Welcome to Volume 4.
In this segment, John Patrick Dolan will discuss 13 fatal mistakes that amateur negotiators
often make.
Speaking of amateurs, let's meet an inexperienced young couple who are about to enter into
some very serious negotiations.
Okay, I think the first thing we need to do before we get out of this van to go in there
to negotiate with the Nelsons is to realize that we're doomed.
They are going to wrest from us our best-selling novelty, the Plankton Circus.
Yeah.
They're a big family-owned company.
We're a small family-owned company.
Yeah.
They're geniuses.
We're not.
Yeah.
They like to pounce on fleece and squash saps like us for fun and profit.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad we had this little pep talk.
Now I'm really pumped.
We should have hired a professional to negotiate for us.
We can't afford professionals.
We'll just have to do the best we can.
Or we could decide not to do it.
Look, let's not waste our energy psyching each other out by dwelling on our supposed
inadequacies.
You're right.
Let's go in there and knock them dead.
Okay, let's go.
Okay.
Now there's a couple that might as well have stayed home.
Hi, I'm Terry Phillips and welcome to Negotiate Like the Pros.
We're talking with John Patrick Dolan again about how we can become better negotiators.
I have a list of what I call the 13 most common mistakes in negotiating, things we do that
can ruin a negotiation before we even get started.
One of the biggest is when you tell yourself it's the end of the world if a deal doesn't
go through.
It's like the person who's desperate for a job accepting a ridiculously low salary.
If your bottom line is low, a good negotiator will get you down to it before you know it.
Kind of like wolves sensing when another animal is injured or weak.
Well that's a good analogy because a good negotiator can smell desperation just like
a wolf can smell fear.
You don't have to tell them your life depends on the deal.
They can sense it.
Sounds serious.
Well it is serious because once people know how badly you want something, you usually
have only two choices.
Give in and accept what's offered or walk away from the negotiations altogether.
The more you care about the outcome, the less negotiating power you have.
Remind yourself, the person who cares the least always gets the best deal.
But what if you really want something bad?
How can you hide that?
Well you can't.
That's the point.
You have to be willing to walk away rather than let yourself be abused.
Believe it or not, we can usually live without whatever it is we're negotiating about.
But what about the other side of the coin?
Shouldn't we also consider what the other person stands to gain from the negotiation?
Absolutely.
Always look at why the other person seems so intent on making the deal.
You may not be the only one with a bad case of I want it no matter what.
Only in life threatening situations is desperation understandable.
In most other cases, wanting something too much is going to cost you.
Let's talk about the 13 fatal mistakes that amateur negotiators make.
The pitfalls that we want to avoid if we seek to improve our skills in negotiation.
These are listed in your workbook, but just follow along with me one by one.
The first is wanting something too much.
Looking like you really have to have the deal or else you're going to die.
Sort of the opposite of indifference.
If your refrigerator has just broken down, don't walk into the appliance store and tell
them.
My refrigerator's broken down.
The frozen food is melting.
My God, we have to buy something from you because it doesn't look really good.
Remember in the beginning of our discussion we talked about the number one obstacle to
putting together a negotiated agreement.
That obstacle was indifference.
Do you remember that?
Isn't this the opposite of indifference?
Looking like you want it so bad that they could sell you anything and you'd take anything
because you have to have it.
If you catch yourself looking this way, remember you're making a mistake and stop.
Number two, believing that the other side has all the power.
If you're not really good as a negotiator, a lot of times you can think, well, they have
all the power and I don't have any.
How am I going to get something put together?
Whoa, it's me.
Things are really tough.
Remember our discussion on the different kinds of power, how maybe you don't have the biggest
checkbook but perhaps you have positional power or you have competence power or you
have ethical power or moral power like Mother Teresa or you have personality power.
You just seem to be able to get people to do what you want them to do.
Remember they're talking to you for some reason and so try and figure out what that reason
is rather than feel helpless like you don't have any authority in your negotiation.
And that leads us to number three, failing to recognize your own strengths.
What is it they are looking for?
What is it that they want from you?
Remember to put yourself in the shoes of your counterpart in negotiation.
If I were them and I was approaching this negotiation, what would I be wanting to see
come out of this negotiation?
What would look like a good deal to me if I were in their shoes?
When we start to do this, we see what it is we have that they want.
And if we remember to go back to our strengths on a regular basis rather than dwell on our
weaknesses, most of the time we do a lot better.
Most of the time we put together better agreements.
We avoid this third mistake.
Tip number four for amateur negotiators is getting hung up on one issue.
You're leasing some office space but you can't very well see the office space being leased
for your company unless you have underground parking.
Remember Walt and underground parking?
And it turned out to be a big deal.
As it turns out of course that was a red herring.
But if you think about this, you can catch yourself on a red herring.
This is sort of like the flip side of a red herring.
You say I can't buy any software unless there's a 24 hour 800 helpline.
And so maybe you don't use some very valuable useful software because you have this one
little problem.
So don't get hung up on one issue.
If there is a difficulty on one issue, see if you can come up with a creative solution
so that you can put together a negotiated agreement that would make some sense.
Number five, failing to see more than one option.
Failing to see more than one option.
So when you go into the car dealership, I have to have the red car.
And that's it.
When you find yourself in that position, can you see how you're not going to put together
a very good deal?
You look like some of the other mistakes we talked about but especially in this one, if
that's the only car you can buy, you're in trouble.
Remember in our five step preparation checklist, we talked about going through the alternatives.
What happens if this agreement doesn't come together?
If you don't do this, if you don't run through what could happen in the negotiation before
you get there, if you think the only answer is to rent this apartment or buy this car
or to buy this stereo, and if I don't get it, it's going to be the end of the world,
then you're in a weakened position where you're going to take just about anything they offer.
So always stand back and say, what are the possible alternatives?
What else could happen in this transaction so that I would put together an agreement
that would work for myself or my company?
Number six, approaching negotiations with a win-lose mentality.
If you catch yourself thinking, we're going to go into this negotiation and we're going
to kill them, we're going to knock them out of the room, we're going to really beat them
up, we're going to see how bad we can grind them down, you might get some momentary satisfaction
out of it but in the long run, you're going to be a loser because if you grind down your
counterpart to the point where you put them out of business, then what?
You don't have anybody to talk to next time.
Negotiation is not a zero-sum game.
If you think about the story of the two sisters we started with in the beginning of our discussion,
if you look creatively at the possibilities in a negotiation, many times you get more
out of it than you ever expected.
So let's not grind people down.
Number seven, short-term thinking that ruins long-term relationships as we turn our page.
Sometimes there's a temptation.
Let's say you've got a rookie, somebody that just came in to negotiate with you and they
really don't know the territory, they don't know what's a fair deal.
Now there's a temptation there to take advantage of them, isn't there?
There's a temptation to really wax them once because you figure, hey, you know, they don't
know what's going on, I'll just get them and I'll really look good in my organization.
But that short-term situation can cause a big problem, can't it?
Because if you put yourself in the position of that person who just got waxed, what are
you going to be doing every time you see the person who waxed you for the rest of your
career in the industry, in the profession, in the relationship?
You're going to pay them back and the payback is too expensive.
Most of the negotiation we do is on a relationship basis.
It's on a continuous basis.
So let's not take advantage of people in the short-term just so we can get a little bit
of an advantage and ruin the long-term relationship.
Number eight, closely related to number seven, trying to squeeze too much out of an agreement.
Taking advantage of people, grinding people down at the very end.
What we engender then is the same spit-in-the-soup syndrome that can cause difficulties.
When we feel like someone has taken advantage of us and ground us down, the next time we
have a contact with them, the next time we have an opportunity to negotiate with them,
we're going to see if we can make them pay back a little bit and that can ruin relationships.
Number nine is a big one because number nine is very subtle.
Accepting opinions, statements, and feelings as though they were facts.
First opinions.
Someone says to you, your price is too high.
Now is that true or is that their opinion?
Is it a fact that your price is too high or just their opinion that your price is too
high?
We hear this all the time, don't we?
And if we're not prepared for this, what do we do?
We feel a little funny.
We go back to our manager and say, maybe our price is a little bit high.
Simply because someone says your price is too high because they state an opinion that
your price is too high doesn't mean your price is too high at all.
They obviously just don't see the value in the transaction and that's your job to create
more value.
The second thing, statements.
You hear people say something like this, we won't pay any more than $100 for your product.
Now is that true or not?
Have you ever said I won't pay more than $100 or $1,000 or $2,000, whatever transaction
you're involved in and then later on maybe pay just a little bit more?
Anybody here gone out and bought a little bit of computer hardware in the last year
or two?
Have you always paid more than you expected to pay when you walked in the door?
Almost always it happens.
So is it a fact that you won't pay any more?
No.
It's just a statement, isn't it?
So we don't have to accept those statements as facts.
And what about feelings?
You say something like, gee, they have all the power and I don't have any and you really
believe this.
Is that true just because you feel that way?
No.
And if you catch yourself accepting feelings as facts, you're falling into a trap and you
shouldn't allow yourself to do that.
It ruins the opportunity to put together a proper negotiated transaction.
Number 10 is related to number 9 as well.
Accepting positions as final.
I say how much you want for your table?
He says $25.
That's his position, $25.
Do I have to accept that as final?
Absolutely not.
Haven't we talked about all kinds of techniques we can use so we get him to change his position?
Now that's an obvious example.
What's more subtle?
You walk into a car dealership and you see the sticker price, a written statement of
position.
Is that final?
No.
And most of us have had the experience of getting a little bit lower price than the
sticker price so that written statement of position is not final, is it?
Now I don't know if you want to take it as far as that roommate of my friend from UCLA
and start dickering over the price of a loaf of bread in the store, but you got to think
about it.
It isn't necessarily final just because there's a price tag on it.
Number 11 is believing that having more authority gives you more power.
Now this one takes a little explanation.
Most of us would think if I have complete authority, if I don't have to ask anybody
for permission, I'm a stronger negotiator than if I have to go back and ask my boss.
But think about this.
Have any of you used this to your advantage even though you didn't have to get somebody
else's permission?
You said you did.
And why?
Because you have to go back and get some permission, it gives you time to think about it, it gives
you time to run the offer by some other people who might be able to give you some insights.
So when people say, gee, I thought I was talking to someone who had some authority here, don't
feel bad because you're in a stronger position most of the time by having to go back and
ask permission even if you just made it up.
Number 12, very important, amateurs talk too much and listen too little.
Now this is really hard for all of us, but remember, negotiation is not talking people
into it.
Negotiation is letting people talk themselves into it.
But you'll find yourself in the middle of a negotiation even after participating in
this program, even after reading my book, even after studying the subject, you'll find
yourself blabbing in the middle of a negotiation.
When you become conscious of the fact that you're talking too much, here's how you can
get yourself to stop.
Turn your conversation into a question and get back to the questioning mode.
So you're blabbing along and you say, oh my God, I'm talking instead of listening.
What do you think about this so far?
Can you see how that works?
You've caught yourself, you've said, okay, let's see what's going on on the other side
of the table here.
What do you think about this?
Remember, we should listen about five times as much as we talk in any significant negotiation.
I'll tell you, John, I'm embarrassed to admit that I've committed a few of those mistakes
myself.
I think we all have at one point or another, Terry.
You know, it all goes back to being willing to walk away from the deal.
But so far, we've covered 12 of the 13 mistakes.
What's the 13th?
Well, before we discuss it, I just want to point out that there are probably other mistakes
we all make, but these are the 13 most common.
And the last one is when we negotiate in haste.
It's an old saying, but it's still true.
Take your time and you'll be much better off.
And now, tips from the pros with John Patrick Dolan.
Recently I had an opportunity to spend some time in England presenting negotiation programs,
and I picked up a book I'd like to recommend to you.
It's a book by Gavin Kennedy called Everything is Negotiable.
This book is especially interesting in the area of what things we should avoid so that
we don't make mistakes in negotiating.
Commitments sometimes stall, and getting them moving again can be your biggest challenge.
In segment two, John Patrick Dolan will give you six proven techniques to break an impasse
before an impasse breaks you.
Good.
So we agree on the advertising approach.
Now, if we can have national distribution on featured shelf space, we can offer the Plankton
Circus at $7 per unit.
No, that's going to be impossible.
We can't promise national distribution.
We plan on testing this in our Midwest outlets.
It'll sell, believe me, everywhere.
It sells like hotcakes in our store.
Personally, I'm skeptical of the whole thing, and Meg is too.
Am I right, Meg?
Right, Ted.
But it will sell.
What we have here are unrealistic demands based on what?
Unsupported claims.
Bullseye.
Thanks, Meg.
Welcome, Ted.
What we have here are two people who need to get a life.
Are you putting us down now?
Yes, yes I am.
Well, this is going nowhere.
Yeah, right.
Nowhere.
Why do negotiations break down in the first place?
Well, there are a number of common reasons, but I want to point out that stalls, breakdowns,
and what have yous are almost always easier to prevent than they are to overcome.
It's like most of the divorce cases my law firm handles.
Many couples would never have reached the impasse stage if they'd continued communicating
effectively with each other.
So it's like what you said in an earlier tape.
Effective communication is the key to smooth negotiations.
And it's never easy, even under ideal circumstances.
So when you add stress involved in explosive issues, it's no wonder that a lot of negotiations
bog down.
Then is there any single reason negotiations hit a snag?
Yes, and it's called lack of understanding.
If people can't understand each other, they can't reach an agreement they'll be happy
with.
But don't we all tend to feel it's the other person who doesn't understand us?
Of course, and part of the problem is semantics.
It goes back to what I mentioned earlier about a different word meaning different things
to different people.
In this case, we seem to think understanding and agreeing are the same thing.
You mean understanding what a person says doesn't mean I agree with what they say.
The problem is that there's no single word in the English language that says I understand
what you're saying and I neither agree or disagree.
What if you came right out and said it just like that?
Well, it comes across like I understand but I really don't care.
So what happens is we try to counter everything the other person says because we don't want
them to think we agree with them.
Are you better off having people think you agree with them rather than having them think
you don't understand or don't care?
Absolutely.
Because the minute they think you don't care, you can talk forever and never reach an agreement.
But if you make them believe you care, almost any difficulty in defining terms can be worked
out.
Once you master that, are you home free?
We're all human and one of the defining aspects of our humanity is our emotions.
Emotions are also a big reason why negotiations break down.
Yes, but when you're talking about something that means a lot to you, it's pretty hard
not to get emotionally involved.
Well that's true, but there are steps you can take to make sure your emotions don't
get in the way.
The first thing we can do to break an impasse is try and figure out why we're snagged.
Let's go back to the beginning and look at everything that led up to when negotiations
fell apart.
So we go back to the three basics of effective negotiation.
Remember basic number one, relate to the people with whom you're negotiating as mature adults.
Have we been treating our counterpart as an adult or have we been giving them the baby
treatment?
Basic number two, develop double vision.
Every issue has two sides.
Have we been looking at both sides of this transaction or have we been focusing on what
we want to get out of the negotiation and forgetting what our counterparts are looking
for?
Basic number three, focus on the needs and desires involved in the negotiations rather
than stated positions.
Are we haggling about prices or terms rather than seeing the bigger picture like the two
sisters did when they made a much better transaction?
After you go over the basics, take a look at your five steps in preparation.
Did you determine what you wanted before you went into the negotiation?
Did you write it down?
Did you reduce it to 25 words or less?
Are you clear on what you want?
Are you clear on what concessions you're willing to make?
Did you determine what would be so fantastic you could hardly stand it?
What would be industry standard?
What would be barely acceptable?
Did you go through your alternatives?
Did you review what are the possibilities for putting together an agreement?
Did you discuss the subject matter with colleagues?
Did you go over the fine points of information you needed in order to put together a proper
transaction?
Did you discuss your counterpart?
Remember as we discussed, putting together a transaction always happens with another
person.
So did you determine, do I have one of these D types, a pushy kind of person, and maybe
that's causing me to have a negative reaction?
Or do I have an I type and I'm just tired of hearing them talk so I want to get out
of here?
Or do I have an S type and I just can't seem to get them to make a decision and that's
frustrating me so that I can't put together an agreement?
Or do you have a C type so that they're always asking you for more information and causing
you anxiety and frustration?
And then did you rehearse?
Did you practice?
Did you go over it with your friends?
Really important as we try and figure out why we are snagged, what's causing the problems,
are those four principles of motivation?
Remember those?
We cannot motivate other people.
When you're at an impasse, you believe that wholeheartedly, don't you?
Somehow or other it's true.
We can't motivate them.
But the second principle we discussed, remember all people are motivated.
What we're missing in an impasse is an insight into what is the motivation that would cause
our counterpart to go forward.
Remember the third principle that really sort of explains what's going on in an impasse?
People do things for their reasons, not for our reasons.
If we find ourselves in an impasse, almost always the problem is we're much more concerned
about our own reasons than we are about the reasons of the person on the other side of
the table.
And of course, a strength overused can become a weakness.
And if you recall in some of the vignettes, if you use again and again and again the same
kind of negotiating tactic, eventually what happens is people get wise to it and they
quit giving in and that could cause an impasse too.
Well, what can we do about that?
In your workbook I have a list for you of six things we can do to break an impasse.
The first thing, try and figure out why you're snagged.
Now this is common sense, but go back and review.
Did I begin with preparation?
Did I find out as much as I could before I got here?
Did I rely upon my approach, my strategy to find out as much as I could about what the
people on the other side of this transaction are looking for?
Did I lay the ground rules?
Did we establish some objective criteria?
What happened after that?
And many times when you go back and review you say, oh, we forgot to establish some objective
criteria.
We forgot to say in determining the price for your house, let's go out and look at some
comparable prices and compare those to the price that we're talking about.
And when you go back and do this, you can get things going again.
So that's the first thing we can do.
We can try and figure out why we're snagged.
Second thing we can do, we can return to prior agreements.
Especially in business and industry, we deal with the same people on a regular basis.
And every once in a while there are some considerations.
Maybe there's cost cutting going on in our organization, downsizing, right sizing, whatever
you want to call it.
And so you're negotiating for an annual contract and things aren't going so well, at least
not as well as they used to in the past.
Many times what you can do is refer to prior agreements.
You can say, man, every year we always figure out a way to put something together.
Why can't we do it this time?
We've always been able to come up with a solution.
Can't we do it this time?
And sometimes that'll urge the person on the other side of the table to come across.
Or at least it'll get things going again because maybe then you can be discussing what you
did before and how you finally put things together before and how maybe you can apply
that to this negotiation.
Number three is to take a hypothetical approach.
And this is sort of using that trial balloon technique in another format.
You say, gee, we can't seem to put together this annual training contract.
Every year, year after year, we put together an annual training contract, but this year
we can't seem to put it together.
Have you ever thought about making a commitment for 36 months or five years?
So you take a hypothetical approach.
You stand back and say, we don't seem to be able to make it work this time.
Can we stand back and expand the picture?
Can we stand back and increase the pie and see if by looking at things a little differently,
it might go a little bit better?
Number four, and we're getting down to the bottom of these, but you've got to use this
every once in a while.
Sometimes you can point out the negative consequences of not putting together an agreement.
You can say, look, we're not getting anywhere, and if you want to have some office space
available by the first of next month, we need to put this deal together.
You've already expressed an interest in having new paint and new carpets, and until we get
a deal signed, we can't go in and replace the carpets and repaint the place.
If you want to move in by the first of the month, you're going to have to make a decision.
So sometimes you can point out the negative consequences, and people will say, oh, you're
right, okay, let's get this thing put together.
Number five, and we're getting close to the bottom of the barrel now, you can play on
their emotions.
You can say something like this, I really feel bad that we can't put together an agreement
here.
We've always been able to do it in the past.
Gosh, I need your help.
Can't you help?
Now, I know that sounds a little funny, but sometimes, toward the end of a negotiation,
people will come across.
They'll say, oh, you know, they won't say it, but they'll feel this.
I don't want you to feel bad.
Okay, let me see if we can help you out here.
And remember, we're trying to get things going again, so sometimes if you express your feelings,
by the way, if you'll notice, nobody can argue with how you feel.
You can say, I think you're treating me unfairly.
That's not nearly as effective as saying, gee, I feel really bad about what's going on here.
I feel like I'm not getting what I ought to out of this negotiation.
It's hard to disagree with somebody else's feelings because people own their own feelings.
Now, there's one last thing I want to give you.
Please, do not use this unless you absolutely have to, but I'm telling you, it works.
Begging.
Begging for mercy.
Now, let me show you how this works by putting you in the position of being the person who
is getting begged because I bet everybody has been in this position.
Somebody walks into you, they're a vendor, and they say, I just got this job.
I don't even know what I'm doing.
I don't even know what these words mean on my price list.
Could you help me?
Now what do reasonable people do many times?
Okay, look, come here.
Now look, I'm supposed to say so much, then you're supposed to say this, then I'm supposed
to say this, then you're supposed to say that, and then we go round and round on this, and
we finally come out with about this.
Now don't make me do this again, all right?
Haven't we all done this at one time or another?
And so every once in a while that can work.
Now obviously you can't overuse this one, can you?
There's a variation on this one.
Some of you might have used this one.
I'm going to get fired if I don't come back with a signed contract.
Have you tried that one?
That's sort of begging, isn't it?
But it works.
I emphasize again, however, please don't overuse this because the second time you come around
saying I need your help, they say I'll help you find the door.
Number six, ask for a timeout.
Sometimes when we're negotiating, somehow or other things just won't move.
We've just come to the point where we can't get it to go any further, and so then sometimes
it's a good idea to say we're not getting anywhere, why don't we get together next week?
And as we mentioned before in our discussions, maybe next week the price that you turn down
this week looks a lot better, can happen, can't it?
Intervening circumstances come up, inventory shortages come up, problems come up with suppliers,
and all of a sudden that price that didn't look so good last week looks awful good this
week if you could still get it.
Great tips, John, but that last tactic seems very close to the take it or leave it approach
you mentioned in the earlier discussion.
Well, they're actually distant cousins, although taking a break is not quite as final.
So why would you use it?
Well, to let the other person know you're not willing to argue over the details forever.
What happens if any of these approaches won't break a standoff?
Well, if you just can't seem to get things going yourself, then it's probably time to
call in an objective third party, someone who has no interest in who wins or loses.
He or she looks at the issues and positions of both parties without bias and then proposes
a solution that both parties can live with.
But doesn't everyone involved have to agree to take this route beforehand?
Well, yes, but if they do, an arbitrator can often bring the toughest of stalemates to
a close.
Now, I've heard the term binding arbitration.
I'm sure others out there have as well.
What's that mean?
Well, binding arbitration is where you let someone else decide and both parties agree
in advance to accept whatever terms the arbitrator dictates.
Let's say you go through all of these approaches and nothing works.
Well, once in a while you're going to run into a major snag where the only choice is
to cut your losses and get out of there.
Okay, we're back and I'm positive we can work together to come up with something to
benefit both of us.
I'm sure we can.
It's just we have to be cautious with any new product.
We see your position and we might be willing to consider some limited test markets.
Sure.
We're here to negotiate a workable contract for Plankton Circus.
Great.
We are too.
This is a private company and we have our own way of running things, namely?
We're not paying you $7 per unit.
No way.
No how.
$5 and that's it.
Okay.
That's how you feel about that particular issue.
However, let me point out some areas that we do see eye to eye on.
For instance, co-op advertising and limited distribution.
Look, we came to you because of your position in the marketplace.
We believe we have a winner on our hands.
If we don't work this out, we all lose.
Just think about this.
For seven, maybe $6 per unit, we could be very strategically placed in the home market.
And if we can nail this agreement down now, we could be in the stores before the holidays.
And now, tips from the pros with John Patrick Dolan.
Dealing with deadlocks and impasses is one of the most difficult situations we face in
any significant negotiation.
There's a great book on the subject by an author who's well known in the field of negotiation,
Chester Karras.
It's called Give and Take.
This book is really helpful in the field of deadlocks and impasses.
It gives many suggestions that are quite useful.
In this final segment, John Patrick Dolan will wrap up his strategy to help you negotiate
like the pros.
This ethical approach stresses the importance of working side by side.
Of course, sometimes you may still find yourself in this kind of situation.
We've covered advertising, discounts, distribution.
Our last issue is shelf placement.
Excuse me, but did you just say shelf placement?
Yes, I did.
Did he say yes?
Yes.
Whoa, Dave, you're pushing too far here.
We control where and how much we put in our stores.
I think it's a viable request.
You failed to understand our position.
I could say the same thing about you.
The issue here is this.
We want a fair deal for a great product.
You know nothing about our stores.
And you know nothing about our product.
John, you've spent a few hours at the negotiating table.
What's going on here?
You know, Terry, I've talked a lot in these sessions about how people on opposite sides
of the bargaining table need to work together to reach solutions.
What we've just seen, however, is the opposite of that.
These people are working against each other to get what they want instead of working together.
It really boils down to this.
Getting what you want doesn't mean other people can't get what they want.
Well, it sounds good in theory, John, but also a bit idealistic.
Well, obviously, some people are going to want to get everything they can regardless
of what they have to do to get it.
In that case, the best you can do is watch your back and don't get suckered in.
Most of us simply want to come out of a negotiation with the best bargain we can possibly get.
Let's assume then that you'll be dealing with only like-minded adults.
You've all gotten acquainted.
Then what?
Do you just say, I want to make one thing clear, I don't play games, let's pool our
energies?
Well, being that blunt probably won't work.
Most people would probably think that that's some kind of a trap.
You mean if I'm that upfront, someone might think I have something to hide?
Or they might feel it's just a front.
Before you start talking about how open and fair you are, you need to show the others
that you're honest.
But how can you do that if you use some of the tactics we've talked about earlier?
I mean, a red herring, for instance, isn't exactly the most honest way to get things
going.
That's why I shy away from some of the tactics we talked about earlier, but at least I know
when someone's trying to use them on me.
So you believe some tactics are okay to use?
Well, a good wince or a well-timed dose of silence are pretty harmless, but unless you're
prepared to fight to the finish and potentially make an enemy in the process, leave the heavy
artillery alone.
I take it a more straightforward approach is better.
Well, if you state your position openly, ask questions in a non-threatening way, and then
listen to what the other person has to say, you put yourself in the driver's seat of a
cooperative negotiation.
So what's the key?
Main trust, because all of us tend to keep our guard up until we feel it's safe to let
it down.
This would be a good time to see if we have any other questions from the audience here
today.
Shannon?
I was wondering, what do you do when you're negotiating and the other person demands an
immediate response that you're not ready to give?
Ah, somebody comes up and says, I have to have your answer right now.
Either in the middle of a negotiation, I have to have your answer right now, or just out
of the blue, somebody comes up and says they want something from you or they want you to
make a decision and they say, I have to have your answer right now.
This happens a lot, doesn't it?
Because people do things for their reasons, not for our reasons, right?
And sometimes they think their reasons are so overwhelming, you just have to hurry up
and give them an answer.
I have two answers for you.
The first is to say something like this, gee, I haven't thought about that.
If somebody just approaches you and says, I have to have an answer right now, would
you give me some time to think about it so that I could give you an intelligent answer?
Now, for a lot of people, that'll be okay.
They'll come up, they're really interested in an answer, but when you say, gee, I really
haven't thought about that, would you give me a little bit of time so I could get back
to you maybe this afternoon, then I can give you an intelligent answer.
That'll solve the problem for some people.
But other people insist, don't they?
I'm sorry, I have to have your answer right now.
I can't waste any more time.
I have to have an answer.
I've got people waiting on the phone or something like this.
When you hear something like that, let me give you my patented answer to that.
My answer is this, if I have to answer you now, the answer has to be no.
But if you give me some time to think about it, the answer might be yes.
You see, you're telling me I have to give you an answer.
You want an answer?
The answer is no.
But if you let me think about it, I might say yes, but I don't commit to saying yes.
Another question up front here.
Dan?
Yeah, should you purposely take care of some aspects of negotiation by phone or fax or
other means, thus saving the more important stuff for face-to-face meetings?
Well, that's a good question.
Operating on the phone and by the fax is one thing that's important to consider, and also
this distinction that you're making.
Maybe get the easy things over by phone or fax and save the things that are difficult
for in person.
Let me mention a couple of things about operating on the phone, first of all.
Here's one of my rules whenever I negotiate on the phone.
I never negotiate on incoming phone calls.
And I'll tell you why.
Haven't you been in the spot where somebody calls you and they say, hey, I just want to
talk to you about that deal in Arkansas, and you don't have the file on your desk, and
you were already thinking about something else, and you're not really clear on what
you're talking about, and you make a commitment to something, and when you get the file open,
you realize, what have I done?
So in my office, what I always do when somebody calls me is I say, I don't have that file
handy.
Let me get it, and I'll call you back.
Where are you going to be in 15 minutes?
That's one thing that's really important about negotiating on the phone.
Faxes are an interesting subject matter right now.
Most people view faxes as more urgent than telephone calls.
And so sometimes if you want to get someone's attention, you can send them a fax, or you
can fax them some pertinent information, or you can fax them some of the minor issues
as you were asking about, Dan, and you can get some of those things out of the way.
At least in my office, and I'm sure it's the same in most people's offices today, when
a fax comes in, somebody takes it over and gives it to you versus just sitting in your
message in your message box, hoping that someday you'll get around to getting the message so
you can return the phone call.
But now let's get to the substance of your question.
Do you phone and fax with the minor issues and save the major issues for face to face?
I think you're on the right track there, because if you think about it, it's a lot easier to
say no to serious or contested issues over the phone or by a fax in writing than it is
when you're sitting there eyeball to eyeball.
And so I think that's a good idea.
Wait if you can distinguish between sort of minor issues and major issues.
Wait with the major issues and tell your eyeball to eyeball.
Now I'll mention one other thing about that.
Sometimes getting on an airplane or getting on a train or driving in your car over a long
distance so you can actually meet face to face can change the whole dynamics of a negotiation.
Think about this.
Somebody gets on a plane from Los Angeles and goes to New York and shows up in the office
of the person with whom they're negotiating instead of calling them on the phone.
It makes a huge difference in the relationship that you have in negotiation.
The impression that's made is, gee, this is important to this person.
They're taking this very seriously and so many times you can have a leg up by showing
up.
There's one other thing I want to mention and that is where you're negotiating when
you get eyeball to eyeball.
Some people say a neutral place is the best.
That's true sometimes.
Some people say in your office, on your turf is the best and that's true sometimes.
And some people say in their office is the best.
And it really depends on what's going on.
If you're planning in this negotiation, let's say it's a real high level negotiation and
you're planning maybe to walk out, it's a lot easier to walk out of their office than
it is to walk out of your own, isn't it?
So if you think this might be a walk away situation, you might want to let them have
the turf.
That is you might want to go to their turf but you might want to be able to say, gee,
things aren't coming together.
Give me a call if you want to change your mind and walk out.
It's real difficult that they're sitting in your office to say, well, things aren't coming
together.
Get out of my office.
It ruins the transaction or at least ruins the possibility for future transactions.
So I hope that answers your question.
Any other questions?
Tim?
Would it be effective to offer a trade off right up front when you're actually doing
some nibbling at the end of your negotiations such as, I would like next Friday off in an
exchange for that.
I'll work some extra hours next week.
Well, sure.
I think that's very effective.
Put yourself in the position of the person who's being given that proposition.
You're just not standing there needy saying give me a day off.
You're saying, hey, look, let's make a fair trade.
Give me a little bit of a day off and I'll give you some time, a little bit extra next
week.
And so sure that would be effective because now you're thinking ahead of time.
You're saying, well, what do they want out of this deal?
And you're offering it right up front.
So I think that would be effective.
Leads me to mention something else to you, however.
I recently attended the Harvard Negotiation Project and one of the things that they concluded
was pretty interesting and I think it's really important because it relates to the end of
negotiations where nibbling and tradeoffs and things like this are taking place.
Here's what they said.
When you shake hands on a transaction, when you've got the deal put together, here's a
really good question to ask when you're finished with your formal negotiation.
Now that we have a deal, how could we make it better?
Sometimes, you know, there's this guard that we have up and through the negotiation as
we're going back and forth and working with each other, the guard comes down and now we
see, yes, they're reasonable to deal with.
Yes, this would be a good transaction.
But it doesn't hurt once you get to that point of shaking hands and having what they call
assent to say, now that we agree that we can work together, how could we do even more?
How could we give each other even more?
And many times what happens then is you actually at the end use that as sort of a trial balloon
to expand the pie and before you leave the negotiation situation, you put more on the
table and you get more on the table.
So that's sort of a follow-up to what you asked.
Another question?
Craig, John, what would you suggest if you're just about through with the negotiation with
someone one-on-one and you come to your next meeting and there sits someone from out of
town with a whole new list of ideas to make this thing go?
What do you suggest?
Well, it depends on what their whole new list is and how they're introduced.
But I've seen this used before.
What happens is they'll send in the first wave of negotiators and they'll wear you down
to your best deal and then the next day when you come back to satisfy or to put together
the entire deal, there's somebody else there and they have a whole new agenda.
Well, let's think about that.
What could you do about that?
First thing you could do is use your silence.
Remember, silence is always good.
Not just don't say anything to them, but use a variation of silence.
You say, gee, I didn't realize somebody else was going to be involved here.
What are you looking for?
Okay, so we start with our opening question again.
It's almost like we're in the beginning of negotiation.
But then after we say, what are you looking for?
Or you might even say, why are you here?
I thought we had our negotiations put together.
What is your purpose in being here?
Then be quiet.
Sometimes you'll hear what the purpose is.
Well, we just let this guy come out to talk to you and now we're going to get serious.
Well, then you realize this wasn't what it was supposed to be.
This isn't a contract signing ceremony.
This is another round of negotiation.
So then you might want to go back to another variation of silence, which is take a time
out.
I wasn't prepared to recommence negotiation.
So tell me what it is you're looking for.
Maybe you could even put it in writing and then let's get together in a couple of days.
That's another thing to do.
Anytime you're surprised, what you want to do is you want to start thinking silence,
including silence on the spot and silence in the form of a timeout.
Because anytime they throw you a curve, you know what the intent is to rattle you so that
you're backpedaling and giving concessions.
And so to avoid that, get out of there and get back to a place where you can clear your
thoughts and determine what's going on.
If I then took a timeout, like I'm suggesting, I'd get on the phone immediately and find
out who this person is, why they're there.
I'd talk to other people.
If I could find some who have negotiated with this company before, I'd find out if they've
used this tactic in the past.
I'd find out if this person is real or if they're just brought in at the end.
It's funny how these things work and there's all different variations of what happens at
the end of a negotiation.
The other day I was talking to a fellow who said he saw a new variation and I'll just
mention this to you.
A big department store, and I won't name the store, does this.
They have everybody give all their bids for all the products they want to sell to the
store.
And then when you walk in to have your meeting with the product manager, the line manager
who's going to buy your line of products, here's their patented line.
They use it with everybody who comes in.
They sit you down in the chair and they say, Greg, I've been looking over your proposal
here and I have to say I'm really disappointed.
And then they just wait like that.
And they say about nine out of ten times the guys go, oh, I'm sorry, listen, maybe we could
do a little better here or we could knock a little bit off there.
So that's just another variation.
It's that surprise that happens when you think you're just walking in to sign a contract
and all of a sudden they throw you a curve.
I think it's a really good idea to get out of there as fast as possible until you can
collect your thoughts and figure out what's going on.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Those were all really great questions.
Now let's just wrap this discussion up.
Let's tie it together.
Remember when we approach negotiations, our primary objective, learn what the people on
the other side of the table want.
Open up with simple questions like, what are you looking for here?
Or how would this thing look if it came out the way you want it to come out?
Then focus on the issues rather than on the positions.
Remember we're going to buy this table and we've been working on this for a long time
now.
Want to establish that you own the table, that it's a table that you're willing to
sell, that I can have it today rather than tomorrow, that you're interested in selling
it for a fair price, that it's structurally sound.
And make sure that we spend most of the beginning of our negotiating time on the issues, the
desires, rather than on the positions.
Eventually we will get to the positions and when we do, we can use the tactics we talked
about to fine tune the transaction so that we both feel like we came out.
Remember as well, asking questions and listening is the approach that we want to use for the
best results.
Anytime you catch yourself blabbing, what are we going to do?
Turn it into a question, right?
What do you think about this so far?
How do you feel about this?
Tell me how you're feeling about the transaction.
What do you like about the transaction?
What would you like to see change in the proposal that we have now?
If you had to leave out something in this list of products, what would it be?
So that you can get some insights into what people are thinking on the other side of the
transaction.
Remember to define problems.
If you run into a problem, don't fight about it before you know what it really is.
So stand back and say, what is the problem here?
What is the controversy?
What is the mismatch?
How can we come up with a creative solution?
And I think if you have a chance and if you have a high trust level or at least a reasonable
trust level, why not go into a little brainstorming with the person with whom you're negotiating?
Let's just stop for a second.
Let's put our pens down.
Let's move to the other side of the table and let's just brainstorm about all the possibilities
here because that really helps in getting things put together.
Search for creative options.
So use that brainstorming approach and then when you come back, especially in series negotiations,
we'll see this.
You're going to go back and report to your team and then you're going to come back and
then you're going to go back and report to your comptroller and then you're going to
come back.
So always be searching at every step along the way for creative solutions, expanding
the possibilities because that's the way to put together the best agreements.
Remember that the exercise in negotiation is to define the problems.
Rather than just see the problems and fight about the problems, clearly define what the
problems are so that we understand from both points of view what the difficulties are.
Then we can start to design creative solutions.
Search for creative options.
Brainstorming we talked about is something we could do.
If you have a trust level that's high enough or at least at a reasonable level, you might
sit down with one of your counterparts if you're running into a problem and say, let's
just stop and let's come over to the other side of the table and let's talk about all
the possibilities.
And when you're involved in series negotiations, when you're going back to tell your manager
or you're going back to tell your comptroller and then coming back and negotiating again,
why not all the way along the way ask your manager, ask your comptroller, ask your spouse,
ask your dry cleaner what are the possibilities that they would see in the difficulties that
you're facing in this negotiation.
And then design solutions.
Rather than spend a lot of time designing techniques to cheat people or take advantage
of people or pull one over on them, why not design solutions?
Remember the two kids in the kitchen and the headphone solution?
Once you find a headphones type solution, things go so much better.
Now you can get everything that you want and your counterpart can get everything that they
want.
Yes, that's important, especially when you're negotiating with a transaction that has lots
of different issues.
Make little agreements along the way.
A lot of times it looks insurmountable to put together a transaction, but if you stand
back and say, okay, what are the components of this transaction and how can we go component
by component and make little agreements along the way, the sum total, the cumulative effect
of all of the little agreements builds up an inertia so that eventually it's pretty
easy to settle the bigger problems.
I guess the most important thing to remember is that negotiating doesn't have to be a death
defying act.
It doesn't have to be dog eat dog.
It doesn't have to be a thing that people dread.
It doesn't have to be dueling to the death.
It can be people working together to get what they want.
Negotiation can be people looking for ways to help each other out.
And when you approach it from that point of view, you'll find the process much more pleasant
and much less stressful.
And you'll find yourself more successful at the bargaining table.
Let's see how to do it right.
You know nothing about our stores.
You know nothing about our product.
Look, we need each other.
I for one would like to abandon this combative mode we're trapped in and look for some sort
of mutual agreement.
Think about it.
Our similarities far outweigh our differences.
Okay.
What you have to understand is that if we're going to enter into any kind of partnership,
we need to be assured adequate shelf space.
But we just can't turn over our shelves to an unknown product.
I understand.
We're both taking a risk.
How about this?
Test us in one store.
One store?
That's right.
One store.
But we want the center ring by the checkout counter.
One store.
Yeah.
Then we'll meet in the fall and evaluate our future together.
Deal?
Deal.
John, I see what you mean now about the importance of working with and not against each other.
Well it's better than focusing on everyone's differences.
By using a creative approach, Dave and Linda were able to land a deal.
How do you go about generating those creative ideas and solutions?
Brainstorming sessions can really be helpful in the early stages of searching for solutions.
Just put yourself and the people you're negotiating with in a room and start batting ideas around.
How many times have you seen people actually come out of a brainstorming session with an
acceptable agreement?
Almost never.
But that's not the purpose.
It's just a way of getting everyone to look at the same facts but from different angles.
John, you've definitely shown us that negotiating doesn't have to be a battle of wills.
The adversarial style of negotiating is not only grueling but it's also not very productive.
The profitable results we can get from ethical and honest negotiating are worth all the extra
effort.
That's the bottom line.
Thank you John.
And thank you.
We hope your next negotiation is a successful one.
For John Patrick Dolan, myself and everyone here at Career Track, thanks for joining us
for Negotiate Like the Pros.
And now, tips from the pros with John Patrick Dolan.
Negotiation is a lifelong adventure.
I hope by viewing this video training program and looking at some of the resource materials
we've mentioned for you, your adventure will be more profitable.
Yes or No, The Guide to Better Decisions by Spencer Johnson.
Every negotiator's library ought to contain Roger Dawson's, you can get anything you want
but you have to do more than ask.
My final recommendation if you are an instructor or a facilitator teaching negotiation is from
the Harvard Law School Program on Negotiation called Curriculum for Negotiation and Conflict
Management.
This compendium includes interesting case study examples and suggestions on a course
of study for negotiation and it's quite useful.
This has been Negotiate Like the Pros with John Patrick Dolan.
In just a few moments, we'll present a special bonus preview of Carol Price's video series,
Assertive Communication Skills for Professionals.
But first, did you know that you can have John Patrick Dolan present a live Career Track
seminar at your location?
John Patrick Dolan is a successful trial lawyer, a master negotiator and an internationally
recognized authority on negotiating techniques.
He's also a respected author and professional speaker.
You can have a customized program of any length from one hour to a full day presented live
at your location by John or any other Career Track trainer.
For details, call our on-site department toll free at 1-800-325-5854.
Additional workbooks for this program are available by calling our customer service
department at 1-800-334-1018.
Our lines are open 24 hours a day.
Also, please let us know if you'd like us to send you a free catalog listing all of
Career Track's audio and videotape programs as well as current schedules for Career Track
seminars in your area.
And now, we're pleased to present this special bonus preview of Assertive Communication Skills
for Professionals with Carol Price.
Dr. Andrew Salter defined assertiveness in the following way, and I quote, the excitatory
person, this is his term for assertiveness, is direct, responding outwardly to his environment.
When confronted with a problem, he takes immediate constructive action.
He sincerely likes people, but he does not care what they may think.
He makes rapid decisions and he likes responsibility.
Above all, the excitatory person is free of anxiety.
And it's important to note here that Salter is recognized as the father of modern behavior
therapy.
The second definition is our dictionary definition, which is to state positively, to declare,
to affirm, to maintain or defend rights or claims.
The third definition is from our Declaration of Independence, and it states, we hold these
truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their
Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit
of happiness.
From these bold words, combined with the strong threads you discovered in the situations we
just looked at, we can develop our own working definition of assertiveness for this program.
And that is that assertiveness means standing up for one's rights without violating the
rights of any other person.
Key phrase here is the rights of any other person, which means that your rights are equal
to not less than or more than the rights of any other person, those in your family, those
that you work with or strangers on the street.
To be able to stand up for your rights, you must first be aware of each of them.
Right number one, I am entitled to try anything, any time, if I am willing to accept the consequences.
Right number two, I am entitled to succeed and I am entitled to fail.
Right number three, I am entitled to design my life and my lifestyle.
Right number four, I am entitled to meet my needs and or to ask to have them met.
And right number five, I am entitled to celebrate my worth based on my own standards.
Here is a key point to remember.
Assertiveness means acting in your own interest to maintain your own rights but without violating
those rights of any other person.
Passive people violate their own rights, meaning they don't stand up for what they want or
ask for what they deserve.
Aggressive people violate other people's rights and assertive people take care of their own
rights without violating the rights of others.
Assertive behavior is a choice that allows you comfort, that allows you pride, and allows
you success.
But first and foremost, it is a choice that only you can make.
This concludes our special bonus preview of Assertive Communication Skills for Professionals
with Carol Price.
Once again, Career Track's toll-free number is 1-800-334-1018.
Thanks for watching.