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And HD is rated M for mature audiences and contains nudity.
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From the TCN9 studios Sydney, the Channel 9 show.
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With the current affairs, the Richard Carlton Experience, special guest Dwayne Goss, Sally Stegel and Peter Angre.
And now our host for the night, HG Nelson and Rampaging Roy Swabin.
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Yes, thanks very much indeed Ian Taps Tabby, thanks very much indeed the current affairs and thanks very much indeed the Richard Carlton Experience. Hi there consumers and welcome to the Channel 9 show on another Saturday night and what an action packed wheeze we have steaming on the hot plate here at the Channel 9 headquarters this evening.
But before we suck it and sleee and jump into bed before that Easter rabbit does come, hop, hop, hopping along, Rampaging Roy Swabin who or what has been sticking the head up out of the trenches down your end of the swamp this week, Squire.
Thank you very much HG Nelson. George Michael. Yes.
There's a lesson there, there's a lesson there for us all, our tourists going overseas, be careful in public toilets.
It does bear out I think Heisenberg's uncertainty principle that the observation of experiment changes the nature of an experiment.
There's a poor bloke going to a public toilet not doing anything wrong, just there you know doing whatever he does.
In a cubicle by himself looks over his shoulder and sees a couple of blokes on the pier and over the top.
Well obviously especially if you're in show business you're going to show off, you're going to put on an act, you're going to give them a bit of pizzazz, you're going to drop the trousers and get involved and he gets pinged.
The bloke did nothing wrong just as he's in show business.
There's a lesson there for people in show business, coming from Australia for example, going to London, going overseas, different mores, you've got to understand the mores of the culture.
You can't just swat in to a toilet and do whatever you bloody well like. Well look I was caught short at Wynyard Station. Well who hasn't been?
I stepped in, I addressed the porcelain and a person came in with a wooden hammer and started banging on the pipes. I didn't think there was anything funny about that.
You had a policeman's uniform? Not quite. He had a beautiful red robe on and a horse hair wiggled and was banging away guilty as charged, my lord. That sort of thing.
Yeah who got charged? You did. He got a whap. He scarpered me. Now look why I raise that is I think public toilets owe it to tourists to put up a bit of a signage about local rules.
Do's and don'ts. Don't do anything if you've been watched.
Or showbiz can happen here. Yes. You know if you want to. Yes, if you want to have a look come on in.
Yes. And now on the Channel 9 show customers can you welcome a man who did the impossible. This man escaped from politics and resumed a life as an ordinary citizen. Can you please welcome Wayne Goss.
Once a time he was Queen's last boss. Then came the day he was the nation's last Wayne Goss.
Wayne alive and well again. Wayne a brand new start again. Now he doesn't give a toss about bridges to cross. Welcome to our shed Wayne Goss.
Well Wayne thanks very much for coming in and obviously we have to talk about Queensland. Now Queensland over the years have thrown up a lot of very interesting people on the political front.
You know there's obviously going back there's Patrick Albert Field was one where I thought hello things happen differently in Queensland going back many many years.
You know Flo Joe Tanty what's his first name? Frank Tanty. Bruce Davidson the bloke who wants to import the black rhino into North Queensland. Why is this? Why does and disproportionate to anywhere else in Australia why is it that Queenslanders are interesting politically?
Will you note they're all conservatives that you've mentioned then. But I could mention Bill Hayden what a long distance he's travelled in his life. I thought he was going to come out for the Queen there at the Constitutional Convention. He's not in the Labour Party anymore. I understand that.
I'm not sure I think it's the weather. I think there might be something in the water at Parliament House that affects people. Russ Hins was another one. Ah yes he's my favourite. He was a special.
I've had some interesting experiences with most of them. But some strange people I don't know what it is. Fortunately I've escaped entirely any of the symptoms myself.
In fact you're far too sane really for a long career in Queensland politics. I can say that here south of the Tweed but you know obviously up there if I wanted to go into politics you know there'd be a lot of this into the camera wouldn't there? Weirder.
Well especially these days one of the last great reforms of the Goss government was to give television to Parliament, to the proceedings of Parliament. So at question time they get to poke a lot of faces at each other now and it's very edifying indeed.
How's Rob Borbidge going? How would you mark the Borb say out of ten?
Well the Borb was a very good opposition leader and he still does it very well.
Yeah.
I think if I can just say to you privately here tonight I think they got into office before they were ready.
That can't be right can it?
A bit short on the policy side and now you've got well actually we'll have an election in the next month or two the sooner the better because as soon as they have it I'll be free.
Right.
But it's surprisingly close it's on a knife hitch.
Now let's just talk about you for a moment Wayne. You were a member of the Phantom Club is that right?
Absolutely.
What did you get? What did you get as a member and how did you become a member? Did you just fill out the form of the Phantom comics?
Oh no no I had to win an election and when I won the election they made me a patrolman.
Yes.
When I won the second election I got promoted to Major.
Right.
I got boxer shorts, I got the tie, I got the lapel badge, I got a purple bust of the Phantom on my desk at home and a few other knick knacks.
Did you get the rings, the ring that leaves the skull on the face and the peace sign ring, the weird one?
No I mean I think the sort of people who get those are people who are into gimmicks, people who don't really respect the Phantom, the ghost who walks and who would seek to, I see you covering up your fingers there.
No no no. I'm covering up the skull mark.
What about Old Jungle Sames, do you have any favourites? Mine was always the Phantom is rough with rough necks. Is there any that appeal to you?
Well I like the one when the Phantom moves, he moves.
Gee I don't know that one. I know there's some nights the Phantom walks the streets dressed as an ordinary man, this is one of those nights.
It's in a purple jumpsuit. Yes that's right. Sunglasses.
Wasn't the film a disappointment, the recent film biopic on the Phantom, very very disappointing I thought.
It was actually, I went down to see the filming at the Movie World Studios down the Gold Coast and Met Billy's Sane.
In fact it was close to the end of my tenure, I was nearly going to say reign but you can't say it.
We're all republicans nowadays and after we did press conference together the mob then assailed me about whatever the problems were in Queensland that particular day.
I then spoke to him afterwards and he couldn't believe their treatment of someone as good looking and as articulate as myself.
Now just with the Phantom for a minute, going back what I always liked were the offers on the back page, the stamp collection and learn to play the guitar like you were clapped in three minutes.
Did you go in for any of those? No. What parents wouldn't allow it or never thought of it? Talent deficiency.
I think the stamp bloke had a patch, was capping someone's bloody stamps or other. You were taught by George Negus at high school weren't you?
Well he was one of the number of teachers that I had to sort of break in.
How did you find George? Did he wield the strap or the cane? How was he?
No, very warm and fuzzy George. Did he have the handlebar mustache then or the long hair?
No facial hair, I mean he was pretty trendy. Was he a shorts and long socks man?
Yes and we always thought it was odd with the leather patches on.
What was his discipline? Was it manual arts or what?
I can't remember, I think it was English and geography. He didn't make an impression?
Didn't make an impression on me at all but I made an impression on him because many years later when he was interviewing me he recalled me being a student at the school.
And you didn't remember him as a teacher? Oh vaguely, there were so many of them. Right, and they were all like George Negus.
I read a quote of yours saying that you can't make money in politics. Is this true?
Well, no that's not entirely true. Russ Hins and some people made a lot of money.
Warwick Pear essentially, am I right?
Yeah well it's politics and coal mining I think. No you can't make a lot of money in politics but...
But I thought the last Prime Minister left a millionaire, didn't he?
Yeah I'm not sure how much he had when he went in.
Well the boy from Bankstown, I don't know if you're led to believe he didn't have much at all. Surely he could make a bit out of politics.
Well I suppose when you're getting all that advice from the people at Treasury...
You'd be silly not to take it. You'd be silly to hang onto your dollars if they were plunging in value, wouldn't you?
Speaking of our former PM, you didn't like him much did you? And probably still don't.
What was the problem between you two? Why couldn't you smoke the peace pipe? What was the problem?
Well we did smoke the peace pipe a number of times but the problem with Paul was that when I disagreed with him...
Then I was a problem. When I agreed with him I was a very good judge of character.
But isn't it standard form for Queensland Premiers to bag Canberra all the time? Isn't that the standard form?
Well it does come with the instruction kit when you get sworn in but I always got on pretty well with Bob Hawke.
And I got on very well with Paul Keating quite a lot of the time but it was sort of hot and cold.
Paul had a bit of an attitude that if you agreed with him, as I said before, things were great.
But if you didn't then you were clearly wrong. And I got a bit of Irish in me and we'd clash.
And I remember one Premiers conference, we had a number of new Premiers. I think we had Richard Court, Dean Brown from South Australia.
All the biggies. Anyway there was a few new ones there and I was really dark in terms of being...
This is our story, being done on the Medicare deal. And words were exchanged. I remember Paul saying something like...
Well you were stupid weren't you? In other words, to sign the agreement first.
And I said well don't ever ask us to sign first again. And there were some colourful adjectives included in this exchange.
And I remember looking around at my colleagues and they were looking at us and saying, these people are on the same side.
With your operation, have you got private health insurance at all?
No, I think the term is I self-insure.
You self-insure? How does that work? What do you mean?
Well we had a brawl with one of the health funds back in 1984 and ever since then I paid my own insurance.
And we're still in front, even with a brain tumour operation.
Right, right. So is Medicare the big problem in Queensland as it appears to be in New South Wales and Victoria?
Right across the country. Right across the country. Health costs are galloping away and no government wants to pay for it.
The federal government and the states both want to pass it to the other.
I'm trying to get out of politics.
No, no, I understand that. Well I'll get you out of politics. Look, you spend a lot of time riding your bike and surfing.
Now what are you throwing a leg over? What sort of bike is it? What have you got?
Have you got something with about 18 gears and does all the work for you? Alloy wheels?
Well, 21 gears. 21 gears? Bloody hell. You wouldn't have to ride it.
You say go. Take me to town.
What is it? Is it a Repco or is it a Speedwell?
I don't know. I don't know. It's a hybrid. It's a hybrid between a...
A Repco and a Speedwell.
Between a road bike and a mountain bike.
That's a Melbourne Star.
Melbourne Star is what I had when I was a kid.
Now you also ride a surfskate. What are you riding? And where do you ride it?
Well, I ride it at...Rainbow Bay was the last place. Stradbroke Island.
And on Monday I'll be a little place just south of Yamber in New South Wales where there's a couple of very good beaches there.
And what is it that you're riding? Do you think of upgrading? And if you say what would you upgrade to?
Well, I've just upgraded about three or four years ago from a Lightning Bolt, but I got a Bar and Bar.
To a slightly shorter Dart ski, which is terrific if you're fit and you're skiing regularly.
But when you're not, you tend to fall off a lot more.
Colleagues used to say of you that you never had fun. Are you having more fun now?
Well, I feel a lot better. I mean, when I made the announcement that I was getting out of politics, got up and read it in the paper the next morning, I felt better.
So I thought, well, that's a pretty good niche at erst.
Now, Queenslanders tend to think the rest of Australia sees them differently and the rest of Australia tends to think of Queenslanders as different.
Is this a true position, a true reflection of the state of play?
Well, it is, sadly. I mean, one of the things I wanted to do when we got elected was to pull down the dingo fence and reintroduce Queensland to the rest of Australia.
I think we made the place respectable again for a while, but it seems to be going off the tracks again. Not permanently, I hope.
Right. Have you got a gun around the house at all, Wally?
No, no.
Well, that's a good start.
And here are the plans.
Keep it in the car.
I'm one of those nice rats behind the wall of you.
Now, how's the business career going? You're talking about a third career, obviously, you know, working as a lawyer, then politics and now a third career in business.
How are the opportunities coming your way?
Well, I've had a number of approaches. Some of them you wouldn't pay for 40 foot stick at, but there are some national companies that think I can actually do something for them.
My plan is to get about three, maybe four days work a week and leave the rest of the week to see what's left of the imagination I put on the shelf about 15, 20 years ago.
And get the surf ski out a bit more.
Oh, absolutely. Yes. Starting Monday.
Yes. Well, look, Wayne, we could talk all night, but as you know, at the Channel 9 show, we do have commitments.
Australia and Channel 9ers, can you thank Wayne Goss?
It's gonna be a winner again.
You're still the one.
Still the one.
Yeah.
La la la, la la la, la la la.
Do you fit out public sex?
Pardon?
I think it's cheat time.
For sure.
Hands in the air, it's cheat time.
In the air.
Leonardo's liquid dog butter.
I've had enough.
Ever been taken to the cleaners?
Are you gonna support your staff or are you gonna lie down and die?
Elvis can fix it.
Hey Tonka! The moles had an idea!
Yeah, what is it?
Oh Kelly! Oh Kelly!
We kill wheels.
Yeah!
All year in 98.
You gave her an alibi?
Good guys, bad guys.
This venue, it's beautiful.
Tuesday, 9.30 on Nine.
Channel Nine!
Yes, from time to time the Channel Nine show will bring you Olympic updates throughout the year in the build up to the year 2000.
And Roy 1 Antonio Samaranch is about to blow back into Sydney to have a look at how the preparations are going.
And I understand that he's gonna look at his digs while he's here for the big Olympic blow off.
And he's gonna be billeted at Government House.
He's gonna unroll his swag down there at Government House in the botanical gardens for those who are familiar with Sydney.
Well isn't this a wise idea to put up Warrn in Government House?
What's the state of the old arc down there?
Look, I think it's a premature decision.
I think Warrn or a delegation from Warrn should have a look at Government House to begin with.
When I was there recently there is rising damp.
And I don't think that's good enough for Warrn.
There is falling damp.
I know there's a fair bit of rot in the timbers.
Which isn't good either.
And I think we've got to look at the whole question of how we should behave.
When Warrn's here, when Warrn is here, I think all the public have got to relate to him.
Behave in a way that makes him feel absolutely at home and comfortable.
I think there should be a curfew, say between 8 o'clock at night and 8 in the morning.
And anyone seen out and about between those hours can be shot.
I think Helms should be on Warrn alert.
24 hours a day.
There could be a knock at the door.
Could be Warrn.
You should be ready for him.
How should they be?
Have Paella ready.
Have Poon.
Have Young Quill.
Have anything ready there for him to do with as he pleases.
And if you see Warrn, people should bend over the nearest object.
Or just in on my eyes.
Just in on my eyes.
If it's a table you just bend over.
Obviously with your head out, so you can say, well this way, so you can say, yes excellency.
With your head like that.
And if there's nothing to lie on, say a car boot or a table or something like that, you should just lie on the ground.
Prone!
And if you don't do that, you should be shot!
Speaking of government house, there should be somewhere, an area there, where Warrn can watch people being shot.
No stranger to that sort of caper.
Now Roy, two things that worry me about, government house at the moment is open on several days of the month for the public to stroll through.
It worries me a little bit about they might catch Warrn doing something that wasn't normally done.
Well you've got to turn a blind eye.
Yes, you've just got to look our way.
The other thing is the outside toilet.
Unlike policeman in public toilets.
Indeed, I was just going to come to the outside toilet there, it's a fair step.
Down to the outside toilet, there's a couple of corridors to get around, especially at night.
Are we going to have to go in for...
We're going to have to put a tunnel.
Tunnel!
A tunnel!
An underground tunnel.
A Warrn tunnel.
They're not with a conveyor belt.
So no matter where the bloke's sitting, anywhere in government house he just presses a button.
Up the go.
On to the conveyor belt.
Down to the conveyor belt, up.
I think he's got to get off that chair and get onto the toilet.
It doesn't matter.
They can work that out.
They can have people there.
Warming it.
Yeah, so warming it.
Move from one to the other.
He'll immediately get prone as soon as he comes out.
Sorry, excellency.
Just bend over.
Yeah, in he comes.
In he comes.
Now, Rui, one other aspect of this is surely the officials, this is SOCOG, don't intend
to bring Warrn in through Mascot Airport because the bloke does travel with unusual gear which
would alert sniffer dogs and things like that.
You know, I'd hate an international incident to occur because this would set back the Olympic
movement and the SOCOG and the whole effort towards 2000.
What, Warrn arrested?
Well, Warrn busted in the toilet at Mascot with a couple of sniffer dogs and some sort
of flower idea that's a plain flower idea in the suitcase.
Yeah, sure.
Now, Rui, how are we going to do with this?
Well, there's always Bankstown Airport.
We could just earmark that for him.
Well, bring him in by boat.
Oh, that's my theory.
Bring him in by boat.
At night.
The dead of night.
Because I know that area is pretty well protected at the moment.
Just bring him in and make him feel absolutely at home as soon as he saw the dogs in the
guards.
Yeah.
Say hello, I'm here.
Like that.
I'm home.
I never want to leave again.
Yeah, sure.
So, Patrick's are done, ladies.
Of course they would.
Right.
Now, Rui, moving on also, we've got a huge ticketing problem.
I did see this week, I think it was Cabinet.
The Federal Cabinet now want their whack of tickets, otherwise they're not going to fund
the bugger.
How many do they want?
Well, I think they want a couple of hundred each and they've got a few mates and so on.
And then, of course, the International Athletics, Amateur Athletics Federation boss, Dr. Nibolo.
Nibolo, yeah.
Yeah, Nibolo.
Isn't he a bit of a quack?
Nibolo.
Look, I tell you what, he wants 22,000 tickets.
22,000 tickets!
Yeah.
So between-
Capsule for his family.
That's right.
Between Cabinet and Nibolo, there's going to be bugger all left for the people of Sydney.
Well, that's not really a problem.
I don't know if anyone in Sydney wants to go.
No, that was me next time.
I don't know.
But I think the politicians should be able to get whatever they want.
We've just heard from Wayne, you can't make any money on a politics.
I mean, you're only going to get into politics if you can get something out of it.
That's true.
And if there's the hint, the sniff-
Of an Olympic ticket.
Or a couple of tickets, you have people queuing up to want to become politicians.
No problems there.
The other thing is, I've been out to Homebush.
I've had a look at it with the Royal Easter show in town.
It's not bloody big enough.
So when do you begin?
What isn't big enough?
With your readers, you should be able to sit millions of people there.
Millions are going to want to go.
You know, I'm for a first-in-best-dress policy.
So just queue up-
You just queue up-
And say, four in the morning, and you get a ticket in Rosend, because there'll be so
many in front of you.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Politicians, you know, Juan, etc.
What's his name?
Nehobolo.
Nehobolo, yeah.
Yeah, his lot.
But Roy, the other thing is, we're now down to, I think, only one in five people in Sydney
think they're going to get a ticket.
I mean, it's a fluttering candle, the Olympic movement, over in the corner of some dressing
shed out there, some agricultural pavilion.
How are we going to get petrol on?
How are we going to start a flame?
How are we going to get a bushfire sweeping out there and consuming the city?
Government house, mascot, the boat, and all that sort of stuff.
How are we going to get that happening?
Well, we'll let Juan take over the arrangement, so they go, she.
Anyone who doesn't go to the Olympics will be shot.
Speaking of death, Niner's a very dear friend of the Channel 9 show, dropped off the twig
earlier this week, and the current affairs have been up night after night this week,
preparing a very, very special tribute.
This is Kenny Rogers's friend.
That's right, Kenny Rogers's friend.
This tribute is to Tammy Winnett and everything that Tammy has meant to planet Earth.
Here they are then.
The current affairs with Stand By Your Man.
You have bad times, and he'll have good times
Doing things that you don't understand
But if you love him, you'll forgive him
Even though he's hard to understand
And if you love him, oh be proud of him
Cause after all, he's just a man
Stand by your man, give him two arms to cling to
And something more to come to when nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your man, and show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man
Stand by your man, and show the world you love him
And keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man