♪ Demons come from every side ♪
♪ In the darkness is the light ♪
♪ Out of the shadows of my life ♪
♪ In the darkness is the light ♪
♪ Surrender will win the fight ♪
♪ This girl's walked on fire and ice ♪
♪ But I come out On the other side of ♪
♪ Paradise ♪
[Fi] Mad scientists have been around for a really long time.
I mean, just rent an old horror movie.
One's bound to turn up someplace,
either making himself invisible or creating the perfect woman
or rousing an ancient mummy.
Whatever he's doing, he's mad.
Not angry mad. Mad insane.
But, of course,
not all mad scientists are crazy like Dr. Frankenstein or Dr. Jekyll.
Some did good stuff before they went bananas.
Take Nikola Tesla, who, after inventing the Tesla coil,
direct current, and the first remote-controlled boat,
went on to invent a death ray
and bragged about being able to split the Earth like an apple.
Seems Dr. Tesla was short a test tube or two.
But in these days of downsizing,
when it's hard to afford a death ray or a castle on a mountain,
where do all these mad scientists end up working?
I mean, everybody's got to earn a living, right?
Do they end up as mad pediatricians or mad pharmacists?
Or how about... [laughs villanousy] mad orthodontists?
Just keep that in mind
next time the doctor says, "this will only hurt a little."
[Fi] So we walk in the door after six months on the road,
and before we can put our bags down, we're scratching our ankles like crazy,
and it turns out that the house is totally infested with fleas,
so today, our mom is flea-bombing the place,
so Jack and me... Oh, this is Jack. Say hi, Jack.
[Jack] Hi.
So Jack and I get the vet duty, right?
This isn't our regular vet,
but we found this coupon in the mail for a $5 flea dip,
so how could we pass that up, right?
Oh, and this is our cat, PB, which stands for Pea Brain.
She's not, like, the brightest thing on four legs.
She's got fleas really bad, so she needs it.
Oh, I love your glasses.
That is such a cute puppy.
[gasps] What's its name?
Uh, Agamemnon.
Wow. That's very historical.
I'm Fi, which is short for Fiona. Fiona Phillips. That's my last name.
-Phillips. -Tim.
Well, I... I hope this coupon isn't a bad sign,
like there's something wrong with the place.
Hi, I'm Dr. Daily. Who's next?
I think I am.
-[dog barks] -[gasps] And who have we here?
Who's this handsome little boy?
[talking giberish]
Kissy-kissy-kissy.
Kiss mama, kiss mama. Yes, kissy-kissy. You are such a cutie.
Oh, you are such a cutie! Oh! Oh!
I just love dogs.
Uh, yeah, I guess.
Oh, very nice.
Excellent penmanship.
Nothing outside the lines. Every "i" dotted.
I like it.
Why don't you and puppy head into exam room number one?
[giggling]
Oh...
And what have we here?
-A little rat terrier? A chihuahua? -[meowing]
Oh.
A cat?
Yeah. Is there a problem?
It doesn't say on the coupon that you don't do cats.
Well, that old coupon doesn't. Uh...
[sighs] I suppose I can make an exception.
Ugh.
Here, fill that out. Uh, neatly.
Great.
OK, buddy, which room did she want us in?
Think it was two, huh?
[distorted voice] Help me, please!
Young man, I specifically told you exam room number one.
Bad dog!
[Tim] What are you...
Ow!
[dog whimpers]
Come here, baby.
I'll take that, thank you.
Uh...
Uh, you can come back for this thing tomorrow.
Come on, come on, come on, puppy.
Have a nice day.
[Fi] Mom, they're in my bed!
[Jack] I don't think that flea bomb worked.
[Molly] I know, I know, I know.
Pick it up, Pokey.
I want to surprise Candy before she finds out we're home.
Relax, all right?
We still have to pick up PB, and I have to do the shopping...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in the car.
I wish I'd known that a driver's license was a permit to run errands.
Hey, hey, hey, you guys. Not so fast. Where's my hug?
OK, I want you to stay out all afternoon, because I'm going to re-bomb,
so this place is ground zero till tonight.
No problem.
Is there anything else you want me to do? Drive to Utah and get bus parts?
Thank you, Jack. See you later.
-Love you. -[Molly] Love you, too.
Hi, Dr. Daily. We're here for PB.
Oh.
Maybe we have to fill out the "pick up the cat" form.
Hey...
Aren't those Tim's glasses?
You know, the guy from the waiting room?
Oh! You mean the dreamy one?
Don't you think it's a little strange?
No, I think it's the lost and found. He probably forgot them when he left.
Can I help you with something back there?
Oh, um, I... I was just wondering why you didn't have any help.
It would make things a little bit easier.
-I work alone. -Oh.
[Dr. Daily sighs]
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
[door closes]
Jack,
I am going to walk to Candy's by myself.
Why?
I'm just going to see if the vet has any hairball medicine for PB.
Yuck. OK.
Bye, Pea Brain.
-See you. -See you.
[Fi] Cell structure?
Canine DNA?
Rapid DNA reprogramming?
I don't get it.
She names her dogs after her customers?
[woman humming]
[door closes]
Oh, very bad dog.
[gasps]
[Fi] Ouch!
Oh, no! What's happening?
[grunts]
Oh, you are such a cutie.
Ooh, yes, you are. -[Fi] This is not going to be a good day.
OK, stay calm.
This isn't the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean, there was the time when...
OK, maybe this is the weirdest thing that's...
Wait. What are we doing here?
I thought we were going to talk about this.
You can't put me in a cage.
I was a customer. I had a coupon.
And you can't go around turning people into animals.
I'm pretty sure there's a law against that.
No, please don't leave me here.
I just want to go home.
Can't you hear me? Why can't she hear me?
No. Please.
[shepherd] Forget it. It's not going to work.
[Fi] Wait a minute. Did you just say something?
[Shepherd] That's my point. You can't say anything.
-We've got dog lips now. -[Fi] You sound like...
-[Shepherd] Tim. From the waiting room. -[Fi] How... How can I hear you?
[Tim] Animals are telepathic, I guess.
Or at least dogs are.
Your cat didn't talk to me all night, but then, you know, I'm a dog now.
[Fi] Dr. Daily... She injected you with that blue stuff too?
[Tim] Yeah. That was freaky, huh?
I think I passed out When I looked behind me and saw a tail.
[Fi] But why's she doing this?
Well, all I know so far is she doesn't like people very much,
but she really likes dogs.
[Fi] So she turns people into dogs?
[Tim] I think most of the dogs in here used to be people.
[Fi] You think? Hello, isn't it obvious?
[Tim] Not after 24 hours.
[Fi] What happens after 24 hours?
[Tim] I'll show you. Hey, Jeremy, you still here?
[Jeremy, in a distorted voice] Somebody say "Jeremy"? Tim?
-[Jeremy continues babbling] -[Fi] Are you Jeremy? Jeremy Fingerhut?
[Jeremy, in a distorted voice] My name Jeremy. Jeremy good dog.
[Tim] After 24 hours, your dog mind takes over.
You forget you were ever human.
[Jeremy] Jeremy...
[Tim] And if we don't find some way out of this,
it's going to happen to us, too.
[Fi] OK, the first thing we've got to do is break out of here and find my family.
[Tim] And then what? Bark at them in morse code?
[Fi] When it comes to weird stuff, I've got my family sort of well trained.
-[Tim] OK. -[Fi] OK, we can't talk,
we've got fur all over our bodies, but we're not licked yet.
[Tim] Speak for yourself.
[Fi] There's got to be a way to open this cage.
[Tim] I chewed on these bars all night. We're not going anywhere.
[Fi grunts] I... I need something to pick the lock.
Like... Like a bobby pin, maybe. Have you got any?
[Tim] Oh, yeah, a bobby pin.
I've got one here next to my blowtorch and my hacksaw.
[Fi] Look, I could use a little help here.
I, for one, don't want to spend the rest of my life eating
-chunky beef bites out of a plastic bowl. -[Tim] Mmm.
Wait! Your hair.
[Fi] Hey, I'm a dog, all right? I'm sorry if I've got split ends.
[Tim] No, that thing in your hair. Your, uh, barrette.
-Maybe we could use it to open the cage. -[Fi] Oh. Sorry.
-Can you get it? -[Tim] I think so, yeah.
Mmm. Is that Sassy No. Six you're wearing?
-[Fi] Yeah, I put it on this morning. -[Tim] Nice.
OK, I'm going to try it in the lock.
[Fi] It isn't working.
[Tim] I'm still trying. Sorry about the drool.
[Fi chuckles] No problem.
-[Tim] Hey, I got it! -[Fi] Yes!
[Tim chuckles]
Boy, I've only been in there for a day, but it feels like seven.
[Fi] Let's get out of here before she comes back.
-[Tim] Wait. What about agamemnon? -[Fi] We'll come back for him.
[distorted voice] Where are you guys going?
[Fi] It's right up the street here.
[Tim] I'm getting hungry. Are we almost there?
[Fi] We'd get there quicker if you'd quit stopping at every fire hydrant.
-[Tim] Fi, wait up! -[cans rattling]
-[Fi] Tim, watch out! -[car honking]
[Tim] Look what I found!
[Fi] What are you doing? You can't just...
-[Tim] What? -[Fi] Oh, no, you're turning.
-We're running out of time. Let's go. -[Tim] Does that mean you don't want any?
-[Fi] Come on. -[Tim] Bones are full of calcium.
[Fi] Garbage is not on my list of food groups.
[Fi] Yes! They're here.
-[Tim] Should we knock? -[Fi] And say what? Trick or treat?
-Come on, we'll go in PB's cat door. -[Tim] Do you think she'll mind?
-[Fi] Will you just hurry up? -[Tim] OK, OK.
-I'm just not used to doors with flaps. -[Fi] Tim, hurry.
[Tim] It's OK. Just leave me here.
-I'll be all right. -[Fi] Oh, don't whine. I'm coming.
[Tim] Thanks, Fi. You're a good dog.
[Fi] I'm pretty sure I can open the door.
[Tim] I didn't ask to be a german shepherd, although I like them.
-[Fi] All right, we're in! -[Tim] Nice place. Whoa.
[Fi] OK, Tim, you distract them. I've got an idea.
[Tim] Right. Uh, hi, Jack. Hi, Fi's mom. -[Jack] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey! Easy there, boy.
-[Molly] Hello. -[Jack] Where did these guys come from?
[Fi] OK, here we go.
[Fi] All right, Jack's lit essay. I can type over that.
Dear Mom, it's me, Fi.
Hey, hey, what's it doing?
[Fi] The vet turned me into a dog.
-Call the police right away. -Hey, hey, stop that.
-[Tim] Fi, did it work? -[Jack] Somebody must own this dog.
They've taught it some pretty weird tricks.
[Fi] They can't read it.
[Tim] I thought you could type.
[Fi] That was when I had fingers.
Look, they put a barrette in its hair. I hate it when people do that to dogs.
[Tim] What are we going to do?
[Fi] How good are you at charades?
[doorbell ringing]
[Tim] Wait a minute.
Do you smell what I smell?
[sniffing]
[Fi] Uh-oh.
-Hi. -Hi, I'm Dr. Daily from the vet clinic.
I think a couple of my patients took a shine to your daughter,
-and I found your address in my files... -Come on in.
I think we've got what you're looking for.
I just find it amazing that they came all this way to find Fi.
-[Tim] What are we going to do? -[Fi] We've got to be tough.
Humans can smell fear. Bark, tim, bark!
[dog barks]
[Tim] Uh-oh. I don't think we scared her.
-Easy. -[Fi] Don't panic.
-We can still make a run for it. -[Tim] Uh, I like running.
[Fi] Oh, no, she's opening her bag. I think she's going for the needle.
[Tim] You mean she's going to turn us into dogs?
[Fi] We already are dogs!
-[Tim] Oh, yeah. -Do you want a doggie bone? Oh, yeah.
-[Tim] Ooh, a treat. -[Fi] No, it's a trick.
[Tim] Trick or treat? -[Fi] Uh-oh. She's trying to trap us.
-[Tim] That treat smells good. -[Fi] We've got to get out of here.
-[Tim] Maybe she's really a nice doctor. -[Fi] No, Tim, bad doctor.
It's me, Jack, your sister. Can't you smell your own sister?
Oh, yes, you want a yummy, yummy cookie.
[Fi] Stay with me, Tim. Concentrate.
[tIM] But it's only a treat. A little treat never hurt anybody.
Oh! Treat!
Gotcha!
[Tim] Fi, she's got me. Run for it, quick!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. -[Fi] Jack, get away from me.
-I've got to get out of here. -[Tim] Run!
-Uh, did you want that one, too? -[scoffs]
[Fi] Tim...
OK, got to keep going. Got to save Tim.
How do I save him? I need a...
Need a cookie? No, no, need an antidote. Gotta find out...
Mailman. Mm, bite mailman!
No, antidote. No mailman. Antidote. Got to find an antidote.
Got to go, got to go, got to go, got to go.
-[Tim humming] -Tim, it's me, Fi.
[tIM] Mm? Fi?
Got treats? I like treats.
[Fi] No, Tim, no treats. You've got to get out.
[Tim] Out? How?
OK, OK, Tim, see my barrette?
Get my barrette, tim. You can pick the lock again.
[Jim] What?
What is it? Is it a treat?
Barrette's a treat?
Ugh.
Just doesn't taste like a treat. Yuck! [spits]
[Fi] No, it's not a treat, Tim.
You've... You've got to pick the lock.
[Tim] Yeah.
[Fi] You've got to get out of here. I need your help.
[Tim] Ball? Play ball?
Hungry.
Scared. Hungry.
[Fi] No!
Tim, don't leave me.
[Tim] Fi?
[Fi] Stay with me, Tim.
[Tim] [softly] Fi. Fi.
-[Fi] Tim... -[Tim] [softly] Fi...
[whistling]
♪ Oh, where oh, where can he be? ♪
[Fi] Hello, doggie doctor.
Oh.
Glad to see me?
Where did you find that syringe?
[Fi] With this nose, I can smell what you had for lunch last Thursday.
-[dog growling] -No! What do you want?
Want a treat?
[Fi] Uh, yeah. No.
Yea... No, I don't want a treat.
No? OK, no. Then, uh...
Oh, you want to be your old self again, is that it?
-[Fi] No, I want to be a dog forever. -[dog growling]
OK, OK. Good doggie, nice doggie. Look.
Oh, your file.
You don't have a thing to worry about.
Those same tiny cell-sized nanocytes that rebuilt your structure to make you a dog
can turn you back into a human, OK?
[Fi] Mm-hm, OK, get started. Come on.
[dog growling]
[Dr. Daily] [softly] OK...
Canine to human.
See, the computer inputs your original DNA information from the floppy disk.
I get skin samples off the syringes. Waste not, want not.
[Fi] Uh, yeah.
[Dr. Daily] Then my titration apparatus
programs all those tiny robots to rebuild your DNA structure,
and inserts them into this color-coordinated fluid,
blue for dog, pink for human. Oh, titration complete.
Here we go.
[mumbling]
[softly] OK...
All you have to do is drink that to start the humanizing process.
There.
But are you sure you want to do this?
-You make such a beautiful dog. -[Fi] Thanks.
And dogs make such beautiful people...
-[Fi] What are you talking about? -So loving, loyal, and obedient.
[Fi] Huh?
Why, soon Hope Springs will be the perfect town.
Uh! Let me show you.
[Fi] Show me what? What are you up to?
Agamemnon! Here, boy.
-[Fi] Agamemnon? Tim's puppy? -[Agamemnon panting]
Good boy, Agamemnon.
[Fi] No, it couldn't be.
-Grab her! -[Agamemnon growls]
[Fi] Oh-oh. Come here, boy!
Go get it, go get it.
-Ooh, ball's fun. Go get it. -Ball. Where? Play ball.
No, no, no!
[Fi] Hey, stop it. Back off.
All right, that's it.
If you think i'm going to let you turn everybody in the town into dogs,
and if you think I'll let you turn my family into dogs, you're wrong.
[yells]
[Fi] Tried to warn you.
[slowly] Uh-oh.
[dog whines]
You know, that's exactly what I thought you'd look like.
[Dr. Daily] No, this can't be happening.
I don't have the DNA sample to reverse the process!
What am I going to do?
[Fi] I guess you're just going to have to learn to enjoy life as a dog.
[Dr. Daily] You know, you're right. I'm a dog!
I never liked being a human anyway. Whoo-hoo!
[Fi] All right, the antidote.
[grunts] OK, got to get up here.
Mm, cherry.
Well, I hope it works orally.
Oh, this is really good.
-Oh, I feel funny. -[dog whines]
Oops. I'd better find my clothes.
Hey, boy.
All right.
Here we go. Let's hope your mind isn't gone for good.
What...
What happened?
Tim, it worked. You should have been there.
Your dog mind was starting to take over,
and Dr. Daily tried to grab me, And there was, like, this instant guy...
Excuse me, are... are those my pants?
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
[Tim] What were you saying?
-"Your dog mind?" -[pulls zipper]
[chuckles]
You don't remember?
The last thing I remember is...
sitting in the waiting room next to this weird girl who just kept talking and...
Oh, wait.
That wasn't you, was it?
[sighs]
[swooshing sound]
Don't ask.
Car, wait!
Agamemnon! Here, boy!
Well...
Everything's back to normal.
No one remembers a thing.
And that Tim guy thinks I'm nuts,
after I chased his puppy all over town.
Why am I telling you this, huh?
I mean, you're just a cat.
Aren't you?
[meow]