Welcome to Volume 3 of Negotiate Like the Pros.
In this volume, you'll learn the four principles of motivation, as well as useful ways to deal
with different personality styles.
But sometimes you'll discover the most difficult opposition is sitting on your side of the
table.
So I'm thinking of a terminal at each one of these workstations here.
Hey, Frank, hi.
I want you to meet Matt Foley.
He's a programmer, and he's here to help us design our new software.
Oh, software.
Well, nice to meet you, Matt.
Frank.
But in all honesty, I don't know why we're designing new software.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I want software.
Yeah, so do I.
Well, it's just why can't we go back to the basics?
I mean, the standard programming, it worked well for us before.
Come on, Frank, I think you're expecting an awful lot from a standard program.
Well, I know I'm not the artist here.
But we've tried this once before.
It was a total mess.
And it cost us a lot of money.
Frank, it's going to be great.
Trust me.
That's easy for you to say.
You're not responsible for the money.
I am.
Like, I'm very skeptical about this.
Look, I've made my decision.
I want to go with the standard programming.
Well, I can't propose a few guarantees.
Yes, I've heard that before, too.
Guarantees.
We had guarantees the last time, and it didn't help.
It was a nightmare.
It was the worst mistake we ever made.
It was a disaster.
Frank, I really don't think now is the time or place for you to separate yourself from
reality.
Get a grip.
Maybe this isn't the right time.
No, no, no, look.
He knows that we need this.
Frank, standard software is lame.
Now, I'm not going to pay for software that's broken all the time.
So just forget it.
I don't want any software, all right?
No software?
No software.
Now, there is a perfect example of a negotiation that's going nowhere fast.
Hello, I'm Terry Phillips, and welcome to volume three of Negotiate Like the Pros.
With me is John Patrick Dolan, a professional communicator, talking this time about the
importance of communication in the negotiation process.
Welcome back, John.
You know, the scene we just saw points out a problem I find very common in a lot of negotiations
and in society as a whole.
It's what I refer to as under communication.
You can't walk down a street without getting hit by a barrage of ads, news, and messages.
Information is everywhere, but just because we're getting more of it doesn't mean we're
communicating.
People have to reach some combined level of understanding, ideas, and feelings for real
communications to occur.
And you don't think that's happening?
Not at all.
In the scene we just saw, for instance, everyone's saying something, but no one's listening.
Communication isn't just generating a lot of words.
What you say not only has to mean something, but it should be said in a way that makes
it easy to understand.
Do you mean you have to spell everything out?
Well, not exactly, but without a real mind-to-mind, heart-to-heart communication, negotiation
just isn't going to happen, even between people who sincerely want a fair solution.
How do you communicate with them?
Well, people who cheat or lie or blatantly manipulate a situation will bring a negotiation
to a screeching halt.
They require a whole different approach, but the majority of us run into problems because
we simply can't make ourselves understood.
There are all kinds of obstacles that make the process much more complicated.
What kind of obstacles?
Well, the biggest one is emotion.
Many negotiations fall apart because people become emotional.
Everyone gets so caught up in what they want, they often fail to clearly express themselves.
I call it monologues in duet.
Do people keep talking in turns without acknowledging each other's comments?
Like the scene between Frank and Jim.
That's a perfect example of a person hearing only what they want to hear.
Jim's boss, Frank, was only able to say what he didn't want instead of what he did, and
because of his emotional reaction, he couldn't hear anyone but himself.
Well, what about Jim?
What could he have done in that situation?
Well, the rules are simple.
Say exactly what you want in clear and concise terms, then take the time to listen to the
other person's response.
I know you've covered this in more detail in your workshops.
Now, let's take a closer look.
Now, we've already discussed the fact that negotiation is an information balance, and
we've discussed the idea of using listening in conjunction with questions so that we can
change the balance in our favor.
But most of our discussion has centered on the subject matter of negotiation.
And if you remember, in our preparation checklist, we talked about knowing your subject matter
and your counterpart.
What I want to do now is take some time to talk to you about how to understand people
on the other side of the table.
There's a great body of information that was originally done with research by a psychologist
named Dr. William Marsden in the early part of this century, which has been repeatedly
updated since the original research.
And Marsden actually asked some interesting questions.
He decided he was going to study regular people, not aberrant behaviors.
But why do regular people make decisions?
Why do they say yes or no to a proposition?
Why do they go forward on a contract or decide to refrain from going into the contract, go
forward on a course of action in business, or take a pass?
He came up with some conclusions that are quite useful in determining how we're doing
in negotiation, how we change the information balance insofar as the person with whom we're
negotiating.
Here are the first four principles that Marsden came up with.
You can write these down, and then we'll use them as building blocks.
Number one, we cannot motivate other people.
We cannot motivate other people.
Now I know some of you would disagree with this, and I know many people would say, oh,
that's nonsense, and don't worry about it.
Just trust me for now.
However, those of you that have been in management for a while know this is the absolute truth.
Number two, all people are motivated.
All people are motivated.
Number three of these motivational principles clears up this seeming contradiction.
People do things for their reasons, not for our reasons.
People do things for their reasons, not for our reasons.
Now if you don't get anything else out of our time together today, if you would take
this principle back to where you work, to where you live, and use it, you will find
less friction, less anxiety, more agreements more often.
We need to remember people are going to enter an agreement with us, whatever kind of agreement
it is, because of the benefits they get, not because of why we describe the benefits to
us.
The fourth principle Marsden came up with, a person's strengths, when overused, can become
their weaknesses.
A person's strengths when overused can become their weaknesses.
Now just consider these four motivational principles as building blocks.
Now let's add to them.
Marsden in additional research identified three motivational forces.
I'm not talking about zig-ziglar type of motivation, not pump you up motivation.
I'm talking about what is your motive to say yes or no to a proposition to go forward or
refrain from going forward.
The first motivational force all of us have felt, fear.
Haven't you all felt fear before?
Well sure, we've all been afraid, we've been anxiety ridden.
How many of you are snow skiers?
Okay, about half the people in the room, well you know what fear is, if you can remember.
Remember your first time snow skiing?
You get up on top of the hill, if you could get off the chairlift without killing yourself,
and you're looking down the hill, 10,000 feet, with these eight foot boards on your feet,
and what are you saying to yourself?
What am I doing here?
But then what happens?
On the first day you go skiing, unless you get a compound fracture, what happens to your
anxiety level?
You start out up here and what happens?
After a while it goes down, doesn't it?
Marsden found this out, for naturally healthy people, individuals can't stay in a constant
state of anxiety, and so any fear, if it is faced, will dissipate.
Victor Frankl interviewed the people that came out of the concentration camps in World
War II and made a similar conclusion.
And under those most horrific of circumstances, some people figured out a way to acclimate.
Here's the difficulty, if you use fear as the reason to cause someone to enter a negotiated
agreement, once the fear goes away, how do you think they feel about the agreement?
Not very good.
Haven't we all had the experience?
You're afraid, you're nervous, you think you're going to lose something, so you accept somebody's
agreement, you accept somebody's deal, and later on you realize this is a bad one.
And then you try and figure out a way to get out of it.
Fear is the way that business and industry, at least in marketing, used to work.
I remember early in my career as an adult, I worked for an organization, and my manager
in the store was the son of the national sales manager.
And he took us to a national sales meeting, first time I'd ever been to a conference.
And we go to the suite of the national sales manager because I went along with his son.
And he gives us a preview of what he's going to say when he goes out and charges up the
troops.
He says, I'm going to go out there and tell them, you better make your numbers or heads
are going to roll.
And he says, you know what they're going to do?
They're going to go back to their regional meetings, and they're going to say, you better
make your numbers or heads are going to roll.
And then they would go back to their district meetings, and they would say, you better make
your numbers or heads are going to roll.
And then they'll go back to their stores and they yell at their employees.
And guess what?
They made their numbers.
Because at that time, that was a motivational approach that worked.
How many of you would accept that motivational approach today?
Nobody.
In fact, there's this great new kind of lawsuit in America called the employment termination
lawsuit.
I encourage you as a manager, do not use fear motivation as your general approach to working
with people.
The second motivational force Marsden identified, incentive motivation.
Now this is a nicer form of motivation because it's positive.
Fear is getting somebody to feel that negative feeling, and because they're feeling that
feeling they operate in a certain way or they go forward or refrain from going forward.
Incentive is a nice way, isn't it?
Because now people feel good rather than bad and go forward.
But here's the problem.
Remember the old donkey in the cart and the carrot in the stick?
And the donkey's looking at the carrot.
Gee, I want a bite of that carrot.
Boy, I'm hungry.
And so the donkey starts walking and it's pulling the cart.
The donkey never figures out it's never going to get a bite of the carrot.
Now most of the people with whom we negotiate are not donkeys.
We know this is not 100% true.
There are those notable exceptions.
But most people figure it out.
And they say, if you want me to keep moving, give me a bite of that carrot.
And what happens when the donkey gets a bite of the carrot?
Well, the cart feels a little heavier now.
Well, I need a little more carrot for a little less distance.
And what happens over time?
Incentive programs, if relied upon as our primary approach to negotiation, always fail.
Now I'll give you the sum total of all the research I've been able to find over the last
50 years in business schools and universities around the world insofar as incentive motivation.
It's real simple.
Short-term, varied.
If you're a manager and you want people to be motivated by incentive programs, make them
short-term programs.
Because any program over about 90 days doesn't get anybody's interest.
I'll give you a trip to Hawaii in 10 years.
Doesn't cause you to get too excited.
You could win a trip to Hawaii next month, get you excited.
And maybe you would go forward and do something you otherwise wouldn't do.
Here's the other thing.
Have you noticed how if you give an incentive program, like a certain kind of discount,
if it's given two or three times in a row, what happens to it?
It becomes part of the deal, doesn't it?
And so this incentive feeling that originally caused people to go forward now goes away
and now you have to give more and more and more.
So both fear and incentive are useful motivators as long as we use them sparingly and understand
we need to create an unnatural feeling on the part of somebody on the other side of
a transaction in order to use these motivational forces.
And in the long run, it's not the most appropriate.
The third motivational force Marsden identified was attitudinal motivation.
And what he said without getting too technical here is that most people have certain attitudinal
motivational biases and his conclusion is really common sense.
Different people are motivated by different things.
That does not make some sense.
What I like as an idea may not be something that you like as an idea.
Haven't you had this experience?
You put together this deal and you say, oh, this is great.
And you walk up to the person with whom you're negotiating and you say, here it is.
Isn't this great?
And they yawn or they say, it doesn't look that good to me.
And you wonder, what is the matter with you?
The truth is different people view things differently.
The amazing thing to me is that Marsden was able to put together research, valid research,
EEOC qualified today that says how we can determine or view different people's motivational
attitudinal biases.
By asking questions within our negotiation, we can sort of find out how people view things
and we can approach them on their terms, on their ground, on their basis so that we can
feature the benefits to them of entering the transaction we're looking forward to.
Now, in your workbook you have a seven step checklist for planning effective communication
in negotiation.
And I might just say parenthetically here, I know some people don't like to use checklists
but I really do.
I fly a lot because I do a lot of seminars around the country and around the world and
I know the next airplane I'm getting on there's going to be a pilot who probably has thousands
of hours under his belt flying his airplane and he's going to be sitting there with a
written checklist with a co-pilot going over what they're going to do as they take the
plane off the ground.
I like that because I'd rather get where I'm going in one stop at my destination rather
than have any unscheduled stops in between.
It doesn't mean you have to always look at the checklist but any time you're approaching
any significant negotiation why not use this seven step checklist.
It's pretty easy to flip through the book and go through it and I'll just run through
them.
Number one, organize and reorganize your thoughts.
Number two, write it down.
Do what we said before in preparation.
Think about it in general then write it down to get it more specific.
Number three, think it through.
Number four, plan and predict responses.
How many of you were debaters in high school or college?
Anybody here?
A few people.
All right, remember what we used to do?
We had flow sheets.
That's what we called them and we would say, okay, here's our argument.
Now here's what they're going to say.
Now here's what we're going to say back.
Here's what they're going to say back and we would argue out about eight or ten levels
of argument.
Have you noticed that if you do this it's very easy to predict most of the things that
are going to come up in a negotiation?
If you think through the process rather than just think about it.
If you think what's going to happen once you get there and what the person is going to
say and what you're going to say back and what you can say again and what they can say
again about 99% of the things that come up in a negotiation can be thought of in advance.
What's the advantage here?
Well, now we're free to concentrate on that 1% we didn't think of and we don't have this
anxiety about what's going to come up in the negotiation.
Almost every transaction can be predicted if we take the time to do the prediction.
Number five, be aware of nonverbals.
Be aware of where you're meeting.
Be aware of the eye contact with the person with whom you're negotiating.
If they're rolling their eyes it's pretty easy to surmise maybe they're not interested
in the transaction.
If they get up and leave the room that's a slam dunk.
Number six, be concise.
This is just one of my pet peeves and it really goes back to what we said in the beginning
in preparation and that is this, know what you want.
If someone asks us the question I suggest you ask them.
That is, what are you looking for in this negotiation?
We should be prepared to state in 25 words or less this is what I'm looking for in this
negotiation.
And then number seven, which really wraps up this discussion, as we plan our communication
within negotiations let's remember we need to feature the benefits to our counterpart
in our communication.
Not what's so great that we're going to get out of this transaction, what it is that they're
going to get out of this transaction and why it would be beneficial for them to enter the
agreement.
Let's see what happens when we use this approach.
So in this area I think these three people here at these stations are going to need to
communicate.
Oh hi Frank I want you to meet Matt Foley.
He's here to help us design our new software.
Software?
Well nice to meet you Matt.
And you Frank.
But in all honesty I don't know why we're designing new software.
Now don't get me wrong I want software.
Yeah me too.
But why can't we just go with the standard programming?
Well I've given that a lot of thought Frank and I've examined the pros and cons.
The advantages of using the standard software are cost, the course, and reliability.
Right.
We tried this once before and it crashed within three weeks.
It was a disaster.
Well I really think the technology is a lot more reliable now than it was.
I think the custom software is worth the risk.
A we can mold it to fit our own specific needs and B we get exclusive capabilities.
That means that we can offer styles and other options that the competition can't.
I don't know I'm still skeptical.
I mean you're the artist.
You don't have to worry about the money.
I do.
Yeah I understand your position.
I mean it seems risky.
I can't offer a guarantee on my work and reassurance that if anything happens I will replace or
redesign any problematic software.
Meaning that you will stick with it and iron out all the bugs no matter how long it takes
or what the cost.
Absolutely.
Well let's try it.
Okay.
That's the spirit.
Let's get started.
Now over in here.
John I can tell there's a difference here but could you point out the specifics?
Sure.
Well Jim was actually listening to what Frank was saying and he was being very specific
about how he answered him.
Jim was making an effort to follow the same points I brought up in the seminar and the
result is that everyone understands what's being discussed and what has to happen.
This is a fairly common type of negotiation situation John but what happens if a misunderstanding
occurs on a more serious level?
Well in a really critical negotiation a misunderstanding could cause you to lose your shirt and all
because someone didn't clarify what the other person said.
So what do you recommend John?
Don't assume you understand anything.
Always ask questions to clarify what the other person wants and to make sure they understand
what you mean.
Okay but what's the best way to do that?
Well create a checklist ahead of time.
Organize your thoughts, know what you want and list any questions that you have so you're
absolutely clear about everything.
And now tips from the pros with John Patrick Dolan.
Misperception in negotiation is critical.
Misperceptions in communication can ruin effective negotiation.
What we need to be able to do is translate what we have to say into ideas that are beneficial
to the listener or a counterpart in negotiation.
There's a really good book that helps us to do this.
It's Edward de Bono's book called I Am Right You Are Wrong.
Take a look at it.
I think it will help you to understand how we can couch in terms that make sense to our
counterpart communication so that they can get what they're looking for and we can get
what we're looking for.
In segment two John will help you recognize four personality styles and show you how you
can best negotiate with each.
Emotions can flare up at any time in any negotiation.
Let's see what happens as our friend Jim continues to hammer out a deal.
Well I hate to say it but I think you're asking too much for the software Matt.
But this is what you asked for.
Well not exactly.
For instance what is this finger paint mode?
The finger paint mode allows you to draw on the screen with your fingers.
Hey it's brilliant.
I don't think we need it.
Need it?
Of course you need it.
It's unique.
Unique is what you want right?
Well yeah but don't you think that the airbrush font out of the color burst palette would
work just as well?
Look if you think I'm going to go down on my price it's not going to happen with or
without the finger paint.
Well yeah but if we eliminate the finger paint I think we should lower the cost.
It's not going to happen.
Not a cent.
Sorry.
Why not?
Well you figure it out.
You seem to know everything.
John what do you think was going on with Matt in this negotiation?
Well Matt may be a great programmer but he seems to have a hard time dealing with other
people and he's not alone in that.
When you think about it we all carry around strong desires and fears.
Even the coolest most level headed professional can get rattled when negotiations start to
get off track.
But being emotional isn't the only human element that can complicate the process.
We're all different.
We come from various backgrounds.
We have individual tastes and needs.
These differences in personality and background can create complications of their own.
Sounds like you have to be constantly on your toes.
Well it certainly doesn't hurt but you can't let the human element drive you crazy either.
You have to understand it and learn to work with it.
Let's talk about reading people on the other side of the table.
We talked about Marsden's research.
Now let's take a look at the specific conclusions he came to regarding personality styles and
cues that we can observe so that we can determine what would be attracted to someone on the
other side of the table.
He identified four basic personality styles or characteristic approaches and while everybody
is a combination of these we'll talk about each one separately in an exaggerated way
so you'll see the kind of people we're talking about.
The first style we talk about is D or dominant.
And we talk about the D style first because the D people require that they are discussed
first.
D people are the kind of people that like to get immediate results.
They like to cause action.
They like to accept challenges.
This is the kind of person that likes power and authority, prestige and a challenge, opportunity
for individual accomplishment.
This is the kind of person if you went into their office you might see the heads of dead
animals on the wall.
What if you had this whole room full of these kind of people?
What would you have?
A fist fight might break out into a hockey game.
This is the kind of person who gets their satisfaction in negotiation out of making
decisions and taking action.
So if you've taken the Dale Carnegie course this would not be the appropriate person to
use it with.
Let me tell you how a negotiation should look if you walk into this person's office.
Here's what they think would be attractive.
What do you want?
When do I have to make a decision?
Now get out!
That's pretty much it.
They don't want to have schmoozing.
They don't want to visit with you.
This is why it's critical to know what it is you're looking for, what are the alternatives,
when do you have to have a decision.
The D-style person gets their satisfaction in negotiation and in life out of making decisions
and taking action.
Now there can be some problems because the D-type person tends to need some help weighing
the pros and cons and calculating the risks.
They tend to take on risky propositions without knowing all the details and we're all familiar
with that kind of person.
And that's great because they're a decision maker and they're willing to blaze a trail
and move forward, but sometimes you've got to watch out.
Because if this is your characteristic, you could enter into a transaction before you
know the details and when you read the fine print, you find out you're in trouble.
Something else, D-type people need difficult assignments because they are action oriented
and want to be in charge.
If you put them on a negotiating team, it can be a disaster if there's more than one.
You can have one D in charge and then you can have perhaps one entry-level deal it type
person, but you need to recognize this person doesn't want to sit around at your negotiation
committee meetings.
Send them off, let them make some results and bring them back and report.
They'll be happy with the agreement.
One last thing, D-people need understanding that they need the help of other people.
Sometimes D-people are viewed as a little insensitive.
So you'll hear things like this, oh she doesn't care about anybody else's feelings, which
is not true.
She never thought about anybody else's feelings.
D-people tend to say things like this, well I thought we were here to do a job.
I didn't realize it was personal and that's about as good an apology as you'll ever get
from a D-person.
But do you recognize this style now?
Recognize and apply this information so that when you walk into a negotiation and someone
is demanding and decision oriented, you can switch your mode and offer your proposition
so that it's an alternative choice with a deadline.
This person will love the process, make a decision and you'll have a transaction put
together.
Now that's the D-style, but there's other kinds of people in the world.
Marsden identified a second style which is called the I or influencing style.
These are the kind of people that like to make friends and you'll notice in your workbook
there's some information on the I-style.
I-people like to contact people.
They like to make a favorable impression.
They like to verbalize with articulateness.
This is the kind of person that likes popularity and social recognition, public recognition
of their ability, freedom of expression.
If you go into this person's office you won't see the heads of dead animals on the wall.
You will see pictures, pictures of people they revere or people that they like.
Here I am with the president or here I am with the president of the corporation or Jimi
Hendrix, just somebody that they think is cool.
When you walk into this person's office don't talk about the deal.
Visit, schmooze.
If you're visiting with this person and they get to like you and they like the proposition
that you're offering and maybe you refer them to other people who've made similar decisions
or gone on a similar course of action then at the end they'll say yes.
They like the D-people probably won't read the fine details but here's the point.
The I-person gets their satisfaction in negotiation out of working with people that they like.
And so if you approach this person put the deal down for a second and visit and make
sure that you establish rapport then things will go pretty well.
You can tell the difference between these two initial styles.
If you're having a party you call your D-friend.
Here's what they're going to say.
What time does it start?
What time is it over?
You call your I-friend.
You know what they're going to say?
Who's going to be there?
I could come early.
I could stay late.
You can start to tell as you observe these tendencies how you approach negotiation with
these people.
Now I-people need some help concentrating on the task and seeking facts.
How many of you recognize yourself as perhaps having some of this tendency?
A few people in the room?
How many of you that just raised your hands have too many things going on right now?
Guess what?
It never ends.
It's such an unburdening when you recognize this is the kind of person you are.
You're an idea person and you're always doing some things that require new and different
ideas.
But here's the difficulty.
About halfway through a project you say, well I see how that's going to come out.
Let's go on to something else.
And so you tend to have a lack of follow through.
I-people tend to get caught many times in negotiation because they let somebody else
write up the letter that confirms the telephone conversation and that can be a disaster.
So I-people need help concentrating on the facts.
They need help controlling their time too.
I-people tend to lose track of time because they're so personally oriented that they don't
look at their watch.
The I-people wear a watch usually because it's a very attractive watch but they don't
look at it a lot.
Now the D-person not only looks at their watch if they get really bored they're hitting their
watch.
You know?
Isn't this over yet?
Could you understand how you can see these cues if you're observant as you approach negotiation?
I-people also need some help in objectivity in making decisions because they will take
on a risky proposition just like the D-person but the D-person takes it on so I can make
this thing happen.
The I-person takes it on for a different reason because it is yet another opportunity to stand
up in front of everyone and say if we all join hands and work together we can make this
thing happen.
You can start to see the tendencies and change the way you offer your appeals in negotiation
and start to get some tremendous results.
Now the D's and the I's are the big picture people, the long range people, the mission
statement people.
The S's and C's, the other two categories, are the more micro-oriented, detail-oriented.
S stands for stableness or stability and now you'll start to see some of the real contrast.
S-people like to perform an accepted work pattern.
They like to sit or stay in one place.
They like to demonstrate patience.
This is the kind of person that likes security, the status quo, and less given reason for
a change.
If you went into an S-person's office what would you see?
You're right, not much.
You wouldn't see a lot of heads of dead animals.
You wouldn't see a lot of pictures, but you would see a very well organized office.
S-people get their satisfaction in life and in negotiation in particular out of performing
process.
They do things on a repetitive basis and they get satisfaction out of doing things right.
Now you can see there is a natural friction in the marketplace.
Who do you think the sales and marketing people are out in the marketplace?
The D's and I's, right?
Hey, let's make a deal.
Let's make a deal.
We're purchasing people.
The S's and C's.
Well, wait a minute.
We need to fill out some paperwork.
We need to follow the process before we can give you what you're looking for in this transaction.
If you had this whole room full of S-people what might you have?
Boring.
Now, see that's spoken like a true dear eye.
They're not boring.
They're just good note keepers.
And the S-people, by the way, will have their workbook a year later in a file.
The D-people do this, oh, it's over now, and they leave.
What do you think an S-person is looking for in a negotiation?
Predictability.
So when you meet with an S-person, here's the first tip.
Don't just show up.
Now, you see, with D and I people you could say, hey, I happen to be in the area.
I wanted to stop by.
I wanted to talk to you about a brand new product.
The D and I people, come on in.
Let's talk about it.
Hey, how's it going?
I've only got two minutes.
You walk into an S-person's office unannounced.
Do you know what they're going to say first thing?
Excuse me, did you have an appointment?
You see, S-people plan their day.
They have their day organized.
And if you just stop in, you're interrupting the process, which is where they get their
satisfaction out of their work.
So when you meet with an S-person, you set an appointment.
You show up on time at the appointment.
And when you get there, here's what you don't do.
Don't say anything about your product or your service being new or different.
Instead you say, this is the same product you've come to rely upon.
You know you can count on us.
We know we can count on you.
Isn't it great in this ever-changing world that at least some organizations are stable
and reliable?
Because the S-person wants to hear this.
And once you begin the discussion in this form, then you could shift gears and say,
by the way, it's the same product, but we've improved it slightly.
Take a look at these improvements.
With the D or the I-person, you might want to lead with the improvements.
With the S-person, you want to leave that until later after you've established you're
reliable, you're predictable, you're stable.
Now, S-people need help reacting quickly to unexpected change and stretching toward the
challenges of an accepted task.
If you hear any good ideas in this program, don't go back to your office and say, we're
going to change everything around here.
Because the D and I-people say, all right, we're changing everything.
Isn't it great?
We're doing things different again.
The S-people say, oh, man, you went to another seminar.
Give them some time to digest.
Think about your policy manuals at the office.
The D-persons, well, they don't even read the policy manual.
You just tell me what you want me to get done.
I don't have to waste my time with a policy manual unless they wrote it.
And then everybody better know the policy manual.
The I-person, they don't really rely on the policy manual, but they do open it up.
They say, gee, I wonder who wrote this.
The S-person knows the policy manual.
The S-person actually reads the software manual before they put the software in the computer,
which is an amazing thing to some people.
S-people need some validation of self-worth as well.
Now, we all need this.
Most of us have studied Maslow and the hierarchy of needs.
And we know after some shelter and some basic food, we want to feel important.
We want to get some satisfaction out of what we do.
It's just that the D and I people get it automatically.
They put themselves in the position to get a lot of adulation.
S-people would rather not be in the spotlight.
And so as a manager, if you have S-people working with you, you need to seek them out
and tell them without you, this wouldn't be the organization that it is.
If you have customers that have this characteristic, you need to seek them out and say, without
customers like you who are reliable, we just wouldn't be able to stay in business.
This is the kind of validation that S-people need in order to stay active and interested
in transactions that we offer.
Now, the last category is C. C stands for compliance or compliant.
And just like the D's and I's are in one hemisphere, the S's and C's are in the other hemisphere.
That is, they are detail-oriented, except C-people are even more detail-oriented.
Here are the tendencies that are noted in your workbook.
People like to pay attention to key standards.
They like to concentrate on key details.
They like to work under known circumstances.
They like security.
They like standard operating procedures.
They like a sheltered environment.
If you went into their office, you would basically see a very well-organized office, probably
with a lot of manuals and diagrams and charts, because this person gets their satisfaction
out of detail.
If you had this whole room full of C-people, what would you have?
A computer programmer's convention, an engineer's convention, an accountant's convention?
It would be detail-oriented people.
Now, let me give you a tip on negotiating with C-type people.
Here's the first thing.
Don't show up unannounced, just like with the S's.
You got to make an appointment.
When you get there, let me tell you how you can release a lot of anxiety.
Realize this.
When you walk into a C's office, you're not going to make a deal today, because C-people
want more information.
C-people get their satisfaction in negotiation out of making the right decision.
And so C-people say, if we need to take a little more time to gather a little more information,
if you get this right, I think we should.
C-people not only read the policy manual, they can point out to you the typographical
errors in the policy manual.
This is a very detail-oriented person, but think about it.
Every organization needs all of these types of people to be profitable, doesn't it?
What's important to recognize as we study negotiation is who's on the other side of
the table when we approach them.
If we have a D-person, what do we need to do?
Give them a choice, give them a couple of alternatives, give them a deadline, let them
be in charge and make a decision, and get out of there.
If we have an I-person, visit.
Find some things in common.
See what you could do to work together.
If you have an S-person, what do you do?
Emphasize the reliability, the stableness of your organization or of your transaction.
It's just the same kind of contract we make every year, nothing new here.
If you walk into a C's office, what do you know?
They're not going to make a decision right now.
They're going to want you to provide some additional information.
Just knowing this can make a huge difference.
Facts ahead.
Give them your toll-free technical line.
Know when you get there they're going to want more and say this, I know you're probably
going to want some more information.
Tell me what you're looking for.
Let me take it down and I'll get it back to you so that you can be informed and make a
proper decision.
As you can see, just by understanding these styles, all of a sudden we can start to read
people on the other side of the table.
And what else does this tell us?
It tells us we can start to get some insights into emotions, doesn't it?
Emotions are related to our perceptions.
As we perceive the world then, those perceptions affect our emotions.
So if someone starts getting emotional, what does that mean?
Well it means that maybe we're having a miscue between us communication-wise as far as our
perceptions of what's taking place in the negotiation.
Now let's go back to Matt and Jim in the software negotiations and see how Jim is able to
deal with Matt's emotional response.
You know everything, you figure it out.
No, I don't know everything.
I'm just trying to work out a fair deal here.
Now why can't we lower the price if we eliminate finger paint?
People tell me they want to unique, so I get them unique.
And once they receive unique, oh it's too expensive.
It happens all the time and it's driving me nuts.
So everybody wants something for nothing.
But you can't.
You have to pay for quality.
Yeah, I understand.
Do you?
Yeah, as a designer I face similar situations every day and it aggravates me as well.
Actually this whole process has been slow torture for me.
But what choice do I have?
I'm sure you've worked a long time on this too.
It seems like it's my best work that keeps getting rejected.
You gotta realize though that we're a small company.
We take these slow and careful steps.
We can't afford the luxury of extravagance at this point.
Now how much can we take off if we eliminate finger paint?
Well let's see.
Okay.
John, we have just seen how Jim used some very basic principles to get to the real reason
why Matt was so upset.
Yeah, he listened and got him to open up.
Have you ever been in a situation when these methods didn't work?
Well sometimes it's necessary to call in a third party arbitrator.
Someone who has nothing to gain by the outcome of the negotiation.
Because the beauty of an arbitrator is that an impartial third party can shift the negotiations
from positional bargaining to bargaining based on interests.
I'm not sure I follow you there.
Well the third party can take everyone's interests into account and then put together an appropriate
plan.
Although ideally it would be better if the parties got the job done themselves.
Now I'm sure there are times when even an objective third party doesn't work.
What then?
Well exercise your second option.
Bail out.
Abandon the negotiations, at least for the time being.
Well sometimes a deal just isn't meant to happen.
Or maybe everyone involved needs some time to think about what they are willing to give
up in order to get what they want.
Here's the bottom line.
You always have the option of walking out.
It's drastic, but sometimes it's the only way to get people to play fair.
Well it does sound drastic.
Well let me add this.
The way you walk out is just as important as being willing to walk out in the first place.
Your actions could be saying, I need some time to think about this.
Or take it or leave it.
Or forget it.
But if you've reached an impasse and the other party rejects the idea of using a third party,
the negotiations are dead anyway, aren't they?
Well not necessarily.
You could say something like this.
We're obviously not getting anywhere.
Why don't we both just think about it for a while?
If either one of us comes up with something we can both live with, we can get back together
later.
And now Tips from the Pros with John Patrick Dolan.
Because we don't spend a lot of time in this training program on international and intercultural
communication and negotiation, I thought I'd recommend to you six publications that could
really help you in this field.
Gestures, the Do's and Taboos of Body Language Around the World by Roger Axtell.
Also by Roger Axtell, the Do's and Taboos of International Trade.
Global Vision, Building New Models for the Corporation of the Future by John L. Daniels
and Dr. N. Caroline Daniels.
Total Global Strategy, Managing for Worldwide Competitive Advantage by George S. Yip.
Making Global Deals, What Every Executive Should Know About Negotiating Abroad by Jezwald
W. Salekutes.
And Culture and Negotiation by Guy Farr and Jeffrey Z. Rubin.
Reading these six books will really give you a head start negotiating in the global village.
Sometimes we can become our own worst enemies.
In Segment Three, John will show you how to avoid bad decisions by learning to focus on
their weaknesses instead of your own.
But it's not easy, especially when the pressure is high and your confidence is low.
But see, the bid for the design software is just too high.
I don't know what to do.
I can't spend up any more.
Can't you go to someone else?
No.
Matt and Computer Country are the best.
And that's the problem.
They know it.
So I don't know how to negotiate this.
Maybe we should just pay it.
Oh no.
I can't go back to Frank and ask for more money now.
Well what can you do?
Well, I talked to these guys in San Francisco.
We could use them maybe, but they're not near as good.
Look, Jim, you've been able to negotiate on everything else.
Why can't you negotiate on this?
No, don't you get it?
These guys are big.
They're the best.
They're pros and I'm nothing.
How many of us have felt like Jim here?
They're the best and the biggest and we're nothing.
But you know, it doesn't have to be that way.
You can negotiate with strength and confidence even from a perceived weak position.
John, what can we do when the other person seems to have all the power?
Well, there are times when you negotiate with people who seem to hold all the cards.
For instance, you're looking for a job in a market that's saturated or dealing with
the biggest and the best, like the people in that scene.
So what's the biggest obstacle to overcome?
Well, it's usually the one in your own mind.
How you perceive the situation will almost always have more to do with the outcome than
the realities of the situation.
And I think you'll see how that works in the workshop coming up.
Let's take a look.
How about this?
What if you find yourself in a situation where you begin to believe that they have all the
power and you have none?
Well first of all, don't panic.
Don't psych yourself out.
Avoid making bad decisions because you feel like you're in a weak position.
What can we do?
Well, we can bargain more carefully.
We can make sure that we carefully prepare ourselves to negotiate.
Remember they're talking to you for some reason, so return to your strength.
Focus on their weaknesses.
Think about the word power.
We hear this word and we talk about it a lot.
We say things like, well I don't have any power in this situation or they have all the
power.
But what does this really mean?
What does this word mean?
It really means one party in the negotiation is perceived as having the upper hand.
But there are different kinds of power and if you really think about it, you have to
have some kind of power in the negotiation.
Otherwise it wouldn't be there, right?
Because remember they're negotiating with you for a reason.
Think about the different kinds of power.
Positional power.
Organizational power is let's say in an organizational chart you happen to be president and someone
else is perhaps a vice president.
Well then you have power in that situation.
But that's not the only kind of power, is it?
How about credential power?
Have special degrees.
You have advanced studies.
Have you ever been in a restaurant waiting to get a table and then you hear Dr. Smith,
table for four, and Dr. Smith gets the table and they came in after you?
A lot of times that works, doesn't it?
Credential power works.
Sometimes you have to think is there some credential power that I can use in this circumstance?
Closely related to credential power.
Competence power.
What if you're not the president of the corporation at all?
What if you happen to be a staffer but you're the only person that knows how to make the
computer work?
Well the president might be able to say a lot of things and write a lot of checks but
if you don't use the computer, the computer work doesn't get done.
So you have power in a relationship with the president even though it's not the traditionally
perceived power, you have competence power.
What about ethical power?
Have you thought about this or moral power?
Have you ever given deference to a priest or to a rabbi or to someone like Mother Teresa
because of the position that they hold morally and ethically and so they have some ability
to persuade even though perhaps they don't have a big checkbook?
That's power too, isn't it?
And there's personality power and I think most of us understand personality power.
I just can't say no to her or I just can't say no to him.
I don't know what it is every time I meet with this person they seem to get me to do
things I really would rather not do.
It's just the kind of person they are.
You might have that kind of power too.
Think about these special kinds of power as you evaluate your position.
It goes back to what we said earlier about information being power.
Your first line of defense is to find out everything you can before you start to negotiate.
Take everything I've said about preparation and magnify it to the tenth power when you
feel like you're weak.
For example, does the other side know how much power it really has?
That's important, isn't it?
Do you really know what their weaknesses are?
Have you taken the time to find out where their weaknesses lie because almost everyone
in every negotiation has one or two weaknesses?
Do they know what your weaknesses are?
Because if you don't tell them they might not know.
The last thing you want to do when you walk in to buy a new refrigerator is to say, our
refrigerator just broke down.
Our frozen food is melting.
We have to buy one right now.
They won't know that if you don't tell them.
Do they really want to play hardball?
That's another question, isn't it?
Aren't there organizations in the world who if they wanted to could crush you, but for
some reason or another they seem to want to be helpful.
They want to nurture an industry, for example, and so they help their competitors to get
things going.
That's an important consideration too.
I've seen people settle lawsuits out of court for ridiculous amounts of money or terms when
they had sure cases.
Why would you do that?
Well, you think about it.
Sometimes people don't want to go through the ordeal of a long drawn out trial, even
if they happen to have all kinds of money.
And maybe they have the best arguments.
Maybe they've realized that it would cost them more to press the lawsuit than they would
gain if they won.
Maybe an example of bad publicity.
And so they say, we'll settle this case even though we could probably beat you at trial.
They might even be frightened that some of their own skeletons would come parading out.
See what I mean?
People may have all kinds of reasons to back away from crushing a bargaining opponent.
You never know until you look into it.
And here's a refreshing thought.
I found over the years that the vast majority of people are not vindictive or greedy.
They're not rotten.
Who knows?
You might get lucky and draw a kind hearted soul who'll settle for a pint of blood rather
than a vampire who wants to go for the throat.
The bottom line is to focus on putting together creative alternatives that work for both of
you.
If we do this, then we can overcome this perceived difficulty of feeling like they have all the
power and we have none.
Now let's take a look at the way negotiations proceed when you focus on your strengths.
Hi, Jim.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
Matt.
Hi.
Well, going over everything.
First part, it looks great.
Now is there something that you don't like?
Well, I think the bid on the software design is a little bit high.
Well, I think maybe what we need to do is go to the standard programming after all.
No, no, no.
We want that software design.
Well, I don't know what to tell you, Jim.
You know, we've been trying really hard to accommodate you.
I know you have, Sue, and I really appreciate it.
But you've got to come down on the price.
Jim, I can't come down another cent.
Sorry.
Look, think about it.
We're a growing company.
We're looking for a long-term relationship.
To be honest, I really want to deal with you, but I might not be able to afford it.
Well, you know, I'd hate to let this go.
Well, I would too.
Especially since Matt's already done a majority of the programming.
You know the system is going to expand.
You know we're going to have to buy more.
I'd hate to see you waste all this time and energy.
Well, why don't we take a look at the figures and see what we can do?
Okay.
Looks like Jim did his homework and used his strength and his opponent's weaknesses
to his advantage.
Well, that's right.
Jim focused on the amount of time that Matt had already spent on the project, and he pointed
out what Matt and Sue had to lose if they said goodbye to a long-term relationship with
Jim's company.
Are all weaknesses that obvious from the start?
Well, not always.
But remember, everybody has at least one or two.
Sometimes you have to dig around to find them.
But once your initial preparation and research is complete, do you stop there?
No.
Keep asking questions.
Even once the negotiations have started.
Questions can be one of your most powerful negotiating tools.
You'll either uncover more of your opponent's weaknesses or discover additional strengths
in your own position.
What if you can't find your opponent's weaknesses, no matter how deep you dig?
Sometimes you can create a perception of weakness, and that perception doesn't always have to
be in the mind of your opponent.
Can you give us an example?
Sure.
It's like the poor, helpless kidnapping victim who plants the seed of doubt about one of
her abductors in his partner's mind.
That's a clear case of an underdog out negotiating an opponent.
Thanks, John.
But I'm afraid we're out of time right now.
What's coming up in volume four?
Well, we'll take a look at how to make sure you get and hold on to what you want in any
negotiation.
Sounds good.
We hope to see you again when we continue in volume four of How to Negotiate Like the
Pros with John Patrick Dolan.
And now, tips from the pros with John Patrick Dolan.
If you feel like you're negotiating from a position of weakness on a regular basis, here's
another publication that can help.
It's called I Win, You Win.
It's a publication that will help you to have fewer conflicts, put together better solutions,
and develop more satisfying relationships.
Take a look at it.
This is the end of volume three.
Join us in volume four as John Patrick Dolan discusses 13 fatal mistakes that amateur negotiators
often make, as well as some solid advice about what to do if your talks do break down.