Frontline is a presentation of the documentary consortium.
Tonight on Frontline, the intimate and powerful story of one family's struggle with life and death.
I really didn't know that such life existed as what Nancy's lived these last four and a half years.
For five years, Frontline followed the Cruzan family as they fought to disconnect the life support that kept their daughter, Nancy, alive.
If the decision's wrong, if we're playing God, then I'll have to live with that, and I'm willing to.
In two previous programs, we tracked the legal battle from local Missouri courts all the way to the United States Supreme Court and heard the arguments in its first right-to-die case.
Every patient in this country today could have a life that hangs in the balance on the basis of what the Supreme Court decides about it.
Oh, God, hear our voice near me by the power of the Spirit of God. Glory to God, work of miracles on her behalf.
But tonight, we tell a different story of the private struggle behind that public battle, the story of one family's love and commitment to their daughter.
We don't need the preachers, we don't need the spectators or the this, that, or the news media or anyone else that we can pull together and we can take care of her.
With funding provided by the financial support of viewers like you and by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.
This is Frontline.
It was 2.25 on a Tuesday morning, and the phone rang.
I picked up the phone and I just felt like it couldn't be. There had to be some mistake.
And Christy called us, and then Joyce and Christy and I went on to, to Freeman Hospital in Joplin.
There was a head injury, and that was really all I knew.
We were in the emergency room area, waiting area right there, and then when they brought Nancy in.
I knew it couldn't be her, because this person on this stretcher was, it was not Nancy, until I saw her socks.
And I thought, I kept waiting for him to bring Nancy in, and I thought, what's going on here?
But it was Nancy.
And we waited, she was in surgery quite a while, and when the nurse finally came out and said, she's going to be alright.
When the nurse came out and said that she was going to be alright, I turned, I believe, to Joyce and I said, I feel like I can breathe again.
Music
She was going east, and she went off on this side of the road about 300 feet down from that mailbox.
I imagine the car came to rest right about in, along in here, it was upside down, it was on this side of the lane,
and Nancy was lying face down on the other side about, just on the other side of the lane and about 20 feet down from the car that way.
They said it was approximately 35 feet from the car, probably lying there just about where the lane curves.
I went in and talked to the trooper that worked the accident, and then I also sent, got a copy of the accident report from the state.
Vital signs on arriving, blood pressure zero over zero, pulse zero, respiration zero.
On the report, it said code blue, clinical save, but I asked them what a clinical save was,
and they said they have maybe two or three times a year, and it's when someone has gone into a cardiopulmonary arrest,
I think is the term they use, and that they're able to bring them back, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
Through the first month or so, they did a lot of tests, CAT scans and EEGs, trying to determine the amount of injury and how prominent it might be.
It looked like she'd gone without breathing for quite some time, and as time progressed, the prognosis looked worse and worse.
I really didn't know that such life existed as what Nancy's lived these last four and a half years.
She would have been 30, or will be 30, on Monday.
Hi, happy birthday, big 3-0.
Oh, we have presents.
Is this what Gran made for you?
I remember as a baby and as a toddler, almost everything the kid did was funny.
She was kind of impish, and everybody teased her a lot because she egged it on.
She had a lot of friends. She got along well with her peers.
She never saw a stranger, but she was a lot more outgoing than I ever was or than the other kids ever were.
Sometimes I think she worked to embarrass me.
That was her main goal in life when we were younger, was to give me a hard time.
She was a twirler. In her junior year in high school, she was co-captain.
We'd go to parades everywhere, and I'd take pictures of her.
I'm kind of emotional, particularly with marching band music, and my eyes would fill up.
I couldn't hardly see through the camera.
She had fun. I think she enjoyed life as much as anybody I ever have been around.
Then in the later years, especially after I had the girls, she was a second mother to them.
She spent a lot of time with them. They dearly loved her to come over and to spend time with her.
She's just the greatest aunt anybody could ever have in the whole world, and she's funny.
She lets you do anything but to where you won't get hurt.
She was honorary, and she was funny to be around, and she was a good aunt.
I think it was just a couple of years ago that we really realized that Nancy wasn't going to get any better,
and that she wasn't, I mean, that this had happened, and all this stuff wasn't going to get any better.
It is an experience that nobody wants to know.
It's like you don't want your mother to die.
You think, oh, that will never happen, and it won't happen until it does.
That's just nature, I guess. I guess she was so good, God wanted her early.
Oh, we found birthday cards. Here's a special one.
It's got a little chipmunk and a little bird and pretty flowers to a very special aunt.
To lovingly tell you, it's certainly true, aunts just don't come any nicer than you.
Happy birthday with love, Angie Miranda, and lots of X's and O's.
I've never since the accident thought that she was aware that I was there.
I talked to her as though she would know, and God knows I've looked,
because I wish I could say, yeah, I've seen it, but I've never seen any kind of thought process in her.
I wanted to see something that I knew, that I knew was a response.
Not something that, you know, you might see something once, but it couldn't be repeated.
Well, I thought when Nancy gets up and says, hi, Dad, then I'll know she's better.
And we would sit sometimes and hold hands and touch her and will strengths to her body from ours.
I mean, it just had to work, because, you know, it just couldn't be this way.
And frankly, I mean, we begged her, pleaded, you know, tried to bribe her, this kind of thing.
You know, we'll do anything, anything. Just, you know, just respond.
Just, you've got to. We need you. You can't do this.
Trade places.
Right. I begged her. I told her I would give her my car.
I would do anything if she would just come back.
One of the last things she said to people that saw her, that she had to take care of me.
And I felt that if she could come back at all, she would come back to me to help me, to be there for me.
But it's never been. No matter how much I needed her, she just couldn't do it.
This particular floor is very unique because this floor has a lot of life support patients on it.
We usually get them after they've been ill for a very long time and there's no other placement for them.
We've had patients here up to ten years.
We have to deal with the after effects of what heroics are done on the roadside and in other hospitals we get the after effects.
In her case, I think she was without an oxygen or adequate oxygen for about 20 minutes.
And that really led to her severe brain injury.
And this is a state that we call a vegetative state, you know.
When you are in a vegetative state, you don't understand what people say to you.
You open your eyes, look around, but you don't really react to stimuli, you know.
And this is where she is in that state where she doesn't really understand or hear.
She can hear, but doesn't understand. She can see, but they have no meaning to her, you know.
Once you are in a state, a vegetative state, there's really no way of recovery.
Now as far as the lifespan of the patient, they usually, unfortunately, they can't live so long as you can prevent their infections.
If you treat all their infections, you give them good nutrition, good support, you know, life support.
Yes, they can live for years and years.
What are you having today? Steak?
Asmolite.
In a state like that, unfortunately, the patient has to be tube fed.
So we put a tube in their stomach or in their upper intestine to feed them daily.
They remain in that state, you know, permanently and with no further improvement.
I signed the consent form to begin the artificial feeding of Nancy to have the tube implanted.
Looking back on it, I would like to have let her go that night because Nancy died, our Nancy died that night.
We've got her body left, but she has no dignity whatsoever there and she was a very, very proud independent person.
And you would see what was left there and you wondered why, what's the purpose in this?
It's like when Nancy would get real sick. She was sick, pretty sick a couple of times, had pneumonia, high temperature.
And I don't know that I prayed that she would die, but I hope she would. And that's backwards, you know.
When they're sick, you want them to get well. And yet I don't want her to be sick, but I, you know, I wish she'd die.
Now then, does anyone else have anything that we may have missed that you'd like to talk about?
When our daughter was in the nursing home, she, seizures was her problem and her heart stopped beating.
And they said she had started changing colors before they got it going again.
Our daughter, after a three-hour seizure in Cox Hospital in Springfield, so they put her on the machine.
Unfortunately, she did come out of it to a certain extent, but in the last few years she's gotten worse.
I wonder sometimes if that doesn't make the smaller stresses of everyday living even harder for you to bear
when you have this tremendous thing that you're trying to cope with that always hovers over and above everything else.
Do you think I'd be out of place if I touched a little bit on her?
Not at all. That's what this period is for.
Probably most of you know that or have heard that we have, well, I didn't think this would happen this way.
Joyce and I have begun a procedure to have the life support for Nancy withdrawn.
We've asked the hospital to do it and they are not able to without some kind of a court order, which we understand.
So what we're going to have to do is go through a legal procedure to get permission to withdraw the life support,
which in Nancy's case is hydration and nutrition rather than a respirator.
As far as being able to give you a reason why we're doing this, the only thing I could say is if you knew Nancy the way we did,
don't show us in this way, that you would understand why we feel like we are doing what she would have us to do.
It's going to be a very expensive procedure.
It's going to be a very expensive procedure and frankly we couldn't afford to do it.
We have our attorney in Joplin that we've dealt with.
Well, they suggested that we go try the American Civil Liberties Union in Kansas City.
So I contacted them and they in turn confirmed it's shook hearty and bacon.
What I thought we'd do this morning other than just get acquainted was just to get a little bit of a factual background.
We've talked on the phone.
The big case that everybody knows something about was the Karen Quinlan case.
But here with the Cruzans, this is the first case in Missouri and it's not something,
and it shouldn't be something that our courts or our legislature resolves lightly or without a full hearing on what both sides of the question are.
Are you in contact now with her doctors?
Have you talked with any of them about what would happen if the G-tube is removed?
We talked with our physician, our personal physician about that.
What did he tell you?
The main thing we asked him was about her death, if it would be traumatic.
And he said in my opinion for her, no.
For you and your wife, yes.
And by that I'm not really sure what he meant.
Except maybe having to watch her die and the process that we'd have to go to to bring it about.
We have to establish somehow that this is in the best interest of Nancy.
You do that by looking at statements she made in her life.
If she made clear statements that she wouldn't want these kinds of things, then that's strong evidence to the court.
You do that by looking to the substituted judgment of loved ones and people close to her.
Say to them, you knew Nancy, you know what she was like.
She's not able to tell us now what she would have wanted.
What do you think she would have wanted?
I don't remember the first time it was brought up or brought up with Christy.
But I remember Christy saying, I know exactly.
If we could call Nancy up and ask her, I know what she'd say.
She would say, look, I realize it's hard on everyone else.
But let me go.
I've got other things to do.
I've got other places to go.
So turn me loose.
The Kruzans had sent the letter officially asking that this be done.
This was discussed with the Department of Health attorney, and the answer came back that the law says, no, we can't do it.
We know that we can unplug a machine that's been talked about in so many places.
TV shows have shown that.
That is nearly so hard for us to accept.
But the fact that we starve somebody to death, we don't do that.
That's beyond our ability to think, even at this point in Missouri.
Nancy, we brought a fellow by the name of Bill Colby up with us.
He's the one that's going to represent us in this thing that we've talked about.
Hi, Nancy.
I think she's real impressed.
Is this how she appears each time you come?
Yeah, this is it.
Does her facial expression ever change?
No, not unless there's pain or something like that.
Is it possible to see the two without them?
I've got water in my hands, but it's kind of fine.
I'd never seen a person in a persistent vegetative state before.
I knew from talking with Joe and Joyce that she wasn't in a completely still,
closed-eyed, comatose state and that she had certain reflexive brain stem functions.
That in the abstract, thinking of it medically is one thing, to walk in and see her with eyes open, her eyes blinking.
It was a very sobering experience for me to go there and see her.
It made me appreciate all the more what this family is going through.
They're pushing for something that many people, I think people even around them here today,
are telling them, no, you can't do that because we haven't faced that situation.
Nobody has been willing to make that decision in a case like Nancy's.
I wouldn't want to hold back food or liquids, never.
I want to come out of this without a guilt complex.
And I think, do everything I think nature will take care of that, time will take care of it, but we'll just keep the course.
I couldn't do that because every time I'd think of sitting down to a meal,
I'd think of my daughter laying up there not having anything to eat, you know, and that would bother me.
I'm always going to take care of you, and I'm always going to take care of you.
There have been times that, you know, I've thought, how can you murder your own child?
Our decision was based on what we felt like that Nancy would want, and that's all we have to justify.
If the decision's wrong, if we're playing God, then I'll have to live with that, and I'm willing to.
Well, I'm shaking, I don't know why.
Just hope we can get our point across, if they care enough.
We'll have today to just kind of sit back and watch.
She'd be armed and ready today.
I can just see her.
Walking there like she owns a courtroom.
Just daring anybody to look cross-eyed at her.
The first correspondence that we had from the Department of Health, it seemed it was going to be a friendly suit,
but then when the Attorney General's office got into, I can't say that they became adversarial, but it took a different tone, I felt.
We think in this case, to the extent that the state law speaks in Missouri,
it speaks of a policy which will not deny food or water.
We believe the legislature has spoken, and that the public policy that they have articulated
is one which would not allow this family to do what they're seeking to do.
May it please the court, if Nancy could come before this court today,
she would say to you, stop what is happening to me, stop what is happening to the family that I love.
I don't want to be preserved on this machine any longer.
Let me die with dignity.
She has a fundamental right to be free from that kind of medical treatment.
I don't know.
If he said no, you can't do this, then it would be a continued fight.
If he said yes, you can, then Nancy would have to die.
We would have to go through that process.
I really felt like we couldn't win either way.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Is this the R.I.?
You want me to read all of it or go through it?
I'm reading the part that tells what it is first.
Do you want me to just find what it is?
Just find that first and see.
I thought it would be at the front.
I still haven't found it.
It is a fundamental right expressed in our Constitution, the right of liberty,
which permits an individual to refuse or direct the withholding or withdrawal
of artificial death prolonging procedures.
The employees of the state of Missouri are directed to cause the request
of the court guardians to withdraw nutrition and hydration to be carried out.
Such a request, having court approval, shall be taken the same as a request
for a discontinuation of any other form of artificial life support systems.
The care and compassion of the respondents and their associates
who have already shown our ward and her guardians incomparable by any standards
are in keeping with the overwhelming tragedy that has been visited upon all of us.
So what does it say?
It says they are directed to cause the request of the court guardians
to withdraw nutrition or hydration to be carried out.
So if that's winning, we won.
Well, we were surprised that here in extremely conservative southwest Missouri
where nothing ever happens first, the judge came out with a decision like that.
I talked to one nurse last night who was one of the nurses that directly
is responsible for her care, and I mentioned that I was a little surprised,
and she said, I was shocked.
She said, I just never thought it would happen.
To me, it's very inhumane to do.
And I can't believe that any judge or any human would take it within theirself
to say, we're going to take this feeding away from this human being.
I just can't believe that anybody will do that.
To take away that life that you've saved, somebody's making some decisions
that I don't feel should be in their hands.
Nancy, we got a decision from Judge Teal today.
He grilled that you do have constitutional rights to determine your own treatment.
So it was all favorable.
I don't think that you know what we're talking about.
I don't have any way of knowing, Nancy.
But if you do, we've talked about this a lot before.
And you know why we're doing it.
We've got a ways to go, but at least we won the first round.
I really didn't realize that this could go on and on and on and on.
I really didn't think that it would.
We think that this is a good case for the state of Missouri to be involved in.
And I think that win or lose, we will be involved in an appeal
until we get an ultimate determination on what this family can do.
I don't think that it's fair that it has to be public debate.
These are decisions that I feel like families should make privately
with the help of their doctor.
But unfortunately, at this point in time in the state of Missouri,
there's not an option that's available.
And Nancy wouldn't be the kind of person to just sit back and do nothing.
I don't like having people show cameras in my face and wanting to take pictures
because you're not supposed to be happy or am I supposed to be standing here
and feeling real depressed or what am I supposed to do?
So I just kind of stood there thinking, I hope I'm doing the right thing.
Obviously, I hope they go in our favor,
but I'm just kind of dreading the day that we'll have to do it or the days
because that'll just be like we're losing Nancy,
but I think we'll probably see her somewhere else.
And she'll look like Nancy, she'll act like Nancy, she'll be Nancy.
That's what I hope will come out of this.
But I hope they say, okay, so we can get this over with.
Bill Colby called about 4 o'clock.
I had just gotten off work and I was running some errands.
And when I got home, when I came home, the girls were here and my mom was here
and when I opened the back door, I could tell something was wrong
and I wouldn't step on into the house.
I asked them what was wrong and they all looked at me and I asked them again
and by that time I was crying and I thought perhaps Nancy had died.
I just didn't know.
It never occurred to me that they had ruled against us,
that they had overturned Judge Teal's decision.
The reason they stated was that we did not have the right as guardians
to make that decision for Nancy.
And I mean, in other words, where did they get the authority to make that decision?
Because they did make a decision.
There had to be a decision made to let her live or to let her die.
We wanted to let her die.
They made the decision that she should live.
She would not want that.
And yet somebody out here says it doesn't matter what she wants.
It doesn't matter what you want as her family.
The state says life is precious, therefore it doesn't matter what you want.
It doesn't matter at all.
Nancy doesn't matter.
She just, I don't know, to me she looks worse all the time.
And she would be very upset by the way she is.
It's getting more and more and more difficult to go up and see her
because that's not Nancy up there.
It doesn't even look like Nancy anymore.
My dad has always been a fixer.
He's always wanted to make things right.
I think he feels so helpless.
He's made a very pessimistic, angry person out of me,
frustrated in that I really feel like what I was doing or trying to do
was what Nancy would want us to do.
I feel like I'm in a sack and I want to get out of it,
but I don't know where to hit.
I don't know which way to turn.
I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I've wondered, is my obsession for me now
that I'm not going to take no for an answer, or is it for Nancy?
In reality, I know that it's not for Nancy.
It's for everyone that's in this condition
and to have the state come in and say, no, you can't do this.
It's not over until it's over, and it's not over yet.
We still have the U.S. Supreme Court,
and it's helpful that they will have the courage, fortitude, foresight,
whatever you want to call it, to see that this needs to be addressed.
Music
Every court in the country that has addressed this issue
would allow them to have that tube removed
and allow them to die with dignity.
Missouri certainly is out there marching by itself
against the trend of decisions everywhere.
That life is sacred,
and we should not indiscriminately take away life.
Who are we to play God?
We are not qualified to play God.
Music
Good morning. My name is Bill Webster,
or William Webster, Missouri Attorney General's office.
I think the argument went well.
Frankly, we're all treading on fairly new ground here.
There's no other federal law which has ever suggested
there is a right that goes this far.
The constitutional right is the right
to not have the state intrude into your body
unless they give a good reason for doing it.
They've given no reason here.
If you get into my granddaughter, there's going to be a problem.
If you get into my granddaughter, there's going to be a problem.
I keep thinking, what am I doing here? Why me?
I feel like that I'm at the Super Bowl game,
and they've got me cleared back up in the highest bleacher
in the poorest seat in the house,
and these other two teams are playing,
and they're playing with my football,
and there's not a damn thing I can do about it,
except just watch.
From ABC, this is World News Tonight with Peter Jennings.
Good evening.
We begin tonight with two of the most difficult decisions
that a person ever faces,
whether to have an abortion
and whether to end the life of someone who is being kept alive
only by artificial means.
Today, the Supreme Court has set some limits
on the life of a person who is being kept alive
only by artificial means.
Today, the Supreme Court has set some limits
on the life of a person who is being kept alive
only by artificial means.
Today, the Supreme Court has set some limits.
First, the right to die.
The Supreme Court ruled today the Cruzans
had no constitutional right
to remove their daughter's feeding tube.
Rather, states have the right to insist
on clear and convincing evidence
is what the victim would want.
Chief Justice William Rehnquist said the parents' wishes
were outweighed by the state's interest
in the preservation and protection of human life
and the state's right to guard against potential abuse.
They hadn't gotten us out of it,
but once Bill explained all that it said,
I felt like maybe they had given us an out
in that we could go back into court
and introduce new evidence.
We went back into court with,
essentially with the testimony of three people
who contacted the Cruzans
after the argument at the U.S. Supreme Court
called them to say,
you do not know me, but I knew Nancy.
We talked about these issues,
and we just wanted you to know that you are doing
what she would have wanted.
That was very compelling testimony.
Good Morning America is brought to you by Citibank.
Five before nine, we go to Mike Schneider.
He'll take a quick look at the stories
making news this morning, Mike.
Thank you, Charlie.
In Missouri, a judge decides today
whether the Cruzan family can remove their daughter
from life support systems.
Nancy Cruzan has been in a coma
ever since a car accident seven years ago.
And finally...
Hold on a minute.
It was closed last month.
Now then, points at us.
Well, this is a big day.
Dad was in Mount Vernon
waiting to hear from Colby
as to what the decision was.
We knew that he was supposed to bring
the decision over to the House.
Well, I guess we'll see what happens.
Mr. Colby?
Yes, I am.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Everyone, everyone okay there?
Well, right, right, understandable, understandable, understandable.
Right.
Well, we've got a green light.
It's time.
It must be official now.
Well, you know as well as I do
that we're doing fine tonight.
I know.
Sometimes, right, it's not always easy.
Did it all come out the way we wanted?
Stipulation or things?
No.
Why don't we go, let's go talk to Lampertz.
There was a lot of people that didn't want to do it,
including myself,
and I would rather not be involved with that portion of it.
So we had the discussion with Mr. Colby and the family,
and I made calls to our attorney,
and finally the answer came back that yes, it's to be done here.
I was walked up to the desk,
and it was announced that we were going to move her,
and we said now, and they said yes.
At first it was like it was unreal,
and then as I was going down the hall,
I kind of got mad.
I had anger.
It's something that I didn't want to do,
but at the same time I still am obligated.
I think maybe that was my reason for anger in the movie,
but I knew that it had to be done, and someone was going to do it,
and maybe this was my last contact with her,
so yes, I'd do it, but yet I was angry because of it.
Nan was moved over to a hospice portion of the hospital,
and I remember we went kind of a back way to avoid the media
and a lot of the people there in the hospital,
and we got over to the hospice unit
and met the nurse that was taking care of the unit for the evening.
When this whole thing started,
we were asked our opinions, our feelings, and we spoke up.
I spoke up as well in her cause, and for Nancy's sake,
I had never met the parents,
and all I knew is that I didn't think it was right to pull out a tube
and deliberately allow someone to die a slow death
when if you're going to do that, you might as well just inject them,
and I held firmly to that,
and I still have a lot of trouble with that.
I wish that it could be quicker.
This is nature's way, though.
Man stopped nature a long time ago from taking its course.
It's going to be difficult, kind of a tough couple of weeks for her,
but then she'll be free.
In that statement that I wrote the other day,
I'll read as much of it as I can.
I don't know if I can read all of it or not,
but during the late fall and winter of 1986,
realizing that Nancy was not going to recover
and that she would not wish to continue in her present condition,
I made a commitment to her to allow her to die with some dignity.
On May 28, 1987, we presented a letter to the Missouri Rehabilitation Center
requesting the treatment be stopped.
Today, 1,295 days later, we have that court order.
She was our bright flaming star who flew through the heavens of our lives.
Though brilliant, her flight was terribly short-lived,
but she has left a flaming trail,
a legacy that I do not think will be shortly forgotten.
Because of Nancy, I suspect hundreds of thousands of people can rest free,
knowing that when death beckons, they can meet it face to face with dignity,
free from the fear of unwanted medical treatment,
unwanted and useless medical treatment.
I think this is quite an accomplishment for a 25-year-old kid,
and I'm damn proud of her.
I know that wherever she is today, she is looking down,
beaming with pride, damned proud of her family.
Now we walk with her to the door of death so that she may at last pass through and be free.
I don't even know why I tried to do that.
So fly away, little sister.
Have fun.
I got a call at home that a group of people that were going to come storm the hospital,
it was the words they used, and chained themselves to Nancy's bed,
beating two back in.
If I could get up there, and I know they've got plenty of good nurses,
and then I would put the two back in her myself,
I'd hope to be able to try something like that, but we're not going to make it.
Is that what that is around the neck?
It would be needed, yes.
I have a friend upstairs, and I was trying to give her a cup of water.
Who's your friend?
Nancy Cruzan.
And there are policemen up there, and they won't let me give her a cup of water.
I'm commanded by the scripture to give a friend a cup of water.
That's all I want to do.
Okay, folks, as hard as you can, kneel and pray as we agree.
God help us to repent and turn back to you.
Change the Cruzan's mind about this Lord.
They'll let their daughter be fed.
Father, I adore you. Lateness is life before you. How she loves you.
I felt threatened, not me physically and personally,
but it was almost like you had to protect Nancy.
There were times that Joe leaned against the door and held a shot.
Not that anybody was trying to get in, but just in case.
And you could hear that there was stuff going on out there.
We need everybody to clear the hallway, media and everyone.
So if you all would go on out, and the ones that don't want to go out, we'll take out.
Move in or go in?
The first time that we came down here after her, after it was disconnected,
it was just, Nancy's dying is all I can think.
Nancy's dying. She's laying in this bed. She's dying.
It feels, it's so different because now this is final.
I mean, when I leave here today, it could be the last time I see her alive.
I mean, you know there's not a tube hooked up to her, and you know she's dying.
And that's what makes it really, really difficult,
because we've never had anybody close to us die before.
I asked Mom if she was hungry, and she said that, you know, no, probably not.
And I asked her if she was afraid, and Mom said probably not,
because Mom said that it's like riding on a bus for a long time.
You know, like when you take a long trip, you get tired of riding.
It's kind of like this maybe, just tired of riding this way.
So she's almost there. You know how you can see the lights, and you're almost home.
Are you scared? Yeah. Are you scared to be in here? Yeah. Yeah.
Come here. Okay.
You don't have to stay in here if you don't want to, okay?
It's whatever you want to do. Would you like me to just shut up?
You can't really say that, huh? Well, shut up, okay?
That's probably what me and you would say. Just shut your mouth.
Okay.
Apparently there was a press release put out this morning that her condition was deteriorating.
And she was still the only thing that was big enough to close. Right. Is her chest thing clear or no? No, it is.
I think you probably noticed that her eyes were getting a little bloodshot. Right.
Is that an indication that we should put more artificial tears in, or is that just?
My help. My help, yeah. That may be from dryness, yes.
Okay. I'll see you in the morning.
There's an awful lot of discussion on it among physicians and nurses.
I've heard a lot of people state to this effect, you know, the statement that we don't kill our patients.
That we're taught in medicine to prolong life and ease suffering, and to a lot of reading and introspection and meditating, whatever you want to call it.
I've come to the conclusion that sometimes they're not mutually compatible, that you cannot relieve suffering while you are prolonging life.
And in a case like that, you may have to elect for one or the other.
If I was to remove food and water from my cow, they'd arrest me and put me in jail.
But to take a human being that can think and eat, and they'd starve him to death.
She made a good remark, too, I thought, because Joanne was referring to being in a vegetative state.
And whoever gave that idea, that's a terrible...
It's another society's...
It's a cover-up.
To put on a person.
Vegetable is going to be just like a fetus, that's the word they're going to use.
If it's not fully human, then you can kill it.
A vegetable, isn't it?
I mean, a person can't eat a vegetable.
They have a soul, they have a heart.
America has lost all sense of value for human life at all.
You know, with abortion and now with this thing with Nancy.
I don't know how in the hell I got picked for this.
They must think somebody must have a lot higher expectations of me than I have.
I don't know if it was fate or God or who, but whoever...
He must have thought, boy, that's a cool dude down there.
I'll have him go through all this crap.
Let me have my daughter back and they can have all this stuff.
I'll go home and prop my feet up in front of the television and watch the evening news
without seeing Cruzanne splashed all over it.
Yes?
I can't see much from yesterday.
Hi.
No changes yet?
No changes yet.
Okay.
I was wondering, will she probably go into a true coma at some point?
Possibly.
It's possible.
But not necessarily.
Not necessarily.
But I would say that she's become less and less responsive all of it.
Right.
With the passage of time, in the sense of the word responsive, meaning that she won't
wake up in the night.
Right.
Right.
So, yeah.
Okay.
Appear to sleep more.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Okay.
Thanks.
I just saw a couple of local stations come in, so they're probably getting ready to do
something.
They have a prayer meeting scheduled here in about 12 or 13 minutes, a spontaneous prayer
meeting for her.
Lord Jesus, that we can see this intervention, and we can see this whole type of mindset
stopped, or at least Lord, slowed down.
Yes, Jesus.
It shook up.
Shake up Satan's kingdom today, Lord.
In the name of Jesus.
In the blood of Jesus.
Oh, Jesus, rise with mighty power and shake up Satan's kingdom.
Shake up Satan's kingdom.
For it came from a monkey region.
In the name of Jesus.
Bring our nation back to God, Father.
Humble us and break us.
Forgive us.
Professing Christians for being so cold and heartless and stupid.
Oh, God, hear our voice and intervene by the power of the Spirit of God.
Glory to God.
Work a miracle on our behalf and turn our hearts back to you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
In the name of Christ.
I think what is happening is that the employees, as well as maybe even the people in town,
are feeling like we're being attacked by all these people coming in.
And that means that we band together a little closer and we try to take care of each other.
It's affecting everyone.
One of the gals that works here, she's not a nurse.
She told me of a dream that she had last night, and this one struck me as oddly symbolic.
She said she dreamed that she was walking with Nancy.
Nancy was with her, and she was telling this girl that she liked to walk at night, and
that's what she did.
She would get out at night and walk, and this lady asked her, well, why do you walk at night?
And she said, well, I'm trying to get used to my new way of life.
I'm trying to get a new perspective on my life.
You know, I'm tired of the sharp objects and things that hurt me.
I had a dream about Nancy the other night.
I woke up in the middle of the night, and she was talking to her mother.
And the thought ran through my head that, oh, my goodness, wouldn't that be terrible
if something like that happened?
Well, that's basically a nightmare, so to speak.
So I wouldn't have thought that that would happen, but then.
I wonder later on if I'll be able to sleep at night.
Wondering what's inside Nancy.
You know, she may not have a viable body that can get up and do what you and I do and be
socially productive, but she has a spirit.
She has a part of her that will never die, and I wonder if that part is ready.
The hardest part has been deciding how much blame I have, how much moral responsibility
I have from being in charge of the whole thing.
What part am I playing in her death?
Am I causing it?
Should I have stopped it?
I couldn't have, I don't have the authority and the power to have totally stopped it.
I could have slowed it down.
I could have gotten myself out, but somebody else would have come in and done it.
So my moral dilemma, I suppose, is how far should I have gone?
And I still don't know.
Oh, my God.
Dr. Davis did say this morning that he thought Nancy's condition was serious now, however,
he didn't feel like it was critical at this point.
He said if her condition deteriorated as much in the next 24 hours as it has in the last
24 hours, that it probably would be critical, or if it continued to deteriorate, it would
be fatal.
The closer it gets, the more we want to draw together around her.
We don't, and I'm not putting the preachers down, but we don't need the preachers.
We don't need the spectators or this, that, or the news media or anyone else that we can
pull together and we can take care of her.
I'm so thankful that there were no harsh words or unkind things said that weren't resolved
or anything, because I know that would be easy for that to happen in something like
this.
If I'd only not said, I wish I hadn't said that, I wish I could take that back, but I
don't have any of those, and I'm real glad for that.
It's made me want to be more like Nancy.
I don't know why.
I don't know, because, you know, people cared about her so much, you know, and I don't know.
It feels like I want to be her replacement.
I want people to care about me as much as they cared about her.
I think, in a way, Nancy's sort of given us something here.
She's given us, I mean, we've had to grow up a lot faster, but we've also learned a
lot about life in these past seven years.
We've learned a lot about how people have to live, about pain you have to go through,
and that things aren't always given to you on a silver platter, and things happen, and
everything doesn't turn out the way you want it to.
So in a way, Nancy hasn't been here, but she's been giving us something all this time.
Her heart rate's slowed down, Simon, it's 160, and her breathing is about 44 minutes,
which is faster.
Take a look at her copper again.
Look, I think you're some more relaxed.
Thank you.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at that.
Oh, no, no.
I haven't seen that.
No, you haven't.
You haven't.
You haven't.
You haven't.
You haven't.
You haven't.
She's sweating now, something she hasn't done, either she's breaking a temper, she's getting
a higher one.
Let me go get the temperature.
Yeah, we'll check that.
What is the fact that she's perspiring now?
It could be that her heart is starting to give up now.
I've got to go now, so I'm going to go give her a board, pass these things on, in case
I don't see you again.
You've been so great, you guys are wonderful people, I'm so glad.
I had the opportunity to get your view, just for a little bit, and see you again, I hope
I do.
Okay.
I hope I do, but you know what I mean.
Right.
And you can't do it by yourself.
Okay, I will.
Thank you.
You're going to need help.
Yeah.
Somehow, I think she's, it's all okay, it's like, I think she knows.
her condition deteriorated through the day, Christmas day, and considerably, after
about five o'clock, and I went in and laid down I think about midnight, and about one
o'clock, Joyce called me and said that her breathing had seemed more labored, and I went
in there and we were in a room with her from then until she died at 246, 247, December
26, very, very peaceful, I was holding her head, put them in my arms, and Joyce and Christy
were there, and she just, her breathing became slower and slower, and fainter and fainter,
and we all knew that finally it just stopped.
Joyce said this morning, we can all go home together, and I felt that, thank God, she's
free.
I don't know what I think about the afterlife, but whatever it is, she's happy, she's having
fun, she's real proud of all of us, and she's keeping an eye on us all the time.
I don't know exactly what there is, if there's a heaven, I'm sure she's probably already
there.
I have a feeling that she's been there for a long time, her soul, her spirit, I hope
she'll be at peace or in heaven or whatever, at rest.
I don't know if I'll ever see Nancy again or not.
I don't know what's going to happen after we die, but to me the most important thing
was that we had her for those 25 years, and regardless of what people say about me, of
what they think of my motives, or whatever happens, no one can ever take that 25 years
from me.
I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but I'm sure she'll be there for all of us.
I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but I'm sure she'll be there for all of us.
I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but I'm sure she'll be there for all of us.
I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but I'm sure she'll be there for all
of us.
I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but I'm sure she'll be there for all of us.
I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but I'm sure she'll be there for all of us.