1-800-Collect presents, Max Jerome, Private Eye.
When I saw her, my heart started pounding like a heavyweight speed bag.
Until she started calling Collect without dialing 1-800-Collect.
You could be saving up to 44% by dialing 1-800-Collect, Angel.
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This is for Coach Branigan, who kept me in that game.
And for all the kids who voted for me.
For my family, who said there isn't anything I can't do.
And for myself, who believed.
So, where's Alec?
I don't know. It didn't work out. He was too complicated.
And he wore alligator loafers.
Since 1873, Original Coors in the Yellow Can.
Alligator loafers?
He said, what? I'll be there in 10 minutes, Max. Do not start without me.
Slow down, you're gonna get us killed.
You're driving like a bat on a Hades.
Traveling's an adventure. Where you stay, shouldn't be.
Fairfield Inn by Marriott.
So, where's Alec?
I don't know. It didn't work out. He was too complicated.
And he wore alligator loafers.
Since 1873, Original Coors in the Yellow Can.
Alligator loafers?
If you want more computer for your money, you gotta call us, the friendly folks at Gateway 2000.
Pick up the phone and give us a call.
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I'm kinda nervous.
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Monday night. The road to Manhattan gets a little rougher when 16 becomes 8.
The NIT. Second round coverage. Monday at 7.30 on ESPN.
Well, what about a blimp, sir? The Sourdough Jack Blimp.
Yeah, that's appetizing. Look, our Sourdough Jack is the most unique burger out there.
No one else is combining crunchy grilled sourdough with a big juicy cheeseburger.
This Sourdough Jack could be huge. Huge. So how do we spread the word?
How about a website?
Jack, I know some guys. We could spread the word for you.
To get to my Subaru dealer, I gotta go through a stream, across a desert, and over a river.
Through a stream, across a desert, and over a mountain.
Of course, you folks have it a mile easier.
You've got Subaru dealers right in your own backyard.
And they're some of the best names in the business.
So if you're in the market for a Legacy, an Impreza, or my new 97 Outback,
remember, there's a Subaru dealer near you.
I just wish there was one near me.
Hurry over to Versilu Subaru in Findlay Subaru in Las Vegas today.
This place is they love to promote from within. And you can go from being a production assistant,
like Glenn Jacobs was, and go right to the top, practically running this place.
Yeah. Gotta run. Gotta run. Talk to you later. See you in Boca.
Keith, that Bisc in a Basket thing, it's gotta go.
Mr. Jacobs is central.
No, lose it. The Pillsbury people, they're all over my ass.
Mr. Jacobs is...
Shut up! Remember what I did to that weasel Kilborn? Now he's slumming at Comedy Central.
You do the right thing. You pay your dues. There's room for you at the top.
1-800-Collect presents Max Jerome, Private R.
My boyfriend won't accept my calls. I think he's sick of hearing my voice.
I can't see why.
Call him back.
Oh, that's your problem. You should be dialing 1-800-Collect. You'll save him up to 44%. It's easy. Watch.
44%? Then he could find me the rock I've been dreaming about.
To be down?
Any Joe will tell you, 1-800-Collect is the easy way to save up to 44%.
Undefeated three-time world champion Roy Jones Jr. has decimated two entire weight divisions.
Now, he faces his biggest and strongest opponent ever.
Undefeated number one ranked Montel Griffin.
Live March 21st on HBO.
The light heavyweight championship of the world.
They don't know the first thing about losing.
But one of them's going to learn.
Monday night. The road to Manhattan gets a little rougher when 16 becomes 8.
The NIT. Second round coverage. Monday at 7.30 on ESPN.
In the yellow can.
So here Ray got a new pickup.
What?
Uh, so, sir, I think that I could be a real asset to your company.
Jenkins. I think we can use a man like you.
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
For about the price of an ordinary hotel, Residence Inn offers you a living room, too.
Just in case you need one.
Residence Inn by Marriott. Room to relax, room to work, room to breathe.
They say the 50s were the golden age of television.
But today we can actually use our TVs to surf the Internet.
So we can go places we've always dreamed of going.
Find out about almost anything.
Hear things we've never heard before.
Amazing.
Web TV from Phillips Magnavox.
The power of the Internet now on your own television.
Think I'm in love.
You are witnessing, in its entirety, the Volkswagen sales pitch.
You want to take it for a spin?
Come on, put your seat in our seat.
It's Volkswagen's national test drive event.
On the road of life, there are passengers and there are drivers.
Jack.
Hey.
Get your own beer.
Since 1873, Original Coors in the Yellow Can.
So here Ray got a new pickup.
What?
ESPN News is great because I get all these breaking stories from people like Peter Gammon.
And with ESPN Net Sportsone, I can find out more about a story I just heard on ESPN News.
Or go into Peter Gammon's chat room.
Share my thoughts.
With Peter?
Find out why he won't return my calls.
I'll just be with him.
You know what I don't like?
His wife.
She's not very friendly.
Trucks.
Friendly Ford.
You can't think of one without the other.
Because Friendly Ford is your truck stop.
It's truck month at Friendly Ford.
The biggest truck sales event of the year.
New 97F150 trucks.
Motor Trends truck of the year.
Get your first payment and first year's registration fees paid.
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If you've ever thought about buying a truck, don't miss this sale.
You'll be crazy about your Friendly Ford truck.
They're all on sale now during truck month.
At Friendly Ford, Nevada's largest volume Ford dealer since 1970.
Over 98% return on all our dollar slots.
And that's certified.
Over 100% return on video poker.
And that's certified.
Only at the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino.
Nobody's better.
And that's certified.
100 times odds on craps.
All day, every day.
And that's certified.
Double Deck Blackjack.
And that's certified.
With paybacks like this, why play anywhere else?
Stratosphere Hotel and Casino.
Nobody's better.
And that's certified.
ESPN News is great.
Because I get all these breaking stories from people like Peter Gammons.
And with ESPN Net Sportsone, I can find out more about a story I just heard on ESPN News.
Or go into Peter Gammons' chat room.
Share my thoughts.
With Peter.
Find out why he won't return my calls.
Or just be with him.
You know what I don't like?
His wife.
She's not very friendly.
Give me a beer.
Well, let's see, we've got sycamore smith ale, pale ale, pale ale dark, pale ale light, Watner's lager, Watner's wheat, honey wheat, light wheat, wheaty wheat, Homburg light, dark, dark amber light.
Just give me a course.
Since 1873.
Original course.
Pure and simple.
Why'd you come back?
What do you think of when you hear the name Penske?
Um.
Anything else?
Uh.
Right, but you missed something.
Penske Auto Center.
The tire place.
Brake place.
Battery place.
And oil change place.
All in one place.
Complete professional auto service from the name you can trust.
Penske Auto Center.
You've come to the right place.
Now at over 800 Kmart locations nationwide.
You've seen lawyers.
I think that you should take the deal.
I don't trust you.
I know.
You've seen judges.
Get out of here.
I'm saying what I came to say.
I'll have you arrested.
As soon as I get out, I'll be right back.
And you've seen trials.
You withheld the truth from this jury.
The truth that you tried to kill somebody else.
But you've never seen anything.
That was the most despicable thing I've ever seen anyone do.
Like this.
The practice, Tuesdays on ABC.
When people are ready to buy,
they turn to the Sprint First Source phone book.
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Your neighborhood resort is Arizona Charlie.
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Great new machines only at Arizona Charlie.
Stop by and check them out.
ESPN News is great because I get all these breaking stories
from people like Peter Gammons.
And with ESPN Net Sportsone,
I can find out more about a story I just heard on ESPN News.
Or go into Peter Gammons' chat room.
Share my thoughts.
With Peter.
Find out why he won't return my calls.
Or just be with him.
You know what I don't like?
His wife.
She's not very friendly.
195, 210, 220.
The kind of speed you have to feel to appreciate.
It's grinding metal, a crazy pulse, and a cold sweat.
Laugh after laugh, it keeps on building
until it's all you can stand.
Sometimes more.
Las Vegas Motor Speedway.
A high you can't get anywhere else.
Hi, this is Cheryl Wilden from Wilden's Pride Dodge.
When you're ready for your next new, reused car,
I'd like you to consider three things.
Price, value, and service.
That's why we sell to more repeat customers
than our competition.
Then we service what we sell
with a reputation of over 40 years in the car business.
So if you're looking for a new, reused car or truck,
show Wilden's Pride Dodge with confidence.
Hasn't it been too long since you felt like a valued customer?
Come see us soon.
Wilden's Pride Dodge family-owned and operated
Sahara Indicator.
Fans are very well-educated out there.
All right, so Andrew Jackson will join us
as we continue from baseball tonight,
get some final thoughts from him,
and Harold Reynolds will also step in.
25 years ago, Magic Kingdom was born.
Magic Kingdom was born.
Now the way to save money is less people doing more work.
Time to walk out to Office Max.
It's easy to cut expenses there.
Office Max has over 7,000 office products.
Computers, electronics, software, furniture.
At guaranteed low prices.
Talk about bottom line.
There's great stuff like Casio calculators,
Endura Cell batteries.
You'll save so much, there'll be company cars,
bonuses, and big perks for everyone.
Hey, I was just kidding.
Office Max, we go to the max for you.
You know, be a really good anchor
would be that MacGyver guy, you know.
He'd be a good anchor.
That guy that was on T.J. Hooker,
the dance fever guy.
He was pretty good.
This is for my grandfather,
who always said I'd make the family proud.
For my mom,
who never let me out the door without my homework.
For my dad,
who worked the night shift to make our lives better.
For myself,
for my future.
Now the way to save money is less people doing more work.
Time to walk out to Office Max.
It's easy to cut expenses there.
Office Max has over 7,000 office products,
computers, electronics, software, furniture,
at guaranteed low prices.
Talk about bottom line.
There's great stuff,
like Office Max fax paper and Sharpie markers.
You'll save so much, there'll be company cars,
bonuses, and big perks for everyone.
Hey, I was just kidding.
Office Max, we go to the max for you.
There she is, Miss America.
There she is, Miss America.
Your ideals,
she'll take you down by storm
with her all-American form.
There she is, walking on air.
There she is, fairies of the fair.
The NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament
first round coverage begins Saturday at midnight
only on ESPN.
Give me a beer.
Well, let's see.
We've got sycamore smith ale, pale ale, pale ale dark, pale ale light,
Watner's lager, Watner's wheat, honey wheat, light wheat, wheat, wheat,
Homburg light, dark, dark, amber light.
Just give me a course.
Since 1873, original course, pure and simple.
Why'd you come back?
Because I'm hungry.
I'm hungry.
It is a test,
not just of strength,
but of the power of the mind.
And if you complete the journey,
you'll be changed forever.
The feeling, the crowd, the moments.
Come on, you're here, speak up, baby,
cause we're going out tonight.
Come on, you're here, speak up, baby,
cause we're going out tonight.
You better wear some boxing gloves
or some bullets out of sight.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Jack.
Hey, get your own beer.
Since 1873, original course, in the Yellow Can.
So here Ray got a new pickup.
What?
This year, thousands of people will visit places like London,
Paris, Rome, and Hawaii.
And who will take them there?
Sea-Doo, the best-selling boat in the world.
Right now, with the purchase of the Sea-Doo watercraft,
you'll get free domestic or international travel on Delta Airlines,
plus no payments on your new Sea-Doo watercraft until September 97.
It's ride-free, fly-free, for a limited time.
And you're a Sea-Doo dealer.
Well, Lisa Gold bought you the clubs and the clothes
and three rounds at Breath-Taking Pebble Beach.
The one thing it couldn't buy you was a single decent shot.
I quit!
Finish without me.
I can't.
Those were my clubs.
Fortunately, it had enough purchasing power for your next set of clothes.
Lisa Gold, it's everywhere you want to be.
This is for Coach Branigan, who kept me in that game.
And for all the kids who voted for me.
For my family.
You said there isn't anything I can't do.
And for myself.
Who believes it?
What do you think of when you hear the name Penske?
Anything else?
Right, but you missed something.
Penske Auto Center.
The tire place.
Brake place.
Battery place.
And oil change place.
All in one place.
Complete professional auto service from the name you can trust.
Penske Auto Center.
You've come to the right place.
Now at over 800 Kmart locations nationwide.
We need to talk.
Talk?
The schedule is getting to me.
I don't hear a word from the other guys.
Well, the other guys aren't running up and down the court with Pippen, Ewing, and Olajuwon.
They're not banging on the boards with Oakley and Webber and Malone.
They're not out there busting their hump every minute of every day.
Feldman, you're a shipping clerk.
Steel!
NBA shootout 97.
Don't let it mess with your head.
Claude, people blame you for the violence in hockey.
I'm just tired of you guys.
You know, I'm just here doing my job.
And the next thing you know, you're going to blame me for some natural disaster.
It is a test, not just of strength, but of the power of the mind.
And if you complete the journey, you will be changed forever.
The few, the proud, the millions.
The $5 bill, so many nicknames, the fiver, the five spot, five bucks.
And now, Red Roof In's own version.
The Red Roof Fin, play on words.
That's $5 in cash that you'll get every night you stay at Red Roof In's
when you check in with this coupon.
To check out improvements going on now nationwide,
get your $5 cash back coupon in Tuesdays and Thursdays USA Today.
I thank you, and he thanks you.
What do you think of when you hear the name Penske?
Anything else?
Right, but you missed something.
Penske Auto Center, the tire place, brake place, battery place,
and oil change place, all in one place.
Complete professional auto service from the name you can trust, Penske Auto Center.
You've come to the right place.
Now at over 800 Kmart locations nationwide.
Just so to know.
Self Financial 400 Sunday at 1230 on ESPN.
Sports Center is brought to you by Wal-Mart.
Always low prices, always Wal-Mart.
And by Lee Gees.
Out of the shadows come three incredible motorcycles.
Each one takes the look of a custom to a beautiful new place.
The new Honda Shadow Spirit 1100,
the new Shadow Ace Tourer, and the Shadow American Classic Edition.
It's always cooler in the shadows.
Man, what a shame.
Yeah, still three months left on this guarantee.
The Wilson Pro Staff Extreme, guaranteed durability for 10 months.
What?
Fletcher Reed has to tell the truth.
I can't lie.
Even if it kills him.
Everybody's been real nice.
Well, that's because you have big...
Jim Carrey, Liar Liar.
Rated PG-13.
Starts Friday at theaters everywhere.
I want you all here to speak up, baby, cause we're going out tonight.
Go, go, go, go, go.
This is the sound of small businesses doing more business with Fridays Free.
They're doing more, cause thanks to Sprint, all their long distance on Fridays is free.
While the rest of the week they're still getting Sprint's low flat rates.
Even better, call now and get Fridays Free until the year 2000 with no term commitment.
Call 1-800-598-5000 for Fridays Free, only from Sprint Business.
What if your car slips off the road in Slippery Rock?
Or you need the name of a mechanic in Mechanicsville?
Well, if your car is insured by State Farm, just look up the local State Farm agent.
Almost anywhere you travel, whether it's a big metropolis or just a little one.
A good neighbor is always nearby to help.
So if your car gets stolen in Thief River Falls, or you have some trouble in Paradise,
hey, don't worry about it, State Farm is there.
Tonight, the road to Manhattan gets a little rougher when 16 becomes 8.
The NIT, second round coverage tonight at 7.30 on ESPN.
The ATP Tour brings the top men's players in the world together in Key Biscayne, Florida.
The 1997 Lipton Championship.
Coverage begins Sunday at 1 on ESPN, too.
Play the progressive at Caribbean Stud Poker and all your dreams could come true.
In Laughlin and Vegas, Caribbean Stud's the greatest.
Millions and millions of dollars paid. Did you get your share?
Well then, play the progressive at Caribbean Stud.
Located in casinos across Nevada, let it take you to the islands, Caribbean Stud.
Dodge Ram is number one in resale versus Ford, Chevy, and GMC.
Number one in horsepower, number one in torque, even number one in payload and overall power.
In fact, Dodge Ram is number one in more categories than any full-size pickup.
So by changing all the rules about what a truck should be, Dodge pickups are now number one in sales growth all across America.
See your local Dodge dealer.
Always dreamed of making the majors. Now you have a second chance with ESPN's Ultimate Baseball 7th Inning Sweepstakes, sponsored by Hager and Holiday Inn.
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Get ESPN's Ultimate Baseball 7th Inning Sweepstakes and get into the game.
So then Doris is driving it and she says, but Elliot, I carved you the road.
And I said, but what do you expect? It's a luxury car. Anyway, then drive us down the road.
Bored with traditional luxury, it could be time for the supercharged Bonneville, one of the world's most powerful sports sedans.
Do you drive a luxury car, Frank?
You bet your ass, God, I do. Luxury with attitude. The Bonneville by Pontiac.
Brewing beer has been a topic of conversation around my family's house since I can remember.
So believe me, I know you might think about drinking before you're 21.
But do us and yourself a favor. Please don't. We'll wait for your business.
ESPN and NHRA are your ticket to all the action, live on pay-per-view.
The slick 50 nationals from Houston Sunday, March 23rd.
Call your cable company or satellite provider and order now for just $14.95.
Go trackside to meet the drivers, catch all the highlights and instant replays, and get the complete stats on every run.
It's just like being there. The slick 50 nationals, Sunday, March 23rd, 1130 to 7. Call now to catch all the action.
Can MasterCard help stop a thief?
Any credit card can make you feel secure when you have it.
But how many can protect you as well as MasterCard when they're lost or stolen?
The answer lies in the tamper-resistant panel that MasterCard pioneered.
It makes a stolen credit card practically useless, and your MasterCard even more secure.
Here she comes, right on schedule.
Please insert tape 2.
Honey, could you turn that down, please?
The 190-horsepower escape vehicle, Isuzu Rodeo.
If it was baseball, his rookie card would be worth a small fortune.
If it was football, every kid would be wearing his jersey.
But Jeremy McGrath had other plans, to take a motorcycle and to show the world how far your dreams can take you.
I really don't believe this.
Our first vacation in years, and I forget the most important thing of all.
Kelly Springfield tires are designed for toughness.
Man, oh man, oh man.
I can't just pick myself up.
And they're designed for durability.
But most importantly, Kelly Springfield tires are designed to go a long way.
Honey, it's all right. How far could the next gas station be?
Kelly Springfield. Get every mile you can out of life.
Is the brake on?
Send email, get sports scores, find dinosaurs.
Is something missing? Exactly.
The computer. Web TV from Phillips Magnavox.
The Internet now on your television at an affordable price.
These are the new TI-100. Pure titanium irons from Armagh.
They're my secret weapon. They're bigger, see?
So I hit the ball longer and straighter.
And I'm the only pro. I'm the only pro.
I'm the only pro. I'm the only pro.
I'm the only pro. I'm the only pro that's playing them.
Just me.
Armagh TI-100s, the number one titanium iron on tour.
Buy a set of TI-100 graphite shafted irons and get $100 cash back by mail in rebate.
But hurry, because soon you won't be the only one playing them.
Just located another test site.
Talk to me. Road testing, Stuttgart, more than six.
Lateral G-point 9-3. Speed, mouse power 150. Push in 500%.
Speed 160 and climbing.
Enhance that.
Speed 170, still climbing.
Anybody have any idea what this is?
I do.
Well?
It's the next vet.
Get me one.
Hey, do you know the difference between UPS and RPS?
One letter and a whole new way of doing business.
We give you 24-hour in-route tracing.
And delivery to every business in North America.
And shipping services that really do save time and money.
So whether you ship packages or receive them, 10 a day or 10,000, tell Jeff.
One letter does make a world of difference.
RPS, delivering more than your package.
What's more amazing than the places you can go on the Internet?
The fact that you don't need a computer to get there.
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The Internet now on your television at an affordable price.
Video poker players, we've done it again.
And payback time at the Santa Fe is better than ever.
We've got 84 quarter juices, wild machines paying back 100% or more.
Fiesta has 68, Texas has none. All told, we've got 375 quarter video poker machines
paying back 100% or more.
Fiesta has just over half, Texas has less than half.
And we've got more machines, more choices, more ways to win.
They've gotta be kidding.
For February results, call 366-7797.
Cash in on the double with double paid jackpots.
Only at Banyan's Horseshoe.
It's your best place to win.
I understand the concept.
Sports news, updates, highlights, whenever you want them.
But why? What is this need to spoon feed everyone everything instantly?
Instant coffee, instant lotto, instant drive-through feed me now burger chains,
instant cameras, instant credit, instant pudding.
Actually, I like instant pudding.
Especially tapioca.
Can I help you?
Yeah, of course, light please.
In the Colorado rocky mountain high, I've seen it rain and fire in the sky.
I know from starlight something in the middle of the night.
Rocky mountain high Colorado, rocky mountain high Colorado, rocky mountain high Colorado.
So then Doris is driving it and she says, but Elliot, I can't feel the road.
And I said, but what do you expect? It's a luxury car.
Anyway, let's drive it down the road.
Bored with traditional luxury?
It could be time for the supercharged Bonneville, one of the world's most powerful sports sedans.
Do you drive a luxury car, Frank?
You bet your ass God I do.
Luxury with attitude, the Bonneville by Pontiac.
Undefeated three-time world champion Roy Jones Jr. has decimated two entire weight divisions.
Now he faces his biggest and strongest opponent ever.
Undefeated number one ranked Montel Griffin.
Live March 21st on HBO, the light heavyweight championship of the world.
They don't know the first thing about losing.
One of them's going to learn.
Welcome home to America's Night of Television on CBS Tonight.
Don't miss Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, Early Edition and Walker, Texas Ranger all tonight here on CBS.
The RCA home theater with SRS sound is 50% brighter with a sharper, clearer picture.
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Hey, buddy.
I'll trade you my scarf for that last bud light.
Come on.
What the heck?
That's fair.
What more could you possibly want, huh?
Oh.
You got a raw deal.
A great taste that won't fill you up and never let you down.
I never said it was the last one.
Make it a bud light.
They were really growing up fast, too fast.
All Kelly talked about was going to high school and all I could think about was paying for college.
I'm sure I played around with a few mutual funds, but I was no expert.
So I started talking to someone who could help, a broker at Dean Witter.
We must plan for our clients' future as if it were our own.
Funny.
Kids think their parents always have the right answers.
I'm just making sure I do.
We measure success, one investor at a time.
The Discount Depot does it again with Honda innovation and great deals.
Drive the all-new All Honda CR-V, a totally new kind of car, van, 4x4, you've got a seat of a leave.
With everything from real-time four-wheel drive to reclining rear seats, loads of storage and more,
the new CR-V at Las Vegas Honda.
Looking for a great deal?
Drive a new Honda Passport with CD changer, automatic and more, for just $379 per month.
The Discount Depot comes through with deals that get you on the road, only at Las Vegas Honda.
Just a natural fact of life.
As we get older, some of our parts don't work as well.
Fortunately, with older cars, you can get those parts replaced and monitored.
Where we take good care of every car, young or old, mufflers, brakes, CD joints, shocks and struts,
high-quality parts and service at a reasonable price.
Monica keeps cars of all ages running like new.
Too bad they can't do anything about this 1949 classic.
At Monica, you're not going to pay a lot, but you'll get a lot.
I guarantee it.
I understand the concept of sports news, updates, highlights, whenever you want them.
But why? What is this need to spoon feed everyone everything instantly?
Instant coffee, instant Lotto, instant drive-through feed-me-now burger chains,
instant cameras, instant credit, instant pudding.
Actually, I like instant pudding.
Especially tapioca.
This is for my grandfather, who always said I'd make the family proud.
For my mom, who never left me out the door without my homework.
For my dad, who worked the night shift to make our lives better.
For myself, for my future.
Sounds pretty good. Can I see the guitar?
You play?
I bet no one true.
That's cool.
What's your name?
Tell him your guitar.
Since 1873. Original coolers, pure and simple.
There she is, Miss America.
There she is, Miss America, your ideal.
She'll take us down by storm, with her all-American form.
There she is, walking on air.
There she is, very soft and fair.
It's the regional semis. Illinois, Connecticut, tomorrow at 8.
Virginia, Stanford, tomorrow at 10. Only on ESPN.
I remember when I was little watching the first satellites go over.
I wanted to be a part of it.
But what's about to happen in space seems even more amazing.
To put a space station into orbit, astronauts from 13 different countries
living there for up to 10 years, that's a pretty great achievement.
I'm John Donner, and I work at Mobile.
I developed a grease that will lubricate the International Space Station's air system.
We might take breathing for granted down here on Earth, but it's very important for them.
I feel very proud for Mobile that we are a part of that.
Wendy's delicious five-piece chicken nuggets are impossible to resist.
I only got four nuggets. I only got three.
Mom, where's the rest of our nuggets?
Mom!
Now Wendy's five-piece chicken nuggets are just 99 cents every day.
Had a real tough early season there.
So I've got a couple of ideas here that are going to be a little unique.
Each one of you guys has got a battery inside.
Coach, are these girl shoes? You can know whatever works.
And you think, man, I can't go on, but he keeps going, doesn't he?
I heard about this car that's supposed to be safe for you and your kids,
but it's so expensive you probably couldn't afford to have kids and that car at the same time.
How about a Chevrolet Cavalier?
It comes with a safety cage, dual airbags, even standard anti-lock brakes.
So for around $12,000, you really can get everything you want in a safe car, including kids.
Who decided that only people who can afford expensive cars should be safe?
Get the car that's easy to own, a Cavalier.
The car that's safe for you and Chevrolet. The car's more Americans trust.
See your local Oldsmobile retailer today.
Congratulations, Mr. Miller.
UPS online tracking software to see your customers' actual signature.
UPS online. Are you connected yet?
Honey, where are my blue socks?
The Monopoly game at McDonald's.
You could win a million dollars just by large or super-sized fries, and you could win this prize.
It's our best Monopoly game ever.
They're in the draw with the money.
What do you want with your fries?
Wait, we have a million-dollar winner in Fredericksburg, Virginia. You could be next.
From the producers of Gulliver's Travels, a world beyond imagination.
We have to escape.
Hallmark Entertainment presents 20,000 Leaves Under the Sea on CBS Sunday.
Pontiac Grand Am make excitement a standard feature, right down to the exhaust system.
They've designed it of stainless steel, not common metal.
So instead of being rust-prone, it stays rust-proof.
Everything on a Grand Am is built to be driven quite hard, which may explain why it's driven quite often.
Grand Am. Built for kicks, built for keeps.
Pizza Hut employee memo number 44.
For Hoops fans, March brings one number to mind.
Four!
As in?
It's in the final four.
Right. So we're going to give them a deal that's easy to remember.
Back to work, everybody!
Give them a large pizza, a Pepsi, buffalo wings, and breadsticks.
That's four things.
Four things.
For four people.
For four dollars each.
Yep, that's four things.
For four dollars each.
For four people.
You guys are quicker than a point guard.
Of course, once fans hear about this deal, you're not going to have time to work on that hook shot.
Ooh!
I've been an engineer for Porsche for 26 years.
We're looking for perfection, such an elusive goal.
Yet, we see it all around us.
It's the basis for being successful.
The search for perfection needs support from partners.
And one of these partners is Mobil.
All Porsche engines are developed with Mobil 1.
And we tell owners to keep on using it.
I think we have found with Mobil an excellent partner.
Michael, before the break, you were talking about your nightmare.
The other night I had this nightmare that I was running in my Airzoom Spiridons and everyone was looking at me.
Or trying to.
I even heard this little girl say, mommy, why is that man all blurry?
I felt like screaming.
Why can't people see the real me?
The guy who walks to the mailbox.
The guy who chews his food slowly so it digests well.
Can I stop now?
Of course you can.
You're going to make it, kiddo.
Don't you doubt it for one minute.
In their world, power isn't everything.
It's the only thing.
Mario Puzo's The Last Dawn, CBS Sunday, May 11th.
It's the only one out there.
And here it comes.
The only compact pickup to offer a third door.
OK, folks, show's over.
Chevy S10, like a rock.
Bob, Joe Gaddy, I want you to know where we are on this deal.
Oh, Leo, Joe Gaddy.
Across America, more people use Cellular One than any other cellular service.
OK, Dad, you can use the phone now.
Oh, OK. Thanks, honey.
Good morning, stars shine.
The Earth says hello.
You twinkle above us.
You twinkle below.
Lousy shoes.
E-Trade gives you what you need to turn a hunch into an investment.
Excess athletic shoes sell.
$14.95 a trade.
E-Trade. Get online.
Go where you wanna go.
Find the road you've never taken.
Introducing the all-new Goodyear Wrangler ATS,
with dual-traction lug channels that evacuate water for serious traction in the wet,
especially in braking.
The all-new Goodyear Wrangler ATS.
Serious freedom.
Goodyear, Goodyear.
Goodyear.
Yep, it's still a Volvo.
The all-new S-70 from Volvo.
They're the two baddest private detectives in Miami.
This could be fun.
They have a subtle way of getting bad guys to talk.
You can't do this, man.
The biological clock is ticking, my friend.
And when the heat is on, they're behind each other all the way.
It's not gonna make you less of a man to admit that that hurts.
Brian Bosworth.
It hurts.
Glenn Plummer.
What?
Lawless.
Series premiere this week on Fox.
Chili's famous fajitas.
Our legendary marinade.
Grilled fiery and tender.
Something special happens with every order.
They're guaranteed to capture your attention and your appetite.
A tradition unlike any other.
The Masteries on CBS.
Cozy, huh?
Whoa, bedroom?
No way.
Security.
Post the transportation.
Classic fixtures.
Ooh, what do we have here?
Bud Light.
Go ahead.
It's got your name on it.
I'll get my own.
I'll take it.
For the great taste that won't fill you up and never let you down,
make it a Bud Light.
That was close.
I was down on my last one.
The Fizz Cellular Phone from Phillips Magnavox.
More than 7 million Americans trust their retirement savings to fidelity investments.
One reason is our passion for helping people realize their retirement goals.
In fact, our retirement specialists will happily guide you through all your investment options day or night
to help you plan for a secure, comfortable retirement.
And that should be a great comfort to you right now.
Visit our branches or our website.
Or call 1-800-FIDELITY for a free retirement planning guide.
Rumor has it there's a Porsche owner out there who also owns a Saturn.
And sometimes he races it.
Hard to believe?
Well, it's even harder to find.
Because Porsche owners have been very forthcoming.
I don't know what you're talking about.
That's the biggest crock.
Still, it is something we wanted to see.
Especially when we heard that sometimes he wins.
Well, it is just a rumor.
Hey, when are you going to buy a new truck and sell me this one?
You know you deserve a new truck, man.
Oh, come on, man.
You know, I've been asking you for years.
How much do you want for it?
You know, Paul Park, what do you think?
I mean, are you going to keep it forever?
Come on.
Great.
Chevy, the most dependable, longest-lasting trucks on the road.
I think I might know someone who can take it off your hands for you.
Really?
You can do it.
Nicorette can help.
This little celebration is brought to you by the people who help
so many other people understand and enjoy cellular phones.
Radio Shack, America's number one retailer of cellular phones.
Surprised?
We're not.
We're just happy.
Radio Shack, you've got questions, we've got answers.
Call us now and get one year of free roadside emergency service.
Burglary.
There's nothing like the feeling of knowing that someone you don't know
just went through your things.
Allstate will help you clean up, close up, and secure your home after a burglary.
Being in good hands is the only place to be.
This week on The Late Show, Jim Carrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Raquel Welch,
Coach Jimmy Johnson, Mike Myers, country star Alison Krause, and Terry Gahr.
All this week.
Bud.
Bud.
Wise.
Okay, everybody, let's all thank Al for bringing us snacks.
Thanks, Al.
Gail, I believe it was your week to write something, wasn't it?
A Far Away Land by Gail Devers.
Once upon a time there was a faraway land
where people fast and slow could join hands and sing in harmony,
where you were judged by the size of your heart, not the size of your lead,
where people looked past the zoom there in your shoes and saw the real you.
Words can be powerful, can't they?
Michael, hold my hand.
Whoever said the heart has no place in business never had a child to pass it on to.
I've got to set things up right to make sure he's the one who gets all this.
What's a legacy?
Just another word for love.
Make sure the future is secure for your business and your family.
Ask a Merrill Lynch financial consultant who can help with a plan
and more ways to make the plan work than anyone else.
The difference is planning.
The difference is Merrill Lynch.
Whoo! Yeah!
Freedom!
That's what it's all about.
It's like, let's go.
Let's go.
I'm going up the country
Where don't you want to go?
I'm going up the country
Introducing Chevy Venture.
Where don't you want to go?
Sure, things have changed.
Are we there yet?
But you still need a little freedom.
The all-new Chevy Venture is here.
Let's go!
CBS Monday, a bad call forces a radical procedure.
The technique can be risky.
You want to put off the operation?
America is turning to hope.
Chicago Hope.
You've got this huge customer.
They're so huge, sometimes they don't even know when they've received a shipment.
Whose problem is this?
Yours.
That's why you ship UPS.
Because only UPS captures signatures electronically.
Then you can use UPS online tracking software to see your customer's actual signature.
So when they say, we never got it, you can say, not only did you get it, but you don't dot your eyes.
UPS online, are you connected yet?
I'm dead.
Murder at 1600.
Rated R.
Starts Friday, April 18th.
God bless America.
100% cotton, cut for comfort.
Fruit of the Loom.
Really, really comfortable underwear.
Honey, come here, come here.
I got it all figured out.
If we leave at dawn, we go through Bluff Woods, over this mountain here, and then, boom, we will be at the Hoffman's at dinner time.
But they live next door.
What do you mean, you don't even want to drive?
The Monopoly Game at McDonald's.
You can win a Ford Explorer, Eddie Bauer Edition.
Just buy larger, super-sized fries and you can win this prize.
It's our best Monopoly game ever.
I'm walking.
Great, I'm driving.
So, what do you want with your prize?
$0.55 will be here in less than 38 days.
To uncover a 10-year-old murderer, Chuck Norris must get help from beyond the grave.
What, is he a ghostwriter?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Walker, CBS Tonight.
Enterprise, hi, I'm at the repair shop.
I need to rent a car.
Enterprise will arrange to pick you up.
This is great.
Drive you to our place and get you on your way.
Pick Enterprise.
We'll pick you up.
Had a real tough early season there.
So I've got a couple of ideas here that are going to be a little unique.
Each one of you guys has got a battery inside.
Coach, are these girl shoes?
You can know whatever works.
And you think, man, I can't go on.
But he keeps going, doesn't he?
She loves to take care of the yard.
The neighbors have nicknames for me because my yard looks kind of picky.
I use turf builder plus two to get rid of my dandelions.
I put it in my spreader, walk around the yard a little bit.
A couple days later, the weeds are looking sick and the lawn's looking green.
They say the best weed control you can have is to have a healthy lawn
because the healthy lawn will choke out the weeds.
It's great to lay on because it feels good.
With Scott's turf builder plus two, it's so easy.
Even he could do it.
I got the point of that.
No, but...
Welcome to the MMX Technology Department at Intel.
Where highly trained professionals are engaged in the extremely precise process
of adding fun to the Pentium processor.
Intel MMX Technology.
It will make your multimedia dance.
It will make your multimedia dance.
I blame my father's death on the thin rope.
My grandfather's, too.
In a tightrope walking, wider rope is more stable.
The crowds, though, they want thin.
But I tell you, wider is better.
Introducing the new WideTrac Grand Prix.
Its wheels are set wide for better balance and tighter grip.
I tell you from experience. Più largo e meglio.
The new WideTrac Grand Prix from Pontiac.
Wider is better.
To uncover a 10-year-old murderer, Chuck Norris must get help from beyond the grave.
Was he a ghost rider?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Walker, CBS Tonight.
Ever think of driving an Oldsmobile?
You will.
The all-new Cutlass.
Redesigned.
Re-engineered.
Totally rethought.
While you're rockin' on the road to the Final Four, jump on the Information Expressway.
CBS Sports is online with the breaking news and the latest scores at CBS.SportsLine.com.
CBS, welcome home.
The average person is exposed to hundreds of ads every day.
That was before these fifth, and now a word from Joe's computer world.
When people are ready to buy...
Hello, Larrys.
They turn to the Sprint first source phone book.
Is this going to be a day on the water?
Or a day on the land?
Playing South Shore, Jack Nicklaus's signature golf course.
Carved out of the stunning desert, enhancing the land.
Land that is now a community, peaceful and safe.
With plans to become an international resort.
A 320-acre lake.
Supernatural views.
The peace of knowing you earned your way here.
Apparently, you can have it all.
The Fizz Cellular Phone from Phillips Magnavox.
Budner, get these tax documents to our clients fast, but watch our costs.
FedEx can deliver it in two days for about $8.
UPS can deliver it in two days for about $7.
Priority Mail can deliver it in two to three days for $3.
Smart move, Budner.
So, eight, seven, three, what's your priority?
Switch to Priority Mail from the U.S. Postal Service.
Jack, what are you guys doing here?
See the dude.
Be the dude.
Whoa.
Nothing's more intense than slamming a dude.
Good morning, sunshine.
The Earth says hello.
You twinkle above us.
Twinkle below.
Orleans is one hot, crazy, wild and sexy town where Larry Hagman rules.
A spicy, dramatic series, Orleans, CBS Friday.
A couple programming notes tonight on CBS.
Don't miss Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, followed by Early Edition and Walker, Texas Ranger.
Let's go to Raftery, CBS.
It's smart time on the Mazda Protege LX Sport Sedan, $12,995.
Add cruise and power, everything, and the price goes to...
Add air conditioning, and the price jumps to...
Add four-speaker cassette, and the price soars to...
Add the best basic warranty in its class, and hey, you get the idea.
Now get the passion, and 2.9 for 36.
CBS, welcome home.
The Cadillac Seville STS is part luxury car, part sports car, and part muscle car.
It's part cruise missile and part modern art, part thunder and part lightning,
part Marilyn Monroe, part Grace Kelly, part Plaza Suite, part Carnegie Hall.
Yep, it has a lot of parts, and with the 32-valve, 300-horsepower North Star V8 engine,
they're all moving parts.
You've flirted with Cadillac before.
This time, the car flirts back.
See the Seville STS at your Las Vegas Cadillac dealers.
Steven Anderson is looking for a new job.
He's not concerned about the hours of the pay.
He doesn't even care about the work.
Steven's only criteria is a weekly paycheck,
because since the Gold Coast increased the paycheck video poker jackpot
to a quarter of a million dollars,
all he wants from a job is more paychecks to cash more often.
$250,000 paycheck video poker at the Gold Coast.
It makes it worth going to work.
Recently, the folks at 360 Communications announced that in addition to cellular,
they now offer paging and residential long distance.
Today is every dish.
To celebrate, they invited everybody to drop by their 360 store on May.
Nobody was more surprised by the turnout than the Armstrongs,
who happen to live at 360 Main.
360 Communications, introducing cellular, paging, long distance right down the street.
CBS Sports' exclusive coverage of the NCAA Basketball Championship is sponsored by
Genuine Chevrolet,
Budweiser,
MCI,
and by Mobile.
I do not drive to work.
I do not drive to get from point A to point B.
I do not drive to run away from the world.
I just love to drive.
The new 1997 Monte Carlo.
Personal space from Genuine Chevrolet,
the cars more Americans trust.
Well, I guess that answers that question.
I'm a soft-spoken kind of guy.
There's nothing more important to me than a quiet chat with my son Shaquille.
I just marched through the phone and dialed 1-800- COLLECT.
The money I saved him, he can use to buy some new backboards.
Take it through the hole, Shaquille.
He's gonna hold on there.
And they wonder where he gets it from.
1-800- COLLECT. Save the people you call up to 44%.
You're born, you go to school, and then one day, things begin to get interesting.
Now, instead of preparing, you're doing.
The stakes are a lot higher than they were in high school.
Because out here, the tests you're given are of your honor,
your courage, and your commitment.
This is your journey.
It's time you got underway.
Call 1-800-USA-NAVY.
Let the journey begin.
We're talking hang time.
The world's best ski jumpers are flying high at the World Nordic Ski Championships.
It's 120 meters of madness tomorrow on CBS.
At Pennzoil, we know brutal driving doesn't just take place on a racetrack.
It begins at the end of your driveway.
You stop, you go.
You stop, you go.
Now, this reminds you of your commute.
We recommend you use Pennzoil motor oil.
Pennzoil, formulated for today's stop-and-go driving.
Good morning, Bob.
Morning, Henry.
Stop, go.
Every game, my teammates depend on me, so I have to be in control.
There's no way I would let them or myself down by using drugs.
Stay in control.
Don't use drugs.
If you or someone you know needs help or information concerning drug abuse,
call this toll-free number, 1-800-662-HELL.
This message provided by the NCAA.
I think it's the purest game.
There's no helmets, there's no shoulder pads, there's no equipment.
There's faces and bodies, 10 players and an open court,
so everyone can see exactly what's going on,
and I think it's just a pure athletic contest.
Basketball at our level is a 12-month sport for me.
What that means is that I have to keep myself in shape now, 12 months a year,
and then in August and September I've got to take that program up another notch
because when I go out there in December I have to be ready to go up and down
with those young people because they're in shape
and they have the right to expect me to be in shape.
Through basketball, I've established friends in me, officiating, coaching,
administrating, conference office people who I hope will be friends of mine
for the rest of my life,
and I think that's one of the things, when it's all done,
that I'll remember most and have to remember and have with me for the rest of my life,
long after I'm retired.
This message provided by the NCAA.
Friday. CBS Friday Night Fights.
David James Elliott is a Navy lawyer fighting for justice in the U.S. military.
The truth is everything.
A new chance. Then, Larry Hagman returns to Friday Night on CBS
battling to uncover the truth.
Well, I look forward to a good court joust.
All new or leads.
And Don Johnson takes a stand for law and order.
Let's rock!
Nash Bridges. All-new CBS Friday Night Fights.
Justice is served.