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Choo-choo-choo-choo.
Ding!
Choo-choo-choo-choo.
Brrrrrr.
Hello.
Oh, no.
No, no.
Brrrrrr.
Hello.
No more chatter.
Brrrrrrrr.
Hello.
I'm not a horse and I'm a dog.
Bong-bong.
Pshh.
Oh, yeah.
I guess I'm right.
Oh, yeah.
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
This is the house that Jack built
What is
the house
that
Jack
built
built
this is
the voice
that
Jack
built
and this
is the
wife
built. This is the car with the crumpled horn that drives Jack to work to pay for
the bill that worries the wife that turns on the voice that speaks in the
house that Jack built. This is the city with its millions of Jacks and its
millions of Ralphs and its millions of Charlies and Toms, Peets, Freds, Sams, Daves,
Gordons and Jims all paying off debts that are up to their chins. And these are
the days that make up the weeks, that make up the months, that make up the year,
that make them secure. So they'll stay at their jobs, buy lots of things and build
them a house like Jack built.
Oh I'm tired of this rat race. I want to be different. One day while Jack was on
his way home from work. Oh this car isn't worth beans. Hold on a minute I'll give
you these beans for that car mister. Jack absently made the business
transaction. When he arrived home Jack showed the beans to his wife. Oh and
behold the following morning. Wow the beans were magic. It goes clear up to the
sky. It's me. I'm gonna climb it and see where it goes dear. Okay. Don't wait up.
Don't forget your sweater. Here he goes.
Wow what a strange and wondrous land. Why richness and grandeur are everywhere.
The long climb however had given Jack a tremendous appetite. Yes. I've just
finished a considerable climb ma'am and I'm very hungry. Oh welcome morning. Come
in. Come in. You can eat all you want. The kind lady presented Jack with an
enormous feast which he promptly dug into. Jack had no sooner finished the
meal when. My husband my husband. Quickly quickly.
I smell the blood of a middle class.
It's only the cafe our burning dear. Dinner's ready. Come on now dinner's ready.
Mr. Giant happened to be hungry as a bear so grumbling amiably he sat down to
feast. Before him lay a tremendous platter of pheasant under glass. With
much relish hot sauce and gusto Mr. Giant ate every one. Upon finishing he
withdrew a leather case from his jacket inside which was a golden mirror.
You are fantastic. You are wonderful. You can leave the tallest building with a single
bow. You are six foot three. You have all your hair and you have no cavities. You are terrific. You are unique. You're beautiful. We'll see you in the dreams.
Wow is he ever unique. That must be a magic mirror. I've got a half of my very
own. Jack wasted no time quickly lifting the golden mirror. He fled back to the
beanstalk and back to his home and wife. The following morning Jack reported to
work as usual. You idiot you dimwitted stumble bum your absence yesterday cost
this firm plenty. You half-grown ball-headed boob how dare you to abuse
the policy of this firm. You fool you claw you pea brain idiotic fountain of
stupidity you ought to be tired feathered fractured folded spindle and
you're one of the ten best dressed men in the world. You're marvelous. Dynamic. You know who you are
Jack. You're a natural leader a king. You're big Jack the giant killer. You're
terrific. You're a winner. You're fired. Yes sir thank you sir and here's my key to the
executive washroom. This is the new house that Jack built. It's not quite like the
house that Farnsworth, Dummix, Vanderslide, Lotz Rock, Fleece Line and Green
Pockets built. This is the voice that speaks in the house that Jack built and
this is the car with a silver horn that drives Jack to work at six in the morning
and these are the 24-hour days that make up the weeks that make up the months
that make up the year. These are the pills he takes for his ills. This is the
x-ray that sums up his day. This is the club with the alcohol rub. This is the
bar with a muffled noise where deals are made with some of the boys. This is the
convention some spare time is spent in. This is his villa in southern Manila.
This is the basin his yacht has a race in. This is the beach his office can
reach and this is his trip at Split-Second Clip and these are his pets
whose names he forgets. This is Jack's peak his climb was unique.
Dear two-bit mirror, I'm tired of being unique. I want to be different.
In high school, she was in the middle of her middle class. She told her husband Ralph to clean off the front walk before he left for work.
Is that alright with you?
But Ralph never did what his wife told him to do. When Ralph returned home there
was a body lying on his front stairs. It was the mailman. He had obviously slipped
on the ice that Ralph hadn't cleaned away and broken his neck.
Ralph fearing the wrath of the letter carriers union carried the body into the
house. He decided he would put the body into the trunk of his car and dump it
somewhere before anyone noticed that the mailman was missing. A problem struck him.
If the police investigated the disappearance of the mailman there was a
rather obvious clue. All the houses on the mailman's route preceding his own
would have had a mail delivery that day. Those after his would not. Ralph wondered
if he should turn himself in. He remembered that a mailman had once
broken his leg on a friend's property and that had cost the friend a lot of
money. A broken neck was probably considered as bad as ten broken legs.
Ralph poured himself a drink to steady his nerves. Then he undressed the mailman
and leaving the mailman comfortably in a living room chair put on the mailman's
uniform and went out to deliver the mail.
No one noticed that it was Ralph delivering the mail instead of the
regular mailman. When he got home he found that his key was still in his own
pants not in the mailman's pants. He tried to get in a window. He was spotted
by some policemen in the passing police car. They accused him of trying to break
into the house. Ralph claimed that it was his own house. The policemen were doubtful
that a mailman could afford such a large house. Ralph remembered that there was a
body in his living room and dropped the subject. As they were taking him away a
policeman told Ralph that he was a disgrace to the letter carriers union.
When Alice came home she found that the window had been forced open. She found
the mailman, the pile of clothing, and the open bottle. She'd had an affair with the
mailman some months before. She'd broken off with him but it seemed he had to come
back. He had broken into the house to see her and not finding her had drunk half a
bottle of whiskey, ripped off his clothes, and fallen into a stupor. It was just
like him she thought. Fearing that Ralph would return soon and find him there she
dressed the mailman, put him in the car, drove to his apartment, carried him up
the stairs, and put him to bed. She gave him a last kiss before leaving. For the
first time she noticed he wasn't breathing. For the first time another
possibility occurred to her.
Perhaps the mailman had been surprised by Ralph and Ralph had killed him.
Perhaps Ralph was out buying a gun right at that moment to kill her too.
Alice drove away to another province and started a new life under the name
Patricia.
Meanwhile Ralph was being released from the police station. Letter Carrier's
Union, still under the misapprehension that Ralph was the regular letter carrier,
had paid his bail. When he got home he noticed the body had disappeared. He
burned the mailman's uniform and resolved to forget the whole thing. When
the trial date for the mailman arrived he did not show up. The authorities went
to the mailman's apartment and found that he had passed away in his bed. One
of the policemen noticed that he looked different but another said that was
just because he was dead. The coroner was surprised to find that the mailman had
died of a broken neck in bed. He surmised that the mailman, filled with remorse for
his crime, had dreamed that he was being hanged. The resulting reflex of his neck
muscles had snapped his neck. After a while Ralph stopped worrying about the
fact that the body had disappeared and that his wife had never come back. And in
all the long and happy years that followed Ralph never cleaned the walk.
Hey! He's got a cobalt!
The summer my grandmother was supposed to die or as my mother said, pass away, we
didn't leave the city. The only thing was to stay at home and wait for it to
happen. It was a hot summer. Her bedroom was just behind the kitchen. When we sat
down to eat you could smell her. According to Dr. Katzman any day might be
her last in this world. It's in the hands of the Almighty. Won't be long now, my
father said, and she'll be better off if you know what I mean. God in heaven, what's
she holding on for? A nurse came every day from the Royal Victorian Order. She
arrived punctually at noon and at 5 to 12 I joined the rest of the boys under
the outside staircase to pick up her dress as she climbed to our second story
flat. Before your grandma kicks off she's gonna roll her eyes and gurgle. That's
what they call the death rattle. You know everything, I read it you jerk, in
Perry Mason. After she dies her hair will go on growing for another 24 hours. Says
who? Doody Kravitz. Do you think Uncle Lou will come from New York for the funeral?
I suppose so. Boy that means another fiver for me, even more for you. You
shouldn't say things like that or her ghost will come back to haunt you. Her
bedroom had actually been promised to me for my seventh birthday but now I had to
go on sharing a room with my sister. So naturally I was resentful when each
morning before I left for school my mother insisted that I go in and kiss my
grandmother goodbye. Boy oh boy oh. Was the only sound my grandmother could make. I
wondered if she knew I was waiting for her room. After two years I protested to
my mother. What's the use of telling her I'm going here I'm going there? She
doesn't even recognize me anymore. Don't be fresh she's your grandmother.
Oh.
Inevitably there came the morning my mother just couldn't get out of bed. Dr.
Katzman led my father into the kitchen. Your wife's got a gallstone condition. My
grandmother's children met and decided to put the old lady in the Jewish old
people's home on Espanade Street. While my mother slept an ambulance came to
take my grandmother away. It's for the best Dr. Katzman said. Easy does it
granny. When my mother got out of bed two weeks later my grandmother's name was
seldom mentioned until one evening after I had a fight with my sister I said. Why
can't I move into the back bedroom now? My father glared at me. Big mouth. The
next afternoon my mother put on her best dress and coat new spring hat. Don't go
looking for trouble. Did you think I was never going to visit her? I'm nothing
human you know. I was born lucky and that's it.
I knew it.
I was born with all the luck.
It was on a Friday afternoon that I came home to find the crowd gathered in front
of our house. That's the answer after so many years. And probably next year they
just have a cure. Isn't that always the case? Your grandmother's dead. Where's
mom? In the bedroom. You better not go in. I want to see her. Don't come in here.
Your grandmother's dead. Daddy told me. Go wash your face and comb your hair. Yeah.
One minute. The papa left some jewelry. The necklace is for Rivka and the ring
is for your wife. Who's getting married? My uncle a rabbi and Dr. Katzman
stepped outside to light cigarettes. I know exactly how you feel Dr. Katzman
said. There's been a death in the family. Your heart is broken and yet it's a
splendid summer day. A day made for love and laughter and that must seem very
cruel to you. The rabbi nodded. He sighed. It's remarkable that she held out so long.
It's amazing the mysteries of the human heart. Astonishing.
Well, Peshurka, this is our last night together. Tomorrow you can take over the
back room. Are you crazy? You always wanted it for yourself, didn't you? She
died in there but... So? I couldn't sleep in there now. Good night and happy dreams.
Hey, let's talk some more. Did you know that when they hang a man the last thing
that happens is he has an orgasm? A what? Skip it. I forgot you were still in
kindergarten. I kiss my rock, Canadian. Boy, oh boy, oh who's that sleeping in my bed?
They're thrilling. They're shocking. They're the National Film Board videos
and they're now available at your local public library. Experience the drama, the
passion, the history, and the humor that is Canada. I do not. They're the movies
that everyone is talking about. Take one out today and enjoy quality entertainment
in the privacy of your own home.
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you