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classes it became apparent that the fathers had a real need to know that they were not
alone in what they were feeling as new dads. And now you won't either.
This program is a unique way for dad and baby to spend quality time together. They're bonding,
they're exercising together, and most importantly they're having fun. And now you can too in
the comfort of your own home. Make sure it's been about 30 minutes since
baby's eaten. Make sure it's not too close to baby's nap time. Choose a carpeted area
and make sure you have enough room to move around. Have a towel and a baby blanket nearby.
Always support your baby's head. Maintain proper body alignment at all times. Stop exercising
if your baby cries or becomes fussy. Stop exercising if you experience any pain or discomfort,
including dizziness or shortness of breath, and consult your physician.
This program is not recommended for babies over 20 pounds.
Let's warm up with baby. Any of you with older children at home, they can stand with you
and hold a doll just like I am. We're going to hold baby in the middle of our body. We're
always going to support baby's head. We want our knees and toes at a diagonal. We're going
to be lunging side to side. Here we go to the side. One, two, two more. Three, one more.
Now we're going to take it down and up in the center. Down, press up. Two, as you come
up, make sure your knees are slightly bent. No locked knees here. Side to side. Side.
Two, two more. Three, and four. Down and up. It's down, press up. Two, press up. Two more.
Three, and four. And as we take it to the side, make sure your knees stay above ankle,
not going beyond toes. Three, and four. It's center. Down up. One, press up. Two, it's
up. Three, press. Four, side to side. It's side. The baby's in the middle of your body.
Head is always supported. Down and up. One, and up. Two, press up. Two more. Three, and
four. Side to side. It's side. Two, three, and four. Center. Down and up. Down, press
up. Two, press up. Three, side to side. Side. Two more. Three, and four. It's center. Down
and up. Down and up. Down and up. Now lunge right and left. Here we go side to side. Okay,
let's march the next one out. We're going to change position of babies. We're going
to put baby in a cradle position with their head resting in your arm. We're going to march
forward and hold. We're going to march back and hold. Then get ready for some baby curls.
Here we go. Toward me for four, three, two. Now hold. Hold. Take it back. Back. Two, three,
and hold. Hold. Get ready for some baby curls. It's curl. All right. Three. Four more. Four.
Three. Two more. Two. Toward me for four. Four, three, two, and hold. Hold. Step back
for four. Three, two, and hold. All right. Second set. Baby curls. Here we go. Curl.
Make sure you're supporting baby's head. Three. If you're a beginning level exerciser, the
first set of bicep curls might have been enough for you. Take it front. March. Two, three,
and hold. You hold. Take it back. Back. Two, three. In place. Hold. Final set. Baby curls.
Again, pace yourself. March it out if you need to. Yeah. Here we go. You got it. Three.
And just march in place. We're going to change baby's position one more time. We're going
to put baby in a burping position over your shoulder. One hand supporting baby's head.
One hand across baby's back. You want to bring your feet nice and wide apart. And we're going
to be sliding those toes on the ground. Here we go. Take it to the side. Slide. Slide. Three.
Four. Again. One. Two. Three. Now let's hold it center. You want to make sure your knees
are gently bent. We're supporting baby underneath their armpits. Thumbs up. Here we go. We're
going to lift. Here we go. It's lift. Make sure your back is nice and straight. Three.
Now switch shoulders. Here we go. Again, supporting that head and back. Two. Three. We're sliding.
One. Two. Three. Here we go. And let's go for one more set of slides. One. Two. Two
more. Three. Then we're going to hold it center. Four. Hold it center. Get that baby nice and
supported. Your knees are bent. Your back is supported. Here we go. And lift. That's
two. Three. And last lift. Four. And switch shoulders. Here we go. And it's one. Two.
Three strikes. You're out at the old ball game. Sing with me. It's one. Two. Three strikes.
You're out at the old ball game. Oh yeah. What a good job. All right.
Let's go. Let's go.
Male energy, male nurturing is actually different than female nurturing or female energy. And
the child has a need for both. The deep voice, the ability to combine strength and love,
the man does that in a unique way. The woman also combines strength and love in a unique
way. But that male energy and the feminine energy are both very different and both very
necessary. Tell us the different ways that both boys and girls benefit by having their
dads participate early on in their infancy. Well we always hear about the term bonding
and mother-child bonding and the maternal-infant bonding. But the father-child bond is just
as important. And the earlier the father is involved with the infant, the better the relationship
is going to be. We're learning now in infant research that there is an incredible awareness
that the infant has really starting from the first few days after birth. And they're more
aware than we used to think. And it's not that the mother and father are just kind of
melded into the same person, but the infant is aware of the difference of the male affection
and the male tenderness and being held by the father feels different than being held
by the mother. So for the boy, receiving affection early on allows him to be comfortable with
affection later on in his life. And for the girl, the girl develops self-esteem and feels
better about herself and has a positive self-image later on in life. We know it's good to talk
and read to your child, but what about singing to your baby? Well actually now the research
is showing that even in the womb, a child can hear music and respond to music. I think
singing to the baby, both the male singing and the mommy singing, can have a very, very
important effect to nourish the soul and care for the soul of the young child. Of course
not all moms and dads can sing that well, but they don't have to sing well. It's the
voice itself that they really have an attunement to, really have a chemistry with. And those
kind of soothing words heard from mom's voice and dad's voice really goes right into where
it's needed. Now let's get ready for some range of motion exercises for the baby. And
guess what dads, we're going to be singing. Now you don't have to have a great voice to
sing. Baby doesn't care. All they care about is hearing your voice so they get the language
development. And if you don't know the words to these songs, hum along. We're going to
start off with Ba Ba Black Sheep rocking baby side to side. Here we go. Ba Ba Black Sheep,
have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. One for my master, one for my dame,
one for the little girl and boy who lives down the lane. Ba Ba Black Sheep, have you
any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. All right. Well we're going to move right
on to Rock-A-Bye Baby and we're going to add some effects to this rendition of Rock-A-Bye
Baby. When the wind blows, we're going to blow on baby unless of course you're sick
and when that cradle rocks, let's rock that baby. Here we go. Rock-A-Bye Baby on the tree
top. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will
fall but daddy will catch you baby and all. All right. Well it's time to get a little
more active. We're going to put baby on our legs and go for a little ride. All right babies,
are you ready to show daddy how you ride? Here we go. We're going to extend our legs
and put babies right on your thighs. This is the way the babies ride, the babies ride,
the babies ride. This is the way the babies ride so early in the morning. Now what about
you dads after a restless night with very little sleep, how do you ride in the morning
after a night like that? This is the way the daddies ride, the daddies ride, the daddies
ride. This is the way the daddies ride so early in the morning. Now here's a scenario.
Let's say baby has a dirty diaper and your wife says dear, do you mind changing baby's
diaper right when you're ready to walk out the door? How fast are you going to go out
the door? This is the way the daddy's ride, the daddy's ride, the daddy's ride. This
is the way the daddy's ride so early in the morning. All right, they're out the door.
All right, let's get ready for Pop Goes the Weasel. Now instead of saying the word pop,
we're going to cluck our tongue like this because babies love sound effects and as we
say, pop goes the weasel and cluck our tongue, we're going to lift baby up in the air for
a baby lift. Here we go. All around the cobbler's bench, the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey
thought was all in fun, goes the weasel. Oh, what a good job. Well, our last song is going
to be Humpty Dumpty and after this song, we're going to transition baby to the floor and
then we're going to do some range of motion exercises with baby on the floor. Humpty Dumpty
sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a little fall and let's move those legs. All the king's
horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again, but daddy could. Even
without instructions, daddy can do everything. All right, let's get ready for a little kicking.
Kicking, kicking, kicking, kicking. Ride a bike, bend your knees. Bounce, bouncing, bouncing,
bouncing, bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. Stretch now, please. Stretch now, please. Okay, now
we're going to give baby a nice internal massage. We're going to bring baby's knees all the
way in and all the way out and if baby has gas, this is real good for them. The farmer
in the dell, the farmer in the dell. Hi ho, the dairy, oh, the farmer in the dell. Nice
stretching. Well, we've worked those legs. What about the arms to the tune of Row, Row,
Row Your Boat? We're going to alternate baby's arms. Nice and easy. Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. Both
arms. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream. Yay. Let's clap in between to show them how to clap. All right, good
job. To the tune of London Bridge, we're going to bring their arms across their chest and
then all the way out. Here we go. London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.
London Bridge is falling down. My sweet baby. Yeah. Well, we've worked their arms, we've
worked their legs. I think it's time for a bus ride. Let's get ready for the wheels on
the bus. Yeah, this is everyone's favorite. The wheels on the bus go round and round,
round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through
the town. The babies go bumpity, bumpity bumpity, bumpity, bumpity, bumpity, bumpity, bumpity,
the babies on the bus go bumpity, bumpity, bumpity all through the town. And the doors
on the bus go open and shut, open and shut, open and shut. The doors on the bus go open
The new arrive is too late.
Even with the państwo open shut all through the town
The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish
The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish
Jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle.
The money on the bus goes jingle, jingle, jingle,
all through the town.
And what about the daddies?
The daddies on the bus say, I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
The daddies on the bus say, I love you.
All through the town.
Oh, that was a nice bus ride.
Well, I think we'll end with our twinkling stars.
Let's get ready for Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are.
Oh, what a good job.
Good job.
We find that the exercise induces a relationship
that dads learn and babies learn.
Dads feel more comfortable learning
that the kids are not fragile.
They also become closer by learning how to sing
and be part of the childhood experience, which dads want
to do, but yet are a little fearful.
The infants have a tendency of feeling more secure,
knowing that the dads are with them
and learning how to develop these relationships
as they go ahead and mature.
What are the physical benefits of the dads exercising
their baby?
Well, we find that through the use of tactile stimulation,
as well as through acoustic stimulation,
that the infants tend to respond and relate better to the dads
and that this fosters the nurturance
and brings it out in the paternal part of the couple.
And that's really vital now.
It's more cohesive to the family.
What do you tell the moms who complain about the way
the dads handle the baby?
Well, we find it's very interesting,
because the moms have their own way of handling kids.
Yet at the same time, the dads also have the male point of view.
Dads need to feel comfortable.
They need to be encouraged to be with the babies.
And that encouragement is vital to the bonding between the babies
and the dads, getting them to be part of the childhood
experience.
Now it's time for dads to get a workout.
We're going to utilize the muscles used most
during active fatherhood, the arms and the abdominals,
the arms so you can lift and hold your baby
for long periods of time, and the abdominals,
because strong abdominals help support the back.
Let's get ready for some push-ups.
All right, real important here, I'm
demonstrating a beginning level push-up.
My knees are bent.
And if you need to put a towel under your knees,
you can do that right ahead.
My hands are a little wider than shoulders distance apart.
Then as I come down, I'm going to keep my head, neck,
and back in alignment.
Now I have my baby on the side, because I'm
demonstrating beginning level.
You can either have the baby on the side or in front of you.
I have Carlos and George here in a full body position push-up.
And they feel pretty confident with their arms,
so they have the baby right underneath.
And this is a good opportunity for baby kisses.
Here we go, set one.
We're going to come down, exhale as you lift.
Make sure your elbows are not locked, keeping gently bent.
Two, down and press up.
Three, press up.
Four, make sure your hands are a little bit further
than shoulders distance apart.
Two more.
One more, let's press it back.
You want to bring your buttocks towards your heels,
but do not sit on your heels.
Arms are straight and stretch.
Here we go, let's get ready for set two.
Again, reposition, make sure your hands are a little bit
further than shoulders distance apart.
Here we go, take it down.
One, press up.
Two, press up.
Three, press up at any time if you feel that you need to take
a break, go right ahead.
Press up.
Six, press up.
Seven, eight, nine, we're almost there.
Ten, two more.
Eleven, one more set.
Twelve, press it back, bring the buttocks toward the heels,
not sitting on those heels, stretching the arms.
And let's get a nice back stretch right here.
Let's bring our knees hips distance apart.
Our hands are right underneath the shoulders,
fingers pointing outwards.
And we're going to stretch that back.
We're going to round the back, bring the spine all the way
to the ceiling, stretch.
And then take it down to a flat back.
Make sure your back's not arched, nice and flat.
There we go.
Let's round the back, all the way up, stretch.
To a flat back.
And let's flip it over and do a little more arm work.
OK, so let's get down on our back.
Now we're going to do baby lifts.
Let's make sure that your knees are bent.
And we're going to support baby underneath their armpits
with our thumbs facing up.
Here we go, lift baby up.
And then bring baby towards you, bending elbows, and lift.
Baby towards you, and lift.
Now is the time to make sure that it's been at least 20
minutes since they've eaten.
And lift, you want to keep breathing.
And as you lift baby up, make sure those elbows don't lock.
Keep those elbows gently bent.
Lift.
Let's do two more.
Two, one more.
Let's take a little break.
Let's sit baby down.
And dads, let's take a deep breath
all the way into our nose.
Deep breath in, inhale, exhale through the mouth.
One more deep inhale through the nose,
and exhale through the mouth.
Now we're ready for set two.
Again, if you're a beginning level exerciser,
step one might have been plenty for you.
Let's get ready to lift.
Lift baby up, towards you, and then up.
Yeah.
Towards you, and up.
Good job, guys.
Lift.
And lift.
Let's go for four more.
Let's go for three more.
Whoa.
Two more.
Two.
Last one.
Good job.
All right, let's rest baby against your legs.
We're going to have our left hand on baby,
and our right arm is going to stretch over our head.
Reach and stretch that arm.
Reach and stretch.
Keep breathing.
Hold that stretch.
And then switch arms.
One hand always supporting baby.
Opposite arm reaches above your head.
Reach and stretch that arm that just worked so hard.
And then let's bring that hand behind your head
with the elbow bent.
One hand always supporting baby.
And we're going to crunch up towards baby.
And then release.
We're going to crunch up.
Yeah, we're working those abdominals.
So you keep your abdominals in nice and tight.
You're still breathing.
And you want to imagine that there's an orange between your
chin and your chest.
So you want to keep some space there to keep your head, and
neck, and back in good alignment.
Crunch up.
Let's do two more.
And let's do one more, then switch arms.
Here we go.
One hand always on the baby.
Opposite hand behind your head.
Supporting your head.
And let's crunch up.
And that's two.
And that's three.
And four.
Five.
Six.
Let's do two more.
Seven.
And eight.
All right.
Let's switch back.
One hand supporting baby.
Let's bring your left hand behind your head.
Set two.
Here we go.
Beginning level exercisers might want to take a break now.
That's two.
And three.
You're down.
Four.
And down.
Five.
Six.
Let's go for two more.
Seven.
Last set.
Eight.
All right.
And one more set with that opposite arm behind the head
for support.
And let's crunch up.
And down.
Two.
And down.
Three.
And down.
Four. We're almost there.
Five.
And down.
Abdominals in tight.
And down.
Six.
We're almost there.
Seven.
Last.
Eight.
And down.
Good job.
All right.
Now we're going to put babies on our shins.
We're supporting baby underneath their armpits.
Make sure you've got baby in a nice, secure position.
We're going to bring baby towards you.
And then release.
Towards you.
And release.
This is a great peekaboo opportunity
because baby's coming towards you.
And then going away.
There you go.
Towards you.
And release.
Real important here, make sure the knees
stay in front of your hips.
Don't let those knees go beyond the hips.
Let's go for two more, then we'll take a break.
Two.
And one.
Hold here.
All right.
Beginning level exercise or that first set
might be just enough for you.
Second set, we're going to lift our head
as baby comes towards you.
If you're advanced.
Here we go.
One.
Towards you.
Bring away.
Two.
And away.
Three.
Two.
And away.
Five.
We hear you, Ski.
Six.
Let's go for two more.
Seven.
Release.
And eight.
Release.
Good job.
OK, now it's time to put baby on the side
so that the dads can stretch.
We're going to do an elongation stretch.
So I want you to point your toes.
Bring your arms over your head.
And you're going to point your fingers in one direction,
toes in opposite direction.
Hold that stretch for five, four, three, two, one.
And then relax.
Now we're going to do a diagonal stretch.
I want you to point your left toes and your right fingers.
Stretch.
Hold.
And release.
And let's switch sides.
Now right toes are pointed, left fingers pointed.
Diagonal stretch.
And release.
And one more time, full body stretch.
Pointing those fingers, pointing those toes.
Hold the stretch for five, four, three, two, one.
And release.
Now it's time to sit up and stretch your legs.
We're in the bent knee straight leg position.
You want to make sure that your knees gently bent.
Your toes are up.
Yeah, Christian Michael, toes are up.
We're going to lean forward from our hips,
reach toward that toe, making sure that you're not bouncing.
You want to hold.
Hold.
Keep breathing.
Hold.
And release.
OK, and let's switch sides.
And we're going to do a diagonal stretch.
OK, and let's switch sides.
I'm going to bring you over here.
The sole of the foot's resting on your opposite inner thigh.
We're going to reach forward from our hips and hold.
We're going to hold that stretch for 10 seconds.
Just hold.
Hold.
Making sure not to lock that knee.
You want your toes up.
Hold.
No bouncing.
Six, seven, eight, nine, and 10.
All right, we did a lot of arm work.
Now it's time to stretch our arms.
So I want you to take your elbow towards your shoulder.
And you want to keep your hand away from that elbow joint.
So take it across your chest toward opposite shoulder.
And take that same arm over your head,
keeping the hand away from that elbow.
Hold.
Keep breathing.
And let's get that opposite arm.
Yeah, I hear you, Keith.
Take that opposite arm across your chest,
elbow toward shoulder, keeping your hands away
from that elbow joint.
Stretch that arm.
And take that arm above your head,
keeping hand away from that elbow joint.
And hold.
Keep breathing.
No bounce.
Just hold.
Hold.
And release.
A great way for you to interact with your baby
is through infant massage.
The first step with our massage is
to get permission from baby.
We might not get a verbal response.
They'll let you know if it's a good time or not.
So we're going to ask baby, is it OK if I give you a massage?
And as you're massaging, if baby gets fussy, if baby cries,
now might not be the time.
So you can give them a massage later.
All right, so let's start with one foot.
We're going to draw an imaginary line from the heel to each toe.
So let's start toward the big toe.
And don't be afraid to touch the baby.
What we're doing here is just gentle touch
all the way up to each toe.
You want to make sure that your nails aren't long,
so they don't dig into the baby's foot.
And just think, the baby has thousands of nerve endings
in their foot, and how nice it feels for them
to get a massage on their foot.
From the heel all the way to that last little toe.
And let's take our thumbs and draw circles around the ankles.
Nice circles around the ankles.
Gentle pressure.
Light pressure will feel like a tickle,
so you want to make sure it's gentle but firm.
It's gentle but firm pressure.
And then let's take that leg, and we're
going to stroke from the top of the leg
all the way toward the foot.
Gentle strokes.
Top of the leg all the way toward the foot.
All the way toward the foot.
And let's get that second leg.
Here we go.
We'll start with the heel going all the way to the big toe,
drawing an imaginary line to that big toe.
Yeah.
From the heel all the way to the second toe.
Gentle pressure.
All the way up toward that toe.
Reaching all the way up.
And that little toe.
Heel all the way toward that little toe.
And next, it's time to make circles around those ankles.
Here we go.
All the way around the ankles.
And then let's take that leg, and with gentle strokes,
we're going to take our hand all the way down that leg.
And one more time.
OK.
And now it's time to move up to the chest.
We're going to make the shape of a heart with our hands.
We're going to go across the rib cage all the way down.
And again, it's gentle pressure all the way up.
Circle those hands all the way down.
Take them up and all the way down.
One last set.
All the way up, making the shape of a heart.
And all the way down.
OK, we've gotten pretty much the front of the baby.
And a lot of babies like to have their back massage.
So either across your leg, or you
can put them back in the burping position.
And one hand goes in one direction,
and the other hand goes in the other.
Just gently stroke in that back.
There you go.
Nice and easy.
Nice and easy.
Most babies, this is their favorite part
of the body to be massaged.
All right, did you like your massage?
Well, you know, there are a lot of physical changes that occur
after having a baby.
The woman's breasts are not quite as firm,
and the tummy muscles are a little less tight.
And this affects a woman's ability
to believe in a positive body image for herself.
Hormonal changes also occur as a result of the pregnancy abruptly
stopping with the birth of the baby.
And as a result of the birth of the baby,
the woman's body is much more stable.
And the baby's body is much more stable.
And this is a result of the birth of the baby.
And as such, sometimes we see a condition
known as postpartum depression.
So how does the mom benefit when the dad spends
time alone with the baby?
Well, the mom benefits on various levels.
Physically, she benefits because she gets more time
to exercise and be active.
And this helps her develop a more positive body
image of herself.
From a social standpoint, she gets more time
to have contact with her family and with her friends
and get all the support that comes along with that.
And from a social standpoint, the mother
can honestly say that in her family,
a true partnership exists with regards to parenting.
More dads are involved in the pregnancy and during delivery.
Tell us about the benefits.
Well, once the baby is born, we like
to place the baby on mommy's tummy
so that she can bond with the baby.
Dad is also there.
But we also want him to hold the baby himself.
We place the baby on his chest and have
him hold his son or daughter.
There's a lot of peace and calm that
comes over the father when these methods are used
to help him bond as well.
A program such as Exercise with Daddy and Me
would be a terrific way to maintain
that involvement for both the father and the baby.
Now we're going to have some dads from our other classes join
us to share in their fatherhood experiences.
You may want to stop your video and come back
when your baby is napping.
We'd like to spend the next few minutes just sharing
amongst ourselves.
We've seen a whole lot of change that's
been going on in all of our lives since the children have
been born, changes between ourselves,
changes between relationships.
So I'd like to spend a few minutes
sharing amongst ourselves about what types of things
have come up since you've become a father that perhaps you
were surprised about.
I never dreamed that there would be so little time
to do the things with my friends.
And I even spend quality time with my wife.
And it's just every second has to be accounted for.
And there's always something to do.
That's been really tough.
I experienced the same thing that you do.
But what I've found over the past few weeks
now that the baby is about four or a little more than four
months old is finally things are starting
to mellow out a little bit.
She's starting to sleep through the night.
Now slowly but surely, I'm seeing
some light at the end of the tunnel
where some more of the time is starting to creep back in again.
We're starting to have some time together, just the two of us,
as well as a lot of family time.
It's really starting to look more and more positive
all the time.
Do you guys find yourself being selfish and dumping
a lot of things on your wife?
Because I tend to do that.
My son's now eight months old.
And I still find myself playing ball.
And I still find myself going to the gym.
And I notice that she's spending a lot of time
working with the baby, also working her job full time.
Even though she doesn't complain about it too much,
I've noticed that my own self, spending my hour at the gym,
she's home cooking dinner with the baby again.
Even though I catch it, I probably
should do something to change it.
But she doesn't complain.
So I don't know if I should do anything or not.
I try to encourage my wife to stay
in touch with her previous occupation, which
she was in education.
She still does workshops and goes to trainings and things
like that.
But it's really critical they get their time too.
Something I've recognized a lot in the classes
since we've done this with the daddies
is that we take it for granted that it's OK for mommy
to take care of the children.
It's acceptable.
And sometimes we don't realize, at least for myself
I can speak, that they really want to get out too.
They need some chill time, some downtime.
One of the things that I've seen work great is as they,
for instance, if the dads were coming home from work,
perhaps they can take a half hour, 45 minutes before they
rush right home to see mom and baby.
And they take some time for themselves just
to clear their head, whether it be listening
some music, a quick walk.
That will help the dads.
And then when they get home, let moms do the same
and know that it's an expected time.
Does that sound OK to anybody?
I sort of did one of the things you were suggesting,
is just taking that half hour.
I found myself just turning the lights off at work
before I left.
And it was just to get that peace and quiet
and to relax till I went home to that second job, which
was giving my wife a break.
Because she, I mean, being a mom,
I have so much respect for them.
It's like nonstop.
But I need that time between work.
Super.
Did any of you take classes in parenting
when you were growing up?
You know, how to be a great dad?
How to be a great mom?
No.
I mean, I must have missed that day in school.
Do you find in the 90s that there
are expectations on fathers that are unfair,
that are not realistic?
Or perhaps they're just different than what you
thought it was like to be as a father?
I know my father never took me to the doctor.
I don't even remember him dressing me.
I don't think fathers years ago did that.
Today, I think more fathers want to do that.
Fathers are almost getting as equal as the mothers are
as far as taking care of their kids.
And I think that's very important.
And I think that's a great direction
that fathers are going.
On Saturdays, we just, when I take care of the baby
and let my wife get away, but I've
found that generations in the past where the fathers weren't
so involved, that Saturday morning to me
is really enjoyable.
And I think that bonding is really
something that's important to me.
Because I look at my wife and the faces
that the baby will make at my wife.
And I don't think if I were to spend that real time
with the baby, I would get that reaction back
from the bonding.
I want to know that when my child grows up,
my child will love me as much as I see, like he said,
the love between the child and the mother.
And I fully realize that the only way that's going to occur
is if I'm in their life from day one.
And I'm there for the diapers.
I'm there for mom.
I'm there for the kids all the time.
Now, I feel the stress at work.
I feel the stress of me wanting to be able to do
the things I like to do.
The one thing I always think about
is that I'd like my kids to have a better life than I had,
whatever that may be.
And the only way that's going to be is if I'm there
for them all the time.
And so in that sense, that takes precedence over everything.
Kind of interesting, during the 80s,
everybody was so self-centered on materialistic goals,
where they were headed and what they were going to get to,
how long it was going to take them to get there.
And now it seems in the 90s, people
are getting back to simplicity.
Did you ever find that weekends weren't
what you used to think they were?
You'd come to Friday and say, thank god it was a weekend.
And now it's Friday and you say, oh my god,
I'm going to be home with the baby for two days.
I find that I don't remember a weekend.
I mean, I didn't complete what I needed to do at work.
And I didn't get enough time with my family.
And things are piling up around the house.
It's just time management, back to what
we were talking about before.
I just never get anything completed.
Now that the baby's come, it's try and get as much time
with the baby as you can.
And still on a weekend, you've got
to go back to work and you get enough time.
This weekend, we went away on a trip.
And it's amazing that in the quote unquote olden days,
my wife and I would jump in the car.
We're off.
We're going and doing things.
Whatever comes up, comes up.
This time, it's like you start planning a trip
and packing for that trip six days in advance.
And she can get all this done.
And I'll be at work.
And she showed up at the door at work and picking me up.
And I hopped in.
And off we went on our trip.
So she pretty much got everything together
without me even being there, as well as taking care
of the two kids that day.
It's just amazing what she's capable of doing
in a 24-hour stretch.
I'm always surprised that whenever we leave the house,
we go out for three, four hours.
And something happens.
The baby needs this or that.
I reach in the bag.
And it's there.
If I had to pack that same bag, or if I
was in charge of orchestrating everything, it'd be a fiasco.
But with my wife on top of it, I have no problem
driving out the driveway saying, no problem.
I'm sure whatever comes up, we can handle it.
Truly, the wives are incredible.
But the only thing that, since this is just the guys,
the only thing that sometimes gets to be kind of bad
is sometimes there's so much to do and so much order to keep
that sometimes I feel like an ornament.
I'm like just in the picture to keep from messing up.
But with all the order, you need all the structure.
We have twins.
So it's even more intense.
I think they feel like you lost your best friend and your wife.
She's now a mother.
And you used to have this confidant.
You could have quiet time to just share with.
And now she's gone?
Or is that something that she now has a different role
and that's OK?
I don't know if I miss that person.
But I have so much more respect for that person,
just the job of motherhood and the way that there's no training.
Now you're a mother, and you just take the ball and run.
I constantly try and remind her, hey, I'm just in awe
of what you're able to do with these kids.
And every day I look at them, and I
see what they learn and what they say
and what they're able to do.
And it really is because of what she is able to do with them.
And for that, it makes me love her even more every day.
We have three kids, 10, four, and six months old.
I respect her.
And we've become even more best friends.
My relationship with my wife has changed a lot.
Because now that she's not only my wife,
but the mother of my kids, it's like I really
feel like we're a family and not a couple.
I love the concept of family.
But sometimes, and I think is sex doesn't seem too important.
Since we didn't talk about sex yet.
Because I mean, it's not anyone's priority right now.
So sexually, somebody said, you're not dead.
You're just in a dormant stage.
I talked about it with my friend for the first time.
And he was like, man, I won't use the words I use.
I feel like something fell off.
It's gone.
There's nothing there anymore.
But now you're just in a dormant stage.
Tell about the fact that to me, it's
we've got five minutes before they wake up, and that's OK.
Versus your wife who says, I would like to be wined,
and taken out, and dined, and feel like a full-fledged female
woman, not the mom.
You may want to take the wife out, and wine, and dine,
and make her feel like a lady, and do all those things.
You have to make certain concessions and realize that,
OK, the baby is asleep now.
And if we want to be intimate, now
is the time we have to do it.
But you can still please each other and have a nice time,
as long as you realize that you now need
to make a little more time for it.
It's just not going to come as easy as it used to.
One of the things I'd never realized
that would be sort of involved with the sex issue
was my wife's feeling that physically she's changed.
And her appearance, and that kind of
revolves into the sex issue.
And I think I could do better at making her feel like,
no, you look the same to me, because it didn't dawn on me
as much as it did to her.
But more often than once, she said, how do I look,
and whatnot.
And I'm like, there needs to be a little support there.
Here's a suggestion that my wife and I found early
on by total accident.
Scheduling a regular day for you as a couple,
and even if it's just a two hour movie,
or if it's just sitting on a beach,
or if it's actually going to a fast food restaurant
doesn't matter.
It's the fact that that's something
that she looks forward to get the romance back
in the relationship.
And I don't know if back in is a correct statement.
I think dormant was a great way to describe it.
It was sort of, well, we can't do it now,
but sooner or later it'll be fine.
In this way, maybe it continues the feeling
through those first couple of months when it's so difficult.
Well, we tried just that, because the need
for togetherness, we tried the concept of the date.
She looks forward to it.
It's like part of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I mean, all week out here, don't forget,
we have a date on Friday.
We have a date on Friday.
I look forward to it myself.
I think it's a wonderful idea.
Any of you find that the macho image is gone
or doesn't make a difference anymore?
The whole theory of macho just goes out to window,
because all the different things we've been talking about,
although there's a lot of stress,
but just being a daddy and having a baby,
there's just no comparison.
Just nothing that has been as great in my life.
I was more embarrassed or not as open about my affections
to people.
But I don't know if it's a combination of age or the baby
or what.
But it's like I don't seem to worry about what I do
with the baby or with my wife.
If someone doesn't accept me for being affectionate
and doing the things that I want to in public
or whatever the environment is, it's
like I'd rather not associate with them anyway.
I'm glad that it has changed where dads have groups
like this, where there is a daddy in me.
I think it's wonderful, because I
wish I could stay home all day and be with the baby.
I don't think I'd be as wonderful at it as my wife is.
But I miss those times, because the little time we have,
every second, it's something new.
It's just I'm still in amazement of the whole father
thing and having a child and creating a child.
And it's just been incredible.
I didn't know this even existed.
And I know what my wife's been complaining about.
Now I hear other guys talking about how it is.
Because what I do, it makes it very difficult.
I spend a lot of hours at work.
I have a totally different personality from what I do.
And then when I come home, I just totally change it,
put a new face on, and do it again.
And that's why when I'm in the beginning of this,
I'm telling you that it's very important for me
to get my personal time.
Because if I don't, I can't separate what I do and who I am.
It's very tough.
And it's very tough.
I'm glad that I got the chance to listen to this
and listen to things I need to change.
Well, we're certainly glad you're here.
And I really appreciate you sharing and being so open.
It's almost like putting on two different coats.
You leave, like you said, the one coat at the door,
putting on a different coat.
And sometimes to change those roles is incredibly difficult.
I'd like to close with something.
If you guys could close your eyes for a minute.
And I'm going to continue talking,
bringing some thoughts to mind.
Acknowledge yourself for who you are for your wife.
Acknowledge yourself for who you are for you.
You've got to realize that what you're doing
is something that is going to be changing every day.
This is the most life-altering event
that you'll ever be through.
And if you keep talking about it with your wife,
keep sharing it, what you learn about each other
is more than you ever imagined.
Walk out of here and know that the difference you'll
make with yourselves for having been so open
is going to be something that may change at your work.
You may walk out and be a happier person,
because you know that you've been
going through some of the same stuff that somebody else has
been going through.
And I think that's why we created
this class in the first place.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for being who all of you are.
Because I'll tell you right now, if I don't tell you,
the children are going to tell you.
And they really thank you for being there for them.
Thanks a lot.
Thank you for joining us.
We hope you had a great time.
And that you and your baby exercise with us again
real soon.
And we'll see you next time.
Thank you.