Welcome to the show, Darren.
Thank you.
Who's the neo-Nazi?
Hello Pauline, how are you?
No, it's Chuck.
That's Pauline.
Pauline's my other name.
Why are you bald?
Charity.
I did it.
$25,000 they paid me to shave my head.
That's a dollar per hair.
Not in your case.
Yeah, about that.
Shame, shame, shame.
No, shave, shave, shave.
It scares me.
Do I scare you?
Yeah.
No, don't you put that life-infested thing on my head.
Now, what do you think is the worst investment decision you've ever made, Darren?
Your career, Chuck.
I'm into more stations in the Southern Aurora.
Yeah, I get fired by everybody.
I'm a serial firee.
You are.
That's life.
We're really broke out of money.
Try $6.49 in your ATM.
Now, you still own the winery.
Didn't you?
Yeah.
Shame, shame, shame.
Get off this guy.
And I still owe half a million dollars on that winery.
Do you really?
Yeah.
So you don't have large assets at the moment?
I have nothing.
David showed me his assets.
Can I see yours?
I wouldn't want to embarrass him, Chuck.
I wouldn't want to embarrass him.
Why, are you smaller?
No, it's just colder where I come from.
That's life.
Darren, we all know you spent a week in jail.
About 12 days.
12 days.
Your very first night, you were in with a convicted murderer.
He was doing 22 years.
And how did that go?
How did that go?
Well, he won the bottom bunk and I said you'd have it.
Were you the mommy or the daddy?
I'm not a pillow biter.
I heard he has to slit his cells.
It's him, get me out of here.
It's quite scary because nobody tells you what to do in jail.
The governor said to me, do you like your beard?
I said, yeah, why?
He said, do you like it?
I said, yeah.
He said, do you want to keep it?
I said, yeah.
He said, you may.
That's what gets you when they say to you, that's the word.
He controls you.
And this guy's doing 22 years in jail.
I said, well, you said the bottom bunk.
I didn't care.
I didn't go to the toilet for two days because I don't go to the dunny with...
Six guys watching you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Scary.
I hate to be arrested with you.
I could smack you in the mouth.
You what?
You're a smartass.
You are.
He is.
David, you're a nice guy.
Your dummy is a dummy.
He's a smartass.
I don't like him.
Look, I know I'm a dummy.
I'm not an idiot.
Now, Darren...
We have something in common.
Takes one to know one.
That's enough.
I don't like you.
I don't like you.
Chuck, stop it.
Now, Darren, you were sacked every Christmas for a while there.
Didn't that hurt your ego?
The difference between me and Santa Claus is that I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
I'm a smartass.
The difference between me and Santa Claus is he has a job every Christmas and I don't.
Did you get your tink slip in the Christmas stockings?
Only once a year.
Did you cry?
No.
Hey, life is just a bowl of cherries.
You know that?
And you just go on, you do it, and like those tall toys, they knock you over, you stand
up, knock you over, you stand up.
And with bosses you say, get nicked, I'm still here.
I'm still standing.
Well, you are a survivor.
You're still here.
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen.
He's not.
Yes, I am.
Thank you.
Thank you, Darren.
We'll be back after the break.
Thank you.
Thank you.