Delivery and recycling and you'll still pay less guaranteed at Warner Stallion
So I should go to work and raise the kids. All right, it should be all me. Yeah, and what do you do all day?
I'm sorry
Excuse me, I'm sorry
You're giving me the it's not you it's me routine I invented it's not you it's me
Nobody tells me it's them not me if it's anybody, it's me
You're damn right, it's me
The TBS Department of humor analysis
It's the department's sole mission to study analyze and interpret what the average person finds funny
Help the department in their important work by
participating in this ongoing humor study the information you share with us will be fed into the humor analysis mainframe and
Shredding so that we don't have to share it with anyone else. Tell us what you find funny at TBS humor study
calm
Comedy without foul language explicit material and offensive comments can be very funny
Really a gazillion entered the Wendy's comedy challenge
You have a good taste to pick up now visit Wendy's comedy challenge com to see the five very funny finalists in their comedy
festival that you in Vegas
And see why Wendy's believes in standing up for good taste every day
Wendy's do what tastes right?
Push me and then just touch me till I can get my satisfaction
Oh
The post-game celebration continues what all came down to a couple of key plays like Nick here knowing the name of the first snowboard
The snorper. Yeah, he really went deep for that one. And now you know, he's going to be a snorper
He's going to be a snorper
Really turn things around
Nr o c p o p
You got to give the other team credit. I mean who knew Frank has such awesome supermodel moves
Cranium turbo is the life of the party for everyone who plays
Available at Target
We love pillaging this time of year
But with so many people switching to capital one, we've had to find new jobs
Some of us are getting pretty desperate
For low rates and great rewards switch to capital one. What's in your wallet?
Boo
This year 25 bucks get you the hottest gift of the season the gift of Garth
Walmart is the only place you'll find Garth Brooks the limited series six disc box set
This unparalleled collection of 70 tracks features the hit single good ride cowboy
11 previously unreleased Garth recordings a 90 minute all access DVD and more
It's all available this Friday November 25th for the incredible low price of 25 bucks only at Walmart and Sam's Club
This Christmas the Bakers are back
That's a dozen whoa
And when it comes to comedy
You can knock the big boy off the block
Ouch
Bigger is better
Steve Martin
Anybody seen my other two?
Cheaper by the Dozen 2
Rated PG
And on November 22nd
Buy the new special edition Cheaper by the Dozen DVD
And get free movie money to see Cheaper by the Dozen 2
December 21st only in theaters
Oh hey honey
Hey
So what have you been up to?
Nothing
So what have you guys been up to?
Nothing
I'm Daisy
My hobbies are bounty hunting
Wedding planning
Poker
Country singing
And dog shows
I'm not schizophrenic
Just very busy
What's the problem of showing a dog with one testicle?
On December 6th
Executive producers Courtney Cox and David Arquette
Present America's newest funny girl
Daisy Does America
Daisy Does America premieres Tuesday December 6th on TBS
You're watching Earth to America on TBS
Brought to you by Verizon Wireless
There's only one reason to choose a wireless company
It's the network
Verizon Wireless
Dude you said 2.30
I called and texted
You didn't get any of my messages?
You guys are killing me
That's your network?
Yes
Yes it is
Is that your network?
Yeah
Well this is awkward
There's only one reason to choose a wireless company
It's the network
And only Verizon Wireless is America's most reliable
Verizon Wireless
It's the network
Such thing as
Oh come on
Someone drank my Sierra Mist
Again
What was it you were telling me?
You go on vacation again every year?
Honolulu
Glenn
Um
What did you have for lunch today?
I had garlic pizza
Keisha I really like your new glasses
Are they new?
Yes
Okay
I distinctly detect the citrusy lemon lime aroma of Sierra Mist on your breath
Are you sure?
Smell her
Yep
Love the double the stuff you love
Love the double
Only from Chase
So let me get this straight
You want me to drive darling
Go wherever she goes
Dad
Do I look like I need a babysitter?
Yeah that's cool
This Wednesday
Who's the new guy?
Friend of the family I got stuck with
I wouldn't mind getting stuck with that
Usher
I heard black men could dance
Oh yeah?
Well I heard Italian women can get you in trouble before it's over
Gun
In the next
He didn't even touch his brakes
Are you alright?
Rated PG-13
In theaters everywhere Wednesday
Big bowls
Little giggles
Oh the magic they bake
Can I keep them this young?
What does it take?
With Nestle Toll House Swirled Marsals
You can give your memories a fun new twist
With semi-sweet and white chocolate
In new flavors like milk chocolate and caramel
And milk chocolate and peanut butter
Nestle Toll House Swirled Marsals
Bake the very best
Hey now it's time for you and me
Got a revolution
Got some revolution
Hey come on now we're marching to the sea
Got a revolution
Got some revolution
Truth and love we will prove
We are volunteers of America
Volunteers of America
Dear Grand Casino
Recently I dragged my husband Bud
A.K.A. Mr. Negative
To one of your prize drawings
Bud is great but he's not the most optimistic guy around
Waste of time if you ask me
Well after a brief lecture on the power of positive thinking
Both of our names get drawn
And as Bud was counting his winnings
I swear I caught just the hint of a smile across his face
My name's Joanne Mueller and that's my Grand Casino story
The Blacks Band of Ojibwe welcomes you
Tonight in the Carol F.N. News Extra
This holiday season
Give your kids something to smile at
Something to dance over
Something to say yippee for
But and here's the best part
Without breaking the budget
We find the hottest prices and the hottest toys from four stores
Walmart, Target, Fleet Farm, and Toys R Us
Who will win?
Your kids
Your budget
So start dancing
And watch Carol F.N. News Extra tonight at 10
What brings you to the big city?
I just inherited $40 billion
That's nice
Whoever said money can't buy happiness
Must be a total idiot
For three nights in a row
I got mad frostbite when I was in the Scouts
I just whacked my foot
Didn't feel it
Yeah, that's it
You said why would you do that to me?
I'm just kidding, you fell
Mr. Deans with three chances to watch
Beginning Friday, December 2nd on TBS
You're watching Earth to America on TBS
Brought to you by Wendy's
New Wendy's
Do what tastes right
It takes flair to be a square
To walk around with no hair
I'm bold
Yes, I swear to be the only single square
Because it's better than being round
Or being a king or a clown
It takes flair to be square
To be hardcore enough to dare to be made
The way you like to be juicy
To be fresh
Sippy B.P. is the best
Do a square burger at Wendy's
And do what tastes right
American Express, how may I help you, Mr. Giles?
First date, okay
How about the circus?
I see, fear of clowns, all right
What about the planetarium?
She's nearsighted, really
Well, you know, how about something close up?
Sure, I have rows four and five available tonight
No sir, no clowns
The American Express Card, a world of service
Who are those guys?
Oh, that's our network
It's the most reliable, comes with the phone
Do I, like, owe you?
No, we're good
There's only one reason to choose a wireless company
It's the network
And now America's most reliable wireless network
Has cool Samsung camera phones for just $49.99
Verizon Wireless, it's the network
December 21, only in theaters
The post-game celebration continues
Well, it all came down to a couple of key plays
Like Nick here, knowing the name of the first snowboard
The Snurfer
Yeah, he really went deep for that one
And Maggie, spelling popcorn backwards
Really turned things around
N-R-O-C-P-O-P
That's right, yeah
Of course, you've got to give the other team credit
I mean, who knew Frank has such awesome supermodel moves?
Cranium Turbo is the life of the party for everyone who plays
Available at Target
So how are the digital cameras coming?
They're, uh
I'm using Oak for the first time ever
Cuckoo
Look at the cuckoo
We haven't actually gotten an image yet on the screen
But we drew a picture on the back
You know, sir, this year we can use the easy button
To get all the digital cameras we need
No good pixels
Do it
This holiday, get all your digital gifts with the easy button
Staples has a huge selection of brand-name digital cameras
Plus shop early this Friday to get incredible savings throughout the store
Staples, that was easy
Hey, Mom, what's going on?
Hey, baby
How was Vegas?
Vegas?
Vegas was cool
We saw Blue Man Group
Oh
Yeah, you know those guys
They don't talk, but it's funny
And they're blue
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine
Can I call you back a little later?
Sure
Good job
Smooth
Daisy Does America
A new comedy series premieres Tuesday, December 6th on TBS
I'm here today with Dr. Agnes Thomas
An animal communicator extraordinaire
A big question
Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who let the dogs out?
Out of where?
It was never clear
On December 6th, TBS presents America's newest funny girl
Daisy Does America premieres Tuesday, December 6th on TBS
Officer, I'm sorry, that's my car
I just ran in there to get a drink
Just a hot day, I just ran in to get a Sierra Mist, you know, cold drink
Hot day
Lemon Lime
You, uh, you want one?
Are you trying to bribe me?
No, no, no
Get against the car, spread your legs
No, no, no, you're misunderstanding me, I'm just trying to be nice
Uh-huh, well me too
Hey now
We loved pillaging this time of year
But with so many people switching to Capital One, we've had to find new jobs
Some of us are getting pretty desperate
For low rates and great rewards, switch to Capital One
What's in your wallet? Boo!
Hi, I'm Lisa, nice to meet you
Hi, I'm Marge
I'm Maggie
Nice to meet you, I'm Mary
My name's Rhoda
Rhoda
I'm Laverne, this is my friend Shirley
I'm Betty
Nice to meet you, I'm Wilma
I'm Cindy
I'm Jan
I'm Marcia
Hi, I'm Janet
I'm Chrissy
My name's Mary Ann
Hi, I'm Ginger
Hi, so where are you ladies from?
Mayberry
Cool
One of the hardest things in life
Through the big feats
Is telling that special someone
Not one girl
Your true feelings
And that's not you
Wow, Chris
Now this girl will do anything
There she is
Me?
Not you wrinklers, her
What?
To be more
Wow, you don't see that every day
Than just friends
This is the taser gun
You can't torture someone into liking you
Bitch
It starts Wednesday
This year, give big
With a gift card from Sears
Wish big
All the biggest gifts
All the best ways to get them home
Free shipping after mail-in rebate
At Sears.com
Wish big
That's Sears
Dinnertime Confessions
From Lean Cuisine
Last night I had a salad
And a tub of vanilla chipswirl
I won my own private pie-eating contest
I cleaned out my cookie drawer
I had roast chicken portobello
With a vegetable rice medley
Followed by sweet cherries
And decadent chocolate sauce
It was one of those new dinners
With dessert from Lean Cuisine
Introducing 30% more food and dessert
From Lean Cuisine
Now for a limited time
Come on down for a taste of Old Chicago
We're talking a special three-course menu
Of Old Chicago favorites
For the deliciously low price of only $11.99
Your choice of starters
Your choice of pizza, calzone, or lasagna
And your choice of desserts
All three for only $11.99
This tasty trifecta won't last long
So get down here today
Old Chicago
Eat, drink, be yourself
All through the town
The alarm is on the bus
Go, shh, shh, shh
Hello
Mr. Brown, this is your BMW service advisor
Would you like to schedule an oil change?
How did you know I needed an oil change?
Your car called and told me
What else did it tell you?
That's it
Great
Tell us service from BMW
The first car smart enough to call when you need service
Test drive a five-series at your authorized BMW center
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Sex and the City, Tuesdays at 9, 8 Central
And Wednesdays at 10, 9 Central
On TBS
I got a bad frostbite when I was in the Scouts
I just whacked my foot
Didn't feel that
Yeah, that's it
Why would you do that to me?
I'm just kidding you
Mr. Deeds with three chances to watch
Beginning Friday, December 2nd on TBS
You're watching Earth to America on TBS
All right, what's going on everybody?
Brought to you by the American Express car
A world of service
American Express, how may I help you Miss Abrams?
For your father's birthday
Okay
You can redeem points and get him a ride in a MIG
Freight of Heights
How about auto racing school?
About 200 miles an hour?
Motion sick
Okay, here it is
Something that goes three miles an hour
Safari it is
The American Express card
A world of service
Sorry, go ahead
You brought paper scissors?
All right
Whoa
Water makes the scissors rusty
And then they crumble and they break
And then paper scoops it up
What?
Dude, you said 2.30
I called and texted
You didn't get any of my messages?
You guys are killing me
That's your network?
Yes
Yes it is
Is that your network?
Yeah
Well this is awkward
There's only one reason to choose a wireless company
It's the network
And only Verizon Wireless is America's most reliable
Verizon Wireless, it's the network
Your burger, any way you want it, every way you want it
At Wendy's