if the details have been fleshed out yet.
I don't know.
My understanding is it's a sort of round Australia rally.
But I don't know if it's just Brocky by himself.
I'd like to think it was.
And I think it's Brocky driving from Melbourne, taking in every capital city, including Townsville.
Not that it's a capital city, but I think he goes that far north.
Then to Ayers Rock.
Then up to Darwin via Broome to Perth.
Esperance, Adelaide back to Melbourne.
And I think it's a terrific opportunity for a lot of people who haven't seen Brocky at work, in particular kiddies, to get out there and have a look at Brocky.
Look, I don't know many other details apart from that.
My understanding is he's got to go to each GPO in those places and post a letter and sign a register and then head off again.
And I assume once he gets to Melbourne, they'll have clocked it, it might be 47 days, 56 hours, 22 minutes, 14 seconds, that he goes off again to try and beat that.
I think that's the idea.
Having collected the mail that he posted to himself on the way around.
That's exactly right.
That could work.
Now look, I'm wondering what school kiddies would get out of this.
I mean, Brocky moves at a bloody, he'd be up over a tonne and a half.
Say if he was sponsored by, say, the Commodore people, the Holden people, in one of those new Berlinas or something like that, HSV style vehicles.
And Brocky, if I was a kiddie standing out the front, I might go back like that.
I don't know whether that would be 150 kilometres an hour, my hand movement there.
But he'd be getting up there.
He'd be getting up there, yeah.
So what would kiddies get out of that?
Well, they wouldn't get much out of that, obviously.
But if schools, teachers could organise them to be around the GPOs.
Oh, true.
You'd see Brocky cruise in, he'd change gears and braking, you'd see all that.
You'd see how he opens a door, although the door might be fused, he might have to climb out the window.
Well, that's still Brocky.
He'd climb out the window, running up the steps.
The kiddies would be in there, he might sign a few autographs on his way.
Excuse me, Mr Brock, good day.
Sorry.
Signs to the register, posts to the mail, back into the cup.
You'd see all that.
And they would have done a project on Brocky.
Brocky, yes, yes, yes.
Where he's going, what he's doing.
And products that come from those areas.
Sorry, now, when the organisers, I don't know who'd be organising this rally, but Peter probably hadn't got time to do it all himself.
You know, what arrangements with the local police would he need to make?
Would it be sort of set the lights for green as I come through?
Yes, yes.
Or a police escort when he gets within say 100 kilometres of the GPO to which he was intending to go.
They could probably go and form a convoy.
They're more spectacular for the kiddies.
And then they'd see police people drive, how they drive, because they're really good drivers.
Maybe Brocky in front with them trying to catch up to him.
The sirens going.
Yeah, well they'd give Brocky a siren to put on him to be an honorary policeman.
Or a police person, that'd be a sort of ceremony just on the outskirts of town.
Do you swear to uphold the...
Yes, of course I do.
...on the camera.
He'd put a uniform on.
It'd be fabulous.
Yes, well it would be good.
Now the idea of him going round again to beat his time, I mean is it a best of ten run?
Something like that?
Well, I'd like to see him keep going until the kiddies don't turn up anymore.
Yes.
Roy, the other big news of the break this week, and I was shocked by this,
is that apparently the man who did much to popularise the underwater world
and obviously filmed it in the early days, Jax Cousteau, faked many of his early film work.
This story is apparently just rocking Europe at the moment.
It has been a BBC expose featuring Richard Carlton, I understand.
Roy, you've had a look at a lot of early Cousteau footage.
Have you seen anything in that footage that makes you think the scenes were cutted up?
Yeah, look, I think, you know, if you get, say, two flathead together, or two brim,
anything like that, you put them together, I can't tell the difference between them.
You know, they look the same to me.
You know, you can put them behind Richard Carlton, magic style, and pull them back out.
He might have swapped them, but I can bake it if I can tell.
And I think Jax Cousteau tweaked this pretty early on.
So he realised if you put a fish in a toaster or something like that stupid, and it dies,
well, you just replace it with another one, you know what I mean?
Coming out the other end.
And so it looks as if he's trained a fish to go through a toaster.
You know what I mean? And I think that's fair, because film is all about illusion.
Yes.
You know, all about illusion. Mel Gibson, when he was doing that Braveheart,
was all done with mirrors. They're only a cast of two.
There were bloody mirrors everywhere. That was the expensive bit.
Like, it's Olivier, you know, if he was upset and he had to cry,
he would pull those hairs out.
It would cut the tears.
It's illusion. Well, Jax was no different.
Except he could kill his bloody cast if he wanted to.
Nobody cared.
Well, in that memorable sequence where he gets a shark to eat a kerosene tin,
you know, with a brick inside it, and proved to the world that sharks are...
Sharks eat kerosene.
Revolutionised people's ideas about sharks. Well, he starved a shark for about six months...
Six months.
...before he got it loose.
He's a crew bugger. But he got great films out of it.
You know, I've experimented with... Look, I discovered if you do get, say,
like a flounder or a flathead, and you want to make a bit of a...
You want to give it a personality.
I found if you rip the fins off the left-hand side, tear them off...
Wingy.
...it wingy, then they'll swim to the left.
LAUGHTER
I found if you nick their mouths just with a knife, they grin.
LAUGHTER
So you can...
And if you get a needle and just dock it in the eye, in the right eye,
dock like that, not too far, because you don't want a bit of a humor
and that sort of stuff going on the lens.
Dock like that, you get a real personality. They wink.
LAUGHTER
As they go around.
Oh, they're great, though.
Because you can just...
Get them bloody shove sticks up their day.
LAUGHTER
And you can get them to do all sorts of things.
You can get them coming in like this. I don't know if you can see that.
You might have... Say they're two dead fish.
Just with sticks up them.
You make sure you don't see sticks. There's a stick here.
And you can have a gum.
LAUGHTER
You know what I mean?
You can do incredible things with dead bloody fish.
That's what sharks did.
Do you think the people of the world should feel treated?
No, why? They told a story.
LAUGHTER
They're fish, lovely, beautiful, friendly.
Sometimes they go a bit...
LAUGHTER
Now, my very good friends, the Channel 9 show has a policy
of showcasing the best the world of entertainment has to offer,
and tonight we continue to cash that check.
Australia, can you give a rowdy Channel 9 show welcome to René Geyer.
Who is heading in the right direction.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Yeah, thank you
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
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And I'll be back again next week with more innovations.
On the Channel 9 show, please welcome Wendy Harmer.
Wendy Harmer is fun, fun, fun, funny, fun. At the rising of the sun, when all is said and done. Wendy Harmer is fun. Is Wendy Harmer okay?
The funniest things to say at the start of every day. Just an F and wave away. It's a Wendy Harmer way. Wendy Harmer is fun.
I made it. Yeah, you handled the stairs beautifully. I had three anxiety dreams that I fell down those stairs like a sack of spuds at the beginning of the show. I made it and I'm very pleased to be here.
Now what have you else been dreaming about?
And at what stage in the dream should I say does the anxiety set in? Does the anxiety set in knowing you're going to do it or is it when you feel like the sack of spuds? Because I feel as though that would be anxious making if I was dreaming that.
Now let's talk football then. You got off badly with the AFL because as a kid you were forced to sit in the car while half the rest of the family went and watched the Geelong Cats go out.
Well my father played football would you believe until the age of 40. What an idiot. Yeah. He actually had his glasses taped to his head with gaffer and he used to play footy. He used to run around the paddock.
And the four of us would be watching dad yelling out you know, you know, come home. That sort of thing. Did you watch it from the car? Yeah, well you know, and we used to you know those country footy matches where everyone pulls the cars in.
Hong Kong. Hong Kong. Yeah and you have your sandwiches and so forth and then you get out at half time and collect bottles. Oh yeah. And get the returns on those. Yeah but I spent a good part of my childhood sitting in the car watching dad play footy.
Did you give him a honk whenever he got the ball? Yeah well the thing was I remember there was one particular incident where my brothers and sisters, we were standing there and dad was playing full back and the ball, this is at 40,
hit him on the, he had a bit of a tongue by this stage, hit him on the stomach and some guy yelled out, rubber guts! And we all fronted this guy and you know we stepped in defence. Yeah, actually squirrel grip out in the car park.
Now of course this would be a bit of a setback for an appreciation of the AFL you know being forced to watch it but I understand you've become, since you know obviously supporting the Geelong Cats briefly, you've become a bit of a rugby league convert.
I actually, I must be one of the few people in Australia who's gone the other way I think. Yeah. Because I think the thing about your game of rugby league is you don't get the squirrel grip you know around the edge of the pack sneaking, you know that kind of thing.
You just go out and rip the guy's head off in full view. And this is, you know it's got to be one of the last gladiatorial contests, you just neck the guy you know you just beat him to a pulp and that's it. And it's considered a good play. It's an honest game.
Do you find that exciting when you see blokes really hammering? You bet I do. Something real nice about it, I can't exactly explain what it is but it's you know. But you have taken on the hardest club to support haven't you?
Oh well I haven't. We're talking about the Manly Sea Eagles. And we're talking about the burden of not only the history of all that, the current problems with the team not going so well.
Greatly misunderstood team. Yeah. Yes. By who? You couldn't get a nicer, you go down the Manly Leagues club, I'm sorry you go down the Manly Leagues club on a Friday night after you've had a big game.
Beautiful spot. Cliffy's down there. It's great. David Gillespie in a cement in his day. There's a big drinking school on, you couldn't wish to meet a nice bunch of gents.
That's right. Well that's Rugby League. It is Rugby League. All rugby league. Look I don't want to change the table but I am.
We're talking about the Manly club forever and get nowhere because there's nowhere to go with it. But you I read knocked back an offer to appear on the Fox cable networks Beauty and the Beast.
I find that very hard to believe. Why did you knock that back? A golden opportunity. Stan Zemanek. Yes. Would be the number one reason.
I don't think you have to go any further. What did you say to them? How did the offer come? Well, yeah, I actually I did the role, I don't know whether, it was pretty rude.
But I rang them and I said basically he's the kind of guy I'd chew my own arm off to get away. You know how sometimes you have that bad experience where you sit next to the nutter on the bus with the, you know, with the travel bag and the beanie.
How would you front up every week to do it in a studio? You pointed this out to them, did you? Yeah I did actually. I haven't been off on anything else since, you know. But no I think there's enough sort of right wing peanuts running around the place without actually sort of going and sitting next to one.
Do you miss doing stand up? Yeah I do sometimes. I actually recently went to see Victoria Wood come perform in Sydney and I was sitting in the audience and I suddenly thought crikey, I could do this.
I could do this. I, you know, I did do this and I said yeah I think probably when the radio days are over I might get back up there. Is it hard getting up and being funny every bloody morning of the week at an ungodly bloody hour? Honestly I don't know how you do.
Well, you sort of get paid, you know, like that's the gig, you know. So no, I have one, I love it. It's a great job. It really is. I mean you've got a great job. What other job do you get where you actually purposefully, you get paid to go and just have a cat every night?
That's true. That's not bad is it? No it's good. And you don't, really we do have a cat every day. The only other better job I can think of is playing rugby league. When you get your head knocked off. Have you met Bozo Fulton? No I haven't. Is he a goose?
He's actually, no I haven't met him but I actually have seen him driving in the car. I saw him sort of speed through Colorado, you know, clip. This was when the site was losing those. My husband said there's Bozo as he sort of into the distance.
Was he speeding? No, seatbelt on. They're gents, you know, it's now. And he would tell you, his mother Shirley would tell you, Shirley is 78 and she's a big old nanny Warrington. They're a greatly misunderstood team.
Right. Well I think you've turned me right around now. Yeah I'm on board. I'm on Bozo Fulton. What do you barrack for? Do you have a team? I support in the rugby league the Parramatta Reels. You do? Yes I do.
I support the Parramatta Reels. I'll never forget that night when they won all those years ago and Jack Gibson got up and said, ding dong the witch is dead.
Well, I don't know. Who's the trivia guy? I can't remember anything else about it.
My conversion to rugby league came, my husband Brendan, he took me to the SFS and we were sitting there and Jack Ellsgood was playing on the wing and I'm like, rugby league is really boring.
He's a hunk. Yeah, not to find a point on it. And someone was sort of bearing down on him with a great kind of rate of knots and unbidden, I jumped up and yelled out, not the face! You know.
I was a convert after that basically. Right, so it's become a cathartic thing for you. You really do relate very closely to it.
I even will listen to Wilco do the call and then you know, so you know whether you're in for a big night or not. You see, if your husband goes to the footy and you stay home and you listen to the call, you know whether to get the lingerie out in the club colours or not.
Yes. So he can take you through the big hits play by play.
Would you like the footy show? Would you go on the footy show? I think the footy show is one of the funniest shows. I don't know whether you saw this, they had a contest on recently where they have a contest where they have a player and they have the players great fan.
And they say who knows the most about the player. And I saw Ryan Gerdler, he plays for Penrith doesn't he? He was asked what colours are your eyes and he got it wrong. Now, that is classic comedy, you just can't, you cannot write that stuff.
No. Especially from rugby league.
You can't write that stuff there with your marks problems. Look, do you think Peter Costello has been taking grinning lessons?
Oh, Peter, yeah, well, yeah.
He turned the smirk right up to an idiotic grin at some stage this week.
I think, do you know what I reckon? I reckon that they, you know how they shoot him from the waist up?
Yeah.
I reckon that probably when he's announcing cuts to hospitals and things, there might be a bit of action in the trouser department.
They should shoot him from the waist down.
I mean, I always love when they kind of, I don't know, last year you might remember they tried to humanise, you know, they always try to humanise the treasurer. So you see him sort of walking through country glades in open neck shirts.
They had him on Birksback yard last year. Did you see his garden? Did anyone here see his garden on Birksback? There was not a living thing.
It was like it had been nuked.
Do you think he's got a, you know, Richard Caltrans has got a head that everyone would love to have a punch.
Do you think Peter Costello has the same sort of punchability factor?
Not definitely. He's got to be one of those kids at school, wipe that smirk off your face, Costello.
You know, he's got to be one of those. But I think really, I mean, a surplus anyway is not sexy.
See, for my money, Paul Keating managed to make a deficit really kind of sexy in a sadomasochistic kind of way.
It's hurting you but you're loving it.
So Keating was more a sort of Jack Ilsegoode sort of treasurer. Well, what's Costello?
Oh, Costello, what sort of treasurer is he? I mean, you know, the treasury broadcasts of course. I mean, it's the sort of thing you threaten small children with, isn't it?
It's boring, you know. I always, I think what they should do is busk it a bit, you know, jazz it up.
And I think what they could do is say when he's announcing the ABC budget, for instance, he could get that black cloth cap,
he could put it on his head and he could say, you will be taken from this place and hung by the neck until you are dead.
Very slowly. Yeah, that's right. I mean, he could kind of, he could have a barrel.
And a wheel. When he announces a tax rebate or something, they could dip in and the lucky family who's going to get it, they could pull it out.
Announce it on you. There's a million ways to jazz the thing up but it's pretty boring. Yeah, it is.
And he's a, no, he's... Do you think he's modeled himself on Keating? Can you see the similarities?
I think maybe the physicality but he hasn't got the language, the metaphor, the simile, the glamour, the...
The hammer. He hasn't got the suit. He hasn't got a lot of things.
He's still got a fair way to go. No, it's so funny.
Look, Wendy... And the reefie's made a complete goose of himself, so, you know, maybe he's on the inside running at the moment.
Look, we could talk politics all night and probably will. We couldn't be.
Wendy, working at Today FM, you'd appreciate the problem of commitments here at the Channel 9 show.
Nine is, can you smash all the big hits as a way of thanking Wendy Hammer? Thank you.
Wendy Hammer.
For the first time on television...
from every state and territory.
Sale of the century state of origin university challenge.
The ultimate test of knowledge by the students.
We're up there with these guys.
Sales university challenge starts seven o'clock Monday.
Hello it's me City, back with even better five ring gold medal deals on wheels.
Look, cars, cars, cars, all Olympic village full of cars, both used and new.
As my missus says, if you're selling cars at those prices, don't come home.
Don't come home City.
See, you see me and twist my arm for Olympic games winning gold medal deal.
As my very good mate Kevin Pusper says, with the Olympic games, everybody's a winner.
Big beasts have got huge beasts.
Hot, firm, hot, soft, all baby, funny, and divine.
The phone will phone, call double zero, double two, double six, double nine, switch.
A life-saving limb for a lame pony.
Here you go Ruby, new shoes.
The sorry tale of an endangered panda.
The Outback's mobile vet.
Plus a happy bait for a sad seal.
Animal Hospital 7-Hobby Bulls Day Online.
And now it's time for Come On In Ray.
21 games to play, at the business end of the day.
It's time for Come On In Ray. Yes, Come On In Ray.
Yes, once again it's time to play Come On In Ray, where you get a chance to win fabulous prizes,
simply by wondering whether Ray is behind door A, door A, or door Y.
And who's the lucky contestant this evening? Roy.
I see, we've got Joy joining us. Come on, enjoy. How are you?
Yes, come on in Joy.
Good, thanks for coming. Joy, you've, I'll get you to face the camera if that's alright with you.
You've come down from Queensland just to see the show.
Yes. What part of Queensland?
Surfers Paradise.
Surfers Paradise, how are things going at Surfers Paradise?
Terrific, absolutely terrific.
You like it up there?
Love it.
You've always lived there?
No.
When did you move there?
14 years ago.
You don't regret a moment on it?
Not a moment.
Isn't that tremendous?
You've had a lot of rain up there recently.
Yes, but you needed it.
Did you? Yes, I noticed they had to call the racers up there today.
Did they?
Yes, it was a very, very sad moment.
I've been down here for a fortnight.
Oh, have you been enjoying the rain down there?
So you haven't come down just for the show at all. That was a lie.
What about Schoolies Week? Do you like Schoolies Week?
It's the second reason, not the second reason.
Oh, the second reason.
Yes.
Schoolies Week, no.
Do you like Schoolies Week?
We love Schoolies Week.
We love Schoolies Week.
I love the kiddies.
The kiddies, that's right.
Now are you prepared to take the challenge?
I am.
Okay, you've got to pick which door Ray might be hiding. Can we have the knock please?
Ah, that must be Ray.
Could you see where he is? These are the knobs.
Knock again.
Yes, knock again.
Can we hear Ray knocking again?
Thank you.
Oh, the knocks get weaker.
Doesn't give you much of a clue.
How about that one?
This one?
Yeah.
Okay.
Look at that.
And of course there was Lizzie Hayes there and I think you remember in the middle there.
Well, that was wonderful.
Congratulations, Joy. You're going to have nine seconds at the Sutcliffe of soup.
And of course you get the apron that's yours to keep, never mind how much soup stuff you get together.
And Roy, the implements if you don't mind.
Yes, the implements. You can use this or if you wish to use your hands, that's fine.
Yes, we've got bacon bones here, we've got pumpkins, we've got...for the dogs, no, for you.
We've got the chicken meat.
I'm making stock.
And we've got the chicken meat here. Are you ready? You've got nine seconds. Ready? One, two, three.
Ah, well done.
You don't want a few chickpeas to go in there.
No, that's good.
You just kind of boil it all up.
That's right.
Boil it all up.
Come on in, Ray. A game to have all the fun of playing Come on in, Ray, at home with you and your family.
It's a tremendous game. Hours of fun inside there.
And the photographs.
Oh.
There we go. There we are. I'll put that there.
Yes, just to prove it.
Now you've got everything, Joy. Congratulations.
Thank you.
Thank you for playing Come on in, Ray.
Thank you.
Yes, thanks, come on in, Ray. Come on in, Ray.
Yes. Well, look, sadly, that brings us to the end of another week on the Channel 9 show, Roy.
But we do have an offer, a wonderful offer, a very generous offer.
And firstly, can I preface my comments about the offer saying all the George Neguses have gone.
At last, we've managed to get rid of George, that marvellous photo of George,
which is now adorning many, many rooms across the nation.
But what's on offer this week, Roy?
Actually, we have a marvellous shot of Brian Johns, the managing director of the ABC.
It's called The Captain's Patch. $499 frame, $49.95 unframed.
It's a beautiful shot. Look at that detail. It really is wonderful.
And our switchboard operators are in situ now, phone immediately with credit card details.
That'll be a marvellous present.
It would make a wonderful gift. Obviously, Christmas is just around the corner and Father's Day isn't that far away.
Oh, it's not that far away. A photograph of Brian would just look wonderful.
Roy, what will you be up to in the coming set of seven?
Look, I'm not too sure, actually. I know we have got a couple of tickets to see Catchphrase.
Yes. To be in the audience of Catchphrase.
Well, that would be good. So I'm going to go along and have a look at that just to see how they put it together.
Because it confused me for a long while, that show. I didn't get it.
No. But now I've sort of sorted it out.
You've got to marry the clues in the pictures to the words or the phrases.
And it's a tremendous show now. Baby John's really hit the mark.
Do you think you'll be shouting out the answers to the...
Of course. Oh, yeah. No bull, for example. Right. Things like that.
Or pull the pin. Pull the pin. Yeah.
It's Axe Baners. Well, look, I've got a very big week.
India's got the bomb.
The FA Cup tonight, of course, and tomorrow I've got, you know, Carlton on West Coast at Subiaco Oval.
And then, of course, I'll be back on the Eastern Seaboard for Writers Week.
I love Writers Week. Love it, isn't it?
Yeah. Just hearing people yabber about things they know bugger all about after they've written books about it.
Are you going to take the David Williamson session?
I'd love to. That would be a popular session. But if I can get a ticket,
or maybe cash in my Baby John Burgess Catchphrase ticket for that...
OK. I might be able to get... Swap someone. Swap someone.
And this week, the Channel 9 show leaves you with a final tip of the hat
in the direction of Francis Albert Sinatra.
Here this evening, Tom Berlinson is supported on keyboard by Michael Harrison
and their rendition of One for My Baby.
See you next week, Niners!
So set him up, Joe
I got a little story
I think you should know
We're drinking, my friend
To the end
Of a brief episode
Make it one for my baby
And one more for the road
I got the routine
Put another nickel
In the machine
Feeling so bad
Can't you make the music
Easy and sad
I could tell you a lot
But you've gotta be
True to your code
Just make it one for my baby
And one more for the road
You'd never know it
But buddy, I'm a kind of poet
And I've got a lot of things
I'd like to say
And when I'm gloomy
Won't you listen to me
Till it's talked away
Oh, that's how it goes
And Joe, I know you're getting
Anxious to close
So thanks for the cheer
I hope you didn't mind
My bend in your ear
But this torch that I found
It's gotta be drowned
Or it soon might explode
So make it one for my baby
And one more for the road
The long, very long
The long, it's so long