[theme song plays]
♪ Demons come from every side ♪
♪ In the darkness is the light ♪
♪ Out of the shadows of my life ♪
♪ In the darkness is the light ♪
♪ Surrender will win the fight ♪
♪ This girl's walked on fire and ice ♪
♪ But I come out ♪
♪ On the other side of paradise ♪
♪ Paradise ♪
[Fi] Did you ever find yourself dealing with a machine
that seemed like it had a mind of its own?
There's some pretty weird stories about machines acting like they're alive.
Like in 1989, this Russian supercomputer
decides to electrocute Nikolai Gudkov, a chess grand master,
just as he's about to checkmate the machine for the third time in a row.
Coincidence?
Or is it possible the computer was feeling jealous?
Is it possible that, just maybe, machines are really out to get us?
On the other hand, if machines do have feelings,
this could be good stuff to know.
After all, if we're friendly with our machines,
maybe they'll be friendly with us.
Or maybe not.
[computer voice] Fatal error. Call manufacturer.
[snoring]
[clattering]
[car horn honking]
[car engine revving]
[pants]
[Molly] OK, Mike, playback for rehearsal, please?
[music plays]
♪ She sells ♪
♪ She sells condos by the seashore ♪
-♪ She sells ♪ -♪ She sells ♪
♪ She sells machines To wax the kitchen floor ♪
-♪ She sells ♪ -♪ She sells ♪
♪ She sells to get a slice Of the big pie ♪
♪ She sells ♪
♪ But in the end she sells her soul ♪
♪ 'Cause she knows That's what they want to buy ♪
-Mom! -Mrs. P!
Mike? Mike, hold it!
Guys, working? Not disturbing? Remember?
Mom, we figured it all out.
See, we added up the money we got for cleaning the bus and stuff,
and my brother kicked in some bucks, so he can drive when he's here.
Drive?
So, now we have enough cashola between the three of us to buy a car!
Guys... take a break. Go have a muffin or something.
-You want to buy a car? -Together.
It'll have to be used, but Dad can check it out
-to make sure it's not a melon. -Lemon.
Or that.
We can register it in Ned and Irene's name, or yours,
that way the insurance will be cheaper.
Honey... you don't even have a driver's license.
I'm scheduled to take the written tomorrow and the driving part the day after.
Jack, you're going to be on the road with me
and Clu may be away at college.
Why don't you just drive my car?
Your "mom" car? So, you're serious about me never having a date,
falling in love, and getting married, which means no grandchildren, remember?
Clu, what do your mom and dad think about this?
[scoffs] They are completely, totally, 100%...
uninformed about it. Yet.
I'll think about it.
[both] We're getting a car!
[Jack] Look at that. Look how nice that is.
[Clu] Dude, that's pink!
What are you guys doing?
Only getting ready to buy a new car.
But it's 5:00 in the morning.
We want to be the first ones to check out the ads so we can get the best deal.
[Fi] Wait. Mom actually fell for this?
Jealous much?
No.
Well, don't be, because I had to promise give you rides sometimes.
You know, like, when your UFO breaks down, and you need to meet the mothership.
Hilarious.
Dude, look!
[Jack] Sweet!
[Fi] It's not that great.
It's right over there, but...
So, Mr. Blanchard, the, um, pistons on this puppy,
-they're pretty good? -Yeah.
-Are you sure you kids want this car? -Yeah!
I... I mean, uh...
Well, we won't be sure of anything until we check out the, uh...
driveshaft... thing.
I don't know about this.
Aren't you kind of young to own a car?
They're old enough and they've got the thousand bucks.
You're not backing out of this deal, are you?
No. Not at all.
It's just... Well, I've got to tell you, it's been acting kind of weird lately.
What's wrong with it?
It's, uh... it burns oil. Bad.
For a thousand bucks, I can take care of the oil problem.
Look, have these guys got a deal or what?
[car horn honks]
Sorry!
Well?
Yeah. All right, deal.
I'll go get the pink slip. Here, trunk keys.
Thanks.
That guy was wigging out, man.
That's not wigging out.
Selling this car for a thousand bucks is wigging out.
It totally rocks!
Yeah. Wait till my brother gets here and sees what a deal we got.
Let's get this over with.
[rock music plays]
♪ She gave up chasing that hit single ♪
♪ Why should she work so hard ♪
♪ When she can write one catchy jingle ♪
♪ Buy a house with a big backyard? ♪
♪ The suits fill up her fan club ♪
♪ The boardroom is her gig ♪
♪ Her music plays ten times a day ♪
♪ She must be really big ♪
Hey, Ned!
Mike, I'm sorry, I just need a minute.
Sounds fantastic, Molly.
Come in and talk to me.
Mike, why don't you take a break, OK?
-So, how'd it go? -It went great.
Actually, it went better than great.
I can't believe the guy sold it for a thousand bucks.
[computer beeps]
Permission to be a concerned parent?
Sure.
I don't think I can do this yet.
No, I trust Jack, but I still think of Rick's accident
every time I get into a car.
He's gonna be fine. Really. You don't have to worry.
I'll make sure he's all right, Molly.
I promise.
Can I go? I'll totally be quiet.
OK. Totally quiet.
-Please, just be careful. -We'll go nice and slow.
Nothing Jack can't handle. OK?
OK.
-[Ned] Jack, look out! -[Fi] Jack, what are you doing?
You said you were going to be quiet.
You said you were going to steer once in a while.
Quiet in the peanut gallery.
The wheel twisted in my hands. I think the alignment's off.
Good use of car terminology in your excuse, Jack.
The alignment was perfect when I checked it,
although it could be out a little bit now.
-[engine revs] -[tires screech]
-[Fi] Jack! -I think I hit a patch of oil.
You can make whatever excuses you want, Jack,
but that's not going to fly with the driving tester.
I'm sorry, Mr. Bell. I'm just nervous.
-OK... -[Ned] OK. Let's head back the other way.
Now, slowly do a U-turn.
Good, Jack. That was nice and smooth.
[Clu] Yeah. Way to go, dude.
What?
The turn signal.
Whoa!
-Jack! Stop! -[yells]
-[Fi] Jack! -[horn honks]
[Ned] What are you doing?
You always got to check for oncoming traffic before you make a left turn.
It wasn't me. The car just started going. I wasn't even gonna make a left turn.
Then why did you turn on the signal?
Yeah, man, you gotta be careful.
This is our car you're almost wrecking, remember?
Like I haven't heard that a million times yet.
That's enough.
-How about you? You want to chime in, too? -Nope, no chimes here.
Hey, dude, it wasn't that bad.
And if you don't pass, I'll just...
I'll drive you around wherever until you do, you know?
-Unless you're, like, 40 or something. -So how'd it go?
OK, what happened?
He has an attention problem.
It probably didn't help that we had three backseat drivers in the car.
But we hit a couple of curbs, and we had a near-miss.
Great.
Mom, I don't know, but what if it isn't Jack's lame driving?
What if there's something wrong with the car?
I checked this car from stem to stern. It's in perfect condition.
I'm not talking about a mechanical problem.
Huh?
Fiona, this is a real-world problem, OK. And it needs a real-world solution.
Come on. Let's go give somebody a pep talk.
-Mr. Blanchard? -Yes?
Hi. I'm Fi Phillips.
I'm the sister of one of guys you sold the car to the other day.
Did something happen?
No. I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions about it.
-I'm busy. -Wait.
Did anything strange ever happen to you while you were in that car?
I just got it running a couple of weeks ago.
I rebuilt that car from the ground up. It was a wreck when I bought it.
Look at this.
I spent almost every weekend for two years working on that thing.
I replaced just about everything except the engine.
It's just a car.
Rubber, plastic, steel.
How could there be anything strange about that?
I don't know.
[Clu] So, I'm on the wait list for UC Santa Cruz,
which is my dream, man, awesome surfing.
But, um, University of Oregon
and this one over in Louisiana are my backups.
Spring Break at Mardi Gras! [laughs]
Um...
Silence?
Hm?
Oh, yeah.
Well, you know, I promise to take good care of the car while you're gone.
Actually, um, since you're going to be on the road and everything,
I kind of thought that I'd take it with me to school.
Jack, I just talked to the guy who sold you the car.
I think he may know something about why it's hard for you to drive.
You what?
Fi, did it ever occur to you that my car is none of your business?
Our car, dude.
Yes, you're right. Our car.
Are we having a problem?
Mom, tell Fi to keep her freaky brains out of my business.
I was just trying to help you drive better.
You are totally tense, dude.
OK. How about I keep the car at my house until you're able to just chill out
and be more confident in your driving... ness?
OK, that's it! You, butt out.
You, I paid for part of that car, therefore I will drive it when I want.
You...
I believe it's time for me to mow the lawn.
Fiona?
I'm really sorry. I just wanted to help.
Um... I... I better get going.
Uh, I'll call you when the chilling is complete.
Fiona, I know you're worried about your brother--
Mom, if I asked you to do something for me
that would make you feel better about Jack and the car, would you?
Sure, Blanchard was in here all the time.
He'd salvage parts off the other cars like the one he bought from me.
Most of those parts you can't get new anymore.
So you sold him the one he rebuilt?
Oh, yeah. A classic, that one.
Before the accident, I mean.
-It was in an accident? -Oh, yeah. A real bad one.
I knew the guy.
Billy Ornest. Real shame.
He was taking his wife to the hospital. She'd had a heart attack.
She would've been OK, but they crashed on the way.
She didn't make it.
Anyway, the engine was fine, and Blanchard's a heck of a mechanic.
You don't need to worry about it.
He'd have done everything right. He loved that car.
-Then why'd he sell it? -Beats me.
Well, thanks for your time, Ed.
Fiona, baby, we've got to get back.
-OK. -OK.
Billy Ornest.
[computer beeping]
[Fi] They were on their way to Hope Springs Hospital...
when the brakes failed.
[Clu] Wow, that's majorly sad.
But if the car's been totally rebuilt,
what does the crash have to do with Jack's D-minus driving skills?
I don't think Jack's driving is the problem. OK...
Remember when we were all in the car,
Jack said he couldn't control the wheel, right?
Mm-hm.
OK, do me a favor,
and find the intersection where Jack almost drove left into oncoming traffic.
OK... it was here.
And here's the street where the car kept swerving.
Did you notice it always swerved in the same direction?
All right, when we were headed towards downtown, we swerved to the right.
And when we turned around and went the other way,
we swerved to the left.
You're right. It was always to the west.
[Fi] Always toward the hospital.
Hope Springs Hospital, the same hospital
this guy was trying to take his wife to the night of the crash.
OK, so what are you saying?
That our car is trying to drive itself to the hospital?
The accident wasn't the driver's fault. The brakes were faulty.
I get it.
So the car feels guilty for causing the accident?
That's my theory.
Wow. That is completely insane.
Hey, there are lots of weird stories out there
about machines going nuts acting like they have a mind of their own.
There was this robot arm that killed this Japanese guy in 1981.
Fi--
OK, the point is, that when Blanchard rebuilt the car,
he didn't realize he was giving it a second chance...
-Fi-- -A chance to finish the trip
to the hospital, you know, to make up for what happened in a way.
Fi, it's a car.
You're right, it's just metal, plastic, and rubber.
But just say that the car does have a mind of its own,
and my brother doesn't know that, the same thing could happen again.
Clu, when's Jack's driving test?
Uh, in, like, five minutes.
He and my dad are on their way there right now.
-You got a car? -Mom let me borrow hers.
-Phillips, Jack? -Uh, yes. Hi.
You have two jobs today:
One, follow my directions.
Two, spill not one drop
of my delicious, state-provided DMV coffee.
Left blinker.
Huh? Oh!
[blinker clicking]
Wipers.
Proceed into traffic.
[engine starts]
[honking]
Oh! [chuckles] Sorry.
Oh, well, if you're sorry, I won't mark that one wrong.
Whoa!
-[yells] -Oh, my goodness! I'm so--
Sorry? For scalding the skin off my leg? Or for almost hitting that parked car?
Heck, let's just chalk them both up to "sorry" and move on.
-But the wheel-- -Pull over by that car.
I want you to parallel park.
All right, proceed to parallel park.
[yells] This is not proper parking procedure!
Oh, my gosh.
[instructor] Whoa, look out!
OK, he's going to get some points off for that one.
Go after them, Clu! Quick!
[tires screeching]
[Fi] Get beside him. Come on!
Jack, I know what's wrong with the car!
Fi? What are you doing? Get lost!
You children, move along now. We're very busy failing a driver's test.
It's not you, Jack! It's the car!
-[Jack yells] -[instructor] Stop this car at once!
-You've failed. -The brakes don't work!
-That's it. -You're pulling it off the road.
-Stop this car right now! -Stop pulling! Stop pulling!
Jack, don't struggle. Let go of the wheel!
Let the car drive!
Tell your insane little friend to go home!
It doesn't work! She lives at my house!
Dude, listen to her! There might be something whacked about our wheels!
[instructor] Let me steer the car!
-Let go! -Jack, let the car drive!
[instructor] Let go!
[yelling]
[tires screeching]
[both panting]
[Fi] Jack! Jack, are you all right?
[grunts]
I'm... just going to go... be... away from you.
[Clu] So, did you pass?
Hope Springs Hospital.
Are you OK?
Dude, it's a high-pressure job.
I mean, I'm sure the driving tester guys
have nervous breakdowns all the time, you know?
Very comforting.
Mom, I don't think there's going to be any more problems.
You know, I mean, to drive, I mean.
Well, I'm sure there won't,
because nobody's going anywhere near this car
until Ned takes a good look at every bolt, nut, and spark plug.
Mom still touchy?
Yeah, but I don't think there's gonna be any more problems.
Fi, that car is not alive.
Hey, believe what you want, you know,
but I think it's going to let you drive it now
because it feels better.
And when it does... you still have to drive me around.
Yeah, right.
Yeah... [chuckles]
So, when do you leave, anyway?
A couple of months, I guess.
Uh, only two more months for me to finally teach you
how to do a layup the right way.
[scoffs] I am the master, dude.
Oh, yes.
So, you know, when you leave,
there's going to be this big deal and everybody's going to be
all weepy and everything,
you know, trying to make sure they say goodbye and stuff.
I guess so.
Well, I was thinking, how about we just say goodbye now
so we can hang out for the next couple of months
and not have to think about it all the time?
Goodbye, Clu.
I'll take good care of the car since I'm keeping it here.
Goodbye, Jack.
And I'll be sure and wash it every weekend since I'm taking it with me to school.
[chuckles]
-OK. -All right.
-[rock music plays] -[vocalizing]
♪ Hear that song on the radio ♪
♪ The one stuck in your head ♪
♪ It's designed to seize your mind ♪
♪ You're gonna sing it Till you are dead ♪
♪ It isn't buy your favorite band ♪
♪ It's by a girl you'll never know ♪
♪ But the next time you go shopping She'll tell you... ♪